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What Are Women Really Attracted To?
By Matthew Fitzgerald
Relationship Education Correspondent

The male sex drive is uncomplicated and honest. Men are visual. The hot-blooded sexual response to the sight of a good-looking young woman has been hard-wired into the male brain thanks to millions of years of evolution -- the average guy can no more stop ogling, lusting and urging to merge than he can stop eating or sleeping. But what about women? Just what do they find attractive about men? Read any typical survey and you'll be informed that what really turns them on is a sense of humor, confidence, consideration of others, etc. In other words, according to women, all you have to do is to be a nice guy and they'll come running.

Reality check time

Never listen to what a woman says -- always pay attention to what she actually does instead. The two are quite frequently worlds apart, because women are masters at self-deceit and equally adept at lying to themselves about their own behavior.

Cross-cultural evidence from different societies consistently reveals that what women really want from men are economic resources. Studies with college coeds show that when shown photographs of men dressed in high-status uniforms (suits, ties, expensive watches, etc.) and low-status uniforms, these women would be significantly more willing to enter into relationships with the more expensively-attired males regardless of the man's physical appearance .

To a woman, attraction is simple: green is very good-looking. And these same studies found that college men were convinced that magnifying their status (implying greater earning power) would lead to increased sexual activity.

Thus men were forced to rely on such attraction tactics as driving expensive cars, bragging about accomplishments, and emphasizing present or future earning power, while women, on the other hand, packaged themselves as commodities with make-up, jewelry, hairstyles, and shape-revealing clothing.

Evolution says women want more sex, not moneytalkin' about an evolution

Evolutionary psychologists like Dr. David Buss believe that present-day mate selection behaviors were founded in the Stone Age. Buss' recent survey of over 10,000 people in 37 countries, on six continents, reports that men consistently prize physical attraction and youth in their potential mates, while women value ambition, status, and financial resources.
In evolutionary terms, men seek out sexually desirable females whose youthful features indicate good health and the ability to bear children, while women look for mates with abundant enough resources to provide for their children.

So does this mean that women are genetically programmed to seek out only high-status men with lots of money and resources, and to disdain more average guys with lesser earning power -- that what women really go for is that big bulge in a man's pants (his wallet)?

Women want sex too

Enter Dr. Tim Birkhead of the University of Sheffield (England), author of the ground-breaking Promiscuity: An Evolutionary History of Sperm Competition . With research spanning the broad spectrum of the animal kingdom, Birkhead discovered that female promiscuity -- that is, females having sex with multiple partners, sometimes regardless of their resources or status -- is the norm rather than the exception.

In fact, females of most species, from damselflies to penguins, routinely copulate with several different mates. And this is especially true among the higher mammals, such as chimpanzees and bonobos, with whom humans share approximately 99% of DNA.

According to Jane Goodall ( The Chimpanzees of Gombe ), a female chimp may mate with different males of her group as many as 50 times a day, and will actively seek out low-status chimps from other bands for even more sexual encounters.

And bonobos, who act and appear even more similar to humans than chimps, are the real swingers of the animal kingdom -- they participate in virtual gang-bangs and sex (even lesbian sex) solely for the sake of pleasure.

So why the money angle?

Of course, for women the implications are staggering. According to Birkhead, human females are genetically programmed to be promiscuous. And if Birkhead is right -- that we share common evolutionary behavior with chimps and bonobos -- this means that women should be attracted to and willing to have sex with men regardless of status. Women should not be using dating and marriage as a business.
Yet in human society, women are still selling it and men are still forced to pay for it.

Why?

Because women think with their vaginas -- that is, they use their awesome sexual power to control, manipulate, and get what they want from men. And men let them get away with it.

But in this day and age of equal rights, when women are earning excellent incomes and claim that they have no need for men to support them any more (but still hypocritically expect men to pay for them), maybe it's time for women to finally be honest.

Maybe it's time for women to jettison the manipulative greed, which so characterizes their gender, and seek out men of any status, as apparently nature has intended. Maybe it's time for women to start having sex for the sake of enjoyment instead of cold-bloodedly using it as a tool to feather their own nests.

The choice is yours

Men, you have two choices: either continue on as financial slaves and sacrifice your manhood on the altar of female greed; or stand up for yourselves right now -- refuse to be sex-ploited any longer. Then maybe, just maybe, women can be as nature intended: sexually honest, like men.

Matthew Fitzgerald is the author of Sex Ploytation. He has appeared on radio shows from coast-to-coast in the United States and in Canada, and has been featured on the Montel show and The Other Half.

Men (and women too), tell me what you think about the content of this article. Is it true or what?
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Personally, I believe there is some truth to this...especially the part where the author advised men to "never listen to what a woman says -- always pay attention to what she actually does instead." I would modify that to say that as a guy, one should not only hear or listen to what a woman says but also observe and keep note on what she does...much more telling and true.
As to the role of money and the need for sex as items of attraction women see in men...both are factors but I think it is more of a function of age. In other words, the younger the lady, more likely the attraction is more of sex appeal but as the lady comes of age, the obvious power and neccessity of money becomes more important...not neccessarily the fact of having large amounts as such men tend to be scarce but the income potential becomes more important later on in life for mainly legit reasons...cost of living, raising kids, health care costs etc.
In considering the author's cry for women "to jettison the manipulative greed, which so characterizes their gender, and seek out men of any status, as apparently nature have intended" is at best idealistic for all case scenerios...it could happen if the the lady actually has the money and is out to satisfy that natural post-30 increased sex drives ladies tend to have with just any guy that floats her boat..but for the rest of the world....nada..and understandably so!
I disagree with some parts of the article.

One fact....women are talkers (sometimes we talk too much), so you pretty much know whats coming.

Men do not talk........so you have to watch their actions, to figure out whats next.

Also the part about college men, magnifying their status.......that may have been true, 10yrs ago, but not now. (well not with women that are educated, and making more money).

I think now women want men, that are goal oriented........i dont care what it is, just 'be about something'.

Just my thoughts.... Smile
It's really difficult to determine what women are attracted to.

True story: I was on the bus. This fine-looking Puerto-Rican girl came on; she had these large, seductive, blue eyes; voluptuous - full luscious tits, big round hips and an ass to match. ABSOLUTELY STUNNING. So,as she walks down the aisle, we make eye-contact. I smiled at her. And she? She rolled eyes-clearly annoyed, as if to say: "nigga PUH-LEEEEAAASE...don't even think about!!"

Now, I admit, I'm never gonna make the cover of GQ anytime soon(they keep mailing back my pictures, and they won't return my calls...but that's another story), but damn c'mon don't act like I should be clubbed upside the head & locked in a fuckin dungeon cuz I ain't cute enough!! I mean C'MON! C'MON!! I'm venting, sorry. Where was I...

So, after rolling her eyes she walks pass me & sat at THE BACK of the bus. Two stops later. She GETS UP AND SITS RIGHT ACROSS FROM ME. RIGHT A-FUCKIN-CROSS FROM ME!! There were plenty seats to choose from, too. My first thought was to rip her fuckin clothes of and give her a slow tongue-bath; but after that, I thought: "why would this girl want to be near a guy who clearly repulses her?" Maybe she decided that I was attractive enough? Maybe she want me to talk to her just so she could reject me, leaving me lookin like an ass? Or maybe she's thinks I'm ugly, and she's into ugly guys (at this point, I was reaching, I know, but she was THAT HOT!!) Anyway,I was confused, so, I didn't say a fuckin word to her, I didn't even look at her (well...when we got off at the same stop, I kinda looked at her ass but..whatever).

Anyway, what are women/men really attracted to? Well, that seems to be an issue of social relativity; but even within the confines of each person's unique ideals of attractiveness, the mercurial nature of humans will always make it diffucult to accurately answer this question.

Shame about that girl, tho...she had some full suckable lips, too...that bitch! In my fantasy, I get revenge by giving her a good hard fuckin her till she becomes cross-eyed and comatose. Big Grin
quote:
Originally posted by Max:
... Maybe she want me to talk to her just so she could reject me, leaving me lookin like an ass? Or maybe she's thinks I'm ugly, and she's into ugly guys (at this point, I was reaching, I know, but she was THAT HOT!!) Anyway,I was confused,...
Maybe the fact that you were riding the bus turned her off??
"Women think with their vaginas"???? Puh-leeeeeeeze....

YOUNG women, maybe... who tragically, mistakenly think they don't have anything else to offer. Women with sense (and class) do NOT think this way AT ALL. Clearly, the author has unresolved issues, no doubt fueled by chasing some woman who didn't give him the time of day after he had his way with her and bought her groceries. lol

My brother once remarked that men are basically uncomplicated: "We want food, football and sex, sis. Sometimes the order changes, but basically that's what we want in life." lol
So I say, you get what you ask for; if you go around looking at women mostly as a means to get your pleasure, well you get what you get.

Now to answer the question. Here's what I'm attracted to:
As one of the sisters said in this thread, I'm attracted to a man who's about something. Doesn't have to be a millionaire or doesn't have to be trying to be one. But he does have to have some goals and some direction in life.

A man who treats me like a PERSON first, a woman second... look at my eyes and my face when you're talking to me, not my body. That is NOT flattering...

A man who wants an equal partnership with me, in most things. Yeah, I'm just old enough to be a little old-fashioned in wanting a man to be a MAN and sometimes take the lead in some things, but I don't want to be dominated. A man with some maturity about him knows how to find the balance....

A man who keeps himself up. Doesn't have to be "Billy Dee", but if I'm expected to look good for him, it'd be nice if he did the same. Shave, shower, brush your teeth, you know, the usual stuff. Whatever you did to get me, you should keep doing to keep me...

A man who doesn't think of making love as something he does to ME; a friend of mine once described S-EX as a S hared EX perience. I LOVED that description! It's something we should do for each other. Let's both be participants in this game. Don't get offended if I move your hand or ask you to be gentler with me. Let me pleasure you sometimes without feeling the need to pound me into the ground to show me what a "stud" you are... Trust me, women DON'T enjoy being pounded...

I guess I'll stop right there. Let the comments, (insults, criticisms, arguments Wink) begin!
quote:
Originally posted by Max:

True story: I was on the bus. This fine-looking Puerto-Rican girl came on; she had these large, seductive, blue eyes; voluptuous - full luscious tits, big round hips and an ass to match. ABSOLUTELY STUNNING. So,as she walks down the aisle, we make eye-contact. I smiled at her. And she? She rolled eyes-clearly annoyed, as if to say: "nigga PUH-LEEEEAAASE...don't even think about!!"




Max, dont you realize the 'look' on your face..........could've turned her off??

Sorry, but the way you sound........you were drooling like a dog in heat. When i see a man behave this way.........i think hes all about the booty, and nothing else. Confused



Ms_secondhalf...

"S-EX as a S hared EX perience. I LOVED that description! It's something we should do for each other."



I loved this too!!!! Smile
Because women think with their vaginas -- that is, they use their awesome sexual power to control, manipulate, and get what they want from men. And men let them get away with it.

I don't know if women think with their vaginas but they do know a man's sexual appetite is usually a trillion times hers, so by default she probably has to think with her vagina to have some sort of control. A woman hates a "player" because she has no sexual power over him and cannot manipulate him, yet still finds herself attracted to him. HE has the awesome sexual power and her vagina has no value.
LoL! Maybe you have a point Audio - although she would be pretty hypocritical if she actually felt that way.

Qty226, you may have a point also, but I didn't drool or leer at her or anything like that. In fact, I make it a point NOT to do that when courting a woman - it smacks of desperation. Yes, I was sizing her up for 2-3 seconds, but it was seemless - I wasn't gawking; and I'm more than certain that she didn't notice (guys are good at this). But I had to let her know that I found her attractive & that I had romantic interest in her, so I gave a simple smile & a nod that lasted no more that 2 seconds. I was going to say hello, but judging from her body language, she wasn't having it. But what I want to know is: if she was turned-off cuz I was "drooling like a dog in heat", why would she come FROM THE BACK OF THE BUS & sit right across from me? Of all the seats to choose from, why put yourself in close proximity to someone you regard as annoying & a turn-off?
quote:
I think now women want men, that are goal oriented........i dont care what it is, just 'be about something'


Silly Question but what does this mean and why?

What if his goal is to do a honest day's work, take care of his home, wife, and children to the best of his abilities?

This sounds a little like the phrase "I'll date a man with potential". I HATE that phrase. To me the person is saying, "I really don't accept you as you are but will if you become what I think you can become".

Maybe that's why families and children are such a mess these days. Everyone feels that they have to "be" somebody. If we live normal, good lives, we failed somehow.

quote:
MOST women do not sit around thinking about how to 'conquer' men with their "awesome sexual power"


I beg to differ. When it comes to sexual power women have cornered the market and THEY NOW IT. Just look at our culture. I just watched a show about sexploitation and hip hop. One of the video girls has a tell all book out now. Look at the media books, magazines, t.v. and it's full of images of women selling and sex is the key. Look at porn and prostitution.
quote:
Originally posted by Max:
LoL! Maybe you have a point Audio - although she would be pretty hypocritical if she actually felt that way.

Qty226, you may have a point also, but I didn't drool or leer at her or anything like that. In fact, I make it a point NOT to do that when courting a woman - it smacks of desperation. Yes, I was sizing her up for 2-3 seconds, but it was seemless - I wasn't gawking; and I'm more than certain that she didn't notice (guys are good at this). But I had to let her know that I found her attractive & that I had romantic interest in her, so I gave a simple smile & a nod that lasted no more that 2 seconds. I was going to say hello, but judging from her body language, she wasn't having it. But what I want to know is: if she was turned-off cuz I was "drooling like a dog in heat", why would she come FROM THE BACK OF THE BUS & sit right across from me? Of all the seats to choose from, why put yourself in close proximity to someone you regard as annoying & a turn-off?


There are a million reasons why she reacted, to you just nodding and smiling.

But it seems to me, that you really liked her.....and because of this, maybe you should've taken the opportunity to chat, and find out what the deal was. (It couldnt hurt, right?)

I've been in a similar situation, room full of people.....i smile at a guy, he turns his head..........only to be in my face an hour later.

I put him on ignore........and moved on, because he really didnt leave a lasting impression. Out of thought........out of mind.

But for you.....it was much different.
quote:
Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
quote:
I think now women want men, that are goal oriented........i dont care what it is, just 'be about something'


Silly Question but what does this mean and why?

What if his goal is to do a honest day's work, take care of his home, wife, and children to the best of his abilities?

This sounds a little like the phrase "I'll date a man with potential". I HATE that phrase. To me the person is saying, "I really don't accept you as you are but will if you become what I think you can become".

Maybe that's why families and children are such a mess these days. Everyone feels that they have to "be" somebody. If we live normal, good lives, we failed somehow.



You answered the question.... Smile

"What if his goal is to do a honest day's work, take care of his home, wife, and children to the best of his abilities?"

This has nothing to do with his 'potential earnings', or what he does for a living (no matter what, i'll always have his back).......this has to do with the fact that he has an agenda, a purpose in life.

He may not make a lot of money.......but hes doing the best that he can, treating me with love and respect...............thats really all i could ask for. Smile
quote:
Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
This sounds a little like the phrase "I'll date a man with potential". I HATE that phrase. To me the person is saying, "I really don't accept you as you are but will if you become what I think you can become".

Maybe that's why families and children are such a mess these days. Everyone feels that they have to "be" somebody. If we live normal, good lives, we failed somehow.


tfro tfro tfro today everyone wants to be a celebrity. Not much of an aspiration.

quote:
I beg to differ. When it comes to sexual power women have cornered the market and THEY NOW IT. Just look at our culture..... Look at the media books, magazines, t.v. and it's full of images of women selling and sex is the key. Look at porn and prostitution.


but who is consuming it, controlling it and making MOST of the money? MEN! Has always been and always will be unless women CHOOSE to offer more than just their sexuality.
.
.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
This has nothing to do with his 'potential earnings', or what he does for a living (no matter what, i'll always have his back).......this has to do with the fact that he has an agenda, a purpose in life.

He may not make a lot of money.......but hes doing the best that he can, treating me with love and respect...............thats really all i could ask for. Smile

you said it gurl. Smile
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
this has to do with the fact that he has an agenda, a purpose in life.

He may not make a lot of money.......but hes doing the best that he can, treating me with love and respect...............thats really all i could ask for. Smile


I am with Midlifeman on this one....the statement of wanting a man with a purpose in life is quite a vague statement and is one that continues to confuse the hell out of me...don't understand it...Experience has taught me that the concept of what a meaniful purpose for a man varies quite widely between females regardless of race...and it usually entails a minimal of where the lady sees herself...ie if she is a doctor, chances are she would want someone no less than a doctorate. not saying all females are that way..lord I know that there is a wide spectrum of ladies out there but in short when ladies say they want a man with a purpose, the unspoken message...he has to be a professional, CEO, banker, stockbroker etc.
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
women are attracted to a mysterious man

women are attracted to men that aren't pushovers

women are attracted confident men


these are the factors that are attractive to women...what was posted above are simply 'things that women WOULD LIKE' in a man, not what they are 'attracted' to.


You hit this one 100% on the money. Those three qualities are required. Everything else is negotiable.
quote:
Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
quote:
MOST women do not sit around thinking about how to 'conquer' men with their "awesome sexual power"


I beg to differ. When it comes to sexual power women have cornered the market and THEY NOW IT. Just look at our culture. I just watched a show about sexploitation and hip hop. One of the video girls has a tell all book out now. Look at the media books, magazines, t.v. and it's full of images of women selling and sex is the key. Look at porn and prostitution.


Look at porn and prostitution? I'd say that supply follow demand. If men didn't look at women as if their sexual organs were made out of gold, women wouldn't have anything to 'sell', now would they? Smile
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by folobatuyi:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
this has to do with the fact that he has an agenda, a purpose in life.

He may not make a lot of money.......but hes doing the best that he can, treating me with love and respect...............thats really all i could ask for. Smile


lord I know that there is a wide spectrum of ladies out there but in short when ladies say they want a man with a purpose, the unspoken message...he has to be a professional, CEO, banker, stockbroker etc.


This phrase or statement is confusing, because it has a different meaning for each person.

With that in mind.........i would never 'assume' what her feelings are.

Also.....a professional woman, would be attracted to a professional man.........because of her environment. Her peers are usually professionals.

Im an intern........so who do i meet? Other attorneys or professionals........these are people that i see when im working.

So to me, its not usual for a woman to be attracted to men she see on a daily basis.
Looks aside, I think the question being posed is:

What does being a "professional" have to do with love or being a good mate?

If a person loves you, treats you well, and helps sustain the household, does it matter if they are a "professional"? Isn't this just another artificial restriction that creates the impression of a man shortage?
yeah
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
Looks aside, I think the question being posed is:

What does being a "professional" have to do with love or being a good mate?

If a person loves you, treats you well, and helps sustain the household, does it matter if they are a "professional"? Isn't this just another artificial restriction that creates the impression of a man shortage?
yeah


good point. I asked earlier about whether education/professional level and love were even related. I think I asked that question in September, maybe one day someone will address it. Big Grin
ddouble said:

What does being a "professional" have to do with love or being a good mate?
------------------------------------------------

High social-status (and the perks that go along with it); this is important to alot of men/women when choosing a mate. For many, love for a potential mate can ONLY occur if all the superficial elements are "correct" (house, car, job, clothes, social-connections, etc). I'm not hatin, this is just how some men/women operate.
quote:
Originally posted by Max:
ddouble said:

What does being a "professional" have to do with love or being a good mate?
------------------------------------------------

High social-status (and the perks that go along with it); this is important to alot of men/women when choosing a mate. For many, love for a potential mate can ONLY occur if all the superficial elements are "correct" (house, car, job, clothes, social-connections, etc). I'm not hatin, this is just how some men/women operate.


High social status has nothing to do love IMO. Someone that craves a person's status before considering getting involved is not concerned with love. You called it right - it's superficial. Which is as far away from love as you can get.
quote:
(no matter what, i'll always have his back).......this has to do with the fact that he has an agenda, a purpose in life.

He may not make a lot of money.......but hes doing the best that he can, treating me with love and respect...............thats really all i could ask for

appl
Beautiful and down to earth tfro

quote:
in short when ladies say they want a man with a purpose, the unspoken message...he has to be a professional, CEO, banker, stockbroker etc.


That's the vibe I get. Like someone said, many woman say one thing but mean something else.

quote:
but who is consuming it, controlling it and making MOST of the money? MEN


But like you said women must make the choice regardless of this fact. So be careful.That would be like me acknowleding we live in world dominated by Whites and I go out and buck dance and ack like a stepinfecth degrading myself and my people.
See my post at 10:53am - I don't disagree with a mate possessing the ability to sustain (or help sustain) a household. That has NOTHING to do with being a professional though. There are many well-paid blue collar workers that are good dating prospects - it appears that there is a sentiment of classism in many posts here describing an ideal man though.
ddouble said:

High social status has nothing to do love IMO. Someone that craves a person's status before considering getting involved is not concerned with love. You called it right - it's superficial. Which is as far away from love as you can get.
------------------------------------------------

I understand what you're saying, and, yes, I guess if a person gives little thought to a potential-mate's intrinsic qualities then they are cheating themselves out of a fullfilling & meaningful connection. However, many people feel that in order to have strong feelings for a potential-mate, a number of conditions has to be met (from the way he/she looks, talk, act, think, dress, smell-yes, that's right, SMELL- etc.); that is, to say there are certain "hurdles that a person has to clear" before we consider sharing our life with him/her (short or long-term). Many of us have these "hurdles" arranged differently such that, some of us will only have superficial & financial "hurdles"; others will only have intrinsic "hurdles"; and others would have a mixture of both. (Of course, bear in mind that social relativity is always at work here- i.e. what I consider intrinsic, another person may consider superficial, but anyway...) Romantic Love - like it or not - is a conscious decision that is determined by a person's ability to live up to the standards of the person in search of Love...standards that are, oftentimes, status-related.

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