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I continue to be happily married for over 13 years.

I have just a simple question why is it that since being married I have had all sorts of women of various ages and colours tell me how attractive (i don't see it) I am and when I was single it was like I had a hazardous material sign around my neck.

What changed/ where were these women when I was single?? is it because i am married that it is okay to saw these things (ego boosting as it is)?

I am just wondering as last night while I was out with my wife at a friend's birthday party his relatives wanted to introduce me to their daughter it was weird. No, I introduced them to my wife.
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Because an unavailable man or woman (married, in a relationship) is more attractive. Some people believe that if you are taken, then it is proof of your value.

...the less available, the more valuable....

When I am in a relationship, the women are everywhere. When I am single, I have the hazardous material sign around my neck.
quote:
Originally posted by Blacksanction:
I continue to be happily married for over 13 years.

I have just a simple question why is it that since being married I have had all sorts of women of various ages and colours tell me how attractive (i don't see it) I am and when I was single it was like I had a hazardous material sign around my neck.

What changed/ where were these women when I was single?? is it because i am married that it is okay to saw these things (ego boosting as it is)?

I am just wondering as last night while I was out with my wife at a friend's birthday party his relatives wanted to introduce me to their daughter it was weird. No, I introduced them to my wife.


Kinda scary.....but as Ronin stated...it seems to me that in the case of married or involved men, once you are in a serious relationship, you beome a hot commodity as you are now seen as serious, mature dating material. Others prefer married men because of the fact that they do not want a serious relationship but do wan someone that is more financially stable, nuturing..etc.
As bizarre as this may sound, I noticed the same thing. As soon as that little gold band appeared on my finger I began seeing more interest from women. I've actually been hit on at the market, at the book store, at a funeral...and don't get me started on what happens at the local bar. I've asked women, after the initial approach and my explanation of being "happily married", why they approached.

The answers varied, but one single lady said it was because she wanted sex without strings"”because I was married, I was less likely to have STDs. One woman admitted she felt that my marriage was proof of "Goodness".

Yet, if I jumped into bed with her, wouldn't that negate the idea?
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I've seen women, who could careless if a man is married or involved.

I call them desparate.....with no self esteem. I really could care less what the reasons are......

There are so many single men.....no need to tap into someone elses drama.


I don't think it is a matter of trying to take someone's man/woman. I think that people view married or involved people as more attractive, although it may not be true. A married person is "almost impossible" to attain, therefore his/her value goes up. It's equivalent to getting a toy that no one else has, everyone wants one. But if everyone has one, no one wants it anymore.
quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:
Because an unavailable man or woman (married, in a relationship) is more attractive.

When I am in a relationship, the women are everywhere. When I am single, I have the hazardous material sign around my neck.


lol

There's another side of this as well, not just the 'he/she' is 'taken' so he/she has 'proven value'.

Ideally, the two desirable skills a married man has are: Experience (with women on all levels, not just sexually) and commitment.

Just my opinion ok?

Men who have been in (and hopefully still are) substantially long relationships - married or not - are attractive because they've shown various qualities.... commitment to a relationship; ability to co-exist and co-habit peacefully with a woman. Also, a lack of focus on self only.

Men who are happy in their long term partnership with a woman usually have more highly developed interpersonal skills between both sexes. Every long term relationship requires a lot more shared intimacy than a one night stand. Smile

Men who stay married usually like women, and ENJOY spending time with them, sharing goals, sharing responsibilities, learning together, having fun, etc. as opposed to being an expert serial dater with a short term focus.

IMO, in the right partnership men (as well as women) also mature and develop into (at least my definition of) a real man. Beyond a male-only orbit.

If that partnership produces children, then men develop to the next level which is a father. Which brings other joys and satisfactions.

I guess I should add, that women can spot immaturity in a man, a mile off. Big Grin

Just my thoughts. It's early morning and I haven't had any coffee yet. Wink

btw: congrats Blacksanction on the longevity of your marriage and the obvious buzz you get from it. tfro
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quote:
Originally posted by Blacksanction:
I have just a simple question why is it that since being married I have had all sorts of women of various ages and colours tell me how attractive (i don't see it) I am and when I was single it was like I had a hazardous material sign around my neck.

What changed/ where were these women when I was single?? is it because i am married that it is okay to saw these things (ego boosting as it is)?

Most likely, your wife, like any other wife, has spruced you up a bit: wiped the crust out of your eyes, thrown away that "throwback" clothing, warned you about doing that stupid walk, etc.
i always say, getting a man is like getting a job. it's easier to get one when you got one. i guess it goes for men too. when a sister is debating whether or not to dump her man or wait until she finds someone else, it seems she may do well to wait until a new man comes around. a single woman sometimes puts off that desperate vibe that scare men away. but for some reason, men like you better when you don't need a man, cuz you got one.
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
quote:
Originally posted by Blacksanction:
I have just a simple question why is it that since being married I have had all sorts of women of various ages and colours tell me how attractive (i don't see it) I am and when I was single it was like I had a hazardous material sign around my neck.

What changed/ where were these women when I was single?? is it because i am married that it is okay to saw these things (ego boosting as it is)?

Most likely, your wife, like any other wife, has spruced you up a bit: wiped the crust out of your eyes, thrown away that "throwback" clothing, warned you about doing that stupid walk, etc.


thanks
quote:
Originally posted by AudioGuy:
You have a lot more confidence. Women are generally very attracted to men who exude confidence.


Perhaps men who claim to be "babe magnets" (now that they've got hitched) are noticing more women find them attractive because they are always looking for it? The same thing happens when you've purchased a new car. Once you drive it, suddenly you find yourself noticing the car everywhere you go. Perhaps before you got married, the same number of women found you attractive, but you were too busy entertainig self-defeatist thinking to notice.
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quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
quote:
Originally posted by Blacksanction:
I have just a simple question why is it that since being married I have had all sorts of women of various ages and colours tell me how attractive (i don't see it) I am and when I was single it was like I had a hazardous material sign around my neck.

What changed/ where were these women when I was single?? is it because i am married that it is okay to saw these things (ego boosting as it is)?

Most likely, your wife, like any other wife, has spruced you up a bit: wiped the crust out of your eyes, thrown away that "throwback" clothing, warned you about doing that stupid walk, etc.


sleep Blah, blah, blah... sleep

WRONG!! nono

The fellas- some of us I think... still heart you, despite your ego trippin'
yeah

laugh
How do you figure that's "ego trippin?" I didn't say I polished him up. You're just looking for a way to bust my chops (cuz you like me). What's next, D? A note asking me if I like you, circle Yes or No? Cool

I do think married men and men in serious relationships dress and carry themselves better because of the influence of their partners. And I think a lot of women can't help but dispense advice, tips, commandments when a man is dressing to go someplace with her. If it's attractive to your wife, chances are it's attractive to another woman out there. If your wife appreciates it, chances are another woman does as well. Married men are already "broken in" so to speak. You don't have to waste time explaining to him why it's never a good idea to swipe a hat off your head "for fun." He already knows that hours went into framing the hair hanging below that hat just so and you will lose your mind if he messes it up. Etc. He's Plug-n-Play, Ready-to-Go.
Wait a minute...I do not scream for attention. The first thing the young women of Detroit taught me: "If you're not the "image" of the Strong, hyper-masculine brotha, then don't waste your time.

So I learned to dress any way I wanted to, drive what ever POS I wanted to and read, write and watch as many documentaries as I wanted to. You can't get more low-key than I am"”I'm almost invisible. I have never been a player, chaser or faker.

When these women approach me, I look as if my employment were quite questionable...my wife prefers me to dress like a bum when I go out alone"”for she has seen this occurrence of women pursuing me in the market...it's scary. Of course I look a bit neater when I'm out with her and the kids.
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
If it's attractive to your wife, chances are it's attractive to another woman out there. If your wife appreciates it, chances are another woman does as well.


Sho'nuff, you saw what sexy Jada Pinkett did for Will. She turned a loud-color wearing, high-top fade rocking kid rapper into the handsome and sophisticated man that we see today. Will didn't look like that before he met Jada. Oh no. She hooked him up, and now he's making millions because he's a star. And thanks to Jada's style sense and zero-bama tolerance, he looks like one!
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
If it's attractive to your wife, chances are it's attractive to another woman out there. If your wife appreciates it, chances are another woman does as well.


Sho'nuff, you saw what sexy Jada Pinkett did for Will. She turned a loud-color wearing, high-top fade rocking kid rapper into the handsome and sophisticated man that we see today. Will didn't look like that before he met Jada. Oh no. She hooked him up, and now he's making millions because he's a star. And thanks to Jada's style sense and zero-bama tolerance, he looks like one!


Let me know if a house becomes available in the fantasy world where you must live. lol It was the early 90's - Will & Jada (catch her doing her round the way, flygirl thing on A Different World) both dressed and acted in the manner of young, Black celebrities during that time. But if your version makes you happy... Wink
quote:
Originally posted by thayfen:
So...Will smith wouldn't be where he is today...without Jada molding him into a successful man?


Thayfen,
I am with you on this one..the main reason why Will Smith is looking so-called sexy is a function of the times and the fact he has mad money...he can afford the services of high priced/classy stylists, manicurists and whatnot. It is largely the dough and the world he exists in....with some influence by Jada but definitely not the only reason. It is well known that the acquisition of money can make most frogs into princes in no time.
quote:
Originally posted by Blacksanction:
I continue to be happily married for over 13 years.

I have just a simple question why is it that since being married I have had all sorts of women of various ages and colours tell me how attractive (i don't see it) I am and when I was single it was like I had a hazardous material sign around my neck.


I've noticed this many times as well with growing confusion. Then I relised that it has less to do with what married men do than with what they don't do. Many single men give off a vibe of desparate neediness (I'm hungry, pleeeeeze feed me!) I know I've been there. However, everytime that I've been successful with women was when I had a completely different mindset, I just didn't care. In not caring, I became a challenge. Women can't resist a challenge. Think about the last time you were competely sprung over a girl, and everything you did made her want to run for the hills. But, with one you were only mildly interested in, you seemed to do everything right.

With married men, take everything I just said and multiply it by ten. When I was married it seemed like I was always having to pry some woman off with a crowbar! Cool
quote:
I do think married men and men in serious relationships dress and carry themselves better because of the influence of their partners


More then likely it's the oppsite. Most married people tend to NOT dress like they did when they were dating...they already "caught" someone...why continue to put out the "bait" if you already "landed the big one".

And not all men are "Ken dolls" to be dressed up by there wives like Will Smith.
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
However, everytime that I've been successful with women was when I had a completely different mindset, I just didn't care. In not caring, I became a challenge. Women can't resist a challenge. Think about the last time you were competely sprung over a girl, and everything you did made her want to run for the hills. But, with one you were only mildly interested in, you seemed to do everything right.


Things like this are what make it difficult for women to find a quality man (not to single you out specifically Black Viking, because I know others have also said the same thing). This game playing might work and be fun when you are a child, but you can't maintain a healthy, long-lasting relationship with this foolishness of pretending to be (or even worse, actually being) disinterested in someone. That's a waste of everyone's time and it breeds resentment.

quote:
More then likely it's the oppsite. Most married people tend to NOT dress like they did when they were dating...they already "caught" someone...why continue to put out the "bait" if you already "landed the big one".


Quite frankly, the "bait" clothing usually looks ridiculous/transparent. It is precisely because the woman has tossed all that crap why you now look presentable. Wink
I think that maybe the reason why married men are so attractive is because commitment is sexy. Seeing a person commit themselves to something and not cheat...um I have to say that is an extreme turn on for most women. I would like to say that most women have enough integrity not to try and get together with someone else's husband, but I'm afriad I 'd be wrong ohsnap.
Frenchy-Most likely, your wife, like any other wife, has spruced you up a bit: wiped the crust out of your eyes, thrown away that "throwback" clothing, warned you about doing that stupid walk, etc.

I have not worn my wedding ring since I broke my finger several years ago (so no ring tan line).

I dress myself, shop and select my own clothes. The day I let any woman dictate what I wear and when I wear is when she is deciding my funeral clothes.

My wife does not have the time or patience to spend on a man project.
All that bull-shit some of you women are talking about is...well, bull-shit.

If I placed a big box- with a big question mark on it- in the middle of a room filled with people, and told everybody NOT to touch it...what do you think'll happen when I leave the room? ...Exactly!!

So Ronin is right: the inaccessibility is what makes a married man attractive.
quote:
Originally posted by Max:
All that bull-shit some of you women are talking about is...well, bull-shit.

If I placed a big box- with a big question mark on it- in the middle of a room filled with people, and told everybody NOT to touch it...what do you think'll happen when I leave the room? ...Exactly!!

So Ronin is right: the inaccessibility is what makes a married man attractive.



If this is your theory, then the same rule must apply to women, right?

So married women are attractive???
quote:
Yep, it's applicable to women, too.


Maybe so. But I still lean towards the notion this applies more to women. With the belief that good men are rare, when a woman sees a married man, in her mind, she believes if another women married him then we know he is WILLING to marry and assume he is WORTHY of it since another women found him good enough to marry.

I don't really see men sizing a married woman up for marriage material.

Then the next reason is that women want no strings relationship and think they can have all the fun without the headache of a relationship.
I also want to mention that sometimes people feel more comfortable speaking with and hanging out with a married person because there is less pressure. If you know the person is married, the pressures of a possible dating relationship doesn't exist. Or, if it does, it is very small. So, it may not be that a married person appears more attractive, it could be that people can be themselves around a married person (man or woman).
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Max:
All that bull-shit some of you women are talking about is...well, bull-shit.

If I placed a big box- with a big question mark on it- in the middle of a room filled with people, and told everybody NOT to touch it...what do you think'll happen when I leave the room? ...Exactly!!

So Ronin is right: the inaccessibility is what makes a married man attractive.



If this is your theory, then the same rule must apply to women, right?

So married women are attractive???


Yes it does apply to women... it applies to both sexes. I don't think going after what is inaccessible is a conscious decision.
quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:
I also want to mention that sometimes people feel more comfortable speaking with and hanging out with a married person because there is less pressure. If you know the person is married, the pressures of a possible dating relationship doesn't exist. Or, if it does, it is very small. So, it may not be that a married person appears more attractive, it could be that people can be themselves around a married person (man or woman).




Ok, now this i can agree with.

Because truthfully speaking..........when i see a married man, i immediately think of

Wife
Children
Bills
Bills
Bills
Drama

I dont care.......this is not attractive to me. nono



"I don't think going after what is inaccessible is a conscious decision."
-Ronin

It should be.....maybe this is why a lot of people are in bad situations. Confused

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