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Frenchy pointed out a fair and sincere concern"”How do you determine when someone has the ability to sincerely reciprocate love? You determine if someone has the ability to sincerely reciprocate love by their actions"”plain and simple. A person can tell you, 24-7-365, how much they love you, what they will do for you and how much they care about you but actions speak louder than words.

The best weapon we have is our instincts"”our intuition or in layman's terms, looking out for the red flags. Anybody, with any sense, can put their best foot forward in the beginning of a relationship, however, even in the beginning, when we notice the little problems, we overlook them because we are all willing to give that person a chance through getting to know them better. The problem comes in where the red flags start popping up more frequently and become more annoying.

Red flags can come in a variety of forms"”in my personal experience, when a woman tells me she loves me and doesn't even know my last name good, yet, it's a red flag. If a woman is a liar"”has a defense for everything she did whether it was right or wrong, it's a red flag. If she makes promises she can't keep, and excuses for why she couldn't keep them, that becomes a red flag. If a woman values what her friends say and do over what your opinions and concerns are, that's a red flag.

If a woman downplays or disregards what you perceive to be emotionally harmful to you and the relationship"”is periodically abusive or neglectful in any way, it's a red flag. If whenever there's a disagreement and a woman doesn't allow a disagreement to be resolved or continuously finds other moments to set off a chain reaction of arguments, that is a red flag. If a woman can't let go of reminding you about a previous relationship or tries to control your actions in the current relationship by telling you how Bill, John or Mike used to do this or that, then, that's a red flag. If whenever there is conflict she tries to make you out to be the villain, when in fact, she is actually the culprit, that is a red flag. When she ignores your concerns but wears you down with hers, it's a red flag.

Often, these red flags are simple things that pop up"”simple things that erk us but we don't acknowledge them early in the relationship for fear of losing that person or thinking the problem will just go away with love and time. The bottom line is, if you know you're not getting what you want out of a relationship it's up to you to determine whether or not that person has the ability to work together with you and solve that problem or set yourself up to deal with being disappointed. It's up to you to listen to your instincts"”discipline yourself to stay with that person or move on.
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Good forum!!

But let me add that a lot of times, people dont see the "red flags", because theyre 'blinded by love'...........and these people dont pay attention to their instincts, and are hurt in the long run.

Now question.........can we become so consumed with 'looking' for red flags, that we destroy a meaningful relationship?
quote:
can we become so consumed with 'looking' for red flags, that we destroy a meaningful relationship?



Hmmmmmm, QTY, I recall talking with a particular chocolate princess about this same subject.

You are right, QTY--when too much time is spent over-analysing a person, you begin to see things that aren't really there--you put yourself in the mode of waiting for something to go wrong instead of enjoying the things that go right.

It isn't the point of picking up on every red flag that pops up--the point is to act on the red flags that bother you the most. Nobody is perfect, it's going to be expected for people to have flaws, however, dealing with flaws is one thing, being repeatedly disappointed and denied the level of reciprocacy you are wanting in a relationship is quite another.

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