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quote:
Originally posted by cakeaholic:
Fellas, when a women describes herself as high maintenance what do you think that means?

When a woman describes herself as high maintenance, it means that she is not a part of the crew.

She's a part of the cargo.

quote:
Also is it a turn on or turn off?

Immediate turn off. If she's already given me her phone number, I give it back to her.

I don't have the time or patience for mercenaries.
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
quote:
Originally posted by cakeaholic:
Fellas, when a women describes herself as high maintenance what do you think that means?

When a woman describes herself as high maintenance, it means that she is not a part of the crew.

She's a part of the cargo.

quote:
Also is it a turn on or turn off?

Immediate turn off. If she's already given me her phone number, I give it back to her.

I don't have the time or patience for mercenaries.


yeah
quote:
Originally posted by Sandye:
Would you feel the same way about a "high maintenance" woman who doesn't want or need you to maintain her as she performs all of the maintenance herself?

Well... if that's the case, why is she telling me about it?

Generally, when a woman comes right off the bat telling me that she is high maintenence, she's telling me that she is costly. She requires a lot of monetary investment on my part, if I'm going to be worth her time. That makes me a cash register, rather than a love interest. That means, when someone comes along that has more money (or will spend more money) than me, she will bail in a heartbeat. She's put a price on her interest. For me, the price is always too high.
quote:
Originally posted by Sandye:
Would you feel the same way about a "high maintenance" woman who doesn't want or need you to maintain her as she performs all of the maintenance herself?


Yes. I would because regardless of the sense of her ability to "maintain all of her maintenance" without a guy's help, in reality, it will, someday somehow somewhere at some point in time, have an effect on the guy like it or not.
quote:
when a women describes herself as high maintenance what do you think that means? Also is it a turn on or turn off?

The term "high maintenance" is overused by women and confusing to brothers - and I usually ask the woman to define exactly what she means when she characterizes herself as high maintenance.

If high maintenance has somehting to do with me constantly paying for day spas, Korean nail treatments, new clothes, trips to the 40 / 40 club, fake hair, and 52 weekend gateways per year, then I am turned off.

If high maintenance means that the woman expects me to be a stand up man in the relationship and my personal affairs, be willing to direct and take direction, be productive, pay attention to her basic needs (not wants), grow intellectually and spirtually, be self-actualized... then in that case, high maintenance is a turn on and a good thing.
When I'm told she is 'high maintenance', I turn on the disco globe and slowly back out of the room. She ain't going to know I'm not there because all the glitter and lights usually keep her attention or I pull out a mirror so that she can see herself and spend as much time as she wants telling me how beautiful she is and how many men came on to her today.

High Maintenance usually means I'm disillusioned and the only way any one can invite me into their lives is to give up their own and concentrate on me.
quote:
Originally posted by Shango67:
The term "high maintenance" is overused by women and confusing to brothers - and I usually ask the woman to define exactly what she means when she characterizes herself as high maintenance.


This is a general question.... inspired by Shango's post....


Isn't it possible that women may have more than one definition for the term "high maintenance"?


quote:
If high maintenance has somehting to do with me constantly paying for day spas, Korean nail treatments, new clothes, trips to the 40 / 40 club, fake hair, and 52 weekend gateways per year, then I am turned off.


I ask because I don't know many women who represent the above.... and those that I am aware of are spotted a mile away by both men and women......

quote:
If high maintenance means that the woman expects me to be a stand up man in the relationship and my personal affairs, be willing to direct and take direction, be productive, pay attention to her basic needs (not wants), grow intellectually and spirtually, be self-actualized... then in that case, high maintenance is a turn on and a good thing.


Couldn't "high maintenance" also mean..... "high standards"? Perhaps in some instances it is the man whose sights are purely materialistic? Obviously not in all cases..... but this term I'm noticing seems to be used quite differently by men in different social circles.....

curious is all.....


Peace,
Virtue
Last edited {1}
quote:
Couldn't "high maintenance" also mean..... "high standards"? Perhaps in some instances it is the man whose sights are purely materialistic? Obviously not in all cases..... but this term I'm noticing seems to be used quite differently by men in different social circles.....

curious is all.....

There it is, Virtue... there it is.

How do you use the term?
quote:
Originally posted by Shango67:
quote:
Couldn't "high maintenance" also mean..... "high standards"? Perhaps in some instances it is the man whose sights are purely materialistic? Obviously not in all cases..... but this term I'm noticing seems to be used quite differently by men in different social circles.....

curious is all.....

There it is, Virtue... there it is.

How do you use the term?


I don't use the term.....

However, I've had the term used to describe me before... and when the brother and I communicated a little better, he realized that his "gripe" wasn't that I demanded anything unreasonable...... it was that he simply didn't share the same value system...

He didn't believe in abstinence before marriage....

He didn't believe in taking things slow before revealing intimate feelings and knowledge about oneself...

He didn't believe in modesty... He saw the most sensual parts of a beautiful woman as a prize.... to be flaunted in front of others like jewelry....

He didn't believe in the man being sole breadwinner, particularly when a woman was with an infant..... he saw women just like men and thought a sista could just "bounce back" after a pregnancy.... He saw income contributions from employment as more important than nurturing an infant... (e.g. "Breastfeed??? Feed 'em some similac!") (Virtue rolls eyes)

stuff like that.....


Peace,
Virtue
quote:
Originally posted by virtue:
quote:
Originally posted by Shango67:
quote:
Couldn't "high maintenance" also mean..... "high standards"? Perhaps in some instances it is the man whose sights are purely materialistic? Obviously not in all cases..... but this term I'm noticing seems to be used quite differently by men in different social circles.....


curious is all.....

There it is, Virtue... there it is.

How do you use the term?


I don't use the term.....

However, I've had the term used to describe me before... and when the brother and I communicated a little better, he realized that his "gripe" wasn't that I demanded anything unreasonable...... it was that he simply didn't share the same value system...

He didn't believe in abstinence before marriage....

He didn't believe in taking things slow before revealing intimate feelings and knowledge about oneself...

He didn't believe in modesty... He saw the most sensual parts of a beautiful woman as a prize.... to be flaunted in front of others like jewelry....

He didn't believe in the man being sole breadwinner, particularly when a woman was with an infant..... he saw women just like men and thought a sista could just "bounce back" after a pregnancy.... He saw income contributions from employment as more important than nurturing an infant... (e.g. "Breastfeed??? Feed 'em some similac!") (Virtue rolls eyes)

stuff like that.....


Peace,
Virtue


I kind of agree to an extent with the man who did not understand or agree with your values...I personally believe it is okay not to move too fast, but on the other hand chivalry is not only a word meant for men. If a woman steps her game up and takes the man out, does things he wants to do, shares the spot for attention rather than everything being about her...then maybe the physical may not be as important...and as far as man being the sole provider...I think this means the one be the sole caregiver...If a woman breast feeds her child this in a sense is unfair to the father...now he can not share the bond with a child that is his also. To say the mom can pump the milk is still not the same because the man and the child are now dependent on the mother. I think albeit it healthy for a child it is a form of control in which women use. Breast feeding is not necessary and if a man is the sole provider...the woman should be willing to do all of the mundane things a housewife is expected to do.
quote:
Originally posted by calvin:
I kind of agree to an extent with the man who did not understand or agree with your values...I personally believe it is okay not to move too fast, but on the other hand chivalry is not only a word meant for men. If a woman steps her game up and takes the man out, does things he wants to do, shares the spot for attention rather than everything being about her...then maybe the physical may not be as important...and as far as man being the sole provider...I think this means the one be the sole caregiver...If a woman breast feeds her child this in a sense is unfair to the father...now he can not share the bond with a child that is his also. To say the mom can pump the milk is still not the same because the man and the child are now dependent on the mother. I think albeit it healthy for a child it is a form of control in which women use. Breast feeding is not necessary and if a man is the sole provider...the woman should be willing to do all of the mundane things a housewife is expected to do.


Other than your belief that women use children to control men...

I don't understand your point...
quote:
Originally posted by virtue:


Isn't it possible that women may have more than one definition for the term "high maintenance"?

quote:
If high maintenance has somehting to do with me constantly paying for day spas, Korean nail treatments, new clothes, trips to the 40 / 40 club, fake hair, and 52 weekend gateways per year, then I am turned off.


I ask because I don't know many women who represent the above.... and those that I am aware of are spotted a mile away by both men and women......



If a woman herself actually uses that term to describe herself, then she means it in the materialistic, draining sense that GAMBIT described so well. If I ask her, "Well, how do you define 'high maintenance,'" and she describes it any other way, she still really means materialistic and draining. She may describe it in some positive way, but that's because nobody likes to think of themselves as a bad person.

If a man describes a woman as high maintenance, he may be bringing his own biases and perspectives to bear on his definition, and that may skew his perception, or his choice of terminology. But when a woman describes herself as that, then I'm outta there.
quote:
Originally posted by Vox:
quote:
Originally posted by virtue:


Isn't it possible that women may have more than one definition for the term "high maintenance"?

quote:
If high maintenance has somehting to do with me constantly paying for day spas, Korean nail treatments, new clothes, trips to the 40 / 40 club, fake hair, and 52 weekend gateways per year, then I am turned off.


I ask because I don't know many women who represent the above.... and those that I am aware of are spotted a mile away by both men and women......



If a woman herself actually uses that term to describe herself, then she means it in the materialistic, draining sense that GAMBIT described so well. If I ask her, "Well, how do you define 'high maintenance,'" and she describes it any other way, she still really means materialistic and draining. She may describe it in some positive way, but that's because nobody likes to think of themselves as a bad person.

If a man describes a woman as high maintenance, he may be bringing his own biases and perspectives to bear on his definition, and that may skew his perception, or his choice of terminology. But when a woman describes herself as that, then I'm outta there.


This seems completely fair and reasonable to me... tfro


Peace,
Virtue
quote:
Originally posted by cakeaholic:
Fellas, when a women describes herself as high maintenance what do you think that means? Also is it a turn on or turn off?


Rather than simply go by what she says "hm" means, I go by what she shows me. If, in a spiritual, emotional sense, she carries herself in a manner worthy of respect, and gives the same, then great, cause I'm with that.

If by "high maintenance" she means she's always together, hair, nails (finger and toe), make-up, then I'm fine with that too. I appreciate a woman that takes of herself. If she'll take care of the little things, it's likely (hopefully, anyway, there are exceptions) she'll take care of the little things in a relationship.

If by "high maintenance," she means she has an ego/personality given to wild, inconsistent swings that I somehow have to follow, match and satisfy, then nah, that particular brand of "hm" is not what I'm compatible with and I'm out.

..."rollercoasters" belong at the amusement park, not in my personal life.
quote:
If by "high maintenance" she means she's always together, hair, nails (finger and toe), make-up, then I'm fine with that too. I appreciate a woman that takes of herself. If she'll take care of the little things, it's likely (hopefully, anyway, there are exceptions) she'll take care of the little things in a relationship.


However, if she expects/assumes/demands that I pay for it, despite her having a job and relatively few obligations ... Well ... thanks, but no thanks.

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