quote:Originally posted by EbonyRose:
.....We all have to play the cards we're dealt. If you're holding a bad hand, I don't think it's right to wish ill of somebody who's luckier than you. You just gotta wait your turn. Sooner or later, you'll get something to smile about, too.
quote:Originally posted by negrospiritual:
....There's gotta be some sort of process that we can create to deal with the feelings that never quite go away, and most likely affect our relationships with everyone else. *shrug*
quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:
Father's Day Dialogue:
Person A: " Let's celebrate Father's Day!"
Person B: " Can't celebrate mine I was abused, molested and/or abandoned, it will be hard for me to be festive"
A: "Well celebrate mine, or celebrate someone who deserves it then"
B:*blinks at the oversight and lack of insensitivity to the admission of trauma* Ummm well.. I'm not really in the mood to celebrate anyone's father.. I'll leave that to you all who are happy about it ..
A: *silence* That's quite childish of you.. well if you can't celebrate it.. then at least keep quiet about your "issues" today.. k?
*smh*
quote:Originally posted by EbonyRose:quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:
Father's Day Dialogue:
Person A: " Let's celebrate Father's Day!"
Person B: " Can't celebrate mine I was abused, molested and/or abandoned, it will be hard for me to be festive"
A: "Well celebrate mine, or celebrate someone who deserves it then"
B:*blinks at the oversight and lack of insensitivity to the admission of trauma* Ummm well.. I'm not really in the mood to celebrate anyone's father.. I'll leave that to you all who are happy about it ..
A: *silence* That's quite childish of you.. well if you can't celebrate it.. then at least keep quiet about your "issues" today.. k?
*smh*
You don't have to answer this, but I was just wondering ...
The 'bad dad' thing notwithstanding ....
Are you generally happy in your life??
More happy than not, I mean ....
quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:quote:Originally posted by EbonyRose:quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:
Father's Day Dialogue:
Person A: " Let's celebrate Father's Day!"
Person B: " Can't celebrate mine I was abused, molested and/or abandoned, it will be hard for me to be festive"
A: "Well celebrate mine, or celebrate someone who deserves it then"
B:*blinks at the oversight and lack of insensitivity to the admission of trauma* Ummm well.. I'm not really in the mood to celebrate anyone's father.. I'll leave that to you all who are happy about it ..
A: *silence* That's quite childish of you.. well if you can't celebrate it.. then at least keep quiet about your "issues" today.. k?
*smh*
You don't have to answer this, but I was just wondering ...
The 'bad dad' thing notwithstanding ....
Are you generally happy in your life??
More happy than not, I mean ....
Why? And should I consider this a negative *bait* into some other point that often happens on this board?
quote:Originally posted by EbonyRose:
You don't have to answer this, but I was just wondering ...
The 'bad dad' thing notwithstanding ....
Are you generally happy in your life??
More happy than not, I mean ....
quote:Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
Ms. K ... I truly wish you healing. Your life's trauma has colored your world to the point that it seems to BE your world. That is really sad.
The person first has to want to heal. You have to decide you're tired of being miserable.quote:Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
Ms. K ... I truly wish you healing.
quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:
...*waits on someone to tell me I need Jesus and HE will be my father*
quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:
"Awwww come on you need a hug.. AND a man! I truly wish happiness for you"
quote:This is getting hilarious.. clearly you are incapable of solving the problem (if it is indeed solvable)
quote:My question was whether it is possible with minds that feel like Father's Day should only be for good fathers.. , to feel any empathy for those who do not celebrate it.. or to understand it.. or to bridge the gap in understanding in general..
Though after the responses I am very sorry I asked... I assumed that I would get more questions than frustration.. hence it is a wasted question.. and I realize that not only within my experience but without it is necessary for the two camps to simply keep their distance from each other on this issue...
I think it's been naivete on my part to assume otherwise...
What I find from reading some of these negative responses is "Wow" the immaturity of some in this so-called "grown" group. We must remember that just cuz folks grow up doesn't that the child[in them] who's been hurt....has. 
That's why we have adults i.e. grown folks STILL dealing with childhood unresolvedissues. And maybe...just maybe days of celebration i.e. Christmas, New Years or yes! Mother and Father's Day have a way of bringing those unresolved issues up again. We are ALL human. Don't take a genius to understand the woes of a child's heart even if the person is GROWN. Now does it? We are becoming so insensitive with the lack of human compassion as a result of success, achievement...whatever...but! However one uses a tool to scratch it out of their head...be it father's day OR mother's day....they SHOULD be able to do just that(this is a message board....even if the message is directed to oneself). It's far better than to be destructive in trying to cope or look for answers down the wrong path. And who is it HURTING anyway....one can just easily troll on by and not respond…. I said that to say this: We are AFFECTED by what happens in our lives...despite if the peanut gallery wants to acknowledge it or not. And it has everything and nothing to do with Father's Day or any other day for that matter.
I understand where you were going....unfortunately there are others who didn't want to go there....but! It doesn't minimize your question nevertheless. It is an important one and reflect real life issues....even the morning after. So.quote:
Okay Koco, I get what you are saying ... but wouldn't it be "better" if the hurting person made it clear that they were seeking [internal] catharsis, rather than [external] solutions? Is that self-awareness/self-acknowledgement the basis for healing?
When one's hurting....there's NO political correct way to find healing. Sometimes...it just drops outta the sky. Or it is the way fluttering of a butterfly. But most times...healing comes a little bit each day. Plus some folks don't mind revealing their insides to get it out while others are not so open and use subliminal methods to search for solutions/truth to heal...but! You know this.quote:Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
Okay Koco, I get what you are saying ... but wouldn't it be "better" if the hurting person made it clear that they were seeking [internal] catharsis, rather than [external] solutions? Is that self-awareness/self-acknowledgement the basis for healing?
quote:Originally posted by Kocolicious:
Originally posted by Kweil4real:quote:
Okay Koco, I get what you are saying ... but wouldn't it be "better" if the hurting person made it clear that they were seeking [internal] catharsis, rather than [external] solutions? Is that self-awareness/self-acknowledgement the basis for healing?
quote:Originally posted by ShayaButHer:It isn't about trying to be "insensitive" to SomeOne who's clearly "going through"....it is about enabling them to take responsibility for their own state of existence and to see how the healthy or UnHealthy actions surrounding that existence affects those who are doing what they are supposed to do.quote:Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
Okay Koco, I get what you are saying ... but wouldn't it be "better" if the hurting person made it clear that they were seeking [internal] catharsis, rather than [external] solutions? Is that self-awareness/self-acknowledgement the basis for healing?
No, it's not fair that we get hurt in life...but we each have a Talk Show story WithIn us. Whether we should put it on BroadCast during SomeOne else's show is the question.
quote:Originally posted by Vox:
And on the subject of father's day, it's worth noting that on father's day, the only "celebrating" that happens if you don't have a father (or a close loved one who is a father) is that you say "happy father's day" to brothers when you see them. If someone is too upset about her father's deficiencies to be able to do that, the obvious solution is to simply not say "happy father's day" to anybody.
No one is coming up to a woman saying "happy father's day." No one is saying anything to a woman that would create the opportunity to vent about her father. Methinks that was the problem the OP was aimed at solving.
quote:I believe your words would be prophetic ... if the subject in question was actually 'looking for solutions to heal ... '
But, unfortunately, Ms. Koco, I don't think that's the case here.
But! We don't KNOW that. Do we? And whatever the motivation of this post....or thread is..it is still NOT a VALID reason to be cruel/insenstive when someone is ASKING a question which is poignant to them. No? My suggestion was to just "troll" on by and NOT respond. However, Brotha Kweil inquired " Okay Koco, I get what you are saying ... but wouldn't it be "better" if the hurting person made it clear that they were seeking [internal] catharsis, rather than [external] solutions? Is that self-awareness/self-acknowledgement the basis for healing?." I merely answered him. No more....no less What's alarming to ME...and I'm speaking for myself. All these folks with THE ANSWERS! Dayum! Where were yall during the break down of the BLACK COMMUNITY? We sho coulda used all this eye-opening wisdom back then Dayum if we did, maybe we wouldn't have soooo many focked up uncooked children called adults in mental turmoil today. But! It is what it is. quote:Originally posted by Kocolicious:
BTW: But as I said earlier...FOLKS are sooooo insensitive AND looking for any reason to pounce on someone cuz they think they're being weak by exposing something close to their heart....in my opinion that behavior of lack of compassion is SICK! Bottom line. So if you wanna justify it[to feel big about YOURSELF]...go right ahead it STILL don't/WON'T make it right
quote:Koco, while I UnderStand your frustration, you have to look at it from anotha angle. It is so tiring coming into the forum and seeing the negative, that is often times brought on someone else's occasion....and for what?
You know that I've defended Sista K on numerous occasions, but you know that I wouldn't be Wisdom if I didn't say that I thought the commentary was wrong....and with faulty timing.
Now, I could lie about it and Sugar Coat it...I could take the "Oh Honey, You Poor Thang" approach too...but I've "studied" people too and I can tell you that even the best "students of people" get tired of the shenanigans....and it is the reason why so many psychologists are sick of so many people coming through the doors complaining about problems, that don't have to be problems.
SomeTimes we create our own drama...and I'm sorry to have to say this, but I think K knows she creates a lot of drama for herself in this forum.
....and while I try to be positive, I'm just gon say that, "Darlin, it gets OLD SomeTimes!"
Now I'm likeable enough to her when I'm agreeing with her and I take the risk of having to get flack from others when I do: so why is it when I ask her to "come up" I'm being mean? The Lil Bus Comment? You of all people should know this, but isn't that the Old Skool Way of saying, "Mmmm hmmmm Tyrone...will you pass me the greens????"....when Tyrone continues to act a fool even though everybody done already "heard" him?
I got it Sista Shaya....but! There's a lot of folks up in here who are NO angels. Whether it's drama or not....still they have the power to just ignore commentary they feel is negative. But they don't and I hate FAKE people. I've had my spin with Sista K...so I know...but! It's only negative....when you feed and participate in it. Of course I recognize pain....it comes in diverse images... So. That's why I responded the way I did. However, when you see somethin comin....you have a choice.quote:Originally posted by Kocolicious:
However, when you see somethin comin....you have a choice.
And if psychologists are tired of people coming through the doors with problems they don't think are problems....then those psychologists need to change their profession... seriously. Cuz perspection[sp] or what one perceives/projects outwardly is everything to a person seeking help. And what might not be a biggie to one person....can be HUGE to another person.
Also, some folks need to either let it flow...or let it go. Sista K is NOT gonna change. What you see is what you get. And if Tyrone keeps telling the same old story and interrupting at the dinner table....do what Charlie Brown does when he's listening to Lucy[and doesn't want to hurt her feelings]...all he hears when she's talking is "Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa" while smilin'....and you know what? It works. Lucy thinks she got her point across and Charlie is happy she can't tell the difference. Cuz everybody knows if you invite Tyrone he's gonna take over the convo....right? So prepare it! Otherwise DON'T INVITE HIM. Or in this case...don't read it. Simple. Cuz this back and forth....it reveals a lot about folks...but! I hear ya, my sista...don't think I don't.
quote:Originally posted by Kweli4Real:quote:This is getting hilarious.. clearly you are incapable of solving the problem (if it is indeed solvable)
The only solution that will be acceptable to you is for everyone to validate your pain as the normal state. But I fear that you will continue to be frustrated/disappointed because most people recognize that a day celebrating fatherhood is not about you or the pain your father caused you.
quote:Originally posted by ShayaButHer:
Now, I could lie about it and Sugar Coat it...I could take the "Oh Honey, You Poor Thang"
quote:Originally posted by Malik:
I can't judge how another person deals with their burdens, because I don't know what those burdens are, and I don't know if I could deal with them half as well. All I can say is, there are some ways of expressing pain that I just can't hear, and I can't hear you when your pain collides with my dignity. I can empathize, I can tolerate, but I can't understand unless you find a different way to express it. That's not assigning blame, that's just the way it is.
quote:Originally posted by Kocolicious:
BTW: Sista K
quote:Originally posted by EbonyRose:quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:
"Awwww come on you need a hug.. AND a man! I truly wish happiness for you"
If this was in response to what I wrote, you have TOTALLY and COMPLETELY misinterpreted the intent of my post!
None of that was supposed to be implied.
quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:
I would like suggestions of how to deal with those of us who have irresponsible fathers... who have abusive fathers.. or just bad men in their lives...
quote:There is becoming a disconnect.. those who are fathers are becoming irritated by the negative expressions of those who are bitter about theirs and are wishing them to at least on fathers day say something positive...
quote:What do you think about this suggestion?
quote:Originally posted by negrospiritual:
Back to the drawing board...quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:
I would like suggestions of how to deal with those of us who have irresponsible fathers... who have abusive fathers.. or just bad men in their lives...quote:There is becoming a disconnect.. those who are fathers are becoming irritated by the negative expressions of those who are bitter about theirs and are wishing them to at least on fathers day say something positive...
couple a questions:
1. Is the pain of those who are fathers any less valid than the pain of those who are bitter?
quote:
2. Are people in that very specific scenario described in the OP being encouraged to say something positive and therefore false about their own deadbeat dad? or something that affirms/honors fatherhood in general?
quote:
3. Is this perceived disconnect displayed in conversations between 2 invididuals (on a personal discussion level) or when public officials make broad sweeping indictments of black fathers (for ex. 2 bookclub members discussing their feelings about their no good dads VS. a public official making the no good nigga speech in public venues, articles and on television)
quote:quote:What do you think about this suggestion?
What was the suggestion that posters were to share their thoughts about? The suggestion that there is a disconnect? or The request for suggestions on how to deal?
quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:quote:Originally posted by negrospiritual:
Back to the drawing board...quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:
I would like suggestions of how to deal with those of us who have irresponsible fathers... who have abusive fathers.. or just bad men in their lives...quote:There is becoming a disconnect.. those who are fathers are becoming irritated by the negative expressions of those who are bitter about theirs and are wishing them to at least on fathers day say something positive...
couple a questions:
1. Is the pain of those who are fathers any less valid than the pain of those who are bitter?
I rarely if ever try to measure pain against pain to see which is better.. It's like the Affirmative Action issue.. Is the pain of a white individual whose worked hard and is losing out on a very good opportunity... to fulfill a quota as valid as the person who experiences pain when they are qualified for a position but denied because of the color of their skin... I think there are historical and other issues of justice that come into play when evaluating what should be done.. even as I can't say that a white person's pain is more or less valid..
Individually I can not say... and would feel terrible trying to ... collectively I wouldn't couch it as a pain issue.. I would couch it in its historical and collective scope.. and try to solve the problem rather than try to figure out who has a right to their pain.. we all do.. the question is how will we approach life with one another... when our experiences and desires run counter to one another... Historically, we're a different people.. with different upbringing, expectations and sense of justice... and this plays a part.. as well as how things happen collectively v. personally... but I digress..
I think that the norm and the more stable of the two should be willing to be empathetic with a growing problem in our community.. that doesn't make anyone's pain more or less valid.. it simply seems to me that the stronger of the two should yield to understanding and tolerance...
Again.. of course this precludes someone THROWING it in their faces.. however, someone experiencing what for them is a reality should not generate such anger.. like Malik's post.. He wants to celebrate and admits he can't be empathetic.. well that works for him and you can't MAKE a person be empathetic.. but it certainly would help...
It seems weird to ask the more damaged of the two to be more happy than it does to ask the stronger of the two to be more empathetic... or solution oriented... I suppose like being charitable on Christmas... where you recognize there are children who are sad.. whose sadness does not mean they wish YOU an ill Christmas, just that they do not have the means to participate jovially in the day... so we give gifts.. or try to remember those less fortunate... We don't demand the poor recognize our own good fortune.. We express empathy for those on Thanksgiving... We express empathy for those lonely on Valentines Day and write articles to help alleviate the pain of those who do not have loved ones.. we do not take it personally that they are not celebrating OUR love.. or someone else's love.. somehow we intuitively understand their sorrow and sometimes hurt.. and despair as a LONGING for love... We tend to interpret people's pain from loss or trauma of family as a personal attack however... and do not see them as longing.. we interpret their anger and hurt as trying to rain on our parade...quote:
2. Are people in that very specific scenario described in the OP being encouraged to say something positive and therefore false about their own deadbeat dad? or something that affirms/honors fatherhood in general?
No... It was a question that began that way and when queried further as I understood how people are taking the question .. I realized I must simplify it even further and try to remove it from anyone feeling like this is strictly personal and I will RESTATE that my intent is simply for us to come up with solutions to bridge the gap that are realistic.. and after my last post I'm only addressing you out of respect for you.. because I've concluded that it isn't possible...quote:
3. Is this perceived disconnect displayed in conversations between 2 invididuals (on a personal discussion level) or when public officials make broad sweeping indictments of black fathers (for ex. 2 bookclub members discussing their feelings about their no good dads VS. a public official making the no good nigga speech in public venues, articles and on television)
Whereever the disparate attitudes are present.. in personal or public conversation.. the point is the attitude not the venue necessarily..
The point was mentioned early on that no one likes to have PAIN thrust in their face.. so I conceded that if someone is aggressively raining on your parade.. by all means leave.. but for other scenarios where it is discussed as a serious communal problem.. whether someone expresses it personally or whether it is discussed publicly.. or even where someone is asked.. or someone is venting directed at no one in particular... (either way) how do you bridge the gap...? So far, the one consistent answer I've received is basically there is NO bridging the gap.. because there is lack of empathy for anyone who can't celebrate on that day.. The only answer is for them to STOP feeling pain and/or allowing their pain to affect them and celebrate... to me that's not a solution that's an unrealistic and unsympathetic Order.. and so thus there is no solution...quote:quote:What do you think about this suggestion?
What was the suggestion that posters were to share their thoughts about? The suggestion that there is a disconnect? or The request for suggestions on how to deal?
It was written awkwardly.. but the point.. is to receive suggestions on what to do about the growing tension centered around Father's Day with those who are able to celebrate and particularly those who HAVE someone to celebrate in their midst and those who do not.. or find that they can not participate... and the growing frustration of the former with the latter... I've only heard the call for others to shut up about their experiences so I was asking if
1. This is how THIS board feels... -which I've received a YES
2. If so, if there is anything that can be done to bridge the gap of understanding.. so our community won't be torn apart on this day- ? I've received a NO..those who've had negative experiences need to be silenced on this day so that others can be happy
3. If not, where does our community go from here? - I've concluded that going forward there will be a wider disconnect.. and more of one camp looking down and being irritated with the other which in turn will began to cause resentment.. which in turn will be one more issue that tears at any attempts at unity within our community... Because as it stands now frequent salutations on Father's Day are turning into these variations (real examples verbatim culled from facebook sent to out to everyone) and received flak from others who wished people would express positive messages without making mention of those who do not without getting into again this guy sums up the backlash from the following statements "is hoping that we can have a nice Father's Day without all of the absentee father bashing and wishing "Happy Father's Day to mothers who are doing the job of both parents." Mother's Day was in May. Let us have ONE day."
Here are a small snippet of some of the statements that received backlash:
"Happy Father's to all the REAL Father's out there"
"Happy Father's Day to Father's and Not Sperm Donors"
"A Father is a man who is responsible, not someone who is a sperm donor"
"hopes that all Father's had a wonderful day. Father's day isn't really an easy time for me, but thought about ya'll all day, and it helped. Thanks for being such wonderful Daddy's to your kids!"
"There are few tough guys these days they on death row,shot on a hotel balcony, point blank with shot gun pellets, on his doorstep in his wife's arms, at 4am while he slept in his bed with his woman; now-even the gangsters have been taught to shuffle with cough syrup,videos,chinese rifles and block grants, while our families are being torn apart...happy fathers day gentlemen.Protect our babies- teach them to read!"- From a Famous Person on fathers Day
"Happy Father's Day to all the brothers who are being a Father to their child!"
"Happy Fathers day to all the dads that r actually DADS!!"
"Happy Fathers Day to all fathers not sperm donors..." (twice)
"I wish I could give my dad a best father's day award. I guess he did the best he knew how but boy...if that was his best. I'd hate to see if he didn't give a shyt....(*kicks rocks)....... PS My daughter thinks he's dead (not by anything I've told her...but b/c she's only seen him like once or twice and she's 5) For the ladies who grew up with a dad who was present and accounted for.....hug him tight (for me)."
"Happy Fathers Day fellas and ladies who are doing the double duty."
"Good morning all... Happy Fathers Day to all of the Real Fathers and Legal Guardians "
"Happy Father's Day to all the men who are holding their kids up by doing right by them (biological ones & others) and hoping this day will wake up so many of those who are not...."
"Happy Father's Day to my Husband (and father of 4)....and to all the Fathers (and Mothers acting as Fathers) out there holdin' it down for your own clans."
"is grateful for everyone & everything in my life including all you silly Facebookers. If your earthly father is absent, far away or passed on spend today with the One who is a father of the fatherless and a defender of widows because is God in ALWAYS His holy dwelling (Psalm 68:5). Have a wonderful Father's Day out there!"
Some are more harsh than others.. but all received some sort of backlash...
For everyone of these messages that received backlash.. there were messages that were only positive.... usually about that person's own father.. or their husband..
Like this one: "Happy Father's Day to all the stand up Dads out there. I'm proud to know and have known many of you! Love and miss you, Daddy "
This is just on Facebook.. doesn't include Twitter.. personal phone messages... other website debates.. etc... I've just noticed a growing disconnect.. that's all.. and wondered how people like the brother who asked for his ONE day was going to make all of these other people who recognize that Father's Day is difficult to celebrate change so he can have his one day?
I only see those who think like him growing more and more frustrated.. and those who they are upset with growing more and more frustrated as well...
disclaimer: This isn't about the ONE guy I quoted.. This isn't about the FEW statements I've quoted.. This isn't about ME.. This isn't about what only I've experienced.. This is about ALL of it (us).. because it is a shared attitude that looks like it's going to get worse.. and it is beyond Father's Day to me in many ways.. because it is reflective of the different familial experiences we have and how we perceive one another... and what this is going to do to the community in the future...
Again, hopefully someone will take up the issue at a later time whose persona is not so polarizing so people on this board will not become so fixated on possible motive...
Take care... (I'm taking down their comments in a few days.. I just wanted to flesh out and bring an example of what I've been witnessing around me )
quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:
I suppose it's akin to those who express loneliness on Valentines Day... Not everyone's experiences are the same...
quote:Originally posted by Huey:quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:
I suppose it's akin to those who express loneliness on Valentines Day... Not everyone's experiences are the same...
It's not even close to that. Not to go off topic, but the gripes of those who express loneliness on Valentines Day or just disdain for the day, it usually ends up two ways:
Men who either complain about not having a woman to love or upset that they're obligated to give their significant other a gift and the significant other (i.e. girlfriend/wife) isn't equally obligated to reciprocate it.
OR...
Women who either complain about not having a man to love or upset that they're not getting a gift (or not enough gifts) from any man.
JMHO
quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:
disclaimer: This isn't about the ONE guy I quoted.. This isn't about the FEW statements I've quoted.. This isn't about ME.. This isn't about what only I've experienced.. This is about ALL of it (us).. because it is a shared attitude that looks like it's going to get worse.. and it is beyond Father's Day to me in many ways.. because it is reflective of the different familial experiences we have and how we perceive one another... and what this is going to do to the community in the future...
Again, hopefully someone will take up the issue at a later time whose persona is not so polarizing so people on this board will not become so fixated on possible motive...
Take care... (I'm taking down their comments in a few days.. I just wanted to flesh out and bring an example of what I've been witnessing around me )
quote:Originally posted by negrospiritual:quote:Originally posted by Huey:quote:Originally posted by Khalliqa:
I suppose it's akin to those who express loneliness on Valentines Day... Not everyone's experiences are the same...
It's not even close to that. Not to go off topic, but the gripes of those who express loneliness on Valentines Day or just disdain for the day, it usually ends up two ways:
Men who either complain about not having a woman to love or upset that they're obligated to give their significant other a gift and the significant other (i.e. girlfriend/wife) isn't equally obligated to reciprocate it.
OR...
Women who either complain about not having a man to love or upset that they're not getting a gift (or not enough gifts) from any man.
JMHO
*Jeebus, Huey, you need counseling dude...
quote:disclaimer: This isn't about the ONE guy I quoted.. This isn't about the FEW statements I've quoted.. This isn't about ME.. This isn't about what only I've experienced.. This is about ALL of it (us).. because it is a shared attitude that looks like it's going to get worse.. and it is beyond Father's Day to me in many ways.. because it is reflective of the different familial experiences we have and how we perceive one another... and what this is going to do to the community in the future...
quote:Originally posted by Fabulous:quote:disclaimer: This isn't about the ONE guy I quoted.. This isn't about the FEW statements I've quoted.. This isn't about ME.. This isn't about what only I've experienced.. This is about ALL of it (us).. because it is a shared attitude that looks like it's going to get worse.. and it is beyond Father's Day to me in many ways.. because it is reflective of the different familial experiences we have and how we perceive one another... and what this is going to do to the community in the future...
Speaking of 'future'....soon enough....with gays adopting & having babies of their own, there's going to be even more differences/challenges to contend with.
let's see....hmmmm.....households with 2 women in the role of parents...where 'dad' truly IS a sperm donor...
those who wish to 'honor' the day will need to be sensitive to the REAL sperm donor scenario, too.
IMO, this 'difference' will also impact the black community.....children growing up with NO MENTION of a father (deadbeat or otherwise)....
the only 'positive' I see is .... at least they shouldn't have anything 'negative' to say or add to Father's day....well, maybe.
I'm not understanding the need to promote negativity on father's day due to a personal 'daddy' issue.
At some point grown folk really need to seek professional help in figuring out WHY they continue to hold on to an issue that serves no purpose but to stagnate & stifle personal growth.
We all have a story to tell in one form or another...
IMO, therapy is a better option than whining on a day set aside to honor a particular group.
As I think about it, though, maybe it's all a conspiracy....another ploy to cause division within the black community....in other words, can't let the black man get kudos without some negative drama involved (white deadbeat dads are not subjected to the same level of negativity on father's day, IMHO)
interesting.
