Views on internet dating

quote:

Originally posted by CLARE:
What are your views on internet dating? e.g. Is it a good way to meet people? Do you think that the quality of people on internet dating sites is lower or the same as the people you meet 'naturally'?

Nice topic Clare,
I have actually participated in a little internet dating on several occassions. My experience is mixed with one being great and the others not so great. Overall, I think it is a great way to meet poeple if you are a busy career person. If one is seriously thinking of dating, it would better to consider sites like eharmony or match where detailed information about one's preferences etc is used to find a suitable mate. As to meeeting someone from the internet in person, I think it is best to go with your gut on that and perchance a meeting is set, it should be in a public place and one's friends should be aware of it.
Personally speaking, my best relationship experiences have been thru interaction with people aaround me at school or work. And at times, it comes along unexpectly.


Felix

i like the idea of internet dating because you get to ask for what you want upfront. there's no leaving that nonsense to chance. now people can always be untruthful, but for the most part at least you are able to say what you feel before you even meet. people can connect without relying solely on physical attractiveness, too. you can actually get to know each other first.

I have always said hell no i would never date anyone i met over the internet because you don't know who the person is they could be an axe murderer or a psycho but the person you meet in the street-at your childs basketball game or whatever could be psycho too-u never know. but i don't think i would do it because for me to date someone i have to be physcially attracted to them in some kind of way, I'm all about the personality and i absolutely love a man that makes me laugh but at the end of the day if i don't find you at least a little bit physically attractive-it ain't gonna work. Meeting people over the internet is a gamble because they could lie about what they look like or send you someone elses picture and you met them in person and they look like swamp thing!

little minx would you be able to connect with someone who looked like swamp thing?

dang. . .why it gotta be all that? swamp thing? geez.

but you know what? have you ever noticed that folks who seemed unattractive at first seem much more attractive once you get to know them?

hey, it could happen.

i think people you meet in person lie just as much as people on the internet. oh, she forgot to tell him that she got two kids and three baby daddy's, he forgot to mention that stint in a state correctional facility. some folks date for months and even years and never know the secrets their people are keeping. i don't think it makes it any more dangerous to meet someone on the internet. if you work it right, it's actually one of the safest ways if you ask me. you go from reading posts online, to chatting online, to chatting on the phone to meeting in a neutral location without making yourself too vulnerable.

I agree, little minx. It seems like a good way to sort through all those folks with drop dead boring personalities and craptastic views on life. Nothing worse than being attracted to someone's appearance, getting cozy with them and then a month into it it's like "You think WHAT about affirmative action?!?!... Please leave." On the internet, you can ask people up front all the things that never seem to come up early on in normal face-to-face conversations.

quote:

Originally posted by msprettygirl:
Meeting people over the internet is a gamble because they could lie about what they look like or send you someone elses picture and you met them in person and they look like swamp thing!

quote:

Originally posted by msprettygirl:

swamp thing!

Did she just say...

Naahhhh.....

Among the pluses with internet dating is that at least you know the members are serious about dating, and you do have the benefit of the screening out process; laying out what you want, while the other person lays out what they say they are.

And so what if they're lying? When you meet them, you learn if they look like the picture; if they don't, you just don't mess with them. Nobody said you have to marry Swamp Thing just because you agreed to meet him... (Damn, she did say Swamp Thing! LOLOL)

I would say it's worth a try. From my lack of luck at internet dating, it's clear that there must be a lot of supermen on there for y'all to choose from.

quote:

Originally posted by little minx:
dang. . .why it gotta be all that? swamp thing? geez.

but you know what? have you ever noticed that folks who seemed unattractive at first seem much more attractive once you get to know them?...

You do have a point about not finding someone attractive initally but then becoming attracted to them. I guess this whole thing reminded me of when a friend hooked me up with one of her boyfriends friends over the phone and we really clicked and he was really sweet and we talked for about a month and then met in person and i was like when i saw him. I said to myself that i could look past the physical and just be with him anyway, but it didn't work out. I stayed with him on and off for about 9 months. I wasn't attracted to him at all and often times felf ashamed to be in public with him. I found him utterly repulsive actually(i know i know it sounds so vain and mean but it is the thruth). he ended up falling in love with me but i wasn't feeling him like that. no matter how much of an intellictual connection we had i was just not attracted to him and then came along a man who i was attracted to physically, intellicutally etc..and you know the rest. It was just a big mess and instead of sticking it out because i was ashamed of myself for wanting to leave him alone because he was unattractive i know now the best then for me to do would have been to just nip it in the bud when i met him or soonly therafter before his feelings and emotions got involved but i felt bad about not wanting to be with him soley because of the way he looked so out of guilt i stayed in a relationship with him. we are goooood friends today and talk almost everyday but i can't be with him as boyfriend/girlfriend. I would be afraid to run into this kind of situation again if i tried internet dating but i am not completely closed to the idea either.

vox-don't ask me where i got swamp thing from i don't even know what put that in my head-sleep deprivation probably.

I've met on guy online and we dated about 6 months. He turned out to be a BIG liar (he should have had a gap in his teeth the size of the Grand Canyon, cuz he lied so dern much)I vowed to never get with another man online.

It's just another way to meet folks that like to keep secrets and I could meet them in person.

Now I use the net solely for entertainment purposes only. When I turn that mamma jamma off, they are lost in cyberspace and I like it like that.

The men that kill me are the ones that want to show you their wanky on the first chat. These online perverts kill me. And from what I hear the women can be a hot mess too showing their goods.

clare did u meet any in person?

I've always thought that I might try internet dating at some point, but I don't think I would use a dating site. There are plenty of forums, similar to this one where lots of flirting and matching up goes on. I would aim for making a compatible friend and expanding on it. I think before things went too far, I could find out if he's Swamp Thing or not. Hopefully.

clare;

unfortunately, no matter the circumstances it's always easier for a man to meet a decent woman than vice versa. that's just the way it is.

quote:

Originally posted by isistah:
I've always thought that I might try internet dating at some point, but I don't think I would use a dating site. There are plenty of forums, similar to this one where lots of flirting and matching up goes on. I would aim for making a compatible friend and expanding on it. I think before things went too far, I could find out if he's Swamp Thing or not. Hopefully.

ahhh ha I'm going to have ya'll using "swamp thing!"

quote:

Originally posted by little minx:
clare;

unfortunately, no matter the circumstances it's always easier for a man to meet a decent woman than vice versa. that's just the way it is.

Peace....

I suppose every one's situation is different....I have never been unable to befriend a decent man.....and I have high standards.....perhaps it may be hard for many because of the environment in which they are searching.....or in their manner of communication.......or their inability to discern and prioritize the minuses and pluses of a person.....I say this with all sincerity.....I have always been able to meet interesting, successful, attractive, available (although I am not),kind, spiritual men who treat women well......Perhaps it is necessary to be open to such a man, and to be in environments where there are shared interests .....

Uh....disclaimer....but since I have been married....such men are not met as often.....(okay? hubby? if you're reading this? )
Peace,
Virtue

quote:

Originally posted by msprettygirl:

quote:

Originally posted by little minx:
dang. . .why it gotta be all that? swamp thing? geez.

but you know what? have you ever noticed that folks who seemed unattractive at first seem much more attractive once you get to know them?...

You do have a point about not finding someone attractive initally but then becoming attracted to them. I guess this whole thing reminded me of when a friend hooked me up with one of her boyfriends friends over the phone and we really clicked and he was really sweet and we talked for about a month and then met in person and i was like when i saw him. I said to myself that i could look past the physical and just be with him anyway, but it didn't work out.

I've done online dating ... I agree ... Sometimes the transition from purely mental contact to physical contact can be jarring - even if the other person is physically attractive ... because your relationship has developed in a purely non-physical way ...

Every time I've done it (with exclusively African American sites), finding someone compatible meant dating someone in a different state (as in driving 5 hours away) ... and that introduces an entirely new down side ... I once maintained such a relationship for 6 months ... but it eventually became impossible ...

I probably won't do it (online dating) again.

I'm a big fan of internet dating. But, I think I look at dating a little differently than most people. To me, dating is supposed to be fun. I'm not trying to get all emotionally invested on the first date. I'm still getting to know them, and that's a part of the purpose of dating. I'm also not trying to get tied down either. One date does not a marriage make.

I view dating as a numbers game. There's only a handfull of women out there that will be compatible with me, and in order to find them I have to date as many women as possible. The internet allows me to reach the largest amount of women in the shortest amount of time.

My screening process is... barely. Someone who responds to me online has at least some interest, which means I have something to work with (the most painful way to waste your time is to chase someone who is not interested). On the first date, the thing I'm trying to do is gauge her interest in me. As was suggested earlier.. a short, inexpensive date in a neutral place is the best way to do this.

Then... move on to the next one. Until it's an exclusive relationship (which the vast majority of relationships never are), I'm free to roam as I will.

I also 100% agree with this...

quote:

Originally posted by little minx:
i think people you meet in person lie just as much as people on the internet. oh, she forgot to tell him that she got two kids and three baby daddy's, he forgot to mention that stint in a state correctional facility. some folks date for months and even years and never know the secrets their people are keeping. i don't think it makes it any more dangerous to meet someone on the internet.

People are no more or less full of shit online than they are in person.

But, I think the purpose of internet dating is to get in contact with people you wouldn't otherwise meet. Not to try and get to know them before meeting them. I don't even think that's possible. That's why my screening process is... barely. I rarely judge people by what they say anyway. It's what they do that counts with me. But, if we aren't in the same space, I'm not observing that for myself. I can only judge them by what they tell me! ROFL!

quote:

Originally posted by Black Viking:
People are no more or less full of shit online than they are in person.

I'm pretty much full of shyt in person too.

Ive done the internet dating before,3xs and it worked for me. I would definetly do it again!

I think internet dating is a great way to meet people being that there is a different level of communication and its not all about the physical aspects at first. However, a little bit more caution should go in it because many people do lie or stretch facts such as what they do for a living, their appearance, etc. As long as you're pretty open minded, internet dating is a good option.

I, too, have tried the online dating thing and I have run across some perverts, psychos, etc. But I'm not totally convinced that there aren't good, NORMAL people out here trying to meet other good, NORMAL people like me. LOL

I've had a few internet dates........and some of the men were decent.

Some are now 'friends'.....others i cut loose. I think the only thing.......is to be able to determine, whos a BS artist, or not.

Also a lot of married men are on these sites......so ladys be careful!

For those who have had happy internet dating experiences, do you use black dating sites and which sites do you recommend?

Went on a few from the internet..

Same as meeting them offline..

Some are alright...some you want to export to the dark side of Jupiter and hope for a meteor shower to hit them once they get there.

quote:

Originally posted by HonestBrother:
For those who have had happy internet dating experiences, do you use black dating sites and which sites do you recommend?

No, I don't use Black dating sites. I use Yahoo because the numbers are large, and any preferences you have can be found there in droves.

I restrict my searches by age group normally (23-40), and distance (any woman outside of the state just isn't going to work for me). Beyond that, I just weed out the ones that list preferences that don't fit me. There are some things that get women deleted immediately, particularly income or religious requirements. Anyone who requires that their date be "equally yoked" gets cut, as well as anyone who requires their date to make a certain yearly salary. Whatever that number is doesn't matter. I have noticed, with quite a lot of amusement, how many women seem to require that their potential partner make three or four times more money than they do.

quote:

Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
Went on a few from the internet..

Same as meeting them offline..

Some are alright...some you want to export to the dark side of Jupiter and hope for a meteor shower to hit them once they get there.

Yep, same here. Meeting people online isn't that different from meeting them in person. Anyone you're meeting in person could be married, or a mercenary, or a user, or a psycho. The internet is no different. You just have to keep your glasses on... so to speak.

quote:

Originally posted by Black Viking:

I restrict my searches by age group normally (23-40).

Dang, Black Viking--23 to 40.

You like 'em young and old.

quote:

Originally posted by Tre:

quote:

Originally posted by Black Viking:

I restrict my searches by age group normally (23-40).

Dang, Black Viking--23 to 40.

You like 'em young and old.

Well, I look at it this way...

I'm 29 years old. I know who I am and what I want. I want a woman who knows the same. I've never met a woman younger than 23 who has any idea who she is or what she wants... and really 23 is a stretch. Late 20's is better.

I also want children, and I've never met a woman over 40 that wants to have children (or more children). Again, 40 is probably a stretch. Early 30's is better.

However, I keep my parameters fairly broad because... you just never know.

quote:

Originally posted by Black Viking:
Early 30's is better.

Well, I'm past that, so I guess I'm out of the running.

quote:

Originally posted by Tre:

quote:

Originally posted by Black Viking:
Early 30's is better.

Well, I'm past that, so I guess I'm out of the running.

Are you over 40? If you are, do you want children (or more children)?

Like I said, you just never know...

quote:

Originally posted by Black Viking:
Are you over 40?

Not quite

If you are, do you want children (or more children)? Would love children--boys.

Like I said, you just never know...

Hurray!