in general, are black women sexually inhibited? repressed? conservative?

if so, why??

i've read this a few places--and wondered.

The wise woman wishes to be no one's enemy, the wise woman refuses to be anyone's victim. -Maya Angelou
<small style="color: green; font-family: lucida sans unicode">"The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed." steve biko</small>
Original Post
now isn't that interesting? i always heard the sapphire "lady marmalade" stereotype that implies that black women are ho's and can't get enough. you know, she's gotta have it. i think that had to do with all the fuss about halley berry's part in "monster's ball". alot of black folks felt that it just reinforced the stereotypes about black women being insatiable ho's.
So I can give a mans point (just mine)of view.
I think black women try to hard to please the black man; maybe to keep him home or to keep him from straying outside the race. So the reputation is totally undeserved and I would say if anything they are conservative, but put on the act of sexually adventuresome and outgoing.
All I will say on this matter is that I've being married to Mrs Jazzdog for 22 years and she is neither repressed or inhibited and I am so VERY HAPPY with our relationship. While not endorsing the "wham bang get your freak on" type of relationship, then is nothing wrong with as they would say "letting your hair down" in a playful and imaginative way. cool

AND NO that does not make you a freak or a ho.

[This message was edited by jazzdog on October 06, 2002 at 10:45 AM.]

[This message was edited by jazzdog on October 06, 2002 at 10:45 AM.]
There is alot of freaky shyt going on out there in internet land. Alot of sex clubs, swingers, bisexual, couples... eek yall just don't know. People, you would never guess, be gettin' their freak on. eek

So I'm going to have to go with non-inhibited. In this day and age, when sex is everywhere, people, whether they get wild or not, are less inhibited. More and more people are letting go as they realize that everyone else is doing it so they really have nothing to be ashamed of... In fact they even find people who are into what they are into. And they are out there and you don't have to look hard.

BTW, this does not imply that I am in any of these activies (I'm totally repressed and virtuous wink ). I just listen, because people talk and if you browse through some of those yahoo clubs or personal ads... you get the picture.

Sex is going on and its rampant and if you are not doing it, you are fantasizing about it! eek
i know and i think we all know that sex is everywhere. internet, tv, movies, music...its hard to get away from it. but i dont think that was my question.

yes, people have the ability to dip their toes into ideas/fantasies-or take the full plunge via the internet in a undetected ways. and maybe there are some black women who you'd never think of out there doing that--but that's not my question either.

i think ocatchings caught what i was trying to get at:

quote:
I would say if anything they are conservative, but put on the act of sexually adventuresome and outgoing


i've read and heard it from family and friends that black women don't do "nasty" stuff like that (give head for example)...that's for ho's and trashy women. i've heard this from the spectrum of aunties, to young sisters at hbcu's.

i know we have our un-inhibited women out there--in life and online--women who are in touch (pun intended) with themselves, comfortable with themselves, and not ashamed of sex or nudity...but is a larger part of our sisterhood (young and old) on the other end of the spectrum??

and are some of those women who "seem" to be in touch really just puttin up a front (as ocatchings said) to keep a man from straying??

not that anything can keep anyone from walkin out the door.

The wise woman wishes to be no one's enemy, the wise woman refuses to be anyone's victim. -Maya Angelou
In different topics this has come up and I have noticed that women may start to talk like they are open to anything, but when it comes down to it they seem to back off when approached. The larger majority I feel are "good girls" and confident in self but have that fear that we all have of "failure" and "rejection".
I have dealt with some that anything other than "missionary" or "doggy style" was totally new. Oral sex for them was ok but to give was strictly taboo, and this was coming from some women that claimed they used lollipops and popsicles to practice with. Touching and holding for some was an exercise in patience as well as it seemed thet are scared to touch you b/c they were taught touching a mans privates was disgusting and unlady like.
I've lost some good relationships b/c I'm trying to do and give what they bragged about wanting only to find out they had no clue what they were talking about.
So if I were to go out on a limb based upon my experiences I would say at least 85%-90% of women are conservative but do it just because frown
Okay, OC... I get your point. But considering where you are located and considering where I am, our points of view will differ. Southern California is unlike many places in the USA. I forget that sometimes. Not that I know that many women, but I don't know any that consider something like giving head anything but normal.

Thinking back to when I was church going, I was taught that it was wrong. So I guess there are some who still abide by it. But I cannot believe that even in your area the percentage is that high. You did state that in your experience this was so, therefore I would have to take into account the type of women you were involved in. Do you think that might have some bearing on your findings?

La Femme Nkechi
quote:
Consider how hard it is to change yourself & you'll understand what little chance you have of changing others
- Create thyself first!
@nkechi
quote:
I don't know any that consider something like giving head anything but normal.



is it a west coast thing? i am in the most heated discussion on this right now. that for a woman to give a man oral pleasure prior to intercourse or at all is some sort of oddity. that the women who do are woman of illrepute...like its a sacred act saved for the most intimate of relationships.
it's been said to me that 'head' is MORE intimate than intercourse.

how can this be???
help...

The wise woman wishes to be no one's enemy, the wise woman refuses to be anyone's victim. -Maya Angelou
LaFemme,
I am in the military overseas and my opinions/observations are based on a sampling of people from all over. Some do have that "I'm from the city and know everything mentality" and some just do it b/c they are trying to hang with the group.
I think it all depends on how a person is exposed to different situations how they will look at it in the future.
That is a term I have not heard in a long time.

I don't know that I can speak for anyone else on this one. But for me it goes hand in hand. 90% of the time, if I am doing that, he is naked on my bed and I am doing that to his whole body and it is intimate because it is part of the whole sexual experience. It is only after we are lovers that I would just do that without it involving mutual pleasure... and that is just because I like pleasing and surprising him. But it is not an intimate experience alone. For me, intimacy involves giving and receiving of stimuli, a let down of walls.

Just one womans view. Maybe a man could be of more help. MEN...yes you... Relaxing on the couch watching TV, show goes off, almost time for bed, she reaches over and fondles it, brings it to life and sucks/licks you to orgasm. Is it a MORE intimate experience for you than making love to her?

The definition of intimate does not really help here. We may need to start with that to get everyone on the same page.
I thought about it some more. I forgot that having sex with someone is much easier and casual than performing oral sex on them. I don't make it a habbit to sleep with someone that I would not give the full treatment, but I can recall a time or two that... lets just say, made me remember that it can be more intimate... at times.

But I am still unclear about everyone's meaning of the word.
Coming late but here's my two pennies -

I understand where you're coming from, Nykki. Having been labeled wanton and promiscious by the white majority, black people pulled in the other direction in response. I remember reading articles in Ebony on this subject; my mother's advice on interactions with white males, whose interest would be solely experiencing black hypersexuality; and the old joke about "possible" - wash as far down as possible, wash as far up as possible, then wash possible.

Combine our repressiveness with our unwillingness to deal with our sexuality and you can understand how HIV has spread through the black community.
I also believe that the majority of black American women are sexually repressed. It's evidenced in our overt judgementality of other women, black or otherwise. We can discuss sexuality on the anonymous internet, but in reality, we don't dare reveal our desires, fantasies, or needs for fear of labeling by our own. We all know of that sistah who confided in "sistafriends" only to be labeled a ho, slut, skank, heffa, ad infinitum as the sistafriends reveled in their imagined moral superiority. Even worse, is that he, our lover, should expose us for the sexual animal we really are. I've seen that happen too.
I think that ALL people with biological desires are repressed or bound by social, cultural or religious normative expectations of behavior, if they value an interest and purpose greater than their individual desires. I think to exist in a culture or environment unbound by an interest greater than oneself will create another Sodom and Gomorra. Thus, I think that the traditional African women in this world is sexually repressed relative to her Anglo-Saxton counterpart, which I view as being a credit to African women for it shows a respect and recognition of a purpose and or power greater than themselves and is more conducive for a health environment in the long run.. Let just be honest, the nature of humanity is animalistic and sinful and this animalistic and sinful nature maximizes pleasure for the individual, even and often at the expense of others. Thus, what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom is our cognitive abilities to bound and repress our behavior for a higher purpose of religion or culture.

I think that the pursuit of pleasure becomes addictive like the pursuit of drugs often become. Some people cannot control themselves and constantly seek to up the level of pleasure by engaging in new and different and sometimes risky types of activities. This is how disease are created and is simply natures way of saying that the activity are not conducive for the organism. I think that when people push the pleasure envelope, then what is normal is no longer satisfying. Such activity is very dangerous in the long term for a society. I appluad my African sisters for their self repression...that is a sign of STRENGTH...those who cannot control themselves from being gluttons of desires are WEAK.

Truth is always fraught with impediments. Truth agreed with is a blessed duet. Truth confronting beloved vice will sever relationships, perpetrate flight, and uncover murderous rage. - Alexander Solzhenitsyn


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Noah The African in America
Oh...you do not consider yourself as an African woman? Was your phenotype designed by nature as a natural adaptation to the climate that you exist in America or the climate of the continent of Africa? Most African women do not have female circumcision, just like most African people are not starving and running around naked.

Again, everyone with desires and morality is repressed. Being married and in a state of fidelity via monogamy, is repressing in that the attraction and opportunities to be with other women are not actualized upon, regardless of how much I might gain pleasure of the flesh from such activity. Personally, one of my criteria for a wife is respect. I simply would not want a woman as my wife who has been giving out BJ's on a regular bases to a variety of people, as well as other perversions. Furthermore, I will not be able to satisfy her if she has been with guys who went to a level of perversion to satisfy her...because I defiantly aint going there.

Truth is always fraught with impediments. Truth agreed with is a blessed duet. Truth confronting beloved vice will sever relationships, perpetrate flight, and uncover murderous rage. - Alexander Solzhenitsyn


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Noah The African in America
A black woman.... I do not think I have ever seen such a human, not even the notoriously dark (but still brown) Sudanese women. I also do not know of any nation or continent that that is called "black". Therefore, though you may consider yourself a "black" woman, it is actually a misnomer that does not map to any reality.

Some people may define morality as the freedom to do what they desire and others may define morality as a blue print for the collective interest and goal of humanity. As long as one is not bound to a standard working definition of a phenomenon...they can justify and rationalize anything, by creating their own individualized working definition that suits the purpose of their individual desires.

Truth is always fraught with impediments. Truth agreed with is a blessed duet. Truth confronting beloved vice will sever relationships, perpetrate flight, and uncover murderous rage. - Alexander Solzhenitsyn


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Noah The African in America
I'm sorry sister...I am jus messin with you bout that "black" thing... Smilebut I do feel that most people with morality are also repressed from many of their human desires.

Truth is always fraught with impediments. Truth agreed with is a blessed duet. Truth confronting beloved vice will sever relationships, perpetrate flight, and uncover murderous rage. - Alexander Solzhenitsyn


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Noah The African in America
Ain't no thing Bro. Noah. Being "Old School", I remember when we were all black and proud.

I don't entirely disagree with you. Morality is intended to inhibit us to a degree acceptable by society. But, I don't think it fair to assume that because a person is sexually open-minded, he/she must be promiscuous. I may simply mean that my SO and I have an adventurous and dynamic sex life that's never boring or routine, but we are totally monogamous and therefore, moral.
I understand your point and it's a good one, concerning monogamy and what goes on between mutually consenting adults seeking to demonstrate their love by attempting to maximize pleasure to their mate. However, I do believe that immorality can indeed take place within the morality of monogamy (assuming heterosexual marriage). Monogomy can take place outside of marriage, but all sexual activity would then be fornication, which is immoral from a biblical sense. I do not know if morality is even the correct word to use in this particular context. That having been said, I do think that we live in an age of short-term relationships, regardless if they are monogamous during their duration. Thus, the next relationship one enters will come with expectations or benchmarks of pleasure giving, that may leave you wanting and unsatisfied with "normal" sexuality. Furthermore, I still believe that a man would much rather have a virgin as a wife, than a seasoned professional women. Now what he expects her to do exclusively for him after marriage may consist of being "open" to many ideas, but a man generally does not want a bride who has been sexually "open" and exploring with a lot of different guys. Of course, the older one gets the more such expectations lessons as one assumes that they will not find a women over a certain age who has not been around the block a few times. But for individuals in their 20's getting married for the first time, the males usually have such expectations. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, but I think that most "good men" do not like the thought of that idea.

Truth is always fraught with impediments. Truth agreed with is a blessed duet. Truth confronting beloved vice will sever relationships, perpetrate flight, and uncover murderous rage. - Alexander Solzhenitsyn


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Noah The African in America

[This message was edited by Noah The African on June 19, 2003 at 12:46 PM.]


[This message was edited by Noah The African on June 19, 2003 at 12:48 PM.]
quote:
Originally posted by Noah The African:

I still believe that a man would much rather have a virgin as a wife, than a seasoned professional women.


Those are both rather extreme stark choices. I seriously doubt that most guys really expect their wives to be virgins when they meet. Smile

"La vida te da sorpresas...
Sorpresas te da la vida...",
¡Ay, Dios!

Rubén Blades---Pedro Navaja


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Well that may be true, but the reason points back to moral decay and thus again the juxtaposition of morality and being sexually "open" has ramification that affect the collective society. Society has simply digressed to the point of not having expectations of morality anymore, but has replaced those social virtues with the expectation of pleasure maximization.

But still I never stated that MEN EXPECT their wives to be virgins. I said that they would prefer the virgin to the skilled seasoned professional. I do believe that most young men in their prime would prefer someone closer to a virgin than closer to a seasoned professional as his wife. As I stated, the older a person is the less such expectations remain.

Truth is always fraught with impediments. Truth agreed with is a blessed duet. Truth confronting beloved vice will sever relationships, perpetrate flight, and uncover murderous rage. - Alexander Solzhenitsyn


("`-''-/").___..--''"`-._
`6_ 6 ) `-. ( ).`-.__.`)
(_Y_.)' ._ ) `._ `. ``-..-'
_..`--'_..-_/ /--'_.' ,'
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Noah The African in America
I understand what you're saying, Noah, and there is truth in those words. But the man who wants his wife to be virtuous for him would still want her to be acceptable or open to his particular...er..proclivities and not fighting him or refusing him in the bedroom. Therefore, he would want his wife to be virtuous, yet not repressed.
quote:
Originally posted by little minx:
now isn't that interesting? i always heard the sapphire "lady marmalade" stereotype that implies that black women are ho's and can't get enough. you know, she's gotta have it. i think that had to do with all the fuss about halley berry's part in "monster's ball". alot of black folks felt that it just reinforced the stereotypes about black women being insatiable ho's.




Actually, the sapphire stereotype is a woman who's selfish, shallow and inconsiderate toward a person's feelings.

Sapphires aren't thought of as ho's. Hell, they're not even considered as sexy. They're attitudes are too abrasive. Temptresses are thought of as ho's.

The closest TV character I've seen that was a sapphire were Pam and Sheneneh on "Martin."
I think that some black women are sexually repressed depending upon which generation they grew up in. I believe that the repression stems from an attempt to counteract the sexual streotype that black women are loose.

Our people have made the mistake of confusing the methods with the objectives. As long as we agree on objectives, we should never fall out with each other just because we believe in different methods, or tactics, or strategy. We have to keep in mind at all times that we are not fighting for separation. We are fighting for recognition as free humans in this society
Malcolm X, 1965

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