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You arrogant mutha.....!

And you know who you are!

Since you say that I don't EXPRESS, let me just take this opportunity to EXPLODE!

Question-OR TWO?? Was I wrong because I thought you had good intentions? You? A so-called man of his word? So, what if I was ok with the friendship but not willing to be ok with being friends-with-benefits? So, then what do you decide to do? You decide to spend as much time as you can with me-calling or texting me to see what I was doing after work. Or what I was cooking. Or if I was lonely and wanted company.

And ME being the naive b**** that I am...I let you come by, cooked for you on SEVERAL occasions, and when you pulled your muscle in PT, my black a** gave you a full body massage.......all because I had good intentions. All because I began to value the friendship! And what do you say after I find that the reason you did NOT invite me to the event on Sunday is because you had invited SOMEONE ELSE who you frequently referred to as "baby" as I watched you from afar? You say "We (me and you) are not on that level."

What f***in level?? Oh, you mean the level where I don't do s*** for you? Or the level where I don't let you fall asleep at my house? Or the level where you didn't spend every night but ONE last week in my bed?

Am I at a reduced level because there was no sex?

Because the fact is that I did the things that you liked. I catered to you AS A FRIEND. Which is what you said you wanted! Dayum! WTF???!!!!!
Shema
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Seems to this Black man that it's true ... men speak Martian and women speak Veniusian - your definition of Friend differs greatly from his. For you, friendship entails some level of commitment; whereas, he sees friendship as ... well ... friendship, i.e., kick it, hang-out, do for one another; but free to kick it, hang-out, and frankly, sleep with others.

I guess you caught feelings, Huh? ther
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
Seems to this Black man that it's true ... men speak Martian and women speak Veniusian - your definition of Friend differs greatly from his. For you, friendship entails some level of commitment; whereas, he sees friendship as ... well ... friendship, i.e., kick it, hang-out, do for one another; but free to kick it, hang-out, and frankly, sleep with others.

I guess you caught feelings, Huh? ther


Ahhhhhh!!!! Yes, I am screaming right now! I said NOTHING about commitment. NOTHING about feelings. I "care" about any of my FRIENDS-whether I act like it or not.

As I said, I valued the FRIENDSHIP. I was disappointed and upset not by his choice to deal with someone else but by his underhanded approach. Hell, if she is your first choice for outings, take your black a** over her house and chill on a daily basis!

A little background-This man asked me REPEATEDLY if I was involved with anyone else. (Does that sound like a question from a friend to you?) So, I, in turn, asked him the same thing. His answer was NO. Why lie? Better yet, why lie after YOU kept bringing up the subject?! Anyway, I wasn't upset about the fact that he was at the event with someone else or that he was involved with someone else. We both agreed from the start that we were not looking for that type of relationship. My problem was the way he handled it. The night before the event, I said to him "you know, it kind of bothered me that you didn't invite me." He says "I'm sorry if that hurt your feelings....." Now, I was going to be there ANYWAY and he knew this. (The person who introduced us had already invited me. I just felt the invitation should have come from my FRIEND who had been at my dinner table and in my bed all damn week!) So, why not say "Shema, you know, I didn't invite you b/c I invited someone else" rather than let me walk up on you and feel surprised and stupid?! Some FRIEND!!

And THEN to get arrogant and pissy when I confront you??? SMGDH Mad
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
Seems to this Black man that it's true ... men speak Martian and women speak Veniusian - your definition of Friend differs greatly from his. For you, friendship entails some level of commitment; whereas, he sees friendship as ... well ... friendship, i.e., kick it, hang-out, do for one another; but free to kick it, hang-out, and frankly, sleep with others.

I guess you caught feelings, Huh? ther


And isn't FRIENDSHIP, in itself, a commitment????
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
Seems to this Black man that it's true ... men speak Martian and women speak Veniusian - your definition of Friend differs greatly from his. For you, friendship entails some level of commitment; whereas, he sees friendship as ... well ... friendship, i.e., kick it, hang-out, do for one another; but free to kick it, hang-out, and frankly, sleep with others.

I guess you caught feelings, Huh? ther


Ahhhhhh!!!! Yes, I am screaming right now! I said NOTHING about commitment. NOTHING about feelings. I "care" about any of my FRIENDS-whether I act like it or not.

As I said, I valued the FRIENDSHIP. I was disappointed and upset not by his choice to deal with someone else but by his underhanded approach. Hell, if she is your first choice for outings, take your black a** over her house and chill on a daily basis!

A little background-This man asked me REPEATEDLY if I was involved with anyone else. (Does that sound like a question from a friend to you?) So, I, in turn, asked him the same thing. His answer was NO. Why lie? Better yet, why lie after YOU kept bringing up the subject?! Anyway, I wasn't upset about the fact that he was at the event with someone else or that he was involved with someone else. We both agreed from the start that we were not looking for that type of relationship. My problem was the way he handled it. The night before the event, I said to him "you know, it kind of bothered me that you didn't invite me." He says "I'm sorry if that hurt your feelings....." Now, I was going to be there ANYWAY and he knew this. (The person who introduced us had already invited me. I just felt the invitation should have come from my FRIEND who had been at my dinner table and in my bed all damn week!) So, why not say "Shema, you know, I didn't invite you b/c I invited someone else" rather than let me walk up on you and feel surprised and stupid?! Some FRIEND!!

And THEN to get arrogant and pissy when I confront you??? SMGDH Mad



Shema,
I am sorry to hear that...hope you will heal soon from this.
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
Like Felix, I'm sorry things went awry for you. Let me know when you're feeling better about this, cause I want to ask a few questions (don't want to kick you when you're done... hug ).


LOL. I'm cool. You can ask me anything now. In a few days, I will have forgotten all about this! That's just my nature. I don't live in anger or misery long.......
Kweli tip-toes in ... rises hands to show he has no weapons and means no harm ... in he he is seeking to give a wounded Sista a ther and a hug

quote:
I said NOTHING about commitment.


versus

quote:
And isn't FRIENDSHIP, in itself, a commitment????


Yes, friendships absolutely entail commitment. But in most men's eyes, friendship do not imply exclusivity.

Besides, as Chris Rock [Oh, how I hate his insect looking a$$] said: "[To men] female friends are just women that we haven't f--ked, yet." His underhanded way of dealing with you is evidence of this.
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
Kweli tip-toes in ... rises hands to show he has no weapons and means no harm ... in he he is seeking to give a wounded Sista a ther and a hug

quote:
I said NOTHING about commitment.


versus

quote:
And isn't FRIENDSHIP, in itself, a commitment????


Yes, friendships absolutely entail commitment. But in most men's eyes, friendship do not imply exclusivity.

Besides, as Chris Rock [Oh, how I hate his insect looking a$$] said: "[To men] female friends are just women that we haven't f--ked, yet." His underhanded way of dealing with you is evidence of this.


lol Thank you so much for the affection, Kweli. I didn't mean to make you feel you had to tiptoe. I'm not all THAT sensitive, really. Just mad at this joker. And, honestly, right now, I'm ALMOST over it.. Wink

Yeah, see, I didn't even go there with the exclusivity thing until he did. I had another friend at the time we met (whom I had to release b/c he got upset with me for spending time with this dude). I told him about that situation. I don't really understand why he needed to lie to me and then ask me last week "So.....are we still friends?" Confused Was he implying that he wanted to be more or was he just performing a pulse check and, if so, why? I call that mixed signals........

Man, I really hope Chris is wrong because I tend to get along with men better than women! Hope they don't have that in mind because it's not going down. LOL
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
Like Felix, I'm sorry things went awry for you. Let me know when you're feeling better about this, cause I want to ask a few questions (don't want to kick you when you're done... hug ).


LOL. I'm cool. You can ask me anything now. In a few days, I will have forgotten all about this! That's just my nature. I don't live in anger or misery long.......

Here goes...

Are you a natural (over)giver? The reason I ask is because you were cooking, massaging, and letting someone sleep in your bed that was just a friend.

How long did you know this guy?

Did you worry that the two of you might have a "slip up" sleeping in the same bed and all?

Where were you when I was there in 98'? Wink
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
You arrogant mutha.....!

And you know who you are!

Since you say that I don't EXPRESS, let me just take this opportunity to EXPLODE!

Question-OR TWO?? Was I wrong because I thought you had good intentions? You? A so-called man of his word? So, what if I was ok with the friendship but not willing to be ok with being friends-with-benefits? So, then what do you decide to do? You decide to spend as much time as you can with me-calling or texting me to see what I was doing after work. Or what I was cooking. Or if I was lonely and wanted company.

And ME being the naive b**** that I am...I let you come by, cooked for you on SEVERAL occasions, and when you pulled your muscle in PT, my black a** gave you a full body massage.......all because I had good intentions. All because I began to value the friendship! And what do you say after I find that the reason you did NOT invite me to the event on Sunday is because you had invited SOMEONE ELSE who you frequently referred to as "baby" as I watched you from afar? You say "We (me and you) are not on that level."

What f***in level?? Oh, you mean the level where I don't do s*** for you? Or the level where I don't let you fall asleep at my house? Or the level where you didn't spend every night but ONE last week in my bed?

Am I at a reduced level because there was no sex?

Because the fact is that I did the things that you liked. I catered to you AS A FRIEND. Which is what you said you wanted! Dayum! WTF???!!!!!


1 and only--I'm sorry that this happened to you. Just know that from every situation, there is a lesson to be learned. Keep ya head up. tfro
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
Like Felix, I'm sorry things went awry for you. Let me know when you're feeling better about this, cause I want to ask a few questions (don't want to kick you when you're done... hug ).


LOL. I'm cool. You can ask me anything now. In a few days, I will have forgotten all about this! That's just my nature. I don't live in anger or misery long.......

Here goes...

Are you a natural (over)giver? The reason I ask is because you were cooking, massaging, and letting someone sleep in your bed that was just a friend.

How long did you know this guy?

Did you worry that the two of you might have a "slip up" sleeping in the same bed and all?

Where were you when I was there in 98'? Wink


1. YES! I am a natural (over) giver. I don't know why. Can't help it. I like to cater (and be catered to Wink)
2. I knew this guy for a month. And I LOVED spending time with him. To the point where it didn't bother me that he asked to spend the night.
3. Actually, I was HOPING we would have a slipup! He did hold me and I did get to feel what he was working with. Wink You know you guys can't help the morning incident! LOL
4. In 98....Just starting my little career at the bank....Eating lunch at Citifair almost everyday....Oh and married.....
quote:
Originally posted by Tre:
1 and only--I'm sorry that this happened to you. Just know that from every situation, there is a lesson to be learned. Keep ya head up. tfro


Thank you, Tre. I'm really glad I put this out here. I was actually at a point where I was NOT willing to deal with brothas ANYMORE. PERIOD. I was too tired of being frustrated and disappointed. I can't tell you how close I was to just giving up on brothas. But the response from the men out here just reaffirms my love for the black man.
Okay, I'm getting a much better picture of what went down. When dude #2 [the guy that your pissed with] got upset about the other friend and had/allowed you give dude #1 [I'm assuming that the guy you dumped was in your life before pissed off with guy] the boot, you both communicated messages. He was pissing on your leg and claiming you as his territory; and you communicated that you, despite being "just friends", wanted to be more.

quote:
why he needed to lie to me and then ask me last week "So.....are we still friends?" Was he implying that he wanted to be more or was he just performing a pulse check and, if so, why? I call that mixed signals........



Damn ... I'm about to lose my MAN-CARD for this; but ...

No mixed signs here ... He wasn't implying that he wanted TO BE more [maybe that he wanted TO DO more]; No it wasn't a mere pulse check; Dude was gauging whether he was going to be getting any home cooked meals, full body massages, or [your] warm [and fine] body to sleep next to, any time in the near future.

Give him any of those without plenty of conversations and more time and your leg will stay soaked and he'll probably take to growling at the sight of another man on the same side of the street as you.
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
Thank you, Tre. I'm really glad I put this out here. I was actually at a point where I was NOT willing to deal with brothas ANYMORE.
Not willing to deal with the brothas--girl bite your tongue Razz On the real, I feel you. I've been stung like a wasp victim in early fall, but have always managed to bounce back and learn something from the experience.

But the response from the men out here just reaffirms my love for the black man.

Don't you just love these fine azz men here on AA.org? I know I do. Here's a big hug for all the beautiful black men on this board hug and a kiss too kiss
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
Okay, I'm getting a much better picture of what went down. When dude #2 [the guy that your pissed with] got upset about the other friend and had/allowed you give dude #1 [I'm assuming that the guy you dumped was in your life before pissed off with guy] the boot, you both communicated messages. He was pissing on your leg and claiming you as his territory; and you communicated that you, despite being "just friends", wanted to be more.

quote:
why he needed to lie to me and then ask me last week "So.....are we still friends?" Was he implying that he wanted to be more or was he just performing a pulse check and, if so, why? I call that mixed signals........



Damn ... I'm about to lose my MAN-CARD for this; but ...

No mixed signs here ... He wasn't implying that he wanted TO BE more [maybe that he wanted TO DO more]; No it wasn't a mere pulse check; Dude was gauging whether he was going to be getting any home cooked meals, full body massages, or [your] warm [and fine] body to sleep next to, any time in the near future.

Give him any of those without plenty of conversations and more time and your leg will stay soaked and he'll probably take to growling at the sight of another man on the same side of the street as you.


Dayum! You are sooooo right! Reflection is EVERYTHING!

And thanks for the compliment.... Wink
quote:
I was actually at a point where I was NOT willing to deal with brothas ANYMORE. PERIOD. I was too tired of being frustrated and disappointed. I can't tell you how close I was to just giving up on brothas. But the response from the men out here just reaffirms my love for the black man.

What is the alternative to Black men?

If you think you are frustrated now, then how do you think you would feel after spending time with someone else OTHER than a Black man?
quote:
Originally posted by Shango67:
What is the alternative to Black men?

If you think you are frustrated now, then how do you think you would feel after spending time with someone else OTHER than a Black man?


The alternative: I was thinking Other-white, latino, mexican, indian-not black.

Yeah, I feel you on the frustration issue. I'm sure that there are some like this one in every ethnicity.
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
quote:
Relationships can be frustrating--no matter the race.


True, but with INTRA-Racial relationships, you are not [usually] stripped with racial/cultural differences; and you know [usually] you are not being dated because of some racial myth/fantasy.



Strangely enough black women seem to believe the negative stereotypes about black men more strongly than anyone else. So if you do something that even remotely strikes them the wrong way, they'll react far more quickly and strongly (negatively) than a woman of another race. And what's worse is that it's very difficult to convince them that they're wrong because they'll play the black woman card.

One example I can remember well is the time I met a sistah online. We started out emailing and then calling and then we started talking about meeting in person.

We were talking one night and she claimed to hear someone else in the room with me. I live alone and tried to convince her I was completely alone (which I was).

Infidelity was her issue (yep ... black men are dogs). And she was ready to see it in me at the drop of a hat.

Anyway, we never met in person.

Women from other backgrounds seem to be better able at giving the benefit of a doubt. Believing that you are who say you are and present yourself as. But that's JMHO.
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
quote:
Originally posted by Shango67:
quote:
I was thinking Other-white

bang
sad
18


Ok, now, the other week you were feeling the same way ......... and I gave you a massage and everything!


[laughing out loud]

This struck me as funny, TOAO. Smile too cute. I gave the brotha a "sista hug" when he was feelin' down, and he STILL threw a little haterade my way.

Ya win some, ya lose some. . .I suppose.

But I feel ya. Smile
quote:
Originally posted by Shango67:
quote:
gave the brotha a "sista hug" when he was feelin' down, and he STILL threw a little haterade my way.

Damn Fab...

give shit a rest. How often do you need to refer to that exchange.

Get a grip


Damn, you act as if you can tell me what to do.

I'll refer to that exchange as OFTEN as I choose to. Smile Whatcha gon do, you MEAN ASS MUTHA FOCKER? Sue me?

Get a grip?

YOU first, meanie.

YOU are a very mean person, and I'm glad I can skip by the likes of you, without allowing your hatred & anger to linger in my space.

Mean! ya just plain MEAN.

BTW. . .I'm not gonna go back & forth with you over your petty bullshyt--you can argue with yourself--BY yourself..
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Strangely enough black women seem to believe the negative stereotypes about black men more strongly than anyone else.

Ouch-what's with the sweeping generalizations?

So if you do something that even remotely strikes them the wrong way, they'll react far more quickly and strongly (negatively) than a woman of another race.
HoBro, I disagree. I think this deals more with maturity levels than race.

And what's worse is that it's very difficult to convince them that they're wrong because they'll play the black woman card.
What exactly is 'the black woman card'?

Women from other backgrounds seem to be better able at giving the benefit of a doubt.
Again, this needs to be chalked up to a woman who is a fair, impartial and mature thinker--which none of these traits has anything to do with race.
quote:
Originally posted by Tre:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Strangely enough black women seem to believe the negative stereotypes about black men more strongly than anyone else.

Ouch-what's with the sweeping generalizations?

So if you do something that even remotely strikes them the wrong way, they'll react far more quickly and strongly (negatively) than a woman of another race.
HoBro, I disagree. I think this deals more with maturity levels than race.

And what's worse is that it's very difficult to convince them that they're wrong because they'll play the black woman card.
What exactly is 'the black woman card'?

Women from other backgrounds seem to be better able at giving the benefit of a doubt.
Again, this needs to be chalked up to a woman who is a fair, impartial and mature thinker--which none of these traits has anything to do with race.




Is it possible for me to speak from my experience without having to say each and every time "from my experience"?

The "black woman card" is basically I'm black too and I've dated so many brothas who were all a certain way ... and so I'm going to treat you as if you are like them ... you are guilty until you prove yourself innocent ...
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:

Is it possible for me to speak from my experience without having to say each and every time "from my experience"?

Ouch--no harm intended-just expressing a thought. Smile

The "black woman card" is basically I'm black too and I've dated so many brothas who were all a certain way ... and so I'm going to treat you as if you are like them ... you are guilty until you prove yourself innocent ...
Just being clear--we're all guilty until we've proven ourselves innocent?

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