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quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
.....We all have to play the cards we're dealt. If you're holding a bad hand, I don't think it's right to wish ill of somebody who's luckier than you. You just gotta wait your turn. Sooner or later, you'll get something to smile about, too. Smile


Exactamundo.....Brava Ms. EbonyRose!

"Wisdom Is A Woman Celebrating The Good!"
quote:
Originally posted by negrospiritual:
....There's gotta be some sort of process that we can create to deal with the feelings that never quite go away, and most likely affect our relationships with everyone else. *shrug*


Yes...I agree: it's called Growing Up...we all didn't have perfect lives and while person, places or things may have played a part in our hurt, as adults, we need to UnderStand where our boundaries end and another's begin.

I wouldn't be Happy if it was my BirthDay and someone decided to get "odd" with me just because they shared the same birthday and it may not have turned out the way they wanted it to.

Give Respect Where Respect Is Due...the rest will work ItSelf out.

"Wisdom Is A Woman UnderStanding!"
Father's Day Dialogue:

Person A: " Let's celebrate Father's Day!"

Person B: " Can't celebrate mine I was abused, molested and/or abandoned, it will be hard for me to be festive"


A: "Well celebrate mine, or celebrate someone who deserves it then"

B:*blinks at the oversight and lack of sensitivity to the admission of trauma* Ummm well.. I'm not really in the mood to celebrate anyone's father.. I'll leave that to you all who are happy about it ..

A: *silence* That's quite childish of you.. well if you can't celebrate it.. then at least keep quiet about your "issues" today.. k?

*smh*
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
Father's Day Dialogue:

Person A: " Let's celebrate Father's Day!"

Person B: " Can't celebrate mine I was abused, molested and/or abandoned, it will be hard for me to be festive"


A: "Well celebrate mine, or celebrate someone who deserves it then"

B:*blinks at the oversight and lack of insensitivity to the admission of trauma* Ummm well.. I'm not really in the mood to celebrate anyone's father.. I'll leave that to you all who are happy about it ..

A: *silence* That's quite childish of you.. well if you can't celebrate it.. then at least keep quiet about your "issues" today.. k?

*smh*


You don't have to answer this, but I was just wondering ...

The 'bad dad' thing notwithstanding ....

Are you generally happy in your life?? Confused

More happy than not, I mean .... 19
quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
Father's Day Dialogue:

Person A: " Let's celebrate Father's Day!"

Person B: " Can't celebrate mine I was abused, molested and/or abandoned, it will be hard for me to be festive"


A: "Well celebrate mine, or celebrate someone who deserves it then"

B:*blinks at the oversight and lack of insensitivity to the admission of trauma* Ummm well.. I'm not really in the mood to celebrate anyone's father.. I'll leave that to you all who are happy about it ..

A: *silence* That's quite childish of you.. well if you can't celebrate it.. then at least keep quiet about your "issues" today.. k?

*smh*


You don't have to answer this, but I was just wondering ...

The 'bad dad' thing notwithstanding ....

Are you generally happy in your life?? Confused

More happy than not, I mean .... 19


Why? And should I consider this a negative *bait* into some other point that often happens on this board?
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
Father's Day Dialogue:

Person A: " Let's celebrate Father's Day!"

Person B: " Can't celebrate mine I was abused, molested and/or abandoned, it will be hard for me to be festive"


A: "Well celebrate mine, or celebrate someone who deserves it then"

B:*blinks at the oversight and lack of insensitivity to the admission of trauma* Ummm well.. I'm not really in the mood to celebrate anyone's father.. I'll leave that to you all who are happy about it ..

A: *silence* That's quite childish of you.. well if you can't celebrate it.. then at least keep quiet about your "issues" today.. k?

*smh*


You don't have to answer this, but I was just wondering ...

The 'bad dad' thing notwithstanding ....

Are you generally happy in your life?? Confused

More happy than not, I mean .... 19


Why? And should I consider this a negative *bait* into some other point that often happens on this board?


No, you should consider it a well-intentioned question about your personal well-being. I just wanted to know if you considered yourself a 'happy' person or not. If life was good for you. Or not.

I've drawn my own conclusion .. but, thought I'd ask and give you a chance to respond, on the chance that I might be wrong .. and I'd prefer to have your answer since the question was about you. So, I asked.

Again, you don't have to answer it. Smile

And, in fact ... never mind. I apologize for being concerned. sck
quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:

You don't have to answer this, but I was just wondering ...

The 'bad dad' thing notwithstanding ....

Are you generally happy in your life?? Confused

More happy than not, I mean .... 19


I wanted to ask the same thing WithOut your feeling DisRespected, K.

I wanted to because part of living is in Loving YourSelf, first. Despite the things that have been done to us in our lives, there is no Man on the face of the Earth who can ComFort you until you can ComFort YourSelf...not friends, not Lovers, not a$$ociates...not Uncles, not GrandFathers...and No, not even Father's. Don't get me wrong: those Men can help "ease our fears" in life...and they can even help "support" who we are. But we each have to straighten our own backs before we can ask to ride on the backs of others.

It does not feel good to be "left behind" or to see SomeOne leave our children BeHind...and No, there is nothing wrong with asking Men, specifically OUR Men to step up and do what needs to be done; to acknowledge us; to HELP us...and I think everybody here knows that I would be one of the first to command that.

But there is a time and a place.

If it is difficult to get through a Father's Day, then yes, acknowledge that work needs to be done, a$$ess how you can help with that, BE HONEST about what you need personally and give credit to those who are doing what needs to be done to be good Fathers...even if it is to celebrate the "idea" of good Fathers within our community.

This is necessary because part of existing WithIn healthy RelationShips is in realizing that no single person can complete you. YOU have to complete you....RegardLess of what others will or won't do WithIn your life.

Often we are told to "Know ThySelf"....but we don't often hear, "Physician, Heal ThySelf", a phrase that our community MUST take hold of if we want to do MORE THAN survive.

With that said and given that it is now AFTER Father's day, here is a video that should UpLift and possible InSpire you:

Maysa - I Need A Man (Obama Mix)

"Wisdom Is A Woman UnderStanding!"
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
Ms. K ... I truly wish you healing.
The person first has to want to heal. You have to decide you're tired of being miserable.

You have to realize that there is nothing morally correct, or good, about misery, and that it's nothing to hold onto like it somehow strengthens or protects you. You also have to realize that there's nothing wrong with trying to let go.

Those things are what I wish for Khalliqa, since they are the necessary prerequisites to healing.
Red Face
Thread: Is it possible to bridge the gap between those who feel Father's Day should ONLY be for good fathers and those who experience pain from their fathers?

Responses:

"It should ONLY be for good fathers.."

"*itches be whining on MY day.. tired of that ish.."

"You're childish if abuse has made it so you can't celebrate someone else's father"

"Awwww come on you need a hug.. AND a man! I truly wish happiness for you"



This is getting hilarious.. clearly you are incapable of solving the problem (if it is indeed solvable)

*waits on someone to tell me I need Jesus and HE will be my father*
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
...*waits on someone to tell me I need Jesus and HE will be my father*


ROTFLMAO!!! Well, I COULD go there....but your last post did bring out SomeThing:

"Father's Day should be for AnyOne who is a Father, literally or figuratively"....I know that others didn't agree with my assertion of that Last Year, but I know what I do for my son and I know others know what I do for my son as well, so it's no matter to me.

...and just as I believe that about Father's Day, I believe the same thing about Mother's Day.

But Look Here: I REALLY hope somebody ain't plannin to ask me what the hell Mother's are good for if we are Single Mothers, on Mother's Day.

"Wisdom Is A Woman Smirkin As She Watches The Lil Yellow Bus Drive Off!"
quote:
This is getting hilarious.. clearly you are incapable of solving the problem (if it is indeed solvable)


The only solution that will be acceptable to you is for everyone to validate your pain as the normal state. But I fear that you will continue to be frustrated/disappointed because most people recognize that a day celebrating fatherhood is not about you or the pain your father caused you.
Originally posted by Khalliqa
quote:
My question was whether it is possible with minds that feel like Father's Day should only be for good fathers.. , to feel any empathy for those who do not celebrate it.. or to understand it.. or to bridge the gap in understanding in general..

Though after the responses I am very sorry I asked... I assumed that I would get more questions than frustration.. hence it is a wasted question.. and I realize that not only within my experience but without it is necessary for the two camps to simply keep their distance from each other on this issue...

I think it's been naivete on my part to assume otherwise...


fro What I find from reading some of these negative responses is "Wow" the immaturity of some in this so-called "grown" group. We must remember that just cuz folks grow up doesn't that the child[in them] who's been hurt....has. Roll Eyes That's why we have adults i.e. grown folks STILL dealing with childhood unresolvedissues. And maybe...just maybe days of celebration i.e. Christmas, New Years or yes! Mother and Father's Day have a way of bringing those unresolved issues up again. We are ALL human. Don't take a genius to understand the woes of a child's heart even if the person is GROWN. Now does it? We are becoming so insensitive with the lack of human compassion as a result of success, achievement...whatever...but! However one uses a tool to scratch it out of their head...be it father's day OR mother's day....they SHOULD be able to do just that(this is a message board....even if the message is directed to oneself). It's far better than to be destructive in trying to cope or look for answers down the wrong path. And who is it HURTING anyway....one can just easily troll on by and not respond….Roll Eyes

I hate more than ANYTHING…is bullies of the spirit and soul. Just cuz YOU don't feel it or everything FOR YOU is lined up perfectly in the universe…doesn't mean it gives you the right-of-way to be CRUEL and above all cuz you are unaffected. How arrogant and HEARTLESS! And is why I deal with so-called adults...less and less. Cuz they think IT[whatever IT is] could NEVER happen to them. And if it did….they would know how to handle it. WRONG! One never KNOWS what life will bring you and how you will respond....until it does come unexpectedly and bite you in the azz....and then what? Roll Eyes I said that to say this: We are AFFECTED by what happens in our lives...despite if the peanut gallery wants to acknowledge it or not. And it has everything and nothing to do with Father's Day or any other day for that matter.

BTW: Sista K hug I understand where you were going....unfortunately there are others who didn't want to go there....but! It doesn't minimize your question nevertheless. It is an important one and reflect real life issues....even the morning after. So.

fro
Originally posted by Kweil4real:
quote:

Okay Koco, I get what you are saying ... but wouldn't it be "better" if the hurting person made it clear that they were seeking [internal] catharsis, rather than [external] solutions? Is that self-awareness/self-acknowledgement the basis for healing?


fro When one's hurting....there's NO political correct way to find healing. Sometimes...it just drops outta the sky. Or it is the way fluttering of a butterfly. But most times...healing comes a little bit each day. Plus some folks don't mind revealing their insides to get it out while others are not so open and use subliminal methods to search for solutions/truth to heal...but! You know this.

fro
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
Okay Koco, I get what you are saying ... but wouldn't it be "better" if the hurting person made it clear that they were seeking [internal] catharsis, rather than [external] solutions? Is that self-awareness/self-acknowledgement the basis for healing?


tfro

It isn't about trying to be "insensitive" to SomeOne who's clearly "going through"....it is about enabling them to take responsibility for their own state of existence and to see how the healthy or UnHealthy actions surrounding that existence affects those who are doing what they are supposed to do.

No, it's not fair that we get hurt in life...but we each have a Talk Show story WithIn us. Whether we should put it on BroadCast during SomeOne else's show is the question.

MoreOver, if we aren't striving to do AnyThing other than "talk about it" (and negatively mind you), how are we supposed to "be about it" effectively?

"Wisdom Is A Woman Dialoguing!"
quote:
Originally posted by Kocolicious:
Originally posted by Kweil4real:
quote:

Okay Koco, I get what you are saying ... but wouldn't it be "better" if the hurting person made it clear that they were seeking [internal] catharsis, rather than [external] solutions? Is that self-awareness/self-acknowledgement the basis for healing?


fro When one's hurting....there's NO political correct way to find healing. Sometimes...it just drops outta the sky. Or it is the way fluttering of a butterfly. But most times...healing comes a little bit each day. Plus some folks don't mind revealing their insides to get it out while others are not so open and use subliminal methods to search for solutions/truth to heal...but! You know this.

fro


I believe your words would be prophetic ... if the subject in question was actually 'looking for solutions to heal ... '

But, unfortunately, Ms. Koco, I don't think that's the case here. sck
quote:
Originally posted by ShayaButHer:
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
Okay Koco, I get what you are saying ... but wouldn't it be "better" if the hurting person made it clear that they were seeking [internal] catharsis, rather than [external] solutions? Is that self-awareness/self-acknowledgement the basis for healing?
It isn't about trying to be "insensitive" to SomeOne who's clearly "going through"....it is about enabling them to take responsibility for their own state of existence and to see how the healthy or UnHealthy actions surrounding that existence affects those who are doing what they are supposed to do.

No, it's not fair that we get hurt in life...but we each have a Talk Show story WithIn us. Whether we should put it on BroadCast during SomeOne else's show is the question.

tfro

And on the subject of father's day, it's worth noting that on father's day, the only "celebrating" that happens if you don't have a father (or a close loved one who is a father) is that you say "happy father's day" to brothers when you see them. If someone is too upset about her father's deficiencies to be able to do that, the obvious solution is to simply not say "happy father's day" to anybody.

No one is coming up to a woman saying "happy father's day." No one is saying anything to a woman that would create the opportunity to vent about her father. Methinks that was the problem the OP was aimed at solving.
I can't judge how another person deals with their burdens, because I don't know what those burdens are, and I don't know if I could deal with them half as well. All I can say is, there are some ways of expressing pain that I just can't hear, and I can't hear you when your pain collides with my dignity. I can empathize, I can tolerate, but I can't understand unless you find a different way to express it. That's not assigning blame, that's just the way it is.
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:
tfro

And on the subject of father's day, it's worth noting that on father's day, the only "celebrating" that happens if you don't have a father (or a close loved one who is a father) is that you say "happy father's day" to brothers when you see them. If someone is too upset about her father's deficiencies to be able to do that, the obvious solution is to simply not say "happy father's day" to anybody.

No one is coming up to a woman saying "happy father's day." No one is saying anything to a woman that would create the opportunity to vent about her father. Methinks that was the problem the OP was aimed at solving.


I would agree with that....and in the event that one may be one of the Lucky Ladies who actually hears, "Happy Father's Day" (because we DO hear that from very dear Black Men who are in our lives), just say, "Thank You", SMILE, and Keep It Movin!

BTW, here is the actual Smile Video by The Alchemist ft. Twista and Maxwell

MAN, I CAN'T WAIT 'til July 7th!!! That is gonna be THE DAY!

"Wisdom Is A Woman Who's Real!"
Originally posted by Ebonyrose:
quote:
I believe your words would be prophetic ... if the subject in question was actually 'looking for solutions to heal ... '

But, unfortunately, Ms. Koco, I don't think that's the case here.



fro But! We don't KNOW that. Do we? And whatever the motivation of this post....or thread is..it is still NOT a VALID reason to be cruel/insenstive when someone is ASKING a question which is poignant to them. No? My suggestion was to just "troll" on by and NOT respond. However, Brotha Kweil inquired " Okay Koco, I get what you are saying ... but wouldn't it be "better" if the hurting person made it clear that they were seeking [internal] catharsis, rather than [external] solutions? Is that self-awareness/self-acknowledgement the basis for healing?." I merely answered him. No more....no lesssck

BTW: Sista ER I wasn't aiming at being prophetic....just sayin' what I know is all.

fro
fro What's alarming to ME...and I'm speaking for myself. All these folks with THE ANSWERS! Dayum! Where were yall during the break down of the BLACK COMMUNITY? We sho coulda used all this eye-opening wisdom back then Roll Eyes Dayum if we did, maybe we wouldn't have soooo many focked up uncooked children called adults in mental turmoil today. But! It is what it is. sck



BTW: But as I said earlier...FOLKS are sooooo insensitive AND looking for any reason to pounce on someone cuz they think they're being weak by exposing something close to their heart(using Father's Day as a platform)....in my opinion that behavior [of not understanding and damn near mocking them] shows a lack of human compassion and it's SICK! Bottom line. So if you wanna justify it[to feel big about YOURSELF]...go right ahead it STILL don't/WON'T make it rightRoll Eyes

fro
quote:
Originally posted by Kocolicious:
fro What's alarming to ME...and I'm speaking for myself. All these folks with THE ANSWERS! Dayum! Where were yall during the break down of the BLACK COMMUNITY? We sho coulda used all this eye-opening wisdom back then Roll Eyes Dayum if we did, maybe we wouldn't have soooo many focked up uncooked children called adults in mental turmoil today. But! It is what it is. sck



BTW: But as I said earlier...FOLKS are sooooo insensitive AND looking for any reason to pounce on someone cuz they think they're being weak by exposing something close to their heart....in my opinion that behavior of lack of compassion is SICK! Bottom line. So if you wanna justify it[to feel big about YOURSELF]...go right ahead it STILL don't/WON'T make it rightRoll Eyes

fro


Koco, while I UnderStand your frustration, you have to look at it from anotha angle. It is so tiring coming into the forum and seeing the negative, that is often times brought on someone else's occasion....and for what?

You know that I've defended Sista K on numerous occasions, but you know that I wouldn't be Wisdom if I didn't say that I thought the commentary was wrong....and with faulty timing.

Now, I could lie about it and Sugar Coat it...I could take the "Oh Honey, You Poor Thang" approach too...but I've "studied" people too and I can tell you that even the best "students of people" get tired of the shenanigans....and it is the reason why so many psychologists are sick of so many people coming through the doors complaining about problems, that don't have to be problems.

SomeTimes we create our own drama...and I'm sorry to have to say this, but I think K knows she creates a lot of drama for herself in this forum.

....and while I try to be positive, I'm just gon say that, "Darlin, it gets OLD SomeTimes!"

Now I'm likeable enough to her when I'm agreeing with her and I take the risk of having to get flack from others when I do: so why is it when I ask her to "come up" I'm being mean? The Lil Bus Comment? You of all people should know this, but isn't that the Old Skool Way of saying, "Mmmm hmmmm Tyrone...will you pass me the greens????"....when Tyrone continues to act a fool even though everybody done already "heard" him?

"Wisdom Is A Woman Keepin It Real!"
Originally posted by Shayabutter
quote:
Koco, while I UnderStand your frustration, you have to look at it from anotha angle. It is so tiring coming into the forum and seeing the negative, that is often times brought on someone else's occasion....and for what?

You know that I've defended Sista K on numerous occasions, but you know that I wouldn't be Wisdom if I didn't say that I thought the commentary was wrong....and with faulty timing.

Now, I could lie about it and Sugar Coat it...I could take the "Oh Honey, You Poor Thang" approach too...but I've "studied" people too and I can tell you that even the best "students of people" get tired of the shenanigans....and it is the reason why so many psychologists are sick of so many people coming through the doors complaining about problems, that don't have to be problems.

SomeTimes we create our own drama...and I'm sorry to have to say this, but I think K knows she creates a lot of drama for herself in this forum.

....and while I try to be positive, I'm just gon say that, "Darlin, it gets OLD SomeTimes!"

Now I'm likeable enough to her when I'm agreeing with her and I take the risk of having to get flack from others when I do: so why is it when I ask her to "come up" I'm being mean? The Lil Bus Comment? You of all people should know this, but isn't that the Old Skool Way of saying, "Mmmm hmmmm Tyrone...will you pass me the greens????"....when Tyrone continues to act a fool even though everybody done already "heard" him?



fro I got it Sista Shaya....but! There's a lot of folks up in here who are NO angels. Whether it's drama or not....still they have the power to just ignore commentary they feel is negative. But they don't and I hate FAKE people. I've had my spin with Sista K...so I know...but! It's only negative....when you feed and participate in it. Of course I recognize pain....it comes in diverse images... So. That's why I responded the way I did. However, when you see somethin comin....you have a choice.

And if psychologists are tired of people coming through the doors with problems they don't think are problems....then those psychologists need to change their profession... seriously. Cuz perspection[sp] or what one perceives/projects outwardly is everything to a person seeking help. And what might not be a biggie to one person....can be HUGE to another person.

Also, some folks need to either let it flow...or let it go. Sista K is NOT gonna change. What you see is what you get. And if Tyrone keeps telling the same old story and interrupting at the dinner table....do what Charlie Brown does when he's listening to Lucy[and doesn't want to hurt her feelings]...all he hears when she's talking is "Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa" while smilin'....and you know what? It works. Lucy thinks she got her point across and Charlie is happy she can't tell the difference. Cuz everybody knows if you invite Tyrone he's gonna take over the convo....right? So prepare it! Otherwise DON'T INVITE HIM. Or in this case...don't read it. Simple. Cuz this back and forth....it reveals a lot about folks...but! I hear ya, my sista...don't think I don't.

fro
quote:
Originally posted by Kocolicious:
However, when you see somethin comin....you have a choice.

And if psychologists are tired of people coming through the doors with problems they don't think are problems....then those psychologists need to change their profession... seriously. Cuz perspection[sp] or what one perceives/projects outwardly is everything to a person seeking help. And what might not be a biggie to one person....can be HUGE to another person.

Also, some folks need to either let it flow...or let it go. Sista K is NOT gonna change. What you see is what you get. And if Tyrone keeps telling the same old story and interrupting at the dinner table....do what Charlie Brown does when he's listening to Lucy[and doesn't want to hurt her feelings]...all he hears when she's talking is "Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa" while smilin'....and you know what? It works. Lucy thinks she got her point across and Charlie is happy she can't tell the difference. Cuz everybody knows if you invite Tyrone he's gonna take over the convo....right? So prepare it! Otherwise DON'T INVITE HIM. Or in this case...don't read it. Simple. Cuz this back and forth....it reveals a lot about folks...but! I hear ya, my sista...don't think I don't.

fro


Agreed....and I get what you are saying about people needing to change professions if they are sick of it; it's a sentiment that I share. But I will say that being on that "side" of the couch, I now UnderStand another aspect of why we have the "revolving door" in the psych field.

On another note, I've always respected your take on history and I am working on SomeThing that I'd like your input on. Myself and several others are going over the sinking of the Titanic. I don't think it a coincidence that the ship sank 400 miles off of the coast...and I don't think it a coincidence that many died the way they did, given who was on the ship...and given where a lot of their wealth came from.

I'm trying to go over this phenomena while paralleling it with the events leading up to and during Slavery, the Middle Passage, and after.

Do you have any insights you'd like to share regarding this? Feel free to PM me or even start a thread. I'd be more than interested in what you have to say, Lady!

"Wisdom Is A Woman Appreciating Charlie Brown!"
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
quote:
This is getting hilarious.. clearly you are incapable of solving the problem (if it is indeed solvable)


The only solution that will be acceptable to you is for everyone to validate your pain as the normal state. But I fear that you will continue to be frustrated/disappointed because most people recognize that a day celebrating fatherhood is not about you or the pain your father caused you.


Your conclusion would be true for someone who does that.. and if that were the point.. However, none of that applies to me.. and has nothing to do with the purpose, spirit or direction of questioning I've presented.. It is highly and unnecessarily speculative.. a red herring.. and is quite silly... The point was asking if it were possible to bridge the gap of understanding..

This means that for those that experience happiness on Father's Day to understand and empathize with those who do not...

My question was in general, but not to deal with me specifically.. I've only stated that I've had this experience.. not that it is a personal problem every year personally.. that's something you all have run with to avoid dealing with the fact that Father's Day is not experienced the same by everyone.. and rather than be okay with that.. you'd rather ask me personally what my problem iuh.. It's a red herring that's used quite often on this board...


I haven't asked anyone about a personal problem.. I've asked them about a position.. you've made this about me...


The responses are addressing issues I haven't brought up or asked about ... and the responses are self congratulatory.. I asked if it were possible to find solutions.. not delve into ego stroking back and forth....

The scenarios presented where someone aggressively asserts their pain is not a position I represent.. nor advocate.. nor do I feel anyone else should tolerate it.. so I'm not sure why there is a response to THAT...

I've stated that more often than not what I've seen are people who are highly insensitive to anyone expressing their pain on that day... and scenarios where those who are intolerant are aggressive in their approach... or even in their discussion.. and from this (not a specific one time event.. but just over time) I ask if it were possible in general to at least understand....

What I've gotten are responses that are insensitive.. suspicious.. and a lot of red herrings.. (What about YOUR daddy sister Khalliqa) who I haven't brought into this discussion.. and then what is ridiculously hilarious is you get upset that you think I've brought up a personal issue... Roll Eyes

Interesting....

quote:
Originally posted by ShayaButHer:

Now, I could lie about it and Sugar Coat it...I could take the "Oh Honey, You Poor Thang"



There are other approaches that do not require your sugar..

1. You could address the actual question...

2. Instead of assuming someone's motive, you could ask..

3. If you feel strongly that someone is creating drama by asking about solutions to solve community problems.. you could refrain from entering the discussion...



quote:
Originally posted by Malik:

I can't judge how another person deals with their burdens, because I don't know what those burdens are, and I don't know if I could deal with them half as well. All I can say is, there are some ways of expressing pain that I just can't hear, and I can't hear you when your pain collides with my dignity. I can empathize, I can tolerate, but I can't understand unless you find a different way to express it. That's not assigning blame, that's just the way it is.



I find this raw and addresses the question.. even if it is negative... I think this is what I see.. that it is intolerable.. I think if you can't deal .. then you can't.. but that just leaves two very disparate camps in our communities.. It seems to increase every year...

Though I'm not sure anything can be done at this point.. the black community lives in separate realities in many ways...
quote:
Originally posted by Kocolicious:

BTW: Sista K hug I understand where you were going....unfortunately there are others who didn't want to go there....but! It doesn't minimize your question nevertheless. It is an important one and reflect real life issues....even the morning after. So.

fro


This is a question that will come up again... I think my past interactions and arguments with the posters on this thread may prevent them from hearing the question.... it's unfortunate but it happens.. I think if someone else were to pick it up and explain it in a way that will help and that way other's won't be suspicious.. and can have the personality they need asking in a way they understand so the point can be addressed...

I'd really like to see some concrete solutions.. and if not.. at least I would know it had nothing to do with anyone being caught up with my persona that they couldn't address a very painful issue in our community properly...

quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:

"Awwww come on you need a hug.. AND a man! I truly wish happiness for you"

Eek Eek

If this was in response to what I wrote, you have TOTALLY and COMPLETELY misinterpreted the intent of my post! Eek

None of that was supposed to be implied. sck


No it was not.. it was a part summation of an amalgam of responses in general.. and when I wrote it I did not have anything you wrote in mind... Thank you for asking instead of assuming my intent though.. (not meant sarcastically...)
Back to the drawing board...

quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:

I would like suggestions of how to deal with those of us who have irresponsible fathers... who have abusive fathers.. or just bad men in their lives...




quote:
There is becoming a disconnect.. those who are fathers are becoming irritated by the negative expressions of those who are bitter about theirs and are wishing them to at least on fathers day say something positive...


couple a questions:

1. Is the pain of those who are fathers any less valid than the pain of those who are bitter?

2. Are people in that very specific scenario described in the OP being encouraged to say something positive and therefore false about their own deadbeat dad? or something that affirms/honors fatherhood in general?


3. Is this perceived disconnect displayed in conversations between 2 invididuals (on a personal discussion level) or when public officials make broad sweeping indictments of black fathers (for ex. 2 bookclub members discussing their feelings about their no good dads VS. a public official making the no good nigga speech in public venues, articles and on television)


quote:
What do you think about this suggestion?


What was the suggestion that posters were to share their thoughts about? The suggestion that there is a disconnect? or The request for suggestions on how to deal?
Everybody has some sort of 'hurt' from their past, whether it's the lack of a father or something else. That's life!

It should be noted that reasons for feeling a certain way about Father's day varies... and some of those 'reasons' have nothing to do with a bad 'father' experience.

I have friends, who (for religious reasons) do not celebrate Father's Day or even acknowledge it (much less 'honor' it)....

Then, there are those who feel the day is too commercial for their taste & therefore will not participate for that reason.

For others there are cultural differences/reasons for their lack of participation/celebration.

Should we (general) also consider their feelings?

If so, it's gonna be one hell of a loooooong Father's day.
quote:
Originally posted by negrospiritual:
Back to the drawing board...

quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:

I would like suggestions of how to deal with those of us who have irresponsible fathers... who have abusive fathers.. or just bad men in their lives...




quote:
There is becoming a disconnect.. those who are fathers are becoming irritated by the negative expressions of those who are bitter about theirs and are wishing them to at least on fathers day say something positive...


couple a questions:

1. Is the pain of those who are fathers any less valid than the pain of those who are bitter?


I rarely if ever try to measure pain against pain to see which is better.. It's like the Affirmative Action issue.. Is the pain of a white individual whose worked hard and is losing out on a very good opportunity... to fulfill a quota as valid as the person who experiences pain when they are qualified for a position but denied because of the color of their skin... I think there are historical and other issues of justice that come into play when evaluating what should be done.. even as I can't say that a white person's pain is more or less valid..

Individually I can not say... and would feel terrible trying to ... collectively I wouldn't couch it as a pain issue.. I would couch it in its historical and collective scope.. and try to solve the problem rather than try to figure out who has a right to their pain.. we all do.. the question is how will we approach life with one another... when our experiences and desires run counter to one another... Historically, we're a different people.. with different upbringing, expectations and sense of justice... and this plays a part.. as well as how things happen collectively v. personally... but I digress..

I think that the norm and the more stable of the two should be willing to be empathetic with a growing problem in our community.. that doesn't make anyone's pain more or less valid.. it simply seems to me that the stronger of the two should yield to understanding and tolerance...

Again.. of course this precludes someone THROWING it in their faces.. however, someone experiencing what for them is a reality should not generate such anger.. like Malik's post.. He wants to celebrate and admits he can't be empathetic.. well that works for him and you can't MAKE a person be empathetic.. but it certainly would help...

It seems weird to ask the more damaged of the two to be more happy than it does to ask the stronger of the two to be more empathetic... or solution oriented... I suppose like being charitable on Christmas... where you recognize there are children who are sad.. whose sadness does not mean they wish YOU an ill Christmas, just that they do not have the means to participate jovially in the day... so we give gifts.. or try to remember those less fortunate... We don't demand the poor recognize our own good fortune.. We express empathy for those on Thanksgiving... We express empathy for those lonely on Valentines Day and write articles to help alleviate the pain of those who do not have loved ones.. we do not take it personally that they are not celebrating OUR love.. or someone else's love.. somehow we intuitively understand their sorrow and sometimes hurt.. and despair as a LONGING for love... We tend to interpret people's pain from loss or trauma of family as a personal attack however... and do not see them as longing.. we interpret their anger and hurt as trying to rain on our parade...

quote:

2. Are people in that very specific scenario described in the OP being encouraged to say something positive and therefore false about their own deadbeat dad? or something that affirms/honors fatherhood in general?


No... It was a question that began that way and when queried further as I understood how people are taking the question .. I realized I must simplify it even further and try to remove it from anyone feeling like this is strictly personal and I will RESTATE that my intent is simply for us to come up with solutions to bridge the gap that are realistic.. and after my last post I'm only addressing you out of respect for you.. because I've concluded that it isn't possible...

quote:

3. Is this perceived disconnect displayed in conversations between 2 invididuals (on a personal discussion level) or when public officials make broad sweeping indictments of black fathers (for ex. 2 bookclub members discussing their feelings about their no good dads VS. a public official making the no good nigga speech in public venues, articles and on television)


Whereever the disparate attitudes are present.. in personal or public conversation.. the point is the attitude not the venue necessarily..

The point was mentioned early on that no one likes to have PAIN thrust in their face.. so I conceded that if someone is aggressively raining on your parade.. by all means leave.. but for other scenarios where it is discussed as a serious communal problem.. whether someone expresses it personally or whether it is discussed publicly.. or even where someone is asked.. or someone is venting directed at no one in particular... (either way) how do you bridge the gap...? So far, the one consistent answer I've received is basically there is NO bridging the gap.. because there is lack of empathy for anyone who can't celebrate on that day.. The only answer is for them to STOP feeling pain and/or allowing their pain to affect them and celebrate... to me that's not a solution that's an unrealistic and unsympathetic Order.. and so thus there is no solution...


quote:
quote:
What do you think about this suggestion?


What was the suggestion that posters were to share their thoughts about? The suggestion that there is a disconnect? or The request for suggestions on how to deal?


It was written awkwardly.. but the point.. is to receive suggestions on what to do about the growing tension centered around Father's Day with those who are able to celebrate and particularly those who HAVE someone to celebrate in their midst and those who do not.. or find that they can not participate... and the growing frustration of the former with the latter... I've only heard the call for others to shut up about their experiences so I was asking if

1. This is how THIS board feels... -which I've received a YES

2. If so, if there is anything that can be done to bridge the gap of understanding.. so our community won't be torn apart on this day- ? I've received a NO..those who've had negative experiences need to be silenced on this day so that others can be happy

3. If not, where does our community go from here? - I've concluded that going forward there will be a wider disconnect.. and more of one camp looking down and being irritated with the other which in turn will began to cause resentment.. which in turn will be one more issue that tears at any attempts at unity within our community... Because as it stands now frequent salutations on Father's Day are turning into these variations (real examples verbatim culled from facebook sent to out to everyone) and received flak from others who wished people would express positive messages without making mention of those who do not without getting into again this guy sums up the backlash from the following statements "is hoping that we can have a nice Father's Day without all of the absentee father bashing and wishing "Happy Father's Day to mothers who are doing the job of both parents." Mother's Day was in May. Let us have ONE day."

Here are a small snippet of some of the statements that received backlash:

"Happy Father's to all the REAL Father's out there"

"Happy Father's Day to Father's and Not Sperm Donors"

"A Father is a man who is responsible, not someone who is a sperm donor"

"hopes that all Father's had a wonderful day. Father's day isn't really an easy time for me, but thought about ya'll all day, and it helped. Thanks for being such wonderful Daddy's to your kids!"

"There are few tough guys these days they on death row,shot on a hotel balcony, point blank with shot gun pellets, on his doorstep in his wife's arms, at 4am while he slept in his bed with his woman; now-even the gangsters have been taught to shuffle with cough syrup,videos,chinese rifles and block grants, while our families are being torn apart...happy fathers day gentlemen.Protect our babies- teach them to read!"- From a Famous Person on fathers Day

"Happy Father's Day to all the brothers who are being a Father to their child!"

"Happy Fathers day to all the dads that r actually DADS!!"

"Happy Fathers Day to all fathers not sperm donors..." (twice)

"I wish I could give my dad a best father's day award. I guess he did the best he knew how but boy...if that was his best. I'd hate to see if he didn't give a shyt....(*kicks rocks)....... PS My daughter thinks he's dead (not by anything I've told her...but b/c she's only seen him like once or twice and she's 5) For the ladies who grew up with a dad who was present and accounted for.....hug him tight (for me)."

"Happy Fathers Day fellas and ladies who are doing the double duty."

"Good morning all... Happy Fathers Day to all of the Real Fathers and Legal Guardians "

"Happy Father's Day to all the men who are holding their kids up by doing right by them (biological ones & others) and hoping this day will wake up so many of those who are not...."

"Happy Father's Day to my Husband (and father of 4)....and to all the Fathers (and Mothers acting as Fathers) out there holdin' it down for your own clans."

"is grateful for everyone & everything in my life including all you silly Facebookers. If your earthly father is absent, far away or passed on spend today with the One who is a father of the fatherless and a defender of widows because is God in ALWAYS His holy dwelling (Psalm 68:5). Have a wonderful Father's Day out there!"

Some are more harsh than others.. but all received some sort of backlash...

For everyone of these messages that received backlash.. there were messages that were only positive.... usually about that person's own father.. or their husband..

Like this one: "Happy Father's Day to all the stand up Dads out there. I'm proud to know and have known many of you! Love and miss you, Daddy "


This is just on Facebook.. doesn't include Twitter.. personal phone messages... other website debates.. etc... I've just noticed a growing disconnect.. that's all.. and wondered how people like the brother who asked for his ONE day was going to make all of these other people who recognize that Father's Day is difficult to celebrate change so he can have his one day?

I only see those who think like him growing more and more frustrated.. and those who they are upset with growing more and more frustrated as well...

disclaimer: This isn't about the ONE guy I quoted.. This isn't about the FEW statements I've quoted.. This isn't about ME.. This isn't about what only I've experienced.. This is about ALL of it (us).. because it is a shared attitude that looks like it's going to get worse.. and it is beyond Father's Day to me in many ways.. because it is reflective of the different familial experiences we have and how we perceive one another... and what this is going to do to the community in the future...

Again, hopefully someone will take up the issue at a later time whose persona is not so polarizing so people on this board will not become so fixated on possible motive...

Take care... (I'm taking down their comments in a few days.. I just wanted to flesh out and bring an example of what I've been witnessing around me )
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
quote:
Originally posted by negrospiritual:
Back to the drawing board...

quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:

I would like suggestions of how to deal with those of us who have irresponsible fathers... who have abusive fathers.. or just bad men in their lives...




quote:
There is becoming a disconnect.. those who are fathers are becoming irritated by the negative expressions of those who are bitter about theirs and are wishing them to at least on fathers day say something positive...


couple a questions:

1. Is the pain of those who are fathers any less valid than the pain of those who are bitter?


I rarely if ever try to measure pain against pain to see which is better.. It's like the Affirmative Action issue.. Is the pain of a white individual whose worked hard and is losing out on a very good opportunity... to fulfill a quota as valid as the person who experiences pain when they are qualified for a position but denied because of the color of their skin... I think there are historical and other issues of justice that come into play when evaluating what should be done.. even as I can't say that a white person's pain is more or less valid..

Individually I can not say... and would feel terrible trying to ... collectively I wouldn't couch it as a pain issue.. I would couch it in its historical and collective scope.. and try to solve the problem rather than try to figure out who has a right to their pain.. we all do.. the question is how will we approach life with one another... when our experiences and desires run counter to one another... Historically, we're a different people.. with different upbringing, expectations and sense of justice... and this plays a part.. as well as how things happen collectively v. personally... but I digress..

I think that the norm and the more stable of the two should be willing to be empathetic with a growing problem in our community.. that doesn't make anyone's pain more or less valid.. it simply seems to me that the stronger of the two should yield to understanding and tolerance...

Again.. of course this precludes someone THROWING it in their faces.. however, someone experiencing what for them is a reality should not generate such anger.. like Malik's post.. He wants to celebrate and admits he can't be empathetic.. well that works for him and you can't MAKE a person be empathetic.. but it certainly would help...

It seems weird to ask the more damaged of the two to be more happy than it does to ask the stronger of the two to be more empathetic... or solution oriented... I suppose like being charitable on Christmas... where you recognize there are children who are sad.. whose sadness does not mean they wish YOU an ill Christmas, just that they do not have the means to participate jovially in the day... so we give gifts.. or try to remember those less fortunate... We don't demand the poor recognize our own good fortune.. We express empathy for those on Thanksgiving... We express empathy for those lonely on Valentines Day and write articles to help alleviate the pain of those who do not have loved ones.. we do not take it personally that they are not celebrating OUR love.. or someone else's love.. somehow we intuitively understand their sorrow and sometimes hurt.. and despair as a LONGING for love... We tend to interpret people's pain from loss or trauma of family as a personal attack however... and do not see them as longing.. we interpret their anger and hurt as trying to rain on our parade...

quote:

2. Are people in that very specific scenario described in the OP being encouraged to say something positive and therefore false about their own deadbeat dad? or something that affirms/honors fatherhood in general?


No... It was a question that began that way and when queried further as I understood how people are taking the question .. I realized I must simplify it even further and try to remove it from anyone feeling like this is strictly personal and I will RESTATE that my intent is simply for us to come up with solutions to bridge the gap that are realistic.. and after my last post I'm only addressing you out of respect for you.. because I've concluded that it isn't possible...

quote:

3. Is this perceived disconnect displayed in conversations between 2 invididuals (on a personal discussion level) or when public officials make broad sweeping indictments of black fathers (for ex. 2 bookclub members discussing their feelings about their no good dads VS. a public official making the no good nigga speech in public venues, articles and on television)


Whereever the disparate attitudes are present.. in personal or public conversation.. the point is the attitude not the venue necessarily..

The point was mentioned early on that no one likes to have PAIN thrust in their face.. so I conceded that if someone is aggressively raining on your parade.. by all means leave.. but for other scenarios where it is discussed as a serious communal problem.. whether someone expresses it personally or whether it is discussed publicly.. or even where someone is asked.. or someone is venting directed at no one in particular... (either way) how do you bridge the gap...? So far, the one consistent answer I've received is basically there is NO bridging the gap.. because there is lack of empathy for anyone who can't celebrate on that day.. The only answer is for them to STOP feeling pain and/or allowing their pain to affect them and celebrate... to me that's not a solution that's an unrealistic and unsympathetic Order.. and so thus there is no solution...


quote:
quote:
What do you think about this suggestion?


What was the suggestion that posters were to share their thoughts about? The suggestion that there is a disconnect? or The request for suggestions on how to deal?


It was written awkwardly.. but the point.. is to receive suggestions on what to do about the growing tension centered around Father's Day with those who are able to celebrate and particularly those who HAVE someone to celebrate in their midst and those who do not.. or find that they can not participate... and the growing frustration of the former with the latter... I've only heard the call for others to shut up about their experiences so I was asking if

1. This is how THIS board feels... -which I've received a YES

2. If so, if there is anything that can be done to bridge the gap of understanding.. so our community won't be torn apart on this day- ? I've received a NO..those who've had negative experiences need to be silenced on this day so that others can be happy

3. If not, where does our community go from here? - I've concluded that going forward there will be a wider disconnect.. and more of one camp looking down and being irritated with the other which in turn will began to cause resentment.. which in turn will be one more issue that tears at any attempts at unity within our community... Because as it stands now frequent salutations on Father's Day are turning into these variations (real examples verbatim culled from facebook sent to out to everyone) and received flak from others who wished people would express positive messages without making mention of those who do not without getting into again this guy sums up the backlash from the following statements "is hoping that we can have a nice Father's Day without all of the absentee father bashing and wishing "Happy Father's Day to mothers who are doing the job of both parents." Mother's Day was in May. Let us have ONE day."

Here are a small snippet of some of the statements that received backlash:

"Happy Father's to all the REAL Father's out there"

"Happy Father's Day to Father's and Not Sperm Donors"

"A Father is a man who is responsible, not someone who is a sperm donor"

"hopes that all Father's had a wonderful day. Father's day isn't really an easy time for me, but thought about ya'll all day, and it helped. Thanks for being such wonderful Daddy's to your kids!"

"There are few tough guys these days they on death row,shot on a hotel balcony, point blank with shot gun pellets, on his doorstep in his wife's arms, at 4am while he slept in his bed with his woman; now-even the gangsters have been taught to shuffle with cough syrup,videos,chinese rifles and block grants, while our families are being torn apart...happy fathers day gentlemen.Protect our babies- teach them to read!"- From a Famous Person on fathers Day

"Happy Father's Day to all the brothers who are being a Father to their child!"

"Happy Fathers day to all the dads that r actually DADS!!"

"Happy Fathers Day to all fathers not sperm donors..." (twice)

"I wish I could give my dad a best father's day award. I guess he did the best he knew how but boy...if that was his best. I'd hate to see if he didn't give a shyt....(*kicks rocks)....... PS My daughter thinks he's dead (not by anything I've told her...but b/c she's only seen him like once or twice and she's 5) For the ladies who grew up with a dad who was present and accounted for.....hug him tight (for me)."

"Happy Fathers Day fellas and ladies who are doing the double duty."

"Good morning all... Happy Fathers Day to all of the Real Fathers and Legal Guardians "

"Happy Father's Day to all the men who are holding their kids up by doing right by them (biological ones & others) and hoping this day will wake up so many of those who are not...."

"Happy Father's Day to my Husband (and father of 4)....and to all the Fathers (and Mothers acting as Fathers) out there holdin' it down for your own clans."

"is grateful for everyone & everything in my life including all you silly Facebookers. If your earthly father is absent, far away or passed on spend today with the One who is a father of the fatherless and a defender of widows because is God in ALWAYS His holy dwelling (Psalm 68:5). Have a wonderful Father's Day out there!"

Some are more harsh than others.. but all received some sort of backlash...

For everyone of these messages that received backlash.. there were messages that were only positive.... usually about that person's own father.. or their husband..

Like this one: "Happy Father's Day to all the stand up Dads out there. I'm proud to know and have known many of you! Love and miss you, Daddy "


This is just on Facebook.. doesn't include Twitter.. personal phone messages... other website debates.. etc... I've just noticed a growing disconnect.. that's all.. and wondered how people like the brother who asked for his ONE day was going to make all of these other people who recognize that Father's Day is difficult to celebrate change so he can have his one day?

I only see those who think like him growing more and more frustrated.. and those who they are upset with growing more and more frustrated as well...

disclaimer: This isn't about the ONE guy I quoted.. This isn't about the FEW statements I've quoted.. This isn't about ME.. This isn't about what only I've experienced.. This is about ALL of it (us).. because it is a shared attitude that looks like it's going to get worse.. and it is beyond Father's Day to me in many ways.. because it is reflective of the different familial experiences we have and how we perceive one another... and what this is going to do to the community in the future...

Again, hopefully someone will take up the issue at a later time whose persona is not so polarizing so people on this board will not become so fixated on possible motive...

Take care... (I'm taking down their comments in a few days.. I just wanted to flesh out and bring an example of what I've been witnessing around me )


I still don't understand why it is difficult to make a simple statement honoring and celebrating what fatherhood IS without qualifying it with a statement about what fatherhood ISN'T, on a day that's set aside for HONORING, not analyzing, fatherhood. There's plenty of time and space in the remaining 364 days of the year to do that much needed analysis. Personally, I would be happy to participate in that discussion on any other day. In my opinion, Father's Day isn't the occasion for that, even though I understand how the occasion naturally prompts reflection on your personal relationship (or lack thereof) to your father, no matter what kind of father he is or isn't.
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
I suppose it's akin to those who express loneliness on Valentines Day... Not everyone's experiences are the same...

off
It's not even close to that. Not to go off topic, but the gripes of those who express loneliness on Valentines Day or just disdain for the day, it usually ends up two ways:

Men who either complain about not having a woman to love or upset that they're obligated to give their significant other a gift and the significant other (i.e. girlfriend/wife) isn't equally obligated to reciprocate it.

OR...

Women who either complain about not having a man to love or upset that they're not getting a gift (or not enough gifts) from any man.

JMHO
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
I suppose it's akin to those who express loneliness on Valentines Day... Not everyone's experiences are the same...

off
It's not even close to that. Not to go off topic, but the gripes of those who express loneliness on Valentines Day or just disdain for the day, it usually ends up two ways:

Men who either complain about not having a woman to love or upset that they're obligated to give their significant other a gift and the significant other (i.e. girlfriend/wife) isn't equally obligated to reciprocate it.

OR...

Women who either complain about not having a man to love or upset that they're not getting a gift (or not enough gifts) from any man.

JMHO



Jeebus, Huey, you need counseling dude... 20
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:


disclaimer: This isn't about the ONE guy I quoted.. This isn't about the FEW statements I've quoted.. This isn't about ME.. This isn't about what only I've experienced.. This is about ALL of it (us).. because it is a shared attitude that looks like it's going to get worse.. and it is beyond Father's Day to me in many ways.. because it is reflective of the different familial experiences we have and how we perceive one another... and what this is going to do to the community in the future...

Again, hopefully someone will take up the issue at a later time whose persona is not so polarizing so people on this board will not become so fixated on possible motive...

Take care... (I'm taking down their comments in a few days.. I just wanted to flesh out and bring an example of what I've been witnessing around me )




I appreciate your willingness to elaborate further. I tried to go back to the OP because i couldn't understand why the discussion that did ensue was considered a waste. But your latest response paints a broader picture (for me) of where you are coming from and where you wanted the discussion to go.

I've had a long day and i'm a bit loopy right now, so i'll come back and respond more fully after some shut eye.
quote:
Originally posted by negrospiritual:
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
I suppose it's akin to those who express loneliness on Valentines Day... Not everyone's experiences are the same...

off
It's not even close to that. Not to go off topic, but the gripes of those who express loneliness on Valentines Day or just disdain for the day, it usually ends up two ways:

Men who either complain about not having a woman to love or upset that they're obligated to give their significant other a gift and the significant other (i.e. girlfriend/wife) isn't equally obligated to reciprocate it.

OR...

Women who either complain about not having a man to love or upset that they're not getting a gift (or not enough gifts) from any man.

JMHO



*Jeebus, Huey, you need counseling dude... 20



**Counseling for what?...For telling the truth? Confused 19

Anyway, back to the OP.
quote:
disclaimer: This isn't about the ONE guy I quoted.. This isn't about the FEW statements I've quoted.. This isn't about ME.. This isn't about what only I've experienced.. This is about ALL of it (us).. because it is a shared attitude that looks like it's going to get worse.. and it is beyond Father's Day to me in many ways.. because it is reflective of the different familial experiences we have and how we perceive one another... and what this is going to do to the community in the future...


Speaking of 'future'....soon enough....with gays adopting & having babies of their own, there's going to be even more differences/challenges to contend with.

let's see....hmmmm.....households with 2 women in the role of parents...where 'dad' truly IS a sperm donor...

those who wish to 'honor' the day will need to be sensitive to the REAL sperm donor scenario, too.

IMO, this 'difference' will also impact the black community.....children growing up with NO MENTION of a father (deadbeat or otherwise)....

the only 'positive' I see is .... at least they shouldn't have anything 'negative' to say or add to Father's day....well, maybe.

I'm not understanding the need to promote negativity on father's day due to a personal 'daddy' issue.

At some point grown folk really need to seek professional help in figuring out WHY they continue to hold on to an issue that serves no purpose but to stagnate & stifle personal growth.

We all have a story to tell in one form or another...

IMO, therapy is a better option than whining on a day set aside to honor a particular group.

As I think about it, though, maybe it's all a conspiracy....another ploy to cause division within the black community....in other words, can't let the black man get kudos without some negative drama involved (white deadbeat dads are not subjected to the same level of negativity on father's day, IMHO)


interesting. 19
quote:
Originally posted by Fabulous:
quote:
disclaimer: This isn't about the ONE guy I quoted.. This isn't about the FEW statements I've quoted.. This isn't about ME.. This isn't about what only I've experienced.. This is about ALL of it (us).. because it is a shared attitude that looks like it's going to get worse.. and it is beyond Father's Day to me in many ways.. because it is reflective of the different familial experiences we have and how we perceive one another... and what this is going to do to the community in the future...


Speaking of 'future'....soon enough....with gays adopting & having babies of their own, there's going to be even more differences/challenges to contend with.

let's see....hmmmm.....households with 2 women in the role of parents...where 'dad' truly IS a sperm donor...

those who wish to 'honor' the day will need to be sensitive to the REAL sperm donor scenario, too.

IMO, this 'difference' will also impact the black community.....children growing up with NO MENTION of a father (deadbeat or otherwise)....

the only 'positive' I see is .... at least they shouldn't have anything 'negative' to say or add to Father's day....well, maybe.

I'm not understanding the need to promote negativity on father's day due to a personal 'daddy' issue.

At some point grown folk really need to seek professional help in figuring out WHY they continue to hold on to an issue that serves no purpose but to stagnate & stifle personal growth.

We all have a story to tell in one form or another...

IMO, therapy is a better option than whining on a day set aside to honor a particular group.

As I think about it, though, maybe it's all a conspiracy....another ploy to cause division within the black community....in other words, can't let the black man get kudos without some negative drama involved (white deadbeat dads are not subjected to the same level of negativity on father's day, IMHO)


interesting. 19


I liked that, Fab! tfro
There are 365 days in a year. For those men who ARE doing the right thing, all we ask for is one damm day of appreciation. If you wanna bring on the idiots who abandon their children or beat their wives, do it on any of the other 364 days.
As was mentioned before, there are plenty of women who are idiots, but you don’t have the president bringing them up on mothers day! All we ask for is 1 damn day of appreciation to hear a thank-you without any if, ands, or buts! Is that too much to ask for?

Kevin

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