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Can I be real for a minute?

You either need to sh&^ or get off the pot. Either give into your lust, or cut the mess off. Grow some balls (metaphorically speaking).

I used to write alot about attraction, dating, etc. One of the number one things about seduction is that you can not seduce someone who is satisfied and content. It is like trying to force someone to eat after they are already full to the brim, it only forces them to gag.

What I would do is first question why you are attracted to this guy to the point where you may really let him do you. There are obviously some contentment issues that you are struggling with either related to your own personal identity or your relationship with your husband.

Even if you don't resolve those issues and you truly do love you husband and find this other man attraction a problem, then you need to do right by your moral code and cut that sh(& off.

I have dealt with folks, men and women, in these situations numerous times, and they all say the same stuff you are saying. I tell them the same thing.

Finally, you don't owe that cat anything. I am sure he knows you are married and he is pursuing you anyway. He knows you are giving into his game so he is not going to stop until he gets what he wants. So he knows the score if you stop talking to him. I will just look for a new you. No need to take his feelings into consideration.

Now if your moral code is such that you can live with being a naughty girl, and put on the good girl face when you get home, then go for it.

However either way you need to really stop acting like the situation is beyond your control. That is just an excuse.
Short-term: As best you can, channel all these "pent up" energies you have toward this dude toward your husband.

Long-term: After yall get "through," have a long talk, or series of honest talks with your husband, and figure out what has brought you to this point. Figure out what have you two left by the roadside on your journey together?

Not to be crass or anything, but it's just like sports. When something ain't quite right, reduce it to its fundamentals. Step-by-step, put in the hard work and rebuild on what brought and has kept the two of you together.
quote:
Originally posted by donna12:
I HAVE A PROBLEM A.A

I AM MARRIED AS EVERYONE WELL KNOWS, BUT THE PROBLEM IS I AM ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE THAT IS 18 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME.

HE IS SO SMART, AND MATURE ITS CRAZY. I TELL MYSELF TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY WHEN I SEE HIM, OR INSTEAD OF SPEAKING JUST WAVE AND WALK AWAY, BUT IT GOES BEYOND THAT.

THIS YOUNG MAN FINDS ME, AND TORTURES ME!!!! giveup

HE STARES AT ME CONSTANTLY, AND HE SMILES AT ME ALL THE TIME. I KNOW HE LIKES ME, BUT I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.

I COULD BE THIS YOUNG MAN'S MOTHER, WHICH I HAVE TOLD HIM ALREADY, BUT HE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT AGE, OR THE FACT I AM MARRIED.

I REMEMBER A POST ON ANOTHER SITE HOW THIS WOMAN WAS 42, AND THIS GUY SHE LIKED WAS 23, BUT SHE HAD A 25 YR OLD SON, AND WAS MARRIED. SHE LEFT HER HUSBAND FOR THIS MAN, AND SHE WROTE THAT SHE HAS NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

I WON'T LEAVE MY HUSBAND FOR THIS YOUNG MAN, BECAUSE I LOVE MY HUSBAND, BUT HE IS MAKING IT VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME. I FEEL LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL WITH A CRUSH WHEN HE COMES AROUND. EVERYTIME HE SEES ME HE STARTS TO BLUSH.I HAD NOTICED SOMETHING ELSE ONE TIME WHEN I SAW HIM, AND I KNOW HE WAS EMBARASSED BECAUSE HE KNEW I SAW IT---HE GOT EROUSED.

AM I GOING INSANE OR WHAT?

HELP ME OUT ON THIS ONE A.A. FAMILY?

I HATE TO HURT HIS FEELINGS, AND A PART OF ME IS REALLY ATTRACTED TO HIM. I AM MESSING WITH FIRE, AS MY MOTHER SAYS AND I WILL GET BURNED EVENTUALLY.

I FEEL I HAVE TO TALK TO HIM SOMEHOW, AND LET HIM KNOW THIS IS NOT HEALTHY OR FAIR FOR NEITHER ONE OF US.I AM bang AGAINST THE WALL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



That's a nice feeling... I understand...

There is nothing you can do about chemistry... however if you want to save your marriage you are going to have to be disciplined and cut off contact with this young man..... (do this by placing pain between you and he- be direct and tell him you don't want him and do not let a hint of your desire show- you can do it)...

if the desire is too strong... you must think of your husband and admit to yourself that you are having great difficulty remaining loyal to him... this is not fair to him... and you would not want this done to you (your husband emotionally lusting after another woman)...

be fair and do the right thing either way: talk to your husband about whether to stay together.... talk to your husband about repairing the marriage... or give up the attraction to a man that has not invested any time, attention or commitment to you other than to ogle you....


Also...

Older woman + Younger man is hot in the beginning but rarely works in the long term... though there are exceptions for sure...
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
That's a nice feeling... I understand...

There is nothing you can do about chemistry... however if you want to save your marriage you are going to have to be disciplined and cut off contact with this young man..... (do this by placing pain between you and he- be direct and tell him you don't want him and do not let a hint of your desire show- you can do it)...

if the desire is too strong... you must think of your husband and admit to yourself that you are having great difficulty remaining loyal to him... this is not fair to him... and you would not want this done to you (your husband emotionally lusting after another woman)...

be fair and do the right thing either way: talk to your husband about whether to stay together.... talk to your husband about repairing the marriage... or give up the attraction to a man that has not invested any time, attention or commitment to you other than to ogle you....


appl Well said. I am also a big proponent of counseling - individual and marital. They are not panaceas, but they might help you work through what is really going on.
quote:
Originally posted by donna12:
I WON'T LEAVE MY HUSBAND FOR THIS YOUNG MAN, BECAUSE I LOVE MY HUSBAND


Then that's the end of the discussion. You have made a committment to your husband and your marriage. You love husband, and you need to make this crystal clear to this man who has been pursuing you, because you can be certain that as time passes, there will be yet another man that you will find attractive. You can also distract your attention away from this man when he is in your presence by doing any number of activities:

(1) Call your husband on the telephone and tell him how much you love him and miss him.

(2) Visit a nearby co-worker and talk to her or him about your husband. Talk about how much your husband does for you and your family.

(3) Take an early lunch and think about how you and your husband met and fell in love. Focus on why you married your husband.

(4) Go to the bathroom and think of something special to do for your husband after work: Give him a massage. Prepare his favorite meal. Rub his feet with Shea Butter and Jojoba Oil. Put on his favorite dress. Wear his favorite silk and lace panty and bra set. Let him make love to you without having to fight and ask.

The goal is to keep your mind on one of the most important people in your life: Your husband. Marriage is sacred. And I truly believe that when you make a vow to someone, you must honor your committment. If you have integrity, then you will honor yourself and your beloved husband. However, if you are experiencing serious problems with your marriage, then like others have advised, seek counseling before dissolving the marriage.

Take care sister.
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by donna12:
I HAVE A PROBLEM A.A

I AM MARRIED AS EVERYONE WELL KNOWS, BUT THE PROBLEM IS I AM ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE THAT IS 18 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME.

HE IS SO SMART, AND MATURE ITS CRAZY. I TELL MYSELF TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY WHEN I SEE HIM, OR INSTEAD OF SPEAKING JUST WAVE AND WALK AWAY, BUT IT GOES BEYOND THAT.

THIS YOUNG MAN FINDS ME, AND TORTURES ME!!!! giveup

HE STARES AT ME CONSTANTLY, AND HE SMILES AT ME ALL THE TIME. I KNOW HE LIKES ME, BUT I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.

I COULD BE THIS YOUNG MAN'S MOTHER, WHICH I HAVE TOLD HIM ALREADY, BUT HE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT AGE, OR THE FACT I AM MARRIED.

I REMEMBER A POST ON ANOTHER SITE HOW THIS WOMAN WAS 42, AND THIS GUY SHE LIKED WAS 23, BUT SHE HAD A 25 YR OLD SON, AND WAS MARRIED. SHE LEFT HER HUSBAND FOR THIS MAN, AND SHE WROTE THAT SHE HAS NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

I WON'T LEAVE MY HUSBAND FOR THIS YOUNG MAN, BECAUSE I LOVE MY HUSBAND, BUT HE IS MAKING IT VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME. I FEEL LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL WITH A CRUSH WHEN HE COMES AROUND. EVERYTIME HE SEES ME HE STARTS TO BLUSH.I HAD NOTICED SOMETHING ELSE ONE TIME WHEN I SAW HIM, AND I KNOW HE WAS EMBARASSED BECAUSE HE KNEW I SAW IT---HE GOT EROUSED.

AM I GOING INSANE OR WHAT?

HELP ME OUT ON THIS ONE A.A. FAMILY?

I HATE TO HURT HIS FEELINGS, AND A PART OF ME IS REALLY ATTRACTED TO HIM. I AM MESSING WITH FIRE, AS MY MOTHER SAYS AND I WILL GET BURNED EVENTUALLY.

I FEEL I HAVE TO TALK TO HIM SOMEHOW, AND LET HIM KNOW THIS IS NOT HEALTHY OR FAIR FOR NEITHER ONE OF US.I AM bang AGAINST THE WALL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Donna12,
I've never been married but it sounds to me like you are being tested right now. I don't know if you are a woman of faith but anytime I feel that I am being tested I pray, pray, and pray some more.
If I were a married woman and in this situation, while I would likely be flattered, I would care more about hurting my husband and less about hurting the feelings of a young man who could cause you to loose everything. I'm not suggesting that resisting temptation is easy, but at the end of the day, you have to do the right thing. You can't control how you feel but you can control how you act on those feelings.
Good luck!
quote:
I HATE TO HURT HIS FEELINGS, AND A PART OF ME IS REALLY ATTRACTED TO HIM. I AM MESSING WITH FIRE, AS MY MOTHER SAYS AND I WILL GET BURNED EVENTUALLY.


Wow, sorry I'm so late on this...

I seriously doubt you will be hurting his feelings. His feelings are not in anyway involved in this, I would wager. I would just make it clear to him that nothing can happen, and call it a day. And then, go home, rip your husband's clothes off and unleash all of that newly-enhanced wild naked lust on your husband. And continue to do so as frequently as possible.

And... ahem...daz ..feel free to update us on how things turn out. Wink

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