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Green Card Marriages......any thoughts or experiences?

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FireFlyFireFlyA1
This is one area I truly would love to know the gender split on !

But I'm not going to quibble on stats vs personal experience... both are going to be fascinating.

I haven't been involved in one of these but know of a woman who fell in love with/sponsored (the jury is still out whether it was/is for love or green card) a Jamaican guy. Whichever it was/is though it's been a very rough ride even after 3 yrs of marriage and I certainly don't envy their situation. For love or money, I'd want to be a lot happier than what each of them has seemed to 'settle' for. I figure love without money is better than money without love.

Do tell folobatuyi !!
.
.
FrenchyFrenchyA1
I know several people who've had green card marriages. I wouldn't do it, but I don't see anything wrong with it as long as people are upfront about it and one of them isn't being duped or manipulative. Beyond the risk of getting caught, there's also the risk of taking up with someone who is going to lord their citizenship over you and use it to keep you a virtual prisoner/slave to their demands. It's not much different from anyone who marries "up."
donna529donna529A3
I guess I am an old fashioned kind of girl. I donot think anyone should get married unless they love that person and know that person. I know a few people down in SC did it, and some told me it is a headache; the paperwork, the stress, and everything that goes with the arranged marriaged is too much to deal with, so I would have to say: I donot agree with it.
F folobatuyiA1
quote:
Originally posted by Frenchy:
......Beyond the risk of getting caught, there's also the risk of taking up with someone who is going to lord their citizenship over you and use it to keep you a virtual prisoner/slave to their demands. It's not much different from anyone who marries "up."


That is an interesting take on the issue but in my experience, it was not the case. In my case, I was the one with the US citizenship.
I did not lord my citizenship over the so-called former friend, but instead in the classic Nigerian style, she insisted that she was doing me a favor because she happened to be of a superior class of females compared to the AA sistas I have been dating prior to her. I initially agreed to do this arrangement out of compassion and love? but after the next several months, I realized that this marriage was a farse. So after much revealing arguments, she finally wanted to make the marriage a business contract. The price: 2200 dollars. Why? According to her logic, I was doing the same thing an immigration lawyer was doing for her. This is despite the fact that the penalty of being caught...felony...fines up to $250,000
and/or 5 years imprisonment. Well, she argued that given the joint apartment we had in our names and the 2200 dollars was more than enough compensation for the role I am playing. I strongly disagreed....so it ended bitterly with no payments to me and no green card for her.
Last edited {1}
FrenchyFrenchyA1
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. Frown

I tend to think that the only way any marriage can work is when both people are completely upfront about what the arrangement is going to be and what they want out of it.

quote:
she happened to be of a sperior class of females


What does this mean? She was wealthier? "Higher caste" or something? Confused
F folobatuyiA1
quote:
she happened to be of a superior class of females


What does this mean? She was wealthier? "Higher caste" or something? Confused[/QUOTE]

Well to answer that, you need a little lesion in the makeup of Nigeria. She was an Igbo and I hail from the Yoruba side of Nigeria. Given the history of the civil war in the late 60s, there is still a bit of mistrust between the two and this was reflected in her mom's dislike of me...it also did not help that her dad was such the surgeon in Nigeria and that I was lucky enough to be linked to someone like her. Such arrogance!
But since it was essentially a business deal initially portrayed as a meaniful relationship, it came down to a risk v. profit issue...and as far I was concerned, the risks far outweighed the profits she thought were more than enough!
qty226qty226A1
quote:
Originally posted by folobatuyi:
The price: 2200 dollars. Why? According to her logic, I was doing the same thing an immigration lawyer was doing for her. This is despite the fact that the penalty of being caught...felony...fines up to $250,000
and/or 5 years imprisonment.



I can only imagine, how hard it was for you to deal with this hanging over your head. (felony, fines, prison etc) Frown

It seems you really wanted to help her.........but my goodness!

I hope you feel that even though it wasnt a pleasant situation, everything worked out for the best.... Smile
ocatchingsocatchingsA1
quote:
Originally posted by folobatuyi:
What are the forum members' view on green-card Marriages? has anyone been involved in one or know someone that has? Would you do it despite the risks involved and if yes, at what stipulations or price-tag would you think about doing it? Do share.


Contrary to popular belief most Koreans (and others) around military bases are products of "contracts" but rarely do the husbands admit to them. Some of the recent laws are a result of the Mafias abroad runninfg these scams on GI's.

catch
F folobatuyiA1
quote:
Originally posted by ocatchings:
quote:
Originally posted by folobatuyi:
What are the forum members' view on green-card Marriages? has anyone been involved in one or know someone that has? Would you do it despite the risks involved and if yes, at what stipulations or price-tag would you think about doing it? Do share.

Contrary to popular belief most Koreans (and others) around military bases are products of "contracts" but rarely do the husbands admit to them. Some of the recent laws are a result of the Mafias abroad runninfg these scams on GI's.

catch


Interesting...
F folobatuyiA1
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by folobatuyi:
The price: 2200 dollars. Why? According to her logic, I was doing the same thing an immigration lawyer was doing for her. This is despite the fact that the penalty of being caught...felony...fines up to $250,000
and/or 5 years imprisonment.



I can only imagine, how hard it was for you to deal with this hanging over your head. (felony, fines, prison etc) Frown

It seems you really wanted to help her.........but my goodness!

I hope you feel that even though it wasnt a pleasant situation, everything worked out for the best.... Smile


Well, I can not say it work out for the best for the lady in question unless she found someone else to help her out. But for me....one of the most influential points in my life...why? See the previous response.
msprettygirlmsprettygirlA1
my best friend is contemplating doing this right now for her haitian boyfriend, he wants her to marry his cousin. He's not offering her any money he feels she should do it out of loyalty, for being his girlfriend(of all of 8 months). she told him she would do it for the right price but i am really trying to discourage her from doing it. One of my coworkers has done this but she claims she is now in love with the man,but i doubt it.
F folobatuyiA1
quote:
Originally posted by msprettygirl:
my best friend is contemplating doing this right now for her haitian boyfriend, he wants her to marry his cousin. He's not offering her any money he feels she should do it out of loyalty, for being his girlfriend(of all of 8 months). she told him she would do it for the right price but i am really trying to discourage her from doing it. One of my coworkers has done this but she claims she is now in love with the man,but i doubt it.



HELL NO! THE F NO! Do you want me to talk to her? This is why I put this post...cos there are always some (foreign) folks who feel that AAs "somehow" owe it to them to help them out in this matter. That is a bunch of bullshit! (yes, Frenchy I cursed). It is especially difficult now in this post-911 era where the INS is actually on automatic high alert and suspicion with these marriages of short duration and gone are the days where only the foriegner is punished..the US citizen is at risk as well. So, if she wants to do this....then it should based on a true and real hope of a lasting relationship or homeboy needs to come correct..at least 5 figs (which is still too low) or get an immigration lawyer which is longer but legal but she would be a fool to do it as a favor...bullshit..
Why, does a reasonable person willingly commit a felony as a favor for a friend/boyfriend's cousin he/she don't even know....think about it..it is crazy!
FireFlyFireFlyA1
quote:
Originally posted by msprettygirl:
my best friend is contemplating doing this right now for her haitian boyfriend, he wants her to marry his cousin. He's not offering her any money he feels she should do it out of loyalty, for being his girlfriend(of all of 8 months).


I can't believe any real man would want/ask/expect his girlfriend to marry someone else for any reason, temporary or otherwise. Am I right?
.

Or am I being naive?
msprettygirlmsprettygirlA1
folobatuyi-i feel the same way you do about her doing it. I can't believe she is even contemplating doing it for a second. She is so naive about the whole thing, she's asking me how long do i think she will have to be married to him before they divorce and of course i don't know the ansewer to that. I believe she asked him jokingly for 5000 and he said hell no that she need to do it for free. She is not a really reasonable person, so i guess that ansewers your questions as to why she would do it.

art_gurl-u are right. when she told me i didn't believe her at first. I don't know what would possess him to ask her, i guess he thought she was that naive to do it and apparently he is semi-right because she is thinking about it.

then the dude has nerve enough to ask her if she has any friends that would be willingly to marry one of his other relatives, but not for free for 3000 plus he will pay for the divorce when it comes. I mean who knows if i would do it for the right amount of money, i doubt it, but 3000 sure ain't worth it. Apparently the dude's brother is in the country because he got one of his ex girlfriends to marry him. He's got a little business going on. my friend thinks the man's whole family got here that way.
F folobatuyiA1
quote:
Originally posted by msprettygirl:
folobatuyi-i feel the same way you do about her doing it. I can't believe she is even contemplating doing it for a second. She is so naive about the whole thing, she's asking me how long do i think she will have to be married to him before they divorce and of course i don't know the ansewer to that. I believe she asked him jokingly for 5000 and he said hell no that she need to do it for free. She is not a really reasonable person, so i guess that ansewers your questions as to why she would do it.


My question is why must she do it for free? He is clearly using her. You should tell her that to do it right, it would take about 2 to 3 years of court marriage...and you definitely apply for the card before a year into the marriage; you will look suspect. And it would wok best if you hired a lawyer...trust me, I have enough experience to know. She should not do it...chances are she will regret it.
F folobatuyiA1
quote:
Originally posted by msprettygirl:
folbatuyi-it seems like he is playing the old move of "if you love me you would..."
i told her that i thought she would have to be married about 3 years or so for it to not look suspicioius, but i wasn't sure. yeah i know she would regret it, i think she is really leaning toward no now, but she is still undecided.


Yeah, it would take at least two years...homeboy is just using her. I hope she figures it out before she jumps the broom. Besides, why doesn't he just use a lawyer?
M ma'amA1
I've had the issue come up jokingly, but no one has seriously asked me for a green card marriage.

Thankfully.

I wouldn't be able to do it. The potential legal ramifications are too steep.

I hate it when people are played, though.

Whether it's someone who agrees to marriage thinking the foreigner is really in love or it's a foreigner who feels stuck in an abusive relationship because of status.

I'd like to see some changes to immigration law that would make some people less desperate to enter such relationships. For example, children brought to this country at a young age who might be tempted into a green card marriage out of fear of being deported.
N nayoA1
Last month, I met a gentleman from northern India, who after our first date, declared that like Neo in 'The Matrix', I was 'the one'. Initially I was flattered, but that soon gave way to annoyance. I wanted to go to the movies, go shopping, go to dinner etc., He insisted that as he had determined that I was 'the one', that any further pursuit of this 'friendship' was going towards marriage, I was to go to India to meet his mother/family. This after three weeks I questioned his sincerity and possible need for a green card,(not to him) my ability to 'work with this'. I determined that I did not want to give him more, at such an extremely early juncture; he determined that any more time spent together was a waste, if we weren't heading toward a commitment. wth? . I'm not certain where cultural norms impacted his designs on me, and where, deception was at play. I want[ed] a 'friendship' with him; but he wants way more, way to soon, than I am willing to go for.
I am alarmed at his insistence that three weeks after meeting him, he is talking committment. I want a friendship and then, want to ˜see' if there is something more. I cannot express this more plainly, but he is insisting that I drop everything and be with him, like that. That is not realistic, so that's why the question of the 'green-card' seems like the probable reason for his 'infatuation; I asked what type of Visa does he have at present, he has a business Visa. I've met a few foreign born folk, specifically African men, who seek marriage for U.S. citizenship. I'm not naive, and do'nt even mind that he might need that, but the potential for deception and relationship coercion, is causing me concern. He continues to 'mention' tales of his family business/farm in India, his homes in France, Sweden, London, and that he can/wants to 'take care of me'. I shared this with my mom, and she said that she would be suspicious. I have stopped returning calls, and made a final statement that I will not be coerced into anything. He has changed his tuned. Now, he is saying that he has 'bonded' with me, let's continue to see one another, talk and learn one another-- besides his 'family can't wait to 'meet' me; and that he "hopes I was'nt under the impression that I was being pushed"; and if I am not going to at least allow 'us' to be open to something, than perhaps he should move back to San Francisco, where he is opening up a restaurant. I stated that he do what is best for him; his reply was that Americans do'nt know what they want, but others from more traditional cultures do. I have encouraged him to 'keep looking'; to which he became 'upset'. Is he from Denmark? Does he perceive me as gullible? Trust my gut. Has anyone had dealings with men/people from India?

Sidenote: This is the third east Indian that has hit on me in the last 2-3 months. What's in the curry lol? Eek
PriscillaPriscillaMember
I recently had a co-worker offer me $25,000 to go to Ethiopia, marry his cousin, stay for 3 months and then come back to the states with him. As bad as I think I need 25K, I couldn't do it...for 1 I am already married, but seperated. But yet he insists daily that it can be done and noone would never know about it! One of us is loonier than a bag of toons..and it ain;t me!!
L Latrice520Member
My cousin married a guy from Nigeria. It was a greencard marriage. He had his girlfriend from Nigeria staying with them and telling us that she was his niece but we knew better. the old people in the family didnt know how to handle it. They talked about them to their faces. My cousin had a great job with the IRS. Pretty big insurance policy. My cousin had asthma really bad. He made one of his dishes rfom back home and added something that she was allergic to. When she wasnt able to breath and asked him to take her to the hospital, he wouldnt. Her children witnessed this. She drive her self to the hospital. Wound up going into cardiac arrest and died at age 33. He sold everything she had the next day. When her sons got home from school their mother's things were gone. Didnt give them a chance to get what they wanted to remember her. That bastard got deported and is in jail for embeslement. For weeks her sons ran away from school and sat on the steps of their old house all day long. I think green card marraiges are dangerous. No one should try it.
L Latrice520Member
quote:
Originally posted by nayo:
Last month, I met a gentleman from northern India, who after our first date, declared that like Neo in 'The Matrix', I was 'the one'. Initially I was flattered, but that soon gave way to annoyance. I wanted to go to the movies, go shopping, go to dinner etc., He insisted that as he had determined that I was 'the one', that any further pursuit of this 'friendship' was going towards marriage, I was to go to India to meet his mother/family. This after three weeks I questioned his sincerity and possible need for a green card,(not to him) my ability to 'work with this'. I determined that I did not want to give him more, at such an extremely early juncture; he determined that any more time spent together was a waste, if we weren't heading toward a commitment. wth? . I'm not certain where cultural norms impacted his designs on me, and where, deception was at play. I want[ed] a 'friendship' with him; but he wants way more, way to soon, than I am willing to go for.
I am alarmed at his insistence that three weeks after meeting him, he is talking committment. I want a friendship and then, want to ˜see' if there is something more. I cannot express this more plainly, but he is insisting that I drop everything and be with him, like that. That is not realistic, so that's why the question of the 'green-card' seems like the probable reason for his 'infatuation; I asked what type of Visa does he have at present, he has a business Visa. I've met a few foreign born folk, specifically African men, who seek marriage for U.S. citizenship. I'm not naive, and do'nt even mind that he might need that, but the potential for deception and relationship coercion, is causing me concern. He continues to 'mention' tales of his family business/farm in India, his homes in France, Sweden, London, and that he can/wants to 'take care of me'. I shared this with my mom, and she said that she would be suspicious. I have stopped returning calls, and made a final statement that I will not be coerced into anything. He has changed his tuned. Now, he is saying that he has 'bonded' with me, let's continue to see one another, talk and learn one another-- besides his 'family can't wait to 'meet' me; and that he "hopes I was'nt under the impression that I was being pushed"; and if I am not going to at least allow 'us' to be open to something, than perhaps he should move back to San Francisco, where he is opening up a restaurant. I stated that he do what is best for him; his reply was that Americans do'nt know what they want, but others from more traditional cultures do. I have encouraged him to 'keep looking'; to which he became 'upset'. Is he from Denmark? Does he perceive me as gullible? Trust my gut. Has anyone had dealings with men/people from India?

Sidenote: This is the third east Indian that has hit on me in the last 2-3 months. What's in the curry lol? Eek




I have a lot of indian friends. Most likely he wants citizen ship or some booty. From the talks that i have had with male and female east indian friends of mine, they normally stay with in their culture. Im sure his parents dont want to meet you. They have a strict class system in india. My friend kripa's dad doesnt want her to marry her boyfriend because his family doesnt have as much as they do. He is up to something. be careful and do not leave the country with this man. Stay within US borders. dont want to hear about you on the national news for killing him or him killing you.
HonestBrotherHonestBrotherA1
quote:
Originally posted by Latrice520:
quote:
Originally posted by nayo:
Last month, I met a gentleman from northern India, who after our first date, declared that like Neo in 'The Matrix', I was 'the one'. Initially I was flattered, but that soon gave way to annoyance. I wanted to go to the movies, go shopping, go to dinner etc., He insisted that as he had determined that I was 'the one', that any further pursuit of this 'friendship' was going towards marriage, I was to go to India to meet his mother/family. This after three weeks I questioned his sincerity and possible need for a green card,(not to him) my ability to 'work with this'. I determined that I did not want to give him more, at such an extremely early juncture; he determined that any more time spent together was a waste, if we weren't heading toward a commitment. wth? . I'm not certain where cultural norms impacted his designs on me, and where, deception was at play. I want[ed] a 'friendship' with him; but he wants way more, way to soon, than I am willing to go for.
I am alarmed at his insistence that three weeks after meeting him, he is talking committment. I want a friendship and then, want to ˜see' if there is something more. I cannot express this more plainly, but he is insisting that I drop everything and be with him, like that. That is not realistic, so that's why the question of the 'green-card' seems like the probable reason for his 'infatuation; I asked what type of Visa does he have at present, he has a business Visa. I've met a few foreign born folk, specifically African men, who seek marriage for U.S. citizenship. I'm not naive, and do'nt even mind that he might need that, but the potential for deception and relationship coercion, is causing me concern. He continues to 'mention' tales of his family business/farm in India, his homes in France, Sweden, London, and that he can/wants to 'take care of me'. I shared this with my mom, and she said that she would be suspicious. I have stopped returning calls, and made a final statement that I will not be coerced into anything. He has changed his tuned. Now, he is saying that he has 'bonded' with me, let's continue to see one another, talk and learn one another-- besides his 'family can't wait to 'meet' me; and that he "hopes I was'nt under the impression that I was being pushed"; and if I am not going to at least allow 'us' to be open to something, than perhaps he should move back to San Francisco, where he is opening up a restaurant. I stated that he do what is best for him; his reply was that Americans do'nt know what they want, but others from more traditional cultures do. I have encouraged him to 'keep looking'; to which he became 'upset'. Is he from Denmark? Does he perceive me as gullible? Trust my gut. Has anyone had dealings with men/people from India?

Sidenote: This is the third east Indian that has hit on me in the last 2-3 months. What's in the curry lol? Eek




I have a lot of indian friends. Most likely he wants citizen ship or some booty. From the talks that i have had with male and female east indian friends of mine, they normally stay with in their culture. Im sure his parents dont want to meet you. They have a strict class system in india. My friend kripa's dad doesnt want her to marry her boyfriend because his family doesnt have as much as they do. He is up to something. be careful and do not leave the country with this man. Stay within US borders. dont want to hear about you on the national news for killing him or him killing you.


yeah

BTW, wel to the board, Latrice520... Smile
F folobatuyiA1
quote:
Originally posted by Latrice520:
My cousin married a guy from Nigeria. It was a greencard marriage. He had his girlfriend from Nigeria staying with them and telling us that she was his niece but we knew better. the old people in the family didnt know how to handle it. They talked about them to their faces. My cousin had a great job with the IRS. Pretty big insurance policy. My cousin had asthma really bad. He made one of his dishes rfom back home and added something that she was allergic to. When she wasnt able to breath and asked him to take her to the hospital, he wouldnt. Her children witnessed this. She drive her self to the hospital. Wound up going into cardiac arrest and died at age 33. He sold everything she had the next day. When her sons got home from school their mother's things were gone. Didnt give them a chance to get what they wanted to remember her. That bastard got deported and is in jail for embeslement. For weeks her sons ran away from school and sat on the steps of their old house all day long. I think green card marraiges are dangerous. No one should try it.



Thanks for sharing, Latrice520. I am really sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your cousin. I have heard and seen many awlful stories like yours. The sad part is that so many folks including my self still go ahead and participate in the marriage/business arrangement only to end in a bad result despite the warning signs.
F folobatuyiA1
quote:
Originally posted by nayo:
Last month, I met a gentleman from northern India, who after our first date, declared that like Neo in 'The Matrix', I was 'the one'. Initially I was flattered, but that soon gave way to annoyance. I wanted to go to the movies, go shopping, go to dinner etc., He insisted that as he had determined that I was 'the one', that any further pursuit of this 'friendship' was going towards marriage, I was to go to India to meet his mother/family. This after three weeks I questioned his sincerity and possible need for a green card,(not to him) my ability to 'work with this'. I determined that I did not want to give him more, at such an extremely early juncture; he determined that any more time spent together was a waste, if we weren't heading toward a commitment. wth? . I'm not certain where cultural norms impacted his designs on me, and where, deception was at play. I want[ed] a 'friendship' with him; but he wants way more, way to soon, than I am willing to go for.
I am alarmed at his insistence that three weeks after meeting him, he is talking committment. I want a friendship and then, want to ˜see' if there is something more. I cannot express this more plainly, but he is insisting that I drop everything and be with him, like that. That is not realistic, so that's why the question of the 'green-card' seems like the probable reason for his 'infatuation; I asked what type of Visa does he have at present, he has a business Visa. I've met a few foreign born folk, specifically African men, who seek marriage for U.S. citizenship. I'm not naive, and do'nt even mind that he might need that, but the potential for deception and relationship coercion, is causing me concern. He continues to 'mention' tales of his family business/farm in India, his homes in France, Sweden, London, and that he can/wants to 'take care of me'. I shared this with my mom, and she said that she would be suspicious. I have stopped returning calls, and made a final statement that I will not be coerced into anything. He has changed his tuned. Now, he is saying that he has 'bonded' with me, let's continue to see one another, talk and learn one another-- besides his 'family can't wait to 'meet' me; and that he "hopes I was'nt under the impression that I was being pushed"; and if I am not going to at least allow 'us' to be open to something, than perhaps he should move back to San Francisco, where he is opening up a restaurant. I stated that he do what is best for him; his reply was that Americans do'nt know what they want, but others from more traditional cultures do. I have encouraged him to 'keep looking'; to which he became 'upset'. Is he from Denmark? Does he perceive me as gullible? Trust my gut. Has anyone had dealings with men/people from India?

Sidenote: This is the third east Indian that has hit on me in the last 2-3 months. What's in the curry lol? Eek


It would be a rare day of rain in hell before I acually see an East Indiam guy marry a black sista. Not to bust your bubble, but I am a frank realist and afterliving in New Jersey for * years (college and med school), I am sure that this affair is only for a fling...As L520 pointed, East Indians are strictly caste-restricted and being black, we are considered by them as equal to the untouchables who tend to be dark-skinned as us. Northern East Indians tend to be fair-skinned. I am sure that his parents would not be the most welcoming to you becoming part of the family.

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