Former lovers...

Define "lovers". Are you implying a monogamous relationship, i.e. girlfriend/boyfriend or just casual? What would I be contacting them for; just to say hi or to rekindle something?

Without more information, I would have to say no. There would be no reason for me to contact any of them. Besides, they're all back in California.

This was a former fling from college. I was just contacting to say "Hi". It's been a number of years since I've seen this person greater than 10 years. I didn't even think that this person would be married, and I was right.
I literally wanted to just say hi to this person and see how they were doing. BUT they kept the conversation going after I wanted to back out of it. For days on end. So I felt a little bit uncomfortable because of that. I feel like they went a little too far.

quote:

Originally posted by Seventies Soulchild:
This was a former fling from college. I was just contacting to say "Hi". It's been a number of years since I've seen this person greater than 10 years. I didn't even think that this person would be married, and I was right.
I literally wanted to just say hi to this person and see how they were doing. BUT they kept the conversation going after I wanted to back out of it. For days on end. So I felt a little bit uncomfortable because of that. I feel like they went a little too far.

Wait THEY went a little too far?? But YOU called THEM!!

I've contacted past lovers, sure. Just to check in, see how their lives have evolved. Make sure they were okay, stuff like that. Nothing with the intent to hook back up.

quote:

Originally posted by Seventies Soulchild:
Have any of you all ever contacted a former lover after several years of being apart? I did this recently and I don't think it was a bad thing BUT not necessarily a good thing. What do you all think about this? Is this something that you would do?

Great topic! And welcome to the forum. It's nice to see new members joining AA.org.

To answer your question, I had contacted a former lover once before, and it turned out to be a really bad decision, but that was because the relationship between myself and this man was not good from the very beginning. Iylanla Vanzant, author of In The Meantime: Finding Yourself And The Love You Want (1998) said that "If you want to know how a rekindled relationship will be once you reconnect with someone, simply recall why the relationship ended." No truer words have been spoken. After reconnecting with this person, I quickly realized that his interests and goals had not changed, and instead of being more compatible, we were even less compatible than we had been before. Therefore, needliness to say, I really don't advise anyone to go back in time to reach out to an old flame unless he or she feels the relationship did not get the time and attention that it deserved.

Otherwise, stay optimistic and keep moving forward.

Hope this helps.

Hey Rowe!
Thanks for the advice on this. Maybe I didn't give enough background information on this.
Ok this person was someone again that I had a fling with in my freshman year of college. We were both 18 years old. So to make a long story short, now we have a lot in common ironically enough. Even at times, I've discovered that we've actually lived less than an hour away from each other. I don't want to rekindle any romance with this person, but ladies, he was my first lover.
SisterSouljah, I hear what you're saying, but I did express my intent just to check in on him and to see how he was doing. But one thing led to another and we started talking about stuff from this point in our lives, etc. Now he's been e-mailing me on almost a daily basis. This is what I'm feeling a little uncomfortable about. I mean he turned out to be a great guy and has done wonderful things in life, but...
a sister is looking for a man who's about six feet tall, dark and handsome. He fits the handsome part, but he still has some growing to do and needs a deeper tan. LOL

quote:

Originally posted by Seventies Soulchild:
Have any of you all ever contacted a former lover after several years of being apart? I did this recently and I don't think it was a bad thing BUT not necessarily a good thing. What do you all think about this? Is this something that you would do?

doesn't seem like a good idea. why bring up old stuff? they are exes for a reason