guys... like to share any experiences or insights?
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My wife would never allow it.
I've done it. No big deal.
Just remember that she has to split her time and that her main focus is (not to mention should be) her child/children.
Just remember that she has to split her time and that her main focus is (not to mention should be) her child/children.
I try to avoid it if I can - being childless myself.
All my life I've avoided it for reasons too numerous to even go into. But the older I get it becomes more and more unavoidable (I'd rather date a single mom than a woman between the ages of 18 and 22).
All I can say is she would have to be very, very special for me to deal with the inevitable complications (and she better be older than 22). If I had a choice, I would also prefer that the father be her ex-husband rather than her "baby-daddy".
All I can say is she would have to be very, very special for me to deal with the inevitable complications (and she better be older than 22). If I had a choice, I would also prefer that the father be her ex-husband rather than her "baby-daddy".
quote:Originally posted by Black Viking:
All my life I've avoided it for reasons too numerous to even go into. But the older I get it becomes more and more unavoidable (I'd rather date a single mom than a woman between the ages of 18 and 22).
All I can say is she would have to be very, very special for me to deal with the inevitable complications (and she better be older than 22). If I had a choice, I would also prefer that the father be her ex-husband rather than her "baby-daddy".
Ditto. The same here. The older I get, it becomes more and more unavoidable. I've dated single moms and it seems like the only other choices my age are the 30 something super-professional hyper-religious virgins... And these women are off limits for other reasons. So I now find myself looking at 20 somethings....
quote:Originally posted by HonestBrother:
I try to avoid it if I can - being childless myself.
Some of my worst experiences with dating were with single moms. Ugh..the awlful memories!
I would if she was of good character. But from experience, these sistas are either chicken heads,very busy professional or working women, or those single mothers thats ready to get married instantly
lol
lol
quote:Originally posted by ZAKAR:
I would if she was of good character. But from experience, these sistas are either chicken heads,very busy professional or working women, or those single mothers thats ready to get married instantly
lol
Why the "but?" Any of the women you listed could still be of good character.I think a lot of the apprehension is projection. You see a single women and immediately assume she is looking for a co-parent and judge it so.
well ideally they could all be women of good character but im going strictly from experience, and my experiences have been interesting to say the least.
Peace...
Have you considered that the yardstick with which you measure the character and stability of women may be tainted?
There are problems in every category (age or otherwise)... the question is what you are willing to tolerate.... or who is willing to tolerate you... (that's not a diss... just trying to be balanced...)... My point is that many women (and men) carry baggage... including those perceived to be too young to carry it... they are still sorting through life....
Be a beautiful man... and you will attract a beautiful woman... (inside and out-my brother...)
Peace,
Virtue
Ideally thats they way its suppose to work, a good man with a good woman, but often thats not the case in a world so complex and consumed by money and material things.I was looking at the Funeral Service of Coretta Scott King yesterday and there was an example of a great woman, which is beside every great man. I look at women like my mother my grandmother, the strong black women in my family who stood in Solidarity with their men. I guess being surrounded by strong black women who knew how to handle their storng black men,made me know waht a good woman is.
quote:Originally posted by ZAKAR:
Ideally thats they way its suppose to work, a good man with a good woman, but often thats not the case in a world so complex and consumed by money and material things.
A good man tends to attract a good woman.... People tend to look for in a mate what is comparable to their tolerances, principles and values... this is not a hard fast rule... it just gives one a view of the quality of the pool from which one seeks a mate....
quote:I was looking at the Funeral Service of Coretta Scott King yesterday and there was an example of a great woman, which is beside every great man. I look at women like my mother my grandmother, the strong black women in my family who stood in Solidarity with their men. I guess being surrounded by strong black women who knew how to handle their storng black men,made me know waht a good woman is.
May I ask for you to define, more specifically, what is a good woman to you?
Peace,
Virtue
MOST CERTAINLY. FIRST OF ALL A GOOD WOMAN IS DIGNIFIED, MEANING SHE CARRIES HERSELF WITH GRACE AND RESPECT. A GOOD WOMAN UNDERSTANDS WOMANHOOD, BECAUSE SHE WAS GROOMED BY ELDER WOMEN ON THE ROLE OF WOMEN AND HOW WOMEN RELATE TO MEN.A GOOD WOMAN IS INTELLIGENT, SHE IS CARING , SHE IS GIVING, SHE IS CONSCIOUS, AND MOST OF IMPORTANT OF ALL TO ME. A GOOD WOMAN OVERSTANDS THE PLIGHT OF BLACK PEOPLE AND IS A VANGUARD FOR THE BLACK FAMILY AS WELL AS A S WARRIOR IN THE THE STRUGGLE FOR SELF DETERMINATION OF AFRICAN PEOPLE. TO ME A GOOD WOMAN IS NOT ANY WOMAN BUT A BLACK WOMAN EXEMPLIFIES GRACE AND STRENGHT AT THE SAME TIME, SHE IS NOT OVERBEARING, SHE IS NOT TOO AGGRESSIVE, SHE KNOWS HOW TO HANDLE HERSELF IN ANY SITUATION. SHE SPEAKS HER MIND BUT DOESNT FORCE HERSELF ON OTHERS. SHE NEVER USES THE WORD INDEPENDENT BECAUSE SHE KNOW SHE CAN NEVER MAKE IT INDEPENDENT OF HER FAMILY, COMMUNITY AND PEOPLE AS A WHOLE, SHE KNOWS SHE IS A PART OF THE WHOLE, SHE UNDERTANDS THE CONCEPT "I AM BECAUSE WE ARE" THATS MY IDEA OF A GOOD WOMAN, A GOOD BLACK WOMAN I MUST ADD.
This woman you describe.... She will need a compliment to all that she is.... Are you he?
Peace,
Virtue
ABSOLUTELY I AM THE THE OTHER COMPLIMENTARY 180 AND WITH HER WE WOULD BE 360, COMPLETE
This is my point... like attracts like....
Be a beautiful brother... and you will attract a beautiful sister....
Your appearance of beauty of character, mind, soul and body will attract... the sincerity of it all will sustain....
This is not a "perfect" world... No... But there are natural principles that most tend to act on....
So the focus really should be inward..... and this will attract as well as direct one towards that which will bring them peace...
The problem is.... we often make decisions in the negative.... and in generalized ways....
This hurts us.... as a community...
Peace,
Virtue
what are you talkin about, I know what i am , and what i stand for, I have knowledge of self, my lady will have to have knowledge of self as well. Ive never had a problem getting women,corporate, blue collar or whatever, the points is to find someone with the same principles in life as you, some one you can converse with , grow with learn from. I dont believe in a fairytale or Eurocentric ideals of relationships. I believe in building relationships that makes strong families and strong communities,
quote:Originally posted by ZAKAR:
what are you talkin about, I know what i am , and what i stand for, I have knowledge of self, my lady will have to have knowledge of self as well.
Hmmm... I wasn't attacking you brother....
I was addressing points you've stated and that were stated by others.....
Peace,
Virtue
During the course of fifteen years of tending bar, in various venues (From corner "shot and a beer joint" to five-star restaurant. I have to disagree with the statement: "Like attracts like."
Though direct observation, I've noticed the opposite to be true. The players, exploiters, users and parasites tend to avoid each other. I've watched women elbow the "nice girls" aside to get to the guy with the status, and I've seen, too many times, the dogs move right in on the upstanding, righteous women.
When a woman is young, she has many options and as time passes, those options transfer to the males.
Though direct observation, I've noticed the opposite to be true. The players, exploiters, users and parasites tend to avoid each other. I've watched women elbow the "nice girls" aside to get to the guy with the status, and I've seen, too many times, the dogs move right in on the upstanding, righteous women.
When a woman is young, she has many options and as time passes, those options transfer to the males.
quote:Originally posted by thayfen:
During the course of fifteen years of tending bar, in various venues (From corner "shot and a beer joint" to five-star restaurant. I have to disagree with the statement: "Like attracts like."
Though direct observation, I've noticed the opposite to be true. The players, exploiters, users and parasites tend to avoid each other. I've watched women elbow the "nice girls" aside to get to the guy with the status, and I've seen, too many times, the dogs move right in on the upstanding, righteous women.
When a woman is young, she has many options and as time passes, those options transfer to the males.
Hmmmm.... Can't argue with your personal experience..... Therein lies the rub... doesn't it..? I was making generalizations.... from my experience....in my environment which is very religious.... "like attracts like" rings true.... even when not apparent...
For instance, I remember being shocked when hearing about Whitney Houston's marriage to Bobby Brown... but, her image is all I saw... she connects with Bobby in a way that wasn't readily apparent.... until now....
That said..... I think your point has validity.... but my own personal experience has taught me very well, that I draw to myself that which is within me.... and it is this I (consciously or unconsciously) display to others...... sigh... sometimes .... unfortunately....
As for age.... youth does present more options... and if you have time to read my thread "sister to sister" in the "Sista's Spot" section... you'll see that I advocate preparation for young girls to take advantage in the best way they can this opportunity...... making a mistake at that age can cost .... big...
But, I am in my early thirties (33).... and I and my friends have no problems (hopefully this is not too boastful)attracting the type of men that we could see ourselves in long term relationships with.....
I believe it is how one carries oneself externally....and how one thinks and feels internally..... whether one sends to the right person the scent of attraction.....
Peace,
Virtue
quote:Originally posted by thayfen:
When a woman is young, she has many options and as time passes, those options transfer to the males.
I said the same thing in the Sista's Spot and got railroaded.
Been there...done that...not something I recommend...to many issues come with children...it's like starting a relationship in the middle.
quote:Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
Been there...done that...not something I recommend...to many issues come with children...it's like starting a relationship in the middle.
I'm curious.... What issues?
Would you mind sharing more of your experience.... I always like to hear the other side of things......
Peace,
Virtue