So I met this really attractive brother (Vegetarian, brown-skin, big brown eyes, beautifully-groomed locks, and full lips) who manages a vegetarian restaurant that I frequent in Washington, DC. For the three years that I've known him and spent money in his restaurant, he has shown me great interest, requested my telephone number on several occasions, and we have even talked about his son regularly (in the restaurant). Even today, as soon as I enter the restaurant, this brother literally rushes over to greet me and talk to me while seemingly ignoring all other customers. I should also mention that during this three-year time period that I've known him, we have exchanged numbers twice so far. Both exchanges led us nowhere.

Now here comes the really wierd part:

Despite these exchanges leading us nowhere, each and every time that he sees me in the restaurant, he says enthusiastically, "Are you doing anything this weekend??? Maybe I'll give you a call." I say, "Great! I'm looking forward to it!" But he doesn't do it. And whenever I call him, he tells me that he is "out right now" and that he'll have to call me when he gets in the house." But he doesn't do it. And this back and forth goes on for awhile until it starts up again months later. At this juncture, I'm wondering why would someone who seems this much interested in another person not want to talk to the person "off-duty" so to speak. I am also wondering if perhaps the brother has a serious mental illness of some kind, or is really forgetful.

Sistas, what do you think about this guy? I've already written him off as a loser, but based on the information that I've shared, what do you think about the situation?
Original Post
I think he is married or seriousely involved with someone. He is sincerely attracted to you, and probably sincerely likes you, hence his inability to control his impulse to flirt with you EVERY time he sees you. But he is definately commited.

Interestingly, this is a very commen culturally accepted behavior for brothers from Africa(Nigeria/West Africa in particular) and the Caribbean. Flirting is almost an art, and the women are almost insulted if they are not flirted with by a man that everyone knows is married/committed if they run into him a lot. It also is never expected to lead to ANYTHING. .

I really had to adjust to this one, considering I am single. I've missread the intentions of many a flirt in the social/political/cultural circles I run. Not that this applies to your situation

He may just be a case of someone who doesn't know how to 'turn it off'. Either way, he is definately taken.
Peace....



quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
So I met this really attractive brother (Vegetarian, brown-skin, big brown eyes, beautifully-groomed locks, and full lips) who manages a vegetarian restaurant that I frequent in Washington, DC. For the three years that I've known him and spent money in his restaurant, he has shown me great interest, requested my telephone number on several occasions, and we even talk about his son regularly (in the restaurant). As soon as I enter the restaurant, this brother literally trips over himself to greet me at the door and talk to me while ignoring all other customers. I should also mentioned that during this three-year time period that I've known him, we have exchanged numbers twice so far.

Now here comes the wierd part:

Each time that he sees me in the restaurant, he says enthusiastically, "Are you free this weekend? Maybe I'll give you ring up this weekend." I say, "Great! I'm looking forward to it!" But he doesn't do it. And whenever I call him, he tells me that he is "out right now" and that he'll call me when he gets in the house, but he doesn't do it. And this back and forth has gone on like this for years. At this juncture, I'm wondering why would someone who seems this much interested in someone not want to talk to the person after he closes the store. I am also wondering if perhaps he has a psychological problem or is forgetful.

Sistas, what do you think about this guy? I've already long since written him off as a loser, but based on the information that I've shared, what do you think about the situation?


Rowe, I know this is posed to the women but I am gonna give you a man's point of view...Hope you don't mind...

The brother likes you, however, because you probably come off as the kind of woman he would have to take very seriously he is having a problem committing to taking a step into a direction which may mean a long term relationship. He may be just a little nervous about that...But he doen't want you to go far away either because he is probably thinking that as soon as he is ready, he would like to explore this avenue with you...So he wants you to remain baited, ready, and on the verge while he musters the courage and readiness for what you present.

You may have to be patient with this brother...



Kai
quote:
Originally posted by Oshun Auset:
I think he is married or seriousely involved with someone. He is sincerely attracted to you, and probably sincerely likes you, hence his inability to control his impulse to flirt with you EVERY time he sees you. But he is definately commited.


That was some interesting information that you shared about the mating traditions in Africa. I had no idea. But you're probably right. He is committed, and that's OK with me. It's not as if I am waiting by the telephone for him to call. I am continuing to date and see other guys. BUT! I just believe strongly that if someone says that they are going to do something (make a phone call) then they should honor their word. I also believe that you shouldn't offer your telephone number to someone if you do not have the time to talk.
quote:
Originally posted by Saracen:
Peace....Rowe, I know this is posed to the women but I am gonna give you a man's point of view...Hope you don't mind...


Of course I don't mind Saracen. In fact, I am very much looking forward to getting a male perspective about this brother's unusual behavior (antics).

quote:
The brother likes you, however, because you probably come off as the kind of woman he would have to take very seriously he is having a problem committing to taking a step into a direction which may mean a long term relationship. He may be just a little nervous about that...But he doen't want you to go far away either because he is probably thinking that as soon as he is ready, he would like to explore this avenue with you...So he wants you to remain baited, ready, and on the verge while he musters the courage and readiness for what you present.

You may have to be patient with this brother...



And I can appreciate that, but do you really think that it's fair Brother Saracen to keep somone "on-call" like that, especially if the person was really looking forward to hooking up with you one day? You know the first time that I met him, which was when I had no idea that he liked to play these kinds of childish games, I was very much looking forward to eventually going out with him. I mean, I was really looking forward, because he is truly an attractive man. And considering the way that he looked at me and gave me all of his attention whenever I walked through the restaurant doors, I just KNEW that, after work, this brother was going to rush to the telephone to call me. But after one week passed, then another week passed, and another, I got the picture. And imagine how much more disappointed, not to mention frustrated, I was when after each time that I visited the restaurant thereafter, the brother kept making the same promise over and over again. I think that kind of interaction with another human being is inhumane. And you men should not treat women like that.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I also believe hes in a committed relationship.....but enjoys conversing and flirting for the moment.

When i meet a man, i always tell him.....that i cant give, what hes 'not' giving.

I quietly walk away....


Ok, now let me tell everyone what I really think about this brother. I think he is a "Number Hustler," plain and simple. He goes up to "It Girls" or "Nice Girls" to see if he can get an aunthentic telephone number from them. He has absolutely no intention to call, however. It's all a game. The Number Hustler merely wants to see if he can book you, that's all. And if and when an opportunity arises, he'll just take out his little "Black Book," locate your number, and THEN decide to give you a call (at his convenience).

Good Sistas, you need to beware of these Number Hustlers. They are opportunists. nono
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
And imagine how much more disappointed, not to mention frustrated, I was when after each time that I visited the restaurant, he kept making the same promise over and over again. I think that kind of interaction with another human being is inhumane. And you men should not treat women like that.


That is cruel, the brother has to be able to see that you were sincerely interested and should lay off.

quote:
I just believe strongly that if someone says that they are going to do something (make a phone call) then they should honor their word. I also believe that you shouldn't offer your telephone number to someone if you do not have the time to talk.


I agree, that is taking the flirtation to far if you know you can't follow through.

If what Saracen said applies then the brother is a wimp(met a few of them too)...That is a very unnatractive quality.
quote:
Originally posted by Oshun Auset:

That is cruel, the brother has to be able to see that you were sincerely interested and should lay off.

If what Saracen said applies then the brother is a wimp(met a few of them too)...That is a very unnatractive quality.

Quite honestly, this is the first time that I've ever experienced anything like this. Before meeting him, each time that a man had shown interest in me and I showed interest in him, things just kinda jumped off rather quickly from there. The guy generally calls the same day that I give him my telephone, and so I'm taken aback by this gentlemen's behavior. Admittedly, I am also humbled by this experience. Instead of women being courted and chased, are men now expecting women to "chase" them and earn their affection??? Is that the way things are going now, because I can't get with that. I'm a traditional kind of gal. I'm not going to chase a man down, ever. In fact, out of three years that I've known dude, I've only called him three times: Once, after he first offered his telephone number (which was a return phone call that HE initiated) and twice thereafter, upon HIS request. So whatever. I don't have time for phone games.
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
Quite honestly, this is the first time that I've ever experienced anything like this. Before meeting him, each time that a man had shown interest in me and I showed interest in him, things just kinda jumped off rather quickly from there. The guy generally calls the same day that I give him my telephone, and so I'm taken aback by this gentlemen's behavior. Admittedly, I am also humbled by this experience. Ins


Lucky You!

quote:
Intead of women being courted and chased, are men now expecting women to "chase" them and earn their affection??? Is that the way things are going now, because I can't get with that. I'm a traditional kind of gal. I'm not going to chase a man down, ever. In fact, out of three years that I've known dude, I've only called him three times: Once, after he first offered his telephone number (which was a return phone call that HE initiated) and twice thereafter, upon HIS request. So whatever. I don't have time for phone games.


I think that men might not necessarily WANT women to chase after them, but a lot of men expect it because they are used to it. Some get their ego stroked so often by women who chase them that theyir radar gets messed up and they don't think you are interested unless you chase them.

I feel you, I can't do it either. If you want me, you have to chase, court me.
quote:
Originally posted by Oshun Auset:
I think that men might not necessarily WANT women to chase after them, but a lot of men expect it because they are used to it. Some get their ego stroked so often by women who chase them that theyir radar gets messed up and they don't think you are interested unless you chase them.

I feel you, I can't do it either. If you want me, you have to chase, court me.


Precisely. And dude thinks that just because he is good-looking and making a little money, or whatever, that I'm suppose to run his ass down. Think again. I have advanced degrees. I have NO kids. And I earn my own money. I don't need to chase down anyone, ok. OK, now I'm starting to sound "ghetto." Sister Oshun, help me girl. Serioiusly though, I just wanted to get some responses from a wider audience about this that's all. I've talked to a few close people about it. And like you, they believe that he is already commited to someone. They suspect that he is committed to his son's mother - I wouldn't be surprised. Anyway, thanks for talking with me about this. If anyone has any additional points to add to our discussion, I welcome them, and I'll be happy to entertain them.

Thanks.
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by Oshun Auset:
I think that men might not necessarily WANT women to chase after them, but a lot of men expect it because they are used to it. Some get their ego stroked so often by women who chase them that their radar gets messed up and they don't think you are interested unless you chase them.

I feel you, I can't do it either. If you want me, you have to chase, court me.


Precisely. And dude think that just because he is good-looking and making a little money, or whatever, that I'm suppose to run his ass down. Think again. I have advanced degrees. I have NO kids. And I earn my own money. I don't need to chase down anyone, ok. OK, now I'm starting to sound "ghetto."


Lol, you don't sound ghetto, you just are expressing why you aren't in any way a member of the 'desperate' category. Not that all women without an education and and that are single mothers are desperate.

quote:
Sister Oshun, help me girl. Serioiusly though, I justed want to get some responses from a wider audience about this. I've talked to a few other folks about it, and like you, they believe he is already commited to somone. They suspect he is committed to his son's mother - I wouldn't be surprised. Anyway, thanks for talking with me about this. If anyone has any additional points to add to our discussion, I welcome them, and I'll be happy to enterain them.

Thanks.


I wish I could help you girl but I'm suffering from the same messed up dating issues. Watching the expiration date on my fertility draw nearer, lol.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was his BM.
quote:
Originally posted by Oshun Auset:
I wish I could help you girl but I'm suffering from the same messed up dating issues. Watching the expiration date on my fertility draw nearer, lol.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was his BM.


What's frustrating is that in my college years, it was quite easy to hook up with men because they were all located on one central college campus. Now, these men have all graduated and scattered across the country. And my mother recently asked me, "Why is it that you could not find someone to marry in the graduate courses that you had taken?" I told her that most of those men were already old and married. Many of them were just there to finish up the degree program, get their pay raise, and be out. They weren't looking for single women. I attended graduate courses quite young.

So whatever. I'm chilling right now. I don't overstress on the marriage thing until some fool, who seems like a promising catch on the outside, steps to me with a bunch of lies and deception. That, I don't need. I have enough to worry about.

Again, thanks for talking to me about this. You know we sisters got to stick together, because sometimes these men don't act with integrity. Now Brother Saracen, don't take offense, ok? You're a good brother, not a bad brother. And you can still be in our discussion if you want to.
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
Again, thanks for talking to me about this. You know we sisters got to stick together, because sometimes these men don't act with integrity.


No problem. All I request is that you return the favour on my post titled "Falling out of love" in the dating section. I'm really curious what you in particular would think.
Rowe gurl, I think you can do, and deserve way better behaviour.

This brother may be a really nice guy but yes, he's probably committed. Or, he's incredibly lazy and needs a good prod with stick. Roll Eyes

He's what I call the Lazy Flirt... he makes a great (and sincere) effort only when 'you' come into his orbit. This man has no imagination or get up and go. He can't lift a finger to call you? Too busy? Lost his memory? No follow through? Even if there is some tangible reason he can't date you out Right Now, can't he call you and tell you that? Women will be forever be at the beck and call of lazy men... initiating everything.... And how romantic or inspiring is that? NOT.

Enjoy the flirting and flirt back if you want to, but don't invest too much emotional energy in a man so lacking in initiative. Smile
.
Rowe what made you think he was a "Number hustler?" He seems to be more interested in you then that. I think he is married or committed as well, but geniunely interested in you. Did you ever talk to him about this? about how you feel? The next time he flirts with you, you should tell him straight out how you feel.
quote:
I think he is married or seriousely involved with someone. He is sincerely attracted to you, and probably sincerely likes you, hence his inability to control his impulse to flirt with you EVERY time he sees you. But he is definately commited.


Either that or he is gay. Maybe closeted, down-low, or in denial, but never-the-less, gay.

I'm not trying to make light of your situation; but I think that this is a real possibility.
Peace....


quote:
And I can appreciate that, but do you really think that it's fair Brother Saracen to keep somone "on-call" like that, especially if the person was really looking forward to hooking up with you one day?


No, it isn't fair, however, I bet that the brother doesn't think about it in these terms. Unfortunately this can be compared to a person who has something very rare and valuable in their possesion yet have failed to make use of it. In this scenario you shelve the item and you may even allow it to slip your conscious mind, however if anyone asks to use it, or borrow it, you will take hold of it and say "Hell No!!" then refuse to allow anyone near it...You want it for yourself, however, you just can't figure out what to do with it just yet...


quote:
You know the first time that I met him, which was during the time when I had NO IDEA that he liked to play these kinds of games, I was very much looking forward to eventually going out with him. I mean, I was really looking forward, because he is truly an attractive man. And considering the way that he looked at me and gave me all of his attention whenever I walked through the restaurant doors, I just KNEW that, after work, this brother was going to rush to the telephone to call me. But after one week passed, then another week passed, and another, I got the picture. And imagine how much more disappointed, not to mention frustrated, I was when after each time that I visited the restaurant thereafter, the brother kept making the same promise over and over again. I think that kind of interaction with another human being is inhumane. And you men should not treat women like that


Rowe, to be fair, both sexes are guilty of this...However, I do understand your point..

Flirting is fun..and yes, oftimes we men like to hunt, or fish, and sometimes after hooking the prey we simply unhook it and throw it back into the water.

Men have been conditioned in this manner. We receive cool points when we can attract someone of worth..It feels good to be wanted..And I guess if we aren't mindful we will allow our need for female attention to overpower our better judgment.

But in the end I maintain that this man may really have good intentions behind his procrastinations...There is only one way to find out..You may have to give it more time.



Kai
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
this is simple. ask him out and see where it goes from there.


maybe you're right, but I kinda feel that... heck why does Rowe have to make all the moves? Isn't that kind of setting a pattern for what's to follow...?

I understand that the menfolk may know more about what is on his mind, but ask yourselves... is this how you would act with a woman you really like? Would you be happy to wait until 'she' just happens into your restaurant? Leaving it to fate for over, heck, THREE YEARS? Or is it more about convenience?
Seriously? sck
.
Three things:

1)If you're not interested in persuing anything with him, then his "forgetfulness" shouldn't matter to you. Just chalk it up as small talk with a favorite client.

2) If you are interested in dating him, just ask him directly why you two have not been able to make a date. Raheem hit it on the head; instead of assuming what the problem is/could be, get your answer.

3) I'm baffled that women who appear so assertive & assured take such a passive role in finding a partner. By your own admission, you've called him on average once a year. Maybe this guy likes an aggressive woman.
quote:
Originally posted by FireFly:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
this is simple. ask him out and see where it goes from there.


maybe you're right, but I kinda feel that... heck why does Rowe have to make all the moves? Isn't that kind of setting a pattern for what's to follow...?

I understand that the menfolk may know more about what is on his mind, but ask yourselves... is this how [i]you would act with a woman you really like? Would you be happy to wait until 'she' just happens into your restaurant? Leaving it to fate for over, heck, THREE YEARS? Or is it more about convenience? [/I]
Seriously? sck
.


..or your could be missing a chance to meet/date your future husband. If I were you, i'd ask him out ONCE, pay for the date [keep it cheap....something like chinese food or a trip to a free concert in the park...weather permitting of course] and see if he ask you out for a second date...if not, throw his number away and know that he is just playing a game.

to the second part, i can't really answer that. It seems like what someone else was saying about how many men approach every woman they see, maybe to keep their skills sharp, as seen in the nightclub, whether she be the most 'beautifulist thing in this world'{old school rap song title, for those that don't understand} or a plain jane...those women will get the same mack/intro line. From this, both of those women will get the 'i'm hot stuff' feeling when they left that club/bar/church/wherever...something they can brag to their girlfriends about later [mainly b/c many women base their attractiveness level off of the number of men they reject...i learn this from the Psychology of women class i took in college Smile ]. It is difficult to determine his motives, which is why i suggested that you ask him out. He could be a super shy guy/lacks macking skills to close the deal/new to the dating game again after a marriage or LTR breakup/juggling multiple women at the same time/could be a marketing scheme to get you, a single woman, to feel good about his store and return business time after time/is married and like to see if he still got game {you see women, men do this too!!!}, or a host of other reasons that I, and other guys understand easily, but simply will not translate well across gender lines.
again, good luck
Maybe dude is BUSY managing a business. Maybe his life is built around fagotism. Maybe he really likes you but he doesn't know how to close the deal. Maybe you are not the only sista who gets the "exclusive" treatment at the vegan spot. Which leads to...
quote:
If you are interested in dating him, just ask him directly why you two have not been able to make a date. Raheem hit it on the head; instead of assuming what the problem is/could be, get your answer.

RIGHT.... GET THE ANSWER!!!

Or, if you are not interested in DIRECT CONFRONTATION, go back to his establishment, and give him the BRUSH OFF you sisters learn at a young age. Make like he is not around and we he starts his foolishness give him the gas face.

Or, eat elsewhere.

I mean really, how many times do you give this cat the number before you realize that he will NOT call?
quote:
Originally posted by FireFly:
Rowe gurl, I think you can do, and deserve way better behaviour.

This brother may be a really nice guy but yes, he's probably committed. Or, he's incredibly lazy and needs a good prod with stick. Roll Eyes

He's what I call the Lazy Flirt... he makes a great (and sincere) effort only when 'you' come into his orbit. This man has no imagination or get up and go. He can't lift a finger to call you? Too busy? Lost his memory? No follow through? Even if there is some tangible reason he can't date you out Right Now, can't he call you and tell you that? Women will be forever be at the beck and call of lazy men... initiating everything.... And how romantic or inspiring is that? NOT.

Enjoy the flirting and flirt back if you want to, but don't invest too much emotional energy in a man so lacking in initiative. Smile
.


Thanks for the advice!
quote:
Originally posted by msprettygirl:
Rowe what made you think he was a "Number hustler?" He seems to be more interested in you then that. I think he is married or committed as well, but geniunely interested in you. Did you ever talk to him about this? about how you feel? The next time he flirts with you, you should tell him straight out how you feel.


Sister MPG, if I gave him my real number and called him three times, shouldn't it be obvious to him that I was interested, or least willing to give him the opportunity to call me, since on BOTH occasions, the brother asked for MY number first???
quote:
Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
quote:
I think he is married or seriousely involved with someone. He is sincerely attracted to you, and probably sincerely likes you, hence his inability to control his impulse to flirt with you EVERY time he sees you. But he is definately commited.


Either that or he is gay. Maybe closeted, down-low, or in denial, but never-the-less, gay.

I'm not trying to make light of your situation; but I think that this is a real possibility.


Gay men, asking women for their digits? I don't know about that Brother Kweli.
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by msprettygirl:
Rowe what made you think he was a "Number hustler?" He seems to be more interested in you then that. I think he is married or committed as well, but geniunely interested in you. Did you ever talk to him about this? about how you feel? The next time he flirts with you, you should tell him straight out how you feel.


Sister MPG, if I gave him my real number and called him three times, shouldn't it be obvious to him that I was interested, or least willing to give him the opportunity to call me, since on BOTH occasions, the brother asked for MY number first???


I didn't mean to tell him that you are really interested in him, I meant you should tell him how you feel as far as you giving him your number repeatedly and him not calling you. asking him straight up whats up with that?!
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
this is simple. ask him out and see where it goes from there. You simply don't know enough about him to draw any conclusions, i.e. he's married, he's gay, he's a gameplayer, etc.

Good luck


Thanks for the suggestion Brother Raheem, but I no longer want to have anything to do with this brother, because I am convinced that he is unreliable, his word is worthless, and his behavior is unpredictable. It would also be foolish mistake for me to pursue a relationship with someone who is not available.
quote:
Unfortunately this can be compared to a person who has something very rare and valuable in their possesion yet have failed to make use of it. In this scenario you shelve the item and you may even allow it to slip your conscious mind, however if anyone asks to use it, or borrow it, you will take hold of it and say "Hell No!!" then refuse to allow anyone near it...You want it for yourself, however, you just can't figure out what to do with it just yet...


I'm flattered that you have described me as someone who is rare and valuable, but listen, even cons are willing to make sacrifices and are inclined to put a down payment on something they consider a prized possession!!! However, on the part of the this brother, I have seen NO interest in pursuing anything with me, other than what takes place between him and I inside the restaurant. In fact, I visited the restaurant again recently to get something eat, and right on cue, this fool runs over to ask me about my day at work. He makes small talk for a little while, talks about his son, then as soon as a rush of customers come in, he says, "What are doing this weekend? Maybe I'll give you a call." And he never forgets to include a maybe or perhaps in his planning so as to excuse himself from actually fulfilling a promise. What a loser. I'm telling you, this guy is a joke. He's not for real.

quote:
Men have been conditioned in this manner. We receive cool points when we can attract someone of worth..It feels good to be wanted..And I guess if we aren't mindful we will allow our need for female attention to overpower our better judgment.

But in the end I maintain that this man may really have good intentions behind his procrastinations...There is only one way to find out..You may have to give it more time.



I don't know. This guy is good-looking, but he ain't all that now! He's definitely not worth me going through all of this! No way. He doesn't even deserve to take up this much of our conversation time. I am going to continue to date other guys. You're making a lot of sense Brother Saracen, but this man has had plenty of chances to get something going on here.
quote:
Originally posted by FireFly:
maybe you're right, but I kinda feel that... heck why does Rowe have to make all the moves? Isn't that kind of setting a pattern for what's to follow...?

I understand that the menfolk may know more about what is on his mind, but ask yourselves... is this how you would act with a woman you really like? Would you be happy to wait until 'she' just happens into your restaurant? Leaving it to fate for over, heck, THREE YEARS? Or is it more about convenience?
Seriously? sck
.


thanks
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
1)If you're not interested in persuing anything with him, then his "forgetfulness" shouldn't matter to you. Just chalk it up as small talk with a favorite client.


It matters because I can't stand it when someone says that they are going to do something, and they don't make an effort to do it. Don't keep offering me your telephone number and putting your hand out to get mine if your dumb ass isn't going to do anything with it. That's stupid. Don't waste my time. I have important things to do, other than to play childish games with you. I'm a grown woman. I don't have time for this high school shit. And don't keep approaching me, pretending as if you are interested, if you're not. In fact, I would be satisfied if the brother just waved hello whenever I came into the restaurant. Don't even approach me - just wave and keep working. I don't need any pity friendship or phone calls made out of obligation. If you don't want to call me, then don't say that you do.

quote:
2) If you are interested in dating him, just ask him directly why you two have not been able to make a date. Raheem hit it on the head; instead of assuming what the problem is/could be, get your answer.


I've considered this, but I'm thinking, dude, I gave you an authentic number and I called you several times. And so what other clues do you need?? I don't give out my number often, and I am very selective about who I date.

quote:
3) I'm baffled that women who appear so assertive & assured take such a passive role in finding a partner. By your own admission, you've called him on average once a year. Maybe this guy likes an aggressive woman.


To be fair, he is very soft-spoken and a little timid. He is also a small guy; he's not very big. And he did mention, some time ago (paraphrasing) that he doesn't like to pursue a woman unless he knows for absolute certain that she's interested. So perhaps you are right about him feeling intimidated. But again, how much certainty does one man need? He has my telephone number, and therefore, can call me anytime of the day or night to satisfy his curiousity about my interest in him. But he doesn't. And whenever I called him, he evaded my calls and did not return them. So I've done everything that I am willing to do to get the ball rolling, now I'm done.
quote:
Originally posted by Shango67:

Or, eat elsewhere.



I've already made the decision to eat elsewhere, because I'm tired of seeing that pathethic and apologetic look on his face, like he's done something really bad and can't stop or something. It's becoming really sickening. Does he think he's the only man on earth or something? Why does he feel obligated to call me when he doesn't have to? Now, everytime I think about the restaurant, I think about him. I have decided to stop patronizing the business, at least for the time being.
quote:
Originally posted by msprettygirl:
I didn't mean to tell him that you are really interested in him, I meant you should tell him how you feel as far as you giving him your number repeatedly and him not calling you. asking him straight up whats up with that?!


I suppose it's because of pride. If someone doesn't call you regularly and evades your phone calls, then doesn't that send a clear message that this person doesn't want to talk to you??? I'm not going to bother someone who doesn't want to talk. They will call me when they get good and ready.
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
I've already made the decision to eat elsewhere... I have decided to stop patronizing the business, at least for the time being.

once you've gone elsewhere.... why do I have this feeling that then he'll suddenly call you? Wink
quote:
Originally posted by FireFly:
Shango67 ... when you're not busy doing your thing as a nationalist/activist, I see another calling for you as a comedy scriptwriter. Big Grin

I have never been an activist nor do I respect the profession. Activist wait for shit to happen, run to the media, and leave after the lights are off. I am a "Proactivist."

In addition to that, I am one of the five most humorous cats in amerikkka.
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by msprettygirl:
I didn't mean to tell him that you are really interested in him, I meant you should tell him how you feel as far as you giving him your number repeatedly and him not calling you. asking him straight up whats up with that?!


I suppose it's because of pride. If someone doesn't call you regularly and evades your phone calls, then doesn't that send a clear message that this person doesn't want to talk to you??? I'm not going to bother someone who doesn't want to talk. They will call me when they get good and ready.


I suppose you are right. There would come a point where I would have to say giveup The more I think about this situation the more i change my mind about this man. Someone mentioned it before and I'm leaning toward it now-that he is doing this for business, to ensure that you will be a repeat customer, trying to show an interest in you deeper than a consumer/producer relationship for the sake of the business. oh well, easy come easy go, I'm sure you will meet someone else pretty soon.
quote:
To be fair, he is very soft-spoken and a little timid. He is also a small guy; he's not very big.

Small, frail, timid, and soft spoken = BITCH!

Small, frail, timid, and soft spoken = PUNK!

Small, frail, timid, and soft spoken = PRETTY RICKY!

Small, frail, timid, and soft spoken = MEN WHO PEE SITTING DOWN.

Small, frail, timid, and soft spoken = YOU WOULD BE THE NEXT WOMAN ON OPRAH CRYING ABOUT HOW YOU WERE DUPED BY SOME CAT WHO WEARS MORE MAKE-UP THAN YOU.

Small, frail, timid, and soft spoken =

Small, frail, timid and soft spoken =


Check his fingernails out... bet you he wears some type of clear polish on them.

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