It has come to my attention, since reading various discussions in AA.org by other brothers, that they feel black women can be intimidating. Personally, I don't find that to be true, primarily because three strong women raised me in my family. My parents divorced when I was 12 but, unfortunately, the marriage was already doomed to failure years before the divorce. Most of my time was spent learning from my two older sisters and my mother about how to be a man, the rest I ascertained on my own. In essence, I believe I have an edge on the general populous of black males in today's society because I quickly learned how to use the way I was raised to my advantage"”what better teacher to have on how to swoon and romance a woman, understand her strengths and weakness, than a woman? When thinking about interacting romantically with women I like to think along the lines of what Bill Murray's character said in the movie, Caddy Shack: "To be a champion golfer, you have to be the ball."
First thing's first, fellas"”if you haven't already done so, I suggest you develop some platonic friendships with women"”talk with them, listen and learn"”oh, and by the way, before I begin my first lesson, for those of you brothers that already know what the dealie is, keep your condescending comments to yourselves"”this is for the brothers that don't know.
The first thing you should do is to work on your wardrobe. You don't have to dump the clothes you already have and you don't have to make a trip to Neiman Marcus either. There are plenty discount clothing stores where you can pick up an outfit or two. Don't pick clothes just because they are what is hot and now because, first of all, it might not fit your physique or what your true personality is and, secondly, it might not fit the occasion you plan on attending. When putting together an outfit, keep it simple"”earth tone colors that complement your skin tone"”an outfit that isn't baggy and loud but loose fitting and color coordinated.
Next tip"”brothers, you have GOT to use better toiletries"”there is nothing worse than going up to a woman smelling like ass, Ivory soap, and Polo cologne, and don't even get me started with the bad breath"”DAMN! Some of you are going to have to humble yourselves"”ask your female friends or other brothers that you think have it together about tips on finding good toiletries and clothes. I've found that it is best to stay away from cheap soaps, and loud colognes. It's best to use non-scented or lightly scented body washes, and brothers, please take the time to try different colognes"”don't pick cologne just because it's popular"”pick a cologne that matches your body chemistry"”and take a woman with you when you go to the mall.
Okay, here's the coupe de grasse"”there is no such thing as a woman being out of your league. That is a limitation men and women place on themselves because they don't want to overcome their low self-esteem and insecurity. The key to subduing a woman is body language, timing, and attention to detail. When you're at the club, the bookstore or whatever venue you're attending, the first thing you must do is case the area. Locate the woman that appeals to you the most but even then don't approach her right away. Take the time to observe her body language, what she's wearing, the kind of women she's with, whether she's giving brothers the hand that approach her or if she's receptive to them. The next thing to do is place your mind in the mode of interacting with your female friends"”beautiful women are used to brothers dropping their jaws and double-taking"”when you approach a woman, you must approach her as if she is just another person, not the mother of your unborn children.
Within the time it takes to approach a woman, you must pick something out about her, something that the average brother wouldn't notice, and complement her on it. For example, some time ago, I approached a beautiful young sister that beamed with class, and style. When I approached her, I said, "You know, the frames of your glasses fit the bone structure of your face perfectly." She immediately lit up and responded, very warmly, saying, "Oh thank you so much, I just bought these glasses yesterday!" From that point, the barriers were dropped and the conversation flowed naturally. Brothers, this is just a prerequisite--In the interest of not turning this into, yet, another book, I will end here, and answer your questions accordingly.