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HeruStar, when you talk about there being a shortage of black men at the top of the career ladder, in comparison to sisters, you are right. I never denied that statistic, however, since I fit the criteria of what these types of sisters are looking for, I can't complain.

My only concern is, I feel that more of these sisters should make themselves more accessible. Too often, many of these successful sisters are so entrenched in their careers, they only have time to go straight to work and straight home. Even more waste their time running in packs--soothing each others egos i.e. "ladies night out" instead of being more socially independent.

I know women have to be more careful out there but still, you have to make yourself more available in order to get the man you want. Some attitudes are going to have to change too--sisters snubbing their noses at brothers just because they don't fit the perfect picture of what they consider to be mr. right has to stop--sisters basing a man's romantic value according to how much money he makes is also going to have to stop, and most certainly, thinking they're going to find a man that looks like Denzel Washington, Money like Russell Simmons, a complexion like Tyson Beckford and muscles like Taye Diggs--that dreaming is going ot have to stop.
quote:
Originally posted by IRONHORSE:
I beg to differ, QTY, at least along the lines of choosing a certain type of woman. Of course, men will have a tendency to choose a woman primarily on looks because men are visually oriented. Now, that doesn't mean that it's right for some fool to hook up with some dumb broad with big breasts and a big ass--that's just plain ignorant.

I'll just referr to myself on this issue--of course I want an attractive woman but I want a woman that is attractive to me, not what I think is popular culture's standard of what and attractive woman is.

If you have small breasts, fine, dark skinned, (yummy) fine, if you're slightly overweight, fine, if you're a little skinny and flat chested, fine. The important thing to me is a woman's overall attractiveness and, even more importantly, her personality. I've dated beautiful women that would get on my last damn nerve and I've dated tomboys that I could never forget. The important thing is compatability, love, communication friendship. If you are missing any of those elements, the relationship will not last, at least not in a healthy way.


Well see, maybe youre in a boat by yourself, but i have often heard men complaining about over weight women, etc, etc.......(you know about the compliants) Men generally want the finest thing walking........and for those women that dont have the 'look' they arent noticed.

But then again, these are the same men that will complain, over and over again, because they got with a trifling fine azz sista, and she caused him pain.

We all know that black women are moving up, there are tons of decent black women out here. They may not be the finest...........but they are here. I cant understand, why these women are often by themselves......

Again.....I might not be the finest woman walking, but im educated, with goals etc, and im not desired by most black men.

Now whos fault is that?
For the life of me, QTY, I don't understand myself how so many beautiful sisters can be successful, yet, still single. I have an older sister (I'm 33) that is very, attractive and very, very financially secure, yet, the brothers just aren't there.

On the other hand, I've noticed, over the years, that some sisters play the social climbing game so hard, they often knock themselves out of the running or end up marrying a brother that wasn't what he was all cracked up to be.

I happened to run into a sister that I grew up with in church--when we were kids she was stuck up and set on a course for success or so she thought. Now, she's a mother of two, married to a broke ass brother and trying to find move out of Atlanta to find employment back in Birmingham. I understand where you're coming from, QTY, but you have to also understand, many of these sisters do play themselves.

Now, for those sisters that are legitimately doing their thang,I sincerely wish I had access to those women. Perhaps, someday....
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:

I might not be the finest woman walking, but im educated, with goals etc, and im not desired by most black men.


Let's be clear, based upon your picture and what I read about you - you are desired. No doubt.

As I mentioned earlier though, sometimes brothers need to feel more comfortable (and less threatened) by a sista who's doing her thing - who has a degree (or two) and is pulling down a nice salary. We, for sure, need to get our acts together and feel better about what we're doing and can contribute to a "together sista". But perhaps in the interim, the sistas can help as well. Perhaps they can soften their approach - knowing that we brothers are generally an insecure bunch. bsm

Bottom line - we all want to be happy. If we just stopped frontin' and mindlessly competing with each other and really communicated we'd all be much better off.
I'm back! Big Grin

QTY, you bring some valid points to the table. But I can only speak from a male perspective. A lot of women don't give themselves enough credit and will settle for any man that knows how to "throw game". Myself, I want the total package, looks, intellect, motivation and a great personality and I refuse to settle for less. I just want both men and women to start doing the same....
quote:
Botton line - we all want to be happy. If we just stopped frontin' and mindlessly competing with each other and really communicated we'd all be much better off.


I couldn't have said it better myself. Damn, we're ALL a bunch of insecure beings...

The problem with most folks is that they dont know HOW to be honest; with themselves and/or others.
quote:
Originally posted by IRONHORSE:
I don't blame you entirely for assuming that my "macking skills" aren't up to par...
Maybe I chose the wrong word when I said "bullshit". I know nothing of your "macking skills", the point I was making was that sometimes a little "introspection was in order - for you me and everone. Merely a suggestion.

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As for me, personally, AudioGuy, my interpersonal skills are very formidable. I've never had a problem getting a woman and my rather unique approach...
Morris Day has nothing on you... "...Gerome..." cabbage

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...I braught three beautiful women to this website with me--no, I'm not being cocky, just stating the facts.
Must be those "formidable macking skills"!! Eek

Seriously, welcome to aa.org, my brother.
MBM, you are not alone in thinking this.

I can understand sistas having a wall up for protection but I do think sometimes they get carried away with it. I've also noticed those walls come down....usally....with the wrong brotha...so I have to ask myself "is'nt that what your really looking for then?"

But thats my opinion though....
SI senor @ Gambit....

I sometimes wonder what is wrong with us females. We say we want someone who treats us nice, who spends time, who is romantic, supportive....etc., but then when we come across him we say things like,..."but did you see his feet? they're soo big..." Or

"I dont like his teeth..." Or something else really stupid along those lines.

When he comes into our lives we will pick him apart like nobody's business. We'll find every character FLAW he has, and then discard him like bad food.

BUT, we'll find Mr. What the Hell was I thinking....and overlook all the BAD SHIT he has, while TRYING TO FIND the good.

What the hell is wrong with us? In that respect, we get what we deserve.

Sometimes we dont feel as though we DESERVE the good guy, which is why we make so many excuses to NOT be with him. We dont feel worthy. That's why we'll take dude who gives us bullshit.


I still dont understand that.
quote:
Originally posted by AVISUNSHYNE:
SI senor @ Gambit....

I sometimes wonder what is wrong with us females. We say we want someone who treats us nice, who spends time, who is romantic, supportive....etc., but then when we come across him we say things like,..."but did you see his feet? they're soo big..." Or

"I dont like his teeth..." Or something else really stupid along those lines.

When he comes into our lives we will pick him apart like nobody's business. We'll find every character FLAW he has, and then discard him like bad food.

BUT, we'll find Mr. What the Hell was I thinking....and overlook all the BAD SHIT he has, while TRYING TO FIND the good.

What the hell is wrong with us? In that respect, we get what we deserve.

Sometimes we dont feel as though we DESERVE the good guy, which is why we make so many excuses to NOT be with him. We dont feel worthy. That's why we'll take dude who gives us bullshit.


I still dont understand that.



Avi dont think its just the females. Men do the same thing as well......I truly think we've been conditioned to be as shallow and inept as possible by society...and the problem is its so obvious its sad......
quote:
Originally posted by AVISUNSHYNE:
You may be right about that Justin. It's shame how such simple things become so damned complicated. Makes you just want to be alone for the rest of your life.


The dating game is garbage.


Peace,

I can't believe I'm going to comment here, but....

There are alternatives to dating.....these alternatives are not attractive to some, because of the discipline and restrictions they require....


Peace,
Virtue
quote:
Originally posted by virtue:
quote:
Originally posted by AVISUNSHYNE:
You may be right about that Justin. It's shame how such simple things become so damned complicated. Makes you just want to be alone for the rest of your life.


The dating game is garbage.


Peace,

I can't believe I'm going to comment here, but....

There are alternatives to dating.....these alternatives are not attractive to some, because of the discipline and restrictions they require....


Peace,
Virtue


So true Virtue, so true......
Luckily I have someone already that I am in love with, who loves me back!! Neither one of us are perfect, but what we do have in communication. We've been together for almost a year but we're still learning each other.

We've gone thru the likes/dislikes when in a relationship. When we hit a wall, we back up and refocus. He's my best friend, which makes it easier to express my dislike for something he's done, and vice versa.
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
Avi, I'll be happy just for a good friendship. LOL

Seriously though,

I think women think I have too high standards or want something that does'nt exist. All I want is someone on my percieved "level" I don't think thats asking a whole lot but I've been wrong before and I'll be wrong in the future.


Justin let me add that maybe a lot of problems stems from the area in which we live. A lot of women in my area are on point, but the men are just not doing it.........what do you think?
quote:
Now, back to you, Frenchy--you won't be running me off anytime soon, sister--yes, you took my words out of context to create your little comical list of requirements--unless I tell you exactly what my wants and needs are, I suggest you ask me directly instead of jumping to conclusions and making accusations.


First of all, you can cut the condescending bullshit. We're both adults. Your thoughts are all over the map (one minute there is no shortage and the next minute you have an older sister who is a great catch and can't find anyone), so I'll do my best to address your points. As I said before, I have no desire to "run you off." I am interested in hearing what everyone has to say. But I won't bite my tongue when I see Black men and women falling all over themselves to place the problems of the Black dating scene squarely on the Black woman's shoulders. The Black woman is consistently verbally beaten to a bloody pulp for any and every problem she encounters. Everywhere she turns, it is always all her own fault. She's too this, she's too that, not enough this, not enough that, why doesn't she just lower this and raise that. That's pure bullshit and I will continue to call it such. I guess I'm the only one that takes offense to that sort of thing, but I don't care. Any discussion that takes a turn into "what Black women need to do" needs to equally address "what Black men need to do." That is the reason I chose to respond to your initial post.

No part of my list was taken out of context. You claimed that Black women were routinely setting their sets too high and I demonstrated that the Black woman's "Eligible Man List" was not all that different from and perhaps even smaller than the average Black man's "Eligible Woman List," using your own words.

quote:
You're not slick, Frenchy--Nowhere in my previous discussions have I even remotely talked about what I want in a prospective mate. For you to make up this list. Not only did you take my words out of context, you added your own little synical remarks, creating a chauventistic twist. That, too, was unecessary and grossly digressed from the point of this discussion.


I don't need to be slick, I'm intelligent. When I return to your threads, it's very clear to me that I didn't take anything at all out of context. My cynical remarks were merely pointing out the chauvanistic aspects inherent in some of your criteria.

quote:
This is what I have a problem with--I run into sisters like you


Indeed.

quote:
you, as well as many others, say, "Yeah but you're just one man." What is that supposed to mean? Just because I'm one man, one of many, does that mean I do not exist? Does that mean that what I have and can contribute to this society as a "good black man" doesn't have as much weight because I am only one?


That's not what I directly said nor is it what I implied. I said that with respect to talking about a shortage of Black men in general, it makes little difference that you are or consider yourself one of the "eligible ones." It does not change the overall picture. I applauded whatever good deeds you may be sharing with your sistas. It is akin to someone thinking that just because they seemed to gain entrance into White society, that's it... there's no more racism. It's all gravy for that one person and whomever they are able to impact, but it doesn't change what is happening at large and why we need to continue to discuss it instead of denying its existence.
Frenchy, we can argue until the sun implodes and the Milky Way Galaxy is consumed--you will still see the disparities in black romance ONE way, and I will see it BOTH ways.

I'm only going to quote one example of how you take my words out of context(mainly because this is getting childish), and create your own fictitious, chauvenistic sounding garbage, which I feel is getting old very fast:

quote:
This is what I have a problem with--I run into sisters like you


Indeed.


Indeed, my ass--there is nothing in my discussions that even REMOTELY comes across in the manner in which you have presented in your indirectly offensive, abomination of a quote that approaches the line of deformation of character.

I was raised by three, strong-willed, educated, professional, independent women (my mother and two older sisters), therefore, not only am I used to understanding and relating to black women, I welcome and appreciate what they have to offer--there is no way, on God's earth, that I would have a "problem" or feel threatened or intimidated by sisters like you or any other type of sisters, for that matter, regardless of how stubborn, narrow-minded, jaded, unwaivering, domineering, and self-righteous, and double-standard practicing they may be.

I'm begining to see that I must make baby steps and feed you each comment, piece by piece, when I discuss every topic I make--when I referred to my oldest sister, I may have said the brothers just weren't there but that doesn't mean she isn't dating--she most definately doesn't have a frustrated state of mind, a state that you seem to be entrenched in, that keeps her from enjoying interacting with members of the opposite sex.

In my opinion, some of the men she's dated often, more than not, are not on her level, nevertheless, she still enjoys their company and looks forward to her romantic interactions. Not once in her life have I ever heard her complain, to me or my mother, of how HARD and FRUSTRATING it is for black women out there in the dating world. You are right about one thing--I have jumped all over the board with this discussion and, apparently, other people feel the need to elaborate on this topic too, so, enjoy the ride and stop making up shit that isn't there.

You say we're both adults but you've been behaving like one of my students since the begining of your involvement in this discussion--just because you say you're intelligent doesn't mean your words have any credibility. Albert Einstein was considered a genius but he had the common sense of a carrot--he also had a learning disability and married his own cousin, so, to say that you are intelligent is meaningless especially since your intelligence hasn't helped you to come to a conclusion of how to get out of this frustrating ordeal you're beating your head up against the wall about bang with us black men or the lack thereof.

You can choose to see the glass as half-empty all you want, and take out your frustrations on my discussions by butchering my comments in your quotes and indirectly talking down to me--you will never recieve what you are wanting in your life as long as you maintain the defeated state of mind you are currently living in.
quote:
Originally posted by IRONHORSE:
Frenchy, we can argue until the sun implodes and the Milky Way Galaxy is consumed--you will still see the disparities in black romance ONE way, and I will see it BOTH ways.

I'm only going to quote one example of how you take my words out of context(mainly because this is getting childish), and create your own fictitious, chauvenistic sounding garbage, which I feel is getting old very fast:

quote:
This is what I have a problem with--I run into sisters like you


Indeed.


Indeed, my ass--there is nothing in my discussions that even REMOTELY comes across in the manner in which you have presented in your indirectly offensive, abomination of a quote that approaches the line of deformation of character.

I was raised by three, strong-willed, educated, professional, independent women (my mother and two older sisters), therefore, not only am I used to understanding and relating to black women, I welcome and appreciate what they have to offer--there is no way, on God's earth, that I would have a "problem" or feel threatened or intimidated by sisters like you or any other type of sisters, for that matter, regardless of how stubborn, narrow-minded, jaded, unwaivering, domineering, and self-righteous, and double-standard practicing they may be.

I'm begining to see that I must make baby steps and feed you each comment, piece by piece, when I discuss every topic I make--when I referred to my oldest sister, I may have said the brothers just weren't there but that doesn't mean she isn't dating--she most definately doesn't have a frustrated state of mind, a state that you seem to be entrenched in, that keeps her from enjoying interacting with members of the opposite sex.

In my opinion, some of the men she's dated often, more than not, are not on her level, nevertheless, she still enjoys their company and looks forward to her romantic interactions. Not once in her life have I ever heard her complain, to me or my mother, of how HARD and FRUSTRATING it is for black women out there in the dating world. You are right about one thing--I have jumped all over the board with this discussion and, apparently, other people feel the need to elaborate on this topic too, so, enjoy the ride and stop making up shit that isn't there.

You say we're both adults but you've been behaving like one of my students since the begining of your involvement in this discussion--just because you say you're intelligent doesn't mean your words have any credibility. Albert Einstein was considered a genius but he had the common sense of a carrot--he also had a learning disability and married his own cousin, so, to say that you are intelligent is meaningless especially since your intelligence hasn't helped you to come to a conclusion of how to get out of this frustrating ordeal you're beating your head up against the wall about bang with us black men or the lack thereof.

You can choose to see the glass as half-empty all you want, and take out your frustrations on my discussions by butchering my comments in your quotes and indirectly talking down to me--you will never recieve what you are wanting in your life as long as you maintain the defeated state of mind you are currently living in.


lol
What the fuck is this? A damn playground?

"Maybe so, maybe not, maybe so, maybe not."


Get outta here with that worthless garbage. Either have something to say that will contribute to the discussion or go huddle up in another forum.

So far, I haven't even been on this site for more than a week and all I've run into, mostly, are a bunch of computer geeks with easily bruisable egos that are hyper-sensitive to people's opinions because they don't coinside with their own--quick to judge but don't offer not one damn ounce of constructive feedback--only a bunch of indirect, passive aggressive, obnoxious little one sentence remarks.

What the hell is so intellectual about being snide, subjective, narrow-minded and back-biting? It's a sad thing to continuously be reminded that some black people still lack the fortitude to interact in concentrated circles without expressing a crab-hearted mentality.
quote:
Originally posted by IRONHORSE:
Get outta here with that worthless garbage. Either have something to say that will contribute to the discussion or go huddle up in another forum.
You post some bullshit about "subduing women" and you say I offer worthless garbage?? Look in the mirror. The brothers who could use your advice don't have computers...

quote:
"...they don't coinside with their own..."

"...but don't offer not one damn ounce of constructive feedback--only a bunch of indirect, passive aggressive, obnoxious little one sentence remarks..."
Learn how to spell... Dummy.

quote:
...It's a sad thing to continuously be reminded that some black people still lack the fortitude to interact in concentrated circles without expressing a crab-hearted mentality.
As you may or may not know, Black people are not monolithic in their thinking. This is a website where people are free to express their opinions, whether you, or anybody else agree with them is irrelevant.

You have spent your very short time here, posting info that only strokes your massive ego. Where do you get off telling me to "go huddle up in another forum"? That shit may work on BP, but not here.

I am one of the few people who initially welcomed you to this site... I now see that that was a mistake.
What a fucking idiot you are, Audio--neither you nor anyone else on this site is paying me to write perfectly edited discussions--you can quote my mispellings until your eyeballs fall out--it doesn't erase the fact that, dispite you calling yourself welcoming me to this site, as if you pay rent here, doesn't render you immune to criticism--and you think siting a mispelling makes you any better or gives what you say any more credibility either? Hell no.

Oh, and by the way, dude, I don't give a damn what site I'm on, whether it's BP, blackvoices, blackelectorate.com or any other black or white oriented site for that matter, I'm going to do ME and that's the end of that story. If I tell you to take your ass somewhere else, go jump in a lake, bite a dick or kick rocks, I damn well
will do so.

and you're sure as hell right about one thing: "This is a website where people are free to express their opinions, whether you, or anybody else agree with them is irrelevant."

That little statement most definately applies to you.

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