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In this day and age you would think this wouldn't go on. But having experienced it and seen it happen to other family member and friends.

I watched an episode of Dr. Phil and it had women who got pregnant to "trap" their husbands. Of course the husbands now resent her and the marriage. I've seen women who are married and the husband is not ready for children but they "beat him up" until he gives in only to resent having to give up personal wants for the child.

So is this a sign of mental illness? What possess a grown woman ( not just young girls) to deliberately get pregnant or lie about her desires for children. Confused
_______________________ "Morality cannot be legislated but behaviour can be regulated. Judicial decrees may not change the heart but they can restrain the heartless." Martin Luther King.
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quote:
Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
In this day and age you would think this wouldn't go on. But having experienced it and seen it happen to other family member and friends.

I watched an episode of Dr. Phil and it had women who got pregnant to "trap" their husbands. Of course the husbands now resent them and the marriage.

So is this a sign of mental illness? What possess a grown woman ( not just young girls) to deliberately get pregnant or lie about her desires for children. Confused


I have never respected any woman who does that - I DO consider it a mental illness. Be very afraid....

td6
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quote:
Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
In this day and age you would think this wouldn't go on. But having experienced it and seen it happen to other family member and friends.

I watched an episode of Dr. Phil and it had women who got pregnant to "trap" their husbands. Of course the husbands now resent her and the marriage. I've seen women who are married and the husband is not ready for children but they "beat him up" until he gives in only to resent having to give up personal wants for the child.

So is this a sign of mental illness? What possess a grown woman ( not just young girls) to deliberately get pregnant or lie about her desires for children. Confused


Trapping a man into marriage is a game that white women play. No black woman, that I know of would do anything like that. Let's face it, if a black woman becomes pregnant by a man, HE IS NOT GOING TO MARRY HER.

White people usually tie the knot for the sake of the child. There are misbegotten black children all over the place and that is because black men don't take responsibility for their children.

When the average SINGLE black woman gets pregnant, she expects to do it alone.

And white women that get knocked up to hold onto a man have self-esteem issues.
What is going on in this thread?!?! TRAP A MAN?!?! What would possess a woman to "get pregnant" to keep a man? The better question is what the Hell would possess a man to repeatedly splash off inside a woman without protection if he doesn't want kids! She doesn't get pregnant by herself.

My mother always says: "If you're having sex, you want kids." Unless you live in a cave in Tora Bora somewhere, you know what sex leads to and that there's a chance that by doing what you are doing, you could produce a child. So there's no excuses or suprises about it.

Don't want kids? Stop fucking.
Spouse wants kids and you don't? Get a divorce.
If you give in? Tough shit. Better luck next lifetime.
Tis quite simple.

No sympathy from me for people who claim to be all oppressed 'n shit because they produced a child by that strange, mystical method shrouded in secrecy, of..... *drumroll*..... having heterosexual sex.
"Trapping a man into marriage is a game that white women play. No black woman, that I know of would do anything like that. Let's face it, if a black woman becomes pregnant by a man, HE IS NOT GOING TO MARRY HER."
While I agree with some of what you say, I have to disagree with a lot as well. I have just spent a miserable christmas surrounded by many nieces and nephews who are not married (with the exception of two) who don't need children, yet have them. All I hear at family gatherings is how they hate their baby (insert mama or daddy), etc. I say that could have been prevented. Right now, all of my nieces and nephews who have children, I babysat them as small children over twenty years ago. Now I am babysitting them. And the tragic thing is that when the boy has been trapped, the marriage doesn't work. One of my nephews, who married his girlfriend, a long time ago, and we know the first child is not his, and maybe not the others, is getting a divorce. He is in the navy and she does not want to join him. He was even pushed up on the housing list after the hurricane and got a house, she went to stay with him and then left him. She always want to drop the kids off by my sister's (his mother) and run the streets. My sister finally got sick of it and began to tell her no.


"White people usually tie the knot for the sake of the child. There are misbegotten black children all over the place and that is because black men don't take responsibility for their children."
This is also true, but I think a lot of people regardless of color will not get married, usually young people. And those who do try to do the right thing, sometimes it works and sometimes it don't. One of my nieces got married last year to her second baby daddy, the first one does not claim the child, which is cool to us, because her hubby treats the second child like his own. He is the child of divorce, so he learned that he has to take responsibility. He is a good man, and has a good job. The only thing is that they have moved far away and we don't get to see the kids. My hubby and i babysat the kids all the time whenever they had church functions. They have a 9 month old, 1 1/2 year old and six year old.

"When the average SINGLE black woman gets pregnant, she expects to do it alone. " And I don't know why. But then again, she does get the babyshower because it isn't shameful as it used to be. When my sisters got pregnant, seeing them get in trouble was the ultimate form of birth control. I learned to be careful. Hell, I forged my mom's name to take sex education.

"And white women that get knocked up to hold onto a man have self-esteem issues.[/QUOTE]" I think all women who do that have self-esteem issues, it's not just white women, it's all who do it.
trap a man by getting pregnant? that's really funny. first of all, that simply doesn't work. i don't know of any woman who got pregnant to get a man to marry her. in the end the only one trapped by an unexpected pregnancy outside of marriage is the woman. the man continues to do what he wants while she sits home collecting stretch marks and then sitting with her baby alone.

in fact, if we're talking about a trap, i've heard that men like it when a woman has his baby out of wedlock. that means that he can continue to have sex with her and he knows that she'll always want to make them a family. no matter what he does, she had his baby, and he can keep having sex with her, and running around with other women because it's almost like a brand of ownership, "my baby momma". he knows he can always play the "let's get married and/or be a family card" to manipulate her. i'm not saying that some women don't use the baby to manipulate a man, by say, withholding visitation (if he really cares). but i'm just pointing out that the manipulation in this situation can certainly and usually go both ways.

and don't get started on child support. that fifty dollars per month that he pays doesn't pay for shit. a baby/child costs way more than most men will ever contribute in child support.

so in conclusion, i sign off on frenchy's quote. and i say that the only one who gets trapped is the woman and most importantly the baby. because they too often end up being statistics of a fatherless home.
Unfortunately, I know several girls/women that have tried to trap a man with a baby. Four of them (just off the top of my head) have admitted it to me! Eek I have known it to work ... well, no times, yet ... but there is one that looks like it's going to happen, (the first baby is 5 and the second one is on the way) and I'm real hopeful that this marriage will first take place, and then work! Smile

From what I have heard from those that did it, it was a way to get married, first and foremost. Second was to be able to keep the daddy forever in this nice, little married kind of format, because he was the one and she was in love. Most of them accepted the role of single parent pretty well and did their best to raise well-rounded kids. Only a couple haven't succeeded.

I have also heard as a reason for doing it was to get him away from some other woman who was "competition" for his effection. That really went badly, because he married the other woman! Eek

I have two younger cousins, both of who are in their later 20's who swear the pregnancy was an accident. (And I believe them.) Both swore they didn't need the baby's daddy and neither fathers were around during the pregnancy. Now, one child is turning 3 and the other just turned 2. Both of them have reconciled with the father -- both reunions initiated by demands for child support after the baby was born!! Eek It started with the visitation ... then "family" outings. I'm not saying either was a trap ... but both stated that they would love to be married to these men and doing the family thing, since it's already kinda started.

What usually possesses a girl/woman to do it? She thinks she's in love ... deep, everlasting, forever, soulmate kind of love. That's particularly sad when the girl is still a teenager, because she has no way of knowing. For more grow-up type ... mental illness is as good an excuse if any, I guess. sck
quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
I have also heard as a reason for doing it was to get him away from some other woman who was "competition" for his effection. That really went badly, because he married the other woman! Eek


well you know me, EbonyRose, so you will laugh rather than bite, if I say, at first glance... I thought this said "competion" for his erection... Eek lol.
maybe I just need a good laugh Big Grin... or a good... ? Confused
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"Trapping a man" is an antiquated notion stemming from the days when unwed mothers and their offspring were ostracized by their friends, some family, the church, and were isolated and alone. The "honorable" thing to do if a man impregnated a woman was to "make an honest woman out of her" by marrying her.

It used to work very well, but now there is little stigma in being a single mother and even less in being an uninvolved father.

Women do actually use that tactic and I, like Ebony Rose, am acquainted with some who have. IMHO, the difference between then and now is that back then, two people really loved each other and birth control was not very reliable. Many children can view their parents marriage license, do the math, and realize that the marriage was subsequent to the conception. That was not entrapment.

With all of the ways to avoid pregnancy and the difficulty in finding a suitable mate in the first place, some misguided and desparate women believe that getting pregnant can lead to marriage. The irony is that some women believe this even if the man in question already has children without benefit of marriage.

Just another glaring example of how the family unit is deteriorating.
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
Don't want kids? Tis quite simple. Stop fucking (or wear a rubber). No sympathy from me for people who claim to be all oppressed 'n shit because they produced a child.


thanks

To add to your statement, it is beyond pathetic that some men still subscribe to the idea of being "trapped" into being fathers. Please. A child is not some condition that you neglected to read in a contract. Given the ideas of parental responsibility that some of us have developed, I truly feel sorry for today's youth. Frown
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