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My man looks and porn and I don't like it. I told my man how it makes me feel,that I don't think he should be looking at porn as a married man. We have had many fights about this. He told me that porn stimulates him and that it has nothing too do with me. I am a fit person I work out, I am not a bad looking person. So tell me someone. What do you make of this? And What should I do?
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quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
Why does it make you uncomfortable?

Porn is fantasy. You are the real thing. No matter how much porn he watches, I'm sure your husband still finds you incredibly attractive. Cool


Depends... The guy might be addicted to fantasy... some people go overboard with the stuff.


right, b/c i also heard some of the men who watch porn and get disconnected from reality begin to expect their women (or any woman) to look/perform like the women in pornos so if he starts to have those kind of expectations of you then you should demand, not ask, that he throw his collection away or else....you should think of the or else part.
quote:
Originally posted by vrenee:
We have been married for 17 years. And he looks at porn up too 2 or more hours of porn every other night.


And what does he do [or try to do] after he watches the porn? Does he turn his attention to you [or try to]?

quote:
right, b/c i also heard some of the men who watch porn and get disconnected from reality begin to expect their women (or any woman) to look/perform like the women in pornos


I've never heard this except from women who are complaining that their man watches too much porn, or folks [usually, moralists] who are trying to put an academic face on their condemnation of porn.

A man's watching porn has NOTHING to do with his feeling about or attraction to his mate.

My suggestion ... unless you find porn to extremely offensive and degrading, as opposed to just not your cup of tea; is to say: "Honey, move over. Is there something on this film that you especially like?"
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
quote:
Originally posted by vrenee:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:

How long have you been married and how frequently does he look at porn?....

We have been married for 17 years. And he looks at porn up too 2 or more hours of porn every other night.


And what does he do [or try to do] after he watches the porn? Does he turn his attention to you [or try to]?....



We sound like a priest...

"And what sort of thoughts run through his mind when he looks at the porno?.... Say 20 Hail Mary's and take a cold shower."
quote:
right, b/c i also heard some of the men who watch porn and get disconnected from reality begin to expect their women (or any woman) to look/perform like the women in pornos


I've never heard this except from women who are complaining that their man watches too much porn, or folks [usually, moralists] who are trying to put an academic face on their condemnation of porn.

A man's watching porn has NOTHING to do with his feeling about or attraction to his mate.
QUOTE]
------------------------------------------------
oh. sck maybe i should stop getting my info from oprah/dr.phil types.
I agree with Frenchy.

Did you know that he was into porn before your married him?

I think you need to atleast try to get into it with him, you never know what ideas the two of you may come up with. Maybe give him a lap dance to Spice Girls "Holla".... maybe he is asking you to shake and shimme for him in a passive way. Perhaps he has difficulty telling you what he wants.... Open up, they are just images. But porn is addictive, I had a boyfriend that was into it and now I enjoy watching them, except the "face" shot, I still think they are degrading. I told him and he went out and got videos that don't have them for us to watch. We worked it out. Big Grin You can too Wink
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
If hes addicted to porn, then its a problem, that needs to be addressed.

I mean, watching it for 2 or more hours, every other night..? Where does he find the time to do that? Confused


I'm inclined to agree.

And even if he isn't addicted, you've told him that you're upset with his habit and yet he continues watching it for two hours every other day.

I'm not against porn, but I know if I told him I felt slighted by it and he completely disregarded it that I'd feel seriously disrespected.

I have no advice, just sympathy.
Most people watch MUCH more than 2 hours of TV every single night. It doesn't sound like some huge amount of time to me.

Why does he need to consider his partner?? It has nothing to do with her. It would be like her husband telling her "Honey, I don't like that you masterbate with dildos. Please stop. It makes me uncomfortable." WTF?? That's not anyone else's call to make. Not every decision needs to be made by committee. I would have to divorce my husband if he started up with something like that. Everyone needs "me" time to enjoy themself. I find that people who do not particularly enjoy sex/masterbation feel very uncomfortable with people who do. That is something they need to work out for themselves of trying to squash other people's behavior to conform to some kind of Puritanical standard.

SEVENTEEN years and the man can't look at anything else but his wife?? Good God. ek
The issue is affecting their relationship.

I don't think the proper action is to wank to movies every other day.

She's questioning whether his porn has something to do with her body.

To go on viewing as much as he does in spite of this just doesn't seem respectful.

I'm not saying that he has to stop watching porn indefinitely.

I have no advice, really.

But I do think it's rude to be watching it as much as he does while this issue is unresolved.

She's still internalizing his porn habits as something wrong with her.
quote:
She's questioning whether his porn has something to do with her body.

(snip)

She's still internalizing his porn habits as something wrong with her.


Then she's got to get some help for that. There's no way you can talk someone out of feeling insecure about themself. She knows that she's fit and takes care of herself. He's explicitly stated that it has nothing to do with her. If she doesn't believe it, it's her own issue to deal with.

It's one thing to have an honest conversation about and genuinely try to understand and compromise. It's another thing to decide you don't want to believe anything that comes out of the other person's mouth and they should just do what you say so you can feel better (regardless of how it impacts them). Pfft! Hell naw! nono

I don't think it's disrespectful to disregard a ridiculous demand at some point.
*Black Viking steps into the Twilite Zone*

For the most part, I agree with Frenchy. Everyone needs alone time, and what he chooses to do with it shouldn't really be a concern for her. There is a very large difference between fantasy and reality, and it doesn't do her any good at all to confuse the two.

*Black Viking steps back out of the Twilite Zone*

But, I have to wonder how anyone could watch that much porn. I like porn as much as the next guy, but it's not that interesting. If I were going to spend that much time focusing on sex, I'd much rather have a flesh & blood woman for inspiration.

But, that's just me... and I'm just one guy. To each his own.
I think sometimes we may exaggerate the length of something like this because we all know there is 2 sides to every story. The real issue is not your husband looking a porn but are you insecure about him looking at porn. I really find it kind of hard to believe that your husband would disrepect you after all those years of marriage.

Has this always been an issue or you just started having problems with it all of sudden? Anybody that watches porn is not necessarily an addict. Is he spending the family money on it? If so then you may have a problem but he proably is not.

I look at porn and afterwards me and my wife tear the roof of the mutha but anyway don't try to enforce something that you don't enjoy upon him. Again, as a married black man, I constantly do things with my wife that I don't like (for instance shopping for shoes and stuff) but I do it because I LOVE HER! Anyway it is part of the give and take of a relationship.

LOVE DIS BOARD
BLACK PEOPLE UNITE
AND LET'S ALL GET DOWN'
WE GOT TO HAVE IT!

ADUB IS HERE TO STAY!!!
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
Most people watch MUCH more than 2 hours of TV every single night. It doesn't sound like some huge amount of time to me.

Why does he need to consider his partner?? It has nothing to do with her. It would be like her husband telling her "Honey, I don't like that you masterbate with dildos. Please stop. It makes me uncomfortable." WTF?? That's not anyone else's call to make. Not every decision needs to be made by committee. I would have to divorce my husband if he started up with something like that. Everyone needs "me" time to enjoy themself. I find that people who do not particularly enjoy sex/masterbation feel very uncomfortable with people who do. That is something they need to work out for themselves of trying to squash other people's behavior to conform to some kind of Puritanical standard.

SEVENTEEN years and the man can't look at anything else but his wife?? Good God. ek


fo
quote:
Originally posted by vrenee:
My man looks and porn and I don't like it. I told my man how it makes me feel,that I don't think he should be looking at porn as a married man. We have had many fights about this. He told me that porn stimulates him and that it has nothing too do with me. I am a fit person I work out, I am not a bad looking person. So tell me someone. What do you make of this? And What should I do?


can he recommend any new movies?? just kidding....

just talk to him about it if it bothers you. marriage should be open communication Smile
I don't think there's anything wrong with you husband watching porn. If anything it could only make him think harder about how to please you and ways to make your sex life better than what it is. I watch porn with my husband all the time sometimes even by myself. It gets your mind moving to things that you might want to try that you've never tried before. But if you don't like it, don't take it away from him. Try new ways to get his attention. Buy a sexy new thong or even ask him if there's something new he wants to try. Basically it'll get his mind away from the porn and more into you because than you'll turn into his real porno queen and not something that he sees on t.v.
I think that looking at porn disgusting. I honestly don't see the point of it. You get all hot and bothered and "orgasmic" over people that you'll NEVER have the pleasure of having sex with in the PHYSICAL FLESH. People who get off on porn are so 18 . If I'm not enough to turn my man on, then he doesn't need to be with me.

You've already told him how you feel about it and he's obviously ignored you so you can't really do or say anything to stop him completely. You CAN however, deter him from doing it in your face, but it's probably gonna be a sacrifice. In order to keep him from looking at porn in your home, then I suggest you get RID of the INTERNET ACCESS on ALL of the Computers in your house. If you don't wanna go to that extreme.... then try putting a personal lock on the use of the computers by creating a PASSWORD and USER-NAME that only YOU have access to. That way, you can control a little bit of his "Internet Activities".
quote:
If I'm not enough to turn my man on, then he doesn't need to be with me.


Okay, we've been here before; but ...

A man's looking at porn has nothing to do with his feeling for and/or satisfaction with his S/O. In fact, his looking at porn has nothing to do with anyone, including those on the scene.

And, while I strive to avoid using Sexist generalizations, I doubt any woman will ever be able to understand the above. 14
quote:
Originally posted by Serenity4Ever:
I think that looking at porn disgusting. I honestly don't see the point of it. You get all hot and bothered and "orgasmic" over people that you'll NEVER have the pleasure of having sex with in the PHYSICAL FLESH. People who get off on porn are so 18 . If I'm not enough to turn my man on, then he doesn't need to be with me.

You've already told him how you feel about it and he's obviously ignored you so you can't really do or say anything to stop him completely. You CAN however, deter him from doing it in your face, but it's probably gonna be a sacrifice. In order to keep him from looking at porn in your home, then I suggest you get RID of the INTERNET ACCESS on ALL of the Computers in your house. If you don't wanna go to that extreme.... then try putting a personal lock on the use of the computers by creating a PASSWORD and USER-NAME that only YOU have access to. That way, you can control a little bit of his "Internet Activities".


You wanna see a grown man GO OFF THE HOOK; try doing the above suggestions, ESPECIALLY if he's pitching in or outright paying for all that. This should go under "10 ways to lose a Man in 2 minutes or less".
quote:
Originally posted by Serenity4Ever:
I think that looking at porn disgusting. I honestly don't see the point of it. You get all hot and bothered and "orgasmic" over people that you'll NEVER have the pleasure of having sex with in the PHYSICAL FLESH. People who get off on porn are so 18 . If I'm not enough to turn my man on, then he doesn't need to be with me.

You've already told him how you feel about it and he's obviously ignored you so you can't really do or say anything to stop him completely. You CAN however, deter him from doing it in your face, but it's probably gonna be a sacrifice. In order to keep him from looking at porn in your home, then I suggest you get RID of the INTERNET ACCESS on ALL of the Computers in your house. If you don't wanna go to that extreme.... then try putting a personal lock on the use of the computers by creating a PASSWORD and USER-NAME that only YOU have access to. That way, you can control a little bit of his "Internet Activities".


There is nothing disguisting, peculiar, or lame about being turned on by porn. Even if you aren't being touched by someone else.

It's normal to be aroused by audio/visual stimulation. And the physical stimulation that so often results.

Locking the computer and all that is way overboard.

Are you going to advise her to send him to the corner and make him write "I will not watch porn" 10x, too?
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
quote:
Originally posted by Serenity4Ever:
I think that looking at porn disgusting. I honestly don't see the point of it. You get all hot and bothered and "orgasmic" over people that you'll NEVER have the pleasure of having sex with in the PHYSICAL FLESH. People who get off on porn are so 18 . If I'm not enough to turn my man on, then he doesn't need to be with me.

You've already told him how you feel about it and he's obviously ignored you so you can't really do or say anything to stop him completely. You CAN however, deter him from doing it in your face, but it's probably gonna be a sacrifice. In order to keep him from looking at porn in your home, then I suggest you get RID of the INTERNET ACCESS on ALL of the Computers in your house. If you don't wanna go to that extreme.... then try putting a personal lock on the use of the computers by creating a PASSWORD and USER-NAME that only YOU have access to. That way, you can control a little bit of his "Internet Activities".


You wanna see a grown man GO OFF THE HOOK; try doing the above suggestions, ESPECIALLY if he's pitching in or outright paying for all that. This should go under "10 ways to lose a Man in 2 minutes or less".

yeah
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
quote:
If I'm not enough to turn my man on, then he doesn't need to be with me.


Okay, we've been here before; but ...

A man's looking at porn has nothing to do with his feeling for and/or satisfaction with his S/O. In fact, his looking at porn has nothing to do with anyone, including those on the scene.
Then WHY does He do it??? For the mere fantasy of it??? That's still 18 Porn is for those who have NOONE beating down their door to come give them some.
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
quote:
Originally posted by Serenity4Ever:
I think that looking at porn disgusting. I honestly don't see the point of it. You get all hot and bothered and "orgasmic" over people that you'll NEVER have the pleasure of having sex with in the PHYSICAL FLESH. People who get off on porn are so 18 . If I'm not enough to turn my man on, then he doesn't need to be with me.

You've already told him how you feel about it and he's obviously ignored you so you can't really do or say anything to stop him completely. You CAN however, deter him from doing it in your face, but it's probably gonna be a sacrifice. In order to keep him from looking at porn in your home, then I suggest you get RID of the INTERNET ACCESS on ALL of the Computers in your house. If you don't wanna go to that extreme.... then try putting a personal lock on the use of the computers by creating a PASSWORD and USER-NAME that only YOU have access to. That way, you can control a little bit of his "Internet Activities".


You wanna see a grown man GO OFF THE HOOK; try doing the above suggestions, ESPECIALLY if he's pitching in or outright paying for all that. This should go under "10 ways to lose a Man in 2 minutes or less".
Well that would be the general idea. Roll Eyes If he goes "off the hook" or "crazy", then maybe he'll realize how she feels when he disses her like that. Besides, if he would really divorce her over something STUPID ish like that,then he's NOT much of a man anyway and I'd say Let him gone ahead and leave.... He can marry his PORN, it seems to much more for him sexually than she does anyway (according to him). A REAL MAN don't need porn to turn them on.... A REAL MAN would put all that energy into having hot steamy sex with his woman. Why watch Porn when you can MAKE YOUR OWN. Wink
quote:
Originally posted by ma'am:
quote:
Originally posted by Serenity4Ever:
I think that looking at porn disgusting. I honestly don't see the point of it. You get all hot and bothered and "orgasmic" over people that you'll NEVER have the pleasure of having sex with in the PHYSICAL FLESH. People who get off on porn are so 18 . If I'm not enough to turn my man on, then he doesn't need to be with me.

You've already told him how you feel about it and he's obviously ignored you so you can't really do or say anything to stop him completely. You CAN however, deter him from doing it in your face, but it's probably gonna be a sacrifice. In order to keep him from looking at porn in your home, then I suggest you get RID of the INTERNET ACCESS on ALL of the Computers in your house. If you don't wanna go to that extreme.... then try putting a personal lock on the use of the computers by creating a PASSWORD and USER-NAME that only YOU have access to. That way, you can control a little bit of his "Internet Activities".


There is nothing disguisting, peculiar, or lame about being turned on by porn. Even if you aren't being touched by someone else.

It's normal to be aroused by audio/visual stimulation. And the physical stimulation that so often results.

Locking the computer and all that is way overboard.
I never said it wasn't normal, i said it was LAME AND I'll CONTINUE to say it's LAME. It's an act of DESPERATION. Why waste time being stimulated by someone you'll NEVER MEET when you have a S/O that's ready and willing to satisfy you sexually. If your S/O ain't satisfying you... then you need to school them. Stooping to porn is just ridiculously ridiculous and once again DIS-GUS-TING. td6 It always has been and it always will be. Wink
quote:
Originally posted by Serenity4Ever:
Besides, if he would really divorce her over something STUPID ish like that,then he's NOT much of a man anyway and I'd say Let him gone ahead and leave....

Actually, he probably wouldn't get a divorce over the porn. He would probably get a divorce ovr her infantile attemts to control his behavior.

quote:
A REAL MAN don't need porn to turn them on.... A REAL MAN would put all that energy into having hot steamy sex with his woman.

I think it's funny when a woman goes on a tear lecturing men about what a "real man" is. Particularly when they don't have one. lol
quote:
Originally posted by ma'am:
quote:
Originally posted by Serenity4Ever:
I think that looking at porn disgusting. I honestly don't see the point of it. You get all hot and bothered and "orgasmic" over people that you'll NEVER have the pleasure of having sex with in the PHYSICAL FLESH. People who get off on porn are so 18 . If I'm not enough to turn my man on, then he doesn't need to be with me.

You've already told him how you feel about it and he's obviously ignored you so you can't really do or say anything to stop him completely. You CAN however, deter him from doing it in your face, but it's probably gonna be a sacrifice. In order to keep him from looking at porn in your home, then I suggest you get RID of the INTERNET ACCESS on ALL of the Computers in your house. If you don't wanna go to that extreme.... then try putting a personal lock on the use of the computers by creating a PASSWORD and USER-NAME that only YOU have access to. That way, you can control a little bit of his "Internet Activities".


Locking the computer and all that is way overboard.

Are you going to advise her to send him to the corner and make him write "I will not watch porn" 10x, too?
Locking the computer is SUPPOSED to be overboard Roll Eyes.... How else is she going control the screening of porn in her own home?? Desperate times calls for desperate measures. I don't care if he does pay for the internet service or if he bought the computer with only his income.... he needs to utilize some SELF-CONTROL because this is obviously having a negative effect on his MARRIGE. She is NOT his GIRLFRIEND, she is HIS WIFE, therefore her feelings should be taken into consideration (not disregarded) when it comes to their marrital issues. When a man consummates his MARRIAGE, He becomes UNITED (ONE FLESH) with his WIFE.... NOT his COMPUTER.

It would be different if she (his WIFE) had no problem with him watching porn. But this is obviously NOT the case, therefore, he needs o make step toward kicking this DISGUSTINGLY PATHETIC habit.

I would not advise her to make him sit in the corner cause that's just retarded. lol It's not like he'd really stay in the corner an write sentences anyway. Razz Locking the computer(s) or getting rid of the internet will suffice.
quote:
Originally posted by Serenity4Ever:
quote:
Originally posted by ma'am:
quote:
Originally posted by Serenity4Ever:
I think that looking at porn disgusting. I honestly don't see the point of it. You get all hot and bothered and "orgasmic" over people that you'll NEVER have the pleasure of having sex with in the PHYSICAL FLESH. People who get off on porn are so 18 . If I'm not enough to turn my man on, then he doesn't need to be with me.

You've already told him how you feel about it and he's obviously ignored you so you can't really do or say anything to stop him completely. You CAN however, deter him from doing it in your face, but it's probably gonna be a sacrifice. In order to keep him from looking at porn in your home, then I suggest you get RID of the INTERNET ACCESS on ALL of the Computers in your house. If you don't wanna go to that extreme.... then try putting a personal lock on the use of the computers by creating a PASSWORD and USER-NAME that only YOU have access to. That way, you can control a little bit of his "Internet Activities".


There is nothing disguisting, peculiar, or lame about being turned on by porn. Even if you aren't being touched by someone else.

It's normal to be aroused by audio/visual stimulation. And the physical stimulation that so often results.

Locking the computer and all that is way overboard.
I never said it wasn't normal, i said it was LAME AND I'll CONTINUE to say it's LAME. It's an act of DESPERATION. Why waste time being stimulated by someone you'll NEVER MEET when you have a S/O that's ready and willing to satisfy you sexually. If your S/O ain't satisfying you... then you need to school them. Stooping to porn is just ridiculously ridiculous and once again DIS-GUS-TING. td6 It always has been and it always will be. Wink
Well whenI get one, you betta believe he ain't gone be sittin' up in MY CRIB watching PORN. Wink

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