Peace...


It starts off as a simple encounter on a message board...You posting comments and responding to others..and then without warning..You are targeted....

All of a sudden he has eyes on you...The online flirting begins..The Private messages follow..And then Bam!!..The phone calls...You have been MBM'ed (Message Board macked)..

Before you know it your cyber buddy is in your offline life..

Is this safe???

Without the benefit of engaging someone in real time, In personam do you know enough to let a person into your life?



Whirling Moat

"Your Comfort zone is your enemies hunting ground" -Unknown

 

Original Post
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
Peace...


It starts off as a simple encounter on a message board...You posting comments and responding to others..and then without warning..You are targeted....

All of a sudden he has eyes on you...The online flirting begins..The Private messages follow..And then Bam!!..The phone calls...You have been MBM'ed (Message Board macked)..

Before you know it your cyber buddy is in your offline life..

Is this safe???

Without the benefit of engaging someone in real time, In personam do you know enough to let a person into your life?



Whirling Moat



Confused You are asking people this?? Confused




I can't believe you started this post... Did you SELF REFLECT when you did this???


omg...


But to answer..

"Is this safe???"


No.. especially if you don't have mutual REAL friends in common.. or there is not an institution that is supplying a certain amount of safety and monitoring that you trust.. and even then anyone can say anything on the internet... It's definitely a huge safety risk imo... Plus you have no idea how attached a person may become.. and once that person has your personal information dudes could end up stalking you... especially if you decide that you don't want a relationship... or worse they could end up harming you ..

I think the possibility of meeting someone you truly clique with is sooo rare that no matter what it is not worth the risk of potential harm...


"Without the benefit of engaging someone in real time, In personam do you know enough to let a person into your life?
"


Nope..

We are more than two dimensional beings..

However, I have always thought that given the right controls that tie to real life it could be a good starting point.. you get to interact with someone's thoughts, ones they may not convey or come across readily in real conversation.. but that's a drawback because once you meet that person may not be able to reproduce those sentiments in real time... and the energy between two people in real life is different... who knows what the chemistry may trigger.. negative or positive.. and if you have children it is especially important to be careful.. This person is essentially a stranger no matter how much you interact online. Hence, why I don't believe in meeting strangers in real life and no longer in net life..
Of course it's safe. You engage and interact with people you meet face to face in much the same way. In fact, I think it's a little safer because you can decern a person's mental stability better by corresponding initially via PM's, email, and telephone prior to meeting face-to-face. You can nip it in the bud before it gets to that point if need be. Whether the correspondence is virtual and in reality, it takes place. Whenever the face-to-face happens just make sure you're smart about it and keep it public until you're confident about this person.
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:


All of a sudden he has eyes on you...The online flirting begins..The Private messages follow..And then Bam!!..The phone calls...You have been MBM'ed (Message Board macked)..


I'm sure that our beloved AA.org founder just loves this particular acronym...

lol nono
LOL!

Ya'll are nuts!

Safety is always key...and some of you all need to stop frontin anyway, as we know that some have already taken "it" OffLine....whether or not some of the ladies officially know about it or not....

Ladies, you get any visits from strangers??? (cough, Fab, cough....others?)

hehehehehe...

You know who you are.

"Wisdom Is A Woman Always Paying Attention!"
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
Peace...


It starts off as a simple encounter on a message board...You posting comments and responding to others..and then without warning..You are targeted....

All of a sudden he has eyes on you...The online flirting begins..The Private messages follow..And then Bam!!..The phone calls...You have been MBM'ed (Message Board macked)..

Before you know it your cyber buddy is in your offline life..

Is this safe???

Without the benefit of engaging someone in real time, In personam do you know enough to let a person into your life?



Whirling Moat


Speaking as a fully retired Message Board Mack and Chatroom Casanova I can say there's no danger in pullin' honies from the internet. Hell, it even got to a point where I had a collection of nude sistahs--half of em' thinking they gonna render me helpless from the waist down just from seing a bangin' body, the other half trying to play that coy 'I don't think I'm all that fine what do you think?' kind of game.

Main thing you gotta do is peep a sistah's behavior patterns before you take it to that next level. If she likes to be an attention-seeking drama queen in the chatroom or discussion board chances are she's going to put your bidness all over cyberspace if shit go sour. I usually zeroed in on the sistah's that stayed on the sidelines and watched the drama queens get clowned.

The trick is don't give em' too much information I don't give a damn how much y'all click in the beginning. That way she won't be throwing shit up in your face at every twist and turn. You have to keep your nose clean and be on the up-n-up every step of the way. That way if a chick tries to throw a curve ball and play you for a fool in front of the whole chatroom/discussion board you have enough dirt on her that would make her think twice about making a scene, and if she's dumb enough to do so you can wreck her shit right in front of everybody. Remember, even if you take it to real time romance it was a relationship that was originally fostered from the internet. In that respect, since she don't know shit about me forreal anyway you gotta carry yourself in a way that you don't give a damn what kind of dirt she has. It ain't shit that's going to conflict with interactions that were fostered in the real world. Keep them people--internet relationships and traditional relationships--separate.
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
Is this safe???

Without the benefit of engaging someone in real time, In personam do you know enough to let a person into your life?

You're killing me with this man... 20

But to answer your question, imo meeting people on-line is no more dangerous then meeting people in person. There are crazies everywhere you go, so you have to use sound judgment when deciding with whom and under what circumstances you want to be interacting.

Around Christmas 2006, I was in the mid-west visiting family, and I drove out to Columbus to met up with HonestBrother and Sandye. We had dinner, went dancing, HB whooped my azz at pool... and we basically had a great time. None of us had met face to face before this, and we all met on this board.

On the flip side... there a several people on this board that I wouldn't entertain something like that for five seconds. There are others that I might be willing to meet depending on the circumstances and motivation. There are others that I would jump at the opportunity to meet in person almost regardless of the circumstances (Ebony... Wink).

Just like real-time and off-line... it depends. However, I do recognize that it can be very easy for a person to get caught up thinking that they know a person that they've never actually met and only know about from the internet. Folks should always remind themselves that they don't know a person... until they know them.
quote:
Originally posted by InYourHead:
Of course it's safe. You engage and interact with people you meet face to face in much the same way. In fact, I think it's a little safer because you can decern a person's mental stability better by corresponding initially via PM's, email, and telephone prior to meeting face-to-face. You can nip it in the bud before it gets to that point if need be. Whether the correspondence is virtual and in reality, it takes place. Whenever the face-to-face happens just make sure you're smart about it and keep it public until you're confident about this person.


yeah tfro

And @ BV ... *smootches* (with your sweet self kiss)
Peace...


quote:
Folks should always remind themselves that they don't know a person... until they know them.



I would agree with this.

I have had clients from almost everywhere in the USA and a few from the UK and Australia. Some I have never met in person, however we have dealt with one another for months, or in a few cases years, without ever meeting in person..I remember last year I met one of my UK clients and despite trading emails, and speaking by phone numerous times, when we met it was very awkward since we were still strangers on some level.

There is also the craziness of hearing a person while they are standing in front of you instead of listening to a them over the phone, or reading their words, and inadvertently inserting the voice you have created for them in your head. Sometimes listening to a person speak that you have only known online is like watching a movie with the wrong actor playing a role..If the voice isn't close to the way you imagined it, it will completely throw things off..In a way it is like you are thinking "You aren't suppose to sound like that.."

It is true that the internet will only reveal so much about the person on the other end of the keyboard. We can become acquanted with this aspect, however, the online personality we come to know is a very tailored persona. Real interaction may happen the same way where a person puts their best foot forward, however, there are always clues offline to tell you whether a person is safe or not..It can be as simple as the way ther person looks at you..Or the way they smile or eat, or hug you..It can be anything..That sends off the red flag..

You will know right away..Something aint Kosher..Not at all..



Whirling Moat
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
the online personality we come to know is a very tailored persona. Real interaction may happen the same way where a person puts their best foot forward, however, there are always clues offline to tell you whether a person is safe or not..

Whirling Moat


yeah
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
the online personality we come to know is a very tailored persona. Real interaction may happen the same way where a person puts their best foot forward, however, there are always clues offline to tell you whether a person is safe or not..

Whirling Moat


yeah


You've got more information to deal with when there's 3D interaction, but people can be just as deceitful in real life than not. In fact, with more information, people can be even more nefarious.
quote:
In fact, with more information, people can be even more nefarious.


So true. I've found that the very thing that in real life the ability to read non-verbal cues lends itself to deception; whereas, on-line we do not have that ability so the listener, overtime will get the "real" person because the communicator cannot change their tune based on reading the listener.
quote:
Originally posted by MBM:
quote:
Originally posted by Khalliqa:
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
the online personality we come to know is a very tailored persona. Real interaction may happen the same way where a person puts their best foot forward, however, there are always clues offline to tell you whether a person is safe or not..

Whirling Moat


yeah


You've got more information to deal with when there's 3D interaction, but people can be just as deceitful in real life than not. In fact, with more information, people can be even more nefarious.


While a deceitful person is deceitful no matter the medium... it is certainly easier to deceive when an entire aspect of your life is hidden.. and you can better control what image you project...


I'd feel more comfortable with more information than less when deciding whether a person is safe... and frankly this is why I say dealing with strangers period is just not good in real or from the net...

It takes time to get to know a person... but I'd rather spend time getting to know a fully dimensional person than only a partition of that person...
Again, safety is key.

...and you have to really know the person you are trying to "see" OffLine.

I've learned the hard way that a person can be dramatically different than what they've presented OnLine....and the lies that one can UnCover....all I can say is, "Damn, damn, DAMN!"

LOL...

Seriously, if you are considering taking it OffLine, remember that your safety prevails in all things. Also, keep in mind that a person is a person, not the "ideal" that you've built up about them in your mind. So you will need to ask YourSelf how you deal with real people, not glossed over images of perfection.

Finally, agree to meet. Just don't sneak up on a sista, or you WILL most likely get the response that Fabulous gave regarding the person who came up to her with the gift....as it tends to freak Women out when some stranger comes up to her who seems to think they "know" her and what she likes. That type of behavior screams "stalker" like nothing else.

"Wisdom Is A Real Woman!"
http://www.dangersofinternetdating.com/redflags.htm

From the site above:

"There are always red flags that we "should have seen", the problem is, we most often see them way too late. Many people have lost money, possessions, and their hearts to someone they should have seen as suspicious from day one. Of course there are the more obvious red flags which we will discuss first, and then move on to the more elaborate schemes."


http://www.dangersofinternetdating.com/redflags.htm


I'm not sure if I can reprint without their permission...
Online Dating Awareness and Dangers, One Woman's Story
Updated: May 18, 2005 07:42 PM

http://www.kvbc.com/Global/story.asp?s=3360743

It's Saturday night, and you don't have a date. Your friend, on the other hand, has got 'em lined up one after another. You see, she's entered the world of online dating, one of the most convenient ways to meet people nowadays. But does she know what she's getting into? In Nina Radetich's Crime Tracker 3 report, the hidden dangers of online dating: One woman's harrowing story, and what you can learn from her experience.

"Any city you go to, whether it be Las Vegas or Podunk, people are going to say it's so hard to meet people in my city, but I just think it's hard in general." Hard to believe the woman voted Las Vegas' Sexiest Person in 2004 has ever had a tough time finding a date. Sonja Flaherty writes about her dating excursions in her relationship column in the Las Vegas Weekly. "It's about being single. There are good times, there's bad times, there's ups, there's downs."

Sonja has tried every avenue to meet people, partly for work partly because, "I am a romantic, I believe in love." Her logical next avenue? The internet. "This is pretty much what people do." She found a guy from California who piqued her interest. "I contacted him, and from the get go he was Mr. Good Guy, go to church on Sunday and am very close with my family." They corresponded for about a month, and eventually spoke on the phone. "I thought ch-ching... I struck gold." Before long, he'd planned a trip to come see her in person. "I said terrific. The first mistake I made was I said you can come to my house and pick me up." And they were off - to a popular local fundraiser, UNL-Vino. "Of course, at UNL-Vino there's a lot of wine involved. By the end of the evening, I was so infatuated, I thought, you know, this online dating, there's something to it."

The couple headed back to her house, where Sonja had big plans to give him a parting kiss in anticipation of their next date. Instead, he asked to come inside to use her restroom. She, in turn, went to the master bath to fix her lipstick. When she came out, he was sitting on her bed.

(Nina) "What were your thoughts at that point?"

(Sonja) "I was three sheets to the wind. We had been drinking wine all day. We were flirting. I had bubble hearts popping over my head."

What happened next changed Sonja's life forever.

"He put his hand over my mouth and was whispering in my ear the things he was going to do to me. I said please, please, just stop. He kept his hand on my mouth and he ripped my dress and tore it down, and he bit me." Sonja screamed. "I saw in his eyes what I perceived to be, if you yell again, I am going to really hurt you." So she did what she thought she needed to do to survive and laid there as he raped her. "I had trusted him, I had invited him into my home, and there was that little tiny part of me that thought, you know, look at the Sonja you have created in this column. She is sexy and sassy and flirtatious. And maybe she did deserve it."

For several months, Sonja believed it was her fault. She withdrew from her regular life, quit her job, even decided to sell her house until eventually, she sought help. One of the first things she did was to talk to her boss. After careful consideration, she decided to share her experience in her column.

(Nina) "What was it like writing that column?"

"Horrifying to say the least."

Horrifying, but somehow healing. Now she hopes other women will hear her story and think twice about their own safety, especially when dating online.

"Here's a news flash: People lie. And they will say whatever they need to say to sell themselves. They're creating a picture of who they think they are and putting it on the web."

Sonja says we should all remember the rules about strangers our mom set for us when we were young. "Meet in a public place; meet with friends for the first couple times. Get to know him. Find out about his family, his background. More than anything else, trust your instincts."

(Nina) "Will you online date again?"

"No, no I will not. I realized that when I tried the online dating thing - that if you're willing to pay 19.99 a month, you'll meet 19.99 guys."

Crime prevention specialists recommend you do everything you can to protect yourself if you do decide to try Internet dating. One of the best questions to ask yourself: Is it possible to determine if someone is the "right" person just by reading text? Also remember, never give a stranger too much personal information. There are some companies out there now that, for a fee, will do a background check on a potential date for you.


Safety Tips For Dating Online

1. Start Slow

Watch out for someone who seems too good to be true. Begin by communicating solely via Match.com email, then look for odd behavior or inconsistencies. The person at the other end may not be who or what he or she says. Trust your instincts. If anything makes you uncomfortable, walk away for your own safety and protection.

2. Guard Your Anonymity

All correspondence between Match.com members takes place through our double-blind system, ensuring your true identity is protected until you decide to reveal it. Never include your last name, email address, home address, phone number, place of work or any other identifying information in your free profile or initial messages. When corresponding with another Match.com member, turn off your email signature file. Stop communicating with anyone who pressures you for personal information or attempts in any way to trick you into revealing it.

3. Exercise Caution And Common Sense

Careful, thoughtful decisions generally yield better dating results. Guard against trusting the untrustworthy; suitors must earn your trust gradually, through consistently honorable, forthright behavior. Take all the time you need to test for a trustworthy person and pay careful attention along the way. If you suspect someone is lying, he or she probably is, so act accordingly. Be responsible about romance, and don’t fall in love at the click of a mouse. Don’t become prematurely intimate with someone, even if that intimacy only occurs online. If you mutually decide to cross the point of no return, be smart and protect yourself. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention provide some of the most current information available about sexually transmitted diseases and preserving your health.

4. Do A Little Digging

Because privacy is of the highest importance at Match.com, we do not require our members to submit to background checks. We do, however, encourage members to do their own research on potential love matches. We recommend getting as much info as possible by asking questions, utilizing Internet search engines (try www.ask.com) and most importantly, using common sense. Nothing is 100% reliable, just remember to use your head as well as your heart. (By the way, if you want to look into background checks on your own, simply perform a search using your favorite Internet search engine - many companies supply them!)

5. Request A Photo

A photo will give you a good idea of the person’s appearance, which may prove helpful in achieving a gut feeling. In fact, it’s best to view several images of someone in various settings: casual, formal, indoor and outdoors. If all you hear are excuses about why you can’t see a photo, consider that he or she has something to hide.

6. Chat On The Phone

A phone call can reveal much about a person’s communication and social skills. Consider your security and do not reveal your personal phone number to a stranger. Try a cell phone number instead or use local telephone blocking techniques to prevent your phone number from appearing in Caller ID. Only furnish your phone number when you feel completely comfortable.

7. Meet When YOU Are Ready

The beauty of meeting and relating online is that you can collect information gradually, later choosing whether to pursue the relationship in the offline world. You never are obligated to meet anyone, regardless of your level on online intimacy. And even if you decide to arrange a meeting, you always have the right to change your mind. It’s possible that your decision to keep the relationship anonymous is based on a hunch that you can’t logically explain. Trust yourself. Go with your instincts.

8. Watch For Red Flags

Pay attention to displays of anger, intense frustration or attempts to pressure or control you. Acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or disrespectful comments or any physically inappropriate behavior are all red flags. You should be concerned if your date exhibits any of the following behavior without providing an acceptable explanation:

* Provides inconsistent information about age, interests, appearance, marital status, profession, employment, etc.
* Refuses to speak to you on the phone after establishing ongoing, online intimacy.
* Fails to provide direct answers to direct questions.
* Appears significantly different in person from his or her online persona.
* Never introduces you to friends, professional associates or family members.

9. Meet In A Safe Place

When you choose to meet offline, always tell a friend where you are going and when you will return. Leave your date's name and telephone number with your friend. Never arrange for your date to pick you up at home. Provide your own transportation, meet in a public place at a time with many people around (a familiar restaurant or coffee shop is often a good choice), and when the date is over, leave on your own as well. Refrain from drinking excessively, as it could impair your ability to make good decisions. If at some point you and your date decide to move to another location, take your own car. When the timing is appropriate, thank your date for getting together and say goodbye.

10. Take Extra Caution Outside Your Area

If you are flying in from another city, arrange for your own car and hotel room. Do not disclose the name of your hotel and never allow your date to make the arrangements for you. Rent a car at the airport and drive directly to your hotel. Call your date from the hotel or meet at the location you have already agreed to. If the location seems inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your hotel. Try to contact your date at that location or leave a message on a home machine. Always make sure a friend or family member knows your plans and has your contact information. And if possible, carry a cell phone at all times.

11. Get Yourself Out Of A Jam

Never do anything you feel unsure about. If you are in any way afraid of your date, use your best judgment to diffuse the situation and get out of there. Excuse yourself long enough to call a friend for advice, ask someone else on the scene for help or slip out the back door and drive away. If you feel you are in danger, call the police; it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Never worry or feel embarrassed about your behavior; your safety is much more important than one person’s opinion of you.

While liars, cheaters and imposters certainly ply their craft on the Web, you’ll also find them in nightclubs and offline dating services, cocktail parties or even sitting across from you at your local café. Regardless of where you meet someone, dating is never a risk-free activity, but a little caution will reduce your risk in matters of the heart.
quote:
Originally posted by Whirling Moat:
Peace...


It starts off as a simple encounter on a message board...You posting comments and responding to others..and then without warning..You are targeted....

All of a sudden he has eyes on you...The online flirting begins..The Private messages follow..And then Bam!!..The phone calls...You have been MBM'ed (Message Board macked)..

Before you know it your cyber buddy is in your offline life..

Is this safe???

Without the benefit of engaging someone in real time, In personam do you know enough to let a person into your life?



Whirling Moat

Do women really go for that stuff?
I've been flirted with online, heck, I've flirted online, but I never thought any of it was serious.

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