How Not To Date A Black Man

By Darryl James


The young lady was cute and I could see from the other side of the room that she was checking me out. I was working the crowd at the business mixer and was already headed her way.

As I approached the table where she and her friends were sitting, she smiled and beckoned me over. Of course, I complied. She was assertive, not aggressive and I appreciated that.

We exchanged light conversation and then exchanged numbers. It was looking pretty good. She expressed a desire to get together at a later date.

Our conversation that night was encouraging. She talked about wanting to date an educated gentleman. I assured her I was one. I talked about wanting to date a nice, smart confident young lady and she assured me she was one.

I called her the next day and left a message. She called me back two days later, which wasn't a problem when she explained that she was out of town.

Our second conversation started off well. She wanted to get to know me and began asking what I like. I asked the same of her and was feeling pretty good until she went there.

She began to express some negative sentiments about Black men.

I didn't see it coming, but sadly, I was prepared. I stay ready because like all too many Black men, I frequently hear negativity about Black men from Black women.

The question is asked: "If you hear these things frequently, doesn't that mean they ring of truth?" Well, the answer is the same as when white racists speak of Black men and women in the negative: "Just because something is popular does not mean that it is either true or good."

McDonald's is popular, but anyone who cares about their health realizes that it's popularity doesn't mean that it is good for the body.

Negativity is no different.

But I digress.

The lady wanted me to explain why "most" Black men prefer white women. Before I could explain how silly that question was, she wanted me to explain why "more" Black men are having secret sex with other men and spreading AIDS to Black women.

I knew we were done. And I knew how to end it before it started.

I began by introducing something that those conversations rarely feature: Truth.

Regarding the Black man's alleged preference for white women, I informed her that in any television show, magazine or newspaper article, Black men are rarely quoted on their preference for dating white women over Black women. The white women we supposedly prefer are rarely quoted, and further, there are NEVER any studies, surveys or any other research presented.

The whole "down low" silliness suffers from the same failings.

Sadly, even after getting her to admit that there was no factual basis for her negative rhetoric about Black men, she still refused to let go. She insisted that since many of her friends held the same beliefs, that they must have validity.

I went straight to the chase. I asked her why she was interested in dating a Black man, since she obviously held very little hope for finding a good one. I sincerely wanted to know. I also needed to know what result she expected from telling a Black man how horrible Black men are.

Her answer? She wanted me to prove to her that good Black men exist. My response? Too much work for what will more than likely be without reward. I won't prove to you that you are wrong if you are already convinced that you are right before I meet you, especially if I have to keep hearing how right you are.

The sad reality is that sisters who participate in the negativity campaign against Black men are in many cases, driving away the good brothers from their lives. How could you find a decent Black man, when you repel us by telling us up front how horrible we are?

This situation is a clear example of a relatively new movement that is ripping our already fragmented community apart. That movement is the proliferation of negative comments about Black men from Black women.

Too many Black women have a laundry list of complaints about the character (or lack thereof) of Black men.

Some are based on narrow personal experiences, but most are based on nothing more than innuendo, rampant whispering from woman to woman and oh yes, those magazines.

There is no productive discussion in such a case. No amount of convincing conversation or demonstration of a Black man's decency can diminish the negativity. It's as if the negative Black women feel good thinking bad things about Black men.

The ironic part is that the chief complaint of Black men (myself included) about Black women is that we are dogged out so viciously by them. We are tired of hearing about how "many" or "most" of us are doing something, just because these women see or hear about some of us doing something.

It is ripping our community apart, because it makes open communication nearly impossible. The scenario with the young lady I mentioned earlier is a clear case in point. No matter what I could say to her, she refused to even become open to the idea that the things she says about Black men are negative, destructive and just plain wrong.

The question has to be asked: How many Black women want to date a Black man who talks incessantly about how whorish, greedy and pregnant dogy Black women are? Do I need to provide the answer? Please give that some thought.

Black women, if you sincerely believe that Black men are choosing white women and other men over you, then you should stop attempting to date us. I can assure you that it won't work, so save us both the trouble. Please, step away from the Black man.

But for my sisters who still have faith in us, leave the negativity campaign for the girl's night out and approach us with hope, open dialogue with a positive, productive goal, concern for the future of Black relationships, and Black families. We have plenty to discuss outside of how horrible you may think we are and many of us are still hopeful about Black women.

It's really that simple. Avoid starting a relationship with negativity.

That's how to date a Black man.
------------------------------ Run with me or run from me...
Original Post
Most black men are dissatisfied so that goes for both... the solutions that black men come up with are usually to go to a woman of another race... to ignore the reasons that black women give for their frustrations and to whine through articles...

so... black men and women in America need to save themselves the trouble... why bicker? just leave each other the hell alone..

now you have die hard negative...
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
How Not To Date A Black Man

By Darryl James


The young lady was cute and I could see from the other side of the room that she was checking me out. I was working the crowd at the business mixer and was already headed her way.

As I approached the table where she and her friends were sitting, she smiled and beckoned me over. Of course, I complied. She was assertive, not aggressive and I appreciated that.

We exchanged light conversation and then exchanged numbers. It was looking pretty good. She expressed a desire to get together at a later date.

Our conversation that night was encouraging. She talked about wanting to date an educated gentleman. I assured her I was one. I talked about wanting to date a nice, smart confident young lady and she assured me she was one.

I called her the next day and left a message. She called me back two days later, which wasn't a problem when she explained that she was out of town.

Our second conversation started off well. She wanted to get to know me and began asking what I like. I asked the same of her and was feeling pretty good until she went there.

She began to express some negative sentiments about Black men.

I didn't see it coming, but sadly, I was prepared. I stay ready because like all too many Black men, I frequently hear negativity about Black men from Black women.

The question is asked: "If you hear these things frequently, doesn't that mean they ring of truth?" Well, the answer is the same as when white racists speak of Black men and women in the negative: "Just because something is popular does not mean that it is either true or good."

McDonald's is popular, but anyone who cares about their health realizes that it's popularity doesn't mean that it is good for the body.

Negativity is no different.

But I digress.

The lady wanted me to explain why "most" Black men prefer white women. Before I could explain how silly that question was, she wanted me to explain why "more" Black men are having secret sex with other men and spreading AIDS to Black women.

I knew we were done. And I knew how to end it before it started.

I began by introducing something that those conversations rarely feature: Truth.

Regarding the Black man's alleged preference for white women, I informed her that in any television show, magazine or newspaper article, Black men are rarely quoted on their preference for dating white women over Black women. The white women we supposedly prefer are rarely quoted, and further, there are NEVER any studies, surveys or any other research presented.

The whole "down low" silliness suffers from the same failings.

Sadly, even after getting her to admit that there was no factual basis for her negative rhetoric about Black men, she still refused to let go. She insisted that since many of her friends held the same beliefs, that they must have validity.

I went straight to the chase. I asked her why she was interested in dating a Black man, since she obviously held very little hope for finding a good one. I sincerely wanted to know. I also needed to know what result she expected from telling a Black man how horrible Black men are.

Her answer? She wanted me to prove to her that good Black men exist. My response? Too much work for what will more than likely be without reward. I won't prove to you that you are wrong if you are already convinced that you are right before I meet you, especially if I have to keep hearing how right you are.

The sad reality is that sisters who participate in the negativity campaign against Black men are in many cases, driving away the good brothers from their lives. How could you find a decent Black man, when you repel us by telling us up front how horrible we are?

This situation is a clear example of a relatively new movement that is ripping our already fragmented community apart. That movement is the proliferation of negative comments about Black men from Black women.

Too many Black women have a laundry list of complaints about the character (or lack thereof) of Black men.

Some are based on narrow personal experiences, but most are based on nothing more than innuendo, rampant whispering from woman to woman and oh yes, those magazines.

There is no productive discussion in such a case. No amount of convincing conversation or demonstration of a Black man's decency can diminish the negativity. It's as if the negative Black women feel good thinking bad things about Black men.

The ironic part is that the chief complaint of Black men (myself included) about Black women is that we are dogged out so viciously by them. We are tired of hearing about how "many" or "most" of us are doing something, just because these women see or hear about some of us doing something.

It is ripping our community apart, because it makes open communication nearly impossible. The scenario with the young lady I mentioned earlier is a clear case in point. No matter what I could say to her, she refused to even become open to the idea that the things she says about Black men are negative, destructive and just plain wrong.

The question has to be asked: How many Black women want to date a Black man who talks incessantly about how whorish, greedy and pregnant dogy Black women are? Do I need to provide the answer? Please give that some thought.

Black women, if you sincerely believe that Black men are choosing white women and other men over you, then you should stop attempting to date us. I can assure you that it won't work, so save us both the trouble. Please, step away from the Black man.

But for my sisters who still have faith in us, leave the negativity campaign for the girl's night out and approach us with hope, open dialogue with a positive, productive goal, concern for the future of Black relationships, and Black families. We have plenty to discuss outside of how horrible you may think we are and many of us are still hopeful about Black women.

It's really that simple. Avoid starting a relationship with negativity.

That's how to date a Black man.




"She began to express some negative sentiments about Black men."

Although both black men/women are feeling the same, i have to agree........that bringing this topic up, as you are trying to get to know a decent man, puts a cloud on the friendship.

There are so many other things to talk about...........
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:

"She began to express some negative sentiments about Black men."

Although both black men/women are feeling the same, i have to agree........that bringing this topic up, as you are trying to get to know a decent man, puts a cloud on the friendship.

There are so many other things to talk about...........


One thing you will NEVER EVER hear a brother do while he's on a first date with a sister is start a converstion on how black women are gold digging, materialistic bitches and ho's with unrealistic expectations in men and what not. It's often the case that sisters are the ones that have to initiate such a toxic, negative conversation.
quote:
She began to express some negative sentiments about Black men.

I didn't see it coming, but sadly, I was prepared. I stay ready because like all too many Black men, I frequently hear negativity about Black men from Black women.


In all of my years of dating I would have to say that almost half my first dates with sisters started out just like this. You can't blame it on me. My "vibes" didn't raise those sisters. My "little head" didn't cause these females to make poor decisions in the guys they chose to date in their past. Both black men and black women need to improve their social skills and that's the bottom line. But seeing as I've gone to great lengths in my life to be a better man and a better individual I can say from experience that it's long since been time for many sisters to start towing their line instead of resting on excuses not to improve.
Wait a minute, I was a "geek" myself. Can a geek female be intelligent, yet look like a "fly girl?" Can she be both? I'm a reformed geek, yet I think I'm a hottie. I've seen what some of the women date in my town, and it's not good.

I'm sick of this mentality that all geeks have to look like a car wreck. That's the reason why "Beauty & The Geek" is a hit show. When the geeks get a makeover, people realize that they're not really hobgoblins. From Steve Urkel to Stefan Urquelle.
quote:
Originally posted by ATPWordPro:
Sheesh, where are you guys meeting these women?

Maybe you all should stay away from the "fly girls" and check out us "geeks". flowers We'd rather discuss the latest gadgets than all that other stuff. 1


This is the same type of biased attitude many of you black women have in regards to relationships. When you females whine and complain about the men you've encountered everyone is supposed to understand and feel sorry for you and simultaneously dog the brothers. But if a brother has the same legitimate gripe, then it's "Damn where do you meet these women" and "You're always chasing after the pretty girls instead of the women of substance" along with a mountain of other lame ass excuses in an attempt to distract away from the fact that many black women need to improve their social interaction skills.
Um, first of all, I was being facetious when I used the term, "fly girls" and "geeks".

Second, apparently some of you have filters in place that translate "fly girl" to cute and "geek" to ugly. I don't have such filters and you should have not made such assumptions.

Maybe the levity went over you heads, but I will maintain that I, personally, have never done this. Nor do I associate with women that, to my knowledge, interact with men the way you describe, hence my question, in general, "where are you meeting these women".

Yes, the media says they exist. Faceless voices on a message board say they exist. I don't know any. You should be happy I gave you the benefit of the doubt that you weren't making it up and actually asked about your opinion and background. Next time I'll just spout out that you're full of shit and stomp off. Is that what you would rather have?

Damn, can't even ask questions to some people. Mad
quote:
Originally posted by ATPWordPro:
Um, first of all, I was being facetious when I used the term, "fly girls" and "geeks".

Second, apparently some of you have filters in place that translate "fly girl" to cute and "geek" to ugly. I don't have such filters and you should have not made such assumptions.

Maybe the levity went over you heads, but I will maintain that I, personally, have never done this. Nor do I associate with women that, to my knowledge, interact with men the way you describe, hence my question, in general, "where are you meeting these women".

Yes, the media says they exist. Faceless voices on a message board say they exist. I don't know any. You should be happy I gave you the benefit of the doubt that you weren't making it up and actually asked about your opinion and background. Next time I'll just spout out that you're full of shit and stomp off. Is that what you would rather have?

Damn, can't even ask questions to some people. Mad


But see that's just it - whether you ignore it, deny it or make a joke about it the issue will still exist. And by saying "I don't know any" you are in effect dismissing the issue at hand and that issue is even though there are some black women out there that have less than desirable traits they are still black women. Therefore, they need to improve their social skills just as these black men you women consider to be "dogs" and "players" do. Acknowledging the problem is part of reaching a solution. Black women pointing fingers at black men all the time yet being in denial and making excuses about their own shortcomings is definately the problem brothers like me face everyday.
quote:
Originally posted by Romulus Burnett:
quote:
Originally posted by ATPWordPro:
Um, first of all, I was being facetious when I used the term, "fly girls" and "geeks".

Second, apparently some of you have filters in place that translate "fly girl" to cute and "geek" to ugly. I don't have such filters and you should have not made such assumptions.

Maybe the levity went over you heads, but I will maintain that I, personally, have never done this. Nor do I associate with women that, to my knowledge, interact with men the way you describe, hence my question, in general, "where are you meeting these women".

Yes, the media says they exist. Faceless voices on a message board say they exist. I don't know any. You should be happy I gave you the benefit of the doubt that you weren't making it up and actually asked about your opinion and background. Next time I'll just spout out that you're full of shit and stomp off. Is that what you would rather have?

Damn, can't even ask questions to some people. Mad


But see that's just it - whether you ignore it, deny it or make a joke about it the issue will still exist. And by saying "I don't know any" you are in effect dismissing the issue at hand and that issue is even though there are some black women out there that have less than desirable traits they are still black women. Therefore, they need to improve their social skills just as these black men you women consider to be "dogs" and "players" do. Acknowledging the problem is part of reaching a solution. Black women pointing fingers at black men all the time yet being in denial and making excuses about their own shortcomings is definately the problem brothers like me face everyday.


On the contrary, me asking "where" and saying "I don't know any." is not dismissive, it's inquisitive.

And I don't engage in the "men are dogs, players, pimps, wife beaters, cheaters, homosexuals, bi-sexuals, ex-cons, infidels, and thugs" rhetoric either. So in a similar thread, I could just as easily ask the women, "where are you meeting these men". If you'll recall, I did suggest to one poster that if these were the type of men that she is constantly encountering, that she should relegate herself to the one environment where she already knows they don't exist. Or weren't you paying attention.

{bossy mode}Dammit, just get over here with my beer. I'm leaving early. Meet me at my house in 30 minutes.{/bossy mode}

Edit:
Never mind. I think I just remember that you may have said you are 30-something in another thread. I'm too old to invite you over. 7
quote:
Originally posted by Romulus Burnett:
Here's some salt and pepper. I farted. Does that mean y'all can smell it if y'all put y'alls noses close enough to your monitors? So how's ya mama?

http://www.howstuffworks.com/internet-odor1.htm

Creating a Virtual Stink
Can you imagine a world with no smells? Think of some of the smells that you would never be able to enjoy, like homemade cookies, flowers or that scent that follows a summer rain. Smell adds so much to our experiences. Of course, without smell there is also no taste, since our sense of taste is almost completely dependent on our sense of smell. This world without smell exists on the Internet -- but that is about to change. You will soon have your choice of two computer peripheral devices that will make your nose as involved in your Web experience as your eyes and ears. Let's take a look at these devices.
quote:
Originally posted by ZAKAR:
I hear its nothing but old white dudes there, lol

Well, what you "heard" and what I "saw" don't necessarily match.

I can't imagine a conscious brother such as yourself going to an adult resort anyhow. You may enjoy something like Couples or Sandals better.
Well, what you "heard" and what I "saw" don't necessarily match.

I can't imagine a conscious brother such as yourself going to an adult resort anyhow. You may enjoy something like Couples or Sandals better.


what were you doing there?? I have never been
but when i go to Jamaica this summer I will go where the people are not the tourist

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