For the GOOD Brothas:(Dating outside you race)

I've listened to black women bitch & moan long enough to know what they mean by "good" black man; in some ways I measure up ($$$), and in some ways I don't (profile); so I dunno if I qualify as one of the "good" ones. But I'm getting hip to the fact that ALOT of black women (I MEAN ALOT OF BLACK WOMEN) are desparately longing for this "ideal black man" they feel they deserve. Also, it seems alot of black women got it in their heads that "there ain't no good black men around"; that they out-number black men; and that women from other ethnicities are taking most of the "good black men away from them (I'm up for dating outside my ethnic group, but I'm really attracted to black women).

The validity of these percepitons will always be up for debate, but- in light of these perspectives- I've weighed my opitons...and I come out smelling like a rose.

True story. I was looking to buy a house in this nice area. I came across this nice house with a "For Sale by Owner" sign. I started writing down the Owner's number. As I'm writing the number down, 6 attractive black women were walking down the block in my direction...I heard them cuz they were getting ready to argue amongst themselves over some shit. As soon as they all saw me jotting down the number, some of the women in the group said "Shhhh" to the other women-shutting them up. As they walked pass me they were DEAD SILENT. They even walked slower!

I'm guessing they put 2 and 2 together, assumed that I was financially secure, and gave me an chance to make my move (which is perfectly fine). Why do I assume this? Well, I'm a nice guy, but I don't have that kind of effect on women, especially black women. Bottom-line: 6 attractive black women (who normally wouldn't have anything to do with me) made themselves receptive to me..AND I DIDN'T SAY ONE WORD. How's that for options?

Granted, their interest in me was $$$-related, but, to be fair, it's not like I was interested in them for their "sparkling conversation".

...What can I say? I didn't make this world, I'm just trying to live in it.

Cakeaholic...You may be a good guy, but you are one of few.

This was BS......

Have you seen the stats concerning black women in this age group?

We're in college/grad school........while the brothas are sitting on their azzes!!

No, i think its time for black women....to weight their options.



*When is this BS going to end*

quote:

Originally posted by qty226:
Cakeaholic...You may be a good guy, but you are one of few.

quote:

Have you seen the stats concerning black women in this age group?

We're in college/grad school........while the brothas are sitting on their azzes!!

quote:

*When is this BS going to end*

Is this the BS you were referring to?

to qty226 just because your in college doesn't make you a superior person I have a degree too, but I don't wear that on my sleeve. College is not for everyone. I was really just speaking on the frustration of the whole "good guys finish last premise" Im a strong believer in people can only treat you the way you let them. Women sharing men, having a bunch of kids by different fathers thats BS. Not saying that about every woman, but the dynamic between black women and black men(seeking serious relatiionships) wont improve utill black women say NO I wont give my myself to some guy because he has a nice car, or ice or whatever BS reason but because hes loyal, a good canidate if I do get pregnant hes a stand up guy will take care of his resposibility, has drive even if its not to go to school because honestly black females get more a pass in corporate america than we do. But on the flip side black men have to step up their game to but its hard when you act like a fool you get all the ladies. If change is going to occur Black women really have to lead the way, most men are motivated by sex and if the playas are out here gettin theres what does that say?

If you want a black man that's a go-getter, but keep ending up with guys who just sit on their asses all day, playing the Play Station, then your decision-making skills need some work.

But I agree with most of what you said, qty226, black women have the right to weigh their options. But while I still believe that there are number of good black men out there, black women also have the right to EXPAND THEIR HORIZONS. Why put-up with Black Mens Bull Shit, when there are good Latinos, Asians, West Indians- and you guessed it- White guys out there that can do a better job a appreciating black women, and make them happy? Some black guys (not all) hook-up with women outside their ethnic group without a second thought, perhaps many disappointed black women should follow suit.

As long as black women continue to judge black men according to European standard they will never be satisfied or happy, Black men will never be and can never be white men in this society.See what most of you college educated sistas fail to realize is your education often educates you out being able to relate to a black man. Read Miseducation of the Negro, Carter G Woodson. We are in a time period were black men are forced to think outside the box .We are creative unorthodox, we have to be to survive in this society. Until black women appreciate those black men who goes against thee grain and try new things, new ways to make it, she will for ever be dissapointed.

Cakeaholic.......if you cant seem to find a black woman...that doesnt 'look' for men, for financial gain, then maybe you should try to figure out why you are attracted to these type of women. I know many, many black women, that are NOT looking for financial gain from black men.

Max.....excellent point!! I hope Cakeaholic read this!

Zakar......I agree with you.

Most educated black women, with common sense.....understands what black men are going through. On campus, we (black women) often talk about, how black men are targeted and no one helps or motivate them (or us). I've also mentioned, that i know that i've been given opportunities, that others have not. I never degrade or push black men aside.....

We are bashed on a daily basis, by society, and black men are constantly bashing us.

If this is the case....then just leave us alone. We'll be ok.

Im done with this!!

quote:

Originally posted by cakeaholic:
I as a self proclaimed good guy meaning (I have goals, ambitions, and believes if you are with a women you don't get another one until that relationship is over.) I have many friends good guys and Dogs, and as far as which group gets the most girls Dogs win hands down. I know to a guy that is really genuine its frusterating. I just have a question for the good brothas, have you weighed your options? I know that nobodys perfect but, in this day and age where tv has brainwashed so many of sistas in my age range(18-25) where you basically cant talk to them unless you have an SUV sittin on rims, not to say that every women is a certain way but alot of group think is going on. So good guys who say they only want a black women but are having problems finding one, I sugggest not judging someone on their color but their mindset. I feel with so many women with poor mindsets (Only being interested in men for BS superficial reasons like money,cars,clothes) nowadays that you shouldnt limit yourself with only one race. If you find someone that wants to fall in love, and not saying I have to be married by 28, or someone having unproteced sex with some knuckle head and wonders why hes not living up to his resposibility when the baby comes and realize relationships means two people bringing something to the table, AND making life as easy as possible for the other mate even if roles are reversed where shes the bread winner its all good. Also beware of Women who proclaims they are High Matinence!!!!

very good points...however, i dont think this a race based issue. Many flavors of gold diggers out there. I think people, in choosing a date or a mate, should not look at race. We never know who God has sent us to love

Qty, I don't get it. You're going to have to help me out here...

quote:

Originally posted by qty226:
Cakeaholic...You may be a good guy, but you are one of few.

quote:

Have you seen the stats concerning black women in this age group?

We're in college/grad school........while the brothas are sitting on their azzes!!

But...

quote:

Originally posted by qty226:
On campus, we (black women) often talk about, how black men are targeted and no one helps or motivate them (or us). I've also mentioned, that i know that i've been given opportunities, that others have not. I never degrade or push black men aside.....

Translation please...?

Black Viking....

Take a look at the subject matter......and Cakeaholics reasons why he wants to date outside of his race. I therefore defended black women in MY age group.


My last comment was for Zakar........allowing him to realize that 'we' are thinking about decent black men, that are NOT bashing us.

Was that easy enough to understand?

quote:

Originally posted by qty226:
My last comment was for Zakar........allowing him to realize that 'we' are thinking about decent black men, that are NOT bashing us.

Was that easy enough to understand?

Qty, if it's ever going to get better between black men and black women, mutual understanding will be necessary. And what sistas don't seem to understand is that for us men EVERYTHING in this society bashes us starting with the POLICE and including black women. It's extremely difficult to be a "decent man" and not hold some bitterness towards women. Every "decent man" has experienced being passed over for a dog. Come on?! You sistas claim to want men who understand what you go through every day while at the same time refusing us the same privilege. Mercy and compassion start at home.

Was that easy enough to understand?

HB

I agree, that mutual understanding is necessary.

But what im finding.......is that most (AA's/blacks) are looking for excuses to either bash, or remove themselves from our life situations.

Im interning for a criminal defense firm. I know what black men are going through.....i see it everyday. I've chosen this career.....because i could not stand back and do nothing!!!!!!

When black men say, that they no longer want us but want white women, because we dont understand, or we pick dogs.........this is simply not true!!

For me personally.....its hard for me to 'step up', and fight with black men daily.......but then have them stab me in the back.

At some point......i'll get tired of fighting.

quote:

Originally posted by qty226:
But what im finding.......is that most (AA's/blacks) are looking for excuses to either bash, or remove themselves from our life situations.
............................................
For me personally.....its hard for me to 'step up', and fight with black men daily.......but then have them stab me in the back.

At some point......i'll get tired of fighting.

Qty, I feel ya. But a lot of guys are saying the same thing. I'm not doubting your words, but, speaking for myself, I don't feel the understanding coming from the sistas. I just look up and see one male bashing session after another in Essence or Oprah or whatever.

And this:

quote:

Im interning for a criminal defense firm. I know what black men are going through.....i see it everyday. I've chosen this career.....because i could not stand back and do nothing!!!!!!

is NOBLE! You deserve our collective gratitude

I SHOULD GET ALL THE BLACK WOMEN NOW

Bishop Don Juan
You are 95% Black!!!
Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn!! You are black and don't let anyone else tell you differently. You are a true P.I.M.P., the Muthafuggun' Bishop Don Juan! U betta watch yo self. Now you know why you can't get a cab, get a mortgage and have shop owners following you around where ever you go in their stores. It's good to know there are other black people out there on OkCupid.com. Now let's go out there and turn dis mutha out!



My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 99% on Blackness

I think you posted this on the wrong thread.

You might have to work a litle harder to quote, "get all the black women now" though!

For me, growing up in an all white town i had no choice, but now it's different. The only thing I have ever wanted from men, be they Black White Latino whatever, was respect. Respect me as a female and a person, not someone that you can push around.

I dated several men, black and white, that were disrespectful to and those relationships didn't last long. There was one guy who even went so far as to tell me
"you should be happy that I'm here with you. I could be out with some other girl."
Now why would that make me want to be with you?

Too many black women are searching for "good black men" in all the wrong places.

I'd like you to expand on your comment blackblogger, coz that's not quite what I'm 'hearing' in the previous posts.

I'm hearing there is an invisible shield of miscommunication. And not a lot of opportunity - perhaps - for re-examination.

People dynamics are never cut-and-dried ... let alone gender identity and politics... we are all way too complicated creatures for that.
Something is going hay-wire and it needs to be discussed, and disected and explored. I think it's fantastic that on this site both sexes are walking the talk and trying.
.