something to think about...

Sandra "Pepa" Denton's remarks does speak to a larger issue in the Black community where a lot of women reject "nice guys" for "bad boys".

 

Now she regrets it because of where "nice guy" Will Smith ended up career wise that would have probably taken her with him if they dated and it worked out with marriage and children.

 

Mostly when a nice guy likes a bad girl, it not about sex as a priority but instead, he sees something internally about her that he really likes. Something  the bad girls doesn't see or know about herself.

 

So the real question for Pepa" is why are you feeling regret now?

 

Will Smith is still a "good guy" despite his high level of success.

 

Is it more regretting for her because Will Smith reached the very top of his profession with a highly successful career ($20 million salary per movie) A-List celebrity, multi-millions in the bank and she possibly being "Mrs. Will Smith" today instead of Jada Pinkett Smith who also elevated with him having a successful career, a loving husband and family?

 

This "nice guy" didn't finish last as expected by society.

 

About 10 years ago, a cousin of mine then in her early 30's who was about the bad boys (she was a bad girl herself) and a baby daddy who treated her badly while she along with him and all her girlfriends, did the usual drinking, drugs and partying every weekend, met a man who was a "good guy" doctor.

 

He really like her, was really smitten by her and they dated.

 

He treated her unlike any man she had ever dated before and he treated her family with the utmost politeness, respect and kindness.

 

He wasn't overbearing, wasn't controlling, wasn't smothering and did all he could to assist her in any way she wanted and that included his helping her with her young daughter who had special needs. They spent quality time together, traveled everywhere (cruises, different cities etc).

 

He loved her and wanted to marry her.

 

She eventually ended the relationship and it baffled everyone to include the boyfriend who could not understand why she all of a sudden, ended it.

 

When they came over one day, I noticed just how uncomfortable she was being around him because despite everything they did together, she felt totally out of place being with him and she finally admitted to her mother that he didn't do anything wrong but he took her totally outside of the normal element that pointed to her changing who she was with her friends and lifestyle and the things that she was accustomed to that made her happy yet in life, she was seeking and searching for the very things he was presenting to her in a boyfriend and possible husband being a kind and caring person and gentlemen.

 

She also regrets it to this very day that she ended the relationship and despite that, he still wanted and retains her friendship to this day and will do anything for her.

 

My "bad boy" older brother had the same problems with a "good girl" because he just couldn't stay out of the streets that had a really strong hold on him.

 

I went over to their home one day and they were just sitting on the couch watching TV. I never saw someone so "out of place" uncomfortable and so annoyed just sitting next to his girlfriend snuggled up on the couch watching a TV show than him because he wanted so badly to leave and hang out in the streets.

  And she's been CRAZY ever since.  I saw a little of that reality show she and Salt did.  And I saw a woman obsessed with her looks so much that it appears she has no character as a woman.  Salt spend endless time trying to talk sense into her..to no avail.  You know....there's something about an old ho.    I can say that cuz she is definitely from that crack and gang banging era....and she has NO idea what quality and value in people are.  To be honest....it's really pitiful.  I just hope and pray she doesn't have ANY children.  Cuz we don't need any more of them coming from twisted uncooked individuals like her!  Just keeping it real yall.  But!

Originally Posted by Cholly:

Sandra "Pepa" Denton's remarks does speak to a larger issue in the Black community where a lot of women reject "nice guys" for "bad boys".

 

Now she regrets it because of where "nice guy" Will Smith ended up career wise that would have probably taken her with him if they dated and it worked out with marriage and children.

 

Mostly when a nice guy likes a bad girl, it not about sex as a priority but instead, he sees something internally about her that he really likes. Something  the bad girls doesn't see or know about herself.

 

So the real question for Pepa" is why are you feeling regret now?

 

Will Smith is still a "good guy" despite his high level of success.

 

Is it more regretting for her because Will Smith reached the very top of his profession with a highly successful career ($20 million salary per movie) A-List celebrity, multi-millions in the bank and she possibly being "Mrs. Will Smith" today instead of Jada Pinkett Smith who also elevated with him having a successful career, a loving husband and family?

 

This "nice guy" didn't finish last as expected by society.

 

About 10 years ago, a cousin of mine then in her early 30's who was about the bad boys (she was a bad girl herself) and a baby daddy who treated her badly while she along with him and all her girlfriends, did the usual drinking, drugs and partying every weekend, met a man who was a "good guy" doctor.

 

He really like her, was really smitten by her and they dated.

 

He treated her unlike any man she had ever dated before and he treated her family with the utmost politeness, respect and kindness.

 

He wasn't overbearing, wasn't controlling, wasn't smothering and did all he could to assist her in any way she wanted and that included his helping her with her young daughter who had special needs. They spent quality time together, traveled everywhere (cruises, different cities etc).

 

He loved her and wanted to marry her.

 

She eventually ended the relationship and it baffled everyone to include the boyfriend who could not understand why she all of a sudden, ended it.

 

When they came over one day, I noticed just how uncomfortable she was being around him because despite everything they did together, she felt totally out of place being with him and she finally admitted to her mother that he didn't do anything wrong but he took her totally outside of the normal element that pointed to her changing who she was with her friends and lifestyle and the things that she was accustomed to that made her happy yet in life, she was seeking and searching for the very things he was presenting to her in a boyfriend and possible husband being a kind and caring person and gentlemen.

 

She also regrets it to this very day that she ended the relationship and despite that, he still wanted and retains her friendship to this day and will do anything for her.

 

My "bad boy" older brother had the same problems with a "good girl" because he just couldn't stay out of the streets that had a really strong hold on him.

 

I went over to their home one day and they were just sitting on the couch watching TV. I never saw someone so "out of place" uncomfortable and so annoyed just sitting next to his girlfriend snuggled up on the couch watching a TV show than him because he wanted so badly to leave and hang out in the streets.

Cholly how many times we see the girl go for the hard looking dude, the so called bad boy. Just because a man speaks good vibes and know how to act in public does not mean he is not hard or can be bad when he needs to, perhaps he is just smart and don't want to advertise what he is all about just by looking at him.

 

A lot of chicks want to be seen with a man that LOOK and ACT like he's bad, a lot of these dudes be fronting but somehow she feels more secure with a guy who looks like he probably have enemies? LOL 

 

Lots of dudes who can open a can of gangsta but don't dress or act like it because they do not want to be perceived that way are actually being more responsible, as a man that is making an underworld living. But a gansta, set on bling and inviting trouble and profiled as such often gets the woman that turns down the guy who simply does have the bad boy LOOK or Persona.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quote by Momentum: "Cholly how many times we see the girl go for the hard looking dude, the so called bad boy. Just because a man speaks good vibes and know how to act in public does not mean he is not hard or can be bad when he needs to, perhaps he is just smart and don't want to advertise what he is all about just by looking at him."

 

How many times?

 

The majority of the time wanting the bad boy for a relationship and as you stated, the common mistake that's made is that the "good guy" also knows how to be hard and how to handle his business and himself when needed without the bad boy outward appearances, attitude and mannerisms.

 

Also, many women who are first and foremost directly involved with the bad boy being single or in marriage with children that eventually ends in divorce, ends up single with multiple kids and/or inadequate constant child support or other financial means coming in and they carry with them the heavy emotional baggage of that previous marriage or relationship directly into future relationships with the good guy they are now seeking "for a much better life" and now the good guy has to deal with all that past emotional baggage on a daily basis.

 

The good girl dates, marries and has children with the bad guy (probably the first guy she fell deeply in love with) who doesn't change his bad boy ways that she in her mind, expected him to change and mature (or thought she can now change him) because we're now married, responsible and accountable with kids.

 

For the good girl, that can be really damaging psychologically.

 

I have heard the emotional battle scars of divorced women I dated in the past who went through hell with their bad boy ex-husband that cause them to be totally non trusting of the now good guy she's dating and extremely protective of their children no matter how good of intentions the good guy has toward her and her kids.

 

I would say of do something (many times just joking) that in my mind, was totally innocent, non aggressive and non threatening and she got totally pissed at me to the point she stopped talking to me and ignoring me for hours.

 

I am totally puzzled while asking "what did I say or do that was wrong?" and once she calmed down hours later, she then tells me that what I either said or did triggered an emotional flashback about her ex-husband negative actions towards her and/or her kids when they were married,

 

And that scenario happened more than once.

 

IMO, the primary job for the good guy dealing with women who carry that emotional baggage to your relationship is to be a trusting and a steady sounding board allowing her to express herself as softly or as loudly as she wants, just listen for the duration each and every time and don't offer any real solutions to her problems because that could signal trouble.

 

Complaining all the time that her kids are wrecking her last nerves BUT if you offer a valid solution, you're crossing the line by in her mind, telling her how to raise her children.

Originally Posted by Cholly:

Quote by Momentum: "Cholly how many times we see the girl go for the hard looking dude, the so called bad boy. Just because a man speaks good vibes and know how to act in public does not mean he is not hard or can be bad when he needs to, perhaps he is just smart and don't want to advertise what he is all about just by looking at him."

 

How many times?

 

The majority of the time wanting the bad boy for a relationship and as you stated, the common mistake that's made is that the "good guy" also knows how to be hard and how to handle his business and himself when needed without the bad boy outward appearances, attitude and mannerisms.

 

Also, many women who are first and foremost directly involved with the bad boy being single or in marriage with children that eventually ends in divorce, ends up single with multiple kids and/or inadequate constant child support or other financial means coming in and they carry with them the heavy emotional baggage of that previous marriage or relationship directly into future relationships with the good guy they are now seeking "for a much better life" and now the good guy has to deal with all that past emotional baggage on a daily basis.

 

The good girl dates, marries and has children with the bad guy (probably the first guy she fell deeply in love with) who doesn't change his bad boy ways that she in her mind, expected him to change and mature (or thought she can now change him) because we're now married, responsible and accountable with kids.

 

For the good girl, that can be really damaging psychologically.

 

I have heard the emotional battle scars of divorced women I dated in the past who went through hell with their bad boy ex-husband that cause them to be totally non trusting of the now good guy she's dating and extremely protective of their children no matter how good of intentions the good guy has toward her and her kids.

 

I would say of do something (many times just joking) that in my mind, was totally innocent, non aggressive and non threatening and she got totally pissed at me to the point she stopped talking to me and ignoring me for hours.

 

I am totally puzzled while asking "what did I say or do that was wrong?" and once she calmed down hours later, she then tells me that what I either said or did triggered an emotional flashback about her ex-husband negative actions towards her and/or her kids when they were married,

 

And that scenario happened more than once.

 

IMO, the primary job for the good guy dealing with women who carry that emotional baggage to your relationship is to be a trusting and a steady sounding board allowing her to express herself as softly or as loudly as she wants, just listen for the duration each and every time and don't offer any real solutions to her problems because that could signal trouble.

 

Complaining all the time that her kids are wrecking her last nerves BUT if you offer a valid solution, you're crossing the line by in her mind, telling her how to raise her children.

I've seen good, sweet girls turned into crack ho's and beat down and treated like crap and 30 years later they get away from that life and revert into the sweet nice person they were before falling for the so called bad boy. 

 

I know this woman I grew up with and she been to hell and back then hell and back over and again because of crack and getting her ass kicked by a dude I knew that was going to destroy her life. He finally got a long prison sentence that gave her enough time and space to beat her crack addiction and return to a normal life. She is a wonderful singer and gets plenty of joy singing in church. It took her decades to return to the sweet, kind person I remember her as kids and her blessing is, she is still a nice looking woman after all the crap she's been through. 

 

Over the years I have always been puzzled why she fell for that gaddam fool, one day I am going to ask her. I feel bad because I actually liked her a lot, my big sister baby sat both of us but for some reason I never pursued her in High School and today she is one of the sweetest people I know. 

 

 

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