• How do you feel about them?

  • Are they productive or destructive?

  • Is it generally a mutual decision, or is it a suprise?

  • Do you learn from them or are they meaningless?

 

 

Peace,

 

AudioGuy

 

*************************************************

"I am African, not because I was born in Africa; but because Africa was born in me"

-Anonymous

 

"The cost of Liberty is less than the cost of repression."

-W.E.B. DuBois, John Brown 1909

 

"... can you imagine Doobie in yo' funk??!!"

-G. Clinton

 

"...Black men walkin' / with white girls on they arms / I be mad at 'em / as if I know they moms / told to go beyond the surface / a person's a person / when we, lessen our women / our condition seems to worsen..."

"Real People" - Common

 

"You are not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can not face reality. Wrong is wrong no matter who says it or does it!"

-Malcolm X

 

Sense is far from COMMON!

-Me

 

"... The tragic irony here is that a lot of African Americans may not fully recognize the implications of this decision for years to come. Stop by any barbershop, barbeque or church basement in Black America and you will hear – with distressing frequency – that old canard that "integration" ruined the Black community."

-William Jelani Cobb

*************************************************

 

<a href="http://www.podomatic.com/profile/mixtape-matrix?public=1"><img border="0" src="http://assets.podomatic.net/images/badges/followme_158x75_black.png?1333569181"/></a>

Original Post
Having no experience in this area and not knowing anyone who has (this is not to say that some of my acquaintances, friends, family, may have engaged in such behavior. I simply do not know); on its face, it seems to be at the very least, unwise. Maybe I am just a prude, but I never even tried to kiss a woman on the first date. All I would expect if it went well was a hug.
I don't necessarily think they are a bad idea, as long as both people are clear and comfortable with letting go emotionally and mentally after sex. IMO, very few people are capable of completely forgetting about someone they just slept with so they end up with either hurt/shameful feelings or regret not seeing where things could've gone if they'd put more effort into it. So while they satisfy the physical, they, more often than not, completely frig up the mental. I think women are the ones who are surprised to learn that what they've just had is a one night stand. IMO, men decide fairly early on whether they are going to pursue dating you or just want to use you for sex. The woman doesn't generally find this out until after sex when the script changes completely. I think you learn from them how meaningful sex is to you, what you are willing to put up with from someone, and what you are capable of putting someone else through in order to achieve an orgasm. sck
quote:
Originally posted by Sandye:
Casual sex can lead to casual HIV. One night stands are like playing Russian Roulette. Not one to gamble with my life.


Monogamus(sp?) relationships can lead to that too, if you dont know your partner is being unfaithful and you slip up and not wear a condem even once. (And lets face it, today most people in so called committed relationships don't use condems they may use birth control but not condems-at least the ones around my age range and younger- i'm sad to say).

well me personally as far as having a one night stand i have never had one-it depends on your defintion. When i think of a one night stand i think it is when you have sex with someone you don't know, say you just met them in the club or whatever and you go and have sex with them and never see them again. Now as far as having sex with people that you aren't in a relationship with and their is no emotional attachment or expectations involved from both parties-i have done that and some people would consider that a one night stand but i don't.
So to ansewer your questions AG-

I don't feel they are necessarily bad or good, but if you must please where a condem or two! Big Grin

I think they can be destructive if one of the parties has expectations that it will lead into a relationship or something else. Most people really can't handle one night stands emotionally no matter how "hard" they pretend to be and that includes men as the youngsters say usually somebody "catches feelings" for the other.

I wouldn't really say it is a mutual decision or a surprise. I think in most cases it just kind of happens, so i guess you could say a surprise.

I can't really say if you learn from them b/c i have never had one, but from those that i know that have they didn't learn anything.
quote:
Originally posted by little minx:
i get the feeling that one night stands can lead to baby momma status. sex without commitment of any kind can be hazardous.


Why do you say that? Just because you have one night stand(s) doesn't mean you have it/them unprotected. if you were unsafe then definetely baby mama drama will kick off. Yeah sex w/o commitment can be hazardous that's why i said that most people can not handle one night stands. As far as the men that i have had sex with w/o commitment (two)they weren't hazardous to me but i can only speak for myself. One of them ended up turning into a good friendship that has lasted about 2-3 years and counting.
quote:
When i think of a one night stand i think it is when you have sex with someone you don't know, say you just met them in the club or whatever and you go and have sex with them and never see them again.


This is also my interpretation of a "one night stand." Otherwise, you would presumably have interactions with them beyond/before just that one night that would make it some kind of relationship/friendship.

AudioGuy, you haven't given your opinion yet Razz
ms pretty girl,

sorry, i guess i assumed that if one will engage in sex so easily that it may mean that he/she would also be the type of person to throw all caution to the wind. condoms are great and all, but they break, and they don't protect you from skin to skin diseases, because you are still being exposed to certain parts of genitalia . . .know what i mean?
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
AudioGuy, you haven't given your opinion yet Razz
When I was younger, it was not really my intent to have a "relationship" with anyone - I was down for a one night stand whenever possible and if the evolved into something else then so be it.

As I have gotten older, I have realized that they are not, in my opinion, constructive or destructive - they are what they are. If someone expects more after sleeping with someone that they do not know, then maybe they should not have done it in the first place.

Generally, there is not a whole lot of conversation about "having a ONS", so it can be a bit of a surprise for some, but not for most.

I have definetely learned from my ONS experiences - that ONS's are something that some of my female friends have carried with them for a long time after the "experience". As far as men are concerned, I personally, did not carry them with me beyond "the morning after" (well... maybe once Wink ) .

I definetely hear what folks are saying about the dangers involved in doing so, the personal gratification of "notching one's bedpost" is not worth the risk. IMHO.
quote:
Originally posted by AudioGuy:
quote:
Originally posted by Glow:
That's why I'm abstaining for the rest of my life.
bs tongue


Why is my response BS. I'mma beat you like a pinata. LOL Wait a minute, you may like that. laugh let me go into my bag of tricks for you. tongue
quote:
Originally posted by AudioGuy:
  • How do you feel about them?

  • Are they productive or destructive?

  • Is it generally a mutual decision, or is it a suprise?

  • Do you learn from them or are they meaningless?


How do you feel about them?
Negative. I personally would not be on the same wavelength as a person who was into one night stands. I think it's a basically shallow form of behavior and I cannot understand the appeal to men or women.

Are they productive or destructive?
Ultimately destructive.

Is it generally a mutual decision, or is it a suprise?

Don't know.

Do you learn from them or are they meaningless?

Meaningless. While it's perfectly possible to learn from relationships, I don't see how you could learn from a casual encounter.
quote:
Originally posted by AudioGuy:
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
AudioGuy, you haven't given your opinion yet Razz


As I have gotten older, I have realized that they are not, in my opinion, constructive or destructive - they are what they are.

well I think that's the summary so far.

One night stands really belong back in my past single-life, for a short period of time, after a very serious, significant other. Not proud of that time, but not regretful. You live and learn. Life is for learning, not just intellectualising and moralising. Smile

"How do you feel about them?" think I answered that.

"Are they productive or destructive?" sometimes one or the other or both.

"Is it generally a mutual decision, or is it a suprise?" The few times it happened it was part of a flow.

"Do you learn from them or are they meaningless?" you always learn from life experiences, unless you aren't listening.


The golden rule is never to judge others... coz one day you just might find yourself in the same situation as them... and need their input. Smile

Add Reply

Likes (0)
Post
×
×
×
×