Skip to main content

Last night I was enjoying some superb live jazz at a local spot with a couple of good male friends. I was surprised that these two nice-looking, strong, funny, hard-working guys were complaining that the women they would like to date "don't want anything to do" with men like them.

Why? I asked. "If you are not making in the high six figures, the average woman wants nothing to do with you," said one. My other friend believes "women want knuckleheads; guys who use and abuse them. A lot of women do not want nice guys," he lamented.

We spent much of the night, between the sweet sax rhythms, discussing why many women are attracted to emotionally abusive, unavailable guys. Maybe it's the challenge of trying to change a bad boy into a good man or perhaps it's a woman's tendency to forgive the bad and savor the good. How do I know?
Been there, done that, have t-shirts in all sizes.

I believe everybody wants to be loved and treated well. All that glitters is not gold. Sometimes it just takes kissing lots of dark and moody frogs to find a shining prince.

Do nice guys finish last?

www.robynwrites.com
Robyn McGee, author Hungry for More: A Keeping it Real Guide for Black Women on Weight and Body Image
Last edited {1}
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

quote:
Originally posted by hungry4more:
Last night I was enjoying some superb live jazz at a local spot with a couple of good male friends. I was surprised that these two nice-looking, strong, funny, hard-working guys were complaining that the women they would like to date "don't want anything to do" with men like them.

Why? I asked. "If you are not making in the high six figures, the average woman wants nothing to do with you," said one. My other friend believes "women want knuckleheads; guys who use and abuse them. A lot of women do not want nice guys," he lamented.

We spent much of the night, between the sweet sax rhythms, discussing why many women are attracted to emotionally abusive, unavailable guys. Maybe it's the challenge of trying to change a bad boy into a good man or perhaps it's a woman's tendency to forgive the bad and savor the good. How do I know?
Been there, done that, have t-shirts in all sizes.

I believe everybody wants to be loved and treated well. All that glitters is not gold. Sometimes it just takes kissing lots of dark and moody frogs to find a shining prince.

Do nice guys finish last?


hungry4more:
With all due respect, I think your boys have missed it. Have they asked themselves why they'd want to be burdened with a woman who makes a key (relationship)decision on how much money someone makes? do not character, personality, intellect matter?

Do they not consider themselves worthy of a woman whose criteria at least considers a man's capacity for commitment, sincerity, compassion? Yes, economic security is important, but if these particular sistas make their decisions/calls on a man's salary situation, then your boys should realize they got away clean and maybe should be grateful for that.

...and to answer your question? nah, we don't finish last. Smile
quote:
I believe everybody wants to be loved and treated well.

while I agree with this of course, I don't think it's enough to sustain a long-term relationship. A couple doesn't have to be 'joined at the hip', but I believe you must share enough common interests to do together to keep you both happy and involved. While the interests you don't share, allow each person to bring fresh ideas, and different input to the relationship to keep it interesting.

Money can come and go depending on circumstances. Money allows more options, and lack of money makes you creative and inventive by necessity. I guess my 'barometer' is if you can have a great time with someone without money, you always will. Money is the icing on the cake, not the egg that binds the ingredients. My 2 cents.
quote:
Originally posted by the quiet one:
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
To answer the thread question, the only viable answer I can come up with is...women are knuckleheads too.

Every other excuse, I refuse to believe based on the grounds of logic and rational reasoning. 14


Oh, cut it out!


Hey prove me wrong. I'll be happy to take the hit.
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
quote:
Originally posted by the quiet one:
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
To answer the thread question, the only viable answer I can come up with is...women are knuckleheads too.

Every other excuse, I refuse to believe based on the grounds of logic and rational reasoning. 14


Oh, cut it out!


Hey prove me wrong. I'll be happy to take the hit.



I think you and i, have had this conversation before.

Lets say this.....

Youre in a club, and there are 3 women standing together.........and you pick one of the 3 to either dance with, or talk to. Most men will end up picking the same woman (one of the 3) over and over again.

Now the strange part about this.....is that none of the other women are ugly or look bad.....they are "average".

Ok, she turns you down.........and pays attention to the "knucklehead" (whatever that means).

How could you possibly get upset, when you had your choice........and you chose her, and not one of the "average" sistas.

My point is this..........

A lot of "average" women are overlooked, and men complain after the fact.

These are excuses.....
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
quote:
Originally posted by the quiet one:
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
To answer the thread question, the only viable answer I can come up with is...women are knuckleheads too.

Every other excuse, I refuse to believe based on the grounds of logic and rational reasoning. 14


Oh, cut it out!


Hey prove me wrong. I'll be happy to take the hit.



I think you and i, have had this conversation before.

Lets say this.....

Youre in a club, and there are 3 women standing together.........and you pick one of the 3 to either dance with, or talk to. Most men will end up picking the same woman (one of the 3) over and over again.

Now the strange part about this.....is that none of the other women are ugly or look bad.....they are "average".

Ok, she turns you down.........and pays attention to the "knucklehead" (whatever that means).

How could you possibly get upset, when you had your choice........and you chose her, and not one of the "average" sistas.

My point is this..........

A lot of "average" women are overlooked, and men complain after the fact.

These are excuses.....


What is your definition of "average?" Is Kelly Rowland "average" compared to Beyonce?
Is Jessica Alba "average" to Eva Mendes?
Is Vida Guerra "average" to Jennifer Lopez?
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:

What is your definition of "average?" Is Kelly Rowland "average" compared to Beyonce?


Yes exactly.......

Most men will date Beyonce in a heart beat. Just look at the amount of pics that men put up on this board........and the comments.

Where are the pics of Kelly? Or Michelle?

The key is that a LOT of men pick the same woman.....in an enviroment, where there are many choices. But after Beyonce has turned them down, some men whine that they just cant find a physically attractive sista.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:

What is your definition of "average?" Is Kelly Rowland "average" compared to Beyonce?


Yes exactly.......

Most men will date Beyonce in a heart beat. Just look at the amount of pics that men put up on this board........and the comments.

Where are the pics of Kelly? Or Michelle?

The key is that a LOT of men pick the same woman.....in an enviroment, where there are many choices. But after Beyonce has turned them down, some men whine that they just cant find a physically attractive sista.




Does this mean I get to go out with Kelly? Big Grin
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:

What is your definition of "average?" Is Kelly Rowland "average" compared to Beyonce?


Yes exactly.......

Most men will date Beyonce in a heart beat. Just look at the amount of pics that men put up on this board........and the comments.

Where are the pics of Kelly? Or Michelle?

The key is that a LOT of men pick the same woman.....in an enviroment, where there are many choices. But after Beyonce has turned them down, some men whine that they just cant find a physically attractive sista.




Does this mean I get to go out with Kelly? Big Grin


Only if I get to go out with Michelle. Big Grin
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:

What is your definition of "average?" Is Kelly Rowland "average" compared to Beyonce?



Yes exactly.......

Most men will date Beyonce in a heart beat. Just look at the amount of pics that men put up on this board........and the comments.

Where are the pics of Kelly? Or Michelle?

The key is that a LOT of men pick the same woman.....in an enviroment, where there are many choices. But after Beyonce has turned them down, some men whine that they just cant find a physically attractive sista.




Does this mean I get to go out with Kelly? Big Grin


Only if I get to go out with Michelle. Big Grin




That would be a deal! Big Grin ... cabbage

yum ... yum ... yummy ...
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:

What is your definition of "average?" Is Kelly Rowland "average" compared to Beyonce?


Yes exactly.......

Most men will date Beyonce in a heart beat. Just look at the amount of pics that men put up on this board........and the comments.

Where are the pics of Kelly? Or Michelle?

The key is that a LOT of men pick the same woman.....in an enviroment, where there are many choices. But after Beyonce has turned them down, some men whine that they just cant find a physically attractive sista.


If this was Hollywood, yes I could see your point. But since this isn't Hollywood, let me just say that there is a lonnnnng line of brothers that would love to get with Kelly and/or Michelle, HB and myself included.

Beyonce' is a flashy hottie (i.e. in your face sexy), whereas Kelly is a "stealth" hottie, i.e. it's much more subtle sexy...if there is such a thing.
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:

If this was Hollywood, yes I could see your point. But since this isn't Hollywood, let me just say that there is a lonnnnng line of brothers that would love to get with Kelly and/or Michelle, HB and myself included.

Beyonce' is a flashy hottie (i.e. in your face sexy), whereas Kelly is a "stealth" hottie, i.e. it's much more subtle sexy...if there is such a thing.



Well i see women like Michelle/Kelly every day.......and they are childless, single, etc.

The reality is, most men will be attracted to that "flashy hottie", for the moment.........while allowing the "stealth" hottie to get away.

Frown
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:

If this was Hollywood, yes I could see your point. But since this isn't Hollywood, let me just say that there is a lonnnnng line of brothers that would love to get with Kelly and/or Michelle, HB and myself included.

Beyonce' is a flashy hottie (i.e. in your face sexy), whereas Kelly is a "stealth" hottie, i.e. it's much more subtle sexy...if there is such a thing.



Well i see women like Michelle/Kelly every day.......and they are childless, single, etc.

The reality is, most men will be attracted to that "flashy hottie", for the moment.........while allowing the "stealth" hottie to get away.

Frown




Qty, I can't speak for the countless butte-heads who have their eyes glued on Beyonce ... but you can absolutely rest assured that a stealth hottie never went unnoticed on my watch ... nono
Last edited {1}
KELLY AND BEYONCE ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN. MOST MEN TODAY ARE ATTRACTED TO THE BEAUTY ON THE OUTER LAYER, AND JUMP INTO RELATIONSHIPS WITHOUT GETTING TO KNOW THE INNER PERSON. NO ONE WANTS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN THAT HAS A TERRIBLE PERSONALITY, AND DOWNRIGHT UGLY PERSON, AND I THINK OUR SISTAS DOESNT WANT A FINE MAN THAT IS STUCK ON HIMSELF, AND UNINTELLIGENT.

GIVE ME THE BRAIN, ROMANTIC, AND THE MAN THAT WANTS TO KNOW ME ANY DAY.
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:

If this was Hollywood, yes I could see your point. But since this isn't Hollywood, let me just say that there is a lonnnnng line of brothers that would love to get with Kelly and/or Michelle, HB and myself included.

Beyonce' is a flashy hottie (i.e. in your face sexy), whereas Kelly is a "stealth" hottie, i.e. it's much more subtle sexy...if there is such a thing.



Well i see women like Michelle/Kelly every day.......and they are childless, single, etc.

The reality is, most men will be attracted to that "flashy hottie", for the moment.........while allowing the "stealth" hottie to get away.

Frown




Qty, I can't speak for the countless butte-heads who have their eyes glued on Beyonce ... but you can absolutely rest assured that a stealth hottie never went unnoticed on my watch ... nono
Second that.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:

If this was Hollywood, yes I could see your point. But since this isn't Hollywood, let me just say that there is a lonnnnng line of brothers that would love to get with Kelly and/or Michelle, HB and myself included.

Beyonce' is a flashy hottie (i.e. in your face sexy), whereas Kelly is a "stealth" hottie, i.e. it's much more subtle sexy...if there is such a thing.



Well i see women like Michelle/Kelly every day.......and they are childless, single, etc.


I need to visit wherever you live, if you see single childless woman like this everyday!

The reality is, most men will be attracted to that "flashy hottie", for the moment.........while allowing the "stealth" hottie to get away.

I some what agree with you but it goes both ways, I have a friend thats a "pretty boy" and Im and average looking guy. He generates alot more interest than I do with the ladies, and knowing him personally hes honestly a DOG. So females are just as shallow as guys.
Frown
quote:
Originally posted by The Vision:
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
To answer the thread question, the only viable answer I can come up with is...women are knuckleheads too. 14


Good answer, but no cigar.

Sometimes opposites attrack, but most of the time like attracks like.


Being attracted to an idiot is not a good quality to have. My answer stands as stated.
quote:
Originally posted by FireFly:
quote:
Huey: whereas Kelly is a "stealth" hottie...

lol appl


Firefly, you and the rest of the AA.org know I'm telling the truth. Kelly is a "stealth" hottie, whereas Beyonce is a "IN YOUR FACE" uber-hottie. She's hot. She knows she's hot, and if you forget she's hot, she will REMIND you how hot she is. When Beyonce is in the room, sometimes you forget that Kelly (or Michelle) is also in the room. Get it? It's like if Salma Hayek (OMG) is in the room, you kinda forget about Eva Mendes, Camille Guaty or Zoe Saldana in also in the room. If you get rid of the alpha hotties/uber-hotties, all the stealth hotties will have room to shine and guys will flock to them.

It's true. I just call it like I see it. It happened to me. For example, I remember this fly, hot, sexy ass desi (South Asian/East Indian) coed that lived across the hall from my female friend's room in her dorm. Her name was Gunjin. Yeah, her name was weird, but her looks made up for it. She was FINE AS HELLL!!! Beautiful face, full pouty lips, sexy body, long dark hair, smooth skin. I don't have to tell you how long the line was on campus for dudes (myself included) that wanted to explore Gunjin's "dungeon."

Anyway, my hometown friend came from out of town, to visit me and my female friend Sharon. Soon as Sharon leaves her door open, an hour later, guess who gets back to her room across the way?...Gunjin, with her fine ass. (pause to wipe off drool)

I introduce my hometown friend to Gunjin and her roommate...and needless to say, my friend and I totally forget about her roommate, b/c we were so mesmerized by her looks. 10 minutes after we had a great conversation with Miss G, We get back to Sharon, and she gets mad at us for drooling and pawning all over Gunjin and ignoring her roommate.

"I bet you don't even know her roommate's name," Sharon said. And she was right. We didn't even remember the name of Gunjin's roommate. I don't even remember to this day...whether it was Susie, Megan or Plain Jane McClane. All I know about her is that she was female, a mammal, and possibly had brunette or auburn hair.
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Firefly, you and the rest of the AA.org know I'm telling the truth. Kelly is a "stealth" hottie, whereas Beyonce is a "IN YOUR FACE" uber-hottie. She's hot. She knows she's hot, and if you forget she's hot, she will REMIND you how hot she is. When Beyonce is in the room, sometimes you forget that Kelly (or Michelle) is also in the room. Get it? It's like if Salma Hayek (OMG) is in the room, you kinda forget about Eva Mendes, Camille Guaty or Zoe Saldana in also in the room. If you get rid of the alpha hotties/uber-hotties, all the stealth hotties will have room to shine and guys will flock to them.

It's true. I just call it like I see it. It happened to me. For example, I remember this fly, hot, sexy ass desi (South Asian/East Indian) coed that lived across the hall from my female friend's room in her dorm. Her name was Gunjin. Yeah, her name was weird, but her looks made up for it. She was FINE AS HELLL!!! Beautiful face, full pouty lips, sexy body, long dark hair, smooth skin. I don't have to tell you how long the line was on campus for dudes (myself included) that wanted to explore Gunjin's "dungeon."

Anyway, my hometown friend came from out of town, to visit me and my female friend Sharon. Soon as Sharon leaves her door open, an hour later, guess who gets back to her room across the way?...Gunjin, with her fine ass. (pause to wipe off drool)

I introduce my hometown friend to Gunjin and her roommate...and needless to say, my friend and I totally forget about her roommate, b/c we were so mesmerized by her looks. 10 minutes after we had a great conversation with Miss G, We get back to Sharon, and she gets mad at us for drooling and pawning all over Gunjin and ignoring her roommate.

"I bet you don't even know her roommate's name," Sharon said. And she was right. We didn't even remember the name of Gunjin's roommate. I don't even remember to this day...whether it was Susie, Megan or Plain Jane McClane. All I know about her is that she was female, a mammal, and possibly had brunette or auburn hair.



Youre too funny lol

But you have just proven my point........

ALL of the guys chase the "IN YOUR FACE" hottie, while ignoring the "stealth" hottie.

There is nothing wrong with this, these men should continue to chase who they 'like'.

But.......dont complain or try to run after the "stealth" hottie, when the well runs dry. Big Grin
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:

Youre too funny lol

But you have just proven my point........

ALL of the guys chase the "IN YOUR FACE" hottie, while ignoring the "stealth" hottie.

There is nothing wrong with this, these men should continue to chase who they 'like'.

But.......dont complain or try to run after the "stealth" hottie, when the well runs dry. Big Grin


I agree, qty. I see men chasing the big bootie weave wearers or the asian/exotic type. What about the "regular" sista-who is really not so "regular" at all?! I know that was off but..........
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
ALL of the guys chase the "IN YOUR FACE" hottie, while ignoring the "stealth" hottie.


To me, it follows the standard of marketing. Some women stand out and grab a man's attention through advertising; anything that catches the eye: loud-hairstyles, make-up, cleavage, painted on pants, busy outfit, etc.

The mistake some men make is being manipulated visually. I think that there is prize and reward for making sure to notice the women that are not advertising themselves but just as fine.
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
I agree, qty. I see men chasing the big bootie weave wearers or the asian/exotic type. What about the "regular" sista-who is really not so "regular" at all?! I know that was off but..........


Youre not off topic......and youre absolutely right.

I see beautiful sistas all the time ("not so regular"), sitting alone in a club/bar, etc.......while the men are chasing the same damn woman.



I dont get it.
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Would Kenya Moore be considered an uber-hottie (IN YOUR FACE/Superhottie) since she was a former Miss USA, or a "regular" stealth hottie, because she's not in the public eye anymore?


Im not sure......shes a beautiful woman, but i would imagine if you put her and Beyonce in the same room.......very few men would notice her.
quote:
Originally posted by detroit1:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
ALL of the guys chase the "IN YOUR FACE" hottie, while ignoring the "stealth" hottie.


To me, it follows the standard of marketing. Some women stand out and grab a man's attention through advertising; anything that catches the eye: loud-hairstyles, make-up, cleavage, painted on pants, busy outfit, etc.

The mistake some men make is being manipulated visually. I think that there is prize and reward for making sure to notice the women that are not advertising themselves but just as fine.



I have to agree with this....
What happened to the sharp left turn that made this about MEN. Isn't the topic why women love knuckleheads? So perhaps in keeping with detroit1's thought, women should also take the time to go beyond the surface of tall, muscled, wealthy, nice house or car, or high social status and pay attention to the men who don't flaunt & flash these things (even though they may possess them) that may happen to be good people.
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Would Kenya Moore be considered an uber-hottie (IN YOUR FACE/Superhottie) since she was a former Miss USA, or a "regular" stealth hottie, because she's not in the public eye anymore?


I've been in love with Kenya since...FOREVER and a day...she's an uber hottie with a capital U!

I'm sorry but as attractive as Beyonce is..she ain't got SHIT on Kenya Moore! I'm speaking truth right thuurrrr....
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
What happened to the sharp left turn that made this about MEN. Isn't the topic why women love knuckleheads?

yeah

So perhaps in keeping with detroit1's thought, women should also take the time to go beyond the surface of tall, muscled, wealthy, nice house or car, or high social status and pay attention to the men who don't flaunt & flash these things (even though they may possess them) that may happen to be good people.and men NEED to do the same thing.
quote:
Originally posted by Tre:
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
What happened to the sharp left turn that made this about MEN. Isn't the topic why women love knuckleheads?

yeah

So perhaps in keeping with detroit1's thought, women should also take the time to go beyond the surface of tall, muscled, wealthy, nice house or car, or high social status and pay attention to the men who don't flaunt & flash these things (even though they may possess them) that may happen to be good people.and men NEED to do the same thing.


Perhaps, but WOMEN are the ones dating these knuckleheads, not men. Look at "Flavor of Love 2" on VH1. New York played herself twice by Flav dumping her 2 times. I hope she's trying to be seen on TV instead of really being "in love" with him, b/c she's punishing herself. I mean if a CRACKHEAD (like Flav) don't want you...that should be a hint and a half for you to move on.
Well you certainly don't see men in droves pursuing female knuckleheads, compared to the other way around, otherwise shows like "The Batchelor" and "Flavor of Love" wouldn't even exist. Don't be in denial.

And even if a guy does date a knucklehead, he won't stay with her long, because he definitely won't try to change her.
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
What happened to the sharp left turn that made this about MEN. Isn't the topic why women love knuckleheads? So perhaps in keeping with detroit1's thought, women should also take the time to go beyond the surface of tall, muscled, wealthy, nice house or car, or high social status and pay attention to the men who don't flaunt & flash these things (even though they may possess them) that may happen to be good people.


The article mentioned that "some men feel that the women they would like to date "don't want anything to do" with men like them.

My other friend believes "women want knuckleheads; guys who use and abuse them. A lot of women do not want nice guys," he lamented."


I mentioned that the there are a lot of women, from which to chose.........but it seems that a lot of men, pick the same woman, and gets upset, when she chooses a knucklehead.

Lets be real........most women do not like knuckleheads, now who are these women???
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Well you certainly don't see men in droves pursuing female knuckleheads, compared to the other way around, otherwise shows like "The Batchelor" and "Flavor of Love" wouldn't even exist. Don't be in denial.

And even if a guy does date a knucklehead, he won't stay with her long, because he definitely won't try to change her.


Define "female knucklehead". Smile

Ohhh also, i think that the reason why, shows like the "Flavor of Love", are hits.........is because the public loves it when women show their asses!!

Men just dont behave like that, not enough drama.

I could be wrong... Confused
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
What happened to the sharp left turn that made this about MEN. Isn't the topic why women love knuckleheads? So perhaps in keeping with detroit1's thought, women should also take the time to go beyond the surface of tall, muscled, wealthy, nice house or car, or high social status and pay attention to the men who don't flaunt & flash these things (even though they may possess them) that may happen to be good people.


The article mentioned that "some men feel that the women they would like to date "don't want anything to do" with men like them.

My other friend believes "women want knuckleheads; guys who use and abuse them. A lot of women do not want nice guys," he lamented."


I mentioned that the there are a lot of women, from which to chose.........but it seems that a lot of men, pick the same woman, and gets upset, when she chooses a knucklehead.

This is preposterous. Straight idiocy. How do you compare getting upset when a man dates an "uber hottie" over a "regular" hottie, and a man getting upset when she dates a knucklehead, ruffneck, etc.? It's not even debatable. Is it because there's so many of them in jail, that he has no other choice but to think about his girl? Nobody's ever gotten a life sentence for being too pretty. Any women that turns down a guy for someone that she already KNOWS is no good is deranged. Your male friend hit the nail on the head. Some women really don't want nice guys. That's not a myth, that's the naked truth.

Lets be real........most women do not like knuckleheads,now who are these women???



Come on, now. Don't get facetious, qty226. You don't have to know them. Whether you know these women are not, isn't the case. Don't act like these women don't exist. How do you think the saying "Nice guys finish last?" came into existence? You think a man made that phrase up in the top of his head?

There was a song in the 80s called "Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Boys?" MC Lyte had a rap called "Gotta Have a Ruffneck."

How much evidence do you need?
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Well you certainly don't see men in droves pursuing female knuckleheads, compared to the other way around, otherwise shows like "The Batchelor" and "Flavor of Love" wouldn't even exist. Don't be in denial.

And even if a guy does date a knucklehead, he won't stay with her long, because he definitely won't try to change her.


Define "female knucklehead". Smile
Tell Tre to define "female knucklehead" since she said to me that men date knuckleheads too. I've already proved my point.

Ohhh also, i think that the reason why, shows like the "Flavor of Love", are hits.........is because the public loves it when women show their asses!!

Men just dont behave like that, not enough drama.

I could be wrong... Confused


We don't have to show our asses when a woman disses us. We approach the next one, which is easy since women outnumber men anyway.

Do women just don't want good men, or are they allergic to them? From my POV, it's almost as if a woman gets too close to a guy, she might as well be allergic to him, like she's gonna catch a cold or break out into hives if she stays with him.
My 2 cents about women who love... and Tre's friend

I think 99% of the time it's sexual - from the woman's point of view not just the man's.

I think it's the same reason certain people get addicted to certain drugs... the 'high' (in this case the sex and supposedly intimacy) is so good that those women (try to) put up with all the rest, while dreaming, yearning for more. These men aren't necessarily better lovers or superstuds, it's about how it makes that particular woman feel. It's almsot an exponential curve... the lower a woman's self-worth, the higher the high she gets from the man.

Sure those women might want that sexual high to transform into something more loving and long term, but they're fooling themselves because it's unlikely that's gonna happen. It was a man who invented the phrase: if the cow gives milk for free whenever you want, why buy the cow?
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:

This is preposterous. Straight idiocy. How do you compare getting upset when a man dates an "uber hottie" over a "regular" hottie, and a man getting upset when she dates a knucklehead, ruffneck, etc.? It's not even debatable. Is it because there's so many of them in jail, that he has no other choice but to think about his girl? Nobody's ever gotten a life sentence for being too pretty. Any women that turns down a guy for someone that she already KNOWS is no good is deranged. Your male friend hit the nail on the head. Some women really don't want nice guys. That's not a myth, that's the naked truth.

Lets be real........most women do not like knuckleheads,now who are these women???


quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Come on, now. Don't get facetious, qty226. You don't have to know them. Whether you know these women are not, isn't the case. Don't act like these women don't exist. How do you think the saying "Nice guys finish last?" came into existence? You think a man made that phrase up in the top of his head?

There was a song in the 80s called "Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Boys?" MC Lyte had a rap called "Gotta Have a Ruffneck."

How much evidence do you need?




quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
We don't have to show our asses when a woman disses us. We approach the next one, which is easy since women outnumber men anyway.

Do women just don't want good men, or are they allergic to them? From my POV, it's almost as if a woman gets too close to a guy, she might as well be allergic to him, like she's gonna catch a cold or break out into hives if she stays with him.



I think out of everything that you mentioned.......this is what it boils down to...

"We approach the next one, which is easy since women outnumber men anyway."

Exactly!!

You have more choices, so there should be less complaints from men, right??

Now, although i do know that there are women that choses to be with knuckleheads (i hate that lame ass word)........the fact is, the 'majority' of women do not.

Start picking different women!!
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:

This is preposterous. Straight idiocy. How do you compare getting upset when a man dates an "uber hottie" over a "regular" hottie, and a man getting upset when she dates a knucklehead, ruffneck, etc.? It's not even debatable. Is it because there's so many of them in jail, that he has no other choice but to think about his girl? Nobody's ever gotten a life sentence for being too pretty. Any women that turns down a guy for someone that she already KNOWS is no good is deranged. Your male friend hit the nail on the head. Some women really don't want nice guys. That's not a myth, that's the naked truth.

Lets be real........most women do not like knuckleheads,now who are these women???


quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Come on, now. Don't get facetious, qty226. You don't have to know them. Whether you know these women are not, isn't the case. Don't act like these women don't exist. How do you think the saying "Nice guys finish last?" came into existence? You think a man made that phrase up in the top of his head?

There was a song in the 80s called "Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Boys?" MC Lyte had a rap called "Gotta Have a Ruffneck."

How much evidence do you need?




quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
We don't have to show our asses when a woman disses us. We approach the next one, which is easy since women outnumber men anyway.

Do women just don't want good men, or are they allergic to them? From my POV, it's almost as if a woman gets too close to a guy, she might as well be allergic to him, like she's gonna catch a cold or break out into hives if she stays with him.



I think out of everything that you mentioned.......this is what it boils down to...

"We approach the next one, which is easy since women outnumber men anyway."

Exactly!!

You have more choices, so there should be less complaints from men, right?? Statistically speaking, yes. Locally speaking, no.

Now, although i do know that there are women that choses to be with knuckleheads (i hate that lame ass word)........the fact is, the 'majority' of women do not.

Start picking different women!!

Where the hell are you located??? There's only 24 hours in a day. A guy can't tell the "majority" from the "minority." IMO, I think the majority is trying to blend in with the minority and vice versa, to the point that they're dating the knucklehead minority of us men. Didn't you read my quotes? "Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Boys?" How much more of a hint do you need that a good number of the female majority like bad boys, along with the minority? Sadly, many of those men pretend to be those knuckleheads because some of the "majority" of women have been sold a bag of goods that these bad boys are the pick of the litter, and that anyone without any knucklehead criteria doesn't even get the time of day.

You need to take heed of your male friend's words. If the majority actually chose to be with decent guys instead of knuckleheads, every single decent dude on the planet would have somebody right now, and every single ruffneck would be crying his eyes out, sitting next to a radio and singing along to some lame-ass JaFool, er JaRule & Ashante "thug love" ballad.
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Where the hell are you located??? There's only 24 hours in a day. A guy can't tell the "majority" from the "minority." IMO, I think the majority is trying to blend in with the minority and vice versa, to the point that they're dating the knucklehead minority of us men. Didn't you read my quotes? "Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Boys?" How much more of a hint do you need that a good number of the female majority like bad boys, along with the minority? Sadly, many of those men pretend to be those knuckleheads because some of the "majority" of women have been sold a bag of goods that these bad boys are the pick of the litter, and that anyone without any knucklehead criteria doesn't even get the time of day.

You need to take heed of your male friend's words. If the majority actually chose to be with decent guys instead of knuckleheads, every single decent dude on the planet would have somebody right now, and every single ruffneck would be crying his eyes out, sitting next to a radio and singing along to some lame-ass JaFool, er JaRule & Ashante "thug love" ballad.



Huey, youre all over the place with this.

You said this.... "We approach the next one, which is easy since women outnumber men anyway." and now you are trying to slither around this.

It is, what it is.....

If you can say, that the "majority" of black woman love thugs.........then it'll be fair for me to say that, the 'majority' of black men ARE thugs.

This just doesnt make any sense.....

The key is this.......there are a ton of black women, working hard in their careers, everyday........ and will NOT allow themselves to be caught dead with a thug!

This is an excuse........
Man, this topic is getting good!

The way I see it, there are a couple of issues, centering around changes in the cultural norms.

1) The perception of a "good" man/woman is has changed. Integrity & character have taken a back seat to bravado & income. Men & women dress in flashy manners to attract attention to their bodies and to show they have money. Dating conversations have become about cash and sex instead of personality and values.

2) Women & men are waiting later in life to establish serious relationships. In an effort to "establish" themselves (school, degrees, career), people put off the serious effort required to nurture healthy relationships. IMO, many of us pick up "fast food" relationships because they don't require as much work and when they go bad, we can walk away with little guilt and an easy scapegoat (the other person). Additionally, because younger folk tend to want the flashy date, many of the stable, non-flashy people become jaded. By the time the folk attracted to flash realize they NEED substance in a relationship (there are more people like this than we are willing to admit), the people that would fit their needs are now turned off & discouraged.
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Well you certainly don't see men in droves pursuing female knuckleheads, compared to the other way around,

In what world does this take place--where the men don't date female knuckleheads?

otherwise shows like "The Batchelor" and "Flavor of Love" wouldn't even exist. Don't be in denial.

No denial here--that's tv--and I personally believe, that it's all about the ratings.

And even if a guy does date a knucklehead, he won't stay with her long, because he definitely won't try to change her.

Are you living in this stratosphere?
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Well you certainly don't see men in droves pursuing female knuckleheads, compared to the other way around, otherwise shows like "The Batchelor" and "Flavor of Love" wouldn't even exist. Don't be in denial.

And even if a guy does date a knucklehead, he won't stay with her long, because he definitely won't try to change her.


because those men are a challenge, not a pushover like the nice guy. Some women also are drama addicts, so fist-fighting over 'two tooth' tyrone with his first two babymommas seems to make them happy.
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
Man, this topic is getting good!

The way I see it, there are a couple of issues, centering around changes in the cultural norms.

1) The perception of a "good" man/woman is has changed. Integrity & character have taken a back seat to bravado & income. Men & women dress in flashy manners to attract attention to their bodies and to show they have money. Dating conversations have become about cash and sex instead of personality and values.

2) Women & men are waiting later in life to establish serious relationships. In an effort to "establish" themselves (school, degrees, career), people put off the serious effort required to nurture healthy relationships. IMO, many of us pick up "fast food" relationships because they don't require as much work and when they go bad, we can walk away with little guilt and an easy scapegoat (the other person). Additionally, because younger folk tend to want the flashy date, many of the stable, non-flashy people become jaded. By the time the folk attracted to flash realize they NEED substance in a relationship (there are more people like this than we are willing to admit), the people that would fit their needs are now turned off & discouraged.


appl exceptionally well said and so true. rock
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Where the hell are you located??? There's only 24 hours in a day. A guy can't tell the "majority" from the "minority." IMO, I think the majority is trying to blend in with the minority and vice versa, to the point that they're dating the knucklehead minority of us men. Didn't you read my quotes? "Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Boys?" How much more of a hint do you need that a good number of the female majority like bad boys, along with the minority? Sadly, many of those men pretend to be those knuckleheads because some of the "majority" of women have been sold a bag of goods that these bad boys are the pick of the litter, and that anyone without any knucklehead criteria doesn't even get the time of day.

You need to take heed of your male friend's words. If the majority actually chose to be with decent guys instead of knuckleheads, every single decent dude on the planet would have somebody right now, and every single ruffneck would be crying his eyes out, sitting next to a radio and singing along to some lame-ass JaFool, er JaRule & Ashante "thug love" ballad.



Huey, youre all over the place with this.

You said this.... "We approach the next one, which is easy since women outnumber men anyway." and now you are trying to slither around this.
and YOU'RE not slithering around my quotes?
It is, what it is.....
Bingo! The defense rests.
If you can say, that the "majority" of black woman love thugs.........then it'll be fair for me to say that, the 'majority' of black men ARE thugs.
I said a good number of the so-called majority have been sold a bag of goods (i.e. have been pounded daily by advertisement, videos, tv programs, etc. that those "thugs" are the pick of the litter). If the majority aren't dating these thugs (and MOST BLACK MEN AREN'T), then somebody in the media are trying their best to get the majority to be attracted to them!
This just doesnt make any sense.....

The key is this.......there are a ton of black women, working hard in their careers, everyday........ and will NOT allow themselves to be caught dead with a thug!

And there are a ton of hard-working, intelligent black men who aren't trying to pretend to be thugs, in order to get a date, despite the pressure from society who are drilling into both sexes that a man has to be thuggish in order to get the time of day for women, period. Otherwise, there wouldn't be any reason why songs like "Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Boys," "Gotta Have a Ruffneck," or Destiny Child's "Soldier" would even exist, let alone playing or have played on the airwaves.

This is an excuse........


An excuse for the women who date those knuckleheads (or at least being in denial of dating them or being attracted to them), or the men who actually date those women?
quote:
Originally posted by Tre:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Well you certainly don't see men in droves pursuing female knuckleheads, compared to the other way around,

In what world does this take place--where the men don't date female knuckleheads?
Could you please explain, once and for all, what is a "female" knucklehead? Qty asked me and I'm asking you, since you brought up the term in the first place.
otherwise shows like "The Batchelor" and "Flavor of Love" wouldn't even exist. Don't be in denial.

No denial here--that's tv--and I personally believe, that it's all about the ratings.

And even if a guy does date a knucklehead, he won't stay with her long, because he definitely won't try to change her.

Are you living in this stratosphere?


Are you drunk?
Just in case for those who forgotten:

quote:
Originally posted by Tre:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Perhaps, but WOMEN are the ones dating these knuckleheads, not men.

I know you're not saying that men don't date knuckleheads. Tell me you're not telling me this. td6


I repeat Tre, "What is a 'female' knucklehead?"
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
Man, this topic is getting good!

The way I see it, there are a couple of issues, centering around changes in the cultural norms.

1) The perception of a "good" man/woman is has changed. Integrity & character have taken a back seat to bravado & income. Men & women dress in flashy manners to attract attention to their bodies and to show they have money. Dating conversations have become about cash and sex instead of personality and values.

2) Women & men are waiting later in life to establish serious relationships. In an effort to "establish" themselves (school, degrees, career), people put off the serious effort required to nurture healthy relationships. IMO, many of us pick up "fast food" relationships because they don't require as much work and when they go bad, we can walk away with little guilt and an easy scapegoat (the other person). Additionally, because younger folk tend to want the flashy date, many of the stable, non-flashy people become jaded. By the time the folk attracted to flash realize they NEED substance in a relationship (there are more people like this than we are willing to admit), the people that would fit their needs are now turned off & discouraged.



So youre saying in essence, that money/sex is the root? True......its the way of the world. But at some point, we all cant think this way.....and then complain about our choices later.

Also another problem, non flashy....... looks, for flashy and when it doesnt work out, that person becomes annoyed.

Those that get upset, often label men as thugs.......and women as thug lovers. These are excuses, that we stick to.....because we dont want to take responsibility for the choices that we made.


Why is it that, stable people are not pursuing each other??
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:

An excuse for the women who date those knuckleheads (or at least being in denial of dating them or being attracted to them), or the men who actually date those women?


If you feel that all women date thugs, then this is one of the reasons why you cant seem to move on from this statement.

Its ridulous to even think this.

Now question.....

I want you to explain.......

What do you think, the definition is of a thug???
Real Talk
*WARNING TO THE SENSITIVE*

Although humans like to consider themselves 100% rational beings, we are also hard-wired with some innate mechanisms. Many male animals attract mates through raw aggression (alpha male dominance) or elaborate displays that could be consider flashy. Many female animals present themselves when they are in heat. How many men here will admit they know the smell of their woman? How many women here will admit they know the scent of their man? Women also tend to choose the alpha male or the male with the best presentation. Men & women fight their base instincts when it comes to mate selection. We assign all these lofty, rational, romantic notions to mate selection because we consider ourselves evolved. Because we are rational (sometimes), we can fake the signs of dominance to attract a mate (i.e. knuckleheads). Most of us eventually settle, because our rational minds overrule our basic biological instincts.

Can anyone here point me to proof that humans have always paired off in the one man, one woman monogamous paradigm that is status quo?
*REAL TALK COMPLETED*
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:

An excuse for the women who date those knuckleheads (or at least being in denial of dating them or being attracted to them), or the men who actually date those women?


If you feel that all women date thugs, then this is one of the reasons why you cant seem to move on from this statement.


Get it right. I didn't say all women.
Its ridulous to even think this.

Now question.....

I want you to explain.......

What do you think, the definition is of a thug???

17 We've been talking on this thread for months and you still don't know what a thug is? Don't even act clueless, after all those examples that I gave. No more acting naive on this subject.

I'm putting the definitions now. After this, I'm done.
Hmm, the definition of a thug, roughneck, and/or knucklehead...Once and for all.

Websters II New College Dictionary (Source)
thug (n.) 1. One of a band of professional assassins once active in northern India. 2. A brutal ruffian or gangster.

Synonyms: goon, hood, hoodlum, ruffian
n. Core meaning: a person who treats others violently and roughly, esp. for hire <thugs who intimidated the witness>

here's another definition...
roughneck--n. An uncouth person. A rowdy.

knucklehead--n. A dumb person.*

*Here's a hint: Whitney and Britney both divorced their knucklehead husbands.

hat You can't get a more simpler example than that.


I know some will have disagreement, considering that some of the definition(s) may be either more different, extreme or more specific than the connotative versions of what the topic has been discussed, but this was the only dictionary/reference source that I could immediately find. So it will have to do. Anyone else who have problems with the definitions, you're on your own.
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
Real Talk
*WARNING TO THE SENSITIVE*

Although humans like to consider themselves 100% rational beings, we are also hard-wired with some innate mechanisms. Many male animals attract mates through raw aggression (alpha male dominance) or elaborate displays that could be consider flashy. Many female animals present themselves when they are in heat. How many men here will admit they know the smell of their woman? How many women here will admit they know the scent of their man? Women also tend to choose the alpha male or the male with the best presentation. Men & women fight their base instincts when it comes to mate selection. We assign all these lofty, rational, romantic notions to mate selection because we consider ourselves evolved. Because we are rational (sometimes), we can fake the signs of dominance to attract a mate (i.e. knuckleheads). Most of us eventually settle, because our rational minds overrule our basic biological instincts.

Can anyone here point me to proof that humans have always paired off in the one man, one woman monogamous paradigm that is status quo?
*REAL TALK COMPLETED*

yeah
Firefly, if qty wants to give me a PM so we don't flame the topic thread, then that's fine with me.

I just don't want to hear about the "majority of the girlfriends that you know" don't date thugs, when the circle of friends that you know and the women outside your circle of friends are totally different, which many do date thugs. Neither one of us knows every single woman outside our own circle of friends, and you can't be in denial that there are women (not saying all or most) who are attracted to knuckleheads and date/marry/have children with them.

Forget about who is or isn't a hottie or "plain Jane." The topic is "Why do women love knuckleheads?"
The knuckleheads are getting dates, so there's no need for anybody to be in denial that they don't exist. Ask Whitney and Britney. These guys aren't crawling into bed with yield signs.
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
Real Talk
*WARNING TO THE SENSITIVE*

Although humans like to consider themselves 100% rational beings, we are also hard-wired with some innate mechanisms. Many male animals attract mates through raw aggression (alpha male dominance) or elaborate displays that could be consider flashy. Women also tend to choose the alpha male or the male with the best presentation.


This explains my suppressed but long standing attraction to flashy(borderline tacky) and loud agressive(borderline arrogant) brothers from Africa and the Caribbean.

If you catch me on the street I will deny I said this.
karate
"Awwww, come on, girl. Yeah, he's kinda thuggish; but he's soooo buff and manly."

Two years and two babies later ...

"Yeah, girl. He's just a dawg. I don't know why he just won't go out and get a job ... McDonald's is hiring ... Oh, I gotta go. I gotta get dinner on. He said he might come over tonight. I hope he doesn't do like last time and gets there before the kids go off to bed. Or, maybe he'll stay til I get 'em up for school in the morning."
Based on my own personal experience I felt the need to respond; I have only browsed over some of the responses here so please forgive if I repeat anything that has already been said. Also let me say that I am only speaking for myself. So why all through high school and up until my junior year in college did I date "knuckleheads"?
#1 reason I attracted, dated, and tried to make my relationships work with "knuckleheads" is because I honestly thought I could change him into the man I wanted him to be.
Of course there were some other underlying issues that I will not go into right now; but I just needed to put that ou there. I have grown over the years and realized that self love trumps the love of a man any day. I no longer find myself attracted to certain type of men and they don't even bother approaching me.

On another note I will have to say that I agree with some of the comments made by other ladies on this site that a lot of men will go after the pretty flashy woman before talking to the subtle beautiful one. At the moment I am happily single by choice but I find even when my friends and I go out for a girls night out that most guys flock to the same woman; now I am not the prettiest girl on the block; but I am a beautiful woman and I do wonder when I do decide to date again how will I get the attention of the nice guy and not the "knuckleheads"
quote:
but I am a beautiful woman and I do wonder when I do decide to date again how will I get the attention of the nice guy and not the "knuckleheads"


By continuing to be a beautiful woman. By accepting the advances of the "nice guy" and rejecting the advances of the "knucklehead."

Go to "The Den" for more insight.
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by Aspiring:
Based on my own personal experience I felt the need to respond; I have only browsed over some of the responses here so please forgive if I repeat anything that has already been said. Also let me say that I am only speaking for myself. So why all through high school and up until my junior year in college did I date "knuckleheads"?
#1 reason I attracted, dated, and tried to make my relationships work with "knuckleheads" is because I honestly thought I could change him into the man I wanted him to be.
Of course there were some other underlying issues that I will not go into right now; but I just needed to put that ou there. I have grown over the years and realized that self love trumps the love of a man any day. I no longer find myself attracted to certain type of men and they don't even bother approaching me.

On another note I will have to say that I agree with some of the comments made by other ladies on this site that a lot of men will go after the pretty flashy woman before talking to the subtle beautiful one. At the moment I am happily single by choice but I find even when my friends and I go out for a girls night out that most guys flock to the same woman; now I am not the prettiest girl on the block; but I am a beautiful woman and I do wonder when I do decide to date again how will I get the attention of the nice guy and not the "knuckleheads"


do you think your choices then (in your younger days) are related to you not current status of not being married?? Would you consider yourself 'marriage minded' now??
WOW. I've been gone for a while...and you guys still haven't figured this out. I'll give you a clue:

Years ago, when I was single in Detroit; whenever a Sista' I was interested in wanted to put me down nicely. (And, they ALL put me down. Many, not so nicely.) There was one sentence they used. It was this:

"You'd make a great husband and father, but NOT a good boyfriend. I don't want that now, but later I will."

When you fully comprehend what the sentence means and implies, then you may understand the true nature of the conflict within modern-day male/female relations.
quote:
Originally posted by thayfen:
WOW. I've been gone for a while...and you guys still haven't figured this out. I'll give you a clue:

Years ago, when I was single in Detroit; whenever a Sista' I was interested in wanted to put me down nicely. (And, they ALL put me down. Many, not so nicely.) There was one sentence they used. It was this:

"You'd make a great husband and father, but NOT a good boyfriend. I don't want that now, but later I will."

When you fully comprehend what the sentence means and implies, then you may understand the true nature of the conflict within modern-day male/female relations.


Wow
quote:
Originally posted by thayfen:
WOW. I've been gone for a while...and you guys still haven't figured this out. I'll give you a clue:

Years ago, when I was single in Detroit; whenever a Sista' I was interested in wanted to put me down nicely. (And, they ALL put me down. Many, not so nicely.) There was one sentence they used. It was this:

"You'd make a great husband and father, but NOT a good boyfriend. I don't want that now, but later I will."

When you fully comprehend what the sentence means and implies, then you may understand the true nature of the conflict within modern-day male/female relations.


The levels of fear displayed by todays so called thug is is overwhelming and somewhat painful to watch. You don't have to be exceedingly bright to see whats going on here. These men are hidden behind dark clothing and baggy garments that illustrate the darkness they live in and the insecurities that torments them. They won't comb thier hair, put appliances in thier mouth that only make them less attractive, refuse to wear clothe that fit,don't have the respect of society as a whole and often not even thier families.

I see grown men unable to make the transition from being little boys into responsible adults. Still walking around with their hats on backwards. These are men that can't fight, (can't deal with confrontation so they shoot to kill) I mean just a regular boxing match to settle difference. Unable to communicate intellegently, so violence , grunts and groans and the nodding of the head are used as intimidation , only to throw those unaware of the truth off track. All this smoke and no fire. To scared to address a women intelligently and because of his own insecurity and fear of rejection, he chooses to put her down first, to reject her first, call her inappropriate names and try on every level to degrade her. All because of his fear of rejection. So he hides , and she is drawn in trying to fiquire out what she can do to help this poor soul. The best think she can do is raise the bar so high, till he get the message. The message is it won't work. Women who have bought into this,have also bought into being called bitches and every other foul degrading thing that a man can say concerning the female gender. Unfortunately women have bought into this foolishness so much till men think that it is what women want. I quess women have forgotten that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

Women have they ability to turn thing around if they would only raise the bar. Take a stand, and lets face it, stop sleeping around. They say they want a man to truly love and respect them, but can't stop sleeping around. Now women do think that having the liberty to have as many sexual partners as they want is their perogative, but choosing a thugs is too. I think when todays young women decided that she doesn't want to be like men, and that it's OK to be feminine and not a HO,... things might begin to turn around. It's a hard line and not as easy as it use to be. But women can't have it both ways. It's either a man that loves you or the thug life. A thug, someone that cannot deal with life as it really is. Someone paralyzed by fear. Men who do not have enough courage to be yourself. To choose a thug is to choose despair, loneliness, and hopelessness. To be a thug is to live in fear and lack courage to step out of the dark.
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by Aspiring:
Based on my own personal experience I felt the need to respond; I have only browsed over some of the responses here so please forgive if I repeat anything that has already been said. Also let me say that I am only speaking for myself. So why all through high school and up until my junior year in college did I date "knuckleheads"?
#1 reason I attracted, dated, and tried to make my relationships work with "knuckleheads" is because I honestly thought I could change him into the man I wanted him to be.
Of course there were some other underlying issues that I will not go into right now; but I just needed to put that ou there. I have grown over the years and realized that self love trumps the love of a man any day. I no longer find myself attracted to certain type of men and they don't even bother approaching me.

On another note I will have to say that I agree with some of the comments made by other ladies on this site that a lot of men will go after the pretty flashy woman before talking to the subtle beautiful one. At the moment I am happily single by choice but I find even when my friends and I go out for a girls night out that most guys flock to the same woman; now I am not the prettiest girl on the block; but I am a beautiful woman and I do wonder when I do decide to date again how will I get the attention of the nice guy and not the "knuckleheads"


do you think your choices then (in your younger days) are related to you not current status of not being married?? Would you consider yourself 'marriage minded' now??

I would say yes. As I noted I am single now by choice. I choose to be single because it has taken me a little while to truly understand what it means to love myself and now that I do love myself; I enjoy spending time with me and learning the things that I like to do so to answer the other question no I am not "marriage minded" right now...but when I finish this self exploration then I'm sure my mind will go in the right direction.
quote:
Originally posted by Aspiring:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by Aspiring:
Based on my own personal experience I felt the need to respond; I have only browsed over some of the responses here so please forgive if I repeat anything that has already been said. Also let me say that I am only speaking for myself. So why all through high school and up until my junior year in college did I date "knuckleheads"?
#1 reason I attracted, dated, and tried to make my relationships work with "knuckleheads" is because I honestly thought I could change him into the man I wanted him to be.
Of course there were some other underlying issues that I will not go into right now; but I just needed to put that ou there. I have grown over the years and realized that self love trumps the love of a man any day. I no longer find myself attracted to certain type of men and they don't even bother approaching me.

On another note I will have to say that I agree with some of the comments made by other ladies on this site that a lot of men will go after the pretty flashy woman before talking to the subtle beautiful one. At the moment I am happily single by choice but I find even when my friends and I go out for a girls night out that most guys flock to the same woman; now I am not the prettiest girl on the block; but I am a beautiful woman and I do wonder when I do decide to date again how will I get the attention of the nice guy and not the "knuckleheads"


do you think your choices then (in your younger days) are related to you not current status of not being married?? Would you consider yourself 'marriage minded' now??

I would say yes. As I noted I am single now by choice. I choose to be single because it has taken me a little while to truly understand what it means to love myself and now that I do love myself; I enjoy spending time with me and learning the things that I like to do so to answer the other question no I am not "marriage minded" right now...but when I finish this self exploration then I'm sure my mind will go in the right direction.

Thanks for your insight

a few more questions:

how old are you?

what does single by choice mean?

Are you saying that if you found someone [today] with strong potential [good, desireable, longterm qualities] you would still be single [or holdout] until you are ready for a relationship??

thanks again
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by Aspiring:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by Aspiring:
Based on my own personal experience I felt the need to respond; I have only browsed over some of the responses here so please forgive if I repeat anything that has already been said. Also let me say that I am only speaking for myself. So why all through high school and up until my junior year in college did I date "knuckleheads"?
#1 reason I attracted, dated, and tried to make my relationships work with "knuckleheads" is because I honestly thought I could change him into the man I wanted him to be.
Of course there were some other underlying issues that I will not go into right now; but I just needed to put that ou there. I have grown over the years and realized that self love trumps the love of a man any day. I no longer find myself attracted to certain type of men and they don't even bother approaching me.

On another note I will have to say that I agree with some of the comments made by other ladies on this site that a lot of men will go after the pretty flashy woman before talking to the subtle beautiful one. At the moment I am happily single by choice but I find even when my friends and I go out for a girls night out that most guys flock to the same woman; now I am not the prettiest girl on the block; but I am a beautiful woman and I do wonder when I do decide to date again how will I get the attention of the nice guy and not the "knuckleheads"


do you think your choices then (in your younger days) are related to you not current status of not being married?? Would you consider yourself 'marriage minded' now??

I would say yes. As I noted I am single now by choice. I choose to be single because it has taken me a little while to truly understand what it means to love myself and now that I do love myself; I enjoy spending time with me and learning the things that I like to do so to answer the other question no I am not "marriage minded" right now...but when I finish this self exploration then I'm sure my mind will go in the right direction.

Thanks for your insight

a few more questions:

how old are you?

what does single by choice mean?

Are you saying that if you found someone [today] with strong potential [good, desireable, longterm qualities] you would still be single [or holdout] until you are ready for a relationship??

thanks again


I am 27 and yes that is exactly what I am saying. I choose not to be in a relationship regardless of who I meet right now; until I can honestly say that the Yolonda going into the relationship is Yolonda without excess baggage, and hurt and resentment from past relationships then I choose to only be in a relationship with myself. I honestly believe that if I went into a relationship right now I would only be setting myself up for failure and I don't see the point of doing that.
quote:
Originally posted by Aspiring:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by Aspiring:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by Aspiring:
Based on my own personal experience I felt the need to respond; I have only browsed over some of the responses here so please forgive if I repeat anything that has already been said. Also let me say that I am only speaking for myself. So why all through high school and up until my junior year in college did I date "knuckleheads"?
#1 reason I attracted, dated, and tried to make my relationships work with "knuckleheads" is because I honestly thought I could change him into the man I wanted him to be.
Of course there were some other underlying issues that I will not go into right now; but I just needed to put that ou there. I have grown over the years and realized that self love trumps the love of a man any day. I no longer find myself attracted to certain type of men and they don't even bother approaching me.

On another note I will have to say that I agree with some of the comments made by other ladies on this site that a lot of men will go after the pretty flashy woman before talking to the subtle beautiful one. At the moment I am happily single by choice but I find even when my friends and I go out for a girls night out that most guys flock to the same woman; now I am not the prettiest girl on the block; but I am a beautiful woman and I do wonder when I do decide to date again how will I get the attention of the nice guy and not the "knuckleheads"


do you think your choices then (in your younger days) are related to you not current status of not being married?? Would you consider yourself 'marriage minded' now??

I would say yes. As I noted I am single now by choice. I choose to be single because it has taken me a little while to truly understand what it means to love myself and now that I do love myself; I enjoy spending time with me and learning the things that I like to do so to answer the other question no I am not "marriage minded" right now...but when I finish this self exploration then I'm sure my mind will go in the right direction.

Thanks for your insight

a few more questions:

how old are you?

what does single by choice mean?

Are you saying that if you found someone [today] with strong potential [good, desireable, longterm qualities] you would still be single [or holdout] until you are ready for a relationship??

thanks again


I am 27 and yes that is exactly what I am saying. I choose not to be in a relationship regardless of who I meet right now; until I can honestly say that the Yolonda going into the relationship is Yolonda without excess baggage, and hurt and resentment from past relationships then I choose to only be in a relationship with myself. I honestly believe that if I went into a relationship right now I would only be setting myself up for failure and I don't see the point of doing that.


sounds like a good plan. Thanks for the answers appl

Add Reply

Post
×
×
×
×
Link copied to your clipboard.
×