Most discussion is about gay black males, but rarely gay black females, so I'm posting it for discussion and/or comment. I came across this blog page when doing a search for quotes by Fanon.
Posted by nubian
dear straight black women,
let me be frank – i am not trying to sleep with you, ok?
nor am i trying to ruin your heterosexual ego and taint your heterosexual privilege. can we for once and for all, as we used to say in the early nineties, squash that beef?
my "sista's," it would seem, by virtue of our black skin and shared oppression(s), that we would automatically be friends–support groups for one another, if you will. at least, i always keep thinking about that in the back of my mind, and the idealisitic hopeful inside of me doesn't want to let that idea go–just yet. with the exception of say, a handful of black women who have sometimes walked the same paths as i – who i cherish deeply – i have gotten disturbing vibes from my "sistas," who, are afraid of black lesbians for the fear of being deemed a potential love interest (scary!) or, lesbian by association (scarier!).
some of you act like you have never known of a homosexual before, but lets be real–every black family has an uncle or aunt who has never married and has lived with the same "roomate" since you were in diapers. so don't act like you don't know. acknowledging that we do exist, will not imply that you have gaydar or have an interest in women. all it would mean, is that you see the humanity of all of your black sisters.
and then there are some of you that wear the mask of the "conscious black female" – the one who can recite quotes from fanon or du bois at the drop of a hat, but are quick to think that gays and lesbians are not "african enough" or not "black enough," and that the very idea of sgl romance is a threat to blackness as a whole. but why do you – as conscious as you are –feel the need to police other black people? there are far more pressing issues which threaten the demise of blacks throughout the diaspora, i have yet to understand how i am contributing to that. actually, i hope to never understand; if to be "conscious" means to narrowly define my blackness and reject my being.
and some of you honestly, really are probably interested in women, but are uncomfortable with expressing that interest. i understand and i send you good vibes in working through that situation–it's tough, but you'll survive. hell, black women always do, right?
...so they say.
and others have just plain bought into the myths that all of us lesbians are trying to get into your pants. we are all trying to corrupt your sister, your mother, your daughter, your sons–especially you. we are always after any woman, simply because she is female, as we homosexuals have absolutely no taste, types, or standards that we desire of potential mates. this may be true for some women, just as is true for people on all points of the sexuality spectrum–heterosexuals included. but, the sad thing is, as readily as you are to eat up those stereotypes about your queer black bretheren, the same thing you are saying that they are doing to us, we are doing to eachother.
a black woman once asked me, how do i know if i am gay if i've never had sex with a man? she further claimed, that i was too pretty to waste my looks on women, but that i shouldn't get any ideas about her thinking that i was pretty.
please..don't get me started on her...
but to clear up messy situations such as that encounter, here is a good mantra for you to follow. recite it out loudly, if you will:
if i offer to help you–i am not trying to sleep with you.
if i offer to listen to you–i am not trying to sleep with you.
if i smile and say hello in the morning"”i am not trying to sleep with you.
if i offer you respect because i want it in return–i am not trying to sleep with you.
if i do end up loving you, as friends tend to do–I AM NOT TRYING TO SLEEP WITH YOU.
great–see how easy that was!
now that that's out of the way, maybe we can begin the process of really trying to understand one another–see where eachother is coming from–because if we aren't helping one another out, who else is going to? i know it's scary to step outside of your comfort zone and reject the restrictions and definitions that society has cast upon black female relationships, but i really believe that only good can happen once we tackle that damn pink elephant in the closet (my variation). i, too, get nervous and scared when i have to step outside of the familiar. it's never done gracefully; it's not meant to be. i stumble, i make mistakes, i say fucked up things, but i learn.
i had a long talk with a friend yesterday who told me that people fear what they do not understand. they are afraid to speak the same language as someone else, because, that would force them to grow and question everything that they had come to believe up until that point. we are quick to talk about the "community" that naturally exists amongst the marginalized, the outcast, the Other, but inside of that community, we try so hard to avoid attacking the social ills that destroy our powerful relationships before they have even had a chance to blossom.
indeed, "fear of the queer" (catchy, huh?), is a problem, but one that can be solved. if you, my heterosexual (not that there's anything wrong with that) sista's extend the proverbial olive branch, i will readily latch on to it.