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In this day and age you would think this wouldn't go on. But having experienced it and seen it happen to other family member and friends.

I watched an episode of Dr. Phil and it had women who got pregnant to "trap" their husbands. Of course the husbands now resent her and the marriage. I've seen women who are married and the husband is not ready for children but they "beat him up" until he gives in only to resent having to give up personal wants for the child.

So is this a sign of mental illness? What possess a grown woman ( not just young girls) to deliberately get pregnant or lie about her desires for children. Confused
_______________________ "Morality cannot be legislated but behaviour can be regulated. Judicial decrees may not change the heart but they can restrain the heartless." Martin Luther King.
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quote:
Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
In this day and age you would think this wouldn't go on. But having experienced it and seen it happen to other family member and friends.

I watched an episode of Dr. Phil and it had women who got pregnant to "trap" their husbands. Of course the husbands now resent them and the marriage.

So is this a sign of mental illness? What possess a grown woman ( not just young girls) to deliberately get pregnant or lie about her desires for children. Confused


I have never respected any woman who does that - I DO consider it a mental illness. Be very afraid....

td6
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quote:
Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
In this day and age you would think this wouldn't go on. But having experienced it and seen it happen to other family member and friends.

I watched an episode of Dr. Phil and it had women who got pregnant to "trap" their husbands. Of course the husbands now resent her and the marriage. I've seen women who are married and the husband is not ready for children but they "beat him up" until he gives in only to resent having to give up personal wants for the child.

So is this a sign of mental illness? What possess a grown woman ( not just young girls) to deliberately get pregnant or lie about her desires for children. Confused


Trapping a man into marriage is a game that white women play. No black woman, that I know of would do anything like that. Let's face it, if a black woman becomes pregnant by a man, HE IS NOT GOING TO MARRY HER.

White people usually tie the knot for the sake of the child. There are misbegotten black children all over the place and that is because black men don't take responsibility for their children.

When the average SINGLE black woman gets pregnant, she expects to do it alone.

And white women that get knocked up to hold onto a man have self-esteem issues.
What is going on in this thread?!?! TRAP A MAN?!?! What would possess a woman to "get pregnant" to keep a man? The better question is what the Hell would possess a man to repeatedly splash off inside a woman without protection if he doesn't want kids! She doesn't get pregnant by herself.

My mother always says: "If you're having sex, you want kids." Unless you live in a cave in Tora Bora somewhere, you know what sex leads to and that there's a chance that by doing what you are doing, you could produce a child. So there's no excuses or suprises about it.

Don't want kids? Stop fucking.
Spouse wants kids and you don't? Get a divorce.
If you give in? Tough shit. Better luck next lifetime.
Tis quite simple.

No sympathy from me for people who claim to be all oppressed 'n shit because they produced a child by that strange, mystical method shrouded in secrecy, of..... *drumroll*..... having heterosexual sex.
"Trapping a man into marriage is a game that white women play. No black woman, that I know of would do anything like that. Let's face it, if a black woman becomes pregnant by a man, HE IS NOT GOING TO MARRY HER."
While I agree with some of what you say, I have to disagree with a lot as well. I have just spent a miserable christmas surrounded by many nieces and nephews who are not married (with the exception of two) who don't need children, yet have them. All I hear at family gatherings is how they hate their baby (insert mama or daddy), etc. I say that could have been prevented. Right now, all of my nieces and nephews who have children, I babysat them as small children over twenty years ago. Now I am babysitting them. And the tragic thing is that when the boy has been trapped, the marriage doesn't work. One of my nephews, who married his girlfriend, a long time ago, and we know the first child is not his, and maybe not the others, is getting a divorce. He is in the navy and she does not want to join him. He was even pushed up on the housing list after the hurricane and got a house, she went to stay with him and then left him. She always want to drop the kids off by my sister's (his mother) and run the streets. My sister finally got sick of it and began to tell her no.


"White people usually tie the knot for the sake of the child. There are misbegotten black children all over the place and that is because black men don't take responsibility for their children."
This is also true, but I think a lot of people regardless of color will not get married, usually young people. And those who do try to do the right thing, sometimes it works and sometimes it don't. One of my nieces got married last year to her second baby daddy, the first one does not claim the child, which is cool to us, because her hubby treats the second child like his own. He is the child of divorce, so he learned that he has to take responsibility. He is a good man, and has a good job. The only thing is that they have moved far away and we don't get to see the kids. My hubby and i babysat the kids all the time whenever they had church functions. They have a 9 month old, 1 1/2 year old and six year old.

"When the average SINGLE black woman gets pregnant, she expects to do it alone. " And I don't know why. But then again, she does get the babyshower because it isn't shameful as it used to be. When my sisters got pregnant, seeing them get in trouble was the ultimate form of birth control. I learned to be careful. Hell, I forged my mom's name to take sex education.

"And white women that get knocked up to hold onto a man have self-esteem issues.[/QUOTE]" I think all women who do that have self-esteem issues, it's not just white women, it's all who do it.
trap a man by getting pregnant? that's really funny. first of all, that simply doesn't work. i don't know of any woman who got pregnant to get a man to marry her. in the end the only one trapped by an unexpected pregnancy outside of marriage is the woman. the man continues to do what he wants while she sits home collecting stretch marks and then sitting with her baby alone.

in fact, if we're talking about a trap, i've heard that men like it when a woman has his baby out of wedlock. that means that he can continue to have sex with her and he knows that she'll always want to make them a family. no matter what he does, she had his baby, and he can keep having sex with her, and running around with other women because it's almost like a brand of ownership, "my baby momma". he knows he can always play the "let's get married and/or be a family card" to manipulate her. i'm not saying that some women don't use the baby to manipulate a man, by say, withholding visitation (if he really cares). but i'm just pointing out that the manipulation in this situation can certainly and usually go both ways.

and don't get started on child support. that fifty dollars per month that he pays doesn't pay for shit. a baby/child costs way more than most men will ever contribute in child support.

so in conclusion, i sign off on frenchy's quote. and i say that the only one who gets trapped is the woman and most importantly the baby. because they too often end up being statistics of a fatherless home.
Unfortunately, I know several girls/women that have tried to trap a man with a baby. Four of them (just off the top of my head) have admitted it to me! Eek I have known it to work ... well, no times, yet ... but there is one that looks like it's going to happen, (the first baby is 5 and the second one is on the way) and I'm real hopeful that this marriage will first take place, and then work! Smile

From what I have heard from those that did it, it was a way to get married, first and foremost. Second was to be able to keep the daddy forever in this nice, little married kind of format, because he was the one and she was in love. Most of them accepted the role of single parent pretty well and did their best to raise well-rounded kids. Only a couple haven't succeeded.

I have also heard as a reason for doing it was to get him away from some other woman who was "competition" for his effection. That really went badly, because he married the other woman! Eek

I have two younger cousins, both of who are in their later 20's who swear the pregnancy was an accident. (And I believe them.) Both swore they didn't need the baby's daddy and neither fathers were around during the pregnancy. Now, one child is turning 3 and the other just turned 2. Both of them have reconciled with the father -- both reunions initiated by demands for child support after the baby was born!! Eek It started with the visitation ... then "family" outings. I'm not saying either was a trap ... but both stated that they would love to be married to these men and doing the family thing, since it's already kinda started.

What usually possesses a girl/woman to do it? She thinks she's in love ... deep, everlasting, forever, soulmate kind of love. That's particularly sad when the girl is still a teenager, because she has no way of knowing. For more grow-up type ... mental illness is as good an excuse if any, I guess. sck
quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
I have also heard as a reason for doing it was to get him away from some other woman who was "competition" for his effection. That really went badly, because he married the other woman! Eek


well you know me, EbonyRose, so you will laugh rather than bite, if I say, at first glance... I thought this said "competion" for his erection... Eek lol.
maybe I just need a good laugh Big Grin... or a good... ? Confused
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"Trapping a man" is an antiquated notion stemming from the days when unwed mothers and their offspring were ostracized by their friends, some family, the church, and were isolated and alone. The "honorable" thing to do if a man impregnated a woman was to "make an honest woman out of her" by marrying her.

It used to work very well, but now there is little stigma in being a single mother and even less in being an uninvolved father.

Women do actually use that tactic and I, like Ebony Rose, am acquainted with some who have. IMHO, the difference between then and now is that back then, two people really loved each other and birth control was not very reliable. Many children can view their parents marriage license, do the math, and realize that the marriage was subsequent to the conception. That was not entrapment.

With all of the ways to avoid pregnancy and the difficulty in finding a suitable mate in the first place, some misguided and desparate women believe that getting pregnant can lead to marriage. The irony is that some women believe this even if the man in question already has children without benefit of marriage.

Just another glaring example of how the family unit is deteriorating.
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
Don't want kids? Tis quite simple. Stop fucking (or wear a rubber). No sympathy from me for people who claim to be all oppressed 'n shit because they produced a child.


thanks

To add to your statement, it is beyond pathetic that some men still subscribe to the idea of being "trapped" into being fathers. Please. A child is not some condition that you neglected to read in a contract. Given the ideas of parental responsibility that some of us have developed, I truly feel sorry for today's youth. Frown
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quote:
Originally posted by Fine:
Why would any woman subsribe to this practice?


The "practice" is nonexistent. Unless he is mentally disabled, a grown-ass man should know that if he nuts inside a woman that he is likely to have a child. The idea of "trapping" a man, in my view, is yet another sexist concept used to excuse men from the responsibility of avoiding irresponsible sex. A MAN does not make excuses or expect others to reap the consequences of his actions. A MAN acknowledges his contribution to the consequence and plans a course of action. A boy thinks that he has been "trapped" and that its the women's fault for "getting pregnant," as if getting pregnant is something she can accomplish alone. To anyone who feels they were "trapped" into being a father, I say GROW UP!
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quote:
The idea of "trapping" a man, in my view, is yet another sexist concept used to excuse men from the responsibility of avoiding irresponsible sex. A MAN does not make excuses or expect others to reap the consequences of his actions. A MAN acknowledges his contribution to the consequence and plans a course of action.


Yes BUT what IS irresponsible sex?
Sex without a condom, certainly. But condoms or IUD's aren't a 100% guarantee contraceptive against pregnancy - and neither is the Pill.

Trapping is a desperate and stupid tactic, but let's face it, it does still happen.

However, in my view it IS still the woman's body and therefore the woman's responsibility to make sure she is using contraceptives.

Some women do decide to fall pregnant (consciously or unconsciously) hoping this will endear the male, forge a lifelong connection, or make him feel responsible/tied to her. It's pathetic, but it does happen.

And aside from using condoms (which aren't totally reliable) how does a man really know? He has to trust the woman.
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
What is going on in this thread?!?! TRAP A MAN?!?! The better question is what the Hell would possess a man to repeatedly splash off inside a woman without protection if he doesn't want kids! She doesn't get pregnant by herself.

My mother always says: "If you're having sex, you want kids."

Don't want kids? Stop fucking.

Tis quite simple.

No sympathy from me for people who claim to be all oppressed 'n shit because they produced a child by that strange, mystical method shrouded in secrecy, of.....


Ummm... but....
On one hand you say "adults fuck, get over it" but if "adults fuck" then you also appear to say "fuck them if they conceive a child". Hello?

I'd feel REAL sorry for any woman who took responsibility and used the Pill responsibly and then found herself pregnant.
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quote:
Originally posted by art_gurl:
Yes BUT what IS irresponsible sex?


Sex without the intelligence/emotional ability to handle the reprocussions. If you know about condoms and birth control, then you know that they can fail. Can't deal with the prospects? Stop fucking. Or don't start until you are.

quote:
Trapping is a desperate and stupid tactic, but let's face it, it does still happen.


You cannot trap a man who is not having sex with you. If he knows he doesn't want kids, he needs to keep it in his pants. If she doesn't want kids, keep your legs shut. There's no trap. It takes both the woman and the man to produce it. The woman can't be the only one to take responsibility for its conception.

quote:
However, in my view it IS still the woman's body and therefore the woman's responsibility to make sure she is using contraceptives.

OMG. ek Contraception is the responsibility of both parties.

quote:
Some women do decide to fall pregnant (consciously or unconsciously) hoping this will endear the male, forge a lifelong connection, or make him feel responsible/tied to her.


She can't "fall pregnant" alone. What she hopes to get from having children is irrelevant. The man is a willing party in the sex and can't shrug off responsibility for bringing conception about.

quote:
And aside from using condoms (which aren't totally reliable) how does a man really know? He has to trust the woman.

Is this man retarded? Or does he have two broken arms? He does have complete control over where he puts his own penis.
quote:
Originally posted by art_gurl:
Ummm... but....
On one hand you say "adults fuck, get over it" but if "adults fuck" then you also appear to say "fuck them if they conceive a child". Hello?

I don't say "Fuck them." I simply don't feel sorry for them. Sex produces babies. There's no room for anger/disbelief when it actually occurs.

quote:
I'd feel REAL sorry for any woman who took responsibility and used the Pill responsibly and then found herself pregnant.


I wouldn't. Because unless she lives under a rock, she knows the pill isn't 100% effective before she ever takes a single dose. And so does the man.
In my late and very sheltered teens, I was 'in the room' when a young woman had a miscarriage in the kichen of a home I was visiting.

There was pandamonium.

The boy-man who was the expectant father was standing there screaming "I didn't mean it!!' The woman of the house was screaming, 'See what 'chu did!!!' The young woman was screaming bloody murder.

The 'boy-man' turned and dashed out the door, and down the street.

The women 'fell out' laughing.

I'm standing in the doorway to kitchen wondering what is going on.

The woman of the house open bloody towel and said, 'It's a turkey liver.'

PEACE

Jim Chester
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
What is going on in this thread?!?! TRAP A MAN?!?! What would possess a woman to "get pregnant" to keep a man? The better question is what the Hell would possess a man to repeatedly splash off inside a woman without protection if he doesn't want kids! She doesn't get pregnant by herself.

My mother always says: "If you're having sex, you want kids." Unless you live in a cave in Tora Bora somewhere, you know what sex leads to and that there's a chance that by doing what you are doing, you could produce a child. So there's no excuses or suprises about it.

Don't want kids? Stop fucking.
Spouse wants kids and you don't? Get a divorce.
If you give in? Tough shit. Better luck next lifetime.
Tis quite simple.

No sympathy from me for people who claim to be all oppressed 'n shit because they produced a child by that strange, mystical method shrouded in secrecy, of..... *drumroll*..... having heterosexual sex.


Exactly !!!
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
quote:
Originally posted by art_gurl:
Yes BUT what IS irresponsible sex?


Sex without the intelligence/emotional ability to handle the reprocussions. If you know about condoms and birth control, then you know that they can fail. Can't deal with the prospects? Stop fucking. Or don't start until you are.

quote:
Trapping is a desperate and stupid tactic, but let's face it, it does still happen.


You cannot trap a man who is not having sex with you. If he knows he doesn't want kids, he needs to keep it in his pants. If she doesn't want kids, keep your legs shut. There's no trap. It takes both the woman and the man to produce it. The woman can't be the only one to take responsibility for its conception.

quote:
However, in my view it IS still the woman's body and therefore the woman's responsibility to make sure she is using contraceptives.

OMG. ek Contraception is the responsibility of both parties.

quote:
Some women do decide to fall pregnant (consciously or unconsciously) hoping this will endear the male, forge a lifelong connection, or make him feel responsible/tied to her.


She can't "fall pregnant" alone. What she hopes to get from having children is irrelevant. The man is a willing party in the sex and can't shrug off responsibility for bringing conception about.

quote:
And aside from using condoms (which aren't totally reliable) how does a man really know? He has to trust the woman.

Is this man retarded? Or does he have two broken arms? He does have complete control over where he puts his own penis.


YOu are on point !!!
quote:
Originally posted by art_gurl:
Frenchy and Rowe...let me get this straight?

You're saying total abstinence, or, motherhood...right? Eek
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That's not my argument. My argument is for men (in this situation) to take responsibility for their part in making the child. Don't nut in a woman, then when she tells you that she is pregnant, play dumb like you don't "what happened." I would also strongly advise men against relying solely on birth control pills as a method of birth control. Women forget to take their pills, birth control pills are not 100% effective (I happen to know someone who became pregnant with her husband using birth control pills, religiously), and most importantly, birth control pills cannot protect you or your partner from contracting sexually-trasmitted diseases.
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by James Wesley
The woman of the house open bloody towel and said, 'It's a turkey liver.'


Ok, listen Brother James, what is this about? Are you in one of you rarely-seen joking moods again. Because if you are, this is not a funny one. Confused


As a matter of fact, I thought it was very 'on point'.

The women involved thought it was hilarious. No one ever told the guy the event was fake.

He, the guy, the kid, was devastated.

Was he 'trapped'?

I think so.

P.S. What in my post led you to conclude that I, personally, thought the incident was ha-ha funny, then or now??


PEACE

Jim Chester
quote:
Originally posted by James Wesley
As a matter of fact, I thought it was very 'on point'. The women involved thought it was hilarious. No one ever told the guy the event was fake. He, the guy, the kid, was devastated. Was he 'trapped'? I think so.


The way you're viewing trapped is a little different from how many of us in this thread are viewing it. The young man in this scenerio was the victim of a cruel prank. He was not trapped. In any event, it really does not matter what scenerio is provided. The young man in this case was old enough to know how children are produced. Therefore, many men's idea of being "trapped" would be more accurately described as a mistake of irresponsibility. Too often, men will opt to blame women for "getting pregnant" rather than simply admitting to having made a mistake of irresponsibility. Again, there are ways to prevent pregnancy, and anyone who doesn't desire children at this time should use them, and be consistent about it.
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quote:
Originally posted by MidLifeMan:

So is this a sign of mental illness? What possess a grown woman ( not just young girls) to deliberately get pregnant or lie about her desires for children. Confused


1. I don't think it is a sign of a mental illness, just a reality check. Older women that desire motherhood have to do whatever it takes to get to that goal...and time is running out.

2. I think that older women have to 'fall in line' when it comes with their desire to be a wife and mom. I know from personal experiences in dating women well over 30 that marriage/child questions on a first or second date is a real downer!! But what choice does she really have? I mean if she is losing her fertility and wants motherhood...how does she get that done?? adoption and fostercare...are often very last resorts. Time, unfortunately, is not on her side here. But dont cry for her Argentina...just think about the arrogance of many of those same women when they were much younger. I guess in this instance, we can all agree that for the most part, life is fair Smile I guess Ms. 35 and up needs to 'lie' just to stay in the game...Good luck with that!! Smile
There was this guy who claimed to have only had oral with his ex.

After they broke up, she claimed she was pregnant and that the child was his. And it was.

He claimed that, unbeknownst to him at the time, she was saving the condoms and trying to using the cum to impregnate herself.

That might be true. It might be a lie. Let's just say that's what happened.

Should he be responsible for the upbringing of the child?

Should she be charged for what she did?
A woman can manipulate a man... it's possible....

if one is emotionally vulnerable and trusting, then decisions are made under the guise of trust..... a woman may claim to be taking birth control..... a woman may claim she's on the rhythm method..... and in a relationship sometimes a level of trust is established to warrant a man to make such decisions...

It is ultimately both parties responsibility.... but in reality, men get duped just like women some time....

the consequence of this is usually dire.... but doesn't have to be...

assigning blame here to any party IMO is non productive.... there are so many different scenarios that come to play....

I think the ultimate advice has been given... and that is for each individual engaged in premarital sex, in particular, but intimate relations in general need to secure protection.....



Peace,
Khalliqa
The whole nature of how western women love is entrapment.

Why do you think they put on so much make-up and fake shit? To trap and man.

Then, she gets him and he gets to watch her ass drop when she takes off those tight stretch-pants, bumps and discoloration on her face when she removes the make-up, breasts drop when the bra is gone (smaller, too), she's ALOT shorter without those heels, hair texture is actually coarser than it looks once she sweats out her perm or removes her weave, she don't really smell like that if she don't keep a bottle of something handy, her lips ain't NEARLY as succulent without gloss, no fingernails once they pop off, etc.

It's the biggest lie and the single most dishonest thing in our society - we don't even know what you really look like.

You don't, either.

But, you're lying to us to trap us and you'll be slamming him to marry you so, he'll be stuck. Like vultures, all painted up and desperate and LYING EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.

I think a more honest approach to men and love - starting with being honest with yourself.

Think about it this way:

If you DO catch a man with all the trickery, he'll realized that what was on the outside of the box ain't what's on the inside and have contempt for you and resent being stuck with you and he'll cheat and/or leave.

Women make their owns beds. If you ain't that hot and you paint up and dress up and become hot and pull a hot guy - he's gonna be PISSED when he realizes he's been trapped with you and you ain't even on his level.

What if YOU met a nice buff guy, bulging crotch, perfect hair and skin and married him to find out he's wearing padded shirts and drawls and a wig?

Feel me? It's wrong - so, women are snagging men for the wrong reasons. There's no happy ending to that scenario, just heartache and dysfunction and kids in the middle (maybe, ugly kids, at that...)
quote:
Originally posted by El Tigre:
The whole nature of how western women love is entrapment.

Why do you think they put on so much make-up and fake shit? To trap and man.

Then, she gets him and he gets to watch her ass drop when she takes off those tight stretch-pants, bumps and discoloration on her face when she removes the make-up, breasts drop when the bra is gone (smaller, too), she's ALOT shorter without those heels, hair texture is actually coarser than it looks once she sweats out her perm or removes her weave, she don't really smell like that if she don't keep a bottle of something handy, her lips ain't NEARLY as succulent without gloss, no fingernails once they pop off, etc.

It's the biggest lie and the single most dishonest thing in our society - we don't even know what you really look like.


lol what a load of bs
...and you claim "all my women have degrees" in another post... laugh what in?
If you prefer women ungroomed, unkempt, and make-up free just say so, not go on with this nonsense.

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