What The 'Father Of 34' Story Is Really About

Posted: 10/03/2014 10:13 pm EDT Updated: 10/03/2014 10:59 pm EDT
 
 
 

iyanla dad of 34

It is no secret that there is an epidemic of children growing up without fathers. Although we have been more than willing to blame men for their role, we are not as vocal about the role women have played in the experience unless we are judging them. The Jay Williams story about one man, 34 children, 17 women and an opportunity for self-reflective healing is taking that conversation to another level.

 

We have been frustrated, almost frantic, about young people killing themselves and each other, about young men failing out of what appears to me as an inadequate educational system, and about young women taking their clothes off to make money to feed the children they have with young men who fail to step up to the plate. We have been pointing our fingers at this reason or that cause while making little progress toward a real understanding of the issues or a lasting solution. On the surface, the Jay Williams story has brought to light all the sordid details about one person's seeming irresponsibility, lack of discipline and wanton disregard for other people. At a deeper level, I recognize this as what happens when we are not taught that we are valuable, worthy, powerful and important. I now understand that the Jay Williams story is all about self-value, self-respect and self-worth gone awry because of the lack of effective and meaningful conversations and much-needed instruction at every level of society.

 

There are moments in time when we find ourselves in the midst of a sacred experience, a time of change, an opportunity for healing that can leave us breathless or totally confused. We have all found ourselves in a moment of time that started out pointing us in one direction and ended up with us either scratching our heads asking how we got here, or weeping with joy that we have arrived in the place in which we find ourselves. Life has a way of opening our hearts and minds to greater possibilities and at the same time pushing us into some pretty scary places that we would rather not visit or even acknowledge. All students of spiritual law know that we are always exactly where we need to be. This has been my experience with the Jay Williams story.

 

As this story has unfolded, I have sat in the midst of what happens when peoplecannot hear each other, when they do not know each other and when they allow the pain of their unhealed hearts to govern their choices. I have seen firsthand how we use each other as a balm to heal the places we don't know how to talk about. It is much clearer to me why it is never a good thing to reach out for something to make you feel better when the core and roots of the issues are within you. I am also convinced that with all the advantages of the technological world in which we live, we have all but abandoned the need to teach people how to connect with one another in an authentic, meaningful and healthy way. We can build spaceships, yet many of us still don't know how to create meaningful relationships that honor and respect everyone involved. We can earn college degrees online, but few of us will admit that we are inadequately equipped when it comes to telling others the truth about how we feel and what we really want from them. We can enlist and pay people to risk their lives on foreign soil to promote what we know as democracy, yet we will crawl into bed with people, lie to them in order to feel good and walk away with no recognition that we may be leaving behind the seeds of life that will explode into a generation of pain and dysfunction. The Jay Williams story has challenged me in new and exciting ways to listen more deeply and feel more compassionately. At the same time, it has taken me into the depths of human pain, despair and brokenness that has often been easily dismissed and judged as just another story of someone else's issues and dirty laundry.

 

We are aware that there is something going on in the African-American community and beyond that is producing a generation of people who do not fit into the mold of the traditional American lifestyle. We don't always know what to call it, but we will continue to mislabel it until we become willing to see it and talk about it as something more than a television program. We may not all agree about the causes of or the solutions for family dysfunction and the breakdown of cohesive communities, but we must become willing to discuss and address it without judgment. We have embraced a culture of diminishing responsibility by giving new names to traditional roles. Do the baby daddies and mamas not have the same responsibilities as fathers and mothers? Or, are they simply obligated to send checks, buy diapers and not attack the new boyfriends or girlfriends? How does it feel, and what is the impact on self-value, -worth and -esteem to be a child whose father is absent and whose mother wants to test his or her saliva to determine which of the several men she slept with must send her a check? How do we ignite and engage in a social conversation about the things that are destroying the very fibers of our ability to be healthy, productive individuals if we cannot look at the people who demonstrate the problems without calling them names (and attacking those who bring these stories to public awareness)? How do we make the distinction between exploitive entertainment and the possibilities of inner-tainment, programming that provides us with an opportunity to see ourselves publicly within the sacred confines of our own homes?

 

This story and all the people involved have touched my soul in a way that has no words. It has forced me to revisit places in my own life where I still have incomplete conversations and judgments of others and myself that need to be forgiven. Jay's story was an extreme case of family dysfunction and broken relationships; however, the issues it has brought to light are familiar and common to many. My prayer is that the fifth and sixth installments of this story will take us beyond social media into our hearts and souls, where we can begin to face a deeper level of truth about what Jay Williams represents in all of us. My hope is that the children who sit in the same place that Jay's children sit will give themselves permission to weep through the sorrow of it all and then tell their parents how they really feel about being the fruits of the healing they have not been willing to do. If this story is actually what I believe it to be, a wake-up call from the universe, men will stop making excuses, women will stop being angry, and people will start talking and healing the things that really matter: relationships, families and our collective investment in the future of this world. People may not agree about why I do what I do the way I do it. They may continue to question my motives, intentions and the size of my paycheck. That will not make this story or the issues it has placed on the table of public conversation go away. One man, one story, has opened the floodgates of healing, growth and a new reality. We simply must do better.

iyanla dad of 34

 

Original Post

When one is on their deathbed, gasping their final breath, it all boils down to which one of those former little crumb snatchers will be there to aid you with your last drink of water.  Will they love you, will they still love you, will they know you, will they even care??????

 

None of the women took his seed to the abortion clinic, the children will grow up, good, bad or indifferent like the rest of "America".

 

Everybody on the planet has a damn father; they all just don't choose to partake in raising child their sexual activities produced. A price is paid for everything one does in life, good or bad. Parents are not exempt; nor are "cops" for that matter.

That was one long as essay just to somehow try to lay the blame at the woman's feet and feed America's Racist Propaganda Machine with rhetoric that implies that Black people in America are doing things sooooooo different than anyone else in America.

 

A man that has 34 children is very unusual in almost every damn culture on earth, except those that practice polygamy.  

 

Sometimes I just wish African American women would just believe in ABORTION more[and I don't even believe in abortion generally] and GIVING THEIR OWN OFFSPRING away like and unwanted pair shoes, so that people can raise up off the Black woman's back in their attempts to assassinate the character of African American women and use the Black woman/Black single mothers as a scapegoat for all that ills African America and all of society in America.  

 

Black single mothers did not funnel drugs and guns into the hands of teenagers and young Black males in predominately Black communities.

 

Black single mothers have not been the ones out there discriminating against Black people/Black youth in employment, housing and education.

 

Black single mothers are not the cops that are roaming America executing young Black males/Black people in America.

 

Black single mothers did not create gangs and gang violence.

 

Black single mothers did not move all the jobs ways from America's cities and places easily accessible to Black populations around the entire country.

 

Black single mothers are not the ones in our public schools that are criminalizing adolescent behavior in Black children and deliberately eroding their self-esteem in their formative years.  

 

As long as Black women or the Black single mother can be made the scapegoat for the myriad of problems, issues and struggles facing African America, those who are truly responsible never have to take responsibility and Black men can continue to not take the same amount of responsibility for the children they bring into this world as African American women do and always have, regardless.  

http://www.grandparents.com/fo...places-kids-eat-free

 

 

13 Places Kids Eat Free

Treat your grandkids to a special dinner and save money doing it.

By Stewart Coerver
 

Restaurants throughout the country are feeling the sting of the slow economy, just like you. In order to improve their bottom line and get families to eat out more often, many have initiated programs where kids eat free with the purchase of adult entrees. National chains, such as Bennigan's, TGI Friday's, and IHOP are promoting these deals, and local mom-and-pop restaurants are starting to do the same.

 

The specific times and dates vary from restaurant to restaurant, including those of the big chains so call your local favorites directly and find out if they have any kids-eat-free specials. Usually, these deals take place on off-peak days, like Tuesdays and Wednesdays; if you can find a deal, it's a good excuse to  spend time with the grandkids. Treat them to a special dinner, give their parents some downtime, and save money at the same time.

Here is a short list of national chains that have kids-eat-free deals at some locations*:

 

*Note: These specials vary from restaurant to restaurant and are subject to change at any time. The sample deals are real listings, but may not apply to the specific restaurants in your area. Sometimes, the deal in your area might even be better(Last updated: 7/13)

 

Applebee's
Sample deal: Get one kid's meal free when you buy one adult meal. Additional kids eat for $1 each.

 

Bennigan's
Sample deal: Kids eat free with the purchase of an adult entrée, on the first and third Tuesday of each month.

 

Captain D's
Sample deal: Thursdays, kids eat free. Get two free kids' meals with any adult entree purchased at regular price, dine-in only.

 

Chevys Fresh Mex
Sample deal: All day Tuesday, get one free kid's meal with one adult entrée, dine-in only.

 

Chic-fil-A
Sample deal: Get a free kid's meal with purchase of a combo deal, Tuesdays from 5:30pm to 7:30pm.

 

Denny's
Sample deal: Tuesdays from 4pm to 10pm, up to two kids' entrees are free with the purchase of one adult entrée.

 

Firehouse Subs
Sample deal: Kids enjoy a free meal from the kids' menu with the purchase of a combo meal.

 

IHOP
Sample deal: From 4pm to 8pm every day, kids get one free kids’-menu item with the purchase of an adult entree.

 

Jason's Deli
Sample deal: All day Sunday, kids eat free from the kids' menu.

 

Marie Callender's
Sample deal: All day, Tuesday and Saturday, receive one free kid's meal with the purchase of one adult entrée.

 

O'Charley's
Sample deal: Kids, 12 years old and younger, eat free every night of the week (up to two per paying adult).

 

T.G.I. Friday's
Sample deal: Mondays and Tuesdays, kids younger than 3 years old eat free.

 

Tony Roma's
Sample deal: Tuesdays, kids 12 and younger eat free with purchase of an adult entrée.

I think God frowns on abortion.  One probably opens themselves to breast cancer or some other affliction down the pike.  One gets away with nothing in this life. Regardless what WHITE MEN say, there's a human in there.  One probably does something to the body by aborting.  How many women do you know that gave birth to puppies or some other species??  Not only that, I don't believe women ever forget going through that process.  

 

The babies don't stay small long.  It's a major fascination seeing them walk through my door every day. So handsome/pretty/tall/intelligent, with their toddlers following.  Lord, how I love "MY" babies; the humor they bring and sometimes no so much humor.  They're the "cat's pajamas" to me!!!!!!  

*Shots fired!!*

 

http://thegrio.com/2014/10/15/...ren-daughter-letter/

 

Daughter of man who fathered 34 children writes letter blasting Iyanla Vanzant

Amina Mosley [Tumblr)

Amina Mosley (Tumblr)

 

The eldest daughter of an Atlanta video producer who recently appeared on a September episode of OWN’s Iyanla: Fix My Life has penned an open letter to the show’s host Iyanla Vanzant.

 

In the episode, Jay Williams faced some of his 34 children, whom he fathered with 17 different women, telling them that, “This has been one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had in my life.”

 

Five episodes of the show have already aired. Another follow-up episode, providing further updates on the family’s reconciliation and healing process, is set to air on OWN this coming weekend.

 

But 26-year-old Amina Mosley feels that both the show and its host have done little to fix her family, beginning a letter titled “Dear Ayanla, Thank You for ‘Fixing’ My Father,” by writing that “Before your show, I never felt like just one of 34. I have always had a great and close relationship with the eight of my siblings that I do know.”

 

She writes of the experience that, “When I was asked to participate [on the show], I was apprehensive simply because I was not buying it. There was no way that anyone could ‘fix’ my Father. His poor choices have disappointed me and so many others countless times, and I never thought the day would come where he would truly have the opportunity to face his demons… I left Atlanta feeling frustrated.”

 

Later, Mosley writes about her frustrations with speaking with her father, detailing a time that he came to visit her at college with a new girlfriend who was also pregnant at the time. She also recalls a phone conversation with her father after the show aired, in which she told him: “Let’s be honest, if you were solely responsible for my three meals a day since birth, I would not be breathing right now.”

 

The letter ends with Mosley writing that, “With all of that being said, I want to say thank you for fixing my father. You have done a remarkable job in helping him to feel better about himself, while unfortunately further enabling his false sense of reality. The reality is that he still has not been held accountable, so I am encouraging you to ask yourself ‘what about the children?'”

Another of Williams’ 34 children, Chantelle Williams, recently launched a GoFundMePage, writing on the page that, “The show has made our father a household name, garnered Iyanla her highest ratings ever and greatly benefitted OWN, but what about us?”

 

 

Iyanla: Fix My Life airs at 9/8c Saturdays on OWN.

  Unfortunately...these young girls DON'T get it.  Maybe it's because they are still to immature to understand the slave mentality their father was participating in when he fathered 34 or more children.  They do not have the knowledge of black history to comprehend that his behavior is that of a "buck" on the plantation.  His non-caring attitude about the children he willingly bring into the world pushed the buttons of MANY upon MANY people who are on either side of the fence i.e. the father having a lot of children....or the children with a father with a lot of children.  

 

 Massa created that when he removed the black man from the hut or not when he decided to deflower the black women.  Massa created that when he rented out his "bucks" to plantations throughout the regions for the sole purpose of impregnanting[sp] female slaves.  It's in the DNA of our journey in America yall.  This is EXACTLY why black history should be on the curriculum in all schools throughout this nation.    And what's sooooooooooo sad?  These young girls don't know.  And WILL make the SAME mistake their mothers did.  Cuz it appears to me...if that man wanted to get back with ANY of the mothers of his 34 children?  He could in a heart beat.  And that's what makes it very...extremely sad.  

 

No they don't like Ilayana because she SPEAKS THE TRUTH.  And some black people DON'T like HEARING the truth cuz it causes them to do something they are not used to doing and that is THINK FOR THEMSELVES!!!!  I really feel sorry for the girls....cuz if this is an indication...doesn't matter if they are college or not....if this is ANY indication of how they perceive their father?  We are going to have these girls looking for THEIR father in the men they CHOSE to have children by.  And that's scary as hell.  So my advice to these young girls....grow up!  Cuz one day YOU are gonna be HEAD of the household without a man.  Cuz why?  It's in your DNA.    Unless....  But!

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