The One....

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Many of you here are married.... some are not...

May I ask of the brothers here....

If you are married... what was it in your wife that moved you to want to spend the rest of your life with her? What were the qualities about this woman?

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But I often feel like men and women (particularly in the Black Community) talk "at" each other "through" our pain and misconceptions.....

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Originally posted by virtue:

If you are not..... What is it that you are looking for?

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Originally posted by HonestBrother:
What I want or am looking for ? .... To be understood. To be appreciated. To be accepted.

That probably sounds very one sided (and maybe even a little self-indulgent). Of course, I think understanding, appreciation, and acceptance should be things I'm also able to give to "the one". But I put it like that because I really don't feel I've ever had that from a sista. Please no one get upset. That's not a general statement about all black women. It's just my experience which I hope will change one day.

I've always been a bit of a trend setter. Very individual. Set on following my own path. Career-wise. In religion. In most things. So I don't fit into any easy stereotype or idea of what a black man should be or strive for. I've always felt judged by black women. Not enough of this or that. Not tall enough. Not Christian enough. Not rich enough or striving enough for wealth. Not street enough. Not Black enough. Etc.

For example, a lot of sistas tell me that I remind them of a preacher. I guess because I'm serious, clean cut, articulate, etc. I fit into that cultural image BUT I'm not a "believer". I've even been on dates with women who thought that I had a "calling" to preach. It never seemed to help to tell them I didn't have the desire to preach. LOL

But anyway, I tried to answer your question. To be accepted for all that I am and to be able to do the same for my partner. To be able to treasure and share one another's essence. Aside from the spark of physical attraction, that's what I'm seeking in a mate.


PS: In the months immediately after I finished my Ph.D., it REALLY ticked me off that the number one song in the country was the one by Destiny's Child - that song "Soldier". Here I was. This young black Ph.D. with a great job, being bombarded with the message that there were no marriageable black men who wanted black women AND AT THE SAME TIME being told by the most desired black women in the country that I wasn't street enough. I nearly popped a blood vessel EVERY time I heard that song....

PSS: So if you ever wondered if there were any brothas NOT into Beyonce, here's one of them - I'm on a beyonce boycott

Just an afterthought.

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Originally posted by Kai:
Peace.....

Sister, the answer to this question requires more space than this medium can provide. I have been blessed to find love, true love....The kind of love which stirs a soul relentlessly, never allowing a moments rest. The quality of love which threatens to burst my heart when I reflect upon the object of my affection.

Upon finding her, there was no choice as to where the rest of my life would be spent...We are together, because we were made for one another..We were simply waiting to find each other.

I agree...Before we can marry one another in truth, we must learn one another..we must also learn ourselves...A work in progress...Indeed..


Considered Well...


Kai

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Nice to see you..... You're married?

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Originally posted by Kai:
Peace....

It's nice to see you as well.

No...I am not married. Not yet...All things in good time. You Know??



Kai

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Please... I don't mean to pry... but... May I ask about whom were you speaking?

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It sounds like you are truly happy....

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Originally posted by Kai:
Peace....

She is someone in my life that I am exploring. I stated in my previous post that Marraige is true once the participants have learned one another.

We are courting...

And I must admit..This is a wonderful trial.

Kai

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You are courting? That's wonderful! May you find what brings you peace... I wish you and her the best... I really do...

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It was nice seeing you again....

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Make sure I get an invite to the wedding....

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I'd love to meet her.....

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Originally posted by HonestBrother:
PSS: So if you ever wondered if there were any brothas NOT into Beyonce, here's one of them - I'm on a beyonce boycott

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Originally posted by virtue:

This must mean you are a man who reflects often and is aware.... you must be well studied and able to communicate in a way that touches the heart of others.... you make a way for people to "see".... one may not call that a "Preacher" or "Mininster".... what would you call it? And what is your Mission? And what part does a woman play along your path?

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Originally posted by HonestBrother:
The love of Truth led me to the life of a scholar.

But with maturity has also come a sense of responsibility to the social world and a devotion to the pursuit of Justice. Beauty is all in all...

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So I'm a scholar, artist, and activist.

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I'll plead the 5th on proclaiming a "Mission". Then you'd really think I was full of it

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Originally posted by virtue:
Scholar of? What type of artist? What type of activist?

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I'll plead the 5th on proclaiming a "Mission". Then you'd really think I was full of it

I don't know what to think, you refuse to share any more.....

Peace,
Virtue

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Originally posted by virtue:


Many of you here are married.... some are not...

May I ask of the brothers here....

If you are married... what was it in your wife that moved you to want to spend the rest of your life with her? What were the qualities about this woman?

If you are not..... What is it that you are looking for?

I apologize if this has been asked before....

But I often feel like men and women (particularly in the Black Community) talk "at" each other "through" our pain and misconceptions.....


Will you answer please? Thank you...



Peace,
Virtue

quote:

quote:

I'll plead the 5th on proclaiming a "Mission". Then you'd really think I was full of it

I don't know what to think, you refuse to share any more.....

Peace,
Virtue

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Originally posted by HonestBrother:


At the risk of sounding grandiose,

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my "mission" is to contribute towards bringing about a Black cultural renaissance. That's MY thing. Or at least what I'm about can be summarized in those words.

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It's why I went into education as a profession. Knowledge is indeed power. And it's at the root of a lot of my other endeavors.

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As a photographer, one thing I'm trying to do is to capture diverse images of African American life. I think it makes a profound difference to the way people see themselves if they actually see themselves. My work in this medium is becoming popular and is showing in local galleries and other venues.

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Another project in which I'm involved as a photographer is working with a local black talent agency. We're trying to identify talent among people in the community, nurture/groom it, and publicize it. It is my belief that a number of problems in the community (especially among men) stems from frustration at the lack of visibility, nurturance of, and support of unrecognized talent/ability.

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As I said above, I also write fiction (presently working on a novel), poetry, and essays - mostly on religion, culture, and philolosophy.

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African American religion/spirituality is an important issue to me. I'm an advocate of cultivating a diversity of healthy black religious expression.

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Is that sharing enough?

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Originally posted by virtue:
May I ask what type of renaissance? ..... Arguably we've had several.... From what are moving from and what are we moving towards?

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It's why I went into education as a profession. Knowledge is indeed power. And it's at the root of a lot of my other endeavors.

How do you assess whether the knowledge you disseminate is absorbed properly? How do you assess its qualitative effect?

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May I ask in what area are you seeking talent?

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I'm honored that you would consider this forum worthy of a glimpse in your world....

Thanks for sharing....

I like to be exposed to the "real" beauty of men.... Black men.... and this usually resides in a place carefully tucked away unless he sees fit to share.... Women rarely ask.... Men rarely show....

I wanted to stop listening to the bickering between us (men and women) and I wanted to see what fondness may lie there....

Is that so bad? Where is the fondness for the Black Woman... Where is the fondness for the Black Man....

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Originally posted by HonestBrother:
It will be a revolution in self-representation and artistic self-conception. We will see as in no time before a great many forms of black life given to an untold number of human aspirations. In moral, intellectual, and aesthetic terms we will discover as in no time before how truly deep it is too be black

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You've inspired me to be more grandiose

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As a professional educator, I teach pre-med students calculus. I don't consider this a great contribution to the world. But rather my background as a mathematician has supplied me with a certain discipline in my habits of thought. A discipline which I use in my other endeavors.

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part of our statement is "to provide exposure in areas that are rare experiences primarily for African Americans in this community: television producing, screenwriting, directing, designing, technical operations, the busines of the arts, acting, commentating, performance, etc."

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And, Virtue, thank you for your cool level head and deep feminine wisdom. I love your contributions to the site

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Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
That does'nt mean love has to be involved. To be honest, a prefer that "love" plays a very minimal role from here on out....

Grrrrr.... Really tried to restrain myself from responding.... but.... grrrrr.....

I have to ask..... What is love to you? Why have you come to the conclusion that it is unnecessary? Honestly the intention behind my question is curiosity and not judgment...


Peace,
Virtue

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Originally posted by virtue:

quote:

Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
That does'nt mean love has to be involved. To be honest, a prefer that "love" plays a very minimal role from here on out....

Grrrrr.... Really tried to restrain myself from responding.... but.... grrrrr.....

I have to ask..... What is love to you? Why have you come to the conclusion that it is unnecessary? Honestly the intention behind my question is curiosity and not judgment...


Peace,
Virtue

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Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:

"Love" is a man made concept that has endured not because it works the majority of the time but because it gives everyone a "warm and fuzzy" feeling. It has its place but it does not have the strength to be the bedrock of a relationship. All those who bring out "love is the cornerstone of my happy relationship" tend to be economically stable, fairly rational, and always tout communication and working as partners. Love is pretty much a fringe benefit. Ask anyone who stays in a bad relationship why do they stay and they all bring out the standard rote..."Because I love him/her". Its overrated and unless its supported with other variables, its also a path towards failure. Tina Turner brought about a very good question; "Whats love got to do with it?". The answer....Not a damn thing.

Sigh.....

I don't agree with this.....

Being in a relationship with a person you don't love is torture....

and painful to a degree that is unimaginable....

your soul begans to rot away slowly... and the relationship begans to feel like poison.......

Having no love in a bond like marriage feels like being weighted down with an anchor and released periodically.... drowning but never dying.....

I wish this on no one.....




Peace,
Virtue

quote:

Originally posted by virtue:

quote:

Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:

"Love" is a man made concept that has endured not because it works the majority of the time but because it gives everyone a "warm and fuzzy" feeling. It has its place but it does not have the strength to be the bedrock of a relationship. All those who bring out "love is the cornerstone of my happy relationship" tend to be economically stable, fairly rational, and always tout communication and working as partners. Love is pretty much a fringe benefit. Ask anyone who stays in a bad relationship why do they stay and they all bring out the standard rote..."Because I love him/her". Its overrated and unless its supported with other variables, its also a path towards failure. Tina Turner brought about a very good question; "Whats love got to do with it?". The answer....Not a damn thing.

Sigh.....

I don't agree with this.....

Being in a relationship with a person you don't love is torture....

and painful to a degree that is unimaginable....

your soul begans to rot away slowly... and the relationship begans to feel like poison.......

Having no love in a bond like marriage feels like being weighted down with an anchor and released periodically.... drowning but never dying.....

I wish this on no one.....




Peace,
Virtue

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Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:

quote:

Originally posted by virtue:

quote:

Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:

"Love" is a man made concept that has endured not because it works the majority of the time but because it gives everyone a "warm and fuzzy" feeling. It has its place but it does not have the strength to be the bedrock of a relationship. All those who bring out "love is the cornerstone of my happy relationship" tend to be economically stable, fairly rational, and always tout communication and working as partners. Love is pretty much a fringe benefit. Ask anyone who stays in a bad relationship why do they stay and they all bring out the standard rote..."Because I love him/her". Its overrated and unless its supported with other variables, its also a path towards failure. Tina Turner brought about a very good question; "Whats love got to do with it?". The answer....Not a damn thing.

Sigh.....

I don't agree with this.....

Being in a relationship with a person you don't love is torture....

and painful to a degree that is unimaginable....

your soul begans to rot away slowly... and the relationship begans to feel like poison.......

Having no love in a bond like marriage feels like being weighted down with an anchor and released periodically.... drowning but never dying.....

I wish this on no one.....




Peace,
Virtue

You can still have love, but that should not be the foundation that the relationship is standing on. The concept of love just does'nt have the muscle to carry the weight. Plus mutual respect (garnered from both people fullfilling thier educational, employment, and other goals)has proven to be way more effective. Relationships (in my view) should be processed as K=f(x);

K= Relationships
f=function
x= all variables that will ensure a successful and rewarding partnership.

After all, in the end its about the longevity of a partnership. You can love your partner but the question is...can you work with them?

Tried it..... for 12 years.... doesn't work.... many reasons why.... won't go into it....

But I'm feeling a bit lighthearted right now....

So tell me xxGambitxx..... K=f(x)?

fuzzy numerology

let's say..... the number two represents duality....

let's say ...... the number one represents the creator or creative consciousness...

I want longetivity and staying power out of a relationship.......

Well....

K=177.5 squared (male and female)
f=113 prime

solve for x ..........

duality resting on the foundation of something indivisible....

tell me what you see?.....


well.....?



Peace,
Virtue

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Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
LOL! Ahhh dear virtue, the equation is an analysis not an algerbra problem. the x variable is a function of K (relationships). We need things like financial stability, humor, wisdom, etc...to make a relationship work. Love is only a component of this. No one should count on love alone to make their relationship work. Shoot, have enough money in the house and you can afford to put love in garage for little bit (make cupid clean up or something).

I know it's not an algebra problem! I'm just being silly!

Peace,
Virtue

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Originally posted by virtue:

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Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
LOL! Ahhh dear virtue, the equation is an analysis not an algerbra problem. the x variable is a function of K (relationships). We need things like financial stability, humor, wisdom, etc...to make a relationship work. Love is only a component of this. No one should count on love alone to make their relationship work. Shoot, have enough money in the house and you can afford to put love in garage for little bit (make cupid clean up or something).

I know it's not an algebra problem! I'm just being silly!

Peace,
Virtue