How does one ...

See, here's what you should have done...

Just kiddn'...

I'm not a parent, so I'm sure it's too bad these posts don't have delete buttons you can click... But I feel like it's always useful to point out that the books they use in math, history, etc., don't have spelling errors, even though they're not English books. Every assignment written in English is an English assignment, because proper spelling & usage is how you get across what you're trying to get across.

Does she want better grades? Do u get the sense that she's frustrated about grades? Or do you think she honestly doesn't care?

I've also heard it said that the best think for a child in these kinds of situations is for the parent to make sure his concern is strictly for her, and not motivated by anything about you yourself. In other words, some parents see their kids' progress as a referendum on their parenting skills. While that may in fact be true, the best results come from examining your motives to make sure that's not what's actually driving your approach with them. I'm not sure how true that is, but it makes sense to me.

quote:

Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
provide constructive criticism to a 13 year old?

I have a daughter who is bright [she's in the gifted program], but is working [imho] no where near her potential. She gets "A"s in the BS courses, e.g., art, health, leadership, etc., and "B"s and "C"s in the core courses.

When I review her homework and attempt to correct errors, she says "well, that's not really that important", "They're not grading on spelling", "That's good enough." But after I told her that "good enough" was only "good enough" if it is your best work, now she just shuts down.

Does she like her school? Is it challenging enough? Do the teachers there know how to engage brilliant black children?

Is she beginning to have any ideas about what she wants to do as a career?

Does she hang with a group of girls whose more into boys and giggling and passing notes than actually learning in those classes?

is there anything that she's passionate about? photography? music? dance? killing small animals? *just kidding* art and health may not be "bs" courses if her passion lies in these areas. she may be a gifted artist or a brilliant surgeon...sublimated.

are her gifted classes actually providing any enrichment for her? ie, inspiring field trips to museums, companies, city hall, courts, etc, or talking with doctors/lawyers/bankers/politicians/sports figures about their lives and educational experiences...?

maybe an initial step can be (both parents) talking with all of her teachers and guidance counselors to get an impression of how she's doing and who she's interacting with, and what can be done to support her and give her a sense of working toward a goal...cause the impression given here is that she's just ambling along until school ends...


i would only add that at 13, estrogen is taking over that brain, and what was once your cute precious snaggle-toothed cherub is now an emotional hormone-dominated, tight-pants and tiger beat magazine-obsessed, big-boobed alien that sneaks red lipstick to school in its backpack...

keep this in mind and proceed carefully


just my .02

and thanks for your daddy efforts, from the sista collective, it is much appreciated

I think it might be helpful to engage her in conversation about her future. I say engage her because teens don't want to hear lectures, criticism or much of anything (for that matter) from parents and/or other adults. It's the teen-aged funk...*smile*

I say that as an educator and as a parent.


Perhaps you can begin dialogue on what high school she wants to attend and let her know about "competition" and how the habit of every crossed "t" and dotted "i" counts for overall/future success.

It's also not too early to talk about college - the fun, teams, clubs, dorm life.

Once you get her interested, sneak in the fact of "competition" - few slots for the large number of applicants (for both high school and particularly college).

Also, her "good habits" need to begin being developed now. But she won't go for that line, so lessons are better in the form of pictures, stories, humorous and engaging anecdotes (even if you make something up)...EXAMPLES that will have her think and come to her own decisions regarding setting her own standars even if their above her teachers's standards and striving for excellence.

i.e., How the hell did Barack Obama get into Harvard? And go on to become president?!

Perhaps she can draw her own conclusions about his work ethic.

Provide some examples to her of your standards for excellence in something as simple as cleaning, driving, your schooling...how you went above and beyond what was required and did or do things you don't absolutely need to or that no one would notice...

except YOU.

Not as a beating her over her head as to why she needs to do this or that better, but rather as general conversation from which she may gain ideas and information that she may choose to apply to her own habits, work and standards.

From my experience and observations, sometimes the plan with teens (intentional or unintentional) is to say up when we say down, and east when we say west. Going in an opposite direction is the name of the game.

With my son, sometimes I've had to sit down and think, "Okay, when I was a teen, how would I have reacted to this? or what would have worked for me?

Good Luck!

Parenting teens is so challenging in various aspects.

quote:

Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
provide constructive criticism to a 13 year old?

I have a daughter who is bright [she's in the gifted program], but is working [imho] no where near her potential. She gets "A"s in the BS courses, e.g., art, health, leadership, etc., and "B"s and "C"s in the core courses.

When I review her homework and attempt to correct errors, she says "well, that's not really that important", "They're not grading on spelling", "That's good enough." But after I told her that "good enough" was only "good enough" if it is your best work, now she just shuts down.

Brother Kweli, there is a difference between constructive criticism, which builds and supports a child's academic development and destructive criticism, which tears down and stifles a child's academic development. Acknowledge and praise your daughter for her success in the courses that she enjoys. Knowing how much you love and approve of her, regardless of the courses that she takes in school, might positively reinforce your daugher to do better in other courses. Too often parents only give their children attention when they think their children need correction or criticism. They forget to praise and encourage their children, even when they fail, which can go a long way toward changing behavior.

Suggestions:

1. Consistently express positive, rather than high expectations. Every child learns differently, and imposing your expectations on a child who might not be able to attain the goals that you've set for her (and possibly for yourself) might actually turn her off from learning. However, positively giving a child permission to do her personal best makes learning interesting and fun. Instead of learning just to please you and satisfy your goals, the child is learning because learning is self motivating and fun. You might say to your daughter, "I'm really proud of how well you're doing in your Art and Health classes. You're doing a fantastic job! I know you can do just as well in Math and Science. I believe in you. Let's discuss some ideas and ways that we can do that."

2. Encourage your daughter to form friendships and study buddies with students who are doing well in the courses that are challenge for her. These students can serve as positive reinforcement as well. Seeing her girlfriends excel in Math and Science might motivate her to do better. She might even learn new study tips and learning strategies.

3. Contact your child's teachers. This suggestion should actually be first, if your daughter is earning below average grades in courses that she needs to pass on to the next grade level. Her teachers would certainly appreciate the urgency of your concern, and they might be able to refer your daugher to free tutoring services. Some teachers might even be able to provide remedial instruction by tutoring your daughter after school. I hope this advice was helpful.

Have you tried bribing ... paying ... financial encouragement??

quote:

Originally posted by EbonyRose:
Have you tried bribing ... paying ... financial encouragement??

*lol*

I agree with "incentives" for excellence, and not necessarily money, could be gifts, privileges, etc.

It may help to encourage her to "own" her work...and then explain the benefit(s) of doing that while being sure she understands how her not doing so reflects upon not only herself, but upon you as her parent.

I explain to my son that what he does and how he does it is a clear reflection upon him as an individual and upon me as his parent. He realizes if he half does something, he may be giving off the appearance (and falling into the stereotype) that he is lazy and that I never taught him how to do some things correctly.

When I am teaching him and he is doing his homework, we correct everything to 100%. The premise behind this is that you either know the material or you don't. You can either show someone else how to do it correctly or you can't. You will either pass a test question that requires the right answer, sentence structure, correct spelling, etc., or you will fail that test.

It helps to address the positive about her work before you address what she could improve upon. Explain to her that while you are pleased she is getting decent grades and at least going to school, she a is bright child who could open many more doors of opportunity for herself if she applied herself by doing xyz....

Show her the opportunities; give her something to dream about.

For example...say she wants to be a lawyer some day. Explain to her what consequences a lawyer (and possibly that lawyer's client) may face if the lawyer were to submit to a court a half done legal document with words spelled incorrectly. Most judges throw the document in the trash and in a situation where there's a tight deadline, that could be seriously detrimental to a lawyer's case.

Or say she likes to play sports...explain to her that the best sports players are those who constantly take home the trophies, while the mediocre ones usually bring home second or third, if they even earn that.

She has to see the benefit for herself (and for you) in order to change her attitude about doing well. Explain to her that it is about taking pride within her HerSelf, pride within her family and ultimately, pride within her community.

Hope that helps...

"WIAW!"

quote:

Originally posted by ShayaButHer:
It may help to encourage her to "own" her work...and then explain the benefit(s) of doing that while being sure she understands how her not doing so reflects upon not only herself, but upon you as her parent.

And for some children, it can so challenging to help them understand the importance of doing their personal best and putting forth the effort to do quality work. That's why I sympathize with Brother Kweli's concerns about his daughter. In fact, yesterday I was helping my students learn how to read and create a simple bar graph using a data file or table of information. I know which students are putting for the effort to do their personal best, and which students merely slapped up a graph, any ole' kind of way, just to get the assignment over and done with. The latter group of students might not put forth the effort for a myriad of reasons. Some just might not want to do it. They'd rather be doing something else. Others might be waiting for one-on-one assistance rather than whole-group instruction. But I agree with you that we have to encourage children to take ownership of their work and become independent learners who are responsible for contributing to the quality of their education. In whatever ingenious and creative ways we can, we must impress upon children that valuing and actively partcipating in their education is very important.

If rowe looks like any of the women she's used as avatars I'ma be mad as hell.

Then again, I've had enough of exotically beautiful women that have the personality of a bear trap or that crazy ass character Kathy Bates played in that movie 'Misery'.


Which reminds me....

Reward her for performance.

All performance.

D = $0.00/wk

C = $1.00/wk

B = $3.00/wk

A = $6.00/wk

You may choose to skew this scale by the importance of the course...,as defined by you of course.

Let that be the basis for all allowance received...as enabled by your budget, of course.

She then is in charge of what is important to her..., but it is defined by what is important to you.

PEACE

Jim Chester

@Brotha Kweil4Real: To provide constructive criticism to a 13 year old is to acknowledge that she is a teen entering into a world of surging hormones, self-examination and peer pressure...and it would probably be good to remember when you were 13 years old. And ask the question...what was important to you.

Children at this stage of adolescence conduct the typical behavior often seen: indecisiveness, boredom, and lack of attention to academics although they may be brilliant. Most times parents are the last folks teens want to talk to or to express freely exactly what's on their minds. This is not out of the ordinary. First, I would find out what she like the best in terms of subjects. If its the arts interject to her why it is important to also be on top on the game in other subjects. I always recommend parents to give their teens journals. Also, pick a day and time to have a bonding sesssion with her. Start slow. Don't offer a lot of information. Sometimes silence is the best form of communication. Once, she understands that you really care about what she thinks, she will eventually open up. But don't be greedy. Allow her to give you as much as she wants.

Children do care about what their parents think. But at this age, their minds is clogged with sooooo much stuff: the opposite sex, fitting in, being cool. Things that have absolutely nothing to do with academics. It's called socialization. She at the stage of her development. It's hard to explain but it happens to every last one of us.

My specialty has been adolescents/pre-teens. Only recently in the last two or three years have I been providing programs for early education i.e. pre-school and elementary school students. Teens are a hard call. Because they are at a very tender pivotal time in their lives....some start this process as early as 11 and as late as 16. But it happens. When it does....the right thing to do is to kindly give them move to grow but not enough room where they are not monitored. And then. Relax. This is very NORMAL behavior. Just be there for her as much as you can. Don't be HER friend...continue to be her parent/guidance mentor as she begins this twisting mental/physical journey toward maturity/adulthood. Please note that there are three parenting approaches (1) Authoritative (2) Permissive and (3) Authoritarian. The approach for teens in my opinion is the authoritative because it is more democratic in which the child has a voice but at the same time is disciplined age-appropriately. Teens also prefer this parenting style and many have become successful well-balanced adults as a result of the characteristics it entails.

So. Brother Kweil4real...you have the skills...so you'll be fine. No worries.

quote:

Originally posted by Kocolicious:
My specialty has been adolescents/pre-teens. Only recently in the last two or three years have I been providing programs for early education i.e. pre-school and elementary school students.

Research tell us that children are the most receptive to learning when they are very young. Then, as they mature, learning becomes more challenging, and in some respects, less interesting. As a teacher who has taught both young children and adolescents, would you agree with what researchers have discovered? Do you think Brother Kweli's observations of his daughter is a naturally-occuring part of his daughter's personal development or does he have a legitimate reason to be concerned?

Originally posted by Rowe:

quote:

Research tell us that children are the most receptive and attentive to learning when they are very young. Then, as they mature, learning becomes more challenging, and in some respects, less interesting. As a teacher who has taught both young children and adolescents, would you agree with what researchers have discovered? Do you think Brother Kweli's observations of his daughter is a naturally-occuring process of his daughter's personal development or does he have a legitimate reason to be very concerned?

Although it's true young children reception's is a lot easier than adolescents and is why children before the age of 12 can learn academically faster and can also learn different languages better or can adapt to a different language a lot better than those over the age of 12/13. Having said that, as I conveyed to Brotha K this thing he is experiencing with his daughter has everything to do with HORMONES with the addition of socialization interaction-which is totally different from what one would experience as a young child.

Young children do not have the interference of raging hormones and their bodies are not going through rapid physical and cognitive maturity as they approach a new stage in their development. With pre-teens/adolescent girls it's that time of month thingy[mood swings, complexion changes] physical pain associated with growth vs boys who experience an increase in testerone[sp]: complexion changes, different stages of voice tones, having "you know what kinda dreams" in the morning and pain associated with physical growth. Teens experience dual changes in their lives both physical and cognitive. Plus socialization interaction: peer pressure, emotional components attached to self-image, acceptance and social skills. So to answer your question. Yes, I believe Brotha Kweil4Real's observation of his daughter is a natural-occuring process of human development. I would be concerned if she wasn't going this, quite frankly.

Well, K4R ... it looks like you've got some really great advice from people who have and/or have interaction with young'uns on a daily basis! Can't really do better than that!

However ... I'm still gonna say you should pay the girl off!! It has worked for generations in my household! Make the incentive big and tempting Today's children are much more materialistic than we were, so it takes a lot more coaxing to overpower laziness.

Another piece of advice that's been given that I think as a parent it would be very important for you to heed ... your daughter's just getting to that age where you (and your wife), as a parent will know absolutely nothing as far as your teenager is concerned!! Your brains (if you have any) are so outmoded and under-functioning that you could never understand anything that might be important or have any relevance at all.

How intelligent you really are should come back right around the 1st or 2nd year of college! Until then mostly everything you have to say will be ... and that includes any 'constructive criticism' or helpful encouragement either of you tries to give!

The next few years, if she makes it to you watching her graduate from high school without a straight-jacket being involved, will be a true and living testament to how much you really do love her!!

And don't say I didn't warn you.

quote:

Originally posted by Kweli4Real:

When I review her homework and attempt to correct errors, she says "well, that's not really that important", "They're not grading on spelling", "That's good enough." But after I told her that "good enough" was only "good enough" if it is your best work, now she just shuts down.

Bro Kweli,

after staring at my computer screen for a while, another aspect came to me. Perhaps she is being overly nonchalant as a defense when you "correct" her errors. I think i remember seeing a description of her as "a daddy's girl". Age 13 (a young woman) does seem a bit old for homework review, and if she's a daddy's girl, every correction, although you do it out of love and concern for her future, reminds her that she doesn't meet daddy's standards (just a thought)

two possible points

1. for whatever reason, becoming nonchalant and noncommittal has become her default way of dealing with you on this particular issue. is it a power/control thing? is it a reaction to disappointing daddy? definitely worth a discussion i think.

2. at 13, with the biological changes going on she may not know how to interact with daddy as a young woman, as opposed to being a child...How will your relationship be affected if she defies you? disagrees with you? doesn't share your thoughts values and opinions?


maybe it might be worth it to consider reviewing her school progress in a different manner? *shrug*

maybe the educators on this thread have some suggestions?

Some good advice so far so I'll add my 2 cents.
I had a similiar problem with my oldest son. Smart as hell but too smart for his own good. He basically got away with what the system allowed him to.
To remedy that I had to go to the school and talk with the teachers. The school system had the BS where you could take the test as many times as you wanted and still get a 70% and teachers were scared to write children up due to the number of parents who blamed everyone except little Johnny and Suzy and came to the school making idiots of them selves.
I had to remind the teachers what their job was, and what I would do to assist. One test period and no retakes and if he screwed up I wanted to know that evening.

Mysteriously the next semester and furture semesters he made the honor role.

Just something else to consider.

I refuse to reveal my techniques as some on this board will cry child abuse!

had to remind the teachers what their job was, and what I would do to assist. One test period and no retakes and if he screwed up I wanted to know that evening.---ocatchings

I like this.

Not that there is anything wrong with the other suggestions.

I am a strong believer in the parents setting the standard for the child, AND the school system.

I get so tired of hearing this 'lack of spending quality time' argument being offered as a reason for our childrens failure.

I think the 'quality time' that counts is the commitment to stand behind a prescribed, and demanded standard of effort.

That is excellence.

A high mark is the result of the effort.

PEACE

Jim Chester

Originally posted by ocatchings:

quote:

I refuse to reveal my techniques as some on this board will cry child abuse!

I hear ya. But "girls" are different. And those "techniques" will probably not work in their cases cuz times have changed. If your techniques [which were also practiced in school] are the same ones I'm thinking about, they worked for me as a child too. And were the only ones to have an impact on my academic/social behavior. Cuz for a girl....I wasn't afraid of adversary or the word "no" and challenged most things except..those convincing "techniques"

Perhaps, instead of reviewing her homework in kinda 3rd grade fashion, Kweli and Mrs Kweli can instruct her to email them each a weekly summary including her test scores, upcoming projects or papers due, and amounts of time she will be devoting to study, what assistance she will need, and a statement detailing where she feels improvement is needed... Mama Kweli and Daddy Kweli can provide feedback as needed.

If she does this consistently, she gets a "reward" (cash or privileges). If not, she gets the evil eye, no privileges and the i'm-disappointed-in-your-behavior-young lady speech. ( This speech really worked on me )

eye-rolling, neck popping individuals who want more freedom and independence must earn it through responsible, goal oriented behavior...


just a suggestion...

quote:

Originally posted by EbonyRose:
However ... I'm still gonna say you should pay the girl off!! It has worked for generations in my household! Make the incentive big and tempting Today's children are much more materialistic than we were, so it takes a lot more coaxing to overpower laziness.

Rewards, praise, and recognition are important, and they do motivate both children and adults. However, preparing children for instances in which they will be expected to do their best work without praise and recognition and other incentives from outside sources is also important. Teaching children to appreciate and value learning for learning's sake is something that I believe is very important. For this reason, I advise parents to avoid overdoing it with the candy, trips to McDonald's, video games, etc. whenever a child does something that he or she is expected to do. Rewards should be provided when a child does something exceptional. They should not given automatically and for routine tasks, such as completing a homework assignment or completing a chore. Otherwise, a parent risks conditioning his or her child to expect to rewarded and given attention each time he or she does something for his or her own good. Eventually, these children might grow up into adults who feel self entitled and thinks the world owes them something just for being in others' presence. Without intervention, they might even become psychologically affected by this type of rearing. Moderation is the key.

Equally important, parents must remember that sometimes a child just wants your loving approval. They want you to look at them. Don't talk to your children with your head down, reading the paper or your eyes looking away at a computer screen. Sit down and have a conversation with them about their lives, their school day, and as best you can, answer the questions they have about the world. Children don't always need monetary gifts and rewards. Sometimes, just acknowledging the positive things they do and appreciating them in your life is more than enough.

quote:

Originally posted by Kocolicious:
Originally posted by ocatchings:

quote:

I refuse to reveal my techniques as some on this board will cry child abuse!

I hear ya. But "girls" are different. And those "techniques" will probably not work in their cases cuz times have changed. If your techniques [which were also practiced in school] are the same ones I'm thinking about, they worked for me as a child too. And were the only ones to have an impact on my academic/social behavior. Cuz for a girl....I wasn't afraid of adversary or the word "no" and challenged most things except..those convincing "techniques"

Great points Sister Koco, but I don't want us to start playing the teacher-parent blame game either, because both parties have bounced this ball back and forth during many discussions about how to improve childerens' academic performance. However, I must say that a parent wouldn't need to come to my classrom, reminding me about what my responsibilities are as a teacher if more parents knew what their responsibilities were at home.

Parent Responsibility #1: Don't send your children to school, Headstart or Prekindergarten, without any academic preparation. Countless studies have shown that parents who prepared their children for school, even if it's just reading to them or introducing them to the letters of the alphabet, before their very first day of school outperform students with absolutely no academic preparation by leaps and bounds.

Parent Resposibility #2: Don't send your child to school with no home training. Teachers are not paid to be your child's mother or father. Teachers are paid to educate your child, and it's a lot easier to educate a child when he or she can act responsibly without a steady supply of rewards and constant attention.

Parent Responsibility #3: School is not a daycare. School is a place of learning. And your child's learning doesn't begin once your child arrives to school and ends after you take the child home. Learning MUST take place before school, during school, and even after school. Follow up with what is taught by your child's classroom teacher by making sure homework assignments and take-home projects are completed, and don't do the assignments for your child. Please let the child show you what he or she has learned, if he or she has learned anything at all. You need to know.

Lastly, and this is very important, have a positive relationship with your child's teacher. Your child's teacher wants your child to succeed. He or she is not your and your child's enemy. Don't avoid telephone calls home. Don't avoid or keep cancelling parent/teacher conferences. Don't procrastinate or prolong visiting your child's classroom, fearing what you might see your child doing in comparision to other children. Show your child that his or her education is very important to you by always making yourself available to the child and the child's classroom teacher. It's better to know and intervene now than later.

@Sista Rowe...in all due respect there's no blame here. It is what it is. Teens, we can agree, are DIFFERENT animals. Especially since the time I was in school as a student. I've learned throught the years, the approach has to match the issue. True, parents must be involved in their children's academics.....positively. However, let's not forget the physical development in children once their enter pre-adulthood. It's hard and devestating to many parents who when this person was a child....they had no problems with him/her-in fact they were easy. In that, easy to make happy, easy to keep occupied.

Now it's a different perspective. Parents ask all the time: "Who is this person living in my house? What worked as a little person no longer work now cuz this person thinks for her/himself as an individual and has an opinion about EVERYTHING! Don't get me wrong my sista, I agree with you....but the game changes when these little darlings become monsters whom you cannot REACH. Making daddy/mommy proud is no longer the goal with them-it's how popular am I with my peers? Am I good lookin'? Does he/she like me? I am fat/too skinny? Am I cool enough? Why is my voice changing? Why is my hips spreading? These questions can come from honor roll students as well as the average students....why? Cuz human development is the same for all children who will eventually become young adults-full circle adults. Some come early.....some come late....but there's no doubt no matter who you are....it will come. It's a part of being humans and evolving through normal process of development.

Sometimes academics may suffer. That's absolutely normal. And parents must be careful at this level cuz it's a very sensitive time in teens' life[ teen pregnancy, suicide, gangs, drugs and abusive living-all play a part during this mental/physical evolution]. And sometimes the outcome of going through these growing pains can turn favorably or a parents' worse nightmare....and understanding and recognizing this period in time is pivotal AND crucial.

I am a no nonsense teacher. I do not take mess from any of my students. And they wear me out all the time. When I come home, all I want to do is go to bed-cuz it's mentally draining dealing with them sometimes. However, my goal is to give them what they need to be self-sufficient, balanced and productive human beings....and in order for me to do that I must create a platform where they can be their CREATIVE selves.....a place where they can scream it, sing it, dance it, express it....and when it's over still be able to give each and every last one of them a BIG HUG. I always ask them:"you too big for a hug?" Even with the largest, tallest and coolest....I still get that hug at the end of the day....cuz why? They are STILL children strugglin in their minds and bodies to become the best adults humanly possible. And that's why I keep my mind open and positive....when it comes to them. Cuz I know my attitude makes a BIG difference in their lives....and that's all I can do. The rest is up to them....but at least I can set the stage for human excellent. After that I'm through.

BTW: I do understand some of my methods working with teens/children [cuz of the times we live in] are different and unorthodox...but it works for the most part. Thank God!

quote:

Originally posted by Kocolicious:
Sometimes academics may suffer. That's absolutely normal. And parents must be careful at this level cuz it's a very sensitive time in teens' life[ teen pregnancy, suicide, gangs, drugs and abusive living-all play a part during this mental/physical evolution]. And sometimes the outcome of going through these growing pains can turn favorably or a parents' worse nightmare....and understanding and recognizing this period in time is pivotal AND crucial.

It's also a time in which parents might be tempted to distance themselves away from their children. Watching their children become independent and feeling their insistence to be left alone can be discouraging, but I believe this period of personal development is when children need a parent's guidance and wisdom the most. I often hear adolescents and young adults say that they wish they had been more close with their parents, and they wish their parents had given them more information about sex and other activities that could prevent them from reaching their life goals.

Anyway, I think it's great that you've taken on the responsibility of teaching older children. Too many adults avoid "dealing" with the needs of children at this age level, preferring to only work with young children who can be easier to manage. Hopefully, Brother Kweli has gained some insight about how best to relate to his daugher's changing needs.

quote:

Originally posted by Rowe:

It's also a time in which parents might be tempted to distance themselves away from their children. Watching their children become independent and feeling their insistence to be left alone can be discouraging, but I believe this period of personal development is when your children need a parent's guidance and wisdom the most.

I agree, and especially with teen girls and their dads. Dad's are needed more than ever at this stage although the teen is pushing the independence envelope at the same time...

it would be nice if Kweli brought his beard back in here and gave a lil feedback on his thoughts about the many suggestions, wouldn't it?

Originally posted by Rowe

quote:

It's also a time in which parents might be tempted to distance themselves away from their children. Watching their children become independent and feeling their insistence to be left alone can be discouraging, but I believe this period of personal development is when your children need a parent's guidance and wisdom the most.

Yep! And is why I encourage parents to have an unending relationship with their children....and with each development and stage/change of their child, they must develop and change as well.

quote:

I often hear adolescents and young adults say that they wish they had been more close with their parents, and they wish their parents had given them more information about sex and other activities that could prevent them from reaching their life goals.

Exactly! And with girls especially. A father must maintain that close relationship. My girls were close to their father....more closer to him than with me. And he used to tell them all the time how/what boys are really thinking about in terms of sex. Not to reveal too much of their personal lives....but! Because they had that information earlier on....they were able to make mature decisions regarding their bodies and sexuality....puttng education first and deciding later on whether or not if they were in fact ready to make that leap....but. If girls do not have that relationship with their fathers...how will they know? Some girls will not listen to their mothers....and so it is important that a father figure tell them exactly what time it is. Not to say life is perfect, cuz it is DEFINITELY NOT. But if that information is out there, especially if it's a life-altering decision, it is way better for them to be better prepared than not. With the boys, I've always told them to respect women....no matter what. No hitting, no name calling[walk away]...which was not easy since there was always some kind of confusion going on around my home with the boys vs the girls....but! Later as the boys started being into girls dating/courting...they began to understand what I was talking about.

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Anyway, I think it's great that you've taken on the responsibility of teaching older children. Too many adults avoid "dealing" with the needs of children at this age level, preferring to only work with young children who can be easier to manage.

As I always say, teaching is a gift from the universe. It calls you...you don't call it. I always knew that my life would be filled with children....and knew as a young woman my specialty would be adolescents/preteen. This age group called me....I didn't call them. And when I realized that my mission in life was to help them, I've been doing it for nearly 30 years.

BTW: Some parents who are unable to grow with their children, are still children[sometimes broken children] themselves-based on what has or has not happened in their childhood.