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Women, Say Goodbye to Competition
by Lisa Chavez


This is my song of praise to men and the wonderful way they are hard wired to appreciate women. I finally realized something about men and this is it: men don't just like one type of woman, they like lots of types of women. As soon as this idea struck, I started listening to my men friends and my boyfriend just a little more closely. And they were all saying it. Sure men find svelt movie stars appealing, but there are so many other qualities -- unique, unpopular, unexpected -- that men find attractive we need not compete.

I'm finally listening to what the men in my life have been saying all along. Even guys who go for a favorite "type" of woman will admit to being attracted by a woman who is NOT their type if she is in command of herself (and let's be frank, her sensuality), if she feels confident and has the moves to prove it. This, men say, they find intoxicating.

Men will also say that there's a certain something about women; men will go on about "the way they walk," "the way they talk," and so forth as if they're writing romance novels. And you know what, in a male sort of way, they are. Men can be just as romantic about women as women are about men, if we women only take the time to listen for it. But to hear how men express romance, we have to stop expecting it to sound like what WE call romance.

Because the male hormones are wired to spot a woman's physical "little somethings," a man can fall in love twenty times a day. How romantic! You think I'm being snide, don't you? But I'm not.

It's a simple, wonderful thing about men that women find hard to get. We don't understand how liberating and wonderful it is that men are wired to appreciate lots of women, diverse women. Instead, anyone who has witnessed a new or youthful relationship has seen the fallout: The romantic couple are cooing all low in their restaurant booth when suddenly the guy's eyes rove to follow a passing beauty. Uh-oh. Bam, his date is all over him, angry as heck. He'll say, "It doesn't mean anything." And she'll say any number of things, the worst of which might be something like "You rather have her? Well, fine then. I'm outa here."

A woman who says that (and I admit I have been guilty -- way in the past -- OK somewhat recently) doesn't realize that it's not a question of "rather." There's no hierarchy of likes and wants when a man's chemistry goes bingo. A guy with a healthy libido can get a rush from a wide palette of female shapes, movements, and figures, and when he looks, he's just appreciating the moment.

The thing is, women are often wired a bit differently. Some say the predominant way for a woman to get aroused is through her emotions. This could explain why many women on FriendFinder have to ask for more data on a guy than he writes in his profile before they agree to meet him.

Some experts say that women are conditioned through life to be more careful and that they are just going through a sophisticated form of screening. But it's possible, especially watching patterns on FriendFinder, that these different wirings make for different approaches to dating altogether. A woman may want to investigate the potential for emotional attraction before she is interested enough to meet a man. A guy is more anxious to get in her physical presence and see how she affects him.

Now here's my theory: if women's sensuality runs from emotional response to physical response, then the guy they have the strongest emotional bond with (let's say boyfriend) is going to trump all others. In other words, a passing hottie won't be enough to divert her attention. It means that when she's emotionally engaged, other men will have a hard time getting her attention.

This may explain why women may not do the "roving eye" thing as much as men do. But there's a down side to this. Say I'm watching a movie with a real romantic hero -- attractive, attentive, kind -- and my long-time boyfriend comes up to kiss me. Well, callous as it sounds, I may actually want to brush him away because it's simply hard to shift emotional allegiances from the "hero" to the real deal (especially if said boyfriend is not acting very heroic at the time). How bad is that?

On the other hand, a male friend of mine says that if he's out and he sees a lot of beautiful women, it only amplifies his desire for his wife when he gets home. So she's reaping bedroom benefits from all the roving her husband's eyes have done that evening. Of course, a woman may not always appreciate that benefit. We women often tend to see the object of his roving eye as competition.

And when that happens, look out! We can make our guys feel pretty guilty. What if it's what we know about OURSELVES that makes us feel so threatened? Maybe the secret truth we women are harboring is that if OUR eyes rove, he's in trouble -- we're losing interest.

There's even another benefit to the male hard drive: Men love women who are confident in their sensuality, poised, dripping with sensual power. Here, a man's desires are actually supportive of women's growth and sensual well-being! Our men love to see us enjoy ourselves and our sensuality. All we women have to do is accept and enjoy. Praise the lovely wiring of the male animal!

According to what many men have said, and contrary to what Cosmo and Elle would have us believe, we don't all have to be stick figure starlets or big bosomed bimbos to be appreciated. Men will respond to a woman's confidence and the way she moves -- in all shapes and sizes. And because men can feel aroused by many women at once, we woman actually don't have to feel competitive. When it comes to our feelings about being attractive to men, women are often stuck in Highlander mode: "there can be only one." We blame men for wanting Angelina Jolie and Halle Berry when we're Oprah or Cameron Manheim. But the fact is, any one guy might be turned on by Oprah, Halle, Angelina, Cameron, and his bank teller, all at the same time, without any conflict. That's good news for women.

Most of us eventually catch on. When a man looks, we enjoy feeling attractive. And over time we learn not to feel less attractive when he turns away to look at someone else ("oh, she's prettier; oh she's slimmer"). And once we do that, enjoy the wonderful wiring that allows us to get so many nods of appreciation in a day, no matter our size or shape, it's praise men and pass the Ben and Jerry's!
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That's an interesting perspective; one of which I agree, but with reservations. Just recently, I met a man who expressed that he had/has(?) an interest in me. My self-esteem is 'ok', but this guy is incredibly attractive. Picture of me with tongue hanging out, Razz I was feeling a bit, curious as to his initial interest, with the knowledge of course that, he definately has 'sex on the brain', and I asked him, what initially attracted him to me: he says, 'your butter' and 'other things'! da hell.... Red Face

I was torn between being insulted and intrigued. I'm not a skinny woman, but I am far from being a 'big girl', I got what I got. So, for him to define me as having, 'butter', I took it as what(?), a category that he found/finds attractive? This article, supports this guys expression of me; because I have seen pictures of his ex-wife, and she was very lean, but to the point of encroaching, anorexia.

I think what puzzles or confuses women, are the 'pin-up' girls that are the mainstay of male 'memorabilia', ie. 'Buffy the body', Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Kitoy (?)etc.

There are no pin ups of women who look like, 'Patricia' that grocery clerk at the neighborood 'Ralphs', or 'Norma' who works in customer service at the cable company, or of 'Annie', who works at the Mickey D's down the street. All women have to go on, with what men are supposedly 'into' physically, are the images of 'the perfect[looking] women'. Whereas,with woman, pin-ups of men are not as prevalent. Although, there are certainly some desks in corporate America, with pics of Denzel Washington/Brad Pitt/Taye Diggs etc, but the degree to which woman admire and salivate over such imagery, is not on the same level of what men are subtly and blatantly programmed by; which may explain some aspects of eating disorders in the female community.

In my profession, I talk to a lot of young women, of all races; ;and in all of my classes, I have the students introduce themselves, and for the most part, the men will introduce themselves by accomplishment, goals, living situation;whereas, the young women will express similar comments, but always add descriptions of their physical, ie. "as you can see, I am fat, tall, thin, chubby, etc. Maybe I'll share this article with them.

Interesting.
quote:
Originally posted by nayo:

I think what puzzles or confuses women, are the 'pin-up' girls that are the mainstay of male 'memorabilia', ie. 'Buffy the body', Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Kitoy (?)etc.

There are no pin ups of women who look like, 'Patricia' that grocery clerk at the neighborood 'Ralphs', or 'Norma' who works in customer service at the cable company, or of 'Annie', who works at the Mickey D's down the street. All women have to go on, with what men are supposedly 'into' physically, are the images of 'the perfect[looking] women'.



What the article says is true in my experience. I have found mself attracted to all sorts of body types. I honestly cannot say that there is a single type of female body that appeals to me.

And I think this is also true of many of the men I know. I know of very few men who get too worked up over "supermodels". Personally I never found the skinny look very appealing (with a few exceptions - and with men there will always be a few exceptions Razz ).

As for what you see in the media ... that's a different thing ... and though I cannot say for sure, I think it's driven by a lot more than what heterosexual men like to look at. For example, fashion designers prefer tall skinny women. It doesn't matter what 70% of American men like to look at because Versace will always love (or "loved" since he's dead) to drape his designs on tall skinny (mostly European) women. And that industry is geared towards selling to women.

I'm convinced that much of the imagery in the fashion world is determined by gay white men (I kid - but I believe there is a grain of truth to this). Take the current fashion in women's shoes. Those high heel pointy toe monstrosities. I haven't met a single straight man that finds those things appealing. They had to have been first designed by some gay guy tripping on some S&M. Smile

I'll mention that there's a lot more to Angelina Jolie than a body. What appeals to many men about her is her face (especially those lips) and attitude. She is very much a total package.

And I'm going to give myself away a lil bit. And please don't get the wrong idea. But look at the market for men's magazine. There are all sorts of specialty niche magazines out there. For lovers of larger women. Chubby but not too big women. Older women. Girl next door women. Petite women. Etc. Speaking of pin ups and centerfolds.

Anyway the point is that men do find all sorts of women attractive.

Though I also believe that, like young women, young men are being trained by the media to have certain expectations of what a woman should look like.
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...finally, someone gets it!

I agree with much in that article. It should be required reading for every woman on the planet. It should be handed out to every female child at birth...I mean the moment she gets here, before the doc slaps em on the butt, before the nurse wipes em' off. --> "Here, chile, read this!"

Physical attraction will always play a role, but let's be real. Real relationships, IMO, have depth. Any relationship based solely, or even overly so, on just the physical probably didn't involve "mature" people to begin with.

Sistas relax, yall are fine. If the dude doesn't see that, then obviously he ain't the dude for you...
quote:
Originally posted by Lisa Chavez:
Because the male hormones are wired to spot a woman's physical "little somethings," a man can fall in love twenty times a day.


I think most women know that men are visual, but they mistakenly think that whenever a man sees an attractive woman that he's "falling in love." As Chavez points out in her article, men see women they find attractive all the time. Therefore, simply because a man spots an attractive woman does not necessarily mean that he wants to marry her or even be in a relationship with her. Although men can be attracted to multiple women, the attraction is short-lived. As soon he sees another attractive woman, he is able to feel that same physical chemistry towards the new woman that he finds attractive. One woman isn't necessarily better looking than the other, men are just visually inclined to be attracted to multiple women. This does not mean that a woman cannot be "special" to a man; it just means that a woman should not fool herself into thinking that her physical appearance alone is what makes her "special" to men.

I remember reading a book written by relationship therapist who talked about being shocked by the number of women (super-model types) who came into his office everyday complaining about their husband's disinterest in them. Initially, the therapist was shocked by the womens' complaints because he assumed that any man who was married to these women would feel passion for them all the time, but the men did not. The therapist gave his explanation for why this happens. He sxplained that alhough men will find lots of women attractive, only a small number of these women have the potential to be his soul mate, someone with whom he shares a connection on ALL levels of attraction: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
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quote:
Orginially posted by Honest Brother:
I'm convinced that much of the imagery in the fashion world is determined by gay white men (I kid - but I believe there is a grain of truth to this). Take the current fashion in women's shoes. Those high heel pointy toe monstrosities. I haven't met a single straight man that finds those things appealing. They had to have been first designed by some gay guy tripping on some S&M.


yeah
I say that very thing to my female students who are desperately trying to find ways to stay slim. I agree with Honest Brother.tfro I have always said that the so-called fashion world is dictated by gay guys who fantasize about being women cuz it is reflected in designs they create...except that a real woman has everything she needs genetically and it didn't come with high heels shoes... These envy-mogules parade their fashion vision around without the slightest idea of a real woman's body...she does have chest [some women have more, some have less]...she does have "booty" [some women have more, some has less]...hips...thighs...etc. This unrealistic imagery reminds me of the Roman days, when the Romans [particular the "men"] were sooooo mesmerized by the anatomy of a male's body-seen in famous scrupture "The Statue of David"..and scruptures of varies women who are limbless-no legs and no arms. What is that tellin' ya?

Some of my students are just too pre-occupied with man's/fashion's intrepretation of beauty and when I can/or when I recognize it....I bring it out in the open and into discussion[making a big deal out of it]...pointing out as cliche as this sounds that "true beauty comes from within" and what make or defines beauty are ..self-love, dignity, integrity, self-respect, morals, values but those are only words and with teens you sometimes have to be visual....so I show them pictures of the after affects of a "meth"/crack user, anexoria-driven participant who sees herself as "fat." I blow these pictures up and keep them in class for a full month! I'm serious cuz "girls" are more affected by this than boys. Then I have a party to celebrate a newfound discovery of self--with pizza, chicken wings, hot dogs, burgers, veggies, fruit, the works -sometimes the staff will BBQ...and the aroma fills the schoolground on a Saturday mid-morning like you wouldn't believe. In my twelve years working with kids, I've had to do this at least 6 times. In my view, too many times.

Today, teens are affected by a lot of issues before they even step their foot in the classroom. From gangs, drugs, sex, abuse, homelessness, incarceration, being bullied/or being the bully, teen pregancy, self-mutilation, suicide, homicide, HIV-just to name a few...the last thing teens [especially girls] need in their lives at this point and time is a poor sense of self-image. I try to keep up on this so that I can try to stamp it out before it becomes an unfixable problem. Good topic.tfro Thanks for posting. fro
quote:
Originally posted by virtue/Khalliqa:
Most of us eventually catch on. When a man looks, we enjoy feeling attractive. And over time we learn not to feel less attractive when he turns away to look at someone else ("oh, she's prettier; oh she's slimmer"). And once we do that, enjoy the wonderful wiring that allows us to get so many nods of appreciation in a day, no matter our size or shape, it's praise men and pass the Ben and Jerry's!


As much as I enjoyed reading this article, the one thing that bothers me about Chavez's perspective is that she fails to recognize that most women are not even vying for men's interest and attention when they compete; women are competing against one another. Men might be visual, but women are observant. Women are capable of sizing up how much a woman's outfit cost, where she got it from, how much she spends on maintaining herself, and how much money she makes a year all in a matter of seconds. Men do not pay this much attention to detail. Typically, they just see a cute face and a decent figure, and that's "good enough" for them. This is why they find so many women "attractive."

On average, at a popular social gathering, a man may find up to fifteen women attractive, whereas a woman may find only one or two men attractive at the same gathering. At least, that has been my experience. When I'm at a party, or some place among my peers, I hardly ever see any attractive men. I see more attractive women who are obviously investing time and money into themselves than I do men. Seeing an attractive, well-dressed man anywhere is like watching a miracle take place.
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quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
I'm convinced that much of the imagery in the fashion world is determined by gay white men (I kid - but I believe there is a grain of truth to this). Take the current fashion in women's shoes. Those high heel pointy toe monstrosities. I haven't met a single straight man that finds those things appealing. They had to have been first designed by some gay guy tripping on some S&M. Smile


Brother Honest, this is the second time you've vented your frustration against pointed-toe shoes, so I want to address this topic. Though pointed-toe shoes are a trendy, fashion-must today, this classic pump has been around for a very long time, and it will probably never go out of style. Pointed-toe pumps, when paired with a slender pant suit, or conservative skirt suit, lengthens the legs and makes shorter women appear taller and more lean. That is why women wear them.

Round-toe shoes are typically worn by taller women, because they balance a lanky figure, and makes extremely tall women appear less tall. I definitely do not recommend short and/or stocky-sized women to wear round-toe shoes because round-toe shoes have a tendency to make these women appear even more plump and pudgy, rather than slender and lean. Pointed-toe pumps are for grown women who want to wear a sophisticated and classic shoe.

Because I am short AND petite, my shoe collection consists of mostly high-heeled classic pumps that I wear with fitted business suits or formal coats, similar to the the one seen in the photograph. However, I make certain that all of my shoes are made with HIGH-QUALITY materials, like 100% leather, so that the pointed-toe shoe will not curl up, or turn up at the corners as they age. If a woman is wearing the right size shoe for her feet (and she takes good care of her shoes), a pointed-toe shoe should be flattering, and last for a long time.

Below is an example of a model who is wearing a classic, pointed-toe pump. Every woman should own at least one pair of high-quality pumps for formal occasions, such as weddings, a job interview, or graduation:

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quote:
Originally posted by Kocolicious:
So I show them pictures of the after affects of a "meth"/crack user, anexoria-driven participant who sees herself as "fat." I blow these pictures up and keep them in class for a full month! I'm serious cuz "girls" are more affected by this than boys. Then I have a party to celebrate a newfound discovery of self--with pizza, chicken wings, hot dogs, burgers, veggies, fruit, the works -sometimes the staff will BBQ...and the aroma fills the schoolground on a Saturday mid-morning like you wouldn't believe. In my twelve years working with kids, I've had to do this at least 6 times. In my view, too many times.


I think it's great that want your students to appreciate themselves, but how is encouraging them to stuff themselves with unhealthy foods like "pizza" and "hotdogs" promoting a healthy self-image?? Being underweight is unhealthy, but so is being overweight or obese. Moreover, encouraging your students to have a healthy self-image doesn't just start with poking fun at the famous, but also giving your students the necessary tools to be the very best they can be despite what's going on around them, tools that will last them a lifetime, such as starting a healthy exercise regimen or integrating foods that make up a healthy, nutritious meal into their diets.
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quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
That's not the type I'm talking about. These are attractive. The ones I'm talking about come to a very sharp and steep point.

They might be classic but I don't remember seeing them until very recently and then they were everywhere all of a sudden. And everyone was wearing them (short and tall).

I'll look for a picture.


OOOOOOOOH yeah, I know which shoes you're talking about. You're talking about those "witch shoes" or "elf shoes" that look gawdy. Oh no, you're right. I don't like those shoes either. I hardly ever see any women in my area wearing shoes like these, but I have seen men in DC don these shoes, but they are usually on their way to the club. I don't care for those really pointy-toe shoes either, especially the ones will the silver or steel at the tip. Yuk! You can't wear them to work, and you definitely can't wear them on a job interview.

td6
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Although, on one of Maxwell's videos, I think it was the video for the song "Ascension", Maxwell donned a pair of lizard, pointy-toe shoes that were really pointy, so pointy, that they curled a little at the tip. For some reason (I suppose it's because Maxwell looks sexy wearing anything), the shoes looked good on him.
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quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by Kocolicious:
So I show them pictures of the after affects of a "meth"/crack user, anexoria-driven participant who sees herself as "fat." I blow these pictures up and keep them in class for a full month! I'm serious cuz "girls" are more affected by this than boys. Then I have a party to celebrate a newfound discovery of self--with pizza, chicken wings, hot dogs, burgers, veggies, fruit, the works -sometimes the staff will BBQ...and the aroma fills the schoolground on a Saturday mid-morning like you wouldn't believe. In my twelve years working with kids, I've had to do this at least 6 times. In my view, too many times.


I think it's great that want your students to appreciate themselves, but how is encouraging them to stuff themselves with unhealthy foods like "pizza" and "hotdogs" promoting a healthy self-image?? Being underweight is unhealthy, but so is being overweight or obese. Moreover, encouraging your students to have a healthy self-image doesn't just start with poking fun at the famous, but also giving your students the necessary tools to be the very best they can be despite what's going on around them, tools that will last them a lifetime, such as starting a healthy exercise regimen or integrating foods that make up a healthy, nutritious meal into their diets.


fro I am giving them a choice...they don't have to eat it...I also said veggie and fruit. I understand the obsession with food and the unhealthy obsession with being thin...and I definitely know the rules of nutrition---I had children and had to feed them everyday, however mental health [i.e. not eating due to a poor self image]is an issue not too many people want to discuss. And our teens, along with their other obessions, are having a problem focusing on self-care which includes EATING. As teenagers learn how to take care of themselves through observation, they develop the ability to know what is good eating behavior and what is not. Obesity is a problem but so is mental health AND the obsession with being thin. Exposing children to a variety of food choices teaches them healthy selection. And one day of having food choices is NOT gonna make them over eaters...but what it will do is teach them how to make healthy choices that will affect their lives.

I live in the real world and there are people who do eat hot dogs, burgers and such and do not have a health problem and are NOT OBESE. In life, moderation is the key for healthy living....and being afraid to eat simply to keep slim IS NOT healthy living.

And by the way, I don't poke fun-where did you get that from? In addition, you think meth/crack users are famous? I'm curious, what are YOU doing to teach teens healthy eating habits/choices?fro
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quote:
Originally posted by Kocolicious:
I'm curious, what are YOU doing to teach teens healthy eating habits/choices?fro


I teach very young children, and you should see the mounds of garbage that parents bring into the class for kids to eat. When school is open, every other day, it's cupcakes, an assortment of candy, sugar- and corn syrup-polluted "fruit drinks", and other confections that do absolutely nothing for children other than wire them up, and make it that much more difficult for teachers to manage the classroom and hold students' attention.

I don't know if you experience this problem, but parents - thinking they're doing an honorable deed - will leave all of this candy and junk food here for children, not realizing that teachers are the people who are left behind in the classroom having to deal with a large body of hyperactive students who want to do nothing but hop up and down, break dance on tables, and eat more candy.

Every school's administration needs to establish and reinforce a policy prohibiting parents from bringing in food to feed to children, especially during a time that is so dangerous. People are crazy these days, and many of them are either ignorant or careless about their own health. The last thing that children - with minds and bodies that are still developing - need is junk food. If parents had any real sense, they would prepare and bring in a very large fruit bowl salad, consisting of an assortment of freshly cut apples with a squirt of lemon, slices of tangerine, grapes, cherries, sweet watermelon, and blueberries - foods that will keep children energized, but also alert and attentive.
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quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by Kocolicious:
I'm curious, what are YOU doing to teach teens healthy eating habits/choices?fro


I teach very young children, and you should see the mounds of garbage that parents bring into the class for kids to eat. When school is open, every other day, it's cupcakes, an assortment of candy, sugar- and corn syrup-polluted "fruit drinks", and other confections that do absolutely NOTHING for children other than wire them up, and make it that much more difficult for teachers to manage the classroom and hold students' attention.

I don't know if you experience this problem, but parents - thinking they're doing an honorable deed - leave all of this junk here for children, not realizing that after they've dropped all of this crap off, teachers are the people who are left behind in the classroom having to deal with a large body of hyperactive students who want to do nothing but hop up and down, break dance on tables, and eat more candy.

I keep telling the administration that they need to establish and reinforce a policy prohibiting parents from bringing in food to feed to children, especially during a time that is so dangerous. People are crazy these days, and many of them are either ignorant or careless about their own health. The last thing that children - with minds and bodies that are still developing - need is junk food.


fro

That's different from having a poor self-image. By the time, I get your kids...many of them will not want to EAT anything let alone eat junk food. You have them at the beginning of their development...the torch is passed on to me during the middle part of their development where they make a conscious choice not to eat so that they can be thin, be accepted, be pretty, be popular..etc.

I agree-it must start at your level and it is partly the parents fault....but what do you think happens when I get them? They don't want to eat, half of them have ADD, on drugs, having sex, homeless, live in poverty, are wealthy but are latch-key, are runaways....the list goes on and on. But for me, many of these children suffer from low self-esteem and they punish their bodies by not eating properly. I have to be creative, I have to make it a game cuz deep inside these children have learned to dislike what they see in the mirror. So how can I teach when I don't have their attention? Cuz why? When you not are eating [let alone eating properly], you can't focus.

Any age is difficult, most teachers do not want to take middle and high school students simply because it so hard to reach them cuz many of them are so defiant. Good teachers have quit the school system and got nine to five jobs because they feel helpless. What used to work back then in the 1940-50s with kids just do not work now.

The School System is 50 years behind and failing these kids everyday. They need to catch up fast! We are dealing with students in the 21st Century with 21st Century issues. And because of this, we have to utilize every strategy and method available just to break through to them. Otherwise, by the time they reach college [if they go],many of them will experience the ramifications of poor eating habits that derived from early childhood. You're right it's hell working with hyperactive kids but really what can we as teachers do? I guess on your end be a positive example and hope it sticks and on my end continue to teach them self-care. And in the meantime hope and pray parents and the school system will come together in this national crisis and do what they are SUPPOSE to do to help kids live healthy. fro
quote:
Originally posted by Kocolicious:
I agree-it must start at your level and it is partly the parents fault....but what do you think happens when I get them? They don't want to eat


THEY DON'T WANT TO EAT!?! The last time I checked the stats in an issue of Diabetes Care, more than 229,000 children – approximately 3.2 cases for every 1,000 American children under the age of 18 – currently have diabetes. And one-third of those children are obese. American kids are eating, and they love eating the wrong foods. If they abandoned a fast-food diet, and adopted a vegetarian diet, or significantly lessened their meat consumption, they could maintain a decent body weight without having to punish themselves for being fat and looking fat.

quote:
I have to be creative, I have to make it a game cuz deep inside these children have learned to dislike what they see in the mirror. So how can I teach when I don't have their attention?


When I was a high school student, which was only twelve years ago, public high schools offered health and nutrition courses, and sex education courses too. It's too bad that many of these essential, foundational courses have been cut, especially in schools located in poor communities. These courses taught critical lessons to students, and taught students how to incorporate a balanced meal into their diets, and also how to approach relationships with the opposite sex, in addition to other important life skills. Now, people are left to figure out these things for themselves, and apparently they are not succeeding. It's sad.

quote:
Any age is difficult, most teachers do not want to take middle and high school students simply because it so hard to reach them cuz many of them are so defiant.


This is so true. You've said a mouthful. I left middle school years ago, and never looked back. It was the most awful teaching experience that I've ever had. I was way in over my head, and the kids knew it. They knew that I did not enjoy teaching this age group, and once students realize this, they become insecure and nervous about their position and value in the classroom and to the teacher. So I had to leave. I didn't want students to doubt themselves as learners because of my disdain for the situation. I LOVE teaching younger children, though. I like reading stories to them, coloring in coloring books with them, playing games with them, and thinking of fun activities and critical-thinking and mind-strengthening lessons for them to learn.

quote:
What used to work back then in the 1940-50s with kids just do not work now. The School System is 50 years behind and failing these kids everyday. They need to catch up fast! We are dealing with students in the 21st Century with 21st Century issues.


Again, you've nailed it. So, I must ask you this question: As a teacher, what are some of things that you do to modernize your lessons for students. How do you incorporate your ideas about how students should be educated into your classroom?
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How do you incorporate your ideas about how students should be educated into your classroom?


fro
It is a struggle...let me tell you. My lesson plan utilizes history as a learning component that combines music, writing and performance. My method allow students to explore the interrelationships of their own existence with those of others and learn the tempo and structure of language art early in development and understand the historical contributions and cultural dimensions of African American music. In doing so, they are be able to identify different or similar uses of musical elements in music from the African American culture, master vocabulary, become variance in self expression and acquire skill in understanding people who have lived before them, participate in and contribute to a common literary music heritage.

My teaching technique is different but it has worked so far. And I've had students move on to college, majoring in African American studies. As you, I LOVE what I do and I particularly LOVE this age group. Cuz back in day when I was coming up, we did not have this type of class format. In American history books, African Americans were only mentioned in one paragraph. That not only stayed with me but it inspired me. fro
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THEY DON'T WANT TO EAT!?! The last time I checked the stats in an issue of Diabetes Care, more than 229,000 children – approximately 3.2 cases for every 1,000 American children under the age of 18 – currently have diabetes. And one-third of those children are obese. American kids are eating, and they love eating the wrong foods. If they abandoned a fast-food diet, and adopted a vegetarian diet, or significantly lessened their meat consumption, they could maintain a decent body weight without having to punish themselves for being fat and looking fat.


fro
Well...I haven't check the stats...so you are probably right. I deal with what I have in front of me. And currently those are my issues with students: Low self-image.

The things that you say is absolutely correct in regards to nutrition-I'm not debating with you on this but I deal with the other half of the one-third of students who have their own ideas about "eating." And what teen do you know who will do the right thing-ever? This is a rebellious "who am I" period in their life when they transcend from middle childhood to young adulthood. You say "right" and immediately they say "left." Just cuz...no reason. So I have to come at them directly....cuz I want results....and I want them to think before they react....so in doing so I have to do a whole lot of preparation cuz kids at this age will challenge you and they are extremely bright...so you have to be on your toes..And since the school system has taken out almost all the arts classes what is left? What is left for teens to do that will keep them busy thinking and not reacting?....I give them what is "left"....creativity. The kids need this. I just don't know what the school system is doing....they are hurting our kids by not providing them with the essential...this is an essential It is so sad...but you really have to love what you do to hang in here...otherwise, what would be the point? fro
quote:
Originally posted by Kocolicious:
My lesson plan utilizes history as a learning component that combines music, writing and performance. My method allow students to explore the interrelationships of their own existence with those of others and learn the tempo and structure of language art early in development and understand the historical contributions and cultural dimensions of African American music.


Ok, so this is interesting. It reads as if you have taken an interdisciplinary approach to teaching, one that takes a little bit here and there from multiple subjects. I've done some research on interdisciplinary approaches to teaching, but not a lot. From what I've studied, this approach helps students to see how the different subjects and concepts learned in a school are related. If this approach works for you, and the students benefit from this method of teaching, then I say stick with it! That is great.
quote:
Ok, so this is interesting. It reads as if you have taken an interdisciplinary approach to teaching, one that takes a little bit here and there from multiple subjects. I've done some research on interdisciplinary approaches to teaching, but not a lot. From what I've studied, this approach helps students to see how the different subjects and concepts learned in a school are related. If this approach works for you, and the students benefit from this method of teaching, then I say stick with it! That is great.


fro I wasn't seeking approval...I'm just telling you what I do and what I have been doing for over twelve years which I pointed out earlier. In fairness...I think you're a little arrogant and it's a little insulting cuz my credentials have absolutely nothing to do with whether YOU accept them or not! Kids will continue to come to me and I will continue to help them....so please don't come back with something smart to say cuz I am not goin' to respond...This subject is closed as far as I'm concerned....tfro
quote:
Originally posted by Kocolicious:
fro I wasn't seeking approval...I'm just telling you what I do and what I have been doing for over twelve years which I pointed out earlier. In fairness...I think you're a little arrogant and it's a little insulting cuz my credentials have absolutely nothing to do with whether YOU accept them or not! Kids will continue to come to me and I will continue to help them....so please don't come back with something smart to say cuz I am not goin' to respond...This subject is closed as far as I'm concerned....tfro


I wasn't offering my approval. From your posts, I could tell that you've gained a lot of experience as an educator - certainly much more than I have - and so I only wanted to benefit from your experience.
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