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Peace....


One of the most disturbing and bizarre behaviours of some women is "testing" their mate or prospective mate..In this scenario a woman will intentionally challenge the man, annoy him, aggravate him, or reject him, just to see what he will do...Now, the tricky thing here is that she is trying to determine what kind of man you are..So your response is crucial..If she is challenging you she probably wants you to subdue her in a "Masculine" way..You know, put your foot down hard..Yep...

If you..The man... respond with uncertainty, confusion, or passiveness, you can forget about it..She has labeled you a punk or weak..She may never say anything about it..But she will lose alot of respect for you..Or as some call it you will lose "points"..


Many civilized men have been taught to respect women, and to be gentle with a women, and so when she jumps up to challenge the man he may go out of his way to be calm, understanding, patient, and tolerant..you know, say things like "Sweet heart please calm down.."..Sounds good, but she may be thinking "He is such a damn punk".

Let's say a women spots another man in publc..An attractive man..She may decide to flirt a little just to see what you will do once she intentionally tries to make you jealous..Let's say you blow it off and say to yourself, "she just likes to flirt, it harmless, I am not going to overreact and come off like the insecure jealous type".. nonoAh Ah Ah...You will probably lose more points. In said scenario she probably wants to see you get upset..and claim her in front of the other guy..Grab her hand, or come close to her and call her "baby" or something like that...

" He is too nice" "he is too much of a gentlemen" " He is too loving" " He is too understanding"..We have all heard this...Sometimes being bad is good...And being good is Bad...

How is a man suppose to know when to be good or bad for that matter????? Oh hell..



Even God is confused on this one...You can only be bad when she wants you to, and she will not tell you in advance lest she ruin the situation..

She may want you to pull her hair one moment, and the next day she will pull aknife on you if you try to touch her hair..same hair style just a different day..I'll be honest this confuses the hell out of me..



Whirling Moat

"Your Comfort zone is your enemies hunting ground" -Unknown

 

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Peace...


quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
Rolls eyes... good lord...

Shut up, Moat...


ummm... that was woman "tricky" code speak for...

Shut up....



Ahh...A test...

Now, naturally I may be thinking.. "Sister your tone and manner is disrespectful, and I think you should re-evaluate how you speak to me..."

Somrthing like that...

But instead I have to make sure that I respond in a strong way like this


WTF?? WHO THE %$#* YOU THINK YOU TALKIN TO LIKE THAT??... HUH?? HUH!!??? (raising my hand in a menacing way.)YOU BETTA ACK LIKE YOU GOT SOME GOTT DAMN RESPECT?



Whirling Moat
You know, Whirling Moat, it's interesting that you should bring this up. I just had this conversation with a couple of the guys in the chat room on Thursday!! Smile

While I can't divulge all trade secrets here in public (the ladies get real mad at me when I do Big Grin) ... let me just say your best defense for this is to know it's coming (which you seem to have working for you - and unfortunately a lot of guys don't!)... and act upon you first best response (i.e., follow your first mind)!!

If you're not sure what that is (i.e., you find yourself in a state of ek Confused ek)... choose the one you don't think is right! Wink
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
Let's say a women spots another man in publc..An attractive man..She may decide to flirt a little just to see what you will do once she intentionally tries to make you jealous..Let's say you blow it off and say to yourself, "she just likes to flirt, it harmless, I am not going to overreact and come off like the insecure jealous type".. nonoAh Ah Ah...You will probably lose more points. In said scenario she probably wants to see you get upset..and claim her in front of the other guy..Grab her hand, or come close to her and call her "baby" or something like that...

On the rare occasion that a woman does this to me, I don't even trip on her. I immediately go and find some other woman in the vicinity to talk to/flirt with. The message being, "If you want to go play with that dude, then go on and play. I'll have you replaced before the night is out." Cool
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
Let's say a women spots another man in publc..An attractive man..She may decide to flirt a little just to see what you will do once she intentionally tries to make you jealous..Let's say you blow it off and say to yourself, "she just likes to flirt, it harmless, I am not going to overreact and come off like the insecure jealous type".. nonoAh Ah Ah...You will probably lose more points. In said scenario she probably wants to see you get upset..and claim her in front of the other guy..Grab her hand, or come close to her and call her "baby" or something like that...

On the rare occasion that a woman does this to me, I don't even trip on her. I immediately go and find some other woman in the vicinity to talk to/flirt with. The message being, "If you want to go play with that dude, then go on and play. I'll have you replaced before the night is out." Cool


I agree with moving on... why go through all the analyzing and trying to make women to be all mysterious..

If she's with another man, she clearly doesn't want you...
Peace...



quote:
On the rare occasion that a woman does this to me, I don't even trip on her. I immediately go and find some other woman in the vicinity to talk to/flirt with. The message being, "If you want to go play with that dude, then go on and play. I'll have you replaced before the night is out."



I can see this.. I think the only problem it presents is that you are reacting to the illusion of her flirting since she doesn't really have much interest in the other guy in the aforementioned scenario, she is using him to get to know you. Now if she were actually interested in someone else, then hell yeah, there are more fish in the sea...

Whirling Moat
Are you talking about someone you just meet or someone you are in a relationship with, like the early stages or something?

Men like on occasion to beat their chests, so maybe it is just an opportunity to do so.

The thing is, I would be true to me and any reaction or response would totally depend on how I was feeling at the time. I would like to say I would never be manipulated like that, but if a woman is attractive enough to me, I will do all kinds of shit and I know that about me. ON the other hand, if I am not attracted to her, then probably nothing.
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
I can see this.. I think the only problem it presents is that you are reacting to the illusion of her flirting since she doesn't really have much interest in the other guy in the aforementioned scenario, she is using him to get to know you.

And she *is* getting to know me. She's gets to know that flirting with other guys just opens the door for me to find her replacement. The longer she flirts with that dude, the more opportunities I have to find a woman who's into me and knows how to act.

IMO, getting jealous and pulling the "that's my woman" thing only makes me look insecure, and I try not to let women bait me into looking foolish. But, I also won't sit there and pretend that it's ok for her to flirt with other guys in front of me. By refocusing my attention on another woman, she gets reminded that playing silly little games like that can get her quickly booted from the running because it only creates opportunities for her competition.

Besides, Honey's reaction is always the same... Where's my man?... Who's that he's talking to?... Excuse me... and with that, dude is completely forgotten while she hustles off to protect her territory.

The best way to deal with a woman misbehaving is to treat them like a child throwing a temper tantrum... just completely ignore them until they straighten up and come correct.
In my experience the only women that tested men were the dumb ones that do what their girlfriends give them the stamp of approval to do, which is usually the underhanded way women keep each other single--misery loves company. There's a big picture answer that will rectify all this ignorance. You see, if you pay close attention, women, erum, females that play stupid ass games like this are usually the ones that are perpetually single, can't keep a man for more than a few minutes, and are always blaming everyone else for their downfalls but themselves.

The only way women like this can get and keep a boyfriend and possibly marry them is they finally figure out they need to shut the fuck up and let a man be a man. You want to know how to end all the stupid games? Blow her damn mind in bed--blow her mind repeatedly and on different levels of intensity. That way every time you're out in public and she thinks of trying to play one of them "testing" games she'll remember how you had her knees knocking from multiple orgasms and forget the games altogether.

But you know there's always that one special ( Roll Eyes ) woman that will still try a man anyway no matter how good the sex is. That's when she's dumb enough to think she's got a man sprung. You simply laugh at her and keep going or if you really want to fuck with her you respond to a female that's being flirtatious with you. That'll shut her ass up REAL quick. And if she acts the fool because you responded to a flirtatious woman you remind her of an ignorant occasion where she showed out to get attention. Of course all this foolishness can be avoided if you just tell her up front you're not down with being "tested". That shit never works anyway. The only men that fall for that bullshit are the dumbass ones nobody wants but women that have the goal of henpecking a guy after marriage.
Women who play games are flaky...

And men who choose women who are flaky deserve the wasted time spent trying to analyze why they do what they do...

In my experience... when a woman flirts with someone else.. it's because she has moved on...

If you see her doing this.. move on too..

If you believe she's doing it to get to you, you could be wrong.. she could just be gone...

If you are right and are still trying to figure her out, you deserve her and the silliness she brings....

stop calling your experience with your choice to choose silly women as "what women do"...

just admit you haven't really been with one yet...
Peace....



quote:
Women who play games are flaky...

And men who choose women who are flaky deserve the wasted time spent trying to analyze why they do what they do...

In my experience... when a woman flirts with someone else.. it's because she has moved on...

If you see her doing this.. move on too..

If you believe she's doing it to get to you, you could be wrong.. she could just be gone...

If you are right and are still trying to figure her out, you deserve her and the silliness she brings....

stop calling your experience with your choice to choose silly women as "what women do"...

just admit you haven't really been with one yet...

Peace,
Khalliqa


Confused

Who are you directing this to???



Whirling Moat
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
Peace....



quote:
Women who play games are flaky...

And men who choose women who are flaky deserve the wasted time spent trying to analyze why they do what they do...

In my experience... when a woman flirts with someone else.. it's because she has moved on...

If you see her doing this.. move on too..

If you believe she's doing it to get to you, you could be wrong.. she could just be gone...

If you are right and are still trying to figure her out, you deserve her and the silliness she brings....

stop calling your experience with your choice to choose silly women as "what women do"...

just admit you haven't really been with one yet...

Peace,
Khalliqa


Confused

Who are you directing this to???



Whirling Moat


To whomever it may concern...
Peace...



quote:
Women who play games are flaky...


I agree.......

However, I actually figured this out years ago...The hard part is figuring out which women are flaky before you ever waste time engaging them. Women, like men, tend to put their best foot forward when seeking to attract a mate..I guess this is all part of the game..

Most people are liars at the very beginning of a relationship. They are not honest about who they are, what they are, or what their true intentions are. They just want to get close enough to hopefully infect you with a deep connection which later allows the truth to come out with very little collateral damage to the bond.

"You never told me that you used to be a serial killer", "You never told me that you used to be a man" "You never told me that you havc 6 children by 7 different men"...

Part of the art of choosing a good mate is spotting the flaky types before they cross the threshold, I am pretty good at that, however, from time to time, I like to give back to them what they wish to give to me. Just to show them that they aren't the only one with game...


Whirling Moat



Whirling Moat
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
Peace....



quote:
Women who play games are flaky...

And men who choose women who are flaky deserve the wasted time spent trying to analyze why they do what they do...

In my experience... when a woman flirts with someone else.. it's because she has moved on...

If you see her doing this.. move on too..

If you believe she's doing it to get to you, you could be wrong.. she could just be gone...

If you are right and are still trying to figure her out, you deserve her and the silliness she brings....

stop calling your experience with your choice to choose silly women as "what women do"...

just admit you haven't really been with one yet...

Peace,
Khalliqa


Confused

Who are you directing this to???



Whirling Moat


She's trying to direct her post at me. Roll Eyes 20

But what she fails to realize is that every young man should take some time to "analyze" a "flakey" woman so as to make their selection process that much easier in the long run. Even if a man has a good idea of what a "flakey" woman is it helps to have first person experience. If you know what to look out for while engaging in your pursuit of happiness it makes the time you spend looking for happiness a lot less stressful.

Another thing women don't want the general populus of men to know is that there are a lot more "silly" or childish women out there than they want you to believe, otherwise, the divorce rate wouldn't be above 50% and you wouldn't hear so many women crying wolf--complaining about there being no good men left but when they find a good man they always make the disfunctional excuse that he's "too nice" or "too much of a gentleman" or some other irrational "flakey" excuse to hide the fact that they base their attraction to a potential mate on what other women think is an ideal mate or what they read in a romance novel or a character in a daily soap.

A lot of women don't want men to find out that many of them (women) actually don't have their romantic lives figured out. Sorry, ladies but being stuck in an abusive, neglectful, dead end relationship just to say you have a man does not count as a relationship/marriage in my book. And brainwashing yourselves into thinking having a child out of wedlock with no possibility of marrying the biological father is "the most precious gift" is a load of shit too. Don't get me wrong. Everyone makes mistakes but when a woman is determined to catch a man through becoming pregnant or thinking she can make a man grow up by having his child or marrying him she will lose every time.

The point is, men need to have limited exposure to "silly" women and take notes so they will learn what they DON'T want in a potential mate as well as focus more on what they DO want. Many women should interact with the same mindset instead of falling for the first guy that strokes them the right way or trying to make a man someone that he isn't. I've had my share of first person experiences with "flakey" females but that was back in college and during my early twenties when I made the transition from college life to the real world. I learned what I needed to learn from them and moved on. Fooling with them as well as other personality types helped me to narrow my focus on the type of personality traits a woman possesses that best suits my needs.
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:

How is a man suppose to know when to be good or bad for that matter????? Oh hell..


That's the beautiful part about finding yourself. Once you've found yourself and you know who you are, then you'll develop confidence in who you are. Whatever the case may be you will know that your personality characteristics will only attract a certain kind of woman and you will accept that, which means being open to the woman that's right for you instead of chasing after some chick just because she's fine.

And if you've developed your senses to detect those traits that are undesirable in a potential mate you've won half the battle. The tough part is waiting for that right woman to come along. Do you abstain until you come across the right woman or do you go through a series of superficial encounters with females until you come across the right one? Some men prefer to have a little fling from time to time while others choose celibacy.

Society discourages men to be celibate. You keep to yourself and people start thinking you're gay or strange because people are so used to men, particularly, black men, being promiscuous and leaving a string of fatherless children all over town. The point is, if you've done the best you can to know yourself and have confidence in yourself the right woman will accept you for who you are. Therefore, there is no "good" or "Bad" way to act. She will want you for who you are.
Peace...


quote:
That's the beautiful part about finding yourself. Once you've found yourself and you know who you are, then you'll develop confidence in who you are. Whatever the case may be you will know that your personality characteristics will only attract a certain kind of woman and you will accept that, which means being open to the woman that's right for you instead of chasing after some chick just because she's fine.


I agree with you here..If you notice I said "some" women play these confusing games. The truth is that I have known women of every caliber who engage in these experiments with their mates. It seems that some women prefer this method of discovery while others are perhaps more intuitive or are naturally more in tuned with their man.

I asked certain questions here as part of an investigation into the thinking of women, not necessarily as a way to find out how to deal with women or how to avoid certain kinds of women. I have plenty of know how in the aforementioned.

At the end of the day I still want to know if women even know the equation for their own thinking when it comes to men.



Whirling Moat
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
Peace...


quote:
That's the beautiful part about finding yourself. Once you've found yourself and you know who you are, then you'll develop confidence in who you are. Whatever the case may be you will know that your personality characteristics will only attract a certain kind of woman and you will accept that, which means being open to the woman that's right for you instead of chasing after some chick just because she's fine.


I agree with you here..If you notice I said "some" women play these confusing games. The truth is that I have known women of every caliber who engage in these experiments with their mates. It seems that some women prefer this method of discovery while others are perhaps more intuitive or are naturally more in tuned with their man.

I asked certain questions here as part of an investigation into the thinking of women, not necessarily as a way to find out how to deal with women or how to avoid certain kinds of women. I have plenty of know how in the aforementioned.

At the end of the day I still want to know if women even know the equation for their own thinking when it comes to men.



Whirling Moat


These women ain't going to tell you the truth maaaannnnnnnn! What do you think this is? Oprah.com? Naw man. Come over here into my office and let me tell you what's up:

Women don't want to tell you what they think they want to tell you what they want you to know. Half of these women that do know what's going on actually like keeping men in the dark. Women love to have the upper hand and having the upper hand gives men the impression that women always know the right answer, the right thing to do for every situation when in actuality, keeping men in the dark gives women the leeway they need to figure issues out and develop a plan of action while most men that aren't proactive and interpersonally savvy are just sitting there uninformed and out of the loop--in other words looking stupid. I like to call it the Foxworthy effect. The rest of the women are just as clueless as the men. The dumb women just go along with the unsaid rule the smart women have mandated in order to look like they know what they're doing, thereby, not demystifying the myth of omnipotence many women try to lead you to believe they possess.
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
At the end of the day I still want to know if women even know the equation for their own thinking when it comes to men.



Whirling Moat


If you want to know what a particular woman thinks... ask her... if you don't like the answer or are suspicious of her motives decide if its best to talk to her about it ...

or jet...

If you want to know what some women on the board think... then place your query in the women's section for more probable response...

Talking to men about women will only get you the male assumption of women... it could be right or it could be wrong... but it would seem easier to go to women and give them the benefit of the doubt regarding their own minds...

If you have experience with women then you should know that we are not all the same...
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
At the end of the day I still want to know if women even know the equation for their own thinking when it comes to men.



Whirling Moat


If you want to know what a particular woman thinks... ask her... if you don't like the answer or are suspicious of her motives decide if its best to talk to her about it ...

or jet...

If you want to know what some women on the board think... then place your query in the women's section for more probable response...

Talking to men about women will only get you the male assumption of women... it could be right or it could be wrong... but it would seem easier to go to women and give them the benefit of the doubt regarding their own minds...

If you have experience with women then you should know that we are not all the same...


I don't recall the women on this discussion board ever being afraid to venture into the den to get themselves involved in a man's conversation. Gonna have to do better than that.
what a coinky dinky 19


in the past, there was a dude i was kinda fond of. we hit it off and could talk...really talk. But then, he did a "test" and told me something that wasn't true. When i asked him about it his response was "i just wanted to test you so i could see what your reaction would be in this type of situation"...

sck sck sck

my fondness for him instantly drained away.

i chalked it up to a control tactic or a penchant for deceit.


Like lukewarm spittle, i find neither of these useful.

Shoo Fly! cool
Peace...


quote:
These women ain't going to tell you the truth maaaannnnnnnn! What do you think this is? Oprah.com? Naw man. Come over here into my office and let me tell you what's up:




I am a bit more optimistic. While you may see this as a conspiracy, i see it more as a collective personality disorder. While you have an office, I prefer my laboratory..

I want to study the condition...I am not seeking methods for dealing with it..

I don't believe that women really understand the behaviour themselves, hence I raise this subject to shed light on the issue in hopes that by discussing it we can unravel some of the mystery.

I don't think that "testing" in itself is bad, i think that testing a person to raise what is generally described as negative behaviour is bad. A test can be as simple as asking for a cup of coffee...There is nothing inherently wrong with trying to determine where a person is emotionally as it relates to you..However, when a women becomes aggressive toward me to see if I can put her in check..That is a problem...

One of the primary reasons why this is destructive is because there is a positive feedback received by the man when he does put his mate in check, and in his confusion, later when she is not testing him, he will do the same thing at which point she will probably label him as abusive. There is a saying "You teach a person how to treat you". When a women throws a man a cookie for negative behaviour she is teaching him how to treat her...

quote:
Half of these women that do know what's going on actually like keeping men in the dark


I think that at some point every smart hetero-sexual woman would love to bond with a man who is adept at the art of relating to her..I don't agree that half the women who know enjoy keeping men ignorant since by keeping a man in the dark these women would also destroy any possibilty of establishing a meaningful and lasting bond with a man.. most multi-dimensional, mulit-faceted women would very much love to be fully discovered by a worthy man..Women want to be known..They love to be unraveled...Navigated if you will...

Of course they are not just going to yield and give to a man something he may not be worthy of..

Complex women will not make it easy for the male simpleton. These sort wish to deter any would be suitor too lazy, or inadequate to discover who and what she is beneath the surface...



Whirling Moat
Peace....


quote:
If you want to know what a particular woman thinks... ask her... if you don't like the answer or are suspicious of her motives decide if its best to talk to her about it ...


Thanks.....But I have to ask...



WHAT YOU TALKIN BOUT WILLIS???

No seriously..What are you talking about???


quote:
If you want to know what some women on the board think... then place your query in the women's section for more probable response...


I will take that into consideration in the future....





quote:
Talking to men about women will only get you the male assumption of women... it could be right or it could be wrong... but it would seem easier to go to women and give them the benefit of the doubt regarding their own minds...


I thought it better to start it here since going to the women's section may have appeared a bit rude...The subject can be seen as a criticism of women....While it was not a criticism of women in general I wanted to place the thread in an area where the subject would not appear hostile or be deemed as disruptive..

quote:
If you have experience with women then you should know that we are not all the same...


I kinda said that I know that all women aren't the same...I used the word "some"...That would be an indicator right there that I had an idea that some women are different than others...



Whirling Moat
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:

I don't think that "testing" in itself is bad, i think that testing a person to raise what is generally described as negative behaviour is bad.



I think "testing" is bad and men are equally guilty of doing it. Testing is to me, like forcing a type of relationship shorthand. You want the benefit of intimacy (knowing someone well enough to predict their responses) without having done any of the work (getting to know someone, revealing yourself and letting things unfold naturally)


Further it's a a form of deceit and no healthy relationship can be based on deceit.

What kind of control freak needs to use "testing" as a way of managing a love interest? it's really quite creepy. you've sacrificed natural open communication for the sake of putting on a fake show "just to see how they'll react" which is silly because theres no guarantee they will react that way in a natural setting.

testing is a set up, it's a stinky trick, and it robs the other person of honest interaction.

I would advise the brothas against it td6
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
I want to study the condition...I am not seeking methods for dealing with it..

I don't believe that women really understand the behaviour themselves, hence I raise this subject to shed light on the issue in hopes that by discussing it we can unravel some of the mystery.

There you have it... they really don't understand it. That's why taking the advise of women on the sexual motivations of women is such a lost cause.

Women don't use logic when making decisions regarding men. They are emotionally hard-wired to respond to certain stimuli. It either "feels right"... or it "doesn't feel right". Despite the fact that women's social intelligence is far greater than ours... most of it is unconscious. It's effective, but that doesn't mean it can be clearly articulated (by her).

From the moment they meet, and throughout the course of the relationship, men and women are playing a game of social value. The woman always begins this game with the higher status, because she's the one being pursued. The man begins with lower status, because he's the pursuer. It's very similar the "negotiator status" of seller and buyer... he's the seller, and she's the buyer.

A relationship won't begin unless and until the woman perceives that the man's social value is as high as hers. This is when you reach the point of mutual respect. But it is perception based (hers)... and it's perceived through the prism of her emotional hard-wiring.

All of this is, of course, perfectly natural. Men and women are driven toward each other by the biological need to reproduce. But the woman's investment in the process is substantially greater than the man's. Therefore, she is biologically required to be more selective. It simply doesn't make sense for a woman to waste time with a man that she deems to have little (or simply not enough) social value.

This, btw... is what makes women sexually dominant as a gender.

Going back to your original example... the woman in that scenario has perceived that her man has lost some of his social value, or that she herself has gained some. She perceives a gap between her value and his value that she feels she can use to exert some of her sexual dominance... so she does. The man only has two options...

1) Accept her sexual dominance by reacting to her.

or

2) Do something to raise her perception of his social value.

I've always found the latter to be the most effective. That's why I said I would just go off and flirt with another woman. I raise her perception of my social value by getting another woman (or several if possible) to react to/engage with me. It simultaneously gets her concerned about the possible loss of her investment. I also have her questioning her own social value since I didn't react to her sexual dominance.
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
Peace....


quote:
If you want to know what a particular woman thinks... ask her... if you don't like the answer or are suspicious of her motives decide if its best to talk to her about it ...


Thanks.....But I have to ask...



WHAT YOU TALKIN BOUT WILLIS???

No seriously..What are you talking about???


quote:
If you want to know what some women on the board think... then place your query in the women's section for more probable response...


I will take that into consideration in the future....





quote:
Talking to men about women will only get you the male assumption of women... it could be right or it could be wrong... but it would seem easier to go to women and give them the benefit of the doubt regarding their own minds...


I thought it better to start it here since going to the women's section may have appeared a bit rude...The subject can be seen as a criticism of women....While it was not a criticism of women in general I wanted to place the thread in an area where the subject would not appear hostile or be deemed as disruptive..

quote:
If you have experience with women then you should know that we are not all the same...


I kinda said that I know that all women aren't the same...I used the word "some"...That would be an indicator right there that I had an idea that some women are different than others...



Whirling Moat



*at ease* Moat....
I retired my lab coat and closed the doors to my laboratory a long time ago when I hypothesized women's ignorance of proper mate selection, theorized that women make poor choices due to lack of exposure i.e. a positive/present father figure, following the flawed advice of peers, and relying on emotion moreso than logic to make important, life changing decisions. I reached the conclusion, thereby, producing a fact from my theory, that many women either want to keep men in the dark or do not possess the necessary interpersonal skill or cognitive capability to make clear and rational decisions as to engaging in an effective process of mate selection. This is why I'm currently coining the term 'office' as I am of the capacity to consult rather than continue with experimentation.

It's funny--my significant other is an executive director. She's a very accomplished, established, worldly, "complex" individual. She refers to my method of selection as "cold and calculating" when viewed upon paper yet she admits, with the human element added, that she was immediately smitten with me from the first time we met. She is right in that my methods can be percieved as cold and calculating but when mixed with charm, wit, passion, attentiveness, confidence and a strong fashion sense the combination can be irresistable. The point is, a complex woman has the ability to sense when she is in the presence of a capable man. Therefore, she will engage in a mode of observation (take note, ladies) rather than testing a man.

Rather than placing a man into a situation where he is forced to display his positive attributes or the lack thereof through testing him, a woman can simply see for herself whether a man has the right attributes through willful demonstration. From a human resources perspective an employer pays closer attention to what you DON'T say rather than what you do say. In an interpersonal sense, a woman should pay attention to whether a man has the ability to take the initiative in being attentive to her wants and needs as well as follow through with his role as an engaging male--a prospective mate.

A lot of this "testing" comes from women that don't have a good reference of what a real man is, so they concoct a battery of 'tests' that are only designed to measure what they think is supposed to be evidence of male being a good potential mate. So, in other words, these women that test men actually don't know what the hell they're doing and don't know what the hell they're looking for nor do they know what they want. In order for a man to swoon a "complex" woman he must possess some level of complexity himself. In that sense, a complex man would be able to identify the rudamentary behavior of a woman that engages in simpleton testing tactics and would not waste his time with a woman of this nature to begin with beyond a simple dinner date or a conversation over a cup of Chai Tea Latte (or your beverage of choice) at Starbucks.
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
Peace....


One of the most disturbing and bizarre behaviours of some women is "testing" their mate or prospective mate..In this scenario a woman will intentionally challenge the man, annoy him, aggravate him, or reject him, just to see what he will do...Now, the tricky thing here is that she is trying to determine what kind of man you are..So your response is crucial..If she is challenging you she probably wants you to subdue her in a "Masculine" way..You know, put your foot down hard..Yep...

If you..The man... respond with uncertainty, confusion, or passiveness, you can forget about it..She has labeled you a punk or weak..She may never say anything about it..But she will lose alot of respect for you..Or as some call it you will lose "points"..


Many civilized men have been taught to respect women, and to be gentle with a women, and so when she jumps up to challenge the man he may go out of his way to be calm, understanding, patient, and tolerant..you know, say things like "Sweet heart please calm down.."..Sounds good, but she may be thinking "He is such a damn punk".

Let's say a women spots another man in publc..An attractive man..She may decide to flirt a little just to see what you will do once she intentionally tries to make you jealous..Let's say you blow it off and say to yourself, "she just likes to flirt, it harmless, I am not going to overreact and come off like the insecure jealous type".. nonoAh Ah Ah...You will probably lose more points. In said scenario she probably wants to see you get upset..and claim her in front of the other guy..Grab her hand, or come close to her and call her "baby" or something like that...

" He is too nice" "he is too much of a gentlemen" " He is too loving" " He is too understanding"..We have all heard this...Sometimes being bad is good...And being good is Bad...

How is a man suppose to know when to be good or bad for that matter????? Oh hell..



Even God is confused on this one...You can only be bad when she wants you to, and she will not tell you in advance lest she ruin the situation..

She may want you to pull her hair one moment, and the next day she will pull aknife on you if you try to touch her hair..same hair style just a different day..I'll be honest this confuses the hell out of me..



Whirling Moat


Dude, it's real simple. Don't play little boy to her little girl, and find a grown woman who wants a grown man.
quote:
Originally posted by Wiz:
Let a woman be pretty enough and you will dance anyway she wants you to.


Leave that methodology to the dumb dudes that wonder why they've put so much "game" into getting that pretty girl yet can't figure out how at the end of the night their wallet is empty and their balls are still as blue as two little lonely Smurfs. 20
quote:
Originally posted by negrospiritual:
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:

I don't think that "testing" in itself is bad, i think that testing a person to raise what is generally described as negative behaviour is bad.



I think "testing" is bad and men are equally guilty of doing it. Testing is to me, like forcing a type of relationship shorthand. You want the benefit of intimacy (knowing someone well enough to predict their responses) without having done any of the work (getting to know someone, revealing yourself and letting things unfold naturally)


Further it's a a form of deceit and no healthy relationship can be based on deceit.

What kind of control freak needs to use "testing" as a way of managing a love interest? it's really quite creepy. you've sacrificed natural open communication for the sake of putting on a fake show "just to see how they'll react" which is silly because theres no guarantee they will react that way in a natural setting.

testing is a set up, it's a stinky trick, and it robs the other person of honest interaction.

I would advise the brothas against it td6


yeah

I've been done like you described in your earlier post and it's an immediate turn off. It also makes me think the brotha might think he 'can get one over on me' or that I'm 'naive'... if he makes up a test scenario/lie and I actually react to it in an honest fashion, and then find out it was a 'test/game'(not this particular scenario). I do and suggest what BV said... walk away. Games are for kids, who has the nergy/time. I like things simple...
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
I want to study the condition...I am not seeking methods for dealing with it..

I don't believe that women really understand the behaviour themselves, hence I raise this subject to shed light on the issue in hopes that by discussing it we can unravel some of the mystery.

There you have it... they really don't understand it. That's why taking the advise of women on the sexual motivations of women is such a lost cause.

Women don't use logic when making decisions regarding men. They are emotionally hard-wired to respond to certain stimuli. It either "feels right"... or it "doesn't feel right". Despite the fact that women's social intelligence is far greater than ours... most of it is unconscious. It's effective, but that doesn't mean it can be clearly articulated (by her).

From the moment they meet, and throughout the course of the relationship, men and women are playing a game of social value. The woman always begins this game with the higher status, because she's the one being pursued. The man begins with lower status, because he's the pursuer. It's very similar the "negotiator status" of seller and buyer... he's the seller, and she's the buyer.

A relationship won't begin unless and until the woman perceives that the man's social value is as high as hers. This is when you reach the point of mutual respect. But it is perception based (hers)... and it's perceived through the prism of her emotional hard-wiring.

All of this is, of course, perfectly natural. Men and women are driven toward each other by the biological need to reproduce. But the woman's investment in the process is substantially greater than the man's. Therefore, she is biologically required to be more selective. It simply doesn't make sense for a woman to waste time with a man that she deems to have little (or simply not enough) social value.

This, btw... is what makes women sexually dominant as a gender.

Going back to your original example... the woman in that scenario has perceived that her man has lost some of his social value, or that she herself has gained some. She perceives a gap between her value and his value that she feels she can use to exert some of her sexual dominance... so she does. The man only has two options...

1) Accept her sexual dominance by reacting to her.

or

2) Do something to raise her perception of his social value.

I've always found the latter to be the most effective. That's why I said I would just go off and flirt with another woman. I raise her perception of my social value by getting another woman (or several if possible) to react to/engage with me. It simultaneously gets her concerned about the possible loss of her investment. I also have her questioning her own social value since I didn't react to her sexual dominance.


Interesting analysis... 19
quote:
Originally posted by THEBIGDODDY:
quote:
Originally posted by Romulus Burnett:
She is right in that my methods can be percieved as cold and calculating but when mixed with charm, wit, passion, attentiveness, confidence and a strong fashion sense the combination can be irresistable.


Toot toot toot.. laugh


Hey man. What do you want me to do? Lie? It took years of trial and error to get where I am. Just telling the truth how it is.
quote:
Originally posted by Romulus Burnett:
quote:
Originally posted by THEBIGDODDY:
quote:
Originally posted by Romulus Burnett:
She is right in that my methods can be percieved as cold and calculating but when mixed with charm, wit, passion, attentiveness, confidence and a strong fashion sense the combination can be irresistable.


Toot toot toot.. laugh


Hey man. What do you want me to do? Lie? It took years of trial and error to get where I am. Just telling the truth how it is.


I ain't mad at you bruh. I've been through hell and back myself and I'll be the first to tell you that my shit officially no longer stinks. laugh

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