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quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:

Funny that you mentioned 'black' love..I was at work last night, speaking with a young female Captain during some down time and she said "black love is oxymoronic, like black unity". You can tell she is done; and she's not a bad looking sista either. I have to admit, I feel the same way. I'm sure that black women look at me and if they find me attractive, they think "He'll have issues just like all niggas" and press on..hey, I cant blame them; think of numero uno first. But oh well, thats life, and I can't change things, so my advice to everyone is this: Dont dwell on it, you'll only get an ulcer and a big ass medical bill. giveup



I think when a person has no issues, have never been in love........or in a bad relationship, its confusing, why this is happening.

But i agree......its best not to dwell on it....
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:

Funny that you mentioned 'black' love..I was at work last night, speaking with a young female Captain during some down time and she said "black love is oxymoronic, like black unity". You can tell she is done; and she's not a bad looking sista either. I have to admit, I feel the same way. I'm sure that black women look at me and if they find me attractive, they think "He'll have issues just like all niggas" and press on..hey, I cant blame them; think of numero uno first. But oh well, thats life, and I can't change things, so my advice to everyone is this: Dont dwell on it, you'll only get an ulcer and a big ass medical bill. giveup



I think when a person has no issues, has never been in love........or in a bad relationship, its confusing, why this is happening.

But i agree......its best not to dwell on it....
I'm at about the point of giving up.

I must admit that even in the few times I do see an attractive sista in a book store, I don't make a move out of fear of getting the same as I've always gotten (which quite frankly is not much) ...

I just stay busy.

I'm hoping to one day make enough money that I can at least afford a trophy wife ... Frown

If you stay busy you don't dwell on it.
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
I'm at about the point of giving up.

I must admit that even in the few times I do see an attractive sista in a book store, I don't make a move out of fear of getting the same as I've always gotten (which quite frankly is not much) ...

I just stay busy.

I'm hoping to one day make enough money that I can at least afford a trophy wife ... Frown

If you stay busy you don't dwell on it.


Brother, I feel ya. Focus on your goals. My philosophy is simply, if she's really interested, she can approach me and make her intentions known; in the meantime, I got things to do, money to make, and places to go. Dwelling on the actions and intent of someone else, is just not worth it.
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
I'm at about the point of giving up.

I must admit that even in the few times I do see an attractive sista in a book store, I don't make a move out of fear of getting the same as I've always gotten (which quite frankly is not much) ...

I just stay busy.

I'm hoping to one day make enough money that I can at least afford a trophy wife ... Frown

If you stay busy you don't dwell on it.


Brother, I feel ya. Focus on your goals. My philosophy is simply, if she's really interested, she can approach me and make her intentions known; in the meantime, I got things to do, money to make, and places to go. Dwelling on the actions and intent of someone else, is just not worth it.


What's interesting is that a lot of women, like myself, feel this same way..... So, how are we ever going to connect? Someone has to make a move.....

So, I am starting today! If I see that fine a** construction worker that I have been checking out for the last 3 months, I WILL approach him today and risk rejection or WORSE-he doesn't speak English!!
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
I'm at about the point of giving up.

I must admit that even in the few times I do see an attractive sista in a book store, I don't make a move out of fear of getting the same as I've always gotten (which quite frankly is not much) ...

I just stay busy.

I'm hoping to one day make enough money that I can at least afford a trophy wife ... Frown

If you stay busy you don't dwell on it.


Brother, I feel ya. Focus on your goals. My philosophy is simply, if she's really interested, she can approach me and make her intentions known; in the meantime, I got things to do, money to make, and places to go. Dwelling on the actions and intent of someone else, is just not worth it.


What's interesting is that a lot of women, like myself, feel this same way..... So, how are we ever going to connect? Someone has to make a move.....

So, I am starting today! If I see that fine a** construction worker that I have been checking out for the last 3 months, I WILL approach him today and risk rejection or WORSE-he doesn't speak English!!



TOAOM,

Ya know ... I thought about this thread a lot yesterday ... because it made me sad ... and I determined to do the same thing as you're doing...

There's a cute sista (a real "stealth hottie") who work at Walgreens who I've noticed but haven't approached .... We seem to always notice one another but have never spoken directly ... she speaks "well" (if that means anything) ... at any rate, she makes a very strong first impression ...

Yesterday I got some digital prints made there and she was subbing for the person who usually works in the photo section ... I made a point of lingering around the counter ... when my prints came out she remarked about how "pretty" they were (she seemed really impressed) ... and then I showed her the small album of prints I (deliberately) brought along (just in case she was working)... we couldn't really talk because of the line of people and the co-worker who was hanging around ...

But her gaze lingered .... as if effected ... she did not quickly flip through the pages as many who are less sensitive do ... I made an impression ... I think I will do some further investigating ... Wink

Maybe the few of us here who pledge to approach other brothas and sistas at bookstores and the like should call ourselves the AA.org Borders Patrol ... Razz
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quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by negrospiritual:
but I was just thinking that the advice comes from the perspective that not many black women are doing these things... Doesn't it?

let me ask it simply...

Have you noticed an absence of appropriately clothed, knowledgeable, bookstore-frequenting sistas who happen to be available?

I genuinely want to know. hat



Though the question was not asked to me directly, speaking for myself, in my area I really don't notice too many black women frequenting the places that I like or digging the things I enjoy.

The few there are seem to be much older than me or taken.

So for me, Saracen's advice was absolutely dead on.

For me, the point was not to do stuff just for the sake of finding a man. Especially if you're not going to continue to enjoy that activity. It was to have a diversity of interests that might lead you to places where there just might also be good potential mates. Not only might it diversify your social life ... but it leads to personal growth and development ...

As far as I can see, the black female response to seeking a mate has been limited to returning to the church ... and they're not going to find me there ...

But then maybe that's just in Kentucky ...


No, HB, thats in NC as well. When I speak to older sisters about my lack of a mate, the first thing out of their mouths is "you need to get back into the church". Roll Eyes

I feel close to this and other topics relating to compatibility issues with members of our race-in our respective parts of the country. It is VERY hard to find a black male in the places that I enjoy. And, no harm meant, but I am really not interested in bald, aging white dudes. I love art, love all types of music (MINUS country), love psychology, philosophy, nature.....so many things. And brothers SAY they love these things as well but when I pop in Clapton's cd,the truth comes out!
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Eric Clapton? ... Eek ... for shame! ... if you wanna hear real blues don't waste time with an imitator ... go to the masters ... Muddy Waters ... Robert Johnson ... Son House ....

Seriously ... even Clapton himself will tell you what's what ...

Anyway ... I won't think less of ya'll ... Big Grin


Cut it out! I like Clapton! You know there is always somebody better at all things but......he is cool with me.
quote:
Originally posted by Tre:
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
So, I am starting today! If I see that fine a** construction worker that I have been checking out for the last 3 months, I WILL approach him today and risk rejection or WORSE-he doesn't speak English!!


1 and only--I'm with you on this one! Me too. beer



OK ya'll ... but please do me a favor? ... this is about brothas and sistas loving each other ... leave the Mexicans alone ... Confused
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:

No, HB, thats in NC as well. When I speak to older sisters about my lack of a mate, the first thing out of their mouths is "you need to get back into the church". Roll Eyes




And the really funny thing is all the insincere people in church trying to get laid and acting a fool right up in the church.

I had a friend (we've since fallen out - over religion) who would complain about her then love interest. This was a man she met in church.

When he had enough of her, he showed up in church one Sunday with another woman right in front of her face and with no fore-warning.

Then she would give me a hard time about not going to church ... Roll Eyes
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by StaryeYenightess:
Stevie Ray Vaughn you know it. That's the best.


He's another imitator: Listen to Jimi Hendrix, Albert King, Elmore James, and T-Bone Walker instead!

We may not have invented the Calculus or been the real originators of Greek philosophy ... but, my folks, I know fo sho we invented this music ... and that we did it best ... Big Grin

In case you can't tell ... I'm a Blues purist ...

Check out

Jimi Hendrix: Blues
Last edited {1}
Now this is a post! Love this...

quote:
Originally posted by Saracen:
Peace....

1. Real men have interests. They read books, and they visit museums....Real men attend political functions, and even participate in grass roots organizations...

Visit these places, do not just linger there..but get involved with the activity...engage yourself...He'll see you, and admire your involvment.


See, now I agree with this. When you are busy enjoying yourself and seeking knowledge, you come into contact with others who are doing the same; not the others who are just talking about stuff.

quote:
2. Have a position when it relates to certain issues...Never, and I mean never, have the "I think whatever you want me to" mentality...

Stand your ground until the man can muster up an argument which moves you...If he cannot, just tell him that you will have to agree to disagree...he will view this as unfinished business, somewhere in the back of his mind he will want to see you again to resolve the issue...

When debating him, make sure you listen to his point, and reply passionately when the moment arrives......He will view this passion favorably.

Don't be a smart alec...make your sarcasms sweet, and few...

Try to avoid too many hand gestures...speak with your eyes...close them from time to time and sigh...


Now here's my contraversial arse...Yes, I was created with my own brain; it only makes sense that Yes, I will have my own ideas, my own position in life. Yes, I was created with a "free will" so it only makes sense that Yes, I will stick by those points.

If I really believe in my point, I will argue it and you won't see me backing down from it...no matter who's pissed off. Just ask ManChild....rotflmao.

While I can listen to another's view, if they get DisRespectFul, yeah, you can believe I will be addressing that...again, ask ManChild....lol.

But I can always learn from what others are saying AND doing...the whole way I even found this forum was following up on something I saw ManChild had written about my stance on PolyGamy.

quote:
3. Dress moderately, however let your clothing flatter your female form..Not tight...flattering...Men have a natural desire to unwrap things they cannot see clearly..

No one wants a woman who can be bedded easily...the way you dress reflects this ..To a man...whether this is true or not, the message is clear..


Dress for comfort and for style, if you have it. How you dress has nothing to do with whether or not you can be bedded easily...just ask the Miss Prisses on the Hill who aren't virgins. You can dress provocatively and still be RespectAble. Dress for you, not someone else. If you have confidence, that is the best garment you can wear.

quote:
4. Be nice to children...Be patient and sweet to babies...


I am laughing at this one. Here's why: I have a six year old and as cute as his lil behind is, when he's cutting up, you better believe I will eat him in a hurry! LOL....

Sometimes being "nice" to children means you won't spare the rod or hold your anger back to take a "nod" from a dude who thinks you look like a good mommy to a cute kid....

quote:
5. Don't be too touchy feely when you first meet...hover near him...but don't touch...when you are closest to him, smile...but don't touch. lower your gaze..but from time to time shock him by looking deeply into his eyes..


I can't stand someone touching on me if we aren't down like that. Keep your hands to yourself!!! I will smile if I'm happy, but that fake mess gotta go. Lowering my eyes...yeah, only if something is on the floor, otherwise that muthasucka can and often WILL get the wrong ideal of what submission is.

quote:
6. Be nice to other men, even sweet...But allow him to distinguish your treatment of him from other men...Don't talk about it to him..just show him..He wants to watch you without you thinking that he is watching..He doesn't want to see you performing for his sake...


Please, Men are jealous creatures. If we smile and are sweet with other Men, you know that you all take that as license to call us sluts, whores and easy Women...let's just be real. Ya'll get so jealous if we even look at another dude. LOL...

quote:
7. Do not complain about your financial woes directly...The way to do this is by waiting for the right moment, which means when he suggests that you buy something you cannot afford, and then tell him " I can't afford that..That wouldn't be a wise investment for me at this time"...someting like that...He'll think "damn, she is conscious about how to manage money"...


Don't complain about money at all! Period. Money is the number one deal breaker in all types of RelationShips. Unless you two are fully committed meaning married or engaged to be married, it's none of your business what the other does with money. While dating, you can and will see clues as to someone's financial state, but unless you are truly serious about the person, it's none of your business.

quote:
8. allow him to be a gentlemen...forget that crap about being just as manly as he is...If he opens the door for you, or pulls your chair, or reaches for your coat so that he can assist you in putting it on...just let him, and thank him...wait until far into the relatioonship to tell him if these things are unneccesary..


I agree with this; especially in this day and age when many Men don't feel the need to show these types of manners.

quote:
9. Sympathize with his pllight as a black man, but do not baby him...ever...He wants inspiration not breastfeeding. find a way to challenge him to be better without cutting into his pride...Say things like "You'll get it done".."I know you will get past this"...


Uh uh, sorry: No sympathy about being Black. It sets us up too much. UnderStanding is what we need; then ReSpect. UnderStanding about what it means to be Human and ReSpect about what it means to be a special set of Humans in this world.

quote:
10. Watch the news...


Yes, and question the news. Just because a someone said it, doesn't mean it's necessarily true. Be aware and be mindful, too!

Wisdom
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by StaryeYenightess:
Stevie Ray Vaughn you know it. That's the best.


He's another imitator: Listen to Jimi Hendrix, Albert King, Elmore James, and T-Bone Walker instead!

We may not have invented the Calculus or been the real originators of Greek philosophy ... but, my folks, I know fo sho we invented this music ... and that we did it best ... Big Grin

In case you can't tell ... I'm a Blues purist ...

Check out

Jimi Hendrix: Blues


tfro
That's one of the first albums I added to my MP3 player.
music
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by Tre:
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
So, I am starting today! If I see that fine a** construction worker that I have been checking out for the last 3 months, I WILL approach him today and risk rejection or WORSE-he doesn't speak English!!


1 and only--I'm with you on this one! Me too. beer



OK ya'll ... but please do me a favor? ... this is about brothas and sistas loving each other ... leave the Mexicans alone ... Confused


lol Ok, now why you being racist?! This man has GOT to have some brotha in him-can't be all "mexican". He is a deep, rich color and has the most intriguing, happy brown eyes that I have EVER seen. His walk-whew! Got to have some brotha in him somewhere!
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:

No, HB, thats in NC as well. When I speak to older sisters about my lack of a mate, the first thing out of their mouths is "you need to get back into the church". Roll Eyes




And the really funny thing is all the insincere people in church trying to get laid and acting a fool right up in the church.

I had a friend (we've since fallen out - over religion) who would complain about her then love interest. This was a man she met in church.

When he had enough of her, he showed up in church one Sunday with another woman right in front of her face and with no fore-warning.

Then she would give me a hard time about not going to church ... Roll Eyes


YES!!! Hell, when I was really heavily into the church as a teen, the girls were having more sex than the chics I knew from high school! On the pill and everything! Secret abortions! SMGDH
Update! Update!

Ok, so its been raining for the last day or so and I haven't seen the construction worker PLUS I kinda felt bad about the mexican thing so........

I park my car at the mall and ride the xpress bus into town to work everyday. The bus driver in the morning is soooooo fine!

I got on the bus this morning and out of nowhere these words come.....

"If I give you my card, will you call?"

He says "YES!"

So I gave him my card! cabbage
quote:
Originally posted by Tre:

Alrighty then--ask him does he have any friends anywhere between 5'4" and 6'0" and do any of them mind long distance relationships. laugh


Between 5'4" and 6'0"? lol That's too funny. I will certainly ask.

I sat all at the front of the bus this morning. (Normally I head to the back so I can laugh it up with my best friend on the way to work without disturbing anyone) Cat-daddy is FINE! Dayum!
quote:
Originally posted by Tre:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by The one and only ME:

Between 5'4" and 6'0"? lol That's too funny. I will certainly ask.

Girl, yeah. All my girls here say that I like short men becuz every guy I've dated, save one, has been between 5'4" and 5'8" or so. Well, maybe I do like short men. ek




"Short"? That depends on how short you are.

If you're 5' then a dude who is 5'6" IS tall.

This is another thing I don't get ... sistahs and the understanding that "tall" means 6' plus.

It's hilarious looking through personals ads online and seeing women who describe themselves as 4'9" looking for men who are 6'4" ... Roll Eyes
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
"Short"? That depends on how short you are.

If you're 5' then a dude who is 5'6" IS tall.

This is another thing I don't get ... sistahs and the understanding that "tall" means 6' plus.

It's hilarious looking through personals ads online and seeing women who describe themselves as 4'9" looking for men who are 6'4" ... Roll Eyes


All is can do is laugh. I am 5' and I love a man 6' and above! I don't discriminate but when I have my heels on, I am not trying to be eye-to-eye with my man. I still wanna be able to gaze UP into his eyes.......
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by Tre:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by The one and only ME:

Between 5'4" and 6'0"? lol That's too funny. I will certainly ask.

Girl, yeah. All my girls here say that I like short men becuz every guy I've dated, save one, has been between 5'4" and 5'8" or so. Well, maybe I do like short men. ek




"Short"? That depends on how short you are.

If you're 5' then a dude who is 5'6" IS tall.

This is another thing I don't get ... sistahs and the understanding that "tall" means 6' plus.

It's hilarious looking through personals ads online and seeing women who describe themselves as 4'9" looking for men who are 6'4" ... Roll Eyes


HB - this is one of the great unsolved mysteries. I think even if you uncover the truth, some random, white van will come to carry you away.

If women can wear 4 inch heels and claim to be 5' 8", follow suit and grab a pair of these:

quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
"Short"? That depends on how short you are.

If you're 5' then a dude who is 5'6" IS tall.

This is another thing I don't get ... sistahs and the understanding that "tall" means 6' plus.

It's hilarious looking through personals ads online and seeing women who describe themselves as 4'9" looking for men who are 6'4" ... Roll Eyes


Point well taken, HoBro. The term short is relative depending on the height of the person. I'm 5'8", so a guy who is 5'4" is short--especially when I wear heals. I think that is why I made my range so broad.
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by Tre:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by The one and only ME:

Between 5'4" and 6'0"? lol That's too funny. I will certainly ask.

Girl, yeah. All my girls here say that I like short men becuz every guy I've dated, save one, has been between 5'4" and 5'8" or so. Well, maybe I do like short men. ek




"Short"? That depends on how short you are.

If you're 5' then a dude who is 5'6" IS tall.

This is another thing I don't get ... sistahs and the understanding that "tall" means 6' plus.

It's hilarious looking through personals ads online and seeing women who describe themselves as 4'9" looking for men who are 6'4" ... Roll Eyes


HB - this is one of the great unsolved mysteries. I think even if you uncover the truth, some random, white van will come to carry you away.

If women can wear 4 inch heels and claim to be 5' 8", follow suit and grab a pair of these:



20
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
"Short"? That depends on how short you are.

If you're 5' then a dude who is 5'6" IS tall.

This is another thing I don't get ... sistahs and the understanding that "tall" means 6' plus.

It's hilarious looking through personals ads online and seeing women who describe themselves as 4'9" looking for men who are 6'4" ... Roll Eyes


Well, I can't answer for all short women .. but in my case, I'm 5 feet, but I learned to be attracted to tall men because all of my girlfriends that I grew up with were tall (the shortest one was 5" 7' or 8'). I've only dated one short man in my life ... and it was kinda weird .. but I liked him and he was cute! lol.

Tall guys were a gauge by what we looked at and considered attactive. And old habits are hard to break, I guess! Smile

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