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Date: Monday, February 15, 2010
By: Tonya Pendleton, BlackAmericaWeb.com

 

There’s a new entry in the relationship books arena. Ohio-based journalist/professor/cultural critic Jimi Izreal, who writes the controversial column “The Hardline” for TheRoot.com, has made his entry into the increasingly crowded marketplace. His new book “The Denzel Principle: Why Black Women Can’t Find Good Black Men” promises to enlighten black women as to why they can’t find a husband or even a good man.


Suckers for punishment that many of us are, the book will likely find an audience, but it begs the question: When will anyone ever write a book for black men encouraging them to heal their wounds and be better men? Our families and our communities depend on it.


While many self-styled relationship experts are making money off black women’s desire to find "a good man,” there are plenty of bad ones still out there to be found. It’s just one woman’s opinion, but a book that was directed at helping both genders heal and relate to each other better would be nice to see.


In the meantime, Izreal has provided BlackAmericaWeb.com with an excerpt from “The Denzel Principle: Why Black Women Can’t Find Good Black Men," which is featured below. Check it out.


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The thing is, some black women say they have trouble finding the right guy, but the truth is some of them manage to find a new one every night, and word gets around. Or they find great guys — legitimately good brothers with jobs, benefits and all their own teeth — and stay happy for about 15 minutes. Then they wear them out emotionally (rarely sexually), get bored, step out of the relationship and throw the proverbial dice in hopes of an upgrade. This becomes routine, and they end up spending their golden years with 50 cats and 150 ceramic collectables, trying to lure the mailman inside with a plate of food.


Now, men get a lot of the blame for destroying the black family because conventional wisdom suggests they spend all their time beating up women, playing cards late into the night, stealing watermelon from Ofay The Farmer and being generally useless and unmarriageable.  And let’s be honest: There are a lot of brothers out there fu--ng up, but not nearly as many as you think. Normally, those brothers wear their crazy on their sleeves. You can see — and often times smell them — from the curb. Women tend to mask their crazy with lipstick, perfume, Apple Bottom Jeans and such. Men aren’t as smart as women about these kinds of things, and often don’t know what they are getting into.


That said, the thing is, I know brothers aren’t responsible for the high divorce rate because we aren’t that particular. Men are not complicated creatures and don’t ask for much. All we want is a woman to work, cook, clean and maybe give up a lil’ anal on our birthday. Sisters THINK they aren’t asking for the world by just looking for a man to meet their minimum standards. But their minimum is either the bare minimum or over the top. I know, because I see it all the time: Black women jumping from knucklehead to knucklehead, chump to chump, hoping to get it right next time by consistently choosing from the bottom. They are in the Internet chat rooms, wearing tight dresses to Big Butt Nite at Club 75 and outside penitentiary gates on parole day waiting to pounce on anything with a pulse.


THIS JUST IN:


There is a movement building on the Internet just for women who like to date incarcerated and fresh-out-the-joint-type brothers. Women meet these guys, trying to help the penal system rehabilitate them, hoping to rebuild a man from the ground up. Not that convicts aren’t viable mates, but you can’t meet anyone at the coffee house, so you start trolling the prisons for husband material? What the hairy hot f--k is THAT about? Oh. Probably just a hairy, hot f--k. Jesus Christ on A Saltine, that’s f---g stupid. But some women are so desperate for a man they can mold and control, it’s come to that.


Holy S--t.


Black womens' unrealistic standards are probably born of bedtime stories about handsome, rich men on majestic horses delivering damsels in distress. Girlfriends often tell similar apocryphal tales about the friend of a friend who nabbed a rich, hung sugar-daddy who saved them from a life of dish-pan hands and lower-middle-class drudgery. Through the influence of popular media and the misguided advice they give each other, sisters combine these images and presumptions to draw a composite of a perfect black man. No way he could exist, but far be it for something like common sense to stop the average woman from looking. Her friends meet men who are so close — so close, girl! With just one fatal flaw, like he snores or doesn’t get DirectTV. But girl, she was so close!


So as a tribe, they all just keep looking, telling themselves that accepting anything less than perfection would be “settling,” because they’ve been convinced that the perfect man exists. This goes on until this perfect black man becomes like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster, with cults of nutjobs trading information, hunting tips and fish stories about the one that got away, their lives committed to hunting and capturing a creature who could not possibly exist. But wait! Just like Sasquatch and Nessie, Mr. Right is on the cover of every magazine, the star of many movies and the next guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show ... right?


Of course he is.

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Buy“The Denzel Principle” here.

Download a mixtape with more excerpts from the book here.

 
 BLACK by NATURE, PROUD by CHOICE.
Original Post
Well I'm going into my 'angry black woman' mode here. This is the same man who went on and on for 3 months back in 2001 on the now defunct Africana website with commentary about how black men could or should wear sarongs. This is all his BS opinion... and sounds like blah blah blah to me. The day that black men lower THEIR standards will be the day black women should lower theirs. What he's talking is nothing but game plain and simple. Tired of it. Let grown folks get together and the rest of y'all keep running the same old game.
Reference:
This is the same man who went on and on for 3 months back in 2001 on the now defunct Africana website with commentary about how black men could or should wear sarongs.

..... what in the hell for?? 

Reading some of the reviews, I guess this is supposed to be comical or something.  I'm gonna hope he's jokin' ...and I just didn't find it funny! 
So Jimi ... can I ask you a couple of questions if you don't mind? 

Your book is intended to be humorous, no?

But, either way, in regards to that 'hint of truth' to it that gave you the idea in the first place ... what would be the age group of the women you are talking about?  The very young?  Middle-aged?  All of us - it's just a woman thing??

And what would you say it is that (you think) has caused this phenomenon that women are putting their expectations somewhere around the "to dream the impossible dream" benchmark?  I mean, is it historical?  A lack of proper training?  Plain ol' dysfunction?  Or some kind of societal mishap? 

I would think you had to do some pretty extensive research into this in order to be able to harness and then express this type of attitude found in so many of today's Black women.  Would you mind, perhaps, sharing your ultimate conclusions on the subject?  I'd really be interested in hearing what you had to say. 
Reference:
Dude sound like he's suffering from a chronic case of "Angry Black Man Syndrome


I think you have it right.  He needs to just go find himself a fat white woman so he'll have something to do with his time before we have a Black serial killer on our hands or something.  I don't know who is stupid enough to pay money to read his sociopathic rants against ALL Black women because only one(s) HE knows, are in his family, is his mother, etc.  He needs to write a book about what all is wrong with his ass that Black women treated him like crap or that the only Black women he could get were one that "had a different man every night."
I agree that it would be nice if people focused on the healing that needs to be done versus the "war" that some want to keep running between the Black Man and the Black Woman.

When one recognizes "The Game" that is being played, it is often better to remove oneself from any games all together and seek to live among those who seriously seek the company of mature grown folks.

I don't give up on US. :-)

"Wisdom Is A Woman Who Sees!"
Hi Jimi, thanks for your response. The situation as I recall was there was an article written, then several responses and a follow up article. Several more responses were submitted to Africana. This did in fact continue through September. I was the fed up reader who sent in a response for the readers to stop whining about the skirt wearing author and to focus on why Colin Powell didn't attend the Conference on Racism in Durban South Africa. The very next day, 9-11 happened. I'm very clear on this and thanks for stopping by AfricanAmerica.
Just listened to you on The Root podcast yesterday Jimi.  Interesting discussion, although I thought you and the single Black woman bickered too much.  I do agree with you on the point of Black men and women cleaning their own houses up first before they seriously look for a partner.  I also agree that having fair & reasonable expectations is a good start as well.


I'm curious to read what anyone has to say after listening to this:
http://www.theroot.com/multimedia/confab-feb-19-2010
Mannn ... I knew I'd be sorry if I ended up listening to that whole thing. 

But I did.  And I still think Mr. Izreal has some real deep-seeded issues regarding women.  He should have stuck to writing a book about men - and whatever their problem(s) is - because he just doesn't seem to be acutely knowledgeable about women, to me.  And certainly not as knowledgeable as he thinks he is!

The discussion towards the end by the women themselves was the best and most informative part of the interview ... however, they, too, failed to address the dynamic of the (at least other half of the) Black female population who are not 'like them' ... the not highly educated, career-minded, knows-what-she-wants Black women .. of which there are many!  They sounded to me like the neo-feminist type who refuse to acknowledge the existance of those 'other types' .. and so, the conversation on their end wasn't wholly realistic to me either!

IMHO, Mr. Izreal may think he's alone 'by choice' at this point in his life, but I think it's because he still doesn't get it!  He sounds like one of those men that he calls himself 'warning other women' about!    I certainly wouldn't date anybody with his current mindset.  But ... he's 40 now ... maybe in another 5-7 years, he might be ripe for the pickin' and be susceptible to a healthy, happy and meaningful relationship! 

But, he seems to full of himself right now for there to be any room for anybody else in his life at this point.

Well, a tragic number of black women seem obsessed with picking these knucklehead brothers, ex cons and thugs. A good friend of mine (black female) and I recently had a conversation about the corrosive relationships between a number of BM and BW.  I have no idea what they expect other than drama and unfulfilled expectations. Like brother Ernie Brown said, “Life is about the choices you make….”

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