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quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
What about your black artists? Sculptors? Writers? Painters? Engineers? Accountants? Scholars? Dentists? Community Activists? We have some of those you know? These aren't cream of the crop? And they're deserving men.


Have Black Women Gotten Out Of The Black Man's Reach?

Brother Honestbrother, Frenchy's argument is that whatever a woman's idea of a best pick is, she should be able to pursue such a man, if she so chooses. Whether her idea of a best pick is Denzel or Mr. T--that is her business. Women are not children that require special guidance or direction. Women are grown adults just as men are adults, responsible for making their own decisions.

Also, another explanation for why more women are demanding the right to be selective is that, traditionally, women didn't enjoy as much "independence" and "freedom" as they do today. Both men and women must accept, however, that times have dramatically changed. A woman no longer has to sit around and wait on whoever comes along that is willing to marry and create a life for her. Women can now develop standards and criteria as to what "types" of men they will accept and won't accept. And though some men will never admit it, this reality causes them great anxiety. They worry that women, particularly "super educated" Black women, are becoming too judgemental and unwilling to view the average Joe as acceptable partners.
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You are funny Ms. Rowe! You have attempted to guide & instruct the men here regarding our choices. You have attempted to tell us what we have to do be acceptable mates (more guiding!). Then you stop it off by posting:

quote:
...she should be able to pursue such a man if she so chooses, whether that be a Denzel or whomever--that is her business. Women are not children that require guidance or direction. Women are grown adults just as men are adults, responsible for making their own decisions.

Pot. Kettle. Black. lol
We understand the argument, but like I mentioned a few pages back, it sets up a catch-22. Develop whatever criteria you like, but don't blame us for the results of setting your criteria. Judging by some of the threads here, we are being convicted with flimsy evidence! laugh Does my friend at the Ford plant get no love? Do you even listen to him long enough to know he's a poet, mentor, and entrepreneur? That's a real brother I know, ready to get married & start a family. But because he's not in the "ideal package" today, he's still single. No lady here has explained (and the question has been asked multiple times, across multiple threads!) what does career choice or education have to do with being an ideal mate. Is a brother ignorant if he does not have a degree? Is a brother not worthwhile without a high-status career? How do know that the "Average Joe" doesn't have the core values & personality traits to make you happy?

P.S. Substance is more difficult to find in a mate, whether you're a man or woman. HonestBrother, relax. Sooner or later, some of the ladies will realize that you (and brothers like you) are keepers. Unfortunately, some of them will realize it right around the time you are no longer available! tfro Keep ya' head up!
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quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
Have Black Women Gotten Out Of The Black Man's Reach?

Brother Honestbrother, Frenchy's argument is that whatever a woman's idea of a best pick is, she should be able to pursue such a man, if she so chooses. Whether her idea of a best pick is Denzel or Mr. T--that is her business. Women are not children that require special guidance or direction. Women are grown adults just as men are adults, responsible for making their own decisions.


Rowe, Frenchy is a grown adult who didn't say any of this. So why put words into her mouth? Second, hasn't someone been trying to instruct other people on what female beauty is?

We men contribute to the discussion because we're the ones who get acid stomach listening to the NEVER ENDING COMPLAINTS FROM BLACK WOMEN about how there are no men.
On that subject, didn't I just read a post in A Sista's Spot explaining that black men who desire white women do so because they despise black beauty?

As much as I want to be Afrocentric and agree wholeheartedly with the article, I have to say that at least some of us are with white women because we can't find black beauty.

My brother for example who is only an inch shorter than me and I'm 5'9" got tired of black women telling him he was too short. So he dates Asian women. They don't expect men to be taller than 6 feet.

YES. Date whoever you want. But you Sistas don't seem to realize that we as a group are on the verge of a severe crisis. Ya'll need to stop the belly aching and the nit-picking. It really is excessive. For real.

Yes men too can have unrealistic expectations of women. But you don't CONSTANTLY read and hear about them griping because they can't find big booty or whatever the crap it is.
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
off Do you find it funny that it's usually a sister 5'5" and under that wants a 6 foot+ brother? Even with the tallest heels, they'll still be a few inches shorter! laugh Maybe they're hoping the tall brother's genes will offset their shorty genes when it's time to have children... lol

Night, night all hat


YES! If you read the personals ads online, you see 5'2" women asserting their right to a 6' tall man or taller. This is common.

Ladies, the nitpicking has to stop. It's becoming absurd. lol
I just dont get it.......

HB........Your brother date asians, because hes 5'8, and cant find a black beauty, that likes men that are 5'8? lol

Ok....sorry for laughing!!!!

Im realizing that brothers are the ones with the issues. Like i mentioned before....

"Shes too dark, too fat, too skinny, nappy hair"

We are not on a verge of a severe crisis......because a lot of 'these' same black women have, decided to do other things. We are simply following your lead.

You are not going to settle.....and neither are we.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I just dont get it.......

HB........Your brother date asians, because hes 5'8, and cant find a black beauty, that likes men that are 5'8? lol

Ok....sorry for laughing!!!!

Im realizing that brothers are the ones with the issues. Like i mentioned before....

"Shes too dark, too fat, too skinny, nappy hair"



Did any God damned body say anything like that? Did you hear me say anything like that?????

You sisters are just committed to believing that you're the ONLY victims among us.

NOOOOOOOO, It can NEVER EVER EVER be the case that a black woman makes a f*cked up decision. You give examples and people come rushing out of the woodwork to rationalize stupid behavior.

You all LECTURE US on what we should find beautiful. And I was even open to that. Then you can't take a lecture yourselves.

That's alright. I'm DONE. Pass my white woman.

Ya'll are so deaf, hardheaded, and insensitive when it comes to someone else's feelings....
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I just dont get it.......

HB........Your brother date asians, because hes 5'8, and cant find a black beauty, that likes men that are 5'8? lol


For your information. That's true. And it's not funny. IT IS NOT FUNNY. It doesn't matter that there's a black woman out there who might like him. If you get stiffed enough times you give up.

MEN HAVE FUCKING FEELINGS TOO
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
I just dont get it.......

HB........Your brother date asians, because hes 5'8, and cant find a black beauty, that likes men that are 5'8? lol


For your information. That's true. And it's not funny. IT IS NOT FUNNY. It doesn't matter that there's a black woman out there who might like him. If you get stiffed enough times you give up.

MEN HAVE FUCKING FEELINGS TOO




So we all get stiffed...........i get stiffed because im dark skinned, but im told to settle, and grab a janitor.

Your brother gets stiffed because of his height.......and he moves on to asian women. (knowing that there are tons of black women.....that could careless about his height.............but hes looking for a black beauty, therefore he will never settle).

As the article brought out.....YOU men over look the average sista, because of her weight, etc.........and then want to complain.

But black women, have to settle.

HB i know men have feelings, but i personally feel that men can have their pick, there are tons of women out here.

You men just keep picking the same women.....over and over again. (looking for that black beauty)

Women have feelings as well, and to tell me to find a janitor, just to have a man......is just not fair.


Ohh and one more thing.........im 5'8, without heels. I was willing to date a man that was 5'6, but things didnt work out.

So yes........there are times, when i over look certain things.........but dont tell me that my future is dim, because i wont pick a janitor.
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
You are not going to settle.....and neither are we.


You don't want to "settle" for
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
What about your black artists? Sculptors? Writers? Painters? Engineers? Accountants? Scholars? Dentists? Community Activists? We have some of those you know? These aren't cream of the crop? And they're deserving men.


or for
quote:

Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Here's a list of people who probably do NOT earn 6 figures or a comparable salary

Albert Einstein
Add almost any college professor to this list -(even many at Ivy League Schools)
Most teachers/administrators in junior colleges
Teachers in elementary and secondary education
Most people in literature or the arts.
Etc. I could go on if a really tried but I have a life

But my point is not that women need to "lower" their vision. They need to broaden/expand their vision.


????????????????????

Fine. Then don't "settle". Oh I forgot Frenchy's wisdom:

quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
The standards are what they are. The "cream" is what it is. Why do you give a shit what we consider the best to be unless you want us to change it BY LOWERING IT TO INCLUDE YOU AND YOUR PEERS? Isn't that your gripe? The cut-off is too high for your liking? Why should women give a shit what is to your liking with respect to the mates we choose??


OK. I've had enough black woman AAA (Awful Ass Attitude) to last a lifetime. Ya'll can get the f*ck on and explore your options.

Don't settle.

giveup
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
because i wont pick a janitor.


HOW MUCH TIME DID I JUST SPEND DISCUSSING OPTIONS BESIDES JANITORS?

qty226, you don't know me personally, who I've chosen to date. My personal history might surprise you. I resent being lumped in with "YOU MEN" and being told about who I've rejected and why. Because you don't know.
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
because i wont pick a janitor.


HOW MUCH TIME DID I JUST SPEND DISCUSSING OPTIONS BESIDES JANITORS?

qty226, you don't know me personally, who I've chosen to date. My personal history might surprise you. I resent being lumped in with "YOU MEN" and being told about who I've rejected and why. Because you don't know.



Damn HB........i was using a janitor, as a point of reference.

Im going to law school.....that doesnt mean, im looking to marry/date a doctor, lawyer etc.............i do know that there are tons of decent black men, in other professions. But let that be my choice.......

To tell a black woman, that she should only EXPECT, this or that, because we cant do any better.....is disheartening.

I didnt say YOU said anything.........

Im not trying to lump you with other men.......im just trying to express myself, and i dont want you to take this personally....

OK?
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
No lady here has explained (and the question has been asked multiple times, across multiple threads!) what does career choice or education have to do with being an ideal mate. Is a brother ignorant if he does not have a degree? Is a brother not worthwhile without a high-status career? How do know that the "Average Joe" doesn't have the core values & personality traits to make you happy?



I don't think they can answer those questions without sounding like a golddigger. I think what the women here are missing from the man's posting is the women are unwilling to 'grow with a brother'. That's why you see so many Black men in the military ranks [...among the most underpaid citizens in our society] married to other races. Those brides are willing to go up the 'rough side of the mountain' with a brother. ...that says alot about their character.
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
That's why you see so many Black men in the military ranks [...among the most underpaid citizens in our society] married to other races. Those brides are willing to go up the 'rough side of the mountain' with a brother. ...that says alot about their character.




Men in the military, have the highest infidelity rates!

*keep shooting yourself in the foot*


Whatever.....im done with this!! Big Grin
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
That's why you see so many Black men in the military ranks [...among the most underpaid citizens in our society] married to other races. Those brides are willing to go up the 'rough side of the mountain' with a brother. ...that says alot about their character.




Men in the military, have the highest infidelity rates!

*keep shooting yourself in the foot*


Whatever.....im done with this!! Big Grin


where is the proof? Confused

is the rate higher than Professional athletes? Are Black women willing to be married toa cheater if the money is right? I thought there was a man shortage? are you sure this isn't gold digging??
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quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:

I don't think they can answer those questions without sounding like a golddigger. I think what the women here are missing from the man's posting is the women are unwilling to 'grow with a brother'. ... Those brides are willing to go up the 'rough side of the mountain' with a brother. ...that says alot about their character.


DING, DING, DING - We have another winner. I've expressed this in other threads. Everybody can't get the instant dream life (add perfect man/woman & stir Big Grin). Yes, it happens, but it's not the norm. Did anybody really read that Ruby Dee quote:

quote:
Ruby: "How to ride the rough waves in a relation long enough for the waters to get calm? When does it sink in that overcoming difficult times gets easier with practice? How do you drag some of the good feelings, good times vibrations into the stormy places? To love someone long and deep is a "consummation devoutly to be wished"!... It is day by day, one step at a time. It may not mean two bathrooms, but just some space, some privacy, some area to be alone. ...Unlike the wedding event, that takes place in a day, marriage is a long process that goes on at some level every day for the rest of your life....We have to learn how to live together... I thought I loved you, Ossie, when we got married, but as I see now, I was only in the kindergarten of the proposition. To arrive at love is like working on a double doctorate in the subject of Life." Source: joint biography, pages 430-431

Ruby: "It takes a long time to really be married. One marries many times at many levels within that marriage. If you have more marriages than you have divorces within the marriage, you're lucky and you stick it out." Source: First UU Church of Wausau

Ruby: "A trustworthy marriage has weathered temptation and anger and jealousy, resentment, self-righteousness and a little bit of selfishness. When you get over and get through that, then maybe you can see the light to love." Source: Ossie and Ruby: Is This the Love Affair of the Century? Ebony, 2/99


To me, it's about knowing that things will never be perfect. It's about finding someone you're willing to love & argue with. It's about allowing yourself & your partner to evolve. It's not about picking a ready made package off the shelf. Thanks again for those quotes HB!

I've seen qty226 say that she would like to find a serious partner, even while pursuing a law degree. That man will have to compromise, sacrifice, and grow with her if they are to have long-term success. Perhaps that blue collar man today is the Ph.D tomorrow like HonestBrother. He needs someone willing to grow with him too!

I know it's tough HB - you raise sincere, valid points, only to have them discarded or ignored because you're a man. Stiffen that chin like me & Raheem! tfro

P.S. qty226 - you might really need to leave Tampa! I know plenty of young brothers that would dig a sister like you. Sounds like your environment has you jaded... Frown

P.P.S. I think sometimes women do forget men have feelings as well. If you're too sensitive, you're soft or a punk (Even though sensitivity is supposed to be in lol). Couple that with the tendency of some women to always push the envelope of what they will say to a man and you have the tension present in this thread.
Lawd oh Lawd!

People ask me why I don't display much (if any) emotion when I'm in relationships and this thread is why. lol

Rationality folks, rationality. No one (well most no ones) wants someone they "have to carry". Thats a given. If you want a Denzel/Halle, go for it. But if Denzel/Halle don't want you back, suck it up and move on (or keep trying and get your heart broke again). Same goes for the average brother/sister. But one thing I've learned is this. Nothing will change. We are too set in our ways. If you see that man/woman with someone of another race, LET THAT SHIT GO!I dont have the time nor the energy to worry about someone I'm NOT FUCKING!If God/fate/karma/Shiva, determines you are going to be alone, you're going to be alone. Screw swimming against the tide. Shit, after all the battles about who's right, who's wrong, who should be with whom, we should'nt "be" with anybody. Relationships suck and mankind in general needs to die off and some other form of life take over.

*To the world....Yeah the old "heartless, emotionless" Gambit is back and this time I'm fucking staying. I don't want and don't need emotions clouding any future relationship I might get into. Fuck love, give me logic*

I'm out.....................
You Sistas want to be The Mothers of Civilization? Well it takes more than Denzels and Doctors to have civilization. It takes:

black artists
Sculptors
Writers
Painters
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS
Engineers
Accountants
Scholars
Dentists
Community Activists
Albert Einsteins
college professors
JANITORS
SOCIAL WORKERS
teachers/administrators in junior colleges
Teachers in elementary and secondary education
people in literature and the arts
Etc. Etc.

to have a civilization.
I.e., PUT UP OR SHUT UP!
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quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
That's alright. I'm DONE. Pass my white woman.


Don't run in that direction too fast HB. You'll get this same kind of crap from white women. Trust me! Big Grin From the lightest vanilla to the darkest chocolate, they're still women. They'll always be women, just like we'll always be men.

I'm guessing the answer is to de-code all of this language. But, no matter how many times I read back over this thread, I just can't pinpoint the moment when we all stopped speaking and hearing English. But one thing is certain. When ever that was, that's when it went from being a conversation to being a vendetta. We've been beating on each other ever since to no avail.

Maybe it's time to call a truce...
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
That's alright. I'm DONE. Pass my white woman.


Don't run in that direction too fast HB. You'll get this same kind of crap from white women. Trust me! Big Grin From the lightest vanilla to the darkest chocolate, they're still women. They'll always be women, just like we'll always be men.


As someone who has dated on both sides of the racial fence, I'll be the judge of where it's best to take my chances Big Grin
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
*To the world....Yeah the old "heartless, emotionless" Gambit is back and this time I'm fucking staying. I don't want and don't need emotions clouding any future relationship I might get into. Fuck love, give me logic*

I'm out.....................


Such cynicism coming from a face Soooo CUUUUTE. lol

Gambit, I love it when you join a discussion because your daughter's face brightens my day.
quote:




Dammit HB......you are so wrong for this. Frown

I never said this.......and i would never say this about black men. (well, maybe some.. sad)

I honestly love black men, but when you dont listen.....it pisses me off. (and yes, i know you feel the same.)

I dont have a problem with a blue collar brother....working hard to make ends meet. I've often said in my posts, that i look for other things, besides what he does for a living. Im working now, so that i can be an asset to him and my future children.

Im not a complete idiot.........i realize that i have had opportunities, that most black men will never have. I would never just turn my back on a black man, that i adore.......because of what he does for a living.

But i dislike it when im 'told' that i should look for a specific person, because thats the best that i can do...

My only other problem is, that most men look for that 'black beauty'....and a sista sometimes never gets to open her mouth.....before she is discounted. (just because of her looks)

What else do you want me to say.......i really dont think im being unreasonable. Frown

But your comments......made my tummy ache. sad
quote:
You have attempted to guide & instruct the men here regarding our choices. You have attempted to tell us what we have to do be acceptable mates.


"A Black Woman Desires Either Thugs or Ballers--WRONG!!!"

Again, I haven't instructed anyone on how to do anything. What I have done, however, was to provide on the Sistas Spot (a forum that has been specifically designed to host discussions of interest to women) photos that are alternative to the tasteless photos being posted in The Den--I thought the Sistas would appreciate seeing more dignified images of Black women, and more importantly, images of women with which they can more readily identify. Thus, those images were posted to show others the type of women that I (emphasis on I) find attractive, not to provide any specific instruction on how to pick women.

quote:
Develop whatever criteria you like, but don't blame us for the results of setting your criteria.


Brother, why must you automatically jump to the conclusion that the results will be unfavorable? Do you think that it is impossible for a woman to eventually find herself an adequate partner until she has been blessed with a man's opinion? Moreover, you seem to find satisfaction in believing making poor choices is something that is unique to women, specifically Black women. However, making poor choices is not something that only women do, it is something that ALL OF US have done (you included). Yes, men are also guilty of choosing women for shallow reasons. Do you think Donald Trump, for example, married Melania Knauss because of her brains and intellect??? Not likely. He married this woman because she is young and beautiful. And when her youth expires, she will be replaced for the same shallow reasons that all of his other wives have been replaced. Some may describe Trump's mate selection as making "poor choices," but ultimately, it is his life to live, not ours.

quote:
Does my friend at the Ford plant get no love? Do you even listen to him long enough to know he's a poet, mentor, and entrepreneur? That's a real brother I know, ready to get married & start a family.


I'm beginning to see why Sister Frenchy and others have abandoned this discussion. No one is making the argument that the men you've described are not "keepers" or worthy of love. Frenchy has not even discussed what her criteria is! In fact, no woman in this forum has yet to tell you that she values any of the type of men that you and Honestbrother have spent the last few pages accusing us of valuing. Therefore, your characterizations of her ideal man are largely based on stereotypes and generalizations, and applying these generalizations to her and any other Black woman on this site is unfair.
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quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
My brother for example who is only an inch shorter than me and I'm 5'9" got tired of black women telling him he was too short. So he dates Asian women. They don't expect men to be taller than 6 feet.


Then your brother needs to make "better choices." Wink Seriously though, Honestbrother, if your brother has been more successful dating Asian women, then I would encourage him to continue to do so.
Here's a helpful hint - If you see a thread in the Den started by RadioRaheem and you click it and pictures start to come up, click your Back button and leave the thread! You probably don't want to see what's in there!

Have you castigated the thread starter of Eye Candy in A Sista's Spot? If I or other men here think those photos are tasteless, should we post pictures to counter that? Most of us would say NO - Know why? We don't care - It's your fantasy. Look at whomever you like, posed however. Most importantly, we are not threatened by the images. We (Men at AA.org) know the images in the Den do not represent reality. The images must make you very uncomfortable, because you've lead the counter campaign. At least be honest like RadioRaheem. He owns up to posting some of the pictures just to elicit a rise out some of the members here (pun intended & unintended Wink ) and to make a point.

I never assumed the results would be unfavorable - that is your projection. I said don't blame us for the results. If you go fishing for salmon in a trout pond, it's not the trout's fault if you come home empty-handed. Search the threads here about the "man shortage". Read the content of posts from the ladies. Clearly, a criteria has been set & has not been met in the eyes of the ladies. Men have standards as well, we just don't gripe as much about our dating challenges. We don't gripe as much about our poor choices either. IF the men we described are keepers, why is there a "man shortage"? Because the criteria set is excluding them, that's why.

Your sisters have abandoned the discussion because they don't want to hear what we're saying. It's easier for it just to be our fault. That assessment requires no self-reflection. Did you read that Ruby Dee quote? That's what we want from our women.
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
I'm beginning to see why Sister Frenchy and others have abandoned this discussion. No one is making the argument that the men you've described are not "keepers" or worthy of love. Frenchy has not even discussed what her criteria is! In fact, no woman in this forum has yet to tell you that she values any of the type of men that you and Honestbrother have spent the last few pages accusing us of valuing. Therefore, your characterizations of her ideal man are largely based on stereotypes and generalizations, and applying these generalizations to her and any other Black woman on this site is unfair.


Rowe, You are VERY correct here. No one gave any criteria . But if you noticed I did try to tease her (Frenchy's) criteria out of her. Maybe I did a poor job. But I would have loved to know her criteria.

What I found most interesting is that NO ONE - except Art Gurl - denied the criteria I was perhaps falsely imputing. That's what I was waiting for. A plausible denial. Frenchy went so far as to explicitly state that ALL the examples I gave were beneath her - I was a little shocked actually. What I got instead of a denial was people reinforcing with their own words the opposition between janitors and high status "cream". That made me think I was on to something.

So you ladies can give a lecture but you can't take one? Wink
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Rowe, the ONLY person to say "Wait a minute, I like some of these men" was Art Gurl. Don't you sistas in any way find that embarrassing?

I very much suspect that some of you ladies (who shall remain unnamed) are not being honest with yourselves or with us.

Once again, the whole point was to try to ascertain what the standards were and the imputed standards were never completely denied.

But of course, you're completely free to have whatever standards you want....
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Ahem... HonestBro... just a minute huh?
Please don't use me as a barb against the sistas on this site or what you think they want, blah blah.

We women all want different things - we are NOT monolithic. The common human desire is to find a mate, a companion, love, intimacy, friendship, etc. ideally a happy mix of all these things in one partner.

That I want a creative, artistic (let's not forget sensual and sexy as well, lol) guy is just what I want. Like I said a lot of other women want that too. But that kind of guy doesn't float every woman's boat. Why should any other woman want the same as what I want? And dammed if they do there's enough competition already, lol laugh

It doesn't matter if he is a janitor, a rubbish collector or the Dean in a university, if he is cute, sensitive, faithful, smart, loving guy, women's radar will FIND HIM!

No matter what attributes or incomes are on the male or female 'desirable mate' checklist, fate tends to jumble it all up and you meet infinite possibilities for relationships. There's a difference between opportunities and making a choices. Realistically, even the most cerebral and poetic garbage collector is unlikely to 'bump into' a sista with a PhD unless he is at that poetry spoken word night and the sista is there to listen to poetry. And I think the conversation will have been bubbling along a little while before any mention of PhD's and careers.
JMHO.
I'm not using you as a barb. I'm sorry if you feel that way because that was not my intention. Yes I do realize that different people want different things and won't necessarily be attracted to the same types. But the point I'm trying to make is that YOU, Art Gurl, ARE THE ONLY ONE AMONG THE WOMEN stepping forth to make these finer distinctions. The only one expressing a positive desire for ANY of the examples I gave. And I'm trying to figure out what to make of it. I have a hard time believing it to be insignificant and not worth commenting on. Perhaps you are simply more mature and in touch with yourself? Wink
lol now you are using charm as a 'weapon'! Wink

No I do understand the sistas frustrations. I have my own living here, lol - but we better not go there or I'll get into all sorts of trouble. Real and imagined. Big Grin

I think women here truly are trying to answer your question. Far be it for me to put words in their mouth. But the good thing is they are talking about it - and you guys are responding. So whether there is a bit of drama or not is in fact GOOD coz you are both chipping away at it. It being communicating. Smile

I think we are all a mix of reality and fantasy. My reality is that I want a man smart enough that I can learn from, and emotionally intelligent enough not to see every discussion as a contest. My fantasy is a Dijmon-artist-type guy lol lol who would probably have an ego the size of North America, and therefore make me miserable. Wink
What would happen if all our preconceptions were real? It would be a boring planet. We need surprises... poetic janitors, doctors with macabre humour, engineers who stargaze.... Smile
.
.
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Rowe, the ONLY person to say "Wait a minute, I like some of these men" was Art Gurl. Don't you sistas in any way find that embarrassing?





HUH??????

What are you implying.......???

Why dont you just leave the sistas alone...........since we should be embarrassed!



Yanno....im done, i'll comment no more on this BS!!!
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Rowe, the ONLY person to say "Wait a minute, I like some of these men" was Art Gurl. Don't you sistas in any way find that embarrassing?




HUH??????

What are you implying.......???

Why dont you just leave the sistas alone...........since we should be embarrassed!



Yanno....im done, i'll comment no more on this BS!!!

It's not too late for a denial ya know...

Embarrassed that there are brilliant and ambitious young black men (artists, writers, scholars, etc.) that none of you sistas saw fit to step up to the plate and claim as your own when I dangled that out as a possibility...

That's BS????
Ok Frenchy...as usual I will be the sole voice to agree with your statement that there is a double standard. And as you have said, we are talking about WHAT IS

For example:

Woman has sex with lots of me = whore
Man has sex with lots of women = stud

I saw a report that said that men and women's have different brain so women look at things in the long term were as men look at the short term. I think we often forget we are creatures of nature. I'm not trying to make an excuse for this behavior but just trying to better understand it.

It was said that men don't care about certain aspects of women i.e. their careers, education etc. And I would say that men should take these things into consideration. But looks are a first priority for a lot of men...and sometimes the only priority.

But in one post it, and as I said earlier, this is a natural thing. Do or should we expect men and women to look at things in the same manner? Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.

In my view, it appears that men don't have but need to have better and more mature criteria for choosing a mate also.

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