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A number of posters have suggested that I am a bitter woman. Okay, if that's what you think, cool. You're entitled to your opinions.

But I'm not bitter. And I DO NOT hate white women or black men.

I have a degree. I am a homemaker. I stay at home and take care of my family. My husband earns a very good income, so we can afford it.

I am friends with a number of women in my neighborhood. Most of them are white. Four of whom have black husbands, who are professionals.

A few times a week, I get together with these white women. We have tea. Go to lunch. We food shop together.

Frequently our kids sell catalog merchandise for school projects and we support one another's endeavors by purchasing candles, candy or cookie dough.

Not too long ago, one of my white neighbors threw a sex toy party and I attended it.

There are two black women who dwell out here, and GUESS WHAT, they are both single moms, paying their bills, making sure their children are sent to school, making sure their kids are fed. They juggle work responsibilities while taking care of their kids needs. "Girl, it's rough," one lady told me. "You are lucky you're married and not doing it all by yourself."

My heart goes out to her. She shouldn't be doing it alone.

A man should be helping her raise those children. A man helped her make them.

So, when I see white women who are stay at home moms, being supported by black men and then I see a black woman who is a single mom, I think, 'Something is wrong with this picture.'

I wonder, Why are my sistas struggling, while some black men are making life easier for white women?

Yes, I have reflected on it.

Black men regularly insult black women, and sadly, some black women don't even see it.

I used to do lingerie shows. I saw many black men pursuing white women with alacrity.

They wined and dined those chicks. Bought them flowers, chocolates, gave them bling. Gave 'em money towards bills.

Now, hey, that man works. And he is free to spend his money on who and what he wants to spend it on. And if he wants to spend his benjamins on white women, that's his choice.

I would listen to white girls talk about how this or that black man is sooo much fun, how he took her to the comedy club, out to see a play, a show, a concert.

"Oh, he's the most fun guy I've ever dated," one told me.

I suspect the bastard was showing off, trying to impress that so-called white goddess.

And one night, Terry, one of those black men, who wined and dined white chicks asked me, "You wanna go have a drink?" Immediately, I didn't like how it sounded.

But I agreed.

We went to a watering hole. He had two adult beverages and I had one. Long story short. "Wanna go back to my place," he said seductively.

Now, he wines and dines the white chicks, spends big bucks on them, but he buys me a drink and expects sex for doing so.

"Kiss my ass," I told him in a tone as sweet as a canister of sugar. I left the restaurant.

In a used bookstore, I found THE MAYFLOWER MADAM, which was about Sidney Biddles Barrows, a socialite who ran an escort service.

She said she had one black escort, who was beautiful, articulate and outgoing. But rarely did "customers"--she should have said johns-- request this woman's services. "Even the black men were not interested in going out with her," the Mayflower Madam had written.

I guess the black bastards felt if they were going to pay for pussy, they were going to buy the white stuff, the so-called prime stuff.

Sighing over here. Girls, most black men DO NOT want us. The fact that so many lovely, educated black women are alone is proof of that.

And one thing that makes me want to throw up and it happens all too frequently--when I'm out and about, oftentimes, I see black men with white women and I HATE it when he surreptitiously eyes me appreciatively. Isn't he happy with his white slut?
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DAMN!!! We get the point - YOU believe Black men are trifling, no good, etc...

If that sweeping generalization makes you feel good about the choices you've made & the attitudes you hold, fine. But, PLEASE (really please, baby, baby, baby, please!), stop trying to spread your disdain for brothers around here. Every topic like this you post is a slap & spit in the face of all of the Black men here (you do know the owner of this board is a brother, right?). bang If nothing else, please don't create a new thread everyday, just to diss Black men.

Love, heart

A Black man that does not fall into any of your stereotypes.
quote:
I know a situation where two white girls showed a black man a good time.

Now any woman who would do something like that is loose. Horrible. Vulgar. Disgusting. Repugnant. She is aberrant.

He lays down with that pig and then brings home a disease to a black woman.

And I wonder how many other black men has she had threesomes with? And does she know the sexual histories of the other studs she fucked?

I highly doubt it.

Black men sleep with those nasty creatures and infect black women with diseases.

Dating between black men and white women is largely about sex. So, they both are promiscuous.


For someone who says she isn't bitter, doesn't hate white women and black men, its very hard to belive you're not just fooling yourself. Because it's apparent to the most people here - that is exactly what you are doing.
Taffy I sympathize with you, you sound like you've been hurt or you know alot of people that have. I'm not going to say that you hate Black men, maybe this is just what you have been exposed to. There are Black men out there who are nothing like the ones you have been running into. Our men need our support and love, not destructive criticism and bashing. Sometimes we all fall short of what we aspire to be. Black men have been through alot in this country and are still going through alot, let's strive to lift our men up since everyone else is tearing them down.
quote:
Originally posted by blackbutterfly:
Taffy I sympathize with you, you sound like you've been hurt or you know alot of people that have. I'm not going to say that you hate Black men, maybe this is just what you have been exposed to. There are Black men out there who are nothing like the ones you have been running into. Our men need our support and love, not destructive criticism and bashing. Sometimes we all fall short of what we aspire to be. Black men have been through alot in this country and are still going through alot, let's strive to lift our men up since everyone else is tearing them down.


You raise a EXCELLENT point, but bear in mind, that black women need somebody to uplift her. And black men can't handle the job. Also, in the post I wrote this a.m., I fail to see where I was dismantling black men.

Terry wined and dined white women and he bought me a drink and expected me to have sex with him. Am I not supppsed to resent that?

Also, you talk about all that black men have been through. The operative words are been through.

Half of the ills in the modern day black community have been caused by black men, deserting women and leaving them to raise children single-handedlly.

The world is overflowing with black juvenile delinquents and recalcitrant teens and maybe if their black fathers had remained in their lives, they would have chosen different paths.
Taffy, Welcome to the site. wel You have a right to express your opinion. Never allow a person or the majority to make you think your views have to comply with the thread norm. You came to this site as an individual and you should participate as one. thanks

What I love about this site is that everybody has a right to express his or her opinion. What I think is imprudent is to chastise someone because they have different experiences and thus a different point of view. I don't think you hate Black men, I think you hate what you see your sisters going through. What some on this site believe is that to speak your truth is to be un-Black, not down with the cause. I have never allowed someone who has a different life experience from me to define my point of view.

My comments have been agreed with and disagreed with, I have been call incendiary. So speak your truth my sister, you are living it. I for one support you right to speak your truth. tfro
quote:
The world is overflowing with black juvenile delinquents and recalcitrant teens and maybe if their black fathers had remained in their lives, they would have chosen different paths.

Why aren't these men there?
Every problem has a cause. We need to uplift each other. I agree alot of the "ills" that you speak of are real. Black men have failed us to some degree and in return we have failed them.
quote:
Originally posted by Nikcara:
Taffy, Welcome to the site. wel You have a right to express your opinion. Never allow a person or the majority to make you think your views have to comply with the thread norm. You came to this site as an individual and you should participate as one. thanks

What I love about this site is that everybody has a right to express his or her opinion. What I think is imprudent is to chastise someone because they have different experiences and thus a different point of view. I don't think you hate Black men, I think you hate what you see your sisters going through. What some on this site believe is that to speak your truth is to be un-Black, not down with the cause. I have never allowed someone who has a different life experience from me to define my point of view.

My comments have been agreed with and disagreed with, I have been call incendiary. So speak your truth my sister, you are living it. I for one support you right to speak your truth. tfro


No one is denying her right to an OPINION - we are just expressing ours in response. Maybe as a Black man, I should bend over & let taffy kick me in the ass too! If someone insults me (her statements are about Black men, not SOME Black men), I have a right to challenge it! Anytime someone makes such sweeping generalizations with only anecdotes as "proof", they should be prepared to be challenged.

I guess my successful marriage & the successful marriages of friends (Black men & women) are figments of my imagination. What irks me most is that a brother would have been read the riot act if he posted the analogue of taffy's view. No one would step up to provide understanding - He'd be out there, flapping in the wind with a target on his back.
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Nikcara:
I don't think you hate Black men, I think you hate what you see your sisters going through. What some on this site believe is that to speak your truth is to be un-Black, not down with the cause. I have never allowed someone who has a different life experience from me to define my point of view. QUOTE]


Thanks for the welcome and for totally understanding where I'm coming from. I don't hate black men, but I want black women to see them for the self-serving, egotist that many of them are.

I want black women to stop being a doormat, stop being there for them. They aren't there for most of us, which is why there are so many single moms, etc and nubile black women who are alone.
quote:
I don't think you hate Black men, I think you hate what you see your sisters going through.


DD:
NO SALE td6

I'm all for people expressing themselves but come on...

I'm not sure what you are reading but her post clearly show bitteness and down right hatred for black men and white women NOT a hatre for "what is being done to the sisters" blah blah blah.


She has constantly made sweeping inditements and generalzations of the most hateful nature about black men and white women. And if her objective and focus was on the treatment of black women she wouldn't have opened the topic with sharing how she is bothered by brothers dating white women.
Midlife Man, now you want to tell somebody how to write, but you are not telling her what to say. bs

"I'm not sure what you are reading but her post clearly show bitteness and down right hatred for black men and white women NOT a hatre for "what is being done to the sisters" blah blah blah."

If you are reading this thread, then we are reading the same thing. The problem is we each comprehend the words differently.
You can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.

It is not that black men do not want black women. It is that men, period, do not want to deal with women who are going to punish them for past failed relationships.

Women are women, race does not matter as men will never understand you not matter how we try. We don't get your moods and we certainly are not mind readers. We like to keep things simple but for some reason you expect that we know how or what you want or expect from us.
I love and respect women (my mother is one of my role models, so is my dad) but I will not put up with shit as life is too short.
I expect that if I date a woman that I will not have to listen to a sorry assed tale about the guy who did her wrong (it is not only women who make this mistake- just two months ago I counselled a male friend who was divorced about making this fatal dating error)
taffy,

Reluctantly, I am inclined to agree with much of what you say. I say reluctantly because it implies that I fall into that generalization. However, I understand that whether I fall into that generalization or not, holds absolutely no relevance towards validating the problem in the black community, that you vociferously pointed out.

My only suggestion is that we do a critical analysis of the social and emotional factors that create said problem instead of making generalizations of the outcome.

Two(of the many) factors I'd like to point out.

Black women are superfluously suspicious of black men's love and appreciation for them. Tie in the fact that black women live much of their lives not receiving their due and appropriate praise for their many, many, many, accomplishments, and you will understand how and why they interpret black men the way they do.

Black men have a high regard and respect for black women that remains unnoticed. Many of us would rather sow our royal (what's that word), with white women, game them and shame them, but not claim them. Not to say that while we are living our short spell of irresponisiblity and immaturity, there aren't any innocent black female bystanders.

I think what should be noted, is a lack of maturity and responsiblity on behalf of black men. NOT a lack of love and appreciation for black women, which is a hasty misinterpretation.
here's another perspective. and that is, it's all too weird for me. not the sex toy party itself, the participants, lol.

Question 1: what are all these 'whole, perfect, supposedly, successful females' doing at a neighbourhood sex toy party? Sounds to me like they're a little lacking in sex, imagination and entertainment options.

Question 2: if you were so concerned about the single black women at the party (who seemingly could afford to buy sex toys - or are they cheap as chips? I don't know.) then why not give them some money instead of buying sex toys yourself.
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