it seems that black men and women are so into being angry with one another that it's no wonder they have a hard time getting together. it makes me sad, really. Frown

the brothers are saying hurtful things, the sisters are saying hurtful things. why don't we take some time to say something positive about each other for once? i'd love it if radio raheem, who started this thread would start by saying something nice about the ladies.

alot of what brothers complain about seeing on this site from women really amounts to women feeling they need to defend themselves for being in a difficult situation. alot of what women complain about on this site is black men being also feeling the need to defend themselves. don't you think so too?
quote:
Originally posted by little minx:


i'd love it if radio raheem, who started this thread would start by saying something nice about the ladies.



I started this thread because I thought that it provided women with some good dating advice. Honest. Soon this thread turned into, like other threads, a battleground for negativity. I backed away from this thread for that reason. As for posting something 'nice' for the ladies, i've found that no matter what I post, be it pictures of beautiful sisters, dating advice, honest perspectives from a single male's point of view, song lyrics/music video links, etc I get nothing but crapped on. It's like yelling at the deaf or doing sign language for the blind. I will continue to post articles, give 'my take' on said articles, post pics/videos, etc...but I refuse to 'post something nice' when it is forced or phony..other than to say that I am glad that SOME of the women here SEEMS to have SOMEWHAT OF AN OPEN mind to hearing the OPINIONS of the single men gathered here. Too many other women are eager to hear the relationship advice of OPRAHtypes who have been married zero days and have 'relationships' that are not desireable [unless Steadman-Oprah type relationship 'deals' are what single women are seeking]. It is not my job to 'boost' self-esteem of the 'ladies' here, that's Essence's job and they do it very well [look at their rag-azine sales everymonth]. If I can be only one thing on here, I choose to be real. thanks
so much for dropping the defensiveness. can't say i'm shocked, though. after i wrote that post i figured you'd object (as well as others). god forbid someone suggest something overtly positive on this site. sometimes i think the negativity thing is just rampant 'round these parts of the web. . . . debate does not always have to equal animosity. nevermind. but thanks for the positive things you've said, and thanks for trying to give advice from your perspective on how women can improve relationships. i appreciate that, and all of the productive comments that brothers have made on this thread.
No objections from me minx - but I did notice that you DID NOT call on ANY sisters to say something positive about the men. I agree with RR (again) - there is no reason to be phony when we're here to give our perspectives.
quote:
I'm from the MD area, educated in DC[Georgetown U], returned to DC after grad school and have found that black women are the least approachable women of the all. Many DC black men agree with me on this.


"Least approachable?" Can you elaborate on this? Do you mean to say that Black women in Washington, DC are the most intimidating? And if so, whhat do you find so intimidating about these women?

quote:
Have you ever been to Georgetown? Adams Morgan? [ALL HIGH RENT DISTRICTS AND FULL OF PROFESSIONAL BROTHERS] Brothers are available, they just are choosing other.


Yes to both questions. And the reason why brothers in these two areas are often seen with "other women" is because, Adams Morgan, Georgetown especially, are multiracial areas. I shop in these areas and they are heavily populated with people from all races and ethnic groups. Because of its many clothing stores, restaurants, pubs, and coffee houses, Georgetown is also a popular tourist spot. In any event, your comment does bring to mind another suggestion that I would like to add to the author's list and that is for Black women, and people in general, to become more outgoing. You can't expect to find love simply going to work and then returning home. Compared to antisocial folks, people who are active in the community tend to take a lot less time to find love. If you guys are ever in the Washington, DC area, visit Georgetown, that would be a great place to start, since so many different types of people go there to hang out. The only problem is that you would probably have to pay for parking Frown, which is why I don't take too many trips out into the city.
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quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
I'm from the MD area, educated in DC[Georgetown U], returned to DC after grad school and have found that black women are the least approachable women of the all. Many DC black men agree with me on this.


"Least approachable?" Can you elaborate on this? Do you mean to say that Black women in Washington, DC are the most intimidating? And if so, whhat do you find so intimidating about these women?

**not 'intimidating'[which implies a 'fear'], simply put funky attitudes. You can't even say hello to some of them. Many seems to be in the middle of a very bad day. Too many black women simply hate black men and are holding their past relationships against the next man. I hope that helps you understand a little bit better Smile**

quote:
Have you ever been to Georgetown? Adams Morgan? [ALL HIGH RENT DISTRICTS AND FULL OF PROFESSIONAL BROTHERS] Brothers are available, they just are choosing other.


Yes to both questions. And the reason why brothers in these two areas are often seen with "other women" is because, Adams Morgan, Georgetown especially, are multiracial areas. I shop in these areas and they are heavily populated with people from all races and ethnic groups. Because of its many clothing stores, restaurants, pubs, and coffee houses, Georgetown is also a popular tourist spot. In any event, your comment does bring to mind another suggestion that I would like to add to the author's list and that is for Black women, and people in general, to become more outgoing. You can't expect to find love simply going to work and then returning home. Compared to antisocial folks, people who are active in the community tend to take a lot less time to find love. If you guys are ever in the Washington, DC area, visit Georgetown, that would be a great place to start, since so many different types of people go there to hang out. The only problem is, is that you would probably have to pay for parking Frown, which is why I don't take too many trips out into the city.


Good advice...I agree people need to break the 'creature of habit'. So many folks go to the exact same nightclubs, eatries, bars, etc. Break the cycle, try other places Smile
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
I refuse to 'post something nice' when it is forced or phony. It is not my job to 'boost' self-esteem of the 'ladies' here. If I can be only one thing on here, I choose to be real.


I agree. So why can't we "be real" about Black men's situation in this country? When African-American women talk about how this state of affairs is impacting their lives, why can't you all respectfully acknowledge what you are hearing and reading? Whenever an African-American woman tells people about how the deterioration of her community is impacting her future, all she gets are expressions of disbelief and denial, followed by a list of general dating tips. Well Black women are not apart of the "general" dating population. Their situation is unique. I hate to harp on this, but the truth is, a disproportionate number of men belonging to their racial category are in some pretty messed up situations. I can see if everything in Black communities was going oh so dandy, but they are not. So if we are going to "keep it real," then let's do it and be real about the situation.
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
Many seems to be in the middle of a very bad day. Too many black women simply hate black men and are holding their past relationships against the next man.


So if a lot Black women are having similiar dating experiences, what are we to conclude? Is poor dating experiences something that is unique to Black women? Are Black women just "bad daters?"
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
I refuse to 'post something nice' when it is forced or phony. It is not my job to 'boost' self-esteem of the 'ladies' here. If I can be only one thing on here, I choose to be real.


I agree. So why can't we "be real" about Black men's situation in this country?


When African-American women talk about how this state of affairs is impacting their lives, why can't you all respectfully acknowledge what you are hearing? Whenever an African-American woman tells people about how the deterioration of our communities is impacting her future, all she get is expressions of disbelief and denial, followed by a list of general dating tips. Well Black women are not apart of the "general" dating population. Our situation is unique. I hate to harp on this, but the truth is, a disproportionate number of men belonging to her racial category are in some pretty messed up situations. I can see if everything in Black communities was going oh so dandy, but they are not. So if we are going to "keep it real," then let's do it and be real about this situation.



* I have no problems with reality {I actually prefer it to the self-boosting misinformation often floating about the Black community}, so long as those women acknowledge that they chose to date those guys all by themselves [cherry picked]. It was her choice to date/pursue Joe Thug and Ray-ray and thus it was her 'fault' when they let her down. If you sleep with dogs, you just might wake up with fleas and puppies!!! She also can't blame 'sane' black men that didn't appeal to her 'Ray-Ray' [insane] dating preference, nor expect {those later defined by her} 'desireable' men to want to have anything to do with her after Ray-ray and dem have 'cum' and gone.

Too often I have heard in a sister's list of desireable qualities in a man:
'be childless and he has to be a good role model for my children'.

"I deal in reality, loosen your mind to the truth, but don't get mad at me" - KRS-One Smile

from your posting :"I hate to harp on this, but the truth is, a disproportionate number of men belonging to her racial category are in some pretty messed up situations. "

The same thing can be said about Black women in 'pretty messed up situations'. With 3.1 million single black moms in America in the 'dating' market, you can see how difficult it would be for a single black man, who is childless, seeking a childless black woman. It's hard for both men and women, but too many black women can not see the problems that Black men face.


Again, the overall comments about the black community are completely different from what I am/was talking about. I said this earlier and I'll say it again. Why not start another thread topic on this. Thanks
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
Many seems to be in the middle of a very bad day. Too many black women simply hate black men and are holding their past relationships against the next man.


So if a lot Black women are having similiar dating experiences, what are we to conclude? Is poor dating experiences something that is unique to Black women? Are Black women just "bad daters?"


I would conclude that many young black women make very poor dating choices early in their dating lives. It seems, like Dr Audrey Chapman*******[link below with highlighted quote] has concluded, that many black women are looking to be a savior in their quest to attempt to try to change a bad boy into a good man..as oppose to starting out with a good man and building from there. She [Dr. Chapman]feels that black women would like to feel that their love can change people...only later to realize, for many much too late, that it can't. Dr. Chapman has stated on her radio show, which is on Howard University Radio saturday morning, that this is one of the main reasons why Black women have the lowest marriage rates of all races of women and, at the same time, the highest out of wedlock birthrate. It seem like she [black women] can find a man [i.e. babydaddy], just not the right one [i.e. marriage material] that will marry them and build a family...which should have been her goal in the first place. It all boils down to Choices...choices. Fortunately, not all Black women are this way and I have met quite a few that have not desired to be 'thugged'...but in the DC area, among the younger black women, those are few and far between. But there is hope Smile



*******http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1077/is_6_60/ai_n13453579/pg_2

MISTAKE NO. 1
You're chasing the "bad boy" (AKA the wrong man).

Undeniably, the allure of the "bad boy" is real. What hot-blooded Sister wouldn't want to win in the ultimate love challenge--to be the one woman to make a playa grow up and settle down?

Men also recognize the thrill appeal of being "bad boys" as well, according to World Wrestling Entertainment superstar Shelton Benjamin.

"Some women are intrigued by what they really don't understand," Benjamin explains. "Women just like that tough image ... to go for the biggest, the strongest, the toughest, and that's what the bad boys portray." The professional wrestler, who admits that he is a notorious flirt, adds that it's not impossible to tame a "bad boy" if you catch him at a vulnerable moment, and if you have the patience of Job.

HINT: In most cases, you will not be successful taming a "bad boy" unless he's ready to be tamed, says relationship therapist Audrey B. Chapman, author of Seven Attitude Adjustments for Finding a Loving Man. "Shut down your one-woman help clinic for commitment-phobic men," she warns. "Trying to turn them into marriage-minded partners is a waste of your time and energy."
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
I would conclude that many young black women make very poor dating choices early in their dating lives.


Why do you think no other women are experiencing these problems, at least to this extent? Why do Black women seem to be the only group making "very poor dating choices?"
quote:
Too many black women simply hate black men and are holding their past relationships against the next man.


Hating Black men and holding past relationships against the new relationship prospect are two quite different things. I said what I had to say about baggage in a previous post on this thread; suffice it to say that both men and women have baggage from past relationships and if we're honest, at one time or another, we have all probably given another person some undue grief because we were still reeling from the hurt we experienced in the past. However, most Black women LOVE Black men heart Maybe we don't always show it in ways that would seem appropriate, and the same could be said of Black men.

Often Black women feel like we are carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders (and rightfully so) and we just expect y'all to understand and accommodate us, but we don't always know the best way of going about getting the understanding and affection we really want.

Often Black men feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders (and rightfully so) and you just expect us to understand and accommodate you, but you don't always know the best way of going about getting the understanding and affection you really want.

Let's stop beating each other down and try to figure out how we are going to shoulder this weight together giveup
quote:
Originally posted by powerflower:
Let's stop beating each other down and try to figure out how we are going to shoulder this weight together!


tfro
quote:
Fortunately, not all Black women are this way and I have met quite a few that have not desired to be 'thugged'...but in the DC area, among the younger black women, those are few and far between. But there is hope


Young people make many mistakes. When I was in high school all the guys really went for the homecoming queen/prom queen types. How many of the most popular girls in your high schools are now sitting at home or in some dead end job with way to many kids by a bunch of different guys and/or on drugs? And what about the most popular guys? They are a lot of times, on drugs, in and out of jail, unstable, and that's if they're still alive.
What's cool when you're young is often not what's cool when you get a little age, experience, and maturity.

RR: Have you considered dating older women since the young women you run into give you such a hard way to go?
quote:
Originally posted by powerflower:
RR: Have you considered dating older women since the young women you run into give you such a hard way to go?


"Male Shortage" vs. "Bad Choices"

Sister Powerflower, since you just joined our discussed, I will provide a brief synopsis of what our seven page long thread has been about. The male posters are arguing that Black women are not having satisfying relationships because they make "bad choices." Women posters are arguing that if decent Black men were plentiful, then Black women would have more "better choices" from which to choose. Male posters are denying charges of there being a "male shortgage" and female posters have spent the last seven pages trying to convince them that it is true. So sister, which side are you on? Do you believe that there is a male shortgage or are Black women naturally bad daters who make bad choices.
quote:
Male Shortage" vs. "Bad Choices"

Sister Powerflower, since you just joined our discussed, I will provide a brief synopsis of what our seven page long thread has been about. The male posters are arguing that Black women are not having satisfying relationships because they make "bad choices." Women posters are arguing that if decent Black men were plentiful, then Black women would have more "better choices" from which to choose. Male posters are denying charges of there being a "male shortgage" and female posters have spent the last seven pages trying to convince them that it is true. So sister, which side are you on? Do you think that there is a male shortgage or are Black women naturally bad daters who make bad choices.


I had read the thread, and posted before. I will tell you what I think about the question you posed, but I don't think all the men are saying that all Black women are naturally bad daters/decision makers. I think that people are getting all riled up when they disagree with what someone posts and then they respond emotionally. Hey, I do it too Roll Eyes I don't think the original post was meant to be offensive. I think it was directed at women because it came from a magazine directed at women. I wasn't offended by it.

I remember hearing on the Tom Joyner show the Black male/female ratio of several major cities and it was definately not in our favor. When I was about to go to college I went on a tour of several hbcu's and the ratios there averaged about 6 or 7 to 1. When I was in college I definately felt like the odds were against me. When I graduated and moved back home I felt like things were more in my favor but I am still a single Black woman and I believe I should be having an easier time with the dating world based on the things I have to offer (although some have made single mothers seem like pariahs). I think raw statistics work in the men's favor, but like the men have pointed out there are mitigating factors. To that I would like to add that there are mitigating factors for the females too, so it would seem that the ratio still works in the males' favor. This question has made me take another look around at people I know. I know more single Black women than men. I do think a lot of them have unrealistic expectations of men. Then I started thinking about the men I know. They've got some unrealistic expectations of their own. I guess that's why even people who are in committed relationships have so many problems and questions and confusion just like us single folks. These are people I know, I'm not claiming that it's a scientific study or anything, but I wouldn't be surprised to find that many people have a similar experience. We all make bad decisions in dating male or female. I don't think females are terribly worse at dating than men. For every man that says all Black women have attitude problems, there's a woman saying all Black men are dogs.

I'm tired of looking at this whole thing like a dichotomy.

We all make mistakes or else how would we learn anything. And because someone posts advice doesn't mean that the people the advice is directed at are fools. The article was good advice for anyone, male or female.

There are way too many brothers, dying violently and going to jail, and this does have a major effect on Black women and the community as a whole.

We both need to work on our attitudes toward each other to heal some of the problems we face.
i repeat:

quote:
Originally posted by little minx:
it seems that black men and women are so into being angry with one another that it's no wonder they have a hard time getting together. it makes me sad, really. Frown

the brothers are saying hurtful things, the sisters are saying hurtful things. why don't we take some time to say something positive about each other for once?
alot of what brothers complain about seeing on this site from women really amounts to women feeling they need to defend themselves for being in a difficult situation. alot of what women complain about on this site is black men being also feeling the need to defend themselves. don't you think so too?


do men and women from other races hate each other this much or is it unique to black folks?
quote:
Originally posted by Sandye:
Women are not all looking to blame others for our poor choices.


Yeah but some women are looking to draw sympathy from others for having to ordeal such a "horrible relationship". I don't buy it.

The worst that a woman makes her ex out to sound, the worst it makes her look for staying with that person.


And some women say "Preach to your brethren; maybe they'll listen"....What???
Huh????

Those cats got it too good. They don't have to do anything cause their damaged esteem girlfriend provides everything. They just have to make sure not to show her too much respect and not ever give her the impression that he is fully hers. See this keeps her sense of worth low and leaves her on shaky ground.

These types of brothas aren't bound by ethics or convicted on firm principals like traditional black men.
quote:
Originally posted by powerflower.....
We both need to work on our attitudes toward each other to heal some of the problems we face.



Powerflower,
I totally agree with you and feel that this is one of the wisest statements on this thread....how old are you by the way? and are you a Rutgers graduate? I am from NJ too; Rutgers-Newark, class of 1997

Just wondering....
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by RadioRaheem:
I would conclude that many young black women make very poor dating choices early in their dating lives.


Why do you think no other women are experiencing these problems, at least to this extent? Why do Black women seem to be the only group making "very poor dating choices?"


I think other races [of women] do experiences it, but they seem to grow out of it[i.e. white women pursuing biker type guys, asian and hispanic women seeking out gangmembers, etc]. For Black women, I think, their problem stems from their decisions to have children with bad boy/thug. A choice which has a much longer attachment [a co-parent] than a lady saying 'when I was younger, I use to date gangmembers]. Choices..choices. Too many younger black women seem to operate from the stand point that they are given an infinite number of choices/chances in dating. Black women maybe need to choose wiser, sooner
quote:
Originally posted by powerflower:
quote:
Too many black women simply hate black men and are holding their past relationships against the next man.


Hating Black men and holding past relationships against the new relationship prospect are two quite different things. I said what I had to say about baggage in a previous post on this thread; suffice it to say that both men and women have baggage from past relationships and if we're honest, at one time or another, we have all probably given another person some undue grief because we were still reeling from the hurt we experienced in the past. However, most Black women LOVE Black men heart Maybe we don't always show it in ways that would seem appropriate, and the same could be said of Black men.

Often Black women feel like we are carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders (and rightfully so) and we just expect y'all to understand and accommodate us, but we don't always know the best way of going about getting the understanding and affection we really want.

Often Black men feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders (and rightfully so) and you just expect us to understand and accommodate you, but you don't always know the best way of going about getting the understanding and affection you really want.

Let's stop beating each other down and try to figure out how we are going to shoulder this weight together giveup


I agree with you, but in a convo like this, it's a battle and both sides need to defend their side
quote:
Originally posted by powerflower:


RR: Have you considered dating older women since the young women you run into give you such a hard way to go?


I have dated older women, but too many seem to be trying to 'beat the clock'..the biological clock that is. I'm a very picky dater. As I get older, my motivation of meetind scores of women have gone down. I am currently dating and I can honestly say that if she hadn't approached me, we wouldn't be dating at all
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quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by powerflower:
RR: Have you considered dating older women since the young women you run into give you such a hard way to go?


"Male Shortage" vs. "Bad Choices"

Sister Powerflower, since you just joined our discussed, I will provide a brief synopsis of what our seven page long thread has been about. The male posters are arguing that Black women are not having satisfying relationships because they make "bad choices." Women posters are arguing that if decent Black men were plentiful, then Black women would have more "better choices" from which to choose. Male posters are denying charges of there being a "male shortgage" and female posters have spent the last seven pages trying to convince them that it is true. So sister, which side are you on? Do you believe that there is a male shortgage or are Black women naturally bad daters who make bad choices.


one of the reasons why the black man shortage myth is just that is because not all of the women in that 'ratio' are desireable or seeking positive men in their lives. Women are quick to eliminate men who are non-degreed, but never eliminate women with kids. Which is a 'harder' dating situation?? dating a degree-less man or dating a babymomma? I think the babymomma is harder because her kids must come first in her life and require a great deal of her time. Also, what if the kids don't like the new man? ['you not my real daddy!!'] Can he marry into that situation??

As for 'bad choices' I will take back my comments...you all have convinced me. Dating and mating with in and out of jail drug dealers are the best black men available. I encourage the continuation of this for many more generations to come Smile
Bad decisions prevail.

How come I'm able to spot "Ray Ray" and "Brothaman from the fif flo" with a glance but women can't?

Confused
quote:
Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
Bad decisions prevail.

How come I'm able to spot "Ray Ray" and "Brothaman from the fif flo" with a glance but women can't?

Confused



My thoughts are this........you get, what you are.

I've noticed that most men are afraid to approach me........especially thugs, etc. I can only assume, that "ray ray".......understands that im not the one he should deal with. (I dont know why and i dont care.....im just happy).

..........And believe it or not, this happens to a lot of women.

So when we speak about thugs, playas...etc, im confused because i really dont interact with these type of men. They dislike me.......and for that im grateful!! Smile
quote:
how old are you by the way? and are you a Rutgers graduate? I am from NJ too; Rutgers-Newark, class of 1997


28 y/o I went to school in VA Graduated from Hampton '98 & attended some grad school at VA Tech before returning to NJ
quote:
I agree with you, but in a convo like this, it's a battle and both sides need to defend their side



It's only a battle if we make it one, some of the things people are saying (on either side)are purposefully inflamatory, and it doesn't have to be that way. It takes (at least)two to argue.
quote:
one of the reasons why the black man shortage myth is just that is because not all of the women in that 'ratio' are desireable or seeking positive men in their lives.


But not all of the men in that ratio are desireable or seeking positive women so it doesn't quite even out.
quote:
How come I'm able to spot "Ray Ray" and "Brothaman from the fif flo" with a glance but women can't?


I think we know the tricks and games of our own gender in more detail. For example, I am usually a better judge of character when it comes to the women my male friends/relatives are dating than they are. Some people are obvious, but there are often times when I have pegged a girl for being a gold digger or 'ho' or just plain coniving way before they have a clue.
quote:
Originally posted by powerflower:
quote:
How come I'm able to spot "Ray Ray" and "Brothaman from the fif flo" with a glance but women can't?


Some people are obvious, but there are often times when I have pegged a girl for being a gold digger or 'ho' or just plain coniving way before they have a clue.


And adding to your response, I would like to say that, again, not every failed relationship that a Black woman experiences is the result of her selecting 2-bit hustlers, drug dealors, and losers off the streets. Educated brothers and sisters, with good heads on their shoulders, experience failed relationships too! And no one wakes up in the morning to say, "You know what, today, I want to pick the wrong person for me." Usually, both men and women, will not discover that someone is "wrong" for them until after the relationship has fully developed, because it TAKES TIME to get know someone, and each of us knows that in the onset of a relationship, we typically bring out our representative person first, then reveal who we really are, once we become more comfortable being in the other person's presence. Therefore, a woman may get Brother Reginald, an intelligent, sensitive, and caring brother in the beginning, then after some time passes, finds herself in a failing relationship with Brother "Ray Ray" from the fifth floor.
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by powerflower:
[QUOTE]
Educated brothers and sisters with good heads on their shoulders experience failed relationships as well. And no one wakes up in the morning to say, "You know, today I want to pick the wrong person for me."


Good point ... and a bit of a pisser too.
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by powerflower:
[QUOTE]
Educated brothers and sisters with good heads on their shoulders experience failed relationships as well. And no one wakes up in the morning to say, "You know, today I want to pick the wrong person for me."


Good point ... and a bit of a pisser too.


I also agree with this..........

Rowe, this was excellent.......i didnt think of it this way! tfro
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by powerflower:
quote:
How come I'm able to spot "Ray Ray" and "Brothaman from the fif flo" with a glance but women can't?


Some people are obvious, but there are often times when I have pegged a girl for being a gold digger or 'ho' or just plain coniving way before they have a clue.


And adding to your response, I would like to say that, again, not every failed relationship that a Black woman experiences is the result of her selecting 2-bit hustlers, drug dealors, and losers off the streets. Educated brothers and sisters, with good heads on their shoulders, experience failed relationships too! And no one wakes up in the morning to say, "You know what, today, I want to pick the wrong person for me." Usually, both men and women, will not discover that someone is "wrong" for them until after the relationship has fully developed, because it TAKES TIME to get know someone, and each of us knows that in the onset of a relationship, we typically bring out our representative person first, then reveal who we really are, once we become more comfortable being in the other person's presence. Therefore, a woman may get Brother Reginald, an intelligent, sensitive, and caring brother in the beginning, then after some time passes, finds herself in a failing relationship with Brother "Ray Ray" from the fifth floor.


no, people don't 'wake up' one morning and pursue that 'wrong person', but those people ACTIONS show that they did. Actions are all we can judge here...and unfortunately for many young black women, it's the action of dating/mating a thug. Maybe those women are too young to understand that long term effects of that choice or maybe they were just trying to be a part of the 'in' crowd...whatever. The result is plain as day when numerous black women are not pursuing relationships that are sane and stable...as stated by Dr. Audrey Chapman...which leads to Black women's lowest of all races marriage rates and highest of any group out of wedlock birthdates...it's all based on choices...choices

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