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quote:
Originally posted by virtue:


Sigh... I never thought I'd ever say this but..... dang! With all of the trouble many sistas find with finding a black man that will appreciate them.... dang.... maybe it's time to look elsewhere....



Virtue



Don't worry, Virtue. If my experience with black women means anything, there are enough black men around to make a lot of sistas feel they can act a fool and run through as many of us as they feel like. Frown

Was that Roger Ebert or a wax dummy?
Robin Givens's man couldn't be American. She had to get a foreign dude. If she can (allegedly) take a punch from Mike Tyson Roll Eyes and she, her mom AND Don King take his money, what black guy (hell, what AMERICAN guy of any race) would want to get with her after her divorce?

That's Robin's mail order husband.
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
protest Btw, I don't think I would add Woody Allen and Soon Yi on the list. Yes, they're interracial, but come on. Soon Yi is Woody's step-daughter/wife. He adopted her, had sex with her, then married her and sired a child with her. Ewww!

She's screwed for life. She's her own grandmother now!


"You can dog and diss michael jackson all you wanna/ but woody allen molested then married his step-daughter/ the same press dogging michael's name/ show woody and soon yi at a playoff game" - Mos Def tfro
quote:
Originally posted by detroit1:
quote:
Originally posted by virtue:


With all of the trouble many sistas find with finding a black man that will appreciate them.... dang.... maybe it's time to look elsewhere....



The deceptive rhetoric continues......


I'm waiting for these same women to blame black men for global warming, the Iraq war, world hunger and any other negative connotation as to why some black women venture off into a cesspool of anti-Black male propaganda.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Yes this was an interesting thread.

What i notice is that, these black women are different in every way, but found love............and seem to be getting married.

Some are light skin, dark skin, over weight, athletic, short hair, long hair, etc...............and these men are not complaining!!

I love it!!! appl


How do you know it's "love"?

How do you know these *men* aren't using these women for their own superficial agenda?
quote:
Originally posted by virtue:


Sigh... I never thought I'd ever say this but..... dang! With all of the trouble many sistas find with finding a black man that will appreciate them.... dang.... maybe it's time to look elsewhere....



Virtue



Aw man, this is hilarious, because this past week, one of my colleagues, who is a published writer and economics professor; and is an African woman (Nigerian;hope she does'nt come to this site; yikes!), has intimated to me that she has met a caucasian male on line (match. com) and has suggested that I do likewise. I have 'a friend', but, she is pushing THIS. She met my friend and told me I could do better. wth! Anyway, I am curious, because she appears to be quite 'pleased' with her internet 'catch'. She met another caucasian male online, who wanted to marry her and move her to Tanzania! What in the world! This African woman and several of her 'sisters' from the continent, are all online with this objective. She is attempting to push me in this direction. She was married to an African man, had two beautiful children (now college age), and she says she wants 'more'. Whatever her definition of more is. She tried to get me to go with her to see ' Something New', and told me how much she enjoyed it. That it is the way for Black/African/American women to go. I told her, men are essentially men, and white men have that extra historical 'baggage' as far as I am concerned. I have met several caucasian males at work, gone out with two; and the jury is deliberating. I have known two other African American women (associates of mine) who met two men online (one caucasian; the other African American) and, they took the chance, met them, dated, and married/moved in with them. Halle Berry's guy is gorgeous; as is Robin Given's. Is'nt Given's guy Antonio Sabato? Anyway, my childhood'dream' for the African cultural utopia, is not to be. I mean, maybe it was just me, and a few of my close female friends, but we had this notion of a Black man for every 'sister', and a Black woman for every 'brother'; but as I've been seeing, non-black women have themselves at times four and five 'brothers' at once, and the 'sisters 0,zilch, nada.
quote:
Originally posted by Dissident:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Yes this was an interesting thread.

What i notice is that, these black women are different in every way, but found love............and seem to be getting married.

Some are light skin, dark skin, over weight, athletic, short hair, long hair, etc...............and these men are not complaining!!

I love it!!! appl


How do you know it's "love"?

How do you know these *men* aren't using these women for their own superficial agenda?


Why would you assume that it isn't for love? Do you imagine somehow that these Black women aren't worthy of love?
quote:
Originally posted by Dissident:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Yes this was an interesting thread.

What i notice is that, these black women are different in every way, but found love............and seem to be getting married.

Some are light skin, dark skin, over weight, athletic, short hair, long hair, etc...............and these men are not complaining!!

I love it!!! appl


How do you know it's "love"?

How do you know these *men* aren't using these women for their own superficial agenda?


Let me answer your question with a question..........

What makes you think they are not in love.........?

If they get married, family etc.....then who am i to dispute it?

My hopes are to find a black man that i can love, and give him several gifts, of beautiful black babies..............but if black men are not desiring this, what should i do?
What black man (in his right mind) wouldn't desire you, or these celebrities? Stop Playin!!!

As I was saying, Heather Headley disappoints because of her song 'He is'. I ass(umed) that(maybe because of the video) she was talking about a strong black man. Not this.....?
Anyhow, that one bites. I mean look at her, she's like pro-sista, and he's....well, "one of these (____) is not like the other one"

Her song used to send chills down my spine. This image ruined it for me Frown
quote:
Originally posted by ricardomath:


Why would you assume that it isn't for love? Do you imagine somehow that these Black women aren't worthy of love?[/QUOTE]

1. There are some conversations white folk don't need to be involved in.

2. Sorry, but I don't feel obligated to justify or explain the inner relationships between black men and black women to a white person. I stopped doing that long ago.
quote:
Originally posted by Dissident:
quote:
Originally posted by ricardomath:

Why would you assume that it isn't for love? Do you imagine somehow that these Black women aren't worthy of love?


1. There are some conversations white folk don't need to be involved in.

2. Sorry, but I don't feel obligated to justify or explain the inner relationships between black men and black women to a white person. I stopped doing that long ago.


Alright then, why don't you explain it to the rest of us? Why do you assume that it isn't for love?
I'm reasonably sure that you don't think these black women are unworthy of love, so what is it?
quote:
Originally posted by Dissident:

1. There are some conversations white folk don't need to be involved in.


That may be, but this particular thread wouldn't seem to be one of those conversations.

quote:
2. Sorry, but I don't feel obligated to justify or explain the inner relationships between black men and black women to a white person. I stopped doing that long ago.


I thought that you were explaining inner relationships between black women and white men.
quote:
Originally posted by ricardomath:
quote:
Originally posted by Dissident:

1. There are some conversations white folk don't need to be involved in.


That may be, but this particular thread wouldn't seem to be one of those conversations.


I've found that conversations white folk don't need to be involved in simply don't interest them. If they're interested, for whatever reason, then they need to be involved.

Besides, this thread is about inter-racial couples. It would seem that ricardomath has an experienced perspective.
quote:
Originally posted by Dissident:
2. Sorry, but I don't feel obligated to justify or explain the inner relationships between black men and black women to a white person. I stopped doing that long ago.


Hell, maybe somebody needs to explain the inner relationship between black women and black men to me. As far as I can see. There isn't one Frown
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:Let me answer your question with a question..........

What makes you think they are not in love.........?

If they get married, family etc.....then who am i to dispute it?

My hopes are to find a black man that i can love, and give him several gifts, of beautiful black babies..............but if black men are not desiring this, what should i do?


I don't know if they're committed or not...neither do you. That was my point. You based your assumption of 'love' on a photograph. You were reading into things. How two people inner act in public may be something totally different in private. However I can say with certainty...from my own observations and life experiences...the few black women i've encountered who may head down that unforgiveable road of no return do so not for love but superficial rationale as I stated earlier... while perpetuate double standards in black men vs white men of dating/marriage material. I can elaborate but do you really want me too?

What do you mean by "if black men are not desiring this"? I see Black men desiring black women everyday. I see Black men marrying and having children with black women everyday. What planet are you from? This is the same scripted crapola I hear from a few disgruntled women who make excuses for their short-comings in the dating scene...and their self-hatred and emotional insecurities often exaserbates the problem. The defeatist psyche of some women always pollutes the minds of many. I'm sick of it! Honestly those same women who make excuses should take a hard look at themselves. More often than not they are the problem and not black men they frequently chastise.

You may find this strange but, black women I date don't have any issues with black men. Nor do they ever say they can't find good black men. However, I find it repugnant when I hear a black woman publically tear down black men (especially in the company of non-black people) and complain about black male ineligibility e.g., there are no good black men, can't find eligible black men etc.

In my lifetime I can say with absolute certainty that I have never ever, ever, ever, heard any white or asian woman say all white or asian men are dogs, or they can't find a good man of their own race. Nor do I know of or ever heard of any white or asian woman who's been in a sour relationship ever say they no longer desire to date or marry men of their own race. This phenomenom is only prevalent among black people. Why? A white man can murder his pregnant wife, sever her head off and throw her body in the ocean over a extramarital affair yet white women still love white men nor will they abandon white men. A black man repossess his credit card from a black woman and suddenly all black men are no good dogs. Go figure.

Lastly, I find it disturbing it wasn't too long ago white men systematically raped black women for sport... for power... the same women that belong to a race who were labeled 3/5 human by those who were doing the raping. I wonder if black women take comfort in knowing a system of supremacy is indoctrinated towards white male privilege which is the same system that destroys black families and black male masculinity? I also wonder if black women who erase high standards for non-black men do so with the assumption of non-black men courting black women unconditionally out of good faith? Not likely. It's not everyday a snivelling white man from the burbs courts a black tennis player from Compton....unless he has something to gain other than "love."
quote:
Originally posted by Dissident:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:Let me answer your question with a question..........

What makes you think they are not in love.........?

If they get married, family etc.....then who am i to dispute it?

My hopes are to find a black man that i can love, and give him several gifts, of beautiful black babies..............but if black men are not desiring this, what should i do?


I don't know if they're committed or not...neither do you. That was my point. You based your assumption of 'love' on a photograph. You were reading into things. How two people inner act in public may be something totally different in private. However I can say with certainty...from my own observations and life experiences...the few black women i've encountered who may head down that unforgiveable road of no return do so not for love but superficial rationale as I stated earlier... while perpetuate double standards in black men vs white men of dating/marriage material. I can elaborate but do you really want me too?

What do you mean by "if black men are not desiring this"? I see Black men desiring black women everyday. I see Black men marrying and having children with black women everyday. What planet are you from? This is the same scripted crapola I hear from a few disgruntled women who make excuses for their short-comings in the dating scene...and their self-hatred and emotional insecurities often exaserbates the problem. The defeatist psyche of some women always pollutes the minds of many. I'm sick of it! Honestly those same women who make excuses should take a hard look at themselves. More often than not they are the problem and not black men they frequently chastise.

You may find this strange but, black women I date don't have any issues with black men. Nor do they ever say they can't find good black men. However, I find it repugnant when I hear a black woman publically tear down black men (especially in the company of non-black people) and complain about black male ineligibility e.g., there are no good black men, can't find eligible black men etc.

In my lifetime I can say with absolute certainty that I have never ever, ever, ever, heard any white or asian woman say all white or asian men are dogs, or they can't find a good man of their own race. Nor do I know of or ever heard of any white or asian woman who's been in a sour relationship ever say they no longer desire to date or marry men of their own race. This phenomenom is only prevalent among black people. Why? A white man can murder his pregnant wife, sever her head off and throw her body in the ocean over a extramarital affair yet white women still love white men nor will they abandon white men. A black man repossess his credit card from a black woman and suddenly all black men are no good dogs. Go figure.

Lastly, I find it disturbing it wasn't too long ago white men systematically raped black women for sport... for power... the same women that belong to a race who were labeled 3/5 human by those who were doing the raping. I wonder if black women take comfort in knowing a system of supremacy is indoctrinated towards white male privilege which is the same system that destroys black families and black male masculinity? I also wonder if black women who erase high standards for non-black men do so with the assumption of non-black men courting black women unconditionally out of good faith? Not likely. It's not everyday a snivelling white man from the burbs courts a black tennis player from Compton....unless he has something to gain other than "love."


AMEN! tfro
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"What do you mean by "if black men are not desiring this"? I see Black men desiring black women everyday. I see Black men marrying and having children with black women everyday. What planet are you from? This is the same scripted crapola I hear from a few disgruntled women who make excuses for their short-comings in the dating scene...and their self-hatred and emotional insecurities often exaserbates the problem. The defeatist psyche of some women always pollutes the minds of many. I'm sick of it! Honestly those same women who make excuses should take a hard look at themselves. More often than not they are the problem and not black men they frequently chastise."



Dissident....


I've mentioned on this board, that in my area.........TONS of black men are dating white women.

I've also mentioned that those that visit this city, are oftened shocked that this is taking place. (I went to a concert, Mike Epps, said he couldnt believe how many MEN date interracially here)

I went to a club last weekend......and stood around as black men........ran behind the white women. The club was filled with black men/white women. (ohh and believe me.......not to be vain, but i was on point! It didnt matter) I left!!

These pro ball players, entertainers....ALL have white wives, etc.........this went on for years, and NO ONE complained, except black women. (You mentioned the William sisters, who was called every name in the book. At least they interact with others that are on their level, financially. What male ball player do you know do the same?)

On this board.....several black men have stated that they date white women.

Now with all of this going on........what did you think was going to happen? (What happened was....this allowed white men the right, to approach black women.......and it happens everyday.......trust)

I recalled a year ago, black women complaining about this, and black men making excuses........black women are fat, black, ugly, uneducated, loud, etc.

Black women got tired of hearing this, and moved on.

For the most part.......MOST black men are OK with dating I/R.......and i cant understand why you feel its OK for them..........but not ok for black women.

I've always dated black men......because deep in my heart, thats who i love, and im quite sure a lot of black women feel this way.

But after seeing all of this........what did you expect black women to do?
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I've mentioned on this board, that in my area.........TONS of black men are dating white women.
...............
On this board.....several black men have stated that they date white women.

Now with all of this going on........what did you think was going to happen? (What happened was....this allowed white men the right, to approach black women.......and it happens everyday.......trust)


I don't know about where you live but where I live I don't see tons of black men dating white women.

And if I'm one of the people on thee boards you're talking about (dating white women), I'VE ALSO said that I've dated black women exclusively (EXCLUSIVELY - that is turning down everyone else) for the last few years. And if I've dated white women in the past, it's because I couldn't find a black woman who

1) Didn't have a major attitude problem about black men

2) Wasn't look for a 6 figure earning fancy car driving man

3) Wasn't looking for a 6 ft. tall guy with a little (or even a lot of) thug in him

4) Wasn't a Jesus freak from Mars

5) Just was plain not interested for whatever reason.

I repeat, I've EXCLUSIVELY dated black women for a few years now and its been the most depressing dating period of my life. I'm tired of this crap.

I'm not saying that I'm Denzel. I'm not chopped liver either. But DAAAAYUM. My experience seems to suggest that Sistas have some major damn problems too......
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
HonestBrother

I may be wrong.......and please excuse me if i am. (I'll look for the thread)

But didnt you mention that you DATE white women, because you cant find a decent black woman?

Confused

You have issues with black women dating/marrying white men?? Confused


You can date whoever you want. But don't do it on the basis of some BS (No good black men, etc). Do it because that's what you want to do.
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I've mentioned on this board, that in my area.........TONS of black men are dating white women.
...............
On this board.....several black men have stated that they date white women.

Now with all of this going on........what did you think was going to happen? (What happened was....this allowed white men the right, to approach black women.......and it happens everyday.......trust)


I don't know about where you live but where I live I don't see tons of black men dating white women.

And if I'm one of the people on thee boards you're talking about (dating white women), I'VE ALSO said that I've dated black women exclusively (EXCLUSIVELY - that is turning down everyone else) for the last few years. And if I've dated white women in the past, it's because I couldn't find a black woman who

1) Didn't have a major attitude problem about black men

2) Wasn't look for a 6 figure earning fancy car driving man

3) Wasn't looking for a 6 ft. tall guy with a little (or even a lot of) thug in him

4) Wasn't a Jesus freak from Mars

5) Just was plain not interested for whatever reason.

I repeat, I've EXCLUSIVELY dated black women for a few years now and its been the most depressing dating period of my life. I'm tired of this crap.

I'm not saying that I'm Denzel. I'm not chopped liver either. But DAAAAYUM. My experience seems to suggest that Sistas have some major damn problems too......




So i can say the same about you, that Dissident, is saying about black women........??

Youre making excuses!!! ???????
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I've mentioned on this board, that in my area.........TONS of black men are dating white women.
...............
On this board.....several black men have stated that they date white women.

Now with all of this going on........what did you think was going to happen? (What happened was....this allowed white men the right, to approach black women.......and it happens everyday.......trust)


I don't know about where you live but where I live I don't see tons of black men dating white women.

And if I'm one of the people on these boards you're talking about (dating white women), I'VE ALSO said that I've dated black women exclusively (EXCLUSIVELY - that is turning down everyone else) for the last few years. And if I've dated white women in the past, it's because I couldn't find a black woman who

1) Didn't have a major attitude problem about black men

2) Wasn't look for a 6 figure earning fancy car driving man

3) Wasn't looking for a 6 ft. tall guy with a little (or even a lot of) thug in him

4) Wasn't a Jesus freak from Mars

5) Just was plain not interested for whatever reason.

I repeat, I've EXCLUSIVELY dated black women for a few years now and its been the most depressing dating period of my life. I'm tired of this crap.

I'm not saying that I'm Denzel. I'm not chopped liver either. But DAAAAYUM. My experience seems to suggest that Sistas have some major damn problems too......




So i can say the same about you, that Dissident, is saying about black women........??

Youre making excuses!!! ???????


I'm not making excuses. I'm telling you honestly about my real world life experience. EVERY time I go near a sista it seems like I should expect the same outcome. NADA. And I've gone out with more than 20 people (black women) in the last few years. I look back at my life and I see that I have a much better track record dating white women. And I have to seriously asking myself what the hell is the matter.

I'm serious. I DON'T KNOW. This shit DRIVES ME CRAZY.

I just met this sista a week ago. And I thought I'd finally hit pay dirt. I mean I was EXCITED. Even she said that I was the only guy she's met in the last 7 years she was really interested in dating. But no. Once again, there's a hitch.

WHAT'S GOING ON???? Frown

Then I have to sit back and listen to "There are no good black men", "Black men don't want us", etc., etc.

Bullshit. Based on my experience, I don't think that black men are the only ones with a problem. Because NONE of the things black women complain about apply in my case. I'm (very) educated, professional, decent looking (some say downright handsome), and serious about finding (preferably) a black woman for a longterm relationship. And I come up empty handed EVERY time. Even if I was doing something majorly wrong, statistically you'd still expect a better outcome. And the fact that I've had much better success with other ethnicities says I can't be doing anything THAT majorly wrong. My conclusion?: Brothas may have some major problems. But the reality - which black women refuse to face up to - is we're not alone.
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quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I went to a club last weekend......and stood around as black men........ran behind the white women. The club was filled with black men/white women. (ohh and believe me.......not to be vain, but i was on point! It didnt matter) I left!!

This is sad. I wish I lived in your town! I can honestly say I would never walk passed you in a club.

But, off, I've found that clubs aren't the best place to find quality women anyway. Not that they are not there, just that the entire environment is loaded with preconceptions that make it difficult to actually get to know someone, even superficially. I sure the same goes for men. Would you really want the attention of one of these men, under these circumstances?
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I went to a club last weekend......and stood around as black men........ran behind the white women. The club was filled with black men/white women. (ohh and believe me.......not to be vain, but i was on point! It didnt matter) I left!!

This is sad. I wish I lived in your town! I can honestly say I would never walk passed you in a club.

But, off, I've found that clubs aren't the best place to find quality women anyway. Not that they are not there, just that the entire environment is loaded with preconceptions that make it difficult to actually get to know someone, even superficially. I sure the same goes for men. Would you really want the attention of one of these men, under these circumstances?


Excellent point. I never go looking for a quality date in a club.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
These pro ball players, entertainers....ALL have white wives, etc.

I'd be very careful with the word "all". As Faheem pointed out on a previous thread on this topic, Michael Jordan is married to a Black woman.

quote:
On this board.....several black men have stated that they date white women.

They've also stated that they date Black women. No one to my knowledge has said that they exclusively date white women.

quote:
For the most part.......MOST black men are OK with dating I/R.......and i cant understand why you feel its OK for them..........but not ok for black women.

I think that the Black men who date I/R are OK with Black women doing it as well. I feel that Faheem and Dissident, and others who share their views are against I/R dating period. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong guys.

quote:
I've always dated black men......because deep in my heart, thats who i love, and im quite sure a lot of black women feel this way.

Pardon if I misunderstood your statement, but I don't think its neccessary for Black men to love you. You only need one good one. Wink
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Yes this was an interesting thread.

What i notice is that, these black women are different in every way, but found love............and seem to be getting married.

Some are light skin, dark skin, over weight, athletic, short hair, long hair, etc...............and these men are not complaining!!

I love it!!! appl


how do you know that 'these men are not complaining!!'...it's just a picture. Confused
Honest Brother.....

So this is what i gather........

When you make these statements.......these are because of your experiences. But when black women make these statements.............shes COMPLAINING.

Dont you think thats weird?

I dont make excuses, about why im single...........my only problem is that a lot black men are no longer interested in black women......me and other women, are feeling the brunt of this behavior.

But i keep telling you.......if you feel better about dating 'other' races, then do so!!!

I cant understand the problem???? Confused
Black Viking....

This is true.......finding a man in a club, is not the best thing to do. (although my parents met in a club).

So, i cant meet them in the club.......and i damn sure dont see black men on campus at school, so hopefully i'll bump into one, out of the blue. Smile

Now in answer to your other post........

Instead of saying ALL, i'll say MOST!!
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Honest Brother.....

So this is what i gather........

When you make these statements.......these are because of your experiences. But when black women make these statements.............shes COMPLAINING.

Dont you think thats weird?

I dont make excuses, about why im single...........my only problem is that a lot black men are no longer interested in black women......me and other women, are feeling the brunt of this behavior.

But i keep telling you.......if you feel better about dating 'other' races, then do so!!!

I cant understand the problem???? Confused


Qty, aren't you supposed to be in law school or something? Listening to what people ACTUALLY say - as opposed to putting YOUR words in their mouth - is a pretty important skill for a lawyer. Wouldn't you say?
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Yes this was an interesting thread.

What i notice is that, these black women are different in every way, but found love............and seem to be getting married.

Some are light skin, dark skin, over weight, athletic, short hair, long hair, etc...............and these men are not complaining!!

I love it!!! appl


how do you know that 'these men are not complaining!!'...it's just a picture. Confused



Question....

Why are you so concerned with WHAT black women are doing...???
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Honest Brother.....

So this is what i gather........

When you make these statements.......these are because of your experiences. But when black women make these statements.............shes COMPLAINING.

Dont you think thats weird?

I dont make excuses, about why im single...........my only problem is that a lot black men are no longer interested in black women......me and other women, are feeling the brunt of this behavior.

But i keep telling you.......if you feel better about dating 'other' races, then do so!!!

I cant understand the problem???? Confused


Qty aren't you supposed to be in law school or something? Listening to what people ACTUALLY say - as opposed to putting YOUR words in their mouth - is a pretty important skill for a lawyer. Wouldn't you say?




Was that supposed to be a low blow? hhhmmmm think again...and answer the question.

Whats your problem? You are dating white women.......but you want the sistas to do what???
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Yes this was an interesting thread.

What i notice is that, these black women are different in every way, but found love............and seem to be getting married.

Some are light skin, dark skin, over weight, athletic, short hair, long hair, etc...............and these men are not complaining!!

I love it!!! appl


how do you know that 'these men are not complaining!!'...it's just a picture. Confused



Question....

Why are you so concerned with WHAT black women are doing...???


actually I not, I was wonder how you can infer so much from a photograph. that's all. As for IR couples, I'm one of the few proponents of such union. I feel love is colorblind and that why I started this celebration thread topic. fro

question 2:

pictured also are black men with white women, some are married to them, can it also be assumed that they are in love too?? I feel that is a valid question since so many of the black women pictured with other race men are 'just dating'. Explanation please Confused
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:

Was that supposed to be a low blow? hhhmmmm think again...and answer the question.

Whats your problem? You are dating white women.......but you want the sistas to do what???


It's true. YOU SEEM TO NEVER ADDRESS WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY.

You just said

quote:

Whats your problem? You are dating white women.......but you want the sistas to do what???


INSPITE of the fact that I have repeatedly said that I've dated EXCLUSIVELY black in the last few years. Inspite of the fact, I've said I would prefer to marry black.

Where I'm concerned, you've repeatedly shown yourself to be an extremely poor listener. You latch on to just enough of what I say to prove your point. And then the rest goes out the other ear.
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:

Was that supposed to be a low blow? hhhmmmm think again...and answer the question.

Whats your problem? You are dating white women.......but you want the sistas to do what???


It's true. YOU SEEM TO NEVER ADDRESS WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY.

You just said

quote:

Whats your problem? You are dating white women.......but you want the sistas to do what???


INSPITE of the fact that I have repeatedly said that I've dated EXCLUSIVELY black in the last few years. Inspite of the fact, I've said I would prefeer to marry black.

Where I'm concerned you've repeatedly shown yourself to be an extremely poor listener. You latch on to just enough to prove your point. And then the rest goes out the window.




Nope, you have justified your reasons for dating white women.........so continue to do so, and that'll help you to stop, complaining about black women.

Why complain when you have someone else to love?????
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Yes this was an interesting thread.

What i notice is that, these black women are different in every way, but found love............and seem to be getting married.

Some are light skin, dark skin, over weight, athletic, short hair, long hair, etc...............and these men are not complaining!!

I love it!!! appl


how do you know that 'these men are not complaining!!'...it's just a picture. Confused



Question....

Why are you so concerned with WHAT black women are doing...???


actually I not, I was wonder how you can infer so much from a photograph. that's all. As for IR couples, I'm one of the few proponents of such union. I feel love is colorblind and that why I started this celebration thread topic. fro

question 2:

pictured also are black men with white women, some are married to them, can it also be assumed that they are in love too?? I feel that is a valid question since so many of the black women pictured with other race men are 'just dating'. Explanation please Confused




I made an observation, concerning black women..........(because im a black woman).

So i'll tell you what.........You make the same observation concerning black men.

Why should I........am not a man.

Also Radio.......since you feel to celebrate this on a black site...........do you feel the need to celebrate this info on a white one?

I think white women should know how YOU feel....Youre not looking at black women, why should i care what YOU think.....or who you want to celebrate?
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Why complain when you have someone else to love?????


And oh yeah, thanks for illustrating the mental problems some of you sistas have tfro




Thats the best you got??

More excuses huh?

I feel you!! Smile



Why the hell should I bother wasting my time typing ish to someone who doesn't bother to actually read and comprehend it? You respond the same no matter what I say.

That's not an excuse. it's an objective fact that's clear to anyone who reads this thread.
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Why complain when you have someone else to love?????


Take your bitterness somewhere else. If you can't have an adult conversation then maybe you need to go to the kiddy table Roll Eyes

I can't talk to somebody got cotton stuffed up in their ears.



HB....im not bitter. Believe that.....

Im a black woman, that will never allow ANYONE to boldly display affection for white women...........while degrading black women.



What issues do i have........im a 23 year old, black woman, no children, educated woman. The problem that you are having with me, is the fact that I have no issues..........thus, calling you out when you make statements concerning black women.

Gimmie a break...!!

Stop with the personal attacks!!
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:

HB....im not bitter. Believe that.....

Im a black woman, that will never allow ANYONE to boldly display affection for white women...........while degrading black women.

Stop with your personal attacks!!


QTY, I haven't done or said a damn thing to "degrade black women"

Likewise I haven't "boldly displayed affection for white women"
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Take your bitterness somewhere else. If you can't have an adult conversation then maybe you need to go to the kiddy table Roll Eyes


You know...after fighting with you, i actually laughed so hard when i read this....!! lol spank

I actually remember being told to do this........!! lol

This is was too funny....
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
What issues do i have........im a 23 year old, black woman, no children, educated woman. The problem that you are having with me, is the fact that I have no issues..........thus, calling you out when you make statements concerning black women.

Gimmie a break...!!

Stop with the personal attacks!!


The ONLY statements I've made about black women are about people I've personally experienced.

You calling me a liar?

And I'm 35, educated, with no children.

Oh that's right. I'm a black man. So I'm supposed to have multiple baby mamas. I forgot Roll Eyes

So what? You're 23, educated and no kids? You want an award?

And I've made no "personal attacks" against you. Other than saying you never respond to what I ACTUALLY say.

Which is true.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Yes this was an interesting thread.

What i notice is that, these black women are different in every way, but found love............and seem to be getting married.

Some are light skin, dark skin, over weight, athletic, short hair, long hair, etc...............and these men are not complaining!!

I love it!!! appl


how do you know that 'these men are not complaining!!'...it's just a picture. Confused



Question....

Why are you so concerned with WHAT black women are doing...???


actually I not, I was wonder how you can infer so much from a photograph. that's all. As for IR couples, I'm one of the few proponents of such union. I feel love is colorblind and that why I started this celebration thread topic. fro

question 2:

pictured also are black men with white women, some are married to them, can it also be assumed that they are in love too?? I feel that is a valid question since so many of the black women pictured with other race men are 'just dating'. Explanation please Confused




I made an observation, concerning black women..........(because im a black woman).
**Understood, but I thought you had some extra information to post about those you spoke about. I guess not. Maybe you are seeing what you want to see and no what is actually there. Smile***



So i'll tell you what.........You make the same observation concerning black men.
**I deal in reality. I need not make any type of statements for anyone. It serves no purpose.**

Why should I........am not a man.
**I dont understand your point?? Are you suppose to 'cheer on' black women no matter what? I dont unerstand the gender divide here. All of the couples are mixed, why not cheer them all??



Also Radio.......since you feel to celebrate this on a black site...........do you feel the need to celebrate this info on a white one?
**I ONLY belong to this site. Are there white sites you can recommend?? I would gladly celebrate mixed doubles love there too Smile


I think white women should know how YOU feel....
**sounds good to me!!!...but my love is colorless. I can see beauty is all races**

Youre not looking at black women, why should i care what YOU think.....or who you want to celebrate?
**WHERE / WHEN did I say this?? Are you putting words in my mouth?? Currently, I am dating a black woman [I stated this several times]. I guess you only want to personalize this discussion and add in untruths. Good luck with that. I'm finished!!


quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Now in answer to your other post........

Instead of saying ALL, i'll say MOST!!


qty, 92% of all married Black men are married to Black women. Smile

Of course, they're not all celebrities, but that's OK. Right?


Black Viking, Qty is a law student. So we should help her out.

There's a difference in meaning (sometimes profound) between the terms "All" and "Some", "Many" and "Most"...
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by qty226:
Yes this was an interesting thread.

What i notice is that, these black women are different in every way, but found love............and seem to be getting married.

Some are light skin, dark skin, over weight, athletic, short hair, long hair, etc...............and these men are not complaining!!

I love it!!! appl


how do you know that 'these men are not complaining!!'...it's just a picture. Confused



Question....

Why are you so concerned with WHAT black women are doing...???


actually I not, I was wonder how you can infer so much from a photograph. that's all. As for IR couples, I'm one of the few proponents of such union. I feel love is colorblind and that why I started this celebration thread topic. fro

question 2:

pictured also are black men with white women, some are married to them, can it also be assumed that they are in love too?? I feel that is a valid question since so many of the black women pictured with other race men are 'just dating'. Explanation please Confused




I made an observation, concerning black women..........(because im a black woman).
**Understood, but I thought you had some extra information to post about those you spoke about. I guess not. Maybe you are seeing what you want to see and no what is actually there. Smile***


@ Radio.......how could you figure that.....i saw dark skin, light skin, over weight, athletic, etc....ALL with smiles on their faces.



So i'll tell you what.........You make the same observation concerning black men.
**I deal in reality. I need not make any type of statements for anyone. It serves no purpose.**

@ Radio, if it serves no purpose.....then you should not comment on such!!



**I dont understand your point?? Are you suppose to 'cheer on' black women no matter what? I dont unerstand the gender divide here. All of the couples are mixed, why not cheer them all??


@ Radio, I commented on black women.......because im a black woman. Thats reason enough....!!


Also Radio.......since you feel to celebrate this on a black site...........do you feel the need to celebrate this info on a white one?
**I ONLY belong to this site. Are there white sites you can recommend?? I would gladly celebrate mixed doubles love there too Smile


@ Radio, youre the king of the internet.......im quite sure if you can find pics of women all day.......you can look for different sites, to show off your art work!!


I think white women should know how YOU feel....

**sounds good to me!!!...but my love is colorless. I can see beauty is all races**

@ Radio.......whatever floats your boat!!


Youre not looking at black women, why should i care what YOU think.....or who you want to celebrate?
**WHERE / WHEN did I say this?? Are you putting words in my mouth?? Currently, I am dating a black woman [I stated this several times]. I guess you only want to personalize this discussion and add in untruths. Good luck with that. I'm finished!!


@ Radio, i dont care who you are dating....

I made a statement, and i will continue to stand by it!!!! Smile


quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Now in answer to your other post........

Instead of saying ALL, i'll say MOST!!


qty, 92% of all married Black men are married to Black women. Smile

Of course, they're not all celebrities, but that's OK. Right?



Ok, so out of the 40% of black men that are married, a small percentage.....are married to white women? Thats fair to say...!


Honestbrother........its tearing you up, at the fact that i could careless about your reasonings for dating white women.

I keep telling you to be happy with your choice.

Why does this piss you off.......im actually agreeing with you.

Confused
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Now in answer to your other post........

Instead of saying ALL, i'll say MOST!!


qty, 92% of all married Black men are married to Black women. Smile

Of course, they're not all celebrities, but that's OK. Right?



Ok, so out of the 40% of black men that are married, a small percentage.....are married to white women? Thats fair to say...!


Honestbrother........its tearing you up, at the fact that i could careless about your reasonings for dating white women.

I keep telling you to be happy with your choice.

Why does this piss you off.......im actually agreeing with you.

Confused


Whatevah ... let me know when you learn HOW TO READ and/or get an attitude readjustment... Then MAYBE I will have something else to say to you. I'm out of this "discussion"
I wrote this

quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
What issues do i have........im a 23 year old, black woman, no children, educated woman. The problem that you are having with me, is the fact that I have no issues..........thus, calling you out when you make statements concerning black women.

Gimmie a break...!!

Stop with the personal attacks!!


The ONLY statements I've made about black women are about people I've personally experienced.

You calling me a liar?

And I'm 35, educated, with no children.

Oh that's right. I'm a black man. So I'm supposed to have multiple baby mamas. I forgot Roll Eyes

So what? You're 23, educated and no kids? You want an award?

And I've made no "personal attacks" against you. Other than saying you never respond to what I ACTUALLY say.

Which is true.


how was what you a wrote a response????
Then I wrote this

quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Now in answer to your other post........

Instead of saying ALL, i'll say MOST!!


qty, 92% of all married Black men are married to Black women. Smile

Of course, they're not all celebrities, but that's OK. Right?


Black Viking, Qty is a law student. So we should help her out.

There's a difference in meaning (sometimes profound) between the terms "All" and "Some", "Many" and "Most"...
quote:
Originally posted by ricardomath:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:

Listening to what people ACTUALLY say - as opposed to putting YOUR words in their mouth - is a pretty important skill for a lawyer. Wouldn't you say?


So is the ability to put words in somebody's mouth, while at the same time making it appear as if you didn't.

Razz


You have a point there....
We were talking about this subject today. I don't care if a black man decides to date white, Asian, Spanish, etc. It doesn't make a bit of difference to me. What I find offensive is the reasons some black men date women that are not black. I hate to hear a black man put use down because he prefers something other then us to justify his actions. Wesley Snipes is a prime example of putting black women down. I think the magazine was Ebony some years ago, he said that we are too loud, too many children, on welfare, gold diggers, etc. I lost all respect of him after that. And what he said does not describe me and a lot of black women.. And the most influential black women in his life would have been his mother; soooooooooooooo was he talking about his mother?????????? I just get heated when black men put us down to justify why they date other nationalities.
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Qty, I think I see why you can't get a man


Well lets just say this...........i cant get a black man.

Should i care??? Big Grin


Whatever poor bastard wants you can have you Big Grin




I doubt if they will be poor, or bastards!!

Just do you!!
quote:
Originally posted by Ouwe:
We were talking about this subject today. I don't care if a black man decides to date white, Asian, Spanish, etc. It doesn't make a bit of difference to me. What I find offensive is the reasons some black men date women that are not black. I hate to hear a black man put use down because he prefers something other then us to justify his actions. Wesley Snipes is a prime example of putting black women down. I think the magazine was Ebony some years ago, he said that we are too loud, too many children, on welfare, gold diggers, etc. I lost all respect of him after that. And what he said does not describe me and a lot of black women.. And the most influential black women in his life would have been his mother; soooooooooooooo was he talking about his mother?????????? I just get heated when black men put us down to justify why they date other nationalities.


Once and for all, WHO PUT BLACK WOMEN DOWN ON THIS THREAD??????
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Qty, I think I see why you can't get a man


Well lets just say this...........i cant get a black man.

Should i care??? Big Grin


Whatever poor bastard wants you can have you Big Grin




I doubt if they will be poor, or bastards!!

Just do you!!


They may be neither poor nor bastards... They might be plenty dumb though
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Qty, I think I see why you can't get a man


Well lets just say this...........i cant get a black man.

Should i care??? Big Grin


Whatever poor bastard wants you can have you Big Grin




I doubt if they will be poor, or bastards!!

Just do you!!


They may be neither poor nor bastards... They might be plenty dumb though



Now dumb i can deal with........just as long as hes not poor or a bastard.

See we're agreeing here.....!! Big Grin

Now please notice.....i've never called you a 'anything bad'.....i didnt take this to a personal level, by saying disrespectful things to you.....and you have the nerve to call me DUMB?
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Qty, I think I see why you can't get a man


Well lets just say this...........i cant get a black man.

Should i care??? Big Grin


Whatever poor bastard wants you can have you Big Grin




I doubt if they will be poor, or bastards!!

Just do you!!


They may be neither poor nor bastards... They might be plenty dumb though



Now dumb i can deal with........just as long as hes not poor or a bastard.

See we're agreeing here.....!! Big Grin


Whatevah.... he can have your sour azzz.
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by Ouwe:
We were talking about this subject today. I don't care if a black man decides to date white, Asian, Spanish, etc. It doesn't make a bit of difference to me. What I find offensive is the reasons some black men date women that are not black. I hate to hear a black man put use down because he prefers something other then us to justify his actions. Wesley Snipes is a prime example of putting black women down. I think the magazine was Ebony some years ago, he said that we are too loud, too many children, on welfare, gold diggers, etc. I lost all respect of him after that. And what he said does not describe me and a lot of black women.. And the most influential black women in his life would have been his mother; soooooooooooooo was he talking about his mother?????????? I just get heated when black men put us down to justify why they date other nationalities.


Once and for all, WHO PUT BLACK WOMEN DOWN ON THIS THREAD??????


Um nobody, I just stated my thoughts, I am new to the board, and I don't want to get into a debate about how I feel, it's only my opinion. Wink
Take the one-sided gender references (the phenomenon should be offensive whether it's Black men or women using the tactic) out and I agree with:
quote:
I hate to hear a black man put use down because he prefers something other then us to justify his actions... I just get heated when black men put us down to justify why they date other nationalities.


Raheem, you might have another riot on your hands!

HB - be careful! Your worldview at 23 was probably different than it is 35. Give qty a chance to live & adjust hers. Clearly, Tampa, has a lot to do with how she views things. I would bet 5lbs. of protein that if she went to school in the AUC, her outlook on Black dating would be a little different.

To all the advocates of IR relationships - how do you manage the culture conflicts along with the normal gender conflicts?
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Well lets just say this...........i cant get a black man.


I find this very hard to believe. Are you sure that you actually want a Black man? You've explained the dating scene in Tampa many times, but I have a feeling there's more to it than that.

The chances of me finding a Black woman where I live is almost non-existant. That's because there just aren't any here. But there are Black men in Tampa. Considering the statistics we just explored, it can't be all the white women's doing. Can it?
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
To all the advocates of IR relationships - how do you manage the culture conflicts along with the normal gender conflicts?


Very, very carefully. It's complicated and it can go wrong very easily. Both people have to be bigger than the bullshit. That in itself can be difficult to find.

As I've said before, patience and sensitivity are the key words. Patience with communication, because each person probably has vastly different styles. Sensitivity for any subject or situation where either person has no frame of reference. I think these things are mandatory in IR's, but all male/female relationships would benefit from a successful application of these two words.

Then again, one person I shared this with said "If women talked a little less and men listened a little more, both those things would come naturally." lol

My 2 Cents... hat
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
Take the one-sided gender references (the phenomenon should be offensive whether it's Black men or women using the tactic) out and I agree with:
quote:
I hate to hear a black man put use down because he prefers something other then us to justify his actions... I just get heated when black men put us down to justify why they date other nationalities.


Raheem, you might have another riot on your hands!

HB - be careful! Your worldview at 23 was probably different than it is 35. Give qty a chance to live & adjust hers. Clearly, Tampa, has a lot to do with how she views things. I would bet 5lbs. of protein that if she went to school in the AUC, her outlook on Black dating would be a little different.

To all the advocates of IR relationships - how do you manage the culture conflicts along with the normal gender conflicts?


I personally view all conflicts in that relationship as normal, not race based. I think that it takes two VERY understanding people to look above race to have a functional relationship. Race topics have come up in those relationships, for me, but since she nor I are racist, they have been discussed without anger/hatred.
DDouble.........Your statement is probably true. But what i've heard, is that black men/women are not seeing eye to eye.....across the nation. I do know this........if i date a white man, im not going to make excuses, that black men are uneducated, low lives, etc, etc. etc. I've never said this about black men.....and im tired of black men saying this about black women.



Black Viking....Youre trying to play with my intelligence. If you want to believe, that black men are dating white women.......because of my attitude, im fat, black, ugly, uneducated.......then say it.

Its truly amazing, how black men are willing to have patience, sensitivity, working hard to communicate......with other races but not black women!!

As far as im concerned........this is a dead issue.



"Typical.

How DARE those Black women have a smile on their faces?! Don't they know they're supposed to be somebody's emotional punching bag?! I guess they didn't get the memo."


Yes frenchy, typical indeed!!!
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Black Viking....Youre trying to play with my intelligence. If you want to believe, that black men are dating white women.......because of my attitude, im fat, black, ugly, uneducated.......then say it.

Its truly amazing, how black men are willing to have patience, sensitivity, working hard to communicate......with other races but not black women!!


"Typical.

How DARE those Black women have a smile on their faces?! Don't they know they're supposed to be somebody's emotional punching bag?! I guess they didn't get the memo."



Yes frenchy, typical indeed!!!



Qty, I was trying hard to communicate with you. And you made a shit's worth of an effort to listen.... I think the same can be said of Black Viking. In fact, he was MORE patient than I was.

YOU females - Both you and Frenchy - haven't heard shit that we said. You just seized up on what you wanted to hear. That part which made you feel justified in your hostility.

quote:

If you want to believe, that black men are dating white women.......because of my attitude, im fat, black, ugly, uneducated.......then say it.


Black Viking has said several times I can remember that you're attractive.

The fact that you don't deem it important to listen to folks says VOLUMES about your attitude though ....

For the record, I think you're attractive. But I can't deal with that tude.
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
I've found that conversations white folk don't need to be involved in simply don't interest them. If they're interested, for whatever reason, then they need to be involved.


That is one of the most asinine comments I've ever heard! White folk love an ignorant ass negro like you... and you go right along with it. ***shaking my head****

Do you allow your neighbors to get involved in your family business? If so then you're one weak ass excuse for a man. I wonder how do you live with yourself.

White folk don't need to do a goddamn thing except stay out of the internal affairs of Black people unless invited. Period!

I'm done with this thread.

OUT!
quote:
Originally posted by Dissident:
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
I've found that conversations white folk don't need to be involved in simply don't interest them. If they're interested, for whatever reason, then they need to be involved.


That is one of the most asinine comments I've ever heard! White folk love an ignorant ass negro like you... and you go right along with it. ***shaking my head****


My, my, my. Haven't we gotten a little testy all of a sudden? Did someone get up on the wrong side of his coffin?

Next time you want to get a wild hair up your ass you might want to consider the context of the conversation. Like I said, ricardomath apparently has some experience related to the topic which would explain his interest. Like it or not, this is an inter-racial subject. Therefore, anything white people want to contribute is fine by me. But, if you don't like it, plug your ears and go sit in the corner.

quote:
Do you allow your neighbors to get involved in your family business? If so then you're one weak ass excuse for a man. I wonder how do you live with yourself.

Neighbors and family business have nothing, I repreat, NOTHING to do with the topic of this thread. There is no correlation.

I live with myself just fine, thank you. Even though occasionally I have to put up with shitheads like you.

quote:
White folk don't need to do a goddamn thing except stay out of the internal affairs of Black people unless invited. Period!

I'm not sure if you were paying attention the last time I reminded you of this, but the topic of this thread is Inter-Racial Couples. It doesn't have dick to do with the "internal affairs of Black people".


quote:
I'm done with this thread.

OUT!


Damn... and you've been so inspirational up to this point. sleep sleepsleep
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by qty226
Black Viking....Youre trying to play with my intelligence. If you want to believe, that black men are dating white women.......because of my attitude, im fat, black, ugly, uneducated.......then say it.

If that's what I believed, then that's what I would have said. But, that's not what I said. Your projecting. Why?

quote:
Its truly amazing, how black men are willing to have patience, sensitivity, working hard to communicate......with other races but not black women!!

What have we been doing all this time?
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Well lets just say this...........i cant get a black man.


I find this very hard to believe. Are you sure that you actually want a Black man? You've explained the dating scene in Tampa many times, but i have a feeling there's more to it than that.

The chances of me finding a Black woman where I live is almost non-existant. That's because there just aren't any here. But there are Black men in Tampa. Considering the statistics we just explored, it can't be all the white women's doing. Can it?



Ok, to be fair.......im going to retract, and ask....what were you implying?
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Well lets just say this...........i cant get a black man.


I find this very hard to believe. Are you sure that you actually want a Black man? You've explained the dating scene in Tampa many times, but i have a feeling there's more to it than that.

The chances of me finding a Black woman where I live is almost non-existant. That's because there just aren't any here. But there are Black men in Tampa. Considering the statistics we just explored, it can't be all the white women's doing. Can it?



Ok, to be fair.......im going to retract, and ask....what were you implying?


I'm trying to understand why you think you can't get a Black man. All the things that you listed, "I'm too fat, black, ugly, uneducated, ect." doesn't describe you. So what's the deal?

I'm wondering if the Black men that are around you just aren't up to your standards, whatever your standards are. That's why I brought the statistics back up. According to the statistics, Black men want you. My question is, do you want them?
See, it's like this: You guys are applying analytical thinking in an obvious attempt to gain understanding. While this is great, you'll come up against a wall of truth that most Sistas would rather not climb over.

Now, if you can get the Sistas to admit those points they never want to.

You gotta be careful though, there are times when the truth can be a little ugly.
Black Viking...

Black men have options........and they are exercising those options. (Im just one of many women they can chose from)

As i've mentioned before (some people want to ignore this fact)........this is a problem in the black community. If a woman is too dark.....she goes unnoticed, i dont care how beautiful she is. Her light skinned friends, are the ones that get picked first!! They only want me, after these women turn them down....!!

This has always been a problem for me. Its happened since high school, and im therefore cautious of black men.

(Yeah, as Thayfen mentioned, the truth can be ugly)

I dont complain about the situation, i just move on in life.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
This has always been a problem for me. Its happened since high school, and im therefore cautious of black men.

Now I'm starting to understand why this whole thing has been so hard to get my brain around. I won't deny your experiences, but I can say with certainty that I've never said (or even conciously thought) that a woman was too black. But, that's just me, and I'm just one guy.

I can relate on some level though. I've been told by a small handfull of Black women that I was not Black enough (or too light skinned). It only happened a few times and I never really gave it much thought. I always figured there was another one around the corner, and the last thing I want to do is waste time on a woman who's not interested (regardless of what her reasons are). But I can easily see how a lifetime of experiences like that could have turned me off of Black women entirely.

Keep your options open Qty, and keep the faith. Wink Smile
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
As i've mentioned before (some people want to ignore this fact)........this is a problem in the black community. If a woman is too dark.....she goes unnoticed, i dont care how beautiful she is. Her light skinned friends, are the ones that get picked first!! They only want me, after these women turn them down....!!

This has always been a problem for me. Its happened since high school, and im therefore cautious of black men.

(Yeah, as Thayfen mentioned, the truth can be ugly)

I dont complain about the situation, i just move on in life.


Qty, I guess I should cut you some slack too. My sister has had this problem. So I do sympathize. Guys who make skin shade a criterion are shallow. I've seen absolutely beautiful sistas of all skin shades. All I can say is to keep your options open. And here's a piece of advice I've given to my own brother: Put your yourself in social situations where your special qualities shine. Night Clubs are not it. People in clubs tend to be shallow almost by definition. I mean develop hobbies. Join book clubs. Go to poetry readings. Etc. I'm serious. I do these things myself. Not that I've been terribly successful at finding a mate. But I do have a more interesting social life and more dates.
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
To all the advocates of IR relationships - how do you manage the culture conflicts along with the normal gender conflicts?


Black Viking said it very well:

"Very, very carefully. It's complicated and it can go wrong very easily. ...patience and sensitivity are the key words. Patience with communication, because each person probably has vastly different styles. Sensitivity for any subject or situation where either person has no frame of reference".

IMO, it's also important to be very clear about whether each person's reactions are personality-based or cultural.

No matter what IR mix, to keep it all together, you both have to have similar values and compatabilities.
.
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
And if I've dated white women in the past, it's because I couldn't find a black woman


hmmmmm.....Was the grass greener on the other side?

quote:
who

1) Didn't have a major attitude problem about black men
May I offer my opinion?

A Black woman may have an attitude because she's been hurt.... How do you respond to someone in pain?.... You offer comfort.... not judgment.... that will come later... after they know that you are someone they can trust will not hurt their heart anymore.....She may not be the one... but she is your "sister" so to speak.... and needs her self-image and hope revitalized if just in an instant..... Your brethren have done much damage in your name (Black Man)..... It's going to take different experiences and promotion thereof to change perceptions....


quote:
2) Wasn't look for a 6 figure earning fancy car driving man


May I say that... there are gold diggers.... and then there are women who simply want more out of life.... and for a woman (especially if she wants children).... she has to seriously consider a man who will not only be able to provide.... but also who will be able to provide if there are children (that will need her in a young age).... This is reality.... survival.... Then there is hope... everyone wants to improve...

So here is what I hear coming from my sisters.... Not 6 figure salary.... But "Is he going somewhere in life?" In this capitalist society that question is easily identifiable with material gain....

Every one has their different ideas of what that is.... But when you are here.... things cost... and a woman during pregnancy, nursing, infancy, toddler stage, etc... may not be the steady employee if she has a heart for her children.... she has to consider a man that will be able to not only provide the "basics" in her absence.... but also will continue to place the family forward.... this is almost instinctive....


quote:
3) Wasn't looking for a 6 ft. tall guy with a little (or even a lot of) thug in him


Unfortunately, many sisters are mislead about how to read in a man what they "really" want.... Many women are attracted to "thugs" or "some thug in him" Not because they want a criminal... but because a thug represents... "Nonconformity" this gives the illusion of "Power" the thug also represents "Strength".... this gives the illusion of protection.... Powerful, Man in Control, Knows what he wants, Strong... etc...

These are traits that are attractive in "Men" but are highly represented in our culture through the "thug"...... Many women have no other examples of these qualities outside of the thug image....


quote:
4) Wasn't a Jesus freak from Mars


People want to have the peace that comes from knowing right from wrong.... often they dive deep into their professed beliefs... if you understand people and why they do things.... you will know how to reach them when they are in error....

Many sisters are lonely... brother... Religion gives and keeps their dignity... and gives them hope.... some misuse this ...... but we need more compassion for each other.... it's hard... but needed none the less...


quote:
5) Just was plain not interested for whatever reason.


Not everyone will recognize a beautiful man in their midst..... But not everyone can fit together..... Her loss... Perhaps... or maybe .... relief for you both.....

quote:
I repeat, I've EXCLUSIVELY dated black women for a few years now and its been the most depressing dating period of my life. I'm tired of this crap.

I'm not saying that I'm Denzel. I'm not chopped liver either. But DAAAAYUM. My experience seems to suggest that Sistas have some major damn problems too......


Sisters do have MAJOR ISSUES... but we all do.... and it's dishearteniing to hear your experiences.... But don't shut the door to happiness.... in a sister.... there is love there... and comfort.... we have that in abundance... We have SOUL remember? You just have to know how to tap into it.... Or know when to recognize it in your midst....


Peace,
Virtue
If you dont have a firm KNOWLEDGE OF SELF, this white mans world with make you think you have no worth or you are less than any other human.But with that knowledge of who you are where you came from you have a frame of reference to draw on besides those forced on you through propaganda.Me personally I love sistas, especially attracted to brown and darkskinned sistas who loves who they are in their essence. Those who take pride in the natural texture of their hair the strong features in their appearance, and understand that god didnt make any mistakes when creating here, because she knows she is made of the best material in the universe. She is the Original Woman.
quote:
Originally posted by ZAKAR:
If you dont have a firm KNOWLEDGE OF SELF, this white mans world with make you think you have no worth or you are less than any other human.But with that knowledge of who you are where you came from you have a frame of reference to draw on besides those forced on you through propaganda.Me personally I love sistas, especially attracted to brown and darkskinned sistas who loves who they are in their essence. Those who take pride in the natural texture of their hair the strong features in their appearance, and understand that god didnt make any mistakes when creating here, because she knows she is made of the best material in the universe. She is the Original Woman.
There are many Black people that will try to make you feel that way as well......
Can't stop laughing at this. laugh


quote:
Originally posted by nayo:
Black men have options........and they are exercising those options.
----------------------------------------------

All a Black woman (the average to better than average 'sister)has to do, is look, away, or look down, or look out the window and it's like, where'd he go? rotfl!!!!! lol
From Vox's "That's Right, I Said It!" Department...

Any man or woman -- but especially women, for reasons I could discuss -- who complains, like QTY does, that the opposite sex doesn't want them for this reason or that, are consciously choosing to seek out opportunities to reinforce their complaint. They may want a man, but their desire to have a man is not as strong as their desire to complain about the men who don't want them. As a result, they devote more focus on the men to complain about, and less on the men who they could have. QTY, if you look anything like you do in the various avatars you've put up, there is no way that you can't find black men who find you attractive enough to want to get with. Where I'm from, men will get with just about any woman who throws them some play. And I've never been anywhere where I didn't notice that was the case.

Until the past year or so, most of my life was spent having serious problems attracting women. I was almost always alone. Throughout this time, I knew some black men who preferred to date white women. They ALWAYS would say that their preference was because black women were "too loud, too uneducated, too belligerent," etc.

The reason I brought up the fact that I was always alone was this: despite my limited opportunities with women, I never found myself having to date the type of women that these guys were talking about. I knew plenty of black women who were uneducated, belligerent, and too loud. But the women I always found myself dating were attractive, intelligent, nurturing, nice women. I didn't feel like I was being too selective, either. I had the same quality of women as I seem to find now, even though my opportunities back then were a lot more limited than they are now.

This led me to the conclusion that if a guy like me, who had a hard time meeting women, was still able to pick from the kind of black women that I wanted to be with, then these other black guys should not have had a problem finding them either. So they were making up a bullshit excuse for why they preferred to date white women.

At the same time, I used to notice that black women would spend more time bashing the men who were off-limits, and no time on giving the time of day to the men who weren't. If I'm alone in a train station, and there's a black guy with his white girlfriend and their baby, the two black women would completely ignore me and badmouth the other black guy. If I'm standing there alone, and Jo-Jo Gold-Toof is also standing alone, the black women will completely ignore me and focus on badmouthing Jo-Jo Gold-Toof. If I'm standing alone, and an effeminate gay guy is there, black women standing there are lamenting the fact that the other guy is gay... again, completely ignoring me.

You may want a man. But what you want even more is to complain and commiserate about the fact that you don't have a man. The desire for romance is dwarfed by the psychological need to temporarily sooth the bruised ego through criticism and complaint (while prolonging and worsening the problem in the process, though). QTY, you completely overlook the guys who are attracted to you, so you can concentrate on the ones who don't. In fact, if I had time, I would conduct an experiment right here on this site to prove it.

While you've been on this site, QTY, I recall that you have at times been complimented on this site by brothers who (like me) found you attractive. How many lines of text do you think you have written on this website addressing them, versus the number of lines of text you've written addressing men who've been criticizing you?

I would bet the ratio is at least 50 to one. If I'm anywhere near close, then case closed. In that case, you've got some things to think about, if real happiness is your goal.
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:
At the same time, I used to notice that black women would spend more time bashing the men who were off-limits, and no time on giving the time of day to the men who weren't. If I'm alone in a train station, and there's a black guy with his white girlfriend and their baby, the two black women would completely ignore me and badmouth the other black guy. If I'm standing there alone, and Jo-Jo Gold-Toof is also standing alone, the black women will completely ignore me and focus on badmouthing Jo-Jo Gold-Toof. If I'm standing alone, and an effeminate gay guy is there, black women standing there are lamenting the fact that the other guy is gay... again, completely ignoring me.


lol rotflmao lol

Not to start anything... But it seems like I always got the MOST attention from sistas when I was dating a white woman. When I was single looking for a black woman I couldn't get the time of day. This lasts for a year or two and then I meet another white woman. Then I get attention from sistas again.

laugh laugh laugh
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Not to start anything... But it seems like I always got the MOST attention from sistas when I was dating a white woman. When I was single looking for a black woman I couldn't get the time of day. This lasts for a year or two and then I meet another white woman. Then I get attention from sistas again.

That is so damn true, and then once I'm with a white woman, sistas want to give me a hard time. I'm always thinking, "Where the hell were you when I was single! Oh yeah. Now I remember. You wouldn't give me the time of day." bump
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Not to start anything... But it seems like I always got the MOST attention from sistas when I was dating a white woman. When I was single looking for a black woman I couldn't get the time of day. This lasts for a year or two and then I meet another white woman. Then I get attention from sistas again.

That is so damn true, and then once I'm with a white woman, sistas want to give me a hard time. I'm always thinking, "Where the hell were you when I was single! Oh yeah. Now I remember. You wouldn't give me the time of day." bump


When I've gone out with a white or non-black woman, I haven't noticed that as much. I chalk it up to my "racially-unclear" look. If I'm with a non-black woman, I don't think people assume right away that I'm black, but maybe Middle Eastern or Latino. When I went to Puerto Rico, I had a couple of American tourists try to ask me directions in Spanish... That was comical!

It works the other way too. One of the only times I was ever stopped by a state trooper for a bullshit reason was when I had other people (all black) in the car with me. When I'm by myself driving, I almost never have that problem.
Here we go again with this shit. Surprised it's coming from Vox this time around. The black man's experience is not the same as the Black woman's experience. Doesn't matter what you find when you go out looking. Unless you're looking for a brotha, you don't have a single clue what Black women encounter.

Quantity IS NOT the same as quality. 50 grubby, shiftless men hitting on a woman does not mean she "has a lot of options."

Qty, girl didn't you know you're supposed to drink the bathwater of any internet yahoo who pays you a compliment on your physical attributes?? Get with it girl! Big Grin
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
Here we go again with this shit. Surprised it's coming from Vox this time around. The black man's experience is not the same as the Black woman's experience. Doesn't matter what you find when you go out looking. Unless you're looking for a brotha, you don't have a single clue what Black women encounter.

Quantity IS NOT the same as quality. 50 grubby, shiftless men hitting on a woman does not mean she "has a lot of options."



Frenchy, sweetie ...

(Editorial injerjection: Am I a real moron for not moving to Florida?? Is it really this bastion of high quality, young, beautiful women that no quality man there wants??? Or did all the men with sense decide that they had enough of the hurricanes?)

... the problem is, you're wrong. Like I said, when I was in a setting in which I'm there and a couple of overtly gay guys are there, and the black women nearby stand there looking THROUGH me at the gay guys and bemoan what they see as proof that all the good men are either dead, in jail, or GAY, then I can and do have a clue as to what black women encounter. When most of the women I'm initially attracted to have boyfriends, etc... all I'm saying is that there is definitely something else going on than what's being discussed.

And in case you overlooked it, I also took men to task for making up excuses for their reported interracial experiences, as well.

Finally... as for this statement:
quote:
Qty, girl didn't you know you're supposed to drink the bathwater of any internet yahoo who pays you a compliment on your physical attributes?? Get with it girl!


You uncharacteristically miss my point. The point wasn't that QTY should be delving all into conversation with posters here who compliment her. The point is that if she has devoted 50,000% more of her posts here toward guys who say the types of things she decries about black men, than toward those she doesn't have similar problems with, then it serves as evidence of the direction in which her energies off line lie.

Just like all of the ignorant, loud, dramatic black women seem to be disproportionately in the world of the men who derive some sort of comfort in believing that these are the majority of black women. For a guy like me, who tends to look inward for his solutions, the loud, ignorant black women never, ever have come into my dating focus. Even during times when you'd think I would be prone to settle, I never focused on them. And believe me, they abound! It would have been EASY for me to do like what you do, and focus on them as the reason for being alone. But just think of the decent women I would have completely ignored, like some men do... You women are doing the same things. The comment about QTY's lines of text supports THAT idea, NOT the idea that she should be thankful and give play to fools like IronHorse.
Vox...

I've responded to 50% or more of my post, to forums that were created........concerning black women!

I've mentioned to you, that i've never disrespected or complained about black men. My issue was the constant, dogging of black women.

It was only fair that i responded....

Thats neither here nor there.......i'll follow other young black women.......who have told me, that i was stupid for even caring!

These women have weighed their options (are dating/marrying).......theyre happy, and i will be also!

Nuff said about this!!
Has anyone asked why I/R couples generate so much discourse? Its not a large activity percentage wise and why concern yourself if that brother/sister is with someone of a different race? After all even if they did stay "within thier own", theres nothing saying that they would be with you. I would rather focus my energies on finding that special sista to compliment me but if my fate is to be with someone of another race so be it.

*If its not taking place under your roof, its out of your hands*

Now off to class I go..........
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:

When I went to Puerto Rico, I had a couple of American tourists try to ask me directions in Spanish... That was comical!


A friend of ours from my wife's city in Colombia always has foreign students coming up to him in bars here in Ames and trying to speak to him in Chinese and Japanese.

His mother visited the US last year, flying here on the same flight with us during our return flight from Colombia. Asians kept coming up to her in the airports speaking Chinese and Japanese, too. She didn't know what to think, since she speaks only spanish. It was pretty funny. Her son has been here in Ames for a year or so, so he speaks some english, in addition to spanish.
quote:
Originally posted by ricardomath:
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:

When I went to Puerto Rico, I had a couple of American tourists try to ask me directions in Spanish... That was comical!


A friend of ours from my wife's city in Colombia always has foreign students coming up to him in bars here in Ames and trying to speak to him in Chinese and Japanese.

His mother visited the US last year, flying here on the same flight with us during our return flight from Colombia. Asians kept coming up to her in the airports speaking Chinese and Japanese, too. She didn't know what to think, since she speaks only spanish. It was pretty funny. Her son has been here in Ames for a year or so, so he speaks some english, in addition to spanish.



Ricardo, is she Asian (racially speaking)? Like Alberto Fujimori? Or does she just look it, because of native (a la Inca) extraction?
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:
... the problem is, you're wrong.


Then tell me when the last time was that you looked for an eligible man to date. Since I am apparently "wrong" about what I see and experience and so are these other sistas. Please, break it down for us and tell us what it is exactly that we run into out there. Clearly, we are all bitter liars inventing fantastic stories so that we can remain single and childless. Roll Eyes

quote:
Like I said, when I was in a setting in which I'm there and a couple of overtly gay guys are there, and the black women nearby stand there looking THROUGH me at the gay guys and bemoan what they see as proof that all the good men are either dead, in jail, or GAY, then I can and do have a clue as to what black women encounter.


What does that have to do with the price of beans in China? That speaks exclusively to your experience with women. It says ZIP, ZERO, NADA about what is going on with men.

quote:
When most of the women I'm initially attracted to have boyfriends, etc... all I'm saying is that there is definitely something else going on than what's being discussed.


Still waiting for that part where you discuss finding men.

You guys have a real problem trying to completely invalidate the experiences of people are are actually walking the walk. It's absolutely infuriating. I don't tell you "Vox, you're wrong. Those women were not looking past you at gay men, you are just too bitter and jaded to see that they wanted your attention." Cut it out. Acknowledge that your road is not everyone else's road and don't presume to make people feel like they are insane/delusional for remarking on the world around them. You do not experience this life the same way that I do.

quote:
And in case you overlooked it, I also took men to task for making up excuses for their reported interracial experiences, as well.


I didn't even touch the interracial aspect in my post. The ones that tear down Black women to justify seeking out Becky are doing us all a favor by taking themselves out of circulation. I'm speaking to what's left.

quote:
Finally... as for this statement:
quote:
Qty, girl didn't you know you're supposed to drink the bathwater of any internet yahoo who pays you a compliment on your physical attributes?? Get with it girl!


You uncharacteristically miss my point. The point wasn't that QTY should be delving all into conversation with posters here who compliment her. The point is that if she has devoted 50,000% more of her posts here toward guys who say the types of things she decries about black men, than toward those she doesn't have similar problems with, then it serves as evidence of the direction in which her energies off line lie.


What makes you think that?? I talk about plenty of things online that I don't with my friends or acquaintances. I also encounter viewpoints online that I do not see in real life, so clearly my online energies would not match my offline energies. It's very rare that in real life I would be in a room with a shitload of men talking about the Black woman's dating experience. It's rare that men in real life would be as brazen about some of their opinions about women in real life. There's no directly proportional relationship. Confused

quote:
Just like all of the ignorant, loud, dramatic black women seem to be disproportionately in the world of the men who derive some sort of comfort in believing that these are the majority of black women.


Here again you draw a direct paralell between your world as a man and my world as a woman.

quote:
For a guy like me, who tends to look inward for his solutions, the loud, ignorant black women never, ever have come into my dating focus. Even during times when you'd think I would be prone to settle, I never focused on them. And believe me, they abound! It would have been EASY for me to do like what you do, and focus on them as the reason for being alone.


This is not about training one's focus on only "the worst." This is men refusing to believe that women describing dating, PERIOD, is accurate. If you meet 10 guys and 9 of them are full of shit and 1 is gay, and you say so, does that mean you are "only seeing the worst" (which is what you all love to say) or describing your dating experience with accuracy (which is what some women are doing)? See what I'm saying?

quote:
But just think of the decent women I would have completely ignored, like some men do... You women are doing the same things.


Here again is that parallel where it does not exist. You don't know what we are doing because you don't know what we experience (or you choose not to believe what we say our experience is).

quote:
The comment about QTY's lines of text supports THAT idea, NOT the idea that she should be thankful and give play to fools like IronHorse.


Come on, Vox. "You get 50 compliments by strangers on your looks (not even as a person, mind you, but on your looks in a picture on a random website by Lord knows who) and you don't respond. Therefore, you are bitterly looking past good men in your real dating life." Seriously?! Who is to say that men in her real life respond the same way as do these men online? As a matter of fact, I'm positive the sista has spoken numerous times about how her looks are frequently regarded by some of the Black men she meets. But I guess if you choose not believe that women have any clue about their own lives, then you wouldn't pick up on that either. And I'm sure I've seen that sista say Thank You before.
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:
quote:
Originally posted by ricardomath:
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:

When I went to Puerto Rico, I had a couple of American tourists try to ask me directions in Spanish... That was comical!


A friend of ours from my wife's city in Colombia always has foreign students coming up to him in bars here in Ames and trying to speak to him in Chinese and Japanese.

His mother visited the US last year, flying here on the same flight with us during our return flight from Colombia. Asians kept coming up to her in the airports speaking Chinese and Japanese, too. She didn't know what to think, since she speaks only spanish. It was pretty funny. Her son has been here in Ames for a year or so, so he speaks some english, in addition to spanish.



Ricardo, is she Asian (racially speaking)? Like Alberto Fujimori? Or does she just look it, because of native (a la Inca) extraction?


Their anscestors are from Japan. I believe that her grandparents (his great grandparents) were the last genetration in their family to speak Japonese.

What I find particularly amusing is that my wife and pretty much everybody else often refers to him as "el chino", dispite the fact that "japonés" is a perfectly good spanish word. It's just not much used. I've never quite understood that.
quote:
This is men refusing to believe that women describing dating, PERIOD, is accurate. If you meet 10 guys and 9 of them are full of shit and 1 is gay, and you say so, does that mean you are "only seeing the worst"


quote:
You don't know what we are doing because you don't know what we experience (or you choose not to believe what we say our experience is).



Frenchy I'm curious... about the guys that you do meet who you think are full of shit?
What's wrong with them? This is not a 'dig', I'm just wondering what are the off-putting qualities about them. Are they thugs? Bores? Not interesting enough...? And is it usually like that on average in the groups of men you meet?

Just asking. Certainly not asking you to settle 'for less' than you deserve. Smile
.
Hey, Frenchy, your post above my 6:10 post wasn't there when I began typing it, so I missed it.
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:

Please, break it down for us and tell us what it is exactly that we run into out there. Clearly, we are all bitter liars inventing fantastic stories so that we can remain single and childless.


Okay, I know that I expressly described what I think is going on as something other than that you're 'LYING.' If you're going to try and re-cast my conclusions in some way that is obviously inaccurate, then further participation in this discussion is pointless. Especially with someone who knows better. When it comes to your discussion style in dating topics, you've got quite an Nmagination...
quote:
Okay, I know that I expressly described what I think is going on as something other than that you're 'LYING.'


Okay, Vox, then explain to me what you call it when someone says "A" and you say "No, that's not true. That cannot possibly be the real case." Are you not making a statement about the truth of the original remark?
quote:
Originally posted by art_gurl:
Frenchy I'm curious... about the guys that you do meet who you think are full of shit?
What's wrong with them? This is not a 'dig', I'm just wondering what are the off-putting qualities about them. Are they thugs? Bores? Not interesting enough...?


I hesitate to answer that because then the discussion is going to turn onto my personal dating criteria. I think in general women want someone who freely gives respect, love, attention, intellectual stimulation, maturity, vision.

quote:
And is it usually like that on average in the groups of men you meet?


It's just an illustration. Wink My point is that that could very well be my experience and saying so is not a mark on my character or disposition.
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
quote:
Okay, I know that I expressly described what I think is going on as something other than that you're 'LYING.'


Okay, Vox, then explain to me what you call it when someone says "A" and you say "No, that's not true. That cannot possibly be the real case." Are you not making a statement about the truth of the original remark?


As Stephen Covey said, "The way we see the problem is the problem," and we often see things through a distorted perception. This was the clear, unadulterated, elementary point of my first post on this subject, but you act like u didn't understand that. Instead, I'm saying that you were LYING. Never mind what I already actually said.

So what u're saying is, if I ever said you comport yourself in a logical, rational, and intellectually honest manner on these threads, then now that it turns out I was wrong, I must have been LYING, right? There's no other explanation, especially not the one I expressly offered in my first post on this thread. I was LYING when I thought you could engage in rational discussion. Fine, then I was LYING.
Are you getting petulant?! I don't know what you think my tone is, but I was genuinely giving you an opportunity to explain and respond. Snippy remarks aside, the analogy does not fit. Your scenario is changing your own mind. The one that actually took place is you commenting on the truth of this sista's dating experience.

quote:
QTY, if you look anything like you do in the various avatars you've put up, there is no way that you can't find black men who find you attractive enough to want to get with.


Those are your own words.

quote:
As Stephen Covey said, "The way we see the problem is the problem," and we often see things through a distorted perception. This was the clear, unadulterated, elementary point of my first post on this subject, but you act like u didn't understand that. Instead, I'm saying that you were LYING. Never mind what I already actually said.


Take Covey's advice. You are trying to look at women's dating problems in the same way that you view your own and make assumptions accordingly. Which is flawed. I've already addressed how and why.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Black Viking...

Black men have options........and they are exercising those options. (Im just one of many women they can chose from)

As i've mentioned before (some people want to ignore this fact)........this is a problem in the black community. If a woman is too dark.....she goes unnoticed, i dont care how beautiful she is. Her light skinned friends, are the ones that get picked first!! They only want me, after these women turn them down....!!

This has always been a problem for me. Its happened since high school, and im therefore cautious of black men.

(Yeah, as Thayfen mentioned, the truth can be ugly)

I dont complain about the situation, i just move on in life.


That's a truth that some people don't really know.... and I can understand your apprehension. I know you pretty well... u're prettier than a lot of your friends.
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
Has anyone asked why I/R couples generate so much discourse? Its not a large activity percentage wise and why concern yourself if that brother/sister is with someone of a different race? After all even if they did stay "within thier own", theres nothing saying that they would be with you. I would rather focus my energies on finding that special sista to compliment me but if my fate is to be with someone of another race so be it.

*If its not taking place under your roof, its out of your hands*

Now off to class I go..........


very true.
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
That is NOT going to get you out of The Doghouse, Buddy. spank hit Cool

Pull up a chair right next to ddouble who lives there permanently. bsm


For somebody in your doghouse, I sure get a lot of visits from you!. If keeping you honest puts me in the doghouse, please bring my bone, water bowl, chew toy, and food! And rub my tummy while you're at it! thanks
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
I hesitate to answer that because then the discussion is going to turn onto my personal dating criteria.

I honestly wasn't trying to 'go there', I was just curious about what the negatives were. Smile
I was wondering if they were generally 'undesirable' rather than matching any personal criteria. Wink

quote:
I think in general women want someone who freely gives respect, love, attention, intellectual stimulation, maturity, vision.

gurl I know we all want that... because... heck, what's the alternative? Roll Eyes
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quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
this is a problem in the black community. If a woman is too dark.....she goes unnoticed, i dont care how beautiful she is. Her light skinned friends, are the ones that get picked first!! They only want me, after these women turn them down....!!

This has always been a problem for me. Its happened since high school, and im therefore cautious of black men.

(Yeah, as Thayfen mentioned, the truth can be ugly)

I dont complain about the situation, i just move on in life.
Frown Qty. I'm from the South....---way worse down here than in the North---my experience-- in the North there was a "cultural revolution" that allowed Black people to mentally accept in one another things that many in the South took a while to accept--- I know.... I've experienced both..... I know exactly what you mean.....) People won't talk about it because those that don't experience this tend to be blind to the very real pain that this causes for others.... they tend to look at themselves and say "I'm black...It doesn't happen to me.... It must be the way you're looking at things" .....and the one's that are affected by it.... try to ignore it or explain it away..... Black people... No... Black Men........ historically their ideal example of beauty is not the "white" woman as many revolutionaries like to point towards.... It is the "Latina" look or "Mixed" look.... something near there or a variation there of....

But just know that since you are younger than me..... when I was your age.... sigh.... dear it was WAY worse than it is now.... I have a sister around your age that experienced it but not very much..... and her self-esteem (I'm very proud of her) doesn't suffer nearly as much as others in my age group..... I hesitated answering this post..... Qty. because this is an extremely painful subject.... one I just couldn't look past.....

I was going to put this in your PM... but I'll put it out here.... Why not? Most of my bi'ness out heah anywhoo..... sigh....

But, as a young girl.... I was a model... (White folks always love my look....whaeva....) Most people called me "Black Barbie" or some variation of this.... I was complemented a lot..... But those who were close to me could not figure out why I was sad or didn't think I was "pretty" enough.... I had very popular friends.... was in good social circles and had the attention of guys left and right..... This meant nothing to me..... Having a model agent expound upon your beauty.... or having your friends do so.... or even your momma say nice things... IS O.K. But when you are young and developing your identity--while going through puberty..... this means NADA..... It is when you go to school and the most popular boy says " Virtue (*ahem*)-- You are pretty... I would get with you if you weren't so DAMN BLACK"

Nice.....

You see how this type of thinking could cause just a lil' confusion..... ?



***ddouble--- this happened at Southwest too....***

Sigh... OH MY FAVORITE IS: "You're pretty to be Black".... or "You must be from Ethiopia".... it's like they're saying I like you but can only accept you if I know that your look is something exotic.....or being Black e.g. dark-skinned is a handicap that I have overcome.....

I went to school with many "bougeois" Black people.... in that circle.... and at that time.... the "light skinned" guy was "in".... El Debarge was the ideal looking mate and I suppose any mixed looking woman was "in".... you know... light skinned.... long hair.... fine features..... see.... I had a real complex.... because I have fine features.... at the time long hair..... but "very" dark skin.... so.... this is how it would go.... I was accepted among the "popular" females... in fact I would attract female friends that were absolutely beautiful..... I have always had friends that were drop dead gorgeous.... I could never figure out why.... Here's why.... I realized that I was pretty enough to hang out with meaning no female hanging around me would feel like she lowered her standards socially.... but dark enough so that I wouldn't be a threat.... (until I got to college and hung out in "revolutionary" circles---well that's a story for another day---)
I used to have an affinity for dark chocolate brothas-still do Big Grin But would only end up friends with them.... it was some unwritten rule.... the finest chocolatist (yep its a word now-just made it up).. brotha must get with ANYTHING lighter than himself..... getting with a sister like me meant TOO MUCH BLACK going on..... Sooooo I have ALWAYS grrrrrr.... attracted some El Debarge looking brotha... nothing wrong with it.... but dark men didn't give me the time of day when I was younger.... it was almost like they had to go through some cultural conditioning (i.e read "Malcolm X".... join some ultra Black group) before they would notice me..... of course when I went to college.... this problem was eliminated completely.... It was "Black queen" this or that... etc.. or Nubian princess.... or Queen of Sheba returned.... whaeva.... my self esteem soared... I became sought after because my skin is a smooth dark chocolate..... my skin color was an immediate attraction....

Another phenomenon.... you know Qty. back in the day..... no one would notice me around my friends either... sigh... PAINFUL experience... guys were notorious for this.... but if I was ALONE I was recognized as a GEM.... See the message to me was I do have beauty.... but it just doesn't hold muster around my friends... I'm not beautiful enough......

And the crazy thing is .... that I developed this complex of thinking....... my self esteem would have both extremes of thinking I was the bomb and thinking I was nothing..... and no one I knew could understand how I could ever think I was "unpretty"..... they just didn't get it..... "You get complimented all the time" they'd say.... or "How could you think so low of yourself when guys are calling you left and right?" How? Because men would approach me and give me the kind of attention I appreciated when I was ALONE.... and did not have to compete with 10 Jennifer Lopez's and Beyonce's around me..... It was just me.... and alone I stood out....

Then I started hanging out in more intellectual circles... I just decided to not let life get to me and just be me.... and decided what was important to me was being recognized for the beauty of my mind.... so I began to work on developing relationships with that being the focus.... being complimented on my spirit.... my thinking....and my reasoning ability first was immensely gratifying and ego boosting

God, I hope this all doesn't sound too arrogant... but I'm trying to share.... and dag gonnit it's late.... and apparently I'm developing this crazy habit of telling my life story in front of the whole world.....

WHAEVA....



Peace,
Virtue
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That's quite a moving story virtue.... which all goes to prove how stupid and shallow people can be. Frown

I feel for you and Qty - and like I've said before on this forum - the mind boggles!

However, I do feel I need to say that dark chocolate men experience that too. So if men are saying the same thing then... think about how can you work it out.

I'm not saying IR dating is for everyone, and I can understand all the reasons for black women not wanting to date anyone other than black men, but if a brother only gets attention from sistas when he turns up with a Latino or white woman on his arm, then one day he wakes up and thinks 'stuff that', I'll get me what I want when I want it.

There is no gang of white women or Latino women waiting to ambush black men. Black men (all men) ultimately choose to be with who they want to be with, which translates to... who they can be themselves with.

Likewise there are plenty of black men who will no way want to date non-black women.

I'm not sticking up for black men over black women, I simply have more insight into one side. However it seems the same issue is affecting both genders. Face it.... both sides have issues... not one more than the other.

I think there needs to be more communicating and less attitoooode on both sides. Embrace the issues and see where it goes...more talk, less aggravation.

Whoever you date should always be about free choice.
.
.
quote:
Originally posted by art_gurl:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:
To close out, Qty & Frenchy... you two are both sexy as hell, and very intelligent.
heart


He's just saying that Razz

you're just jealous he said it first, LOL !
He's no fool. Wink


LOL... Well of course, since then, it only applies to QTY... Big Grin
I hear you virtue (and I've always heard qty226 too) - color complex is quite the issue. Teenage socialization is always a landmine-filled terrain. In one way or another, we all have issues to sort out. For me, I was always considered "too brainy". For someone that doesn't know your issues, the defense response seems like an unjustified lash out.
Know that with time & personal effort, things get better. Not because others change, but because you become comfortable with who you are. When that happens, the guards come down and you just live.


Now I think I understand a little better why darker sisters may have bristled at my attention back in the day. Perhaps they did not believe me to be sincere. It usually took a lot more effort to maintain those relationships.

Damn - see what happens when we get real and talk to each other instead of at each other.

Thanks virtue for your honest & real moment... If I had been thinking about girls back then (my head was always in a book!), I never would of done that to you.
ALL THIS GOES BACK TO KNOWLEDGE OF SELF, IF WE REALIZE WE ARE AFRICAN PEOPLE AND APART OF THE GLOBAL AFRICAN COMMUNITY WE CAN SEE THAT WE COME IN ALL SHADES AND TEXTURES. SEEMS TO ME SOME BLACK PEOPLE ACT LIKE THEY ARE ALL PRO BLACK AND REVOLUTIONARY, BUT DEEP DOWN HARBOR RESENTMENT FOR BLACK PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY DARKSKINNED BLACK PEOPLE WITH STRONG FEATURES. IT GOES BACK TO "WILLY LYNCH". MANY LIGHTSKINNED BROTHERS AND SISTAS SUFFER TOO,BECAUSE OF THEIR LIGHTSKINNED FEATURES PEOPLE WOULD EITHER LOVE THEM OR HATE THEM AS IF THEY HAD THE ABILITY TO DARKEN THEMSELVES. REMINDS ME OF MY ROOMMATE WHO IS PUERTO RICAN.SISTAS WOULD THROW THEMSELVES AT THE BROTHER SIMPLY BECAUSE HE WAS LIGHTSKINNED AND WHEN HE WOULD CALL THEM ON IT THEY WOULD LOOK ALL BAFFLED LIKE, "WHY ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY LIKING YOU, YOUR LIGHTSKINNED STRAIGHT HAIR" YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY. bUT THIS BROTHER LOVES HIS BLACKNESS AND DEEP DOWN WISHES HE WAS DARKER. THEN ANOTHER ONE OF MY ROOMMATES. A HAITIAN BROTHER, ONLY TALKED TO lIGHTSKINNED WOMEN, I WOULD SEE BEAUTIFUL DARKSKINNED SISTAS FEELING HIM, BUT HE WOULD JUST TOY WITH THEM, BUT IS A REDBONE CAME AROUND HE WAS ALL OVER HER. I USE TO TALK SHYT TO HIM, SAYING HE GOT A COLOR COMPLEX,SEE I KNOW ALOT OF HAITIANS AND TRUTH BE TOLD THATS HOW MUST BLACK SOCIETIES IN THE CARRIBEAN COME DOWN,IF YOU LIGHT YOUR CLOSER TO POWER BECAUSE OF THE SLAVE MASTER TIES AND THE DARKER YOU ARE THE FURTHER IN THE FIELDS YOU WOULD BE. MY POINT IS LOVE YOURSELF, KNOW YOURSELF AND KNOW BLACK PEOPLE COME IN ALL SHADES, AND IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH YOUR SKIN OR YOUR HAIR, LOOK DEEP INSIDE AND MAKE SURE ITS NOT SELF HATE. BUT TO ME AS A BLACK MAN, BLACK WOMEN HAVE A SERIOUS COLOR PROBLEM AND LETS NOT TALK ABOUT THE HAIR, LOL
Virtue,

yeah

My story. I'm a 'cinnamon-milk/chocolatte', and know of what you speak. Ran into that, 'your so pretty, but dark' commentary. My fam hails from Louisiana, and are a mix of almost white to a Wesley Snipes deep chocolate skin tone. The 'redbones' ruled, especially the redbone women. I would, as a child/young girl, talk 'truth' to this'power' and be reprimanded that I was 'hating'. Of course I was'nt, just acknowledging yet another 'ism' in America, and in the African/African American community. The poignancy of your story was incredibly sobering. My elementary class is having a class reunion this year, and those years were tough, as all of the pretty girls were the lighter skin; back then I was a bit defenseless; as a woman, I look forward to this event.
Thanks to all, for the compliments.. Smile


Virtue...

Thanks so much for your post.....

I dont have the type of personality, that allows me to sit back, keep quiet.......when something, or someone is attacking/hurting me. (yes im very outspoken lol)

Reading this, made me think back about my experiences. I've never judged or looked at a black man, just because of his skin color. I've always loved all skin tones.....and i couldnt understand why i wasnt viewed as beautiful to black men....but beautiful to other races.

You mentioned some things that black men actually say to me today:

"Youre beautiful for a dark skinned woman" Mad

"Your hair is beautiful, why is it so straight?" (How the fuck am i supposed to know?)

"Your features are fine, what are you?" "Whats your heritage?" (You cant tell my azz is black?)

This is not only rude.....but it causes me to attack, because my complexion, is always the center of conversation. Im just tired of the behavior of 'some' black people/men.

Now im thinking........after all i've been through, black men want me to approach them? Yeah ok!!!!!



Virtue.....Thanks again.........i've always said, it'll be interesting to see black people (those that hate their own) in 10 years. kiss
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
Thanks to all, for the compliments.. Smile


Virtue...

Thanks so much for your post.....

You're welcome....

quote:

"Your features are fine, what are you?" "Whats your heritage?" (You cant tell my azz is black?)
Okay... gotta love this..... Yep! I get "Are you Ethiopian (Eritrean) all the time..... In DC I would have Ethiopian men speaking to me in Amharic.... but I just gotta laugh.... hard.... at....
quote:
You cant tell my azz is black?


laugh laugh laugh laugh

Peace,
Virtue

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