Paul Zimmerman/Getty Images

If you voted for the moron who would rather spend his time being a messy Twitter bitch than doing the duties associated with the presidency, I regret to inform you that my dick will fall into a deep coma state whenever in your presence. You could look like the reason God created sex, but there is no way in hell I would ever, ever think of you as anything other than an arousal-ruining deplorable.


While this line of logic seems completely appropriate to anyone with decency, the relentlessly repugnant Sean Hannity, not so shockingly, feels otherwise. During a conversation on the June 28 edition of Premiere Radio Network’s The Sean Hannity Show, the conservative kook lamented about how unfair various users of Tinder, Bumble and other online dating apps are being for sending all of his orange homeboys’ supporters to the left (yes, I hear Beyoncé’s voice now, too, beloved).


The exchange, courtesy of Media Matters, went as follows:

SEAN HANNITY (HOST): Alright so I don’t know if you have the same thing, what do they call this matchmaking thing, timber and all that other stuff that they got? Tinder and all that other stuff?

KATIE HOPKINS: Yeah, we have that.

HANNITY: OK so there apparently Donald Trump according to the Sacramento Bee is saying people will ask straight up do you vote for or do you support Trump. And if you did boom, that’s it.

HOPKINS: You’re off.

HANNITY: You’re off. Trump voters please swipe left and go to your room and think about what you have done on Tinder. I mean where is this hatred coming from? Salon had to take a Trump free Tuesday day today because they’re so unhinged over there. What’s going on?

HOPKINS: Well I mean first things first, Mr. Hannity, I think you and I and the rest of the population should always be very cautious of anybody that meets their date online. Like if you have to form a relationship online it probably means that in real life you’re a bit of a prat and nobody wants to hang out with you.

Where is the hatred coming from?

I was always encouraged to avoid asking dumb-ass questions; pity that Hannity was never #Blessed with that nugget of valuable intel. For fellow fools with similar inquiries, seek counsel from a Mexican, a Muslim, one of “the blacks,” or any woman who both bleeds and has no issue with questioning Bankruptcy Batista. Shoutout to Mika Brzezinski.

Meanwhile, anyone who still questions online dating is a dial-up dummy who needs to get with us broadband baddies. That said, consider the source of such accusations—that folks who date online are social pariahs who can’t function in real life. Folks like Hannity cater to an audience who miss the days of segregated water fountains, so it’s impossible for them to understand how “Timber” works.

The article that riled ’em up is entitled “How Donald Trump Is Killing Romance.” In it, writer Angela Hart explores how our current political climate—so nasty, so rude—has impacted those online looking to get some good lovin’, body rockin’, knockin’ boots all night long (yeah). Or, in other cases, real love—the kind Mary J. Blige sang about before Kendu Issacs went and fucked it all up.


Hart reports:

“His presidency has created this new deal-breaker,” said Laurie Davis Edwards, a relationship coach and founder of the website

“I’ve never seen it like this before, where people say ‘no’ to Trump supporters, or they only want to date other Trump supporters,” she said. “It tells me that people are valuing politics much higher as a preference than they were before. ... It’s another example of how massively our dating culture has changed over the past four years, partly because of politics and also because of technology.”

Tinder allows people 500 characters to write their profiles. For Bumble, it’s only 300. Since January, many are using that limited space to make it public how much they detest Donald Trump.

In my Tinder profile, I mention that I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like Beyoncé. I’ve tried to date Beytheists before, but it’s a fool’s errand. When seeking companionship, you have to find those who align with you spiritually and, yes, politically. Evidently, quite a few folks are only now realizing how important it is not to date anyone who supports someone with the political ideology of a Twitter egg, Klansman or suburbanite complicit in demagoguery.

Hart goes on to write:

The site’s data also underscores what dating experts are seeing: 60 percent of singles say they are less open to dating across party lines than two years ago. It’s more stark among liberals. Conservatives are 57 percent more likely to date across party lines.

But if you voted for Trump last election, you may have limited your dating pool.

Match found that 91 percent of liberals say they judge potential dates negatively for having voted for Trump, and more than half said they’re more likely to ask about their political views since the election.

“People are so divided in our country right now that they don’t even want to start a relationship with someone who they don’t agree with politically. I’ve never seen it like this, ever,” Spira said. “Being on the same political page is more important to singles now than it has ever been in history. It used to be that dating a smoker was a top deal-breaker. That’s been replaced with politics.”

I don’t know what planet a lot of you folks were living on, but welcome to the rational side of life. For the life of me, I’ll never understand why it tooka 71-year-old man-baby, audacious bigot and overall ignoramus to get many to see what’s already been there. But better late than never, folks.

Do not date people with political views that will drive you mad. There is no middle ground between respecting black lives and not giving a damn about state-sanctioned violence against black women, men and children. There is no accord that can be reached between respecting a woman’s autonomy and thinking Planned Parenthood is a baby-killing factory. No way in hell can you find peace with someone who voted for Peachy Pol Pot.

Sean Hannity may feel otherwise, but does anyone really want relationship advice from someone who is so far up 45’s ass that he can smell the bullshit at least 45 minutes before it shows up on our morning Twitter feeds?