From Nykkii:
tigers, do you think this difference in treatment happens with non-black races of men? have you observed it, or in your opinion is it a racially motivated treatment?
The simple answer is yes, and I observed this instances. For example, my Hispanic brothers are thought to have English as a second language, which also Asians as well. I have been in a situation when I had a white younger subordinate with me...and people would go to him before coming to me, assuming he was the boss. With Asians, the assumption was they were techies, and couldn't do anything...quite got pigion-holed into those jobs without considering they may be interested in something. I have also seen situations when a white person will ask a Asian person to read Chinese characters, without thinking that the person may not be Chinese...such as a Phillipino. Hispanic and Native American men, no respect for intelligence, assuming they are only interested in manual work, because they weren't going to stay long. Yes, I think it's racial because none of these individuals were looked as individuals but as people of an ethnic group, basing assumptions on stereotypes.
what your sisters can do to push you forward: ?????? need some imput here as well--we would really like to know!
I don't if I would use the word the push, probably support. To answer, this is a two-part response for me. What happens in the work world vs. home world.
Starting with the work world, I have been very fortunate because the Black women in my work world have been very supportive. When I started as a supervisor, fresh out of college, the Black women were the ones who "raised" me, taught me how to be a supervisor, more importantly, how to carry myself and the ins/outs of corporate culture. The few Black men that were there were so busy making sure they had a job, they didn't have the time to school as much. As I have gotten older, I understand their predicament, they were the trailblazers.
Based on some comments I have heard, there are probably some situations in which a Black men and Black women have been competitive and undercut each other, but in my experience, it hasn't happened. I don't mind competing against anyone, but if it's sister, I want to "win", but I don't, I would rather it go to her than anyone else. Then I will do anything I can make sure she is successful and hope to get the same in return.
The home world is probably the most difficult for a variety of reasons/issues. Starting with premise that man is suppose to be the head of the household, based on Biblical writings and society's norms, the world of work creates conflict. (and as examples of where and how I grew up) As a professional woman, you are responsible for many projects, programs, staff, creative ideas, etc. In addition, our culture has more single-parent homes without the man in the house, so the woman is "boss" at work and "boss" at home. Then, you are "expected" to drop that "leadership" mentality when you get with your man. That's a conflict.
So what does this mean...I am trying to say that men need support, support that may be contrary to the culture or environment of professional women. Women often complain that we don't listen, which I can't deny (smile). The question I have asked of women is that "do you pick the best time for the man to listen to you?" Is it the first minute when he get home or comes over? Do you allow him time to decompress from his day? Do you listen to him complain about his day or do you "compete" and tell him, you had a killer day too and start describing your day before his finishes?
I will be the first to admit that men aren't the greatest communicators...but we can talk. It takes work to listen to us, because we are more guarded with our feelings...For me, I have to develop a lot of trust before I tell you my frustrations. I was taught to be strong, work hard, no matter how you feel. There times I am going to be weak, takes trust for me to expose that side.
Another thread, I think it was negrospiritual said that women want their men to be like their fathers. In some way, men want their woman to "mother" them, i.e., take care of them, listen, etc. Most men don't really ask for what they need, we aren't taught to do that. Women have to learn how to get that info out, and with each man it's different. Our role is to provide the foundation, the strength of the family, that's what I was taught.
To me, the male/female relation is like a circle, with a line dissecting the circle in half. In reality, the line is wavy, representing the strengths and weaknesses of both people. Where I am weak, you are strong, to compensate...and vice versa.
So what does this all mean...support is the key to help the Black man. He (I, we) have enough dragons to slay at work, don't want to "slay" any at home.
Nykkii, I hope this answers your questions.
i appreciate it!!
