Females with a majority of male friends????

I used to have concerns about this. I would never get beligerent or anything like that, but I would be on the look out for signs (from both her and her male friends). Now though..I stopped caring what she does when I'm not around. Whatever happens, my heart ain't in it and as long as get my goals achieved (have a good time with her, good convesation, whatever...), I'm cool. She can "do her" because I'm gonna "do me".

Peace....

Yeah, I remember when this was an issue...You know sometimes you just have to grab your woman by her hair and tell her with force.."Get rid of the losers"..

Now of course she may poison you later...but atleast you would have gotten your point across...

No seriously, for me this is a major problem...Once things get serious between us she would have to put a lot of distance between herself and her male friends...Sorry...



Kai

quote:

Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
Whatever happens, my heart ain't in it and as long as get my goals achieved

How come?

How come your heart ain't in it?

quote:

Originally posted by negrospiritual:

quote:

Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
Whatever happens, my heart ain't in it and as long as get my goals achieved

How come?

How come your heart ain't in it?

The cost/benefit ratio is too high.

It's just not worth the drama and the hassle.

quote:

Originally posted by cakeaholic:
Have any of you guys ever dated, or were in a relationship with a female who had a ton of male friends? If so did you ever wonder whats up with that? Also, did you ever trust that woman? Just being a man I know how other man think, so I know what a majority of guy friends are after, unless they're gay.

Yeah, I've experienced this. It really makes you get real about all the "trust" talk we put out in relationships. I trusted her (why else be involved with her?) but I didn't trust most of her male friends as far as I could throw them.

Whatever they say, you need to cancel them cats out.

They are dudes living in what I call, "The Friendship Graveyard."

What does it matter how many male friends she has? I've met women with more male friends because they say they can't deal with the drama that seems to come with female friends - like other females being jealous of her being attractive. Especially if their boyfriends take notice.

If someone is truely with you then they are with you. It won't matter if she has no male friends or dozens...if she can't be trusted she can't be trusted.

If your not mature enough to deal with a women that has male friends that's on you. And she doesn't have to kick them to the curb just becasue she is dating you either.

KEYWORD: TRUST

quote:

Originally posted by MidLifeMan:

If someone is truely with you then they are with you. It won't matter if she has no male friends or dozens...if she can't be trusted she can't be trusted.

If your not mature enough to deal with a women that has male friends that's on you. And she doesn't have to kick them to the curb just becasue she is dating you either.

KEYWORD: TRUST

quote:

Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
What does it matter how many male friends she has? I've met women with more male friends because they say they can't deal with the drama that seems to come with female friends - like other females being jealous of her being attractive. Especially if their boyfriends take notice.

If someone is truely with you then they are with you. It won't matter if she has no male friends or dozens...if she can't be trusted she can't be trusted.

If your not mature enough to deal with a women that has male friends that's on you. And she doesn't have to kick them to the curb just becasue she is dating you either.

KEYWORD: TRUST

Amen, brother!! Amen!!

Before your post, this thread was really starting to scare me .... and make me very sad.

quote:

Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
What does it matter how many male friends she has? I've met women with more male friends because they say they can't deal with the drama that seems to come with female friends - like other females being jealous of her being attractive. Especially if their boyfriends take notice.

If someone is truely with you then they are with you. It won't matter if she has no male friends or dozens...if she can't be trusted she can't be trusted.

If your not mature enough to deal with a women that has male friends that's on you. And she doesn't have to kick them to the curb just becasue she is dating you either.

KEYWORD: TRUST

KEYWORD: BUILDING

If your goal is to exist in parallel spinning cycles of life.... then not caring how many intimate or deep relationships your spouse/SO has with the opposite sex means little....

In a relationship where you desire to create and BUILD a life together.... you have to move towards one another in a way that's more intimate than you go your way and I'll go mine and we'll meet where we feel like it or are compatible...

When you are building.... moving towards one another takes TIME... ENERGY... FOCUS OF EMOTION.... TOLERANCE/UNDERSTANDING..... and the rewards of such efforts placed into one another in the form of FRIENDSHIP etc.... when we lend these attributes to another outside of our relationships we are in fact taking away from the quality of the committed relationship....

add to that the natural inclination of male and female... and for MOST people.... you have a slowly simmering recipe for disconnect and eventually separation....

I think if a woman truly cares or loves her husband... she should cut her male friends or neutralizing whatever bond there is between them by introducing them to her husband and encouraging a relationship with them both....

quote:

Originally posted by virtue/Khalliqa:

When you are building.... moving towards one another takes TIME... ENERGY... FOCUS OF EMOTION.... TOLERANCE/UNDERSTANDING..... and the rewards of such efforts placed into one another in the form of FRIENDSHIP etc.... when we lend these attributes to another outside of our relationships we are in fact taking away from the quality of the committed relationship....

I don't see friendship as taking away from a marriage. Unless you are going out every night or something, and they are monopolizing all of your time.

quote:

Originally posted by ricardomath:

I don't see friendship as taking away from a marriage. Unless you are going out every night or something, and they are monopolizing all of your time.

Unless you are spiritually/sexually sterile.... male and female ignite one another on many levels...

If I need someone to listen to my pain or just to laugh... I call a friend...

If I need someone to relax with.... I call a friend...

When my friend needs comfort... I'm there as a friend...

When my friend needs a listening ear... I take time out to do so...

When I became married (the early stages anywhoo)... my husband became my ear.... and we grew a bit closer as friends because I did not call my old male friend...

When I needed to relax or laugh... instead of calling on my male friends I shared this with my husband.... increasing our closeness...

When my friend wanted comfort and a listening ear..... instead of telling my husband... hold on.... baby let me give my single male friend my comfort.... I encouraged him to seek it in HIS girlfriend....

When I interacted with my old friends it was always with my husband present...

they were "friends" but there was and still remains a lingering affection that I will not allow to enter the next committed relationship I am in...

my energy will be reserved for my marriage.....

Do you also find that having female friends similarly detracts from a relationship?

Most of what you talked about would seem to apply equally to male and female friends.

quote:

Originally posted by ricardomath:
Do you also find that having female friends similarly detracts from a relationship?

Yes, to a certain extent.... my female friends (especially those that are single...) do not understand the time I must make for my family....

No, to the extent that there is no sexual undercurrent to our relationship that threatens the energy I gave my ex...

quote:

Most of what you talked about would seem to apply equally to male and female friends.

No, see above...

Well, I don't see much of a gender distinction.

But maybe that's because I'm married.

Certainly marriage does require time and energy, and that does mean that less time may be available for friends, but so does having children, or starting a demanding job, for example.

If I were single, but working all the time, I wouldn't have much time for friends, either. Actually, that was the case when I met my wife, but I managed to find some time, nonetheless. I just avoided sleeping...

I dunno ... maybe it's my perception of a relationship that's all screwed up!

I know that I want a man that I can trust and who trusts me. Period. There's no room for negotiation there.

If a man doesn't trust that I can/will be faithful to him (whether such a betrayal is initiate by the other man or me!) then what's the point? And the same goes towards him for me! If I can't made to feel confident that his female friends are not a threat to our relationship, then he's lacking a very important component to our security as a couple!

And I've only got one word for that .... NEXT!!!

Also, I have a problem understanding how a man that can meet me and like me for who I am (which is someone who has certain friends in my life) can suddenly expect me to drop them and be the same person! These are people that were there before he was, have obviously been with me longer, and are a part of who I am. Yet, for me to kick them to the curb for him (an unproven association, at best) is a little more than presumptuous! In fact, it kinda borders on crazy-as-hell!! And egomanical at the same time!

Also, wouldn't it figure that if I wanted to do "my friend" that's what I would have been doing at the time he and I met ... and he (new guy) probably wouldn't have had much of a chance at a relatiohship with me, anyway! Does a man really think a woman's life starts and stops with his entrance into it? And the same goes for men toward their new woman.

Forcing two personalities into a relationship is probably the reason most of them fail. The two are either compatable and compliment each other from the beginning or don't. The person you meet either respects who you are from the beginning or they don't ... and moreso, knows how to respect you (and show respect for you) for who you are, or not!

Anybody who separates you from their friends ... or you from your friends, has issues that you really need to think about whether or not you want to bring into your life. And I would hope that if that other person can't respect you like that ... you would respect yourself like that. Because if you don't do it, how can you expect someone else to?

quote:

Originally posted by EbonyRose:
I dunno ... maybe it's my perception of a relationship that's all screwed up!

I know that I want a man that I can trust and who trusts me. Period. There's no room for negotiation there.

If a man doesn't trust that I can/will be faithful to him (whether such a betrayal is initiate by the other man or me!) then what's the point? And the same goes towards him for me! If I can't made to feel confident that his female friends are not a threat to our relationship, then he's lacking a very important component to our security as a couple!

And I've only got one word for that .... NEXT!!!

Also, I have a problem understanding how a man that can meet me and like me for who I am (which is someone who has certain friends in my life) can suddenly expect me to drop them and be the same person! These are people that were there before he was, have obviously been with me longer, and are a part of who I am. Yet, for me to kick them to the curb for him (an unproven association, at best) is a little more than presumptuous! In fact, it kinda borders on crazy-as-hell!! And egomanical at the same time!

Also, wouldn't it figure that if I wanted to do "my friend" that's what I would have been doing at the time he and I met ... and he (new guy) probably wouldn't have had much of a chance at a relatiohship with me, anyway! Does a man really think a woman's life starts and stops with his entrance into it? And the same goes for men toward their new woman.

Forcing two personalities into a relationship is probably the reason most of them fail. The two are either compatable and compliment each other from the beginning or don't. The person you meet either respects who you are from the beginning or they don't ... and moreso, knows how to respect you (and show respect for you) for who you are, or not!

Anybody who separates you from their friends ... or you from your friends, has issues that you really need to think about whether or not you want to bring into your life. And I would hope that if that other person can't respect you like that ... you would respect yourself like that. Because if you don't do it, how can you expect someone else to?

quote:

Originally posted by ricardomath:
Well, I don't see much of a gender distinction.

But maybe that's because I'm married.

I don't see your point.... I was married for 12 years... maybe its because you're

a. not a woman...

b. not me- we don't share the same values...


I value exclusive intimacy in a marriage.... you and your wife's intmacy can be had by others...

different strokes...

quote:

Certainly marriage does require time and energy, and that does mean that less time may be available for friends, but so does having children, or starting a demanding job, for example.

children=result and part of the MARRIAGE/FAMILY unit...

"friend" -not..


job= provisions for FAMILY sustenance ....

"friend"-not

friend is not family... the beginnings of which are the husband and wife....

otherwise call the need to have multiple intimate partners in your relationship "swinging"..... don't call it marriage... friends play a distinct secondary role.... especially if they are of the same sex...

and I wouldn't want to keep every male friend I've had before my husband... especially since there were undercurrents of intimacy (not lust) in them.... iono...

perhaps some people are down with spreading themselves among men...

when I am committed that MEANS something.... it does not mean continue my life the way I've been going ...... as a single woman I bear no responsibility for another but myself... that changes once in a committed relationship.... you know... you grow up... and realize that the world you were once in requires more..... the relationship if it is to be successful requires more than you be the same...

when we do not change...

we remain stagnant...

our year in number may grow.... but our maturity level does not...

quote:

If I were single, but working all the time, I wouldn't have much time for friends, either. Actually, that was the case when I met my wife, but I managed to find some time, nonetheless. I just avoided sleeping...

That is a choice... upon which your standards for the job dictate... there seems to be no confusion there.... I mean some employers don't mind you working three jobs.... but the majority will prefer your loyalty to their company....

if you decide that your wife does not require your undivided love and attention.... then so be it... you just swing that way.....

anything's possible when both parties are down for it... though because something exists with consent does not make it the best path.... and certainly not the rule of thumb or good advice for others...

quote:

Originally posted by virtue/Khalliqa:

quote:

Originally posted by ricardomath:
Well, I don't see much of a gender distinction.

But maybe that's because I'm married.

I don't see your point.... I was married for 12 years... maybe its because you're

a. not a woman...

This seems unlikely, since my wife is also a woman, and has no problems with me having friends, whether male or female.

quote:

b. not me- we don't share the same values...

This seems much more likely...

I am not you...

And we may very well have different values...

quote:

I value exclusive intimacy in a marriage.... you and your wife's intmacy can be had by others...

different strokes...

I'm not sure what you mean by "intimacy" here. Aparently, you use it as a synonym for "friendship". I tend to use it somewhat differently, but no matter...

Yes, we both have friends...

mmmmkay

quote:

Originally posted by virtue/Khalliqa:

quote:

Certainly marriage does require time and energy, and that does mean that less time may be available for friends, but so does having children, or starting a demanding job, for example.

children=result and part of the MARRIAGE/FAMILY unit...

"friend" -not..


job= provisions for FAMILY sustenance ....

"friend"-not

friend is not family... the beginnings of which are the husband and wife....

otherwise call the need to have multiple intimate partners in your relationship "swinging"..... don't call it marriage... friends play a distinct secondary role.... especially if they are of the same sex... [

and I wouldn't want to keep every male friend I've had before my husband... especially since there were undercurrents of intimacy (not lust) in them.... iono...

perhaps some people are down with spreading themselves among men...

when I am committed that MEANS something.... it does not mean continue my life the way I've been going ...... as a single woman I bear no responsibility for another but myself... that changes once in a committed relationship.... you know... you grow up... and realize that the world you were once in requires more..... the relationship if it is to be successful requires more than you be the same...

when we do not change...

we remain stagnant...

our year in number may grow.... but our maturity level does not...

I'm not sure how to reply to this. Your "swinger" thing is just too bizarre. Unlike you, my wife and I am quite capable of having friends without sex being involved.

One of those differences in values between you and I that you were referring to earlier, perhaps?

quote:

Originally posted by EbonyRose:
I dunno ... maybe it's my perception of a relationship that's all screwed up!

I know that I want a man that I can trust and who trusts me. Period. There's no room for negotiation there.

If a man doesn't trust that I can/will be faithful to him (whether such a betrayal is initiate by the other man or me!) then what's the point? And the same goes towards him for me! If I can't made to feel confident that his female friends are not a threat to our relationship, then he's lacking a very important component to our security as a couple!

And I've only got one word for that .... NEXT!!!

Also, I have a problem understanding how a man that can meet me and like me for who I am (which is someone who has certain friends in my life) can suddenly expect me to drop them and be the same person! These are people that were there before he was, have obviously been with me longer, and are a part of who I am. Yet, for me to kick them to the curb for him (an unproven association, at best) is a little more than presumptuous! In fact, it kinda borders on crazy-as-hell!! And egomanical at the same time!

Also, wouldn't it figure that if I wanted to do "my friend" that's what I would have been doing at the time he and I met ... and he (new guy) probably wouldn't have had much of a chance at a relatiohship with me, anyway! Does a man really think a woman's life starts and stops with his entrance into it? And the same goes for men toward their new woman.

Forcing two personalities into a relationship is probably the reason most of them fail. The two are either compatable and compliment each other from the beginning or don't. The person you meet either respects who you are from the beginning or they don't ... and moreso, knows how to respect you (and show respect for you) for who you are, or not!

Anybody who separates you from their friends ... or you from your friends, has issues that you really need to think about whether or not you want to bring into your life. And I would hope that if that other person can't respect you like that ... you would respect yourself like that. Because if you don't do it, how can you expect someone else to?

I totally agree, my Sister. Giving up friends of either gender will not strengthen a relationship at all. If giving up a friend is a prerequisite for a relationship, sorry about your luck, Chuck, 'cause I am out the door. Friendships enrich our lives in so many ways that giving up good friends may actually harm a relationship rather than help it. If a person demonstrates that type of immaturity from the beginning, the relationship doesn't stand a chance of lasting very long.

quote:

Originally posted by virtue/Khalliqa:

quote:

If I were single, but working all the time, I wouldn't have much time for friends, either. Actually, that was the case when I met my wife, but I managed to find some time, nonetheless. I just avoided sleeping...

That is a choice... upon which your standards for the job dictate... there seems to be no confusion there.... I mean some employers don't mind you working three jobs.... but the majority will prefer your loyalty to their company....

I had one employer at the time. At the time, I was working in a local sandpaper factory. I was working about 84 to 96 hours per week at the time.

quote:

if you decide that your wife does not require your undivided love and attention.... then so be it... you just swing that way.....

As I said above, this was my schedule when I met my wife.

She was working at two jobs herself at the time.

quote:

anything's possible when both parties are down for it... though because something exists with consent does not make it the best path.... and certainly not the rule of thumb or good advice for others...

People need money to survive. Money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure helps with the rent. You seem very judgemental about people working to make ends meet.

Not to mention being rather judgemental about people having friends.

Just because you feel the need to cut off all of your friends (and presumably make your husband do likewise) when you marry does not make it the best path...and certainly not the rule of thumb or good advice to others...

quote:

Originally posted by ricardomath:
I'm not sure how to reply to this. Your "swinger" thing is just too bizarre. Unlike you, my wife and I am quite capable of having friends without sex being involved.

One of those differences in values between you and I that you were referring to earlier, perhaps?

Nope... It's bizarre because you don't understand my culture.... hence my words above..

mmmmmkay.... It's my way of letting you know that I'm beginning to realize that this conversation with you is going no where...

you will not understand me....

especially if you don't get sexual undertones of male and female relationships....

some people like to lie about it and say that it doesn't exist to hold on to relationships that they've expended time and energy in regardless of whether it takes away from the person they're SUPPOSED to give it to..... like a child with a favorite blanket... just because it provided with you with comfort once doesn't mean you should hold on to it forever...

so again....

mmmmmkay..

whatever you say...

quote:

Originally posted by ricardomath:

quote:

Originally posted by virtue/Khalliqa:

quote:

If I were single, but working all the time, I wouldn't have much time for friends, either. Actually, that was the case when I met my wife, but I managed to find some time, nonetheless. I just avoided sleeping...

That is a choice... upon which your standards for the job dictate... there seems to be no confusion there.... I mean some employers don't mind you working three jobs.... but the majority will prefer your loyalty to their company....

I had one employer at the time. At the time, I was working in a local sandpaper factory. I was working about 84 to 96 hours per week at the time.

quote:

if you decide that your wife does not require your undivided love and attention.... then so be it... you just swing that way.....

As I said above, this was my schedule when I met my wife.

She was working at two jobs herself at the time.

quote:

anything's possible when both parties are down for it... though because something exists with consent does not make it the best path.... and certainly not the rule of thumb or good advice for others...

People need money to survive. Money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure helps with the rent. You seem very judgemental about people working to make ends meet.

Not to mention being rather judgemental about people having friends.

Just because you feel the need to cut off all of your friends (and presumably make your husband do likewise) when you marry does not make it the best path...and certainly not the rule of thumb or good advice to others...

again, you and I will not see eye to eye....

mmmkay?


I only engaged you partially because I thought some good would come out of it....

I could care less whether or not you and your wife spend time with members of the same sex...

I will not be spending time with other men I've developed emotional bonds with........ that much he can expect from me... when I'm committed.... I really am.....

my marriage comes first.... and any friend of mine especially male should respect that my husband will come first.... and no male friend will get any where near the same time or attention......

In my culture friendships are not put on par with "family".... but this is what I expect of such an individualistic culture..... where one HAS to form bonds with strangers over their family.... America is not like the societies that our ancestors of old formed.... every society on the planet knew this..... but when you have so many disjointed adults.... friendship gets placed in a position it in truth doesn't belong.... in place of family..... and when we get to the point where we cannot figure out that the whole POINT of a spouse is to began building a relationship with THAT person..... then spending time with same sex friends is non productive.... or at least should be neutralized... unless you have an open relationship... open emotionally.... open in terms of time.... open in terms of value.... swinging

again.... when I need to cry I will call on my husband not Dennis (best friend in high school)... when I want to hang out I will lean on my husband not Drey (another best friend in high school)..... when I need emotional care and tenderness I will not get a hug from Jason.... when I want to share my laughs and my joys I'll call MY HUSBAND and will not think "Oh, let me call Ahmad"..... when I need to vent I'll pray..... and then I'll call my HUSBAND and tell HIM we need to work it out.... and if I need to put it past someone I will not call ERICK...

in my culture this is not only expected it is a sign of maturity.... relationships change... no one thinks friendship is the equivalent of marriage.... only in this individualistic immature culture....

this conversation with you is fruitless...


you do not understand this? you don't see the swinger analogy? (emotional/time/energy sharing?)



you don't?


mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmkay..........

quote:

Originally posted by Shango67:
Whatever they say, you need to cancel them cats out.

They are dudes living in what I call, "The Friendship Graveyard."

quote:

Originally posted by EbonyRose:
I know that I want a man that I can trust and who trusts me. Period. There's no room for negotiation there.

If a man doesn't trust that I can/will be faithful to him ... then what's the point? And the same goes towards him for me!

such a smart gurl!

quote:

Originally posted by virtue/Khalliqa:
In my culture friendships are not put on par with "family".... but this is what I expect of such an individualistic culture..... where one HAS to form bonds with strangers over their family.... America is not like the societies that our ancestors of old formed.... every society on the planet knew this..... but when you have so many disjointed adults.... friendship gets placed in a position it in truth doesn't belong.... in place of family..... and when we get to the point where we cannot figure out that the whole POINT of a spouse is to began building a relationship with THAT person..... then spending time with same sex friends is non productive.... or at least should be neutralized... unless you have an open relationship... open emotionally.... open in terms of time.... open in terms of value.... swinging

That's completely the opposite of my experience, and I know a good many foreigners feel the same as I do. Actually, I just read a snipbit on the matter from an foreign exchange student POV, which I completely agree with.

Friends are like family. Not over family, but like relatives that you had the luxury of picking.

When you have a family gathering, your friends are invited. If your friends have children, they call you by a family name and the child respects you as family and you are responsible for the child as family.

In America, "friend" is a term used loosely. A co-worker might be called a friend, although you don't have a deep relationship with them. You might call a neighbor a friend because you talk once in a while, but you don't really care about his well-being.

An individualistic culture, "friend" means less. It's applied to almost anyone who isn't an enemy and doesn't carry the same responsibilities as it would elsewhere.

In other societies, "friend" means something and friends aren't easily disregarded.

*steps out of Den*

quote:

Originally posted by ma'am:

quote:

Originally posted by virtue/Khalliqa:
In my culture friendships are not put on par with "family".... but this is what I expect of such an individualistic culture..... where one HAS to form bonds with strangers over their family.... America is not like the societies that our ancestors of old formed.... every society on the planet knew this..... but when you have so many disjointed adults.... friendship gets placed in a position it in truth doesn't belong.... in place of family..... and when we get to the point where we cannot figure out that the whole POINT of a spouse is to began building a relationship with THAT person..... then spending time with same sex friends is non productive.... or at least should be neutralized... unless you have an open relationship... open emotionally.... open in terms of time.... open in terms of value.... swinging

That's completely the opposite of my experience, and I know a good many foreigners feel the same as I do. Actually, I just read a snipbit on the matter from an foreign exchange student POV, which I completely agree with.

Friends are like family. Not over family, but like relatives that you had the luxury of picking.

When you have a family gathering, your friends are invited. If your friends have children, they call you by a family name and the child respects you as family and you are responsible for the child as family.

In America, "friend" is a term used loosely. A co-worker might be called a friend, although you don't have a deep relationship with them. You might call a neighbor a friend because you talk once in a while, but you don't really care about his well-being.

An individualistic culture, "friend" means less. It's applied to almost anyone who isn't an enemy and doesn't carry the same responsibilities as it would elsewhere.

In other societies, "friend" means something and friends aren't easily disregarded.

*steps out of Den*

*steps in Den*

looks at ma'am.. I HIGHLY disagree {said with an air of suddity}....

sighs deeply.... {chants} *will not pick apart her post* *will not pick apart her post*....... not gone argue with another sister...

let you have this one.... goes back to response tried and true...


mmmmmk

quote:

Originally posted by EbonyRose:
I dunno ... maybe it's my perception of a relationship that's all screwed up!

I know that I want a man that I can trust and who trusts me. Period. There's no room for negotiation there.

If a man doesn't trust that I can/will be faithful to him (whether such a betrayal is initiate by the other man or me!) then what's the point? And the same goes towards him for me! If I can't made to feel confident that his female friends are not a threat to our relationship, then he's lacking a very important component to our security as a couple!

And I've only got one word for that .... NEXT!!!

Also, I have a problem understanding how a man that can meet me and like me for who I am (which is someone who has certain friends in my life) can suddenly expect me to drop them and be the same person! These are people that were there before he was, have obviously been with me longer, and are a part of who I am. Yet, for me to kick them to the curb for him (an unproven association, at best) is a little more than presumptuous! In fact, it kinda borders on crazy-as-hell!! And egomanical at the same time!

Also, wouldn't it figure that if I wanted to do "my friend" that's what I would have been doing at the time he and I met ... and he (new guy) probably wouldn't have had much of a chance at a relatiohship with me, anyway! Does a man really think a woman's life starts and stops with his entrance into it? And the same goes for men toward their new woman.

Forcing two personalities into a relationship is probably the reason most of them fail. The two are either compatable and compliment each other from the beginning or don't. The person you meet either respects who you are from the beginning or they don't ... and moreso, knows how to respect you (and show respect for you) for who you are, or not!

Anybody who separates you from their friends ... or you from your friends, has issues that you really need to think about whether or not you want to bring into your life. And I would hope that if that other person can't respect you like that ... you would respect yourself like that. Because if you don't do it, how can you expect someone else to?

Well said. I expressed my views regarding this in the other similiar thread asking "can a woman truly be just a friend." Throughout childhood one has both male and female friends....I don't see why that has to change once you become an adult.