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I have notice a disturbing trend among women in my age group and thats man sharing. Many of my boys are what I hate to say are Playas, they have multiple Women. Problaby my closes friend has 6 women(girlfriends). And I meet these women many college educated, beautiful, they seem to have common sense. But after I see how far these ladies stoop to have a man that other women see as desirable or has a certain image, I lose all respect for them. It doesnt only make them look foolish, but its also is a health issue. Espescially since black women are the leaders in catching HIV. I just think its sad and hope that women in my generation grow out of the whole group think mindset and start to think outside the box as far as what qualities are really important in a person. Like loyalty and respect,and for all the ladies that would never share a man and are looking for a good guy. I have a suggestion, look for the Diamnod in the rough. He may not "appear" to be at the top of the ladder of success, but hes quietly climbing the rungs.
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Just curious why you haven't lost respect for the boys who are participating in this.. Many dudes lie. So, are you saying that all the women know about the other girls? If that's the case, seems like they are getting theirs just like he is getting his. If not, then he's a liar, and if we are too trusting of black men, then that's different topic. I'm assuming you are a black woman, so why would you be friends with a "playa" who mistreats other black women? I agree we need help, but I can't see why its us who looks foolish and not the guy too.
Good question. Suppy & demand?

Whatever the case, it's unthinkable to me. That said, I guess at some level I'd rather *know* that I'm not the only one than to entertain the fantasy that I am, while he's out "giving freely of himself" like he's performing some sort of community-minded public service.

"...look for the Diamnod in the rough. He may not "appear" to be at the top of the ladder of success, but hes quietly climbing the rungs."

That makes me smile.
quote:
Originally posted by Texas Star:
Just curious why you haven't lost respect for the boys who are participating in this.. Many dudes lie. So, are you saying that all the women know about the other girls? If that's the case, seems like they are getting theirs just like he is getting his. If not, then he's a liar, and if we are too trusting of black men, then that's different topic. I'm assuming you are a black woman, so why would you be friends with a "playa" who mistreats other black women? I agree we need help, but I can't see why its us who looks foolish and not the guy too.




Im actually a guy, and if the women themselves dont notice all the signs in there faces. Leaving the room to answer the cell phone, breaking numerous dates, differnt ladies clothes in the vehicle, making excuses why I cant spend valentines day with you, the ones I heard were just plain ridulous. My mother always said people can only do to you what you allow them to do to you. Trust me the ladies know whats going on. Because my friend has his moms Lincoln Navigator and charged him a brand new outfit he know he fits the mold to many womens ideal image. So they gladly share him so they can tell all their girlfriends I have a "Baller"
wel HOBO

HOPE YOU STAY AROUND FOR AWHILE. THIS IS A WONDERFUL SITE. WE ARE ALL FAMILY HERE.

I CANNOT ANSWER FOR ALL WOMEN, BUT SOME OF THE WOMEN HER AT THE COLLEGE I ATTEND, DO TEND TO SHARE MEN, AND IT IS A PITIFUL THING. OUR BLACK FEMALE SISTAS NEED TO PAST THIS LEVEL, AND REACH FOR HIGHER GOALS.I CAN ONLY ONLY SHAKE MY HEAD WHEN I SEEE THEM.
quote:
Originally posted by ma'am:
quote:
Originally posted by cakeaholic:
Im actually a guy. . .


No shit.

Instead of asking playa lovers the question you asked women in their twenties and then instead of addressing the dogs your attention seems to be squarely on the shoulders 20s women.

Your gender is pretty much a given.


Couldn't agree more. lol

On Judy Judy this evening, there was a young man who was trying very hard not too see why it was wrong to accept gifts from a woman he had no intention of dating, though he knew that was her motive. After a few minutes of back and forth and much eye-rolling from everyone in the studio, her Bailiff finally whispered to her "Just stop. You're trying to explain character to someone who has none." (Love that line!)

That seems to be the gist of the reasons that men give for why they don't direct any serious attention on other men's misdeeds: men will never get it and will never change, so women you should have brains and morals enough for both of us instead. Roll Eyes No thanks.
Instead of asking playa lovers the question you asked women in their twenties and then instead of addressing the dogs your attention seems to be squarely on the shoulders 20s women.

Your gender is pretty much a given.[/QUOTE]

Couldn't agree more. lol

On Judy Judy this evening, there was a young man who was trying very hard not too see why it was wrong to accept gifts from a woman he had no intention of dating, though he knew that was her motive. After a few minutes of back and forth and much eye-rolling from everyone in the studio, her Bailiff finally whispered to her "Just stop. You're trying to explain character to someone who has none." (Love that line!)

That seems to be the gist of the reasons that men give for why they don't direct any serious attention on other men's misdeeds: men will never get it and will never change, so women you should have brains and morals enough for both of us instead. Roll Eyes No thanks.[/QUOTE]


I guess we would have to agree to disagree. Two wrongs definitely doesnt make a right. Maybe Im aboslutely wrong about this hmm.... motives for men to change????? lets see good guy, being nice to women, respectful. being humble, being a one women man.REWARDS:NO WOMAN okay now the bad boy, being an asshole, liar, being phony, being disrespectful REWARDS:MORE WOMEN AND SEX THAN HE CAN HANDLE. Now men will finally understand the errors of their ways, seeing how horrible they are treated when they treat women like pieces of sh*t. Thanks for enlightining me hat
cake-

We've been down this road too many times as of late! The ladies here will tell you that they are not the types you describe in your bad boy reward scenario. You have to ask them whether they believe the picture you paint is the norm.

Take a look at some of the threads in this forum and Dating/Relationships/Sexuality over the last 3-6 months. You'll probably find any relationship question (and subsequent response) you want to raise. If you want to push the issue again, be my guest. You've been warned... Big Grin


Bottom Line: If you want a dating pool that's not what you currently see, you may need to move to a city where the female posters of AA.org (and their like-minded friends) live.
The type of woman who looks for a "baller" is IMO very much different from a woman looking for a man who is financially successful/stable.

In any event, men who treat women like shit aren't contained to any particular class/social group and they're the ones with the problem, so this still belongs in The Den, posed to the offenders, not the victims.

quote:
We've been down this road too many times as of late! The ladies here will tell you that they are not the types you describe in your bad boy reward scenario. You have to ask them whether they believe the picture you paint is the norm.

Take a look at some of the threads in this forum and Dating/Relationships/Sexuality over the last 3-6 months. You'll probably find any relationship question (and subsequent response) you want to raise. If you want to push the issue again, be my guest. You've been warned...

That is probably the smartest thing you've ever said. Big Grin cabbage kiss
quote:
Originally posted by cakeaholic:
I have notice a disturbing trend among women in my age group and thats man sharing. Many of my boys are what I hate to say are Playas, they have multiple Women. Problaby my closes friend has 6 women(girlfriends). And I meet these women many college educated, beautiful, they seem to have common sense. But after I see how far these ladies stoop to have a man that other women see as desirable or has a certain image, I lose all respect for them. It doesnt only make them look foolish, but its also is a health issue. Espescially since black women are the leaders in catching HIV. I just think its sad and hope that women in my generation grow out of the whole group think mindset and start to think outside the box as far as what qualities are really important in a person. Like loyalty and respect,and for all the ladies that would never share a man and are looking for a good guy. I have a suggestion, look for the Diamnod in the rough. He may not "appear" to be at the top of the ladder of success, but hes quietly climbing the rungs.


it's a growing phase those women are going through. Choosing style over substance. When they get older or become a single parent, they will begin to seek out men of substance. Unfortunately, many of those guys want nothing to do with them then. Why should Mr. Good Blackman have to accept Ray-ray's rejects??
quote:
Originally posted by cakeaholic:
lets see good guy, being nice to women, respectful. being humble, being a one women man.REWARDS:NO WOMAN okay now the bad boy, being an asshole, liar, being phony, being disrespectful REWARDS:MORE WOMEN AND SEX THAN HE CAN HANDLE.


You've just figured this out? What's so hard to accept about this? It's called positive reinforcement.
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
it's a growing phase those women are going through. Choosing style over substance. When they get older or become a single parent, they will begin to seek out men of substance. Unfortunately, ......


Unfortunately, the brothas of these women's generation grew up fitting the detrimental image that many women wanted when they were between the ages of 22-32 and when their preference for men suddenly shifted as they matured, the men that grew up with them for the past 10 years are stuck uneducated, only knows hustling, no past job experience, criminal record and only owns oversized pants. But can you blame ˜em? The appeal of pussy is a bitch.
quote:
Originally posted by hobo:
.....they may share men because they have low-self esteem......


Here in Detroit, there is currently a conference going on to address the issues of young girls including building self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth, emotional health, social skills and the necessary tools needed for healthy relationships. www.girls-matter.org

Is in the best interest of the black community that our young girls grow up into women who do not find appeal in man-sharing, who demand marriage before children, who don't use their bodies for gratification nor involve themselves with men of unequal yoke.
quote:
Is in the best interest of the black community that our young girls grow up into women who do not find appeal in man-sharing, who demand marriage before children, who don't use their bodies for gratification nor involve themselves with men of unequal yoke.


These women are obviously receiving some sort of benefits. If they KNOW he's a playa, how are we sure that they're not 'playing' as well? Part of the deception I believe.

For these types of men to believe that women believe anything they say is crazy to me. Women feed off of eachothers experiences, so they already have heightened b.s. detecting senses... so... Who's really being dishonest?
quote:
Originally posted by HeruStar:
If they KNOW he's a playa, how are we sure that they're not 'playing' as well?


Of course they are but why (playing as well)? We know what motivates the "playa"; what motivates a young woman to not want a man to herself? Shouldn't she know and understand that she deserves her "own" man? If young women "go-for" playas, doesn't this fact influence the behavior of young men swayed by sex?
quote:
doesn't this fact influence the behavior of young men swayed by sex?


indeed... but what if he serves as a social facade, in order to mask her true sexual agenda. There's the boohoo about women being 'labeled' if she is 'seen' doing the same things that men do, but women have long since liberated themselves sexually, they've just gotten more cunning.

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