What are the criterion? If you are an avowed bachelor, what kind of woman do you believe would make you seriously consider marriage? Has certain characteristics in a woman made you rethink the idea of marriage? Have you had your heart set on one kind of woman only to find yourself marrying someone completely different?

If you are completely against the idea of marriage, and you feel there are one or more qualities (societal or personal) that would get you to reconsider marriage, what would they be?

I am asking those who see marriage or the possibility of marriage as useful.....
Original Post
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
What are the criterion? If you are an avowed bachelor, what kind of woman do you believe would make you seriously consider marriage? Has certain characteristics in a woman made you rethink the idea of marriage? Have you had your heart set on one kind of woman only to find yourself marrying someone completely different?

If you are completely against the idea of marriage, and you feel there are one or more qualities (societal or personal) that would get you to reconsider marriage, what would they be?

I am asking those who see marriage or the possibility of marriage as useful.....
19 A few weeks ago, you seemed to think we were pimps.
Here's a preliminary answer off top of head... subject to later refining/additions.

1. Very far above average intelligence, both in terms of "what she knows" and in terms of analytical/reasoning abilities.

2. The lack of pretension.

3. Priorities in life based on transcendent criteria instead of the "social mirror" or materialism (not to say she doesn't want things; just that she doesn't focus on that as a basis for measurement, judgment, and activity to revolve around).

4. Day-brightening, open, fun personality.

5. Lover of affection.

6. More attractive physically than most women I will lay eyes on during the average week. (applying my flame-resistant material for later comments... Red Face )

7. Cares about issues going on around her that don't necessarily directly affect her day to day existence.

8. Has compatible taste in music, and in entertainment generally, to mine (I have no idea why this is so important, but experience tells me it is!).

9. Argument style about coming to the right answer, not about "winning" at all costs...

10. Emotional maturity. (related to 9).

There may be others. But I gotta go to work...
1. Peace (which comes from an understanding of God and self)

2. Conscious Priorities (and I'm nowhere near the bottom of the list)

3. Assertive respect

--------------------------------------------

If I'm attracted to her, and she has those 3 things...
Here comes the bride.

Problem is, can't quite get ALL OF THE ABOVE. It's like I'm playing spades... I've run into nothing but "one and a possible".
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:
6. More attractive physically than most women I will lay eyes on during the average week. (applying my flame-resistant material for later comments... Red Face )



Contrarily...

I find this is slightly reasonable... your attractive leanings are important... I think some react to the the criteria used to determine this.... and how honest one is within themselves as to how easily led astray they may be when they encounter one more beautiful than the one they have chosen....

as relationships naturally involve some amount of tension that may detract from one's beauty....


Salaam...
quote:
Originally posted by HeruStar:
1. Peace (which comes from an understanding of God and self)

2. Conscious Priorities (and I'm nowhere near the bottom of the list)

3. Assertive respect

--------------------------------------------

If I'm attracted to her, and she has those 3 things...
Here comes the bride.

Problem is, can't quite get ALL OF THE ABOVE. It's like I'm playing spades... I've run into nothing but "one and a possible".



I was curious if men ever have lists like women do popping in their heads...

I used to...

I pretty much know what I want when it is in my presence nowadays... though...

and I was curious as how a male perspective would evaluate the concept of settling down with a woman...


I must say some of the responses are refreshing...

Smile
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:
6. More attractive physically than most women I will lay eyes on during the average week. (applying my flame-resistant material for later comments... Red Face )



Contrarily...

I find this is slightly reasonable... your attractive leanings are important... I think some react to the criteria used to determine this....

Yeah, but anyone who has actual "criteria" to determine physical attraction too many issues to be trying to get married anyway... Physical attraction should be organic and without any conscious effort, unless you've 1) identified a problem with your leanings and 2) internalized the solution so deeply that you honestly, honestly have changed your leanings. You're doing no one any favors in the long run by claiming to be attracted to someone you're not really happy with.

quote:
and how honest one is within themselves as to how easily led astray they may be when they encounter one more beautiful than the one they have chosen....

as relationships naturally involve some amount of tension that may detract from one's beauty....
True, but that's where the other things, like "emotional maturity" and such, should take over. You can't control for these future problems in the beginning. Each person has to be honest about themselves, their weaknesses, and their capabilities.
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:

Physical attraction should be organic and without any conscious effort... You're doing no one any favors in the long run by claiming to be attracted to someone you're not really happy with.



This sentiment was what I was in agreement with... I termed it reasonable...



quote:
[QUOTE] and how honest one is within themselves as to how easily led astray they may be when they encounter one more beautiful than the one they have chosen....

as relationships naturally involve some amount of tension that may detract from one's beauty....
True, but that's where the other things, like "emotional maturity" and such, should take over. You can't control for these future problems in the beginning. Each person has to be honest about themselves, their weaknesses, and their capabilities.


I agree... but as we live in a society that tends towards the shallow.... and men have a reputation, in this country, especially with spouting decisions based off of altruistic notions but making final decisions based off shallow desires.... I thought I'd add the caveat...
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
19 A few weeks ago, you seemed to think we were pimps.


Brothers, such as yourself who create threads promoting pimping women seems to engender a response that way...

go figure...



19 maybe that a judgment that you made based off of your pre-loaded opinion of black men. I don't think any pimps are members of this board, if they are they must be hiding it very well
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:
Here's a preliminary answer off top of head... subject to later refining/additions.

1. Very far above average intelligence, both in terms of "what she knows" and in terms of analytical/reasoning abilities.

2. The lack of pretension.

3. Priorities in life based on transcendent criteria instead of the "social mirror" or materialism (not to say she doesn't want things; just that she doesn't focus on that as a basis for measurement, judgment, and activity to revolve around).

4. Day-brightening, open, fun personality.

5. Lover of affection.

6. More attractive physically than most women I will lay eyes on during the average week. (applying my flame-resistant material for later comments... Red Face )

7. Cares about issues going on around her that don't necessarily directly affect her day to day existence.

8. Has compatible taste in music, and in entertainment generally, to mine (I have no idea why this is so important, but experience tells me it is!).

9. Argument style about coming to the right answer, not about "winning" at all costs...

10. Emotional maturity. (related to 9).




Why invent the wheel?

Me too!
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
19 A few weeks ago, you seemed to think we were pimps.


Brothers, such as yourself who create threads promoting pimping women seems to engender a response that way...

go figure...



19 maybe that a judgment that you made based off of your pre-loaded opinion of black men.


No.. you really do begin threads advocating pimping women..

and its true, there has been little to no response from other men on the board responding in opposition.... in fact a few have joined in....
Completely curious question... have any of you ever did comparison studies of other societies and how they go about finding mates?

Also, have you ever come close to finding someone that you felt you could be happy with? What happened...? For divorcees.. Umm... I'm not referring to past marriages... I suppose I'm asking about relationships after a divorce...
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:
Here's a preliminary answer off top of head... subject to later refining/additions.

1. Very far above average intelligence, both in terms of "what she knows" and in terms of analytical/reasoning abilities.

2. The lack of pretension.

3. Priorities in life based on transcendent criteria instead of the "social mirror" or materialism (not to say she doesn't want things; just that she doesn't focus on that as a basis for measurement, judgment, and activity to revolve around).

4. Day-brightening, open, fun personality.

5. Lover of affection.

6. More attractive physically than most women I will lay eyes on during the average week. (applying my flame-resistant material for later comments... Red Face )

7. Cares about issues going on around her that don't necessarily directly affect her day to day existence.

8. Has compatible taste in music, and in entertainment generally, to mine (I have no idea why this is so important, but experience tells me it is!).

9. Argument style about coming to the right answer, not about "winning" at all costs...

10. Emotional maturity. (related to 9).

There may be others. But I gotta go to work...


Oooookaaaay!! So, what time do I show up at the church/mosque/temple/chapel/JP/makeshift setting in the park/or whateva ... sweet cakes!?! eyes kiss
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
19 A few weeks ago, you seemed to think we were pimps.


Brothers, such as yourself who create threads promoting pimping women seems to engender a response that way...

go figure...



19 maybe that a judgment that you made based off of your pre-loaded opinion of black men.


No.. you really do begin threads advocating pimping women..

and its true, there has been little to no response from other men on the board responding in opposition.... in fact a few have joined in....


pimping women?? I don't believe that is true. Maybe there is a misunderstanding of terms...are you saying that I have posted thread topics that encourage men to buy a convertible cadillac and a fur lined coat [with matching top hat] and hire hookers for the criminal act of prostitution?? 19 I don't remember posting such things.
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
munch


can you show me a link that shows that I posted such thing?? 19



You disgust me RR....

do your own leg work... I tried to drop it... but you just disgust me..

please know that from now on I will simply cease engaging you....


pimp on playa...
I am soon to be married and the major charactertistics that caught my attention:

1. Physically attractive.

2. Has to have common sense and share the same values as I do; including the ability to make intelligent decisions.

3. I have to be able to see her as the mother of my children (Sometimes you can date a woman and if you dread the thought of having a kid with her, then she is probably not YOUR idea of wife material).
quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
Oooookaaaay!! So, what time do I show up at the church/mosque/temple/chapel/JP/makeshift setting in the park/or whateva ... sweet cakes!?! eyes kiss
Church? Confused
MOSQUE?!? Eek
TEMPLE?!? spank

j/k... The J.P. will be just fine, baby... tfro
quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:
3. I have to be able to see her as the mother of my children (Sometimes you can date a woman and if you dread the thought of having a kid with her, then she is probably not YOUR idea of wife material).


A man that thinks of children... very wise Ronin...I think this is key.... and crucial to evaluating a spouse... as once a couple begins having children... all other compatible traits get strained, tested or enhanced...


cool to know that this could be on a man's mind.....


What are some of the traits that a woman may make a good mother? keeping in mind that how she treats you as your wife may be completely different characteristics displayed as a mother...



Salaam....
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:
3. I have to be able to see her as the mother of my children (Sometimes you can date a woman and if you dread the thought of having a kid with her, then she is probably not YOUR idea of wife material).


A man that thinks of children... very wise Ronin...I think this is key.... and crucial to evaluating a spouse... as once a couple begins having children... all other compatible traits get strained, tested or enhanced...


cool to know that this could be on a man's mind.....


What are some of the traits that a woman may make a good mother? keeping in mind that how she treats you as your wife may be completely different characteristics displayed as a mother...



Salaam....


I believe a mother has to want to share the leadership role. This is very important for a child to see his/her mother and/or father as a leader. She also has to WANT to be a mother.

She has to accept the challenge to teach, protect, and provide comfort(love and care).
quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:

I believe a mother has to want to share the leadership role. This is very important for a child to see his/her mother and/or father as a leader. She also has to WANT to be a mother.

She has to accept the challenge to teach, protect, and provide comfort(love and care).



I'm not sure how to interpret this... I understand what most people say when they speak of a woman leading in the home... As I can only speculate that the values you posess you wish to see carried out in the models of yourself and your wife as you would wish to see them expressed in society.... How does this translate to you... and would you mind explaining why you feel this is necessary for your child to see....


quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:
She also has to WANT to be a mother.



Perhaps it's no surprise... but I personally identify most with this statement...


yes..

May I ask ( I thought you were married???) If you are, before your wife, were these traits difficult to find in a woman? If not, do you find them scarce?
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:

I believe a mother has to want to share the leadership role. This is very important for a child to see his/her mother and/or father as a leader. She also has to WANT to be a mother.

She has to accept the challenge to teach, protect, and provide comfort(love and care).



I'm not sure how to interpret this... I understand what most people say when they speak of a woman leading in the home... As I can only speculate that the values you posess you wish to see carried out in the models of yourself and your wife as you would wish to see them expressed in society.... How does this translate to you... and would you mind explaining why you feel this is necessary for your child to see....


quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:
She also has to WANT to be a mother.



Perhaps it's no surprise... but I personally identify most with this statement...


yes..

May I ask ( I thought you were married???) If you are, before your wife, were these traits difficult to find in a woman? If not, do you find them scarce?


I am soon to be married with a 1st baby on the way. Big Grin I am not sure if the qualities are "scarce." Although it has taken me 30 years to find the right woman, I believe that many people are capable of being the quality person that can become part of a marriage and/or family. Some people have to go through life (making mistakes, learning) to reach that point, while others do not.
quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:
I am soon to be married with a 1st baby on the way. Big Grin I am not sure if the qualities are "scarce." Although it has taken me 30 years to find the right woman,


Oh my....! Congratulations!!! I must say that is refreshing to hear.... APIDTA!!!!

And a baby!

I couldn't put my finger on what I was feeling from your post....


I kept retyping my response..

wisdom?

maturity?

Peace...


Will there be a wedding Ronin? If so are the members invited? Big Grin

quote:
I believe that many people are capable of being the quality person that can become part of a marriage and/or family. Some people have to go through life (making mistakes, learning) to reach that point, while others do not.



I agree beloved...

Congratulations to you, your wife and your baby...



Salaam....
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
munch


can you show me a link that shows that I posted such thing?? 19



You disgust me RR....

do your own leg work... I tried to drop it... but you just disgust me..

please know that from now on I will simply cease engaging you....


pimp on playa...


what's funny is that you can't support your own accusations. Was I wrong to ask you to PROVE what you were saying?? I guess so. Please forgive me for expecting you to have grounds for what your were saying. take care. tfro

Add Reply

Likes (0)
Post
×
×
×
×