I'd like some advice regarding a situation that face. I'm new to this forum, so I apologize in advance if this is too long, or if it contains anything that is not appropriate.

I have been married for over 20 years to a great woman. She is she is a great friend, wife, and mother, with a beautiful face and voluptuous figure that makes her look 10-15 years younger than she is.

I am also blessed because she loves sex.(we are monogamous, and within that she loves all kind of variety). She'd love to be intimate with me once a day - when on vacation without the kids, it can be 2-3 times a day. She enjoys wearing sexy clothing to entice me. On those few occaisions when she is too tired, she is the one who gets upset about it - and more than makes up for it when she is rested.

My problem - I want to keep up with her, but it is getting tougher as I get older. After sex I feel totally happy, but drained for days. However, if we go more than 2 days without intimacy, she gets concerned. And frankly, I don't want her concerned, I want to keep satisfying her.

With pills like viagra, etc. around, they are a temptation. But I am very uncomfortable about putting these things in my body.
There is an alternative that I found, but I am not totally comfortable with: viewing erotica or porn. I think it can be very dangerous to get hooked on porn, and it can distort the image one has of woman. The only stuff that would interest me is the amateur porn, depicting older (over 30) real woman with natural bodies, who are involved with a man they know and love.

So, when she is sending out signals to have fun, if I don't feel in the mood, if I go and view some of that type of erotica or porn,it stimulates me. And later, I have no problem performing.
I have only tried this 4 times, as an experiment.

The images really don't stay with me - I don't see any women in them that I'd rather be with instead of my wife. Sometimes they give me ideas - like positions or outfits I'd like to see her dressed in - that I want to try with her. She enjoys when I introduce something new.

So I may do this a few times a week - but I can see the danger of becoming dependent on it. I'd really rather not do it at all - but I also don't want to do anything to slow down her sex drive.

When we were much younger, I viewed porn regularly, and on occaision, we would watch adult movies together. But she told me that it didn't make her totally comfortable. Neither did I, and stopped. Recently she's implied that my stopping back then helped increase her sex drive - it made her want to be available to me whenever I wanted sex, because she thought I was giving up something and surpressing my own sex drive.

So - I'd be interested in your thoughts. Is an occasional view, only for a bit of extra stimulation, acceptable? Or is this starting a slippery slope? Are there other options to consider?

Thank you for any advice!

***niceguy***
Original Post
quote:
Originally posted by niceguy:
Is an occasional view, only for a bit of extra stimulation, acceptable? Or is this starting a slippery slope? Are there other options to consider?


Reading your post, it seems that you are more concerned about the moral and spiritual consequences and/or implications of watching porn than you are keeping up with your wife. It seems that you want someone to tell you that watching porn is wrong and to inform you about the long-term effects of viewing porn may have on your marriage and your own personal well-being. These are all valid concerns, and to be honest, if you have the money, I would suggest for you and wife to consult a marriage counselor. FYI: You don't have to speak to a marriage counselor only when things go bad! You can also get free marriage counseling services via the Church, if you're a religious person. I'm certain a pastor specializing in family and marital issues can help you with these concerns.

I have personal views about porn. For one, why would you want to watch someone else engaging in love making, a process that is suppose to be privately shared between two people? This is why the both of you feel uncomfortabe watching it because its really not meant for you to see. Two, it exploitative. And three, most porn is disgusting and inhumane. My last point is this: People in the past managed to have sex and enjoy sex prior to the introduction of pornography and the people existing today can do the same. The urgency of needing "extra" stimulation emanates from a capitalistic marketing scheme that was ultimately designed to prey upon unsuspecting consumers who are psychologically led to believe that they aren't "good enough" so therefore they "need" an external resource and/or procedure done to them in order to make them perform and appear "better." (e.g., plastic surgery, viagra, quick-fix diet plans). Its a very unnatural, not to mention, unrealistic view of humanity. First of all, it was never meant for everyone to look the same, have the same sex drives, or have sex, on cue. The body does not work like this. Therefore, Love yourself AS IT IS. Love what YOUR body (not anyone else's body) is capable of doing. And if your wife truly loves you, she will love you too, regardless of your stamina, sexual longevity, or whatever. Marriage is more than just having plenty of sex.
niceguy, have you looked into going to a sex therapist? They can often help you express your sexual concerns with your wife and help you guys come to an agreement on how to rectify the situation.

The problem I see with using porn is that I don't think it will work in the long-term. If you are watching porn every single day, I think you are bound to get bored with it. How many different times can you view porn before you feel like you've seen it all before, you know?

Maybe you could engage in other things besides sexual intercourse (oral sex, vibrators, etc) to tide your wife over. If not, I say go for the Viagra and live it up.
Maaaannnnnn Damn! Sounds like somewhere down the line, you've been served a bunch of guilt laced, psychological gooble-de-gook! I hope you were not one of these brothers that thought he was gonna go blind if he masterbated. Listen, sex is supposed to be erotic. Eroticism is derived from the imagination. 'Images' are the basis of fantacy and pornography is just one source of that imagery. Now, that's the fist thing. Secondly, as we get older, (hormonally speaking), the physical tends to rely more on imagery to yeild that old familiar response, especially, (as someone mentioned), if you're not getting the proper amount of exercise and eating the right kinds of foods. Thirdly, a women reaches her sexual desire peak (generally speaking) later than men.

Now having said all that.......(and it's just my opinion), I don't see anything ethically, morally, or legally wrong with watching a porn movie to help you out a bit. Hell, it's what 'normal' Men Do!-- along with strip clubs, girlie magazines, wet t-shirt contest, bachelor parties, or more subtle forms of imagery like when we turn around to get a sneak peep at a nice azz that just passed by us, or watching those tig-ole bitties in a low cut dress bounce around or admiring a nice pair of legs propped up and displayed in some stelletto high heal pumps. Chit, why do you think men came up with things like pumps, fishnets, garters, camisoles, thongs etc....? Hell, it damn sure was not for a women's comfort!

Bottom line dude,...... "MAN UP!!" --go on out and get you a 'stagmovie'! Drink you a little Jim Beam with ginger ale while you watch it.....then, when you are ready,-- give your old lady a couple rounds of that good ole fashioned, nasty, teeth gritting, lip biting, sheet cluching, sweaty, headboard banging against the wall, from the 69 to the ride'em cowboy, from the missonary to the doggie, screaming orgasmic, beat it up then wax it down sex! I promise you dog, if you lay it down like that, she'll never again complain about your watching porn. Hell, she probably will start watching them with you again and start frying you eggs and making you sandwiches at 2:30 am.

All the Real Men out there......holla if you hear Me !!
Your diet and body fitness should be factored in first.

Have you considered making 'personal porn' with your wife? Thats' the first thing that popped in my mind when reading this...

something to think about.

Even those who may find pornography objectionable, don't seem to be restrained by the idea of viewing themselves for personal pleasure.

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