Peace Out.

quote:Originally posted by Frenchy:
You guys are all completely missing the point of qty's post (and all the others posts like hers that have come before). Do none of you see the disparity between the two standards she pointed out? It doesn't strike any of you as ODD that it is fine and even considered "rational" for a Black man to want the best looking woman available ("Who wouldn't choose a video girl over a 200 lb woman?" was the gist of the quote, I believe), but a Black woman is immediately scolded (as we see from the posts immediately following qty's post) for wanting anything "too fancy." She must be open to the buck-toothed, hump-backed janitor, but it's "just common sense" for the Black man to only want the Halle Berry and Beyonce look-a-likes. All of that was lost on you all?
The point is NOT that "janitors aint shit" or however else things were apparently interpreted. It's the double standard.
quote:Originally posted by Frenchy:
Two things:
1 - Gambit, I wasn't talking to you. Turn that frown upside down.
2 - HonestB, you're still missing it, baby. Hee hee. It is not that men are going out and dating these "perfect women," it's that it's perfectly okay for them to want that and the same is not true for us. THAT is the double standard. It works like this:
In front of a man stands Halle Berry and a random Plain Jane.
Man: I choose Halle!
Crowd Reaction: Naturally! Who wouldn't?
In front of a woman stands Denzel and a random Plain Joe.
Woman: I choose Denzel!
Crowd Reaction: That's what's wrong with you all. What makes you think you are worthy of dating a Denzel? You all are focused on the wrong things and need to be open to all types of Black men and stop trying to go for the Denzels. Why does a brotha have to have all of this stuff before you will look at him? What happened to growing with a brotha? And if Denzel cheats on you, you deserve it and I'm gonna laugh because that is what you get going after those types of desireable men.
quote:Originally posted by Rowe:
Do you all think this culture's obsession with mega super stars has interferred with everyday people's interest in the opposite sex? Perhaps our standards are not too high, but have been influenced by someone else's standards.
quote:Originally posted by ddouble:
I still believe the "few good mates" argument is overblown & overhyped. People because of their preferences and flaws (recognized & unrecognized), sabotage many of their relationships. People should have:
Realistic expectations
Honest self-assessment
Objectivity in assessing a relationship
Willingness to forgive (themselves & others)
Adaptability
Too many people have rigid views of themselves, others, and relationships. Who knows, that single mom or blue collar man may surprise you!
quote:Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Double standard or not, these scenarios are fantasies... Media Creations.
* Dear Sistas and Brothas, let's get REAL *
quote:Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Double standard or not, these scenarios are fantasies... Media Creations.
* Dear Sistas and Brothas, let's get REAL *![]()
quote:Originally posted by Frenchy:
"What makes you think you deserve to date an attractive attorney?"
"That's what you get for dating a 'pretty boy'?"
"Who wouldn't choose the girl with the big butt over the brainiac? It's only natural to go after what is visually appealing!"
quote:Originally posted by Frenchy:
Yes, "Denzel" and "Halle" are just representations for whatever is considered the most outwardly appealing in the opposite sex, the "total packages."
quote:Originally posted by HonestBrother:
What if "the total package" is just a fantasy too?
quote:Originally posted by Frenchy:
It's that "cream of the crop" within the gender that I mean.
quote:Originally posted by Black Viking:quote:Originally posted by Frenchy:
I think we all know that the "perfect" partner doesn't exist. But there is certainly a hierarchy of mates: men or women who are more suitable or the most desireable, etc. It's that "cream of the crop" within the gender that I mean.
And how is that determined? And why?
quote:Originally posted by Frenchy:
a Black woman is immediately scolded (as we see from the posts immediately following qty's post) for wanting anything "too fancy." She must be open to the buck-toothed, hump-backed janitor...
quote:What makes the "Doctor" or "Lawyer" the so called cream of the crop?
quote:Originally posted by Frenchy:
It is about the right for both genders to strive for "The (Percieved) Best."
quote:Originally posted by Rowe:
A quick example: While in High school, the program "Martin" had just began its first season, and somehow, our class got on the topic of the female characters ("Gina" and "Pam") being played by actresses Tisha Campbell and Tashina Arnold. One of the boys in the class raved about how "ugly" he thought the character Pam was compared to Gina. My geomtry teacher, a African-American woman, who sported a natural, told him that if you saw Pam walking down the halls of this high school, every dude in here would be after her. She said the problem is the entertainment industry inflates the viewers standards of what is beautiful.
quote:Originally posted by ronin10:quote:Originally posted by Rowe:
A quick example: While in High school, the program "Martin" had just began its first season, and somehow, our class got on the topic of the female characters ("Gina" and "Pam") being played by actresses Tisha Campbell and Tashina Arnold. One of the boys in the class raved about how "ugly" he thought the character Pam was compared to Gina. My geomtry teacher, a African-American woman, who sported a natural, told him that if you saw Pam walking down the halls of this high school, every dude in here would be after her. She said the problem is the entertainment industry inflates the viewers standards of what is beautiful.
Pam is hotter than Gina.
quote:Originally posted by Frenchy:
..."what makes you think you deserve to date one of those guys" and blahblahblah.
quote:Originally posted by Frenchy:
You guys are all completely missing the point of qty's post (and all the others posts like hers that have come before). Do none of you see the disparity between the two standards she pointed out? It doesn't strike any of you as ODD that it is fine and even considered "rational" for a Black man to want the best looking woman available ("Who wouldn't choose a video girl over a 200 lb woman?" was the gist of the quote, I believe), but a Black woman is immediately scolded (as we see from the posts immediately following qty's post) for wanting anything "too fancy." She must be open to the buck-toothed, hump-backed janitor, but it's "just common sense" for the Black man to only want the Halle Berry and Beyonce look-a-likes. All of that was lost on you all?
The point is NOT that "janitors aint shit" or however else things were apparently interpreted. It's the double standard.
quote:Originally posted by Frenchy:
I'm only saying that there is such a thing as the "cream of the crop" and that is what I am referring to when I talk about each gender being allowed to pursue "the best" freely without being admonished to settle for something less.
quote:Originally posted by Huey:Please, can a woman be a librarian, a "brainiac" and be hot AT THE SAME TIME?!!
quote:Originally posted by HonestBrother:quote:Originally posted by Frenchy:
I'm only saying that there is such a thing as the "cream of the crop" and that is what I am referring to when I talk about each gender being allowed to pursue "the best" freely without being admonished to settle for something less.
You keep waffling here. Are you saying that you want to be able to fantasize about getting these men or are you honest to goodness really wanting the right to hold out for the status-symbol-trophy-husband? Fantasies are free.
And you have the right do hold out for whatever you want anyway. If that's what you're about then you just have to ignore what people say. But if what you're really saying is that this what to shoot for then I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for what I'm about to say. But the women who pine after these status-symbol-trophy-husbands-Lamborghini men (Denzel, Doctor, Lawyer types) then complain that "there are no men" when they can't find one DESERVE to be single.
I get sick of women who make like the only choices are between a doctor and a fast food worker. There are many professional men. Many men who go to college. Who are going somewhere. And who are single because they ain't no damn 6 figure earning Doctor. It's either you're earning 6 figures or you a broke nigger. It's unrealistic. Not only that but it shoves us men into rigid stereotypes and is an insult to anybody who is a STRIVER but doesn't pursue a mere handful of career paths. What about your black artists? Sculptors? Writers? Painters? Engineers? Accountants? Scholars? Dentists? Community Activists? We have some of those you know? These aren't cream of the crop? And they're deserving men.
Its unrealistic even if you were a white woman to hold out for a Doctor. It's even more unrealistic for black women given the numbers. I know I'll get hate. But dammit its true.
And you can complain about a double standard all you want but I don't hear the guys belly aching about there not being any women ... There are a ton of women. They just have awful attitudes.
Now let the hatin' begin....
quote:Originally posted by HonestBrother:quote:Originally posted by Frenchy:
I'm only saying that there is such a thing as the "cream of the crop" and that is what I am referring to when I talk about each gender being allowed to pursue "the best" freely without being admonished to settle for something less.
You keep waffling here. Are you saying that you want to be able to fantasize about getting these men or are you honest to goodness really wanting the right to hold out for the status-symbol-trophy-husband? Fantasies are free.
And you have the right do hold out for whatever you want anyway. If that's what you're about then you just have to ignore what people say. But if what you're really saying is that this what to shoot for then I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for what I'm about to say. But the women who pine after these status-symbol-trophy-husbands-Lamborghini men (Denzel, Doctor, Lawyer types) then complain that "there are no men" when they can't find one DESERVE to be single.
I get sick of women who make like the only choices are between a doctor and a fast food worker. There are many professional men. Many men who go to college. Who are going somewhere. And who are single because they ain't no damn 6 figure earning Doctor. It's either you're earning 6 figures or you a broke nigger. It's unrealistic. Not only that but it shoves us men into rigid stereotypes and is an insult to anybody who is a STRIVER but doesn't pursue a mere handful of career paths. What about your black artists? Sculptors? Writers? Painters? Engineers? Accountants? Scholars? Dentists? Community Activists? We have some of those you know? These aren't cream of the crop? And they're deserving men.
Its unrealistic even if you were a white woman to hold out for a Doctor. It's even more unrealistic for black women given the numbers. I know I'll get hate. But dammit its true.
And you can complain about a double standard all you want but I don't hear the guys belly aching about there not being any women ... There are a ton of women. They just have awful attitudes.
Now let the hatin' begin....
quote:Originally posted by Sweetwuzzy:
I agree with you. Some women seem to put men into two categories. This is only going to lead to women being lonley due to excessively high standards.
quote:Originally posted by qty226:quote:Originally posted by Huey:Please, can a woman be a librarian, a "brainiac" and be hot AT THE SAME TIME?!!
Are you saying.......that you've never seen this before?
quote:Originally posted by AudioGuy:
*I know I'm gonna "catch it" for this, but...*
I think that by virtue of the fact that there more women than there are men, limits the choices of women severely... If a woman is then "holding out" for a "Denzel the doctor" does that really make sense??
quote:I also think, based upon my observation - however limited it may be, that a man will date/marry a woman regardless of her station in life... she could be working on the fryer at Mickey D's, but if she's cute she has almost as good a shot at getting a mate as a sister with a phd.
quote:Let a brother say "I'm in charge of the fries at Mickey D's" and see how far he gets - regardless of his looks!!
quote:So I say date who you want, but realize the limitations of your situations. (just call me JESSE)
quote:Originally posted by HonestBrother:
You keep waffling here.
quote:Are you saying that you want to be able to fantasize about getting these men or are you honest to goodness really wanting the right to hold out for the status-symbol-trophy-husband?
quote:But the women who pine after these status-symbol-trophy-husbands-Lamborghini men (Denzel, Doctor, Lawyer types) then complain that "there are no men" when they can't find one DESERVE to be single.
quote:I get sick of women who make like the only choices are between a doctor and a fast food worker.
quote:And you can complain about a double standard all you want but I don't hear the guys belly aching about there not being any women ... There are a ton of women. They just have awful attitudes.
quote:
Scenario A
Man: I want to date a woman who's pretty and has a six-figure job.
Society: Go head!
quote:
But the women who pine after these status-symbol-trophy-husbands-Lamborghini men (Denzel, Doctor, Lawyer types) then complain that "there are no men" when they can't find one DESERVE to be single.