I am looking for advice/opinions on May December relationships. As some of you know I am young(ish). I'm in my twenties. I know a man interesting in dating me that I have met through various African centered political and spiritual activities who is in his mid fourties. What makes the "age thing" an issue is that I look much younger than I actually am....So I'm a little sceptical about his intentions. I don't mind his age, in fact the amount of wisdom he has that comes with it is refreshing. I'm just concerned that he may have been thinking I was actualy younger than I am, which makes we wonder if he is a little R-Kellyish.... Or am I being too skeptical(which is typical) and not giving enough credit to the "how" and "where" we met...which may actually be more of why he is attracted to me? He did see me do a presentation on Pan-Africanism and African culture before he approached me, So he might have guessed my 'real' age, or at least my maturity level. Should I just see where it leads? I need some insight into the male psychy...especially the mature male psychy...from the male and female perspective...

I'm curious as to what circumstances, if any, would lead older men on this site(or in general) to try to deal with a much younger women. Is age much of an issue if you have similar interests? Do similar interests supercede age? Are most men that try to deal with younger women trying to manipulate or control them? Are there circumstances where that is not the case? I know you can't analyze his specific motives...just wondering if you can give me the assistance of some of your wisdom that I have not attained because of my limited experience due to my age, especially in this particular area...

On a side note, I really must like this site to be posting my personal buisiness like this...lol
Egungun, Egungun ni t'aiye ati jo! Ancestos, Ancestors come to earth and dance! "I'm sick of the war and the civilization that created it. Let's look to our dreams, and the magical; to the creations of the so-called primitive peoples for new inspirations." - Jaques Vache and Andre Breton "Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone." -John Maynard "You know that in our country there were even matriarchal societies where women were the most important element. On the Bijagos islands they had queens. They were not queens because they were the daughters of kings. They had queens succeeding queens. The religious leaders were women too..." -- Amilcar Cabral, Return to the Source, 1973
Original Post
My sister

I can definitely feel where you are coming from. I am a year younger than legal, however they say I am an old soul Smile

All of my significant relationships have been with much older men. It is easier to understand why a younger girl would be interested in an older man than why an older man would want such a young woman...I admit I questioned their motives many, many times. Then, it hit me.

Just as most mature women want a mature man, mature men want mature women... and sometimes, a little something extra. Many older men want the maturity, but at the same time they want the vitality, the energy, and frankly, the sex appeal that a younger woman can provide. I don't blame them for this, I feel its human nature.

Also, you two obviously share the same interests. Don't jump to conclusions darling, I'm sure he's attracted to your charm, your strength, and your wisdom! Isn't an attraction based on those factors more important than any number?

You are too wise to let down your guard...do understand that not all men have beautiful intentions. He may not be Mr. Right, but you might be surprised. And yes, give more thought to the "how" and the "where". That's very important. I'm sure if he happened to be in a vincinity close enough to see a presentation on Pan-Africanism and African culture...if he stuck around long enough to witness that...honey, that man has substance.

Peace and love to you
OA - just be careful. Go into it with your eyes open and watch for any signs of anything unusual. Find out as much as you can about his past. Marriages? Kids? Past relationships etc. For example, if he's never been married, why? You're a smart woman, you can figure him out. Beyond that, I'm sure your instincts are finely tuned. Listen to them. If something starts to feel uncomfortable - step back.

At the end of the day, if he messes up - tell him I'll kick his ass! broscream
OA, you strike me as a sister who does not bullsh*t. So why start now? If you have concerns about him and his motives, maybe you should ask him. Most people, when confronted bluntly, will reveal their true motives, without realizing it.

So I say... grill him, and if he can't take the heat...

and whaddya mean May/Dec??? Shoudn't it be May/Aug?? He is only in his 40's
Dear OA, here is my two cents. I wish I could be as optimistic as others. Unfortunately, I am not. We are talking about a man in his 40s and a young woman in her 20s, hmm. Been there and done that. What I found was a wonderful OLDER man that I had a wonderful time with but there were DIFFERENCES that couldn't be overlooked.

For example, when you reach 40 you body is starting to show its age with aches and pains. When you are in your 20s, who wants to be around someone using BEN-GAY. You may enjoy "African centered political and spiritual activities" but there are other interest such as music, art or food that you may not be compatible in.

They say women are attracted to men like their fathers and men are attraced to women like their mothers. But what I have discovered is, some men who like young women will always prefer young women. When you are 40 you may find he is 60 still looking at women who are 20.

Have fun.
Thanks everyone for you honest responses.


Lol...I guess my personality comes off a little fierce when talking about politics, social and cultural issues, ect...but when it comes to dating I'm a big romantic, and quite shy...basically a totally different animal, beleive it or not. But I am honest, so I will "grill" him to the best of my ability.


When I first read your comment I thought "Oh yah, I forgot about that." Then I remembered Elijah Muhammed's reputation with the ladies...and I got a cold chill...lol


Thanks for your honesty. I was considering the points you brought up also...especially about his apparent prefference(if he has one) and what that could effect when I get older...

I knew I came to the right place for advice!Big Grin
Originally posted by Oshun Auset:

But I am honest, so I will "grill" him to the best of my ability.

I would NEVER EVER contradict my brother AudioGuy brosmile , but another way to proceed is to just go into it with the best of expectations, but to be diligent about listening to your instincts about him. Particularly if you are a romantic, that can be easier said than done, but what brother likes to be "grilled"? brosmile

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