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There is a little club where a few of us sisters stop for drinks every once in a while because it is close to our offices. Many of the people who frequent this club are White.

Recently, a very attractive African American male started dropping by. We, as sisters, appreciated having something fine to look at. Several White girls went nuts and almost knocked each other down to buy him drinks, get in his face, and do some serious flirting.

Enjoing the attention, he developed the "rooster in the henhouse" attitude and before long was sleeping with anyone who would let him. Referred to as "buddies with benefits", he was with a different woman each time we would stop in.

Yesterday we stopped in to have a drink after work as I preparing for my birthday party tomorrow night. We were in a festive mood, a bit louder than usual, laughing, kickin' it, and excited about the weekend.

Mr. Rooster approached our table (for the first time) and tried to work his "magic" on us, but it didn't fly. He got irritated because no one was interested in playing his game. He told us that women like us were the reason that Black men flock to White women, and that unless we learn how to treat a Black man the way White do, we will be single, unloved, and alone because Black women have too much "attitude" and too demanding.

My gurlz and I made a few comments, pissed him off, and he left. What are your feelings on this matter?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.
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Sandye, that brother is an ignorant fool and give brothers like me, a bad name. To date out of your race due to genuine attraction, chemistry, and having things in common is one thing--to pursue a woman of another race just because she is there is quite another.

First of all, the dude didn't approach you ladies first, which is always what I have done in situations like that. Secondly, he chose to be a ho, exclusive to whomever came his way, which means he's lazy and in search of someone to stroke his ego. He wasn't worth any of you or your friends time anyway. If he had hooked up with any of you, you'd be sitting there the following week, empty-handed, like all the other women in that establishment, while he walked his dick over to another gullible woman.

You ladies did right in telling that fool to step off. He could have at least done the respectful thing and talked to the sisters in the club first before he marched his ass over to the white girls. Damn shame.
Wow. Tell him to get over himself. He's wasn't SPECIAL to the white women...he was just another black man they could sleep with...lol.

He's obviously unattached with reality. The reason you'll dont want him is because he already ran thru half the women in that place. AND, he started with the white women...so now that you're done with them we're supposed to be all willy nilly cuz you FINALLY came to our table to holler?

Get the hell out of here....lol. Men are hysterical.
We aren't all hysterical, Avi. some brothers, like me, have better sense than to make oursevlves out to be a ho in front of everyone, especially in front of our sisters.

On the other hand, I have been in situations where I would be in the club--I would ask sisters if they would like to dance and, of course, they would give me some snide comment or act like I wasn't good enough to dance with them.

Well, they don't know me very well, Hehehehehehehh, after they see me go over to women of other races, latino, asian, white, etc. and dance the night away like there was no tomorrow, they (stuck up sisters) would stand there, looking at me like I stole their purse or something. That's what kills me in certain situations like that--some of these silly sisters think it's okay to thumb their nose at a brother but they get mad if they go and get play from another race of woman. It's 2005, the days of holding someone racially hostage out of ignorance and stupidity are over.
Lets just remember, that the brothas that behave in this manner, will get what they deserve in the long run.

I have no problem with a brotha that is getting that type of attention, but its one thing to love the attention that youre getting, but to cut-off the sistas .......is the wrong way to handle the situation.

After a brothas behaves this way.......hes to be ignored.........his loss!!!!!
My sister gurlz and I are the kind of women who enjoy the attention of men, but won't go out of our way to get it. Last weekend, a man in a wheelchair was in the club we were in and no one would dance with him. I went up and asked him to dance and we both had a great time. His conversation was interesting.

I don't go out to find a relationship, I go out to enjoy myself. I am not paying a cover charge to go to a club, bounce in my seat, and refuse anyone who is gracious enough to ask me to dance. I know it takes a lot of courage for a man to ask a woman to dance - especially if he doesn't know her. I will get my groove on with anyone who asks.

Back to the original, I didn't appreciate being approached by the rooster after his obvious preference for white women. As a people, we acknowledge even strangers with a nod of the head, or a what's up or something. Up until last night, he acted as though we were invisible. His lack of character is the reason he was denied accommodation at our table. He was truly not worthy of us. I don't judge all brothers by the actions of a few. I am attracted to Black men, and will always be there for my brothers because I love ya'll to death!

Thanks, Iron, for your comments and input. I like the way you think.
quote:
I am not paying a cover charge to go to a club, bounce in my seat, and refuse anyone who is gracious enough to ask me to dance. I know it takes a lot of courage for a man to ask a woman to dance - especially if he doesn't know her. I will get my groove on with anyone who asks.


If other sisters in the club would think the same way you do, Sandye, a lot more sisters wouldn't be going home alone or have to worry about meeting brothers.

Okay, lets forget all the games that some brothers play--it's a given that the player element will be there--what's important is to know how to supercede triffling brothers like that, and get to know the ones that approach you with sincerity.

You ladies were right in telling that fool off. As a matter of fact, if I was sitting right there with you guys, I would have said, "Ummm, excuse me, brother, but you played yourself when you went for the white girls first."

I like the way you think too, Sandye. With how you express yourself in the forums, I could tell that your personality would be prevailent in your body language--in other words, yes, I would waltz my way straight over to you ladies, and I doubt I would have to wander anywhere else about the club. kiss
quote:
Originally posted by Sandye:
Hey, Audio Guy!

whaasssuppp tongue

quote:
Yes we told him that we have seen him in the club, etc. We didn't go into great detail because he isn't worth the time, but he got the message.
I asked because a lot of times people don't understand your reaction unless you spell it out for them.

If you say "your a pompous jerk who chases after white women", he goes away saying "sorry ass bitches, they don't know what they missin'"... But if you say "brother, we have been watchin' you for weeks now chase after these white women, do you understand that now, when you come to us, after they won't give any more play, makes us realize that you are not about anything. Don't get us wrong, we love are brothers, but you should have come to us first. Now go on wit' yo monkey ass!" Now he goes away with somethin' to chew on and he might not end up like Tiger Woods! lol

quote:
And yes, it is prom season already! cabbage
ek Big Grin
Sandye,

Honestly I think you went about it slightly wronge. The only thing I would ask is that you not demolish the self-esteem that the guy was clearly lacking. I agree with Audio saying you should've given him something to chew on, but in a respectful manner.

You said that the white girlz almost knocked themselves over trying to get to the brother. I understand sisters got more pride than that, but this guy probably needed a confidence builder (won't get it from sistas). Once he found that confidence, you took it right back from him.

It's one thing to approach a female. But approaching a sista in particular is a bit intimidating for some guys. They approach a white woman with a win win mentality; even if she blows him off it's like "so"..."I wasn't that interested anyway". But when his own blows him off, it knocks his confidence down a few knotches.
With all due respect, Heru, we did let him know that we had noticed him weeks ago and thought that he was a quite attractive man. I fully understand that the attention from the white women boosted his ego. However, if a man lacks confidence and self-esteem and is seeking outside himself for those attributes rather than drawing on the strength that lies within himself to build his character, I don't see how that could possibly be my problem. The ego boost one receives from others does absolutely nothing to build the strength of character that is necessary to build any type of enduring relationship - including friendships.

We were not in anyway disrespectful, because we are not neck-poppin' hands on hips' cuss you out type of females, but we let him know that had he merely acknowledged that we were in the room weeks ago, he would have had a much easier time conversing with us. We did let him know how much we love our brothers and that it hurts us when they pretend we do not exist until it suits their purposes.

We also let him know that his immediate assessment that we are unloveable by brothers was totally out of line that he could take that "blackmail" theory and step the heck on off. A person telling me that I am unloveable does not make it so. He walked away pissed because we let him know that he was not really pursuing conversation with us, and that what he was really pursuing was unavailable to him. He is chewing, believe me.

I didn't go into detail about our conversations with the gentleman in my earlier post because I wanted to hear what others had to say - and I had to get ready for my birthday party. Had a great time, by the way! Wink
quote:
Originally posted by Sandye:
We also let him know that his immediate assessment that we are unloveable by brothers was totally out of line that he could take that "blackmail" theory and step the heck on off. A person telling me that I am unloveable does not make it so. He walked away pissed because we let him know that he was not really pursuing conversation with us, and that what he was really pursuing was unavailable to him. He is chewing, believe me.


Dat's what I'm talkin' 'bout!!!

Happy belated b-day Sandye!!
No one is ever obligated to speak to anyone, Heru. Everyone has the right to choose the individuals with whom they choose to interact. I have no issue with the fact that he spoke with white women first. We were not there to make a "love connection". As I stated, we are a group of sisters who hang out from time to time and enjoy one another's company.

No one is obligated to speak to a sister first, second, last, or at all. The only obligation an individual has, in my humble opinion, is that if one decides to approach another individual (regardless of gender or color) do so with dignity and respect. Everyone deserves to be treated in that manner.
Sandye, even though, HeruStar, does have a tendency to jump to conclusions without knowing all of the facts, he did mention something that was apparent--you ladies did feel that the ignorant, coward of a brother should have acknowledged you ladies first:

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Sandye:


We were not in anyway disrespectful, because we are not neck-poppin' hands on hips' cuss you out type of females, but we let him know that had he merely acknowledged that we were in the room weeks ago, he would have had a much easier time conversing with us. We did let him know how much we love our brothers and that it hurts us when they pretend we do not exist until it suits their purposes.

We also let him know that his immediate assessment that we are unloveable by brothers was totally out of line that he could take that "blackmail" theory and step the heck on off. A person telling me that I am unloveable does not make it so.

He walked away pissed because we let him know that he was not really pursuing conversation with us, and that what he was really pursuing was unavailable to him. He is chewing, believe me.

QUOTE]

Nevertheless, as he proved to you in conversation, he wouldn't have been worth your time anyway. One black person feeling obligated to speak to another is irrelevent--it should be a natural thing, not an obligation. I'm in no way perfect but, by God, I most certainly will approach my sisters first, even if it is just to say hello, when I am in the act of mingling.

It's just common sense--a man, or a woman for that matter, will set himself up for ridicule if he makes a straight line for another race of women over his own sisters first. As an attractive brother, I'm well aware of how other races of women, particularly some white women, will throw themselves at a black man--it doesn't mean that brother has to respond, hook, line and sinker.

Regardless of what anywone's opinions are on this matter, Sandye, I feel you and your friends handled that brother just right.
With all due respect, Iron, I remain true to the statement that I made that no one is ever obligated to address anyone under any circumstances. My point is if a person decides to address another individual, it should be done with dignity and respect. The disrespect was the issue - not the fact that he did not address us first. Yeah, he looked good and all that, but this is not my first time at the rodeo. I have encountered many men who have gorgeous packaging, but the box is empty. I am not easily impressed.

Had he approached us with the same disrespect the very first time we saw him, our responses would have been the same. My self-esteem is very well intact and my ego is not easily bruised. I love my brothers to death, but I don't feel as though they are under any obligation to address me simply because we are in the same place at the same time. As I previously stated, I was out with my gurlz and having a great time. Had he never approached us we would have been just fine ... believe that.
It's well understood, Sandye, the brother was ignorant for being rude and disrespectful. There was no excuse for his actions, nevertheless, I still think it should be a natural thing to do--for a brother to speak to his sisters first--then again, I'm old-school and from Alabama--we brothers around here just don't play that--run to the white girls first when there's sisters to be spoken to.

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