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It's all innocent flirtation, QTY. You know the deal--Avi is in love and about to buy a home with her man--I will soon be walking arcoss the stage with my masters in June, and pursuing my doctorate after taking a year off for MUCH needed rest.

When I'm engaged, I most certainly will let everyone know, otherwise, unless a woman can attest to wearing an engagement that I baught her, I'm still single.
Whats funny is that we've gotten over our "hard times".

Even when posting incessantly, I still appreciated most of the info he spit at as. He's not a stupid man, and yes, sometimes he comes off as cocky. But he has good intentions.

And even though I'm already involved, I can honestly say that if I wasn't he would be the type of man I could see myself spending time with.....


thanks....especially some time with his derriere..... lol
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

You are a cool sister, Avi. At times, especially back then, you can be a little naive, but you're cool.

Okay, I'm going to bury this hatchett once and for all, even in front of all of these strangers--you knew I already knew you were involved from the get -go, Avi. As a matter of fact, I was the one that gave you advice on what to do with your man when he wasn't acting right.

I never had any hard feelings for you then, I didn't have any hafd feelings toward you when that little spat happened, and I don't have any hard feelings toward you now or I wouldn't have invited you to this site.

I think you just got caught up in the moment--there's nothing wrong with that--people make mistakes especially in the contaminated environment where we came from. Well, all of that is behind us and we're in a place where, more often than not, people mind their own business when push comes to shove.

No, I'm not cocky, I'm just a determined, ambitious brother that isn't afraid to speak his mind. All I want is everybody to enjoy themselves and have the freedom to be themselves without having someone impose their own narrow-minded morays and folkways on them.
quote:
Originally posted by IRONHORSE:
You out yo mind, Fagunwa, baaaaaaaa ha ha haha ha ha ha!!!

I like making homophobic dudes shake in their boots.

"Damn, that man's dook startin' to look goot."

BAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

Vox felt threatened by my ass too HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

There's more to come.....


Oh no!!! No more please. But to be honest that ass didn't threaten me at all. I just had the feeling that I wanted to smack it sometimes. My grandchildren looked at the belt in my hand and start laughing (I've never spanked them).
Despite the fact that many members were thrown off by the title of your topic, particularly the term, "subdue," I believe your opening suggestions offer practical advice that anyone, both women and men, could certainly appreciate. Dressing to make a positive impression, wearing unoffensive scents, and maintaing your health and hygiene are important when one is interested in making new friends or even applying for a job. I believe some responders are choosing to focus on the title of your topic, rather than address the content of your writing, because they really have nothing substantial to add to your statements. Others have accused you of being sexist toward women. If this is true, I will discover it eventually and address the problem at that time. In any case, in my area at least, I'm noticing that many men, particularly the youngsters, are neglecting their appearance. Sloppiness seems to almost be "The" new look. I'm in my late twenties and will be interested in marrying soon. However, men my age, are looking alot less attractive and sloppy nowadays. They don't invest in quality clothing, they don't maintain a hair cut, and they eat poorly, which causes them to be overweight. Its a disappointment that I'm having trouble accepting. Therefore, I say keep posting and spreading your message to the brothers. It's definitely needed!
quote:
Dressing to make a positive impression, wearing unoffensive scents, and maintaing your health and hygiene are important when one is interested in making new friends or even applying for a job. I believe some responders are choosing to focus on the title of your topic, rather than address the content of your writing because they really have nothing substantial to add to your statements


Rowe
I thought he was stating the obvious when he made those comments. But apparently not according to your experiences. I assumed the best in my brothas. I assumed that like me that have a wide variety of fragrances. Hygiene, man I can't believe brothas still haven't caught on to smelling fresh. To me, the best impression is Clean (zestfully clean).

Banana Republic and Nordstroms pretty much keep you constantly up to date on what's in season. Women stay in season, so brothas should too. I think class trumps flash and bling anyday. Oh yeah, JC Penny is a good place too, but they force you to use your imagination and be creative. Stay away from the Gap and Old Navy! (I know the women disagree) But I'm speaking on men's clothing.

Oh yeah, and don't wear straw hats like me, unless you're a serious risk taker.

Once you invest in your cleanliness and freshness, you can sit back and watch women make deliberate gestures. I keep in mind the five senses when I make my approach. By the time you reach her see and smell are already taken care of, what comes next is what she hears, if she likes, then she'll definitely want to Taste and Touch.
I just finished reading some of the responses written by Ironhorse in "There is No Male Shortage" thread so that I can get some idea of what his views are on topics related to women and dating. He's a new poster and has already managed to have ruffled quite a few feathers around here. People have described him as "arrogant" and "sexist." I don't see it. His perspective is in agreement with complaints made by other male posters who frequent the site: Women's expectations are "too high," too many women want "thugs," women think they're "all that" because they have status and education, etc., etc. There's nothing different about his perspective. Therefore, I urge all men reading, whether you're a "self-made" man or a thug, ask yourselves this very important question, Am I Offering What I Expect From Women? Whatever your personal standards may be, are you living according to the same standard? Are you fit? Are you maintaining your appearance? Are you healthy? Are you "educated?" More importantly, one cannot boast about having lured the company of beautiful female friends, then with the same breathe accuse women of being "superficial" because they also want to be in the company of handsome men. That's not how it works. REAL women are not going to go through the trouble of making themselves beautiful, attractive, and financially secure while you shiftlessly walk around looking like a piece of shit having nothing to contribute towards building a family. The only woman that you are likely to attract are women with low expectations and low self-esteem. Is that what you all want? You all need to get yourselves together. Period. I speaking about black men, in general.
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quote:
I believe some responders are choosing to focus on the title of your topic, rather than address the content of your writing, because they really have nothing substantial to add to your statements.


You are correct, Rowe. You'll have to forgive my biggest fan, HeruStar, as he drowns in jealousy and vendictiveness.

I hate to have to slow down and actually teach a lesson on creative writing when I encounter people like, HeruStar. You see, there's a stylistic device that newspaper publishing companies employ when putting together titles for articles.(There are actually people employed at newspapers for the sole purpose of creating catchy titles to articles)--it's called ALLITERATION. alliteration is a great help to memory: it is 'catchy', and frequently used in news headlines, corporate names, literary titles, advertising, buzzwords, and nursery rhymes.

In this situation of using the buzzword, SUBDUE, I employed the use of the word under the auspice of the romantic era, which I had explained earlier in another post but it went ignored because certain goons decided to persist in flinging insults, and had the gall to fling in my face, after such blatent display of disorderly conduct--INTELLIGENT.BLACK.COMMUNITY,
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
I just finished reading some of the responses written by Ironhorse in "There is No Male Shortage" thread so that I can get some idea of what his views are on topics related to women and dating. He's a new poster and has already managed to have ruffled quite a few feathers around here. People have described him as "arrogant" and "sexist." I don't see it. His perspective is in agreement with complaints made by other male posters who frequent the site: Women's expectations are "too high," too many women want "thugs," women think they're "all that" because they have status and education, etc., etc. There's nothing different about his perspective. Therefore, I urge all men reading, whether you're a "self-made" man or a thug, ask yourselves this very important question, Am I Offering What I Expect From Women? Whatever your personal standards may be, are you living according to the same standard? Are you fit? Are you maintaining your appearance? Are you healthy? Are you "educated?" More importantly, one cannot boast about having lured the company of beautiful female friends, then with the same breathe accuse women of being "superficial" because they also want to be in the company of handsome men. That's not how it works. REAL women are not going to go through the trouble of making themselves beautiful, attractive, and financially secure for you while you shiftlessly walk around looking like a piece of shit having nothing to contribute towards building a family. The only woman that you are likely to attract are women with low expectations and low self-esteem. Is that what you all want? You all need to get yourselves together. Period. I speaking about black men, in general. This is disgraceful.



SAY IT AGAIN!!! SAY IT AGAIN!!! SAY IT AGAIN, ROWE!!!

thanks bump thanks
You don't need to explain to me why you chose to use the word subdue. I actually have a life, so I don't have time to pick apart one word. You see I'd rather get to the heart of the matter, and that is, the information's content. If the content of your message confirmed a chauvinistic perspective, then we would have had a problem. In any case, as Heru stated, most of the information provided is practical and obvious, which is why I believe most responders had very little to add. In other threads, however, I believe responders did present some very good arguments against your perspective, especially those made by MBM who is usually very good at zeroing in on someone's issues. Just a word of caution: I would be careful in my dealings with him.
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quote:
Originally posted by HeruStar:
quote:
Dressing to make a positive impression, wearing unoffensive scents, and maintaing your health and hygiene are important when one is interested in making new friends or even applying for a job. I believe some responders are choosing to focus on the title of your topic, rather than address the content of your writing because they really have nothing substantial to add to your statements


Rowe
I thought he was stating the obvious when he made those comments. But apparently not according to your experiences. I assumed the best in my brothas. I assumed that like me that have a wide variety of fragrances. Hygiene, man I can't believe brothas still haven't caught on to smelling fresh. To me, the best impression is Clean (zestfully clean).

Banana Republic and Nordstroms pretty much keep you constantly up to date on what's in season. Women stay in season, so brothas should too. I think class trumps flash and bling anyday. Oh yeah, JC Penny is a good place too, but they force you to use your imagination and be creative. Stay away from the Gap and Old Navy! (I know the women disagree) But I'm speaking on men's clothing.

Oh yeah, and don't wear straw hats like me, unless you're a serious risk taker.

Once you invest in your cleanliness and freshness, you can sit back and watch women make deliberate gestures. I keep in mind the five senses when I make my approach. By the time you reach her see and smell are already taken care of, what comes next is what she hears, if she likes, then she'll definitely want to Taste and Touch.


This nigga, HeruStar, has NO shame! BAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA!!! How he gonna reach ALLLLLL the way back AFTER THE FACT of making a fool of himself for 3 pages of posted chidlshness? BAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

bump bump bump bump bump
Hey, Ironhorse, excuse me, but must you refer to him as a "nigga?" That's not right. You shouldn't do that to him. Though we have heated debates around here, we're generally respectful to one another (most of the time Smile). We definitely don't call each other niggas, at least. I think perhaps you need to calm down, just a little?
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
You don't need to explain to me why you chose to use the word subdue. I actually have a life, so I don't have time to pick apart one word. You see I'd rather get to the heart of the matter, and that is, the information's content. If the content of your message confirmed a chauvinistic perspective, then we would have had a problem. In any case, as Heru stated, most of the information provided is practical and obvious, which is why I believe most responders had very little to add. In other threads, however, I believe responders did present some very good arguments against your perspective, especially those made by MBM of course who is usually very good at zeroing in on someone's issues. Just a word of caution: I would be careful in my dealings with him.


Just a question........

Why did you mention, being cautious, when dealing with MBM?
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Why did you mention, being cautious, when dealing with MBM?


I have to be on my way, I'll be back soon, but I just meant that he's not your average "don't know what I'm talking about" poster. Normally, if he responds to your post, its because he has a valid argument to make, so be able to defend your perspective. That's all. No big deal. He's nice.
quote:
I believe responders did present some very good arguments against your perspective, especially those made by MBM, of course, who is usually very good at zeroing in on someone's issues.


I'm glad you had the objective state of mind to target on what is important instead of getting caught up in one word.

I'm also glad you braught up the point about what MBM said. Rowe, if you go back to the begining of the discussion, I said at the begining of the discussion: "After reading a discussion written by, naturallyme, in the "Sista's Spot," I knew, then, that I had come to the right website."

MBM analyzed the discussion I made without, firstly, just asking exactly what the situation was. I made the discussion with the intent of dispelling the believe, at least from my experience, that just because there are a larger number of sisters in gradschool than brothers, that it isn't all gravy for us brothers.

When I expressed what I expressed about my experience in grad school, it, in no way, was a full perspective of my interpersonal life, in no way whatsoever. Now, as far as the dating scene, IN GENERAL, I don't have any problems requesting the presence of a beautiful young woman to accompany me to various social activities.

This is why I felt, MBM, was TOTALLY off base to make this comment as a response to my statement, "I met sisters with a number of excuses or issues that kept them from being romantically available:

quote:
Perhaps they were available, but for whatever reason just not to you.


From that point on, every response to every quote, MBM, made of my discussion was rendered null and void. You can't assume that because of what I said about a few isolated events that they weren't available to me. OF COURSE, first of all, a female isn't going to be available if she is engaged or already married with children or, like I had said before:

quote:
What I found out was a number of sisters that had allowed themselves to be verbally, physically, or emotionally abused and or neglected by black men they've dated or were married to in the past, therefore, they felt the need to put up barriers and employ a sort of 'waiting to exhale' mentality--using the pursuit of a higher education as an alternative to men.


Why the hell was that part of my discussion ignored? Or was it more important solicit the belief that I'm arrogant? Oh, I believe it was more important for MBM to express to the effect that black women should, indeed, be justified in their actions toward all black men because all men are dogs and we all play games--this is what confused me and turned me off the most about MBM's response to my discussion.
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
Hey, Ironhorse, excuse me, but must you refer to him as a "nigga?" That's not right. You shouldn't do that to him. Though we have heated debates around here, we're generally respectful to one another (most of the time Smile). We definitely don't call each other niggas, at least. I think perhaps you need to calm down, just a little?


I most definately responded to him as a "nigga" because when you act like one, that is what you will be called. And yes, when I responded to their childish, beligerent, slanderous insults I said they were behaving "niggerishly," yeah, that's what I said.

I pride myself on also being a good judge of character--it's poor practice to call yourself welcoming someone into a new environment, turning around and insulting them. That, indeed, is tacky, low-class, and NOT what the mission of this website stands for: INTELLIGENT.BLACK.COMMUNITY.

I have explained and expressed my thoughts and views on this matter throughout this one forum, yet, my thoughts and views went ignored and the insults persisted. So, let's see how we handle this situation from this point on.
quote:
Originally posted by IRONHORSE:
It has come to my attention, since reading various discussions in AA.org by other brothers, that they feel black women can be intimidating. Personally, I don't find that to be true, primarily because three strong women raised me in my family. My parents divorced when I was 12 but, unfortunately, the marriage was already doomed to failure years before the divorce. Most of my time was spent learning from my two older sisters and my mother about how to be a man, the rest I ascertained on my own. In essence, I believe I have an edge on the general populous of black males in today's society because I quickly learned how to use the way I was raised to my advantage"”what better teacher to have on how to swoon and romance a woman, understand her strengths and weakness, than a woman? When thinking about interacting romantically with women I like to think along the lines of what Bill Murray's character said in the movie, Caddy Shack: "To be a champion golfer, you have to be the ball."

First thing's first, fellas"”if you haven't already done so, I suggest you develop some platonic friendships with women"”talk with them, listen and learn"”oh, and by the way, before I begin my first lesson, for those of you brothers that already know what the dealie is, keep your condescending comments to yourselves"”this is for the brothers that don't know.

The first thing you should do is to work on your wardrobe. You don't have to dump the clothes you already have and you don't have to make a trip to Neiman Marcus either. There are plenty discount clothing stores where you can pick up an outfit or two. Don't pick clothes just because they are what is hot and now because, first of all, it might not fit your physique or what your true personality is and, secondly, it might not fit the occasion you plan on attending. When putting together an outfit, keep it simple"”earth tone colors that complement your skin tone"”an outfit that isn't baggy and loud but loose fitting and color coordinated.

Next tip"”brothers, you have GOT to use better toiletries"”there is nothing worse than going up to a woman smelling like ass, Ivory soap, and Polo cologne, and don't even get me started with the bad breath"”DAMN! Some of you are going to have to humble yourselves"”ask your female friends or other brothers that you think have it together about tips on finding good toiletries and clothes. I've found that it is best to stay away from cheap soaps, and loud colognes. It's best to use non-scented or lightly scented body washes, and brothers, please take the time to try different colognes"”don't pick cologne just because it's popular"”pick a cologne that matches your body chemistry"”and take a woman with you when you go to the mall.

Okay, here's the coupe de grasse"”there is no such thing as a woman being out of your league. That is a limitation men and women place on themselves because they don't want to overcome their low self-esteem and insecurity. The key to subduing a woman is body language, timing, and attention to detail. When you're at the club, the bookstore or whatever venue you're attending, the first thing you must do is case the area. Locate the woman that appeals to you the most but even then don't approach her right away. Take the time to observe her body language, what she's wearing, the kind of women she's with, whether she's giving brothers the hand that approach her or if she's receptive to them. The next thing to do is place your mind in the mode of interacting with your female friends"”beautiful women are used to brothers dropping their jaws and double-taking"”when you approach a woman, you must approach her as if she is just another person, not the mother of your unborn children.

Within the time it takes to approach a woman, you must pick something out about her, something that the average brother wouldn't notice, and complement her on it. For example, some time ago, I approached a beautiful young sister that beamed with class, and style. When I approached her, I said, "You know, the frames of your glasses fit the bone structure of your face perfectly." She immediately lit up and responded, very warmly, saying, "Oh thank you so much, I just bought these glasses yesterday!" From that point, the barriers were dropped and the conversation flowed naturally. Brothers, this is just a prerequisite--In the interest of not turning this into, yet, another book, I will end here, and answer your questions accordingly.


interesting advice.

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