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This seems to be a common theme for single men. What I have found is that, 99 1/2% of the time this just means he is looking for someone to sleep with whenever he gets ready minus the commitment.

Can we talk about this? Do the fellas here do this type of thing? Why?

Ladies, how do you respond to this? Do you have a "friend" that is only for sexual purposes? This whole thing is new and bizarre to me. (You can tell that I am just getting back on the dating scene, huh?)
Shema
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quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
Ladies, how do you respond to this? Do you have a "friend" that is only for sexual purposes? This whole thing is new and bizarre to me. (You can tell that I am just getting back on the dating scene, huh?)


Absolutely not! I'm really old-fashioned, but a lot of my friends have 'just friends' for sexual purposes. I would find it difficult to disassociate sex from my feelings.
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
This seems to be a common theme for single men. What I have found is that, 99 1/2% of the time this just means he is looking for someone to sleep with whenever he gets ready minus the commitment.

Can we talk about this? Do the fellas here do this type of thing? Why?

Ladies, how do you respond to this? Do you have a "friend" that is only for sexual purposes? This whole thing is new and bizarre to me. (You can tell that I am just getting back on the dating scene, huh?)


Nope, I do not have a "friend" that is only for sexual purposes---By choice because men are certainly willing to be that "F" buddy [or so I've heard the term]. LOL

The fact is, I've never had 'casual' sex or "just friends" sex. Presently I am celibate and have been for a while now.

I am more than willing to change this state of celibacy, but ONLY with a man who is MORE than a "friend."
Im kinda old school........i dont do the friends with benefits thingy.

Im sorry, but to me....(just my personal opinion), when we allow men to have these benefits, there is no need for them to make a commitment.

I do know that women have choices.........but i would rather be in a relationship, then to just have a friend for sexual purposes.
Ok, so I am not crazy! Thank you both!! I mean, I ask a man up front "What do you want from me?" (I phrase it that way because, this way, I have given him NO insight into what I am looking for and he doesn't have the opportunity to piggyback my expectations...." If he says "Friends" or anything with the word friendship involved, I treat him like the "friend" he requested to be. Its just become apparent to me, lately, that men are using this "friend" answer to mean something else-"f" buddy as fab says.
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
This seems to be a common theme for single men. What I have found is that, 99 1/2% of the time this just means he is looking for someone to sleep with whenever he gets ready minus the commitment.

Can we talk about this? Do the fellas here do this type of thing? Why?

Ladies, how do you respond to this? Do you have a "friend" that is only for sexual purposes? This whole thing is new and bizarre to me. (You can tell that I am just getting back on the dating scene, huh?)


it goes both ways...you would be suprised by the amount of women that are looking for a 'friend.'

but i will say that when/if he is looking for a 'friend' then he is probably looking for someone to sleep with.
quote:
Originally posted by AudioGuy:
Okay...

When you ask him "what he wants from you" and he says "I am looking for a wife", what do you say/do then?

Most women run from that...


You know, that has NEVER happened to me.

First, let me say that if I am asking a man that question, it is a man that I am interested in. At this point in my life, if his answer is "I'm looking for a wife", I say "you found one!" Seriously, I would continue to see that guy and help grow and nurture the relationship because its clear that we are on the same page.

I'm a fighter! I don't run from anything! LOL Wink
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:

Im sorry, but to me....(just my personal opinion), when we allow men to have these benefits, there is no need for them to make a commitment.


If men don't want commitment, does witholding sex really get them to change their minds? As well, isn't that manipulative? Do you really want commitment based upon those terms - on the basis of sexual extortion? 15

Also - is it wrong for two consenting adults to have a sexually oriented relationship?
quote:
Originally posted by MBM:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:

Im sorry, but to me....(just my personal opinion), when we allow men to have these benefits, there is no need for them to make a commitment.


If men don't want commitment, does witholding sex really get them to change their minds? As well, isn't that manipulative? Do you really want commitment based upon those terms - on the basis of sexual extortion? 15

Also - is it wrong for two consenting adults to have a sexually oriented relationship?


I have no problem with a man not wanting commitment. We can be friends. But guess what? I don't sleep with my friends. Its not about withholding sex. I just give him what he asked for-FRIENDSHIP! Wink

And you are soooo right. I don't use sex as a bargaining tool. If you do, how would you know if the man sincerely wants to be with you or if he just wants to conquer you?? Confused
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
Ladies, how do you respond to this? Do you have a "friend" that is only for sexual purposes? This whole thing is new and bizarre to me. (You can tell that I am just getting back on the dating scene, huh?)


Generally, you don't have to ask people directly if their only intention is to have sex, because they will give you plenty of warning signals. Are they speeding through the stages of the relationship like a bolt of lightening? Are they always talking about sex or initiating discussions about sex (e.g., Asking about your "favorite sex positions" or your sexual "hot spots")? Do they want to keep you out at odd hours of night? Have they invited you to their place much too soon? Do they keep touching you inappropriately when you have repeatedly asked them not to? These are signals to look out for, because they communicate an eagerness to have sex prematurely.

As soon as the person starts discussing sex prematurely, you can redirect the conversation by telling the person up front that it is much too soon to have this discussion, or that you do not feel comfortable discussing sex at this at this time. This usually lets people know right away the type of relationship that you want to have.
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by ronin10:
it goes both ways...you would be suprised by the amount of women that are looking for a 'friend.' but i will say that when/if he is looking for a 'friend' then he is probably looking for someone to sleep with.


You're right Brother Ronin, when a relationship is going well, both men and women will want to have sex eventually. But typically, men will want to have sex much sooner than women. And only after having sex with a woman are they willing to start thinking about if whether or not the woman with whom they had sex is someone that can be taken seriously. Women, on the other hand, think that if a man does not truly love or deeply care for a woman, then he should not have had sex with her in the first place. To do otherwise, is considered an act of deception. This is why women must not be tempted to give into their instinctive desire to please people by satisfying a man's desire to have sex too early. It is especially important that women take the time to get to know their partners well before deciding to become intimate.
Last edited {1}
quote:
Originally posted by MBM:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:

Im sorry, but to me....(just my personal opinion), when we allow men to have these benefits, there is no need for them to make a commitment.


If men don't want commitment, does witholding sex really get them to change their minds? As well, isn't that manipulative? Do you really want commitment based upon those terms - on the basis of sexual extortion? 15

Also - is it wrong for two consenting adults to have a sexually oriented relationship?
I THINK AN ALL SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE MAKE SEEM TO BE FUN OR EXCITING TO MOST PEOPLE, BUT I THINK EVENTUALLY SOMEONE WOULD GET HURT. EMOTIONS ARE A FUNNY THING, AND IF TWO PEOPLE JUST WANT A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP, AND ARE MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE IT, THEN IT IS THEIR CHOICE, BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH JUST SEX, AND NO LOVE. I'LL TAKE "LOVE" OVER "SEX" ANYDAY!!!!!! Wink
quote:
Originally posted by The one and only ME:
This seems to be a common theme for single men. What I have found is that, 99 1/2% of the time this just means he is looking for someone to sleep with whenever he gets ready minus the commitment.

Can we talk about this? Do the fellas here do this type of thing? Why?

Ladies, how do you respond to this? Do you have a "friend" that is only for sexual purposes? This whole thing is new and bizarre to me. (You can tell that I am just getting back on the dating scene, huh?)


I know I'm in the minority here ... but, I'll just throw in my .02 on behalf of women who are not looking for a "committment" either! Smile

It's been many years back since I've had a "friend", but back in the day I did so because a committment was neither necessary nor required. It doesn't mean that I was promiscuous or jumped on anything walking by just to have sex (better known as a ho Wink) ... there was always only one "friend" at a time! But, for me, personally, the "boyfriend" always seemed to cramp my style ... interfered with my independence as far as going out with the girls when I wanted to, or hanging with other guys when I wanted to, enjoying my sporting events, etc. The questions "where have you been" and "what are you doing" and "where are you going" stopped being requirements for me when my Mom and Dad stopped asking!! And I never liked those questions anyway! Smile

However, I did enjoy sex from time to time!! Big Grin And I had the best of both worlds by not having to have a 24/7 boyfriend to satisfy a couple of hours a week urges!! There were some "friends" I'd talk to almost everyday and others I'd talk to when "booty call" time came about! Some friends made it to boyfriend status and others just faded away with time. But they were always friends as well as "friends" ... just not with a committment to each other to be anything more. And it was mutually agreeable on both sides.

So, while men are much more notorious for not wanting to commit, there are some women that don't want to either. I don't knock any woman that's looking for more out of a relationship and in fact, I truly sympathize because I know how hard it is to find a man that's looking for marriage right off the bat ... and how disappointing it can be to have to go so long looking. Especially during the normal dating years, because men in that same age group just aren't feeling that. It is in truth that they get wiser as they get older! Smile

So, really, it's a matter of choice. And what I find most surprising is the number of women who think it is somehow a travesty for a woman to make a choice that does not include marriage and children. There's very little fairness and appreciation of thought when it comes to that. I can't tell you the number of times I have been told there is "something wrong with me" by women who I am constantly consoling from a broken heart, bad marriage/relationship, balling their eyes out and asking me what's wrong with men!! Eek

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