The 'holla-day's'.....I don't celebrate'm in any 'traditional' sense, as they violently conflict with MY worldview, however I do appreciate that our people make a special effort in the 're-evaluation of judgement' towards others any time of the year, in the interest of peace and growth.


This time of year, every year, most people endeavor themselves to 'summon up' a certain ammount of forgiveness for Family members, friends, neighbors and even enemies however.....because we're told to do so or, it maybe in 'our best' interests, for what-ever reasons, even if we don't really mean it.

MY question is, is it at any time healthy to excercise a kinda 'pre-ordained' forgiveness, or even wise to make such an attempt, when we'll never mean it until we mean it anyhow?

Any feedback?

ROARIN.........

No Nation is any Greater than it's Leaders

 

“Africa must build relationships with the rest of the world independently. It should never receive friends or foes from Europe and America"....President Robert Mugabe

Original Post
For me, forgiveness is more for my benefit than it is for the person I am forgiving. So I guess if you are not truly ready to let go of the pain, anger, and resentment that you are carrying around when you hold a grudge, don't give a phony "you're forgiven" speech. Say it when you really mean it. Decide if you want to hang on to it, or let it go. There have been times when I have forgiven someone in my heart without a big, dramatic, "I forgive you" type of dialogue with them. So yes I think it's healthy but at the same time, it's not something that can be said or done unless it's coming from a sincere place.
quote:
Originally posted by I_am_Mahogany:
For me, forgiveness is more for my benefit than it is for the person I am forgiving. So I guess if you are not truly ready to let go of the pain, anger, and resentment that you are carrying around when you hold a grudge, don't give a phony "you're forgiven" speech. Say it when you really mean it. Decide if you want to hang on to it, or let it go. There have been times when I have forgiven someone in my heart without a big, dramatic, "I forgive you" type of dialogue with them. So yes I think it's healthy but at the same time, it's not something that can be said or done unless it's coming from a sincere place.




Exactly MY point Sis.......


Let's say a 'not to close' but readily acknowledged 'aquaintance' has passed away.

A couple years ago, this 'aquaintance' made a not so civilized remark towards YOU and YOU are really still quite angry about it.

Should YOU feel guilty that this aquaintance has now passed away and proceed as 'protocol' would require, and show-up at the homegoing with a big buncha flowers and a sympathy card? or would it be wiser to 'honor' YOUR own heart.....and stay away?

See. The reason that I'M doing so much 'tap-dancing' up in here, is because I belive that WE can do OURSELVES a helluva lot more harm than good (in any situation,) when not being true to OURSELVES.

Moreover, to allow OURSELVES (voluntarily,) to be influenced by any 'outside' forces, is ultimately only detremental to OURSELVES.

(All this is going somewhere.....but I need to see how far it gets....)


Thanx


ROARIN.......
At the end of the day, you have to be true to yourself. If you were to show up at the funeral because that's what people expect, it's not coming from the right place so it's irrelevent anyway. However, at some point you are going to have to reconcile these ill feelings and let it go. But that has to be done in your own time and in your own way.
I hope that helps.
Hmm. Maybe I shouda reiterated (somewhere,) this subject as 'generic' in it's directive from the outset (better than I thought that I did,) as it's primary goal is to stimulate 'thought' in regard to what would ultimately be a positive catalyst in the individual growth/strength of OUR People....even in the face of predatory contention i.e; 'euro-traditions.'

(Sometimes MY feeble attempts at discriptiveness falls miserably through holes in the 'fabric.')

But I think WE'LL get there.......


Thanx again SIS.....


ROARIN.....
Roarin,

We are told that whatever we do, we need to do by Faith. If you genuinely believe that going to "visit" with flowers and such would not sit easy with your Self, then don't do it; especially if you know that you really don't want to.

If it is something that you feel will pass in time, then leave it at that. We are told to forgive, but we are not told to do something that will sit uneasy with our souls.

For instance, while I have forgiven people in my life, I have not forgotten what took place and don't seek to ever have it take place again. Sometimes forgiveness means letting the situation go until you can come back to it without letting any emotion hit your heart. That takes longer for some than others.

As long as you are honest about where you are and why you are there, and live by that, you are not condemned.

That tapdance you are doing is something that we all encounter and we dance like that because sometimes our hearts want to tell others where to go and let that be that.

For me personally, I told God, "Look, you already know that I can't stand so and so and you know it will be a long, long while before I can get to the point where I can even look at them without feeling sick to my stomach or a right hand coming up my side to smack the Black off of them.....but I will ReSpect that you would not want me to do or say anything to them that I would not do or say if I knew without a doubt that they were your kid. Please work on my heart so I understand and so I don't condemn myself..."

I think people think this God thing is this holier than thou construct and nothing could be further from the Truth. God knows that people tick us off; He just wants to know that while people will tick us off, we won't get just as stupid as they were. We can't get to a higher place if everybody is tearing each other down...

"Wisdom Is Always A Woman Who's Real!"
No MAHOGANY....MY 'bad.' I should've taken into account that OUR WOMEN see these issues in a completely different light, when I posted the thought and taken that into account.....first.

(Anyhow-----!) I'LL try and salvage the thought best I can......

O.K. Again, I only mean this as in the 'holla-day' spirit and how pre-ordained forgiveness'es (as dictated by whites,) have become mostly a 'command,' (through euro-commercialism,)rather than a virtue---and how that commercialism spills over into all walks of life.

MY contention is that this cannot be healthy, even on the surface, therefore, how could WE ever determine the 'underlying' damages done to OUR People specifically, especially since alla of this is from forced euro-traditions?

Wit ME?



ROARIN........
quote:
No MAHOGANY....MY 'bad.' I should've taken into account that OUR WOMEN see these issues in a completely different light, when I posted the thought and taken that into account.....first.

(Anyhow-----!) I'LL try and salvage the thought best I can......

O.K. Again, I only mean this as in the 'holla-day' spirit and how pre-ordained forgiveness'es (as dictated by whites,) have become mostly a 'command,' (through euro-commercialism,)rather than a virtue---and how that commercialism spills over into all walks of life.

MY contention is that this cannot be healthy, even on the surface, therefore, how could WE ever determine the 'underlying' damages done to OUR People specifically, especially since alla of this is from forced euro-traditions?

Wit ME?

I'm with you now...I think. I guess I never thought of the act of forgiving another person as a forced euro-tradition. To me that says that vindictiveness and intolerance is our natural makeup and I don't believe that to be true at all.
Forgiveness is something that has to come from the most sincere part of your being regardless of the time of year. I will admit, the whole "tis the season to be jolly" messages are a little annoying. It's as though society wants to force Christmas spirit on you during the month of December but it's ok for you to go back to being a basket case for the next 11 months.
YOU'VE completely got it SIS.....!!

It seems sad to ME that WE would jeopardize even OUR health for the sake of what's 'trendy' or popular as according to europeans.

This is why I believe that a return or, 'Sankofa' back to as many Ancient Afrikan traditions (at least for US,) is as important as any euro-medical 'reccomendations.'

If the idea is to first (medically) reduce 'stress,' then I believe a 'good look' at everything that could be the cause or, contribute to that stress is a wise place to start.

(Even if it means sacrifice.)

Btw, because everything that involves europeans towards US is of course, a forced 'euro-tradition,' it would be fascinating to now scientifically gage just how 'unhealthy' WE have become? (in THIS respect.)

Though I'M sure, WE all have an inkling---

thanx again SIS......


ROARIN.......

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