.
"Latoyia Figueroa has been a single mother since her teens, and with this second child on the way... she has been promiscuous."

"It is very possible that her own promiscuity may have contributed to her present situation."



**********************


Have you ever noticed that these two word, "promiscuity" and "promiscuous" are almost exclusively applied to women?

How come?

Do you ever remember hearing a man called "promiscuous"?

The words, an adjective and a noun, are NOT gender specific. How come they always refer to women?

I mean, an unmarried man can screw his way across the continent but these two words will never apply to him. He'll be called a "stud" or a "ladies man" and his friends and family will wink at each other and kid him about it. He may even strut around and brag to his buddies about all his "conquests" and make cruel jokes about the women he has slept with.

Oh, but for an unmarried women, the story is altogether different. If an unmarried women has even a single sexual relationship, just one and it becomes known, she's runs the risk of being called "promiscuous" or "easy" or something even worse. She is morally condemned and her condition is a "moral consequence" of her behavior.

So, I'm just wondering, what kind of double standard is this? Really, what the hell kind of double standard is this?

And as the writer of the quotations shows, people use pregnancy as evidence of a women's promiscuity. But isn't it funny that if a man could get pregnant every time he had a sexual encounter, half the men in this country would have twenty kids, at least. I wonder if men would be called "promiscuous" then.

And for women, it's the same old history, the same old double standard, the same old moral condemnation , the same old culture of exclusion. She's promiscuous and her own promiscuity has "contributed to her present situation."

I'll give the writer of the quotations a pass; he's just being thoughtless and inconsiderate. And in most cases, when these words are applied to women, it is just someone being thoughtless or inconsiderate.

But sometimes it's deliberate with the intention to hurt, and the effect can damage a women's self-esteem, her self-worth, her value as a person. They're scornful, demeaning, hurtful words.

So, if you thoughtlessly use these words to describe women, there is penance to be done. You must listen to Chaka Khan singing the words of "Beautiful" five times.

And if you intentionally use these words to diminish the value of women, try to remember all of the women who have made your life worthwhile; a mother, sister, grandmother; an aunt, cousin, or friend; a lover, wife, a daughter.
.
.
Original Post
quote:
Latoyia Figueroa has been a single mother since her teens, and with this second child on the way... she has been promiscuous."

"It is very possible that her own promiscuity may have contributed to her present situation."



Where did you pull these qoutes from?
Promiscuous:

ADJECTIVE:

" 1. Having casual sexual relations frequently with different partners; indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners.
2. Lacking standards of selection; indiscriminate.
3. Casual; random.
4. Consisting of diverse, unrelated parts or individuals; confused: "Throngs promiscuous strew the level green" (Alexander Pope).
Promiscuous"

___________________________________________

So considering that the majority of 'single mothers' are not
1. Having casual sexual relations frequently with different partners; indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners.
2. Lacking standards of selection; indiscriminate.
3. Casual; random.,

then, unless we know that to be a fact for a particular 'single mother,' evidently the sexist blanket label does not cover all single mothers, and maybe not even the mother mentioned in the article.
But what makes it so bad is that just like racism, it is the people that stand to suffer the most from the it (labeling) that often do the most of it; as in it is often women (usually priamrily) women that spread such labels onto other women and mold their son's minds to view women in that light, even though, the term,and the perception was surely started my men (most likely of the 'cloth') as a psychological tool to control the female populations.

The truth is, that most single mothers have known and been in a relationship with their child's father for some time before becoming pregnant (although I know that is not always the case), and there are just as many "promiscuious" women in this world that do not have children or were married before they ever gave birth to a child as there are those who happen to be single mothers. Ignorance like this contributes to the rate of teenage pregnancies more than any other thing, in that, the teenager knows that she is not promiscuious, therefore, believes that surely she will not get pregnant like those 'you know what kind' of girls/women.
Promiscuity has very little to do with getting pregant. A virgin can become preganant the first time she has sex and a street walking $10.00 whore can never become pregnant; one girl will get pregnant, while another girl will get lucky, one girl's hormones may not be balanced out yet, while another girl's may; one guy may be shooting blanks, while another guy may not; and numerous other variables. It does not merely boil down to something as neatly packaged as promiscuity. Bestowing that label onto women only and onte single mothers in particular is sheer ignorance and sexism.
This so-called writer has confused ethics and is acting as judge rather than journalist.

Sex is an irresistibly interesting topic for most of us, and stories about other people's sexual adventures, and misadventures, are interesting.

BUT

People who are so judgemental about other people's sexual behaviour, would do well look inside themeslves for an explanation of why they are so keen to 'put the boot in'.

By offering a judgement about some else's life decisions damages the reputation of the victim.

'Opinions' (slander) such as this hardly comes from a state of moral mindfulness.
td6
quote:
Originally posted by Faheem:
quote:
Latoyia Figueroa has been a single mother since her teens, and with this second child on the way... she has been promiscuous."

"It is very possible that her own promiscuity may have contributed to her present situation."




Where did you pull these qoutes from?


Those were from AA.org's one and only Michael Lofton...he's in that group of Negroes on your avatar.
quote:
Originally posted by sunnubian:

Promiscuous



I'm sorry, but you seem to have missed the idea of the post altogether. It was not about pregnant mothers or single mothers, although pregnancy was used as supportive material. Forgive the double meaning.

It was about a double standard that exists in our society and is used almost exclusively to demean women. I used the words "promiscuity" and "promiscuous" but there are many other examples and many other words I could have used to illistrate this double standard.

I don't know what gender you are but I'll guess from your name that you're a women. Regardless of that, a women is never a "whore", not in the dirty, filthy, demeaning way this word has come to be used in our culture.... no matter what the circumstances.

Have you ever heard a man called a "whore"? Of course not! It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Even though a man may behave in the same careless manner, it is another term applied exclusively, and meant to demean women. That it sounds so rediculous is a measure of the extent to which this double standard has become ingrained worldwide. And applying it to women while giving men a pass is EXACTLY what I meant. If you don't see that, you're blind and need some serious reprogramming.

Woman or not, I resent your use of the word!
.
.
Popcorn - I knew you were a woman!!!

I agree with you 100%.

For every "single woman" there is a man who is, IN MANY CASES, disconnected from his children.

First let me say that there is no way to get around the fact that the woman is the mother of all children (until technology screws this all up) and as a result she is going to have the child grow inside her regardless of what the man does.

With tht being the case the woman needs to realize the facts of nature and be careful about what she engages in with the sperm donor with slick tongue.

At the same time it is the Black Male who must be taught the concept of respect and protection of the Black woman or we collapse as a people.

You wouldn't believe the number of times that I talk about the critical need of men to not disrespect Black women by calling them out of their name or when I point to the IGNORANT lyrics of some SAMBO entertainer that young Black males will fire back that THESE PEOPLE ARE ONLY TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT THE WOMEN THAT THEY RUN INTO (ie: Mike Jones' song).

Sadly these same people are the main ones chasing after "White Racism" for the BENEFIT of Black people YET THEY CAN'T EVEN FIND IN THEMSELVES A WAY TO SHOW RESPECT FOR A BLACK WOMAN WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT FOR HERSELF. When they have a chance to show "love" for Black people beyond their rhetoric they fail misrably.

Malcolm X in his Autobiography talked about how after he gained power women would thrown themselves at him as women are attracted to men of power. In his disciplined state he felt pitty for them in their unconscious state and suggested that they attend the local mosque to learn about themselves.

Today we have too many men seeking tactile pleasure on tip of their penis rather than living in accord to some greater cultural framework. (Kevin - how is your communalism simply an issue of money rather than other issues that represent the 'common interest'?)
I disagree with the ˜whore' statement.

IMHO, if you are disgustingly promiscuous (and I guess that's the only kind of promiscuity there is) and/or a prostitute, you are a whore. I have heard the term applied to males as well as females. I do not support usage of the term in unecessary situations, and I do realize there has been an overusage of it in music and the black community.

Yes, there is a double standard. I don't see why this is a surprise to anyone. When it boils down to it though, that's not the point. The answer is not to make the name calling equal between the sexes. NO ONE should get a pass for being promiscuous, and females should not be ˜let off the hook' or given an easier time about it. If a male, or in the more common case, a female, does not appreciate the name calling, maybe they should think twice about their behavior. No one is forcing these people (maybe with the exception of the violent pimp) to sleep with so many partners. Making choices means dealing with the consequences.

As far as there being a double standard, I don't find myself shocked or even too angry about it. How often do you hear a man being called a ˜dog', or the statement that all men think with the head down below instead of the one up top? It has become the social norm to assume that all men put sex first on their agendas. And women believe it. Whether is it completely true has yet to be determined, but it seems ridiculous to me to so blatantly admit men are sex fiends, then act surprised when they sleep around so frequently and no one says anything about it. If everyone is admitting they EXPECT promiscuity from men, what's with the shock and awe when it happens?

On the other hand, it is still imprinted in the back of many people's minds that women are the complete opposite. They are not SUPPOSED to act so inappropriately. They are SUPPOSED to be lady-like and polite. They are SUPPOSED to maintain wife and motherly duties. They are SUPPOSED to sit with their legs crossed. So when they sleep with a million men and yes, act whorish, people are bound to be disgusted. THAT'S WHY women are called names more frequently then men. IT'S NOT EXPECTED. It's a hard fact to accept because this is 2005, and you would think these preconceptions would be extinguished by now. People might not like to admit it, but I think just about all of us have our ideas about how we expect men and women to act.

We can't complain about the double standard until we learn to rid ourselves of false notions about the sexes. I believe men and women were assigned roles by God. This is what is SUPPOSED to be, but we have to realize that not everything happens like it's supposed to. By believing all men will be dogs, all women will be lady-like, etc., the double standard will remain rooted in place.

Just my humble two cents.
quote:
Originally posted by Constructive Feedback:
Popcorn - I knew you were a woman!!!

I agree with you 100%.

For every "single woman" there is a man who is, IN MANY CASES, disconnected from his children.

First let me say that there is no way to get around the fact that the woman is the mother of all children (until technology screws this all up) and as a result she is going to have the child grow inside her regardless of what the man does.

With tht being the case the woman needs to realize the facts of nature and be careful about what she engages in with the sperm donor with slick tongue.

At the same time it is the Black Male who must be taught the concept of respect and protection of the Black woman or we collapse as a people.

You wouldn't believe the number of times that I talk about the critical need of men to not disrespect Black women by calling them out of their name or when I point to the IGNORANT lyrics of some SAMBO entertainer that young Black males will fire back that THESE PEOPLE ARE ONLY TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT THE WOMEN THAT THEY RUN INTO (ie: Mike Jones' song).

Sadly these same people are the main ones chasing after "White Racism" for the BENEFIT of Black people YET THEY CAN'T EVEN FIND IN THEMSELVES A WAY TO SHOW RESPECT FOR A BLACK WOMAN WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT FOR HERSELF. When they have a chance to show "love" for Black people beyond their rhetoric they fail misrably.

Malcolm X in his Autobiography talked about how after he gained power women would thrown themselves at him as women are attracted to men of power. In his disciplined state he felt pitty for them in their unconscious state and suggested that they attend the local mosque to learn about themselves.

Today we have too many men seeking tactile pleasure on tip of their penis rather than living in accord to some greater cultural framework. (Kevin - how is your communalism simply an issue of money rather than other issues that represent the 'common interest'?)


I'm done CF....you cannot explain the logic of your position without game-playing and you use games to twist around the schit you are called out on as deficient the way you explain them....we are at the end of the road...since you could not be straight-up in your responses to the simple azz questions I asked....i will continue to fight the blkCon tooth and nail...on behalf of those who delivered us from jim crow and overt racism....because the blkCon is willing to roll back the clock on past gains and let all those marches, beatings and lynchings be in vain...and those kind of people I find to be a waste of time online....and someone to verbally abuse when they insult the intelligence of black people in person......which has only happened to me twice that I can remember...word gets around to them as so far as where they can espouse that shit....so I have a class start soon...which is much more productive than trying to convince a self-hating black man of anything beneficial to blacks people en masse.........
quote:
(Kevin - how is your communalism simply an issue of money rather than other issues that represent the 'common interest'?)


*Read a political science book about wealth and life's chances and you'llunderstand why the shit blkCons attribute to being black is purely socioeconomic...so if black people are doing well the pathologies that come along with poverty sometimes will not be there....why do you think middle and upper class blacks take care of and preserve their communities more than the lower economic class of blacks, whites and any others...if anything was attributed to race soley...then all comunities for blacks would suffer the same plight.....the things you are talking about are a subset or default value of educational and as a result, economic viability.....
quote:
Originally posted by SistahSouljah:

I disagree with the ˜whore' statement.



If the sum total of all the misery, all the sorrow, all the pain, and despair in this world could somehow be measured at any time, at any moment, at this moment... why would anyone knowingly choose to add a single ounce, a single drop, a single tear to the total?
.
.
quote:
Originally posted by Popcorn:
quote:
Originally posted by SistahSouljah:

I disagree with the ˜whore' statement.



If the sum total of all the misery, all the sorrow, all the pain, and despair in this world could somehow be measured at any time, at any moment, at this moment... why would anyone knowingly choose to add a single ounce, a single drop, a single tear to the total?
.
.


I understand, but for me, when used correctly, it's simply a matter of English.

My 1951 edition of Webster's dictionary defines the word ˜whore' as:

1.a WOMAN who engages in illegal sexual intercourse, especially one who engages in promiscuous sexual activity for pay, a prostitute, harlot

2.to be a whore

3.to fornicate with whores

And that's way back in 1951!!! I don't use it specifically to refer to promiscuous women; like I said before, IMO it's anyone. And again, bad behavior begets bad consequences.
Well here's the definition via http://www.dictionary.com

pro·mis·cu·ous ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pr-msky-s)
adj.
1. Having casual sexual relations frequently with different partners; indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners.

2. Lacking standards of selection; indiscriminate. Casual; random.


I have highlighted where I believe the source of subjectivity or discontent or interpretation or MISinterpretation lies... Who can argue successfully that men who frequently have "pre -marital" sexual partners could describe those 'activities' as anything less than casual. As opposed to always being about love, commitment and fidelity?

And should promiscuity be 'judged'? Which is supposedly worse? The casualness of those encounters vs the quantity? Is there a scientific formula? Is frequency of partners any 'worse' morally than just ONE 'casual' encounter? And just exactly what are those indiscriminant "standards of selection"? On and on it goes.... most sexual issues work in the man's favour.

I'm CERTAINLY NOT anti-men Eek but you've got to admit there are more moral escape routes if you are male. Not fair.
It would be remiss to not mention the message coming from the popular culture today.

On the one hand you have the image of the Playa Playa. His objective is to use his material possessions, many of them which "spin" and glitter" to BED as many women as possible. Though all of this is done in the context of and HIV epidemic this is rarely mentioned. They also never mention the possible resulting impregnation that could result from this interlude.

The corresponding message is that the women who are inclined to be attracted by the jewels and spinner rims have no dignity about themselves. They judge the man by his loot and if he can pay to get their hair done.

Please note the lyrics of "Mike Jones" as he tells the tale:

quote:
MIKE JONES LYRICS

"Back Then"

[Chorus 2X: samples from "Still Tippin'"]
"Back then hoes didn't want me, now I'm hot hoes all on me"
"Back then hoes didn't want me, now I'm hot hoes all on me - I SAID"
"Back then hoes didn't want me, now I'm hot hoes all on me"
"Back then hoes didn't want me, now I'm hot hoes all on me - I SAID"

[Mike Jones]
Mike Jones!!
Befo' I came up in the game these hoes didn't show no love
They see me in the club and used to treat me like a scrub
They wouldn't holla cause my dollars wasn't swoll enough
I bet they change they mind when them 80 4's come rollin up
They see that I'm a star, now they wanna sit in my car
Now they wanna count my cheese, smoke my weed and sip my bar now
They used to love to me diss me, now they rush to hug and kiss me now
They tellin all they friends when I leave how they miss me now
2 8 1, 3 3 0, eight zero zero 4
Hit Mike Jones up on the low cause Mike Jones about to blow
Befo' the ice was in my grill, befo' I got my major deal
These hoes wouldn't give a damn if I was here, shea
Befo' the ice was in my grill, befo' I got my major deal
These hoes wouldn't give a damn if I was here, shea
Befo' the ice was in my grill, befo' I got my major deal
These hoes wouldn't give a damn if I was here, shea - because

[Chorus]

[Mike Jones]
I remember back den, most of them hoes couldn't stand me
But now them same hoes beggin me to pull down they panties bump
A couple of 'em said I was cute but I was just too chubby
Same size a year later the same hoes wanna fuck me bump
Because they see me paid, pimpin pens, workin my jelly
And I ain't trippin cause my pockets stick out mo' than my belly
They know I'm paid, livin laid in the shade
2 slabs in the Escalade with fo' or five estates
Then know that I got it made, I'm a motherfuckin baller
She would want a nigga now but I ain't got no time to call her
I'ma stall her like she stalled me, now she tryin to call me bump
Bitch I'ma dog yo' whole ass like you dogged me
I'm Mike Jones, don't act like you don't know the name
Ain't nuttin changed but my change, I'ma stay the same
I'm Mike Jones, don't act like you don't know the name
Ain't nuttin changed but my change, I'ma stay the same

[Chorus]

[Mike Jones]
Befo' my paper came, befo' I got my fame
These hoes that's poppin on me now didn't even know my name
They said my flow was lame, they said I had no game
I told 'em all I was fin' to blow they thought I was insane
But then my name started blowin up quick, now they jumpin on my dick
Cause they see me on the rise and oh now my paper thick
But then my name started blowin up quick, now they jumpin on my dick
Because they see me on the rise and oh now my paper thick

[Chorus - 2X]


WE NEED TO TAKE BACK OUR CULTURE FROM THE SAMBOS WHO HAVE HIJACKED IT FOR THEIR OWN PROFIT BUT IT FOR MONEY OR THEIR OWN SEXUAL GRATIFICATION
quote:
Originally posted by Popcorn:
quote:
Originally posted by sunnubian:

Promiscuous



I'm sorry, but you seem to have missed the idea of the post altogether. It was not about pregnant mothers or single mothers, although pregnancy was used as supportive material. Forgive the double meaning.

It was about a double standard that exists in our society and is used almost exclusively to demean women. I used the words "promiscuity" and "promiscuous" but there are many other examples and many other words I could have used to illistrate this double standard.

I don't know what gender you are but I'll guess from your name that you're a women. Regardless of that, a women is never a "whore", not in the dirty, filthy, demeaning way this word has come to be used in our culture.... no matter what the circumstances.

Have you ever heard a man called a "whore"? Of course not! It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Even though a man may behave in the same careless manner, it is another term applied exclusively, and meant to demean women. That it sounds so rediculous is a measure of the extent to which this double standard has become ingrained worldwide. And applying it to women while giving men a pass is EXACTLY what I meant. If you don't see that, you're blind and need some serious reprogramming.

Woman or not, I resent your use of the word!
.
.

_______________________________________________

I based my response on the bolded:
""Latoyia Figueroa has been a single mother since her teens, and with this second child on the way... she has been promiscuous."

"It is very possible that her own promiscuity may have contributed to her present situation."
----------------------
The above statement implies that 'her present situation' is due to her being 'promiscuous.'
What else should I have gotten from the statement, excerpt, etc.,? You went on to address the sexist double standard in the post; I merely pointed out the sexist mythology that such double standards are based on and why.

In other words we live in a world/time where women are really judged by the 'existence' of "evidence" of imoral sexual behavior(pregnancy/child/children without marriage), evidence that is faulty at best in coming to a conclusion on a woman's character, sexual history/background, or promiscuity.
quote:
Originally posted by sunnubian:
In other words we live in a world/time where women are really judged by the 'existence' of "evidence" of imoral sexual behavior(pregnancy/child/children without marriage), evidence that is faulty at best in coming to a conclusion on a woman's character, sexual history/background, or promiscuity.

.
.

sunnubian,

You are absolutely right about this.

My post was about the double standard. Perhaps I didn't present it very well or take the time to understand your reply. Hearing things and seeing things like what CF posted makes me so mad. If I offended you, I'm sorry.
.
.
quote:
Originally posted by Constructive Feedback:
It would be remiss to not mention the message coming from the popular culture today.



CF,

Thank you for posting these lyrics and for your support on this subject.

I should have never opened this door. It will take me awhile to get over the lyrics. I'm just appalled. I think I'll go for a walk.
.
.
quote:
WE NEED TO TAKE BACK OUR CULTURE FROM THE SAMBOS WHO HAVE HIJACKED IT FOR THEIR OWN PROFIT BUT IT FOR MONEY OR THEIR OWN SEXUAL GRATIFICATION
Speak for yourself... Ain't nobody took "my" culture but, historically speaking, Mr. YT of whom you generally don't have shit in terms of the level of disdain you have for Mike Jones, 50 Cents and the lot...

You sound like these OFF-CENTERED mf's:
http://africanamerica.org/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/79160213/m/4351037813

Mike Jones and 50 might DEFINE "your" culture for you but they don't for me, no matter how much I may agree with your sentiment in terms of not agreeing with their lifestyles, the images they project, etc.

Add Reply

Likes (0)
Post
×
×
×
×