One of my favorite songs, written and performed by female artist, Rachelle Farell is "I Forgive You." Read and provide a review of Dr. Frederic Luskin's, Ph.D. Nine Steps to Forgiveness. I think his suggestions would be beneficial for both men and women readers.

Nine Steps to Forgiveness

1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.

2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.

3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that upset you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the "peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story."

4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes – or ten years –ago.

5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your body's flight or fight response.

6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life , that they do not choose to give you. Recognize the "unenforceable rules" you have for your health or how you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, friendship and prosperity and work hard to get them.

7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what you want.

8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you.

9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.
Original Post
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One of my favorite songs, written and performed by female artist, Rachelle Farell is "I Forgive You."


That whole album is slammin! I had that particular song playing on loop after a particularly nasty breakup. So great.
Most of those have been a part of my life's philosophy, but I'm beginning to think that forgive too much.

I'm running out of cheeks to turn. Razz
The forgiving is easy...I don't like the idea of "forgetting"--and there are people who mistake the act of forgiveness with the act of "cleaning the record". Jesus said we should forgive, and he was right! Just as I can forgive the scorpion, the rattle-snake and dog which bit me, I can forgive a person.

Yet, there those individuals who would like you to forget their transgressions"”but I can't do this, just as I must be weary of that Dog, Rattle-snake or Scorpion and remember what such creatures are capable of.
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Originally posted by thayfen:
The forgiving is easy...I don't like the idea of "forgetting"--and there are people who mistake the act of forgiveness with the act of "cleaning the record".
Yep! Totally agree.....
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Yet, there those individuals who would like you to forget their transgressions"”but I can't do this, just as I must be weary of that Dog, Rattle-snake or Scorpion and remember what such creatures are capable of.
Yep! Totally agree....
quote:
Originally posted by thayfen:
The forgiving is easy...I don't like the idea of "forgetting"--and there are people who mistake the act of forgiveness with the act of "cleaning the record"....Yet, there those individuals who would like you to forget their transgressions"”but I can't do this, just as I must be weary of that Dog, Rattle-snake or Scorpion and remember what such creatures are capable of.


Exactly my settlements....the interesting observation is that it is usually the "rattle-snakes" and "scorpions" types that insist that one should forgive and forget...I always wondered why and noticed that such folks would intentionly (at times, not) offend again only to insist on being forgiven and the issue forgotten only to replay the cycle all over again and again. Then it dawned on me that such ones need their victims to be forgiving and forgetful as a recurring viral infection, this is the only way they can hurt and manipulate the ones they continue to offend.
Hence, I have learned to forgive liberally but to remember bad sequences and potential harmful patterns, not to hold these against the offenders but to recognize a bad pattern speedily and avoid it as soon as humanly possible because unlike Christ, I have only one life to live.
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5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your body's flight or fight response.



This is something I really need to work on.
I dont forgive nor do I forget.

I just won't have anything more to do with that individual. And they'll always come back begging for my help.....and they always leave being shit out of luck.
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2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.


I love this post Rowe! I am feeling the second step! It is so true and I try to live by it everyday.
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